“Next time, if you dare to get sick again, get as far away as possible, don’t let me find you.”

“…Alright.”

Ah Heng said: “They were all his choices, drinking with businessmen for Wen Si Wan, getting money back for the Wen family, finding Yun Zai for Wen Heng – these were all his choices, weren’t they?”

So he drank until he vomited every day; so Wen Si Wan had money to open her company, and Mother Wen lived peacefully; so Yun Zai appeared from heaven like a divine gift.

Si Er: “Yes… hey… Wen Heng, what’s with your attitude? How come I can’t sense any sadness from you?”

But Ah Heng sat straight up from the bed, got out her suitcase, and started folding clothes, saying: “What’s there to be sad about? It was his choice.”

She packed away all the clothes she’d brought back and locked the combination lock: “Si Er, you’ve had my French movie ‘The Butterfly’ for half a month now, when are you planning to return it?”

Si Er was stunned: “Wen Heng, what are you doing? I don’t understand.”

Ah Heng smiled: “Return my movie, then you all can continue acting. I’m leaving.”

Si Er: “Ah, where are you going in the middle of the night?”

Ah Heng stood her suitcase up, holding it: “Anywhere, as long as I don’t have to see you… people again.”

Her eyes were cold, looking at Si Er as if at something unclean, the usual gentle landscape in her eyes now sharp as an executioner’s alcohol-misted blade before execution.

Cold, thin.

Si Er had never seen Ah Heng like this. She panicked, saying: “We didn’t mean to hide this from you. Yan Xi’s ears became deaf, he said he couldn’t burden you, you deserved better.”

Ah Heng smiled faintly: “So, he sold himself to a man, acted out a tragedy, to let his ex-girlfriend rest easy? Si Er, tell me, how could he be so cheap, and how… am I even cheaper?”

Si Er became angry: “If it wasn’t to keep you from being burdened for life, what right do you have to talk about him like that?”

Ah Heng turned with her suitcase, showing Si Er her back, cold as moonlight.

Her voice was emotionless: “Because Wen Heng was sick, cherishing him in her palm afraid he’d melt away, yet he turned around without hesitation and ruined himself!”

She said: “Wen Si Er, you’re right, don’t dream about anything in this compound. What sins did I commit in my past life, no, how many lifetimes of blessings did I accumulate, for you all to put so much effort into me!”

She thumped down the stairs, but Si Er suddenly knocked on the door opposite: “Si Wan, quick, stop Ah Heng, she’s running away from home.”

Si Wan was startled, opened the door in his pajamas, understood the situation, and also became anxious: “Wen Si Er, knew your big mouth couldn’t keep secrets, shouldn’t have let you get involved in the first place.”

But Si Er pounded on Si Wan: “Quickly pull Ah Heng back, it’s the middle of the night if something happens to her…”

Si Wan, bruised by her pounding, also thumped down the stairs, grabbed Ah Heng from behind, saying coldly: “Stop making trouble, go back to your room, you’ll wake Grandfather and Mom soon.”

But Ah Heng grabbed Si Wan’s arm and bit down hard.

Si Wan let go in pain. Ah Heng hugged her suitcase and opened the door, but Si Wan became angry, knocked the suitcase from her hands, shouting: “Wen Heng, what the fuck are you doing?!” He grabbed Ah Heng to drag her back.

Ah Heng pounded Si Wan’s arms hard, her shoes desperately bracing against the floor, almost twisting.

But Si Wan dragged her regardless, heading toward the living room.

Her long hair scattered across her face, like a mad child, she forcefully pried at Si Wan’s hands, her lips bleeding from biting.

Si Wan was furious inside, increasing his grip on her shoulders, not looking at her, striding forward.

At the stairs, Ah Heng, who had been struggling all along, suddenly became quiet, hanging her head, releasing the tension in her limbs.

Si Wan hadn’t noticed at first but suddenly felt something scalding hot slide across his hand.

He froze, stopped walking, looked down, and saw large drops falling onto his hand.

