Concerned about Yun Zai’s health, A Heng rented an apartment near the school despite it being close to finals.

Yun Zai didn’t have much luggage. Even after adding some books and dictionaries, the independent small room still looked empty.

Fortunately, the living allowance from home was adequate. A Heng saved some money to buy Yun Zai a thick quilt and new bed sheets. Thinking about it, although Yun Zai preferred cleanliness and simplicity, he had always envied peers who could play ball games when he was young, so she also bought a soccer ball and basketball to put in his room. Then she cleaned the living room and bathroom. The house looked neat – not bad at all.

A Heng spent the whole afternoon busy with preparations. Yun Zai followed her around with a smile, not helping, just quietly watching, his fair face tinged with a slight blush.

The previous tenant must have been quite messy – the white walls had many shoe prints and looked dirty. A Heng calculated that hiring someone to paint would not be cost-effective, so she bought painting tools herself. Following the instructions, she mixed the coating material and wore a paper cap to paint the walls.

But Yun Zai’s eyes curved with laughter, his lips revealing teeth as white as fine rice grains. He snatched away her brush and paper cap, standing beside her and leisurely painting the wall, his clean, full nails showing a slight paleness.

A Heng smiled too: “Just finish this up, I need to go.”

Yun Zai turned to look at her: “Where are you going?”

A Heng replied, puzzled: “Back to the dorm. They’ll lock the building soon if I’m late.”

The smile disappeared from his face: “You mean, you want me to live here alone?”

A Heng nodded, chuckling: “Starting tomorrow, I’ll cook special meals for you, three times a day. How about we fatten you up a bit?”

She ruffled his hair with the gentle gaze one would give a child. But Yun Zai dodged away. A Heng’s hand hung in the air for a moment before dropping. She pressed her lips together, knowing he had grown up and naturally wouldn’t like being treated as he was when young. Her heart felt a bit sour.

Yun Zai threw the brush into the bucket and spoke softly: “Why won’t you live here with me?”

A Heng took off her plastic gloves, smiling faintly: “You’re grown up now. People will gossip if I live with you. I’ll wake you up tomorrow morning and make corn porridge, okay?”

Yun Zai looked at her, his gaze like clouds, smiling yet unclear. He said: “What about Yan Xi? Haven’t you been living at his place all along?”

A Heng looked at him, quite confused about why he would ask this question, but still answered: “Yan Xi is different.”

She walked out, closed the door, and went downstairs. After a few steps, she heard a loud bang of a basketball hitting a door upstairs. She thought some kid was being too rough – if it were Yun Zai, he would never be so violent.

From that day on, A Heng had to make several trips between campus and the apartment every day – buying groceries, cooking, attending classes, cooking again, and returning to the dorm.

Yun Zai asked A Heng: “Aren’t you tired?”

A Heng was cooking corn porridge. She turned around, shaking her head, looking at him with constant tender affection.

He smiled slightly: “You’ve been living as a rich family’s daughter, haven’t you cooked for a long time?”

A Heng paused, giving a vague sound of agreement. She hoped Yun Zai would think she was living happily.

During dinner, Yun Zai asked: “Do you have money? I want to buy a laptop.”

A Heng frowned, unconsciously chewing on pickles, thinking about her previous part-time job earnings, and hesitantly asked: “How much do you need?”

Yun Zai spoke slowly: “Over ten thousand yuan.”

A Heng was silent for a while before asking: “Do you need it urgently?”

She had never been wasteful with money, unlike the young master, and misses Si Wan and Si Er. The Wen family only sent her about five thousand yuan every half year, and even adding the meager thousand-something yuan saved from her part-time job, it was far from enough to reach ten thousand.

Yun Zai looked up, his black pupils containing a smile: “It doesn’t matter whether it’s urgent or not. If I have to buy it myself, I couldn’t afford it for at least four years.”

A Heng’s heart sank. She lowered her head and spoke softly: “This Sunday, I’ll take you to buy it.” Then she picked up a chicken wing for him, smiled slightly, and told him to eat more, while absently thinking about the money issue as she ate her vegetables.

Yun Zai watched her with a complex expression, his clear eyes as gentle as clouds yet carrying an impenetrable coldness.

She called Mother Wen: “Mom, our school needs to collect… miscellaneous fees early.”

Mother Wen laughed: “Alright, I’ll have my secretary transfer money to you tomorrow. Will eight thousand be enough?”

A Heng became somewhat flustered: “Not that much, Mom, not that much. Three thousand… nine…” She thought for a moment, licked her lips, stuttering, “Three thousand nine hundred… thirty yuan would be enough.”

Mother Wen laughed: “Being silly again, who transfers just thirty yuan! Never mind, I’ll send you five thousand yuan, use it as you see fit.”

A Heng shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. She felt she had betrayed her mother’s love. She said: “Mom, just three thousand nine, okay?”

Mother Wen heard the distress in her child’s voice but didn’t understand why. Thinking she should give her child some space, she didn’t ask, just said tenderly: “Alright, alright, just three thousand nine. If it’s not enough, tell Mom.”

