On January 9th, H City welcomed its first snow of 2003. The snowflakes danced like catkin, rivaling the beauty of spring banquets. Perhaps from nurturing too many scholars and beauties, the entire ancient city seemed to transform into poetry day after day.
That morning, Ah Heng slipped while fetching water, breaking her kettle and soaking her entire pant leg. She couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry and had no choice but to throw away the old one and buy a new kettle.
On her way, she met Class Monitor Xiao Pang, who was huffing and puffing while eating steamed buns. Seeing her, he tugged at his little braid and asked, “Kid, how’s your revision going?”
Ah Heng pleaded, “Xiao Pang, Monitor, can’t you trust me just this once? I used to be a good kid!”
Xiao Pang’s face was red from the cold as he sniffled and stuffed in another bun: “Get out of here, I’d be crazy to believe you. Alright, no wandering off today, come study with big brother.”
Xiao Pang was the kind of kid whose face would scrunch up like a steamed bun with several creases when he smiled. Good-hearted and responsible, he was beloved by everyone. But he was also domineering, maintaining absolute one-party rule in class, his word was law. When he said Ah Heng had to go study, the child had no choice but to go. Being even a second late would get you criticized until you lost all face, accused of betraying the party today and the country tomorrow, with no chance of parole.
He was far too domineering.
So Ah Heng could only say “Oh” and follow behind Xiao Pang with her new kettle, meandering to the study room.
With finals approaching, the study rooms were packed. They searched half the building and found everything full. Finally, on the fifth floor, they spotted one that wasn’t as crowded. Just as they were about to enter, Xiao Pang pointed at two people in the back corner: “Hey, isn’t that Senior Gu and… Du Qing?”
Ah Heng glanced over and nodded in confirmation.
Xiao Pang wondered aloud: “How did those two end up together?”
Ah Heng laughed: “Life is full of chance encounters. Look at us – you eating a bun and me buying a kettle, yet here we are meeting.”
Xiao Pang muttered that it made sense. Then suddenly had a thought, closed the door, and declared righteously: “No, we can’t use this classroom. Wen Heng can’t be around Gu Feibai.”
Ah Heng couldn’t help but laugh.
“Wen Heng can’t be around Gu Feibai” – this was Xiao Pang’s catchphrase, tactfully pointing out Wen Heng’s objective predicament of wanting to pounce on Genius Gu whenever she saw him.
Xiao Pang patted Ah Heng’s shoulder: “You shouldn’t stick so close to him either. When the novelty wears off, your thoughts might go astray, and then you’ll have something to cry about. I’m a guy, I know how men think.”
Ah Heng protested: “Which eye of yours saw me sticking to him?”
Xiao Pang brushed the snow off his backpack and said: “Well, not sticking exactly. How to put it – you depend on him. When you can’t see him, you… you get anxious, I’m telling you.”
Ah Heng replied: “That’s… hitting the nail on the head.”
She had been trying to define her feelings for Gu Feibai, finding that concepts like ‘like’ or ‘love’ seemed too distant. But when she couldn’t see him, she would involuntarily recall the feeling of clutching her suitcase on the overpass, hungry and desperate. Having no foundation, and no sense of security was truly… hard to endure.
So, thinking inversely, she wondered if a certain member of B City’s Wildlife Protection Association felt the same way – truly, truly certain it wasn’t love, yet still remembered the delicious taste of spare ribs.
Xiao Pang continued: “Have you thought about the future? When I tell you to study hard, you act like I’m trying to hurt you. You’re always thinking about how to earn an extra yuan or two – what, will you starve to death if you’re short a couple of yuan? Can you compare it to Senior Gu? If you don’t push yourself, forget about following in his footsteps – he’ll leave you stranded in the Sahara. All for a bit of money. Such shortsighted thinking, how vulgar!”
Ah Heng lowered her head: “I really would starve to death. Even being short ten cents could do it.”