She spoke softly: “Let me go, Wen Si Wan, please. You all have no shame, but I still do.”

How splendid the Wen family, how noble the Wen family, gnawing at my backbone until I can never stand again.

Her face was crumpled, suppressing sobs, her voice so hoarse it could barely emerge.

Si Wan was stunned and loosened his grip. He turned to look at Si Er standing on the stairs, saying: “Call Yan Xi, tell him to come.”

Si Er had been standing there dumbly, not reacting: “Ah?”

Si Wan roared: “I said fucking call Yan Xi, tell him to come to the Wen house!”

Si Er was frightened and ran thumping to her room. But Ah Heng picked up her suitcase from the ground, head down saying: “Just take good care of Mom and Grandfather, do whatever you want with yourselves.”

Si Wan’s eyes filled with tears, and he pleaded softly: “Ah Heng, brother begs you, listen, just one last time, one final time. Our family has endured so many years, if you leave it will fall apart. Mom is so happy having you by her side…”

But Ah Heng wiped tears with her hand back, saying: “I’m begging you too, stop putting these grand titles on me, okay? For you all, with money and power, the Wen family won’t fall apart.”

She opened the door and closed it without looking back.

Si Wan stood in the living room, pulling his hair, and crying.

Ah Heng walked through the compound, deep night, cold and empty. Not far away, there was a bright light, piercing in the darkness.

She stood under a tree, squinting at that wine-red Ferrari speeding past.

He sat inside, as handsome as in her memory. But now, she felt even seeing him was shameful and humiliating.

Dragging her luggage, turning around to find that going in the opposite direction wasn’t as difficult as imagined.

When she returned to school, life became regular again.

She arranged with Professor Li to study French two afternoons a week, Thursday and Saturday. In the fifth year, courses focused on practical work. Except for some students staying in the school lab, most medical students had arranged hospital internships.

The French research institute’s exam was set for November, broadly covering three areas: French basics, medical principles, and a paper on 2003 SARS virus transmission research.

The last question was set by Professor Li. Students who had backed out at the time were red-faced, those who hadn’t gone felt bitter loss, secretly cursing Professor Li for favoritism, saying even if he wanted to promote his favorite student, he shouldn’t be so unfair.

This question wasn’t worth two or three points, but a full thirty points. So the number of people going to the library to research and write papers multiplied, and their looks toward Ah Heng and the other students who had stayed weren’t friendly anymore, gathering in groups to gossip behind their backs.

Finally, the class monitor Xiao Pang got annoyed, saying: “Did anyone stop you all back then? Those who didn’t go, those who played nice, now you’re all jumping up, is it Ghost Festival?”

Everyone felt awkward, embarrassed, and scattered like birds and beasts.

Ah Heng didn’t mind, focusing on studying French and pharmacology.

No one else in her dorm was interested in going abroad. The counselor helped arrange internships at Z University Hospital, working day and night shifts, basically never seeing anyone.

After two months, everyone had lost weight. Ah Heng felt sorry for them, bought a pot, made soup in the dorm, shamelessly borrowing angelica, codonopsis, and red dates from the pharmaceutical lab.

The group of sophomore kids in the lab would smile when they saw her: “Oh, senior, here to steal our lab materials again?”

Ah Heng: “Ahem, borrow, I’m just borrowing.”

Professor Zhu from the pharmacy department, who had taught Ah Heng before, smiled, pulling a kid’s ear: “Coming to mooch from my place, a girl in her twenties, still so thick-skinned!”

Ah Heng stuffed some angelica and codonopsis into her white coat, pouting: “Professor Zhu, it hurts, really hurts.”

Professor Zhu laughed and scolded: “Get out, get out, little girl, don’t forget to treat your Professor Zhu to something good before going abroad.”

Ah Heng smiled cheerfully, rubbing her ear, saying: “Okay.”

She hadn’t seen Yun Zai for a long time. Although she used studying as an excuse for not having time, ever since Ah Heng saw his calligraphy practice of half a year, her heart had been clouded.

