When everything begins, our future selves will call it the past.

She said, my past is the same as yours. From one person, returning to the destiny of being one person again.

Only, it left an indelible bite mark at the throat, one inch deeper would have been fatal.

When Si Wan said “Lu Liu wants to have a meal with you,” Ah Heng was drinking the cappuccino Si Er had spent the whole afternoon making, and nearly snorted the foam out through her nose.

Si Er looked disgusted: “Such poor composure, how nauseating.” She threw a handkerchief at her face.

Ah Heng stared at Si Wan: “I’m not having a meal with him. What meal? A meal… what an unscrupulous, scheming person. What if I go and he sells me off?”

Si Wan: “Brother’s just passing on the message, go if you want.”

Si Er slapped the table: “Why not eat when there’s free food? Lu Liu usually goes to five-star restaurants. Whatever he says, don’t worry, just plug your ears and eat. Besides, what could you two possibly have to talk about?”

Si Wan: “Actually, they do have something in common…”

Ahem, a man they both once shared.

The difference is, that Lu Liu had the relationship without the title, and Ah Heng had the title without the relationship.

Then, to make another fundamental distinction, this man’s first seven years and perhaps infinite future belonged to one man, while the middle five years and one hundred eighty-three days belonged to a woman.

Ah Heng held the white porcelain cup of cappuccino, gazing infinitely into the distance, utterly melancholic.

Si Er pinched her cheek with a threat: “Drink up quickly, don’t think I don’t know what you’re pondering. I spent all afternoon brewing this.”

Ah Heng wanted to cry, thinking, you spent all afternoon making just this thing, what I casually brew tastes better than what you make.

In the end, Ah Heng still went to meet Lu Liu for the meal.

Ah Heng remembered clearly, that day, Lu Liu wore a dark green T-shirt and slightly faded blue jeans, his hair unstyled, and soft, and he would smile, his smile reminiscent of a Bodhisattva with a red dot between the brows.

Si Er had guessed wrong. The place he took her wasn’t five-star or N(N>5)-star, just an ordinary restaurant, a private kitchen that only served ten tables a day, with complimentary tea.

The taste… the taste was somewhat familiar.

Lu Liu served her food, saying: “Chen Wan, the model under Lu Corporation, learned culinary skills here.”

Ah Heng picked up some shredded meat: “Oh, it’s Suzhou cuisine, from our region.” She tried something else, smiled, “Similar to how I cook, home-style flavor.”

But in her heart, she cursed herself, still able to smile, what a child.

She put down her chopsticks, sat up straight, very sincerely: “Young Master Lu, please say what you need to say, I’m not used to such kindness.”

Lu Liu smiled gently: “Nothing much, I said I would treat you to a meal. I usually keep my word.”

Ah Heng said “Oh,” and then silently began eating, going clockwise from the Sweet and Sour Mandarin Fish to the ribs, taking two bites; counterclockwise from the Chicken Wing in Gravy to the ribs, taking another two bites.

Lu Liu was attentive, turning the ribs toward her, saying: “The ribs here are their specialty.”

Ah Heng couldn’t smile, said: “I can taste that, really delicious.”

Thinking about what she used to cook, what was that anyway, always braising, steaming, boiling, even changing dishes daily, in five years each dish must have been eaten about three hundred times. Moreover, when unhappy, adding chili and Sichuan pepper, drowning things in vinegar, throwing tantrums recklessly – no wonder he left.

Lu Liu watched her, smiled gracefully, and said: “If it’s good, eat more.” He served food and poured drinks, attentive in every way, truly like a gentle big brother.

Ah Heng put down her chopsticks and stopped eating, somewhat helplessly, laughing dryly: “Young Master Lu, I admit I’m a failure, before you. If that’s what you wanted to confirm, I admit it.”

Lu Liu’s gaze was profound, but he smiled faintly: “If I were you, I would spend another five years trying to win him back.”

Ah Heng felt depressed: “But I’m not you. So, the person is gone, and home… is gone too.”

She stuck to her principles, remembering someone had said 09-68 was her home.

Lu Liu chuckled: “In that case, it seems heaven has been quite unfair to you.”

Ah Heng lowered her eyelashes, completely hiding the gentleness in her eyes, she said: “You can’t deny, sometimes, it is just this unfair.”

Lu Liu said: “Do you hate me, or Yan Xi?”

Ah Heng smiled: “When I think of you, I can’t sleep all night; when I think of Yan… Yan Xi, that’s when I sleep the most soundly. Because only in dreams can I see him.”

Lu Liu’s lips carried a hint of a smile: “What is he like in your dreams?”