An empty stomach, and emptied… self-respect.
By evening, Xiao Pang finally stretched and released her.
Ah Heng hurried back to the dorm, put down the kettle, changed clothes, and prepared to head to her part-time job.
Du Qing had already returned, and the other dormmates were all there. Everyone’s expressions were strange as they looked at her, seeming to have something to say but holding back.
Ah Heng was puzzled: “What’s wrong?” Looking down, she found chaos below her bed – the space where her large suitcase had been was now empty.
Ah Heng looked around but couldn’t find it. She gestured to the size of the suitcase: “My suitcase, have you seen it?”
Little Three from the dorm was always straightforward and couldn’t hold back: “Ah Heng, don’t take this the wrong way, but how could you put such an unlucky thing in the dorm without discussing it with everyone?”
Ah Heng lowered her head.
She had no home – where else could she put it?
Little Four spoke coolly: “Ah Heng, you’re in the wrong here. Setting aside the suitcase issue, how could you not explain clearly to everyone about Second Sister and Gu Feibai? She’s suffered quite a bit of grievance. You can’t just rely on everyone’s care for you while disregarding sisterly bonds.”
Ah Heng looked at Du Qing, and reached out her hand, face pale: “Where is it, where’s my suitcase?”
Du Qing lowered her head: “Ah Heng, I’ve thought it through. I won’t compete with you for Feibai anymore. Gu Feibai said I’m stronger than you, and I can still be happy without him. But you’re different – you’ve always had a deep trauma, watching your father’s heart attack, from his struggle to death…”
Who wants to hear you say these things? I know better than you.
Ah Heng stared at her, blood running cold, her heart aching with each breath as if being carved by a small knife, slowly tortured. She shouted: “WHERE IS MY SUITCASE?”
Where is the suitcase?
She looked around the dorm in confusion – desk, umbrella, kettle, mirror, slippers, everything was there.
But where was the suitcase?
Where was Father…
Little Five couldn’t bear it, closed her eyes, and pointed toward the bathroom.
Ah Heng walked over, step by step, to the cold handle, the unbearably cramped space.
On the floor lay her large suitcase in pieces.
A train ticket that had brought her here.
A set of mourning clothes she had worn while crying at someone else’s father’s funeral.
A wooden tablet: “In Memory of Beloved Father Wen An Guo.”
Often, when she couldn’t bear it anymore, she would hide here and cry while holding onto her father.
Father, I also want to become a good child that everyone likes. But how much effort would be enough?
The floor was so cold, yet they put you there.
She turned and slapped Du Qing hard across the face.
She declared: “I will never forgive you, never!”
She had once said: “Father, I seem to have gained five sisters, and they’re so, so good to me.”
Suddenly, looking at them now, her eyes held something beyond pain.
The large suitcase, the one she came with, would ultimately be the one she left with.
B City.
On the evening of January 9th, Yan Xi had a show – an entertainment program that analyzed a person from multiple angles and dimensions, the kind that dug up everything from what age you wet the bed to when you learned to wipe yourself after using the bathroom, all to satisfy the audience’s vulgar curiosity.
Yan Xi cursed: “Whose awful idea was this?”
The director helplessly explained: “Your fans said if we didn’t let you do this show, they’d hack all ten of the station’s websites, big and small.”
Yan Xi sighed weakly: “Those little girls just love me too much.”
The director burst into tears: “They don’t need to hack us to show their love!”
Yan Xi held out his hand: “Where’s the script?”
The director said seriously: “Our show never has scripts. The host just needs to control the program’s pace and rhythm – you can improvise freely. Ah, right, there will be two guest performers.”
Yan Xi raised an eyebrow: “Who?”
The director said mysteriously: “You’ll know when the time comes. Our show’s principle is to create unexpected effects. Oh right, DJ Yan, I remember you can play piano – there will be a talent showcase segment.”
Yan Xi asked: “About what time will the recording finish?”