After hanging up, A Heng’s palms were sweaty, and her heart felt like she had done something wrong. Mother was so good and gentle to her, yet she took advantage of this to make demands – it was too terrible. Her relationship with Mom had never been as harmonious as now. If she knew she had been deceived, would she dislike her even more?

This child, with her straight and inflexible personality, had never deceived anyone before. She worried like this, her mind troubled for a long time, only falling into a confused sleep at dawn.

Yun Zai bought a newly released imported laptop with excellent performance, totaling thirteen thousand yuan.

A Heng took out all her scholarship money, plus her previously calculated living expenses, part-time job savings, and her mother’s remittance – fortunately, it was enough. Counting what remained, she had just over three hundred yuan to make do with until Spring Festival.

Yun Zai’s expression still showed that shallow smile, not particularly happy.

A Heng felt this child had changed a lot compared to when he was younger, but couldn’t pinpoint exactly how.

A Heng rarely ate with Yun Zai anymore, always hurrying away after cooking a single portion, saying her coursework was heavy. Yun Zai’s face showed no expression, just watching her without speaking.

Around a few days before Christmas, she developed a low fever. With SARS not yet eliminated and bird flu following the trend, she went to the school hospital for fear of infection. The doctor said it was nothing serious, just low blood sugar, gave her an IV of glucose, some fever medication, and advised her to eat more nutritious food.

A Heng nodded in agreement and was about to leave when the doctor shook his head: “Kids these days, don’t know how to save money properly. Don’t know whether they save more by skimping on food or spend more on getting sick!”

A Heng hadn’t eaten breakfast these days, and lunch and dinner were just making do. Hearing the doctor’s words made her quite embarrassed. She awkwardly peeled off the IV tape from her hand and went to Yun Zai’s place.

Sharp-eyed Yun Zai asked what happened to her hand, noting the obvious bruise. A Heng said she had bumped it on a table corner.

He went downstairs to buy medicine for her. When he returned, A Heng was wearing an apron in the kitchen, cutting vegetables, her head lowered showing her neck, fair and somewhat warm.

He watched her for a very long time, then gently hugged her from behind, closed his eyes, his expression somewhat complex, and said: “Wen Heng, I hate you.”

A Heng was busy and took it as childish affection: “Mm-hmm, I hate you too. Go on, move aside, the oil is hot, don’t get burned.”

But he smiled, his eyes so clear they could disperse clouds. He let go and sat at the dining table, speaking softly: “Hey, if you cook for me for a lifetime, I’ll try to forgive you, how about that?”

Such soft words, like a sigh – A Heng in the kitchen didn’t hear them.

The day before Christmas, when A Heng finished afternoon classes, a classmate said someone was looking for her outside the school.

A Heng asked who it was.

The classmate thought for a moment, blushing: “Someone with very large, beautiful eyes.”

A Heng paused briefly, then dashed out of the teaching building in the next second. She ran past winter’s withered trees, past the snow-covered football field with no grass, her heart pounding.

Seeing that person standing there, wearing the old scarf she had knitted for him, his handsome figure – tears suddenly welled up in A Heng’s eyes. From a distance, she called out “Yan Xi,” her heart aching with anxiety.

He turned around, his eyes very bright, very bright.

She quickened her pace; he stretched out his arms, waving his gloved left hand again and again.

But A Heng suddenly felt overwhelmed, tears falling like loose pearls, full and burning hot. She lowered her head and sprinted the last hundred meters, rushing into his embrace.

He laughed, almost knocked over by the tremendous force, but his arms held her tight and secure as if embracing something more precious than anything else could be. He didn’t even want to ask why she was crying, didn’t want to speak of longing, didn’t want to speak of the overwhelming joy that seeing her in person brought – joy that exceeded what his heart could bear.

He picked her up and spun in circles outside Z University’s gate, laughing with reddened eyes: “Baby, baby, see, I can still lift you.”

But A Heng cried, unable to control her emotions, choking out: “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m sorry, Yan Xi.”

He gently kissed her forehead, murmuring over and over: “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

She said: “It’s all because you’ve spoiled me.”

Making her miss him, miss being that carefree child by his side.

He wrapped her hands in his, his fair fingers gently wiping away her tears, somewhat helplessly: “You said I should beat you three times a day, but how could I bear to, right?”

So, let her be spoiled then – whoever has a problem with that can take it up with me.

A Heng suddenly remembered they were at the school gate. She poked her head out from his embrace, coughed, and dusted off her coat, somewhat awkwardly glancing at passersby A through H, who all wore ambiguous expressions as they passed by, making A Heng increasingly embarrassed.

She didn’t see Yan Xi’s car and asked how he came.

Yan Xi said by plane, then remembered something and pulled out a bright red apple from his grey-blue coat: “We have lots of apples at home, Aunt Yun Yi asked me to bring you some.”

