At Z University.
In the dormitory, Xiao Si asked, “Ah Heng, what would you do if your boyfriend had an affair?”
Ah Heng replied, “Fei Bai is a good boy, he wouldn’t cheat.”
Xiao Si laughed. “Come on, stop kidding yourself. With Senior Gu’s looks, girls are throwing themselves at him. Just the other day, the campus beauty was asking if he was single. With your looks, you’re quite confident.”
Ah Heng said, “Fine then, I’ll pretend I don’t know and catch them in bed. I’ll bite them both, and like Uncle Jing Tao, I’ll roar: ‘Why? Why would you do this to me? God, can someone tell me what I did wrong?'”
Big Sis Wu Ying rolled her eyes. “With your timid nature, seeing how submissive you are with Gu Fei Bai, forget catching them in bed – you’d probably kindly close the door for them.”
Ah Heng: “Big Sis, don’t curse me, that’s terrifying!”
Meanwhile, Xiao Wu wailed in the dorm: “Ah Heng, I can’t go on living! Our man is dating Chu Yun! Damn it, are 36Ds really that great? I love you so much, I haven’t used any other brand since you became the spokesperson for Yue Yue Shu, how could you just run off with another woman?”
Ah Heng turned her face: “How do you know? Wasn’t it just rumors?”
Xiao Wu jumped onto the bed, grabbing Ah Heng’s small frame and shaking it vigorously: “Hell no! I just got insider info from the forum moderators. They’ve been dating for half a month, been photographed together several times, holding hands and kissing passionately every time, wearing sunglasses and baseball caps, cruising around B City in a red Ferrari. Waaah, I can’t live anymore, does that woman love you like I do?”
Ah Heng said: “Calm down, they might just be friends.”
Xiao Wu grabbed the child’s face: “Oh come on, you calm down – why are you crying?”
Ah Heng wiped her face with her sleeve, and seeing no tears, shouted: “Who’s crying? I’m not crying!”
Xiao Wu continued wailing: “Fine, fine, you’re so capable, you’re not crying, can I cry then? Oh my man, are you really that desperate for motherly love? Finding someone with 36Ds…”
Ah Heng said: “You should wish him well. Chu Yun is quite nice. She’s beautiful – look at her small mouth, high nose, and big eyes. Okay, stop glaring at me. Even though her eyes aren’t as big as his, Chu Yun has things he doesn’t have.”
Xiao Wu dropped a tear, lamenting: “Right, he doesn’t have 36Ds.”
Du Qing put on her wool coat, looked down to slip on her high heels, and asked Ah Heng: “Liu’er, what’s the name of your bakery again?”
Ah Heng struggled free from Xiao Wu’s bear hug and recited the advertisement: “Xinxin Bakery, first-class pastry chefs, guaranteeing you quality. Second Sis, please visit often!”
Du Qing smiled: “What nonsense.”
She turned and closed the door.
Gu Fei Bai had a full day of experiments, so Ah Heng ate dinner alone. It was already December, and even in the warm south, the temperature had dropped significantly.
She heard B City had snow; heard B City was very, very cold; heard people in B City stayed home eating hotpot, nobody went out – only a fool would drive a convertible at midnight.
So, when that Ferrari convertible carried Chu Yun, did they close the top? If they caught a cold, would anyone care?
He had said, “I promise you, I’ll never get sick.”
Ah Heng burst out laughing, exhaling cold breath. She sniffled, buried her small face in her sweater, walking to the intersection.
Well, I still ended up thinking about you.
But who are you? I’ve almost… forgotten.
So, get lost.
Finally, she chose a brutal, messy way to deal with a long stretch of blurry memories.
Walking through the winter cold, cursing and resenting, bit by bit, all turned into cold wind filling her stomach, until she reached the cake shop and let out a big sneeze, then felt better.
In front of the bakery was a long staircase, the old sign swaying precariously, the new sign leaning against the distant window. She remembered the aunt telling her that the old sign was too old and needed replacing.
She had asked the aunt: “Auntie, why isn’t it replaced yet? The old sign hanging like that could fall and kill someone.”
The aunt said: “I don’t want it either, but the workers just went for dinner and said they’d be back soon to change it.”
Ah Heng smiled: “Wait a bit, I’ll help hand them tools.”
The aunt whispered: “No, you need to serve customers. A young couple came half an hour ago, oh my, you don’t know, they’re so good-looking. They ordered two coffees, such a pleasure to look at.”
Ah Heng poked her head out and saw an upright figure in white, and on the other side, a girl with curly hair and fine eyebrows.
So familiar, like seeing each other day and night.
“That girl likes sweets, she even ordered the pudding cake I saved for you.”
The aunt smiled, walking into the distance, and wiping the new sign.
Ah Heng said nothing, standing silently behind the transparent glass.
The girl seemed to notice her, smiled, and raised her eyebrows, a strange challenge in her beautiful eyes. She pouted coquettishly at the man who had his back to Ah Heng: “Feed me, I won’t eat unless you feed me.”