The director muttered: “It’s a live broadcast, probably until early morning on the 10th.”
Yan Xi twitched: “I want to know how high your ratings could be – everyone’s sleeping in the middle of the night, who’s watching?”
The director said: “Probably about the same ratings as your ‘Sometime.'”
Yan Xi: “There are a lot of idle people who don’t sleep at night…”
After thinking for a moment, he said: “I’ll go prepare for the piano part first. It’s at 10 PM tonight, right? I’ll be there on time.” Then, with a polite nod, he said goodbye and left, having finally grown from an arrogant youth into a young gentleman.
It seemed like just yesterday he was still speaking childishly while thinking violence was no crime, but now he had finally learned to control his emotions without showing them, saying “Please guide me” instead.
Time truly is a terrifying thing.
During the evening show, the host wanted Yan Xi to tell all, holding nothing back.
Yan Xi smiled: “When I was three, I secretly hid lollipops under my pillow. My grandfather scared me by saying if I ate candy, worms would grow in my mouth and they’d hammer at my teeth all day with little hammers. I was young and ignorant then and told him everything – as a result, I got a beating from my grandfather. That directly led to my trauma about those eight characters [‘tell all, holding nothing back’] today.”
The host laughed awkwardly: “DJ Yan is so humorous.”
Knowing he wouldn’t be as easy to handle as other guests, the host became more reserved, asking questions from online surveys about favorite colors, animals, food, memorable experiences, and so on.
Yan Xi answered each one, treating them as formally as possible.
The director grew anxious and started signaling the host with his eyes. The host changed tack, asking Yan Xi: “Recently, there’s been a lot of buzz about your rumored relationship with host Chu Yun. Is it true?”
Yan Xi smiled but said nothing.
The host probed: “Could it be true?”
Yan Xi said: “If I say it’s true or false, the show loses its effect. Better to stay silent – that makes you even more curious.”
The host cursed internally: Damn, making someone who lives by their mouth try to verbally tease someone who lives by their face – isn’t that tragic? But outwardly, he smiled and said: “Well, what does Miss Chu have to say about this? And what about Lu Liu, DJ Yan’s good friend and the young master of the Lu family?”
When topics run thin, bring in the beautiful women and handsome men.
Yan Xi crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow as he watched the two people appear from the other side.
Chu Yun wore a beige Chanel cocktail dress – coincidentally the one Yan Xi had given her last time. Her expression wasn’t her usual on-camera dignity but rather carried much more liveliness and ease. With delicate features and fair skin, she instantly drew goodwill from viewers.
As for Lu Liu, in a blue suit with an iron-gray tie, he was like a jade statue, showing neither joy nor anger. Seeing Yan Xi, he revealed a slight smile.
Yan Xi didn’t particularly mind being on the show and spoke plainly: “Why did you come?” His tone was directed at Lu Liu.
Lu Liu formed a steeple with his long fingers under his chin, also showing a dismissive attitude: “I happened to have time and came to see you. What, not welcome?”
Chu Yun plopped down between the two men, blocking their line of sight, and smiled at the host: “Host Huang, we can continue.”
Yan Xi frowned and lightly pushed Chu Yun: “Hey, aren’t you cramped? There’s another set of sofas opposite us.”
Chu Yun lowered her head, eyes sparkling, voice very soft: “Yan Xi, I’m not afraid of Lu Liu you don’t need to worry.”
Yan Xi ran his fingers across his forehead and laughed: “Please, Miss, that person next to you is my childhood friend.”
The host’s glasses glinted craftily: “What are you two whispering about? You seem very close.”
Chu Yun smiled: “DJ Yan and I are good friends who can drink and eat together, watch movies, exchange gifts – don’t read too much into it.”
Yan Xi: “…”
Lu Liu smiled faintly, his eyes gentle: “Yes, Yan Xi often goes out to play with Miss Chu, frequently neglecting gatherings with friends because of it.”
Yan Xi twitched.