A Heng took the apple, sniffled, smiled with bright eyes, and opened her mouth wide, but Yan Xi snatched it away.

He rolled his eyes: “This child, how can you be so greedy? Wait until dark to eat.”

Look here, Young Master Yan, if you’re bringing peace apples, just say they’re peace apples. Who hasn’t eaten peace apples before? You flew all this way just to deliver them for eating. You’re shy about it and blame it on Mother Wen sending apples, that’s one thing, but then you won’t let the child eat when she wants to, and not only that, you call her greedy – how can you be so domineering?

A Heng: “Oh, so you came just to deliver apples?”

Yan Xi said: “Ah, actually I wasn’t planning to come, just thought since we haven’t seen each other for three months, figured you must be missing me so much you couldn’t sit still, so I came to check on you. Mainly because Aunt Yun Yi asked me to deliver apples and I couldn’t refuse…”

A Heng: “Then you can go back, I haven’t missed you, seeing you give me a headache.”

Yan Xi looked at the child once and said: “Don’t move, baby, attention, stand straight.”

A Heng: “Huh?”

Yan Xi: “Damn it, I raised you at home so well, plump and soft, pinchable and squeezable like a little treasure, and you’ve only been here a few days – how did you end up like this? Nothing but bones and dark circles!”

A Heng grabbed Yan Xi’s hand with tears in her eyes, pouting: “I want… to eat meat!”

Yan Xi trembled, looking at A Heng’s wolf-like bright eyes, trembling as he stroked her: “Baby, how long have you been hungry?” He hugged the child into a taxi, saying, “Wherever has the best meat in your area, that’s where we’re going.”

The driver looked in the rearview mirror – they didn’t look like country bumpkins – and said: “Would you like to go somewhere high-end, mid-range, or budget—”

Yan Xi slapped the seat: “Meat meat meat, just want meat, wherever makes good meat!”

The driver dropped them off at a place and sped away, afraid he might accidentally get eaten as meat himself.

Yan Xi ordered a table full of meat dishes: shredded duck in sauce, Kung Pao chicken, beef steak on an iron plate, fish-flavored shredded pork, squirrel-shaped mandarin fish, plus pork rib soup.

A Heng was tearful but after a few bites, her stomach couldn’t handle it. She had been eating only vegetarian food for a month straight, and suddenly having meat was too much to handle. She sheepishly put down her chopsticks: “Yan Xi, why aren’t you eating?”

Yan Xi felt heartbroken: “If you didn’t have money, you should have said so! What’s the point of having money at home if not to spend it on you – are they saving it to hatch more?”

A Heng said: “I was doing a human limits test, it’s related to medicine.”

Yan Xi raged: “Who came up with this nonsense? They must not raise kids themselves to not know how hard it is to raise children, damn it!”

A Heng choked on her soup.

Yan Xi took a napkin to wipe her mouth, looking at how A Heng’s face had become noticeably thinner, feeling increasingly heartbroken, he said: “Baby, let’s not torture ourselves like this anymore, eat properly, okay?”

A Heng nodded, choking up: “I’ve missed you so much, Yan Xi, you never came to see me.”

Yan Xi was silent for a moment, then pinched her nose, smiling: “Little crybaby, little bed-wetter, isn’t Yun Zai there? With him by your side, I’m at ease.”

A Heng thought about it – Yan Xi and Zai Zai were different.

But she didn’t say this because she remembered something very serious – Zai Zai hadn’t eaten dinner yet.

She borrowed Yan Xi’s phone, intending to tell Yun Zai to eat something simple first, and that she would cook for him when she got back, but his phone couldn’t be connected and went to voicemail.

Christmas Eve in H City was as lively as in B City.

Young men and women, mostly teenagers, all carried a hint of that gentle Jiangnan romance. First love, offering peaches and plums, reciprocating with jade and precious stones – even with snow hanging from tree branches, there was still tender affection in the air.

On the street, there were balloon sellers – white balloons with baby faces, plastic helium balloons, and long caterpillar balloons in various colors.

Yan Xi bought A Heng a golden caterpillar balloon. Onlookers found the handsome man and beautiful woman pleasing to the eye, but then this caterpillar balloon appeared abruptly, destroying the aesthetic in an instant.

A Heng didn’t mind, she was very happy, though the helium in the balloon kept trying to float skyward.

Yan Xi stopped walking and tied the balloon string to A Heng’s left wrist, a red string, gently knotted.

Like the red thread in the book of Fate, finding its tender place on her wrist.

She smiled, looking at the balloon, her left hand holding his right.

At that time, many sky lanterns were floating in the air, one person, one wish.

Three yuan each, buying one wish.

Yan Xi asked if she wanted one, but A Heng shook her head: “I can’t selfishly put all my hopes in one lantern, it’s too light, it can’t bear the weight.”

Yan Xi joked: “Then make a wish to me instead, I’ll be your Santa Claus, responsible for filling your stockings.”