Ah Heng’s hands left fingerprints on the glass, her fingertips turning pale against the cold surface.
The man reached out, his fingerprints delicate, a small transparent spoon, black flowing chocolate, slowly bringing it to the corner of her lips.
But she stood up, gently lowered her head close to his lips, gave a light kiss, smiling more mischievously. Something spread from the corner of her eye, like a sword.
He was caught off guard, leaned back, and called out: “Qing Qing!” His slightly indulgent, cool tone raised three degrees with unconscious familiarity and tenderness.
Qing Qing, Du Qing Qing.
At the start of school, Du Qing said: “Hello everyone, I’m Du Qing, my nickname is Qing Qing, the ‘Qing’ from ‘dare to be mad with love for Qing under heaven.'”
That line isn’t in the seven-character regulated verse, where did “dare to be mad with love for Qing under heaven” come from?
She smiled like a flower, saying: “Don’t mention that line, Qing Qing wasn’t originally there either. It’s just that there was a fool who, when learning to speak as a child, could only say repeated words, so there was Qing Qing. With Qing Qing, came being mad with love.”
Ah Heng was in a daze, suddenly remembering, long ago, someone had also reached out those hands, fingerprints very faint, saying: “Wen Heng, these two characters, from surname to given name, are all mine.”
But Qing Qing? What about… Qing Qing?
Whose Qing Qing is it?
Suddenly turning around, opening her mouth, with a hurt expression: “Auntie, you said you’d save me pudding cake, Auntie, you said so yesterday.”
That appearance is really like a child who doesn’t understand.
But Gu Fei Bai, who loved wearing white, who had a cleanliness obsession, who kept his back straight every day, Gu Fei Bai whom she was moved to want to embrace at all times just seeing his back, had once said in a moment of ignorance: “Wen Heng, you don’t need to love me, even if starting from the next second, twenty-two hours eight minutes three seconds, you’re still three whole years too late.”
That was on an autumn night last year, he had drunk some alcohol and inexplicably said many, many things, this sentence was the clearest.
The things he couldn’t let go of were things she racked her brains thinking about but remained clueless about.
Looking at those two people, suddenly, she felt small and painful.
The aunt suddenly froze her movements, her expression becoming terrified: “Look out!”
Ah Heng looked at her: “What? Look out for what?”
Looking up, the old sign fell from the sky, straight down.
Then, at an inescapable distance, the smell of dust and rust was everywhere.
She tried to block with her hands, but only smelled the scent of fresh blood, only heard the sound of bones breaking.
Falling into a pool of blood, Ah Heng’s mind was a blur of shock. Heartbeat, breathing, such loud sounds, seemingly easier to stop than to continue.
Opening her eyes, the sky was gone.
She thought: I jinxed it.
She wondered: Am I going to be crushed to death, by a sign with a big cake on it?
Suddenly, she felt like crying. Unable to remember Gu Fei Bai or Second Sister anymore, she shouted wildly: “Auntie, Auntie, give me your phone, I need to make a call!”
A voice that tore through her throat.
In just those few seconds, she felt countless souls passing through her body, through the black metal sign, breaking free completely.
When all the weight was removed, only Gu Fei Bai’s eyes remained. His face was rigid, his white coat cushioning the wound at the back of her head, his hands steady.
In his eyes, she saw the fresh blood on her face staining her black hair, and those almost scattered eyes.
How frightening.
Gu Fei Bai’s face was expressionless as he said: “Hold on, you’re nowhere near dying.”
Death isn’t that easy.
Gu Fei Bai took out his phone, but the three digits 120 seemed as distant as a century.
He was trembling.
Ah Heng watched the thing in his hand, and suddenly, from the corner of her eye, tears fell.
She wanted so badly to say something more.
What words?
In high school, the English teacher said that “phone” meant sound from far away. Back then, during class, she had curled up, put the phone to her ear, and spoke with difficulty: “Be good, be good, listen, I’ll be home soon, bringing the puzzle rings, don’t hug Little Hui, it’s itchy, understand?”
On the other end was silence, silence, endless silence.
But she knew he was nodding obediently, smiling sweetly.
So, the sound from far away, how far, how far.
Longing suddenly squeezed blood from her heart, but it wouldn’t flow out. She cried bitterly, grabbing Gu Fei Bai’s white sweater.
She said: “Can you give me the phone, and then, Fei Bai, I won’t dare to be sad anymore, okay?”
He inhaled the cold wind and began coughing violently, his whole body cold. He said: “Why? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
She watched him cry, that gaze powerless, until despair.
He squinted at the approaching ambulance in the distance, expressionless. He said: “You’ve finally become a thorn in my eye.”
How deep, how painful.
Gently placing the phone in her palm, was it cold or warm, was it spring blossoms or winter winds?
Only eleven numbers swirled in her mind, like a blank world, yet twisting space and time.