Ah Heng sniffled: “I dreamed of him as a child, with small braids, wearing girls’ clothes, eyes taking up half his face, snatching white sugar cake from my hands.”

Lu Liu laughed heartily: “Yes, he was always a glutton as a child. In elementary school, he did play a little girl extra in a drama. But he didn’t snatch the white sugar cake, he snatched the candy pile from Si Wan who was playing the princess, which made Si Wan cry.”

Ah Heng also laughed: “What about you, where were you then?”

Lu Liu said: “I was playing the prince, helping the extra snatch the princess’s candy pile.”

Ah Heng laughed herself to tears, she said: “When I was in elementary school, I was coveting the braised pork belly in my brother’s bowl, but no one helped me snatch it.”

He smiled: “Yes, yes, back then we weren’t by your side, and you weren’t by his.”

Ah Heng said: “You know, I’m a Yan Xi fan, I registered ten accounts in his club when one got banned for lurking I’d switch to another. But like other fans, my love for him only grows, never lessens.”

Lu Liu smiled tactfully, though inwardly finding it inconceivable.

Ah Heng said: “I’ve never encountered such a setback, not one that crushes you instantly, but one where you discover many days and years later that such a wound keeps growing inch by inch. Just when I mistakenly think it’s healed, it strikes me hard again. I’ve always called this wound ‘Yan Xi Syndrome.'”

She gathered her courage, smiled at this person, saying loudly: “But, I love this man, even if you’re Lu Liu or Zhang Liu or Sun Liu or Qian Liu or Li Liu, it’s all the same, I dare say I love him to your face. Whether he has me by his side or not, whether I have him by my side or not, it’s all the same. I’ll marry who I marry and he’ll live his life, but who can stop another’s love?”

She said: “I love him. Whether you understand or not. In my heart, there’s always been a Bronze Sparrow Tower, inside are beautiful fragrant grass and scattered flowers, and inside is locked my little Yan Qiao. Even if I’m out of the game, even if I’m no longer here or there, forgetting the air Yan Xi once breathed, the land he once saw, the one in the Bronze Sparrow Tower is still my beauty, my surviving lover, and doesn’t belong to you.”

Although, when the sun rises and the dream scatters, I gradually forget him.

When she got home, Ah Heng hugged Mother Wen from behind, saying: “I want to go abroad.”

Mother Wen was worrying about whether to fry, deep-fry, or serve cold the dried bamboo shoots sent by the Yun family, patting her daughter’s head from behind, saying: “Good girl, go away, Mom’s busy, go wherever you want, ah.”

Ah Heng’s face fell, oh.

Then Mother Wen continued thinking about whether to fry, deep-fry, or serve cold, after a while, she reacted, turning around: “Wen Heng, where did you say you want to go?”

Ah Heng lowered her head smiling, and rubbed her nose: “Nothing much, I just said I want to go abroad for a while, come back, find a job in B City hospital, then get married.”

Mother Wen paused: “Child, why suddenly want to go abroad? You’ve barely spent any time with your mother… going abroad is hard, who will take care of your food, clothing, shelter, transport… how can I not worry?”

She went over and gently hugged her mother, smiling: “Mom, can I understand this as you loving Ah Heng more and more?”

Mother Wen glared at her: “Talking nonsense, you’re my child, if I don’t love you who would I love?”

Ah Heng pouted: “You love many people, like Si Wan’s girlfriend, Sun Peng, Da Yi, and Yan Xi, you treat them better than me.”

Mother Wen laughed heartily: “Daughter, do you know there’s a thing in this world called ‘social grace’? They’re different from you.”

Thinking of Yan Xi, she paused: “Besides, some people, you don’t get the chance to care for them even if you want to.”

Ah Heng said: “Then why couldn’t you love me like this before?”

She asked half-jokingly, but her palms were slightly warm.

Mother Wen didn’t speak, she was thinking about how to organize her words.

After a long time, she slowly began: “Ah Heng, when you were in my womb, the Wen family was in crisis. At that time, Lu Liu’s grandfather and your grandfather had long-standing political differences, he held some fatal evidence against your grandfather, if he exposed these things, the entire Wen family, young and old, probably couldn’t be saved.

“Your grandfather, to preserve some bloodline for the Wen family, thought of the child in my belly, I was kept in the dark all along.

“At that time, from your disappearance in the nursery to Si Er being brought back was just one night, your father said to save your life, told me not to make a fuss. Then after some days, we heard Yan Marshal had strongly recommended your grandfather, suppressing the matter.