A Heng thought for a moment, then laughed heartily, saying: “You’d suffocate in the socks.” She couldn’t imagine the scene of Yan Xi stuffed inside a long stocking, it was too funny.

But what she wanted, indeed, was just this person.

Yan Xi had already bought his return ticket before coming, a ten o’clock night flight.

He watched A Heng finish eating the apple before kissing her cheek and saying Merry Christmas, smiling to show his white teeth. He said: “Baby, I did come because I wanted to spend Christmas Eve with you, I want you to always be safe and sound, but you know, it’s quite difficult for a man to admit this.”

He looked at her tenderly and lovingly: “Eat well. And, please thank Yun Zai for me.” He turned around, waved his gloved hand, and left gracefully.

A Heng kept watching his back until he went far away and disappeared into the fog.

This time, it seemed to be the last time she would see his complete silhouette as her Mr. Yan, not as a stranger named Yan Xi.

A Heng hurried back to cook for Yun Zai, but several street lights on that road were broken, making it quite dark at night.

A Heng walked through the darkness toward the faculty housing where Yun Zai lived, then saw a tall, thin figure in the dim streetlight, dressed very thinly.

When A Heng got closer, she discovered it was Yun Zai – his lips were white from cold, and under the streetlight, his face looked terrible.

A Heng was startled and worried: “In such cold weather, what are you doing standing here?”

But the youth’s eyes seemed to hold unscattered clouds as he said slowly: “I was waiting for you.”

A Heng was angry with worry: “How long have you been standing here?” She held his hand – it was ice cold.

But he pulled his hand away from hers, speaking softly: “Wen Heng, if you want to ease your guilty conscience by being nice to me, besides money, you should act more convincingly.”

He lowered his head and gripped her chin, biting down hard on her lips, his eyes cold and mocking, no longer showing his usual gentle casualness, he said: “Rich people, really are something else.”

They stood on opposite sides of the streetlight, like enemies facing off.

A Heng pushed him away, wiping away the blood from where he had bitten her lip, speaking faintly, her gaze clear and bland: “Speak. Say everything you want to say at once.”

Then, she took off her down jacket and threw it to him.

Yun Zai had been standing in the snowy night for who knows how long, his lips tinted with the color of snow.

He smiled slightly, saying: “Nothing much. Yan Xi paid three hundred thousand to have me accompany you. Originally, I thought this business wasn’t a big deal, just had to endure your pretenses. But now I realize I’ve lost badly in this deal – I can’t stand you, seeing you smile at me makes me sick.”

Then, his slender hands lightly tossed the down jacket that had been placed on him moments ago into the snow, with a look as if seeing dirty dust.

He said: “Is it fun treating others like toys? Yan Xi said you missed me, but was it really missing me, or did you just want to show your kindness and mercy in front of your beloved?”

The youth exhaled, speaking softly: “Wen Heng, how much did you miss the brother you avoided seeing for five years? Just how deep and memorable was this missing that you only met once in five years? If Yan Xi hadn’t paid me and hadn’t asked me to see you, you probably would have spent your whole life simply ‘missing’ someone called Yun Zai, right? I hadn’t planned on seeing you either, much less accompanying you. Although rich people want to play games, the terms seem unfair. If you want to continue pretending to be kind in front of your beloved, it would be more appropriate to add some more money, don’t you think?”

Those mocking eyes with a smile of insight, looking at A Heng, like Buddha’s contemptuous gaze upon mortals.

But A Heng slapped this youth hard across his left cheek.

Yun Zai stood there in disbelief, frozen.

She faced him, her voice toneless: “If I weren’t concerned about your health, you’d get more than just this slap. When your muddled brain from chanting too many sutras clears up and you understand, then talk.”

After saying this, she bent down to pick up the down jacket, patted off the snow and put it on, then turned to leave.

Tears welled up in Yun Zai’s eyes, but he smiled serenely: “Wen Heng, what right do you have to hit me? Because of your Wen surname or the blood flowing in your bones?”

She stopped walking, feeling dizzy, blood rushing to her head, but she bit her teeth to control herself: “Siblings fighting like this, only something less than a human would do such a thing!”

Her words were extremely harsh, showing unprecedented sharpness, her eye sockets red as if stained with blood, her heart so cold it trembled.

She stood at the public phone booth, looking at the ten numbers, her fingertips frozen through, her eyes barely able to see the snow outside the booth.

She said: “Mom, I want to ask you something.”

That voice seemed to come from beyond the sky, desolate and hoarse.

Mother Wen was startled: “A Heng, what’s wrong, did you eat your Christmas apple today?”

But A Heng interrupted her: “Mom, during those two years I was away, did anything happen to the Yun family?”

Mom didn’t like her associating with the Yun family. Afraid that the Wen family would cut off Zai Zai’s medical expenses, A Heng had always contacted the hospital secretly. Although she would call the hospital regularly, they wouldn’t give detailed accounts of the patient’s condition, so she only knew the general situation. From his hospitalization to discharge, she had recorded every instance clearly in her diary.