Chu Yun glanced at Lu Liu, with fake sincerity: “That’s not true, I often encourage him to hang out with you all.”
The host was completely excited: “This is a dating situation! Sure enough, you two have gotten together.”
Yan Xi snorted: “You’re jumping to conclusions a bit too quickly.”
Chu Yun’s face turned red: “Yan Xi, have you forgotten what day today is – um, January 9th?”
Yan Xi narrowed his eyes: “What day?”
“You know, the day I first met you. During that show game, the three-legged race, we were paired together…”
Yan Xi looked puzzled: “And then?”
Chu Yun smiled: “And then, I fell in love with you at first sight.”
Everyone was stunned – after all, this was an entertainment show, and not many would joke about their reputation.
After a three-second pause, the host recovered and began congratulating them, asking Yan Xi for his thoughts.
So what thoughts could Yan Xi have? He said: “Thank you for your affection, Host Chu. I hadn’t realized today was so meaningful…” He lowered his head, his soft hair falling forward as he gritted his teeth, “Chu Yun, are you asking for a beating?”
Chu Yun held her head high: “I have to live up to the Chanel you gave me.”
Lu Liu looked amused, leaning against one side of the sofa, long legs crossed, watching their little interactions.
The host said: “Since our beautiful host has made such a bold confession, does DJ Yan have any response?”
Yan Xi went “Ah” and “Oh,” then realized it was time for the talent portion and said: “I’ll play a piano piece, dedicated to Chu Yun, um… and our anniversary.”
Naturally, the piano had been prepared in advance. Yan Xi checked his wristwatch, adjusted the piano bench distance, and his slender fingers lifted the piano lid.
He thought for a moment, looking at the black and white keys under his fingers, his black hair hiding his expression, a smile on his lips carrying rare gentleness.
He said: “Devotion’s My Prayer.”
Warm, delicate piano notes rang out, beginning with a monologue:
Dear God,
I know that she’s out there, the one I’m supposed to share my whole life with. And in time, you’ll show her to me. Will you take care of her, comfort her, and protect her, until the day we meet? And let her know, my heart is beating with hers.
Flowing fingers, slowed voice as if wholly doting on someone, yet helpless about that person.
Dear God, such a confiding tone, wholehearted devotion, pouring out all tenderness, given to whose god.
Stopped keys, slightly cool fingers, following pipa notes, pale colors.
Silence, emptiness, gentle progression, end path confusion, white snow outside the window.
Unceasing breath not seen, yet rising again, warming the room, prayer.
In a dream, I hold you close
Embracing you with my hands
You gazed at me with eyes full of love and made me understand
That I was meant to share it with you my heart my mind my soul
Then I opened my eyes
And all I see on reality shows I’m alone
But I know someday that you’ll be by my side
Cause I know God’s just waiting till the time is right
God will you keep her safe from the thunderstorm
When the day’s cold will you keep her warm
When the darkness falls will you please shine her the way
God will you let her know that I love her so
When there’s no one there she’s not alone
Just close her eyes and let her know
My heart is beating with hers
So I prayed until that day when our hearts will beat as one
I will wait so patiently
For that day to come
My Prayer, my prayer.
He said, I don’t believe in the existence of God in this world, but if such a person truly exists, I would be grateful, humbling my blood and pride, viewing them as God.
He said, they don’t even need to bring that person to my side, as long as they cherish and love them dearly, I would still be grateful.
After a long time, his extended shoulder blades finally withdrew. When he raised his eyes again, they held coldness and distance – the earlier gentleness completely gone.
Turning around, large eyes containing a powerful soul, he looked at Chu Yun, smiling, and spoke clearly: “To the lovely Miss Chu, for your love at first sight.”
Chu Yun blinked: “I think God has already arranged the best leading lady by your side.”
Lu Liu smiled faintly, looking at the studio clock: “Although I’m sorry, I must remind you both, it’s now six minutes past midnight, January 10th.”