“Although the Lu family had suspicions, basically everyone believed you had died young. But your grandfather was always uneasy, feeling the evidence was in Old Master Lu’s hands, and never dared to bring you back, while Si Er was the main motivation for Yan Marshal to save our family.

“Si Er… is Yan Xi’s father’s illegitimate daughter, her birth mother died, at the time your Aunt Yan and Uncle Yan were discussing divorce, if this child was brought back then… Yan Marshal and your grandfather discussed this matter, he might have been trying to compensate you then, even personally went to the Yun family, promising your marriage to Yan Xi.

“Later, your grandmother always missed you, during those years when her health was poor, she often wore reading glasses to look at your photos sent by your foster mother. On her deathbed, she called your grandfather over and said you had suffered too much, crying and begging him to bring her little granddaughter home.

“After your grandmother passed away, to bring you back, your grandfather gritted his teeth and handed over the family’s assets to Old Master Lu, outwardly it was called Wen family shares, but it was given away. For example, two years ago, when Si Wan worked at Lu Corporation he often faced discrimination, and had trouble with business meetings and clients, if it wasn’t for…”

Mother Wen couldn’t continue.

Ah Heng sat pale-faced on the kitchen floor against the wall, saying tearfully: “Why didn’t I know anything? Why… didn’t I know… anything…”

Mother Wen hugged Ah Heng, saying: “I never dared to let myself love you, perhaps one day, to preserve a thread of the Wen family bloodline, they would send you to some corner where I couldn’t see or touch.”

She said crying: “How could mother live, how could mother live then? Your grandfather said to send you to the Yun family, but I couldn’t object; your father said to send you to the Gu family in Jiangnan, and I still couldn’t object. In my life I only gave birth to you and your brother, they never knew how difficult it was for me. But, mother hurts, what should a mother do?”

Ah Heng held her head in her hands, taking a long time to catch her breath. After a long while, she pushed away Mother Wen, speaking softly: “Mom, let me be quiet, my mind is chaos.”

Ah Heng lay on the bed, eyes open staring at the ceiling, not speaking, not turning on the lights.

All around was quiet.

Si Er came in and sat on the bed edge, smiling lightly: “See, in the end, this young lady turns out to be the most pitiful one. From now on, I tell you, Wen Heng, if you feel wronged again, I might as well not live.”

Ah Heng moved closer to the wall corner: “Come here.”

Si Er lay beside her laughing softly, eyes charming, glinting in the darkness. She said: “I was defeated by time, I can’t hate you.”

Ah Heng smiled, eyes closed: “Hate me, even I want to hate myself, amazing, actually being the Wen family’s last straw.”

Si Er said: “You’re not a straw, you’re a femme fatale. You ruined my brother, you ruined the only person in this world who treated me sincerely without purpose.”

Ah Heng’s eyelids twitched: “Who are you talking about?”

Si Er had tears in her eyes, glaring at her, gritting teeth: “I’m talking about my brother, I’m talking about the one everyone calls Yan Long Zi, I’m talking about the stupidest person in the world!

“But, this was his own choice, I don’t even have the right to interfere.

“We, I, including all the Wen family members old and young who received Yan Xi’s kindness, can only learn to love you and cherish you as he taught. Patiently see your goodness when others don’t know it, encourage you, give you family love, and give you the things this world could offer but you couldn’t have!

“Whatever you wanted, he gave you, what you didn’t dare want, he thought through for you. Have you ever seen such a fool, Wen Heng?”

Ah Heng said: “Don’t call Yan Xi ‘Yan Long Zi’, don’t insult him with words others used.”

But Si Er sneered, looking at the ceiling, tears falling onto the pillow.

“Yan Long Zi, Yan Long Zi, completely deaf in the left ear, only less than twenty percent hearing in the right ear, what, don’t you think it fits?”

—What is something you want to do with me?

—Silly, still like Yan Xi so much? Like two years ago.

—Hey, Wen Heng, let’s have a romance.

—You must live well, be more of the real Ah Heng in front of them, this Ah Heng in front of Yan Xi, the rest, I will try too, okay?

—I don’t care about anything, as long as you don’t collapse, and can still stand in this world, I don’t care about anything.

—I promise you, Yun Zai will never leave you again in this life, so, baby, always remember your happiness at this moment, it is the beginning, and also forever.

I like you.

—What did you say? I didn’t hear clearly.

—Two tigers, two tigers, one has no ears, one has no ears, how strange, how strange.

Are you a repeating machine?

Yan Long Zi, for this person, the name truly fits.

Yan Long Zi (Yan the Deaf One).