Mother Wen paused, saying: “Nothing much happened, just that their son needed surgery before, they said the success rate was less than forty percent, and he wanted to see you once. At first, they wrote letters, then later they sent a bag of dried bamboo shoots through someone, saying they preserved them at home for us to try, asking if you could find time to see their son, that child missed you. I thought there was no point bothering you about this, and they kept calling every few days – your grandfather likes peace, it was quite annoying, so I refused. But I called the Southern Military Region Hospital and asked them to take good care of him. Later his surgery was successful, wasn’t it? Now that bag of bamboo shoots is almost moldy at home, no one’s eating it…”

A Heng spoke softly, but her spirit seemed to have left her body, her eyes unfocused as she watched the snow falling outside the booth, a tiny, flickering smile.

“Mom, did you ever really treat me as your child? Do you know how much I love you? I often think you’re the most beautiful, youngest mom in the world. When I first met you, I kept thinking, how could you be so beautiful, and how could I possibly be your daughter? But why is it that every time I carefully try to get closer to you, you always push me away with reasons I can’t refuse?”

Her voice was very small, but tears kept flowing from her eyes.

“Mom, if you had ever loved me even one ten-thousandth as much as I love you if you could worry and feel sad about my unhappiness the way I do about yours, wouldn’t you think about me just a little? That son of the Yun family you mentioned, he’s not just a handful of worthless dust. Perhaps in your eyes, he’s worth even less than the dried bamboo shoots my birth parents spent countless days and nights making, but your biological daughter is that handful of worthless dust’s sister. Even in that rural town, because he’s a boy, I’m worth less than him! Just like how Si Wan would protect Er Er with her life, I too would cry and suffer for this child who you think is so lowly and worthless, even give up the family I once had. Mom, if you truly loved me…

“If you had ever truly loved such a humble child…”

She put down the receiver and walked in the snow, the balloon on her left hand had been lost at some unknown time.

The receiver hung absurdly upside down, the phone cord sagging under its weight, with faint, sorrowful calls of “A Heng” coming through.

A Heng, A Heng.

A Heng didn’t know how she got back to her dorm. She took off her clothes and curled up under the covers, at first feeling very cold, then burning hot, until her consciousness finally blurred.

When she woke up, it was already noon the next day.

Big Sister Wu Ying, seeing A Heng awake, worriedly felt her forehead with her own: “You’re burning up badly, let’s go to the hospital.”

A Heng nodded saying “Okay,” but her voice was unrecognizably hoarse, and her tonsils seemed inflamed too.

Little Five shook her head: “No good, she’ll be quarantined for a month if we go. Let’s get some medicine from the lab and give her an injection here, it’s not above thirty-eight degrees, right?”

Little Four pulled the thermometer from A Heng’s armpit, and squinted at it – thirty-eight point seven.

Little Three jumped up: “Nonsense, we’re all just amateurs, the child’s eyes are red with fever, if anything happens can you make up for it?”

Wu Ying frowned, and wrapped A Heng in a coat: “Enough talking, let’s split up. Little Four, notify the counselor and get a leave slip, Little Three and I will take A Heng to the hospital, Little Five, ask for leave from Professor Deng for today’s pathology class.”

Since A Heng had a high fever, going to the school hospital meant staying in the fever ward, then isolation, treatment, temperature checks, and observation.

Little Five would look at her through iron bars each time, like visiting a prisoner, grabbing her hand and wiping tears, A Heng when are you coming back; wiping tears, A Heng what about my final exams without you, who will I copy from; wiping more tears, A Heng should I tell your husband to come see you?

A Heng said: “If he calls the dorm, tell him to go die.”

Little Five: “Could it be that your man can’t satisfy your desires? Your passion rose, burning fierce, that’s why you got a fever…”

A Heng pulled back her hand, withered from the hospital’s awful food, looking skyward: “You go die too.”

Little Five said: “No way, who’ll bring you jelly and candy if I die? I just bought these yesterday, here.”

A Heng hushed her, secretly glancing around, seeing no doctors watching, wrapped herself in her hospital gown, pretending to have a stomachache as she sneaked back to her ward. She ducked her head under the covers, turned on a flashlight, and immediately pouted, Five Sis I wanted Zhenzhi Stick not cream sticks I hate cream sticks.

While the child was sulking, the hospital doctor said: “Number fifty-three, someone’s here to see you.”

A Heng lifted the covers to check her bed number, sure enough, she was… number fifty-three.

She got out of bed, put on slippers, and obediently followed the doctor to meet visitors.

On the way she met a familiar classmate who asked: “How long have you been staying here?”

“Twenty-three days and eight hours.”

“Lucky you, you must be getting out soon?”

“Yes, finally made it through, how about you?”

“Oh, I’ve still got fifteen days and four hours to go.”

So, if you change days to years and hours to months, it might sound more familiar. Ahem, more like being in prison.

A Heng walked to the iron bars in her hospital gown and looked – at an unexpected visitor, Yun Zai.