If she dialed, would it touch time’s reverse scales, turn back, and start anew?
Then, a solo performance, a black comedy.
How laughable.
Time is just a layer of paper, it’s wet writing blurred, crumpled up, stuffed into the air-raid shelter of the heart.
Looking up at Gu Fei Bai, she gently released her grip, something fell to the ground.
She said: “Never mind.”
Never mind.
Curled up on the ground, in a fetal position.
Finally, she lost consciousness.
B City.
Christmas.
Good snow fell through the night outside the window.
The radio station always did some fresh programs during special holidays, showing different elements from usual days, similar to the year-end station celebration, except that was a big party, this a small one.
So DJ Yan’s “Sometimes” also changed the format, from being one person’s confidant to two people’s casual chat, where audiences could ask questions by sending edited text messages.
Yan Xi looked at Chu Yun, quite helpless.
“Why is it you again? Wherever I do shows, I see your face – puffy eyes, thick lips, VIP hairstyle. Can I request a replacement?”
Chu Yun gritted her teeth: “Yan Xi, you think you’re all that? If the station director hadn’t said this year’s ratings needed to hit new highs, you think I’d want to see you?”
Yan Xi looked at the gorgeous Christmas tree and colorful balloons in the studio, tilted his head back, his slender hand covering his eyes: “Damn, is this still my territory? Rubbish!”
Chu Yun smiled: “You’re truly an obsessive monster, living this long is practically a miracle of creation.”
Yan Xi also smiled: “After the show, let’s go for a drink, my treat.”
Chu Yun tilted her head: “Aren’t you afraid of paparazzi taking random shots?”
Yan Xi laughed loudly: “Give me liberty or give me death.”
Chu Yun wagged a finger, placing it by her pink lips: “Mr. Yan, pardon my frankness, but your freedom goes too far. We’re public figures, mystery is basic professional ethics.”
The director waved from afar: “Hey, you two stars, time to start.”
Ready? Action!
Yan Xi was used to doing shows alone, and suddenly having someone else beside him, occasionally stealing his lines, and exposing his flaws, really stirred up a belly of fire. Yet when that person annoyed him, they’d look innocent: “Friend, are you angry? Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
He helplessly rubbed his brow, but still maintained his gentlemanly demeanor, letting it pass with a smile.
A young viewer sent a message: “Brother and sister, your relationship is so good, so good.” At the end, on the electronic screen, a big mischievous smile.
Yan Xi sneered, commenting on the message through his earpiece: “Hey, little girl, you’re thinking too much.”
Then another message came, saying: “DJ Yan, I like you so much, how could you get intimate with 36D? A girl in our dorm said she loved you most in the world, and because you’re with 36D, she couldn’t bear the shock and was sacrificed under a cake shop sign, broke several bones, so tragic!”
Chu Yun was embarrassed, muttering: “36D, they’re not talking about me, are they?”
Yan Xi smiled faintly: “The person who loves me most in this world is not her. Friend with number 4770, let your roommate recover well.”
Chu Yun smiled: “How are you so sure?”
Yan Xi lowered his head, adjusted his earpiece, and said calmly: “It should be someone so insecure they’re weak, never daring to say they love me most in this world.”
Chu Yun was stunned and, after a long while, forced a laugh: “Your tone, it sounds like there is such a person.”
Yan Xi said: “Have you heard a story? Long ago, there was a very, very tall giant, whose body could cover an entire city, who accidentally fell in love with a breathtakingly beautiful princess.”
Chu Yun scoffed: “Let me guess, the giant was actually a handsome prince cursed by a witch, waiting for the princess to save him, and DJ Yan is just using the giant as a metaphor?”
He lowered his voice: “Sorry, no, the giant was born that way. You can’t deny, that this world has such exceptions. He loved the princess, loved her hopelessly, but couldn’t have her, could only swallow her into his stomach.”
Chu Yun became interested: “Then what?”
Yan Xi’s tone became mocking: “Then the princess said ‘It’s so dark here,’ so the giant swallowed the sun and moon; the princess said ‘It’s so cold here,’ so the giant swallowed an entire castle; the princess said ‘I’m lonely,’ so the giant swallowed flowers, lakes, little rabbits, soft ribbons. Every day the princess wanted different things, and the giant always satisfied her.
“But that princess, ah, was a princess who was never satisfied. She said: ‘You ugly person, are you going to imprison me for life?’
“The giant was a foolish child, ah, he said: ‘You stay in my stomach, warm and cozy, I like you so so much, isn’t it good to be together forever?’
“The princess scolded: ‘You’re so selfish, in this world, you’re not the only one who likes me.’
“The giant was very sad, he felt he had done wrong, so he cut open his stomach and let the princess out.”
Chu Yun: “Ah, what about the giant?”
Yan Xi gave a cold laugh: “Actually, this was just a beautiful dream made by a lonely princess’s one-sided love. When she woke up, in this world, there was neither such a giant nor such deep and pure love.”