Yun Zai smiled slightly: “You’re something, everyone in your dorm is scolding me, saying you got a fever of thirty-nine degrees from cooking for me, and I’m a heartless little brat who hasn’t even visited my sister once. So tell me, Big Sister, what are your instructions?”

That “Big Sister” was his childhood way of addressing her, but hearing it now was indescribably grating to A Heng’s ears.

A Heng stared at him, her bright black eyes looking at him, and she said: “I don’t deserve to be called ‘Big Sister.’ From now on, let’s go our separate ways. You’ve accompanied me long enough, the three hundred thousand was worth it. From today on, don’t hang around rich people like me anymore, you really can’t afford to play rich people’s games.”

She turned and left with a sweep of her sleeve.

But sitting back in her bed, she started crying.

I love you so much, but besides exchange value, what use is it? I care for you so much, yet you’d rather take someone else’s three hundred thousand than accept my care. Have you ever seen a rich person who eats plain pickles for a month to buy meat for you? You were wronged and wanted your big sister, but if we could return to the old days, wouldn’t that big sister still choose the same path, entering the Wen family?

You, you… little thing!

A Heng wiped away her tears and walked to the window, Yun Zai’s silhouette shimmering in the winter sunlight.

The old days were like a beauty, impossible to hate.

When A Heng’s winter break came, it was Si Wan who came to pick her up, saying Yan Xi had something to do and couldn’t come. A Heng thought about it – maybe it’s better he didn’t come, she probably couldn’t control the urge to kill him if she saw him.

Yan Xi’s thoughts were increasingly hard to understand, who knew what he was thinking?

Si Wan drove, looking at the highway ahead, carefully opening up: “A Heng, are you angry at Mom? That Yun family child, ah no, Yun Zai – Mom didn’t mean to. When you weren’t home, Mom’s excuse to others was that you were sick, so you were sent south to recover and study. Besides, she already wanted to cut off all your connections to the past, letting you live your whole life in the south, to avoid getting caught in the whirlpool. Moreover, Mom always thought that Yan Xi—”

A Heng finished her sentence: “Is from a different world than me, right?” She lowered her eyelids, saying, “I know. He’s too clever, too calculating. And I’m too stupid, always unable to keep up with his pace, I’ve always known this.”

Si Wan gave a bitter smile: “No, it’s not like that at all. What Mom and Dad worry about was never this, what they fear is that you like him too much.”

A Heng’s face alternated between pale and red, “like too much” – these words were too… explicit.

Si Wan glanced at her, shaking her head: “You think you’ve hidden it so well, but even someone as simple as Da Yi could see it at a glance. When we all went out together, Da Yi often joked asking Yan Xi when he would propose.”

A Heng rubbed the flush on her face, saying: “Now everyone knows we’re dating, isn’t it normal to ask that?”

Si Wan snorted: “You think he asked this when? Second semester of tenth grade!”

A Heng immediately became embarrassed, her face like sunset clouds.

Si Wan turned the steering wheel, saying: “A Heng, everyone knows you love Yan Xi, including Yan Xi. Everyone knows Yan Xi cares for Wen Heng, and spoils Wen Heng, but including you, everyone knows this isn’t synonymous with love.

“A Heng, he knows your bottom line clearly, but you have no idea what he’s thinking. A Heng, if what you want is his romantic love, then you’ll always be the loser.”

A Heng remained silent, her head against the car window, saying: “Si Wan, although saying this to you seems hypocritical, I’ve always been trying, trying to give Yan Xi more reasons to choose me, not because of debt repayment, not because of gratitude.”

A Heng found it strange that she had never thought she would discuss Yan Xi so calmly with Si Wan. Although they both blurred and diluted this definition, besides being siblings, they were indeed also love rivals.

But Si Wan smiled: “In many ways, what you need to overcome is even more than Lu Liu. All he needs to consider is just gender.”

Si Wan didn’t compare herself but mentioned Lu Liu, her implication very clear.

What A Heng needed to overcome was Yan Xi’s romantic love, while for Lu Liu, apart from gender, there weren’t such considerations.

The further implication could lead to the conclusion that “Yan Xi likes Lu Liu.”

A Heng smiled slightly, but her expression was very pained, she said: “Brother, stop talking, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear today’s words. I have my own goals to strive for, but they have nothing to do with Yan Xi. Besides accepting, he has the freedom to refuse. If he can’t bear to part with me because he’s afraid of hurting me, that’s already related to love. You can’t and have no reason to say Yan Xi doesn’t love me. Yan Xi isn’t a kind person, nor will he become kind because of me, but his way of treating me often makes me mistakenly think he’s the kindest person in the world, isn’t that enough to prove something—”

But Si Wan interrupted her, her slender fingers rubbing her brow, taking a deep breath, saying: “If I’m saying, he could bear to leave you, what would you think, what would you do?”

A Heng lowered her head, counting on her fingers: “If he leaves, that means he could bear it. If he could bear it, he must… must… think there’s no possibility of loving me.”

But Si Wan turned her head, looking at her seriously: “What about you? What would you do? Tell me.”

A Heng stared blankly: “After a breakup, you cry and drink and feel awful, do I need to tell you this?”

Si Wan burst out laughing, tears glimmering in her eyes, speaking with refined rudeness: “Damn, you’re made of the same stuff as your brother, pure diamond.”

A Heng glanced at her: “Damn you too.”

Mother Wen sneezed twice while waiting for her son and daughter at home.

Auntie Zhang in the kitchen was picking through a handful of spoiled dried bamboo shoots for edible ones, muttering: “How long has this been here, why think of eating it now, what were they doing earlier?”

Yan Xi wasn’t clear that A Heng was angry with him. It just happened that whenever he called their dorm, Little Five would apologetically say: “Sorry, A Heng is in the bathroom.”

One day he called eight times, and each time she was in the bathroom.

Yan Xi asked if this was frequent urination or constipation.

Little Five smiled awkwardly, both, both.

Then Yan Xi understood that A Heng must be very busy, too busy to pay attention to him. Stroking his non-existent beard, he sighed that the child had grown up and indeed needed that… what was it… personal space.

He texted Yun Zai asking him to take good care of A Heng, but Yun Zai just sent a smiley face and one sentence: “I thought you loved her so much.”

The tone was too ambiguous – was it sarcasm or a joke?

If it was a joke, it should be translated as: haha, you don’t love her as much as I do; if it was sarcasm: hmph, if you loved her, would you need to understand her every move through me?

Young Master Yan found both interpretations uncomfortable, so he spat and sent back: “I only tolerate you because you’re Yun Zai, I’m telling you, kid.”

Because you’re Yun Zai.

Really.

Seeing A Heng at the Wen house, she could now get along harmoniously with her family, which comforted Yan Xi’s old heart.

But the child wouldn’t pay attention to him. When she saw him, she’d say a few polite words perfunctorily, then duck into the kitchen, living room, bedroom – anywhere he wasn’t.

He forgot, or perhaps had some other reason, anyway he didn’t mention having A Heng stay at the Yan house for a few days. However, for A Heng, the Yan house felt more like her home.

Si Er smiled: “How can you be so cruel, Yan Xi?”

But Yan Xi curved his big eyes, going crazy along with the puppet dolls on the children’s channel, hitting high notes: “Two tigers, two tigers, running fast, running fast, one has no ears, one has no ears, how strange, how strange…”

A Heng covered her ears, adding clear soup to the copper hot pot, muttering softly: “What’s this, it’s ‘one has no tail,’ you think you’re a tape recorder?”

Si Wan was gentlemanly, not covering his ears, but faced the wall trembling nonstop, his eyes reddening, until Yan Xi kicked him and gifted him with an eye-roll the size of a longan.

People in B City love hot pots in winter, and the more traditional ones prefer copper hot pots with burning charcoal. Tall chimneys, thin rolled slices of lamb, a family sitting together – it looks prosperous and lively to anyone watching. But if you don’t buy good charcoal, it tends to give off black ash, leaving people covered in soot, sometimes even sparking and frightening people. But since the family loved it, Mother Wen had no choice, always busy for days before the New Year selecting charcoal, quite a troublesome task.

This year was better – one of Father Wen’s former soldiers had specially delivered several bags of good charcoal before his discharge, saying he knew the Deputy Commander’s old customs, and although these were just cheap things, they could be used for barbecue and hot pot. He also brought a blue cloth package, saying they were Deputy Commander Wen’s remaining belongings that he had sorted through.

Mother Wen opened it to find a thick hardcover diary and several unsent family letters, one of which was addressed to Wen Heng.

A Heng read the letter, folded it neatly, and placed it at the bottom of the drawer, then carefully wrote a reply letter and burned it for her father, kowtowing three solid times before his memorial tablet, making loud thudding sounds that startled Si Wan and Si Er – so forceful, making it hard for those who came after.

When it was their turn to kowtow, they gritted their teeth and slammed their heads against the floor – Dad, we’re just as filial!

Standing up, each had a bump on their head, with A Heng slightly ahead. Si Er covered his bump and looked askance: “Masochist.”

A Heng helplessly: “I have my reasons, what are you competing with me for?”

Yan Xi held a bowl with some cooked meat, peering with his big eyes: “Done kowtowing? If you’re done, everyone goes out for hot pot, I’ll light some incense.”

The three silently made their way.

Yan Xi grinned, put down his bowl, picked up incense, and kowtowed once to the memorial tablet: “Uncle Wen, Happy New Year, eat less meat in heaven, and watch your cholesterol. Also, while you’re at it, please bless your nephew with prosperity, beautiful women all around, spare ribs falling from the sky, and especially may all my wishes come true.”

Two people had black lines on their faces, one turned green.

On the twenty-ninth day of the lunar year, just as the Wen family elders and one surnamed Yan outsider finished hot pot, snow began falling outside. It started as light snow, then became goose feathers, floating down all afternoon before stopping.

Da Yi, with his childish nature, knocked on the Wen family’s door as soon as the snow stopped, dragging everyone out for a snowball fight.

Yan Xi said: “I’m an elegant person, I don’t usually do such childish things—”

Before he could finish, A Heng had already packed a snowball tight and thrown it, hitting Yan Xi squarely on the head.

Da Yi, Si Wan, and Si Er laughed loudly: “Oh, the elegant person.”

Yan Xi patted the snow off his head, baring his teeth, glaring: “What’s so funny.” He turned around, hadn’t even managed a smile, hadn’t called out “daughter,” when A Heng threw another snowball with all her might.

She stood in the vast white snow, some distance away, her expression unclear.

Yan Xi cursed, thinking what did I do to you, you haven’t given me a smile in over ten days since coming back, and now you’re giving me grief everywhere. I care for you so deeply, and this is how you repay me?

Holding back his anger, he waved his hand to leave, when A Heng threw another snowball at the back of his head.

Yan Xi completely lost it, packed a small snowball, and threw it at A Heng.

Da Yi hadn’t noticed the cat-and-mouse game between the two, stupidly smiling “I want to play too,” joining the battle with packed snow, two snowballs for two people, one each, no more no less.

Later he realized something was wrong – he was basically on a one-way street, all give and no take. The two weren’t paying any attention to him, passionately communicating with snowballs, back and forth intensely, their speed and destructive power almost matching atomic bombs.

Damn, too passionate, too licentious, can’t take it anymore!

Da Yi covered his eyes, and turned to Si Wan and Si Er saying: “Look at these two, their eyes locked, it’s electric!”

Si Wan sighed: “Yes, they’re about to fight.”

Si Er pulled Da Yi: “Alright, alright, let’s go back first, watching these two idiots is giving me indigestion.”

Meanwhile, Yan Xi was jumping up and down dodging snowballs, getting hot, his face red as peach blossoms, and sweat on his forehead. He packed a big solid snowball, grinning wickedly as he ran forward and threw it at A Heng.

A Heng was hit on the nose, crouched down covering her nose, and didn’t get up for a long time.

Yan Xi laughed heartily, patted the snow off himself, walked closer, half-squatted, hands on his knees, snow sprinkled in his hair, saying: “Serves you right, that’s what you get for being naughty.”

He reached out a hand to help her up, but A Heng, quick as lightning, pulled his arm, making Yan Xi lose his balance and fall face-first into the snow.

Yan Xi was furious, pulled his head out of the snow, and lay on his side with his head on the snow: “What did I do to offend you anyway? Even a death sentence needs a reason, right?”

A Heng was brief and concise, lightly coughing: “Three hundred thousand.”

Yan Xi instantly shrank: “Ah, three hundred thousand, three hundred thousand… objectively speaking, for me, it’s not an unacceptable number; then subjectively, I don’t have six hundred thousand or eight hundred thousand, so it’s three hundred thousand…”

A Heng smiled faintly: “Objectively speaking, you’re not speaking Earth language; subjectively speaking, you’re not speaking any language humans like me can understand.”

Yan Xi broke into a cold sweat, stammered, and after a long while finally spoke: “He… you… you all…”

A Heng smiled slightly, lay back beside him, head pillowed on her arms looking at the sky, saying: “We’re doing very well, thanks to Young Master Yan’s three hundred thousand worth of concern.”

Yan Xi didn’t speak, his nostrils filled with the gentle pine fragrance from her body. After a very long time, he laughed softly: “Did I mess things up again?”

A Heng smiled, her tone light as if joking, but her hand was clutching the snow beside her: “Alright, Yan Xi, I’m serious, if you dare to kiss me… mm, on the lips, I’ll forgive you and your three hundred thousand, how about that?”

She was gambling, even challenging, which had nothing to do with her usual gentleness, but calmly tore open the desire and even insecurity in her heart.

Yan Xi was stunned, silent for a long time, before finally staring at the person beside him and that person’s… lips, with a complex expression.

He knew there was a saying: thin lips mean a fickle heart.

A Heng’s lips were indeed thin, and often dry in winter. But she could be nominated for the Twenty-four Filial Exemplars Youth Model, clearly having nothing to do with being fickle.

When she said those words, she smiled with slightly upturned lips.

She wanted him to kiss her.

Yan Xi slowly reached out his hand, somewhat hesitant, paused for several moments, gently stroking her eyebrows, eyes, and nose, caressing and lingering on her cheek with infinite tenderness, but… refused to touch her lips.

His silly girl was shameless.

Her bright eyes quietly and unflinchingly looked at him, yet disappointment flickered past, she said: “Yan Xi I knew you wouldn’t dare to kiss me, I knew—”

He thought, what do you know, and how much… do you know?

In an instant, like a sudden storm, he fiercely kissed her lips, frantically exploring inside, his tongue tightly entwined with hers.

In his daze, he heard her heartbeat, tender and passionate almost to the point of drowning.