A stack of rice paper, handwriting identical to hers, even the failing strokes when finishing were the same.

Asked to write again, he filled the paper with “Ah Heng.”

She didn’t want her parents to be pointed at and cursed for raising an ungrateful daughter who would even seduce her brother into incest, so she said: “I’m too busy to cook for you now, Zai Zai, sorry.”

That youth left her with a clean back view, cloud-like eyes still smiling, but expressionless.

At the end of October, Xin Da Yi drove to Z University.

Da Yi said: “Ah Heng, let’s talk.”

Ah Heng smiled: “You rarely come, what do you want to eat? West Lake Vinegar Fish? I can take you to eat by West Lake, okay?”

He smiled bitterly: “Ah Heng, I didn’t come to eat…”

“Or do you want to go boating, drink tea, buy souvenirs?”

“Ah Heng…”

“Could it be you came to H City to buy a house? H City house prices are trending up, buying now would be quite worth it.”

Da Yi said with a bitter face: “Young miss I was wrong, I shouldn’t have hidden it from you, I confess, I was wrong Ah Heng, I’ve never been right.”

Ah Heng raised her eyes, but smiled: “Tu es bête.”

Da Yi was confused: “What, what thing?”

Ah Heng said: “I’m praising you, praising you in French.”

Idiot.

But Da Yi wiped tears saying: “Stop praising me, just give me a chance, let me explain properly.”

But Ah Heng walked to the side, bought him a can of hot coffee from the school store, and handed it over: “Try it, everyone at our school loves drinking this.”

“Oh, hey, this is good, much better than what Wen Si Er makes. Pah, that’s not the point, don’t change the subject young miss, can you let me speak?”

Da Yi’s eyebrows were almost wrinkled into caterpillars, his face red from holding back.

Ah Heng smiled, sat on the playground’s horizontal bar, and kindly pulled Da Yi up too, saying: “Okay, speak.”

Da Yi said: “This goes back to two years ago. I had just started my construction company when, asked Yan Xi to do publicity. You know, that time Yan Xi wasn’t answering your calls, I told you he had a fever, actually then, he had just left the hospital. Because before that, on our company’s first day of work, we had just taken a few background photos of him at the construction site when he suddenly clutched his ears… and fainted.”

Ah Heng gulped coffee, the red can steaming, she lowered her brows playing with the pull tab, left right, right left, her expression unreadable.

Da Yi glanced at Ah Heng, and forced himself to continue: “We carried him to the hospital, doctors said Yan Xi’s left ear was completely deaf, right ear’s hearing was gradually fading too, and said, eventually, he would be completely deaf.”

She turned the can around and finally broke off the pull tab, her fingers somewhat red from the pressure.

He said: “I kept thinking if it was because the construction team’s noise was too loud, but the doctor told me it was latent, the construction noise was just a trigger. Checking Yan Xi’s previous medical records, that year Yan Xi was too close to the explosion source, his ears already had hidden damage, and he would often have sudden tinnitus. Just that he never said, we… none of us knew, resulting in…

“Resulting in Yan Xi waking up, locking himself at home for several days, smashing everything that could be smashed. When he finally came out, he said to help him with something.

“I hated myself then for harming Yan Xi and kept slapping my face. But Yan Xi kept telling me, Da Yi, I’ll remember your kindness for life, please help me. Then… then, he asked me to hide it from you, said he’d disappear after fulfilling your wish.

“He kept telling me: ‘If Ah Heng knows I’m sick again, she’ll start worrying again, really, I’m afraid she’ll fight with the whole world.’ He said: ‘I promised Ah Heng if I dare get sick again, to get as far away as possible.’

“He smiled, said: ‘One episode of hysteria was enough.’

“He told me: ‘I keep dreaming, having a deaf child with Ah Heng, Da Yi, I keep dreaming it.'”

Da Yi started crying as he spoke: “Ah Heng, hit me, it’s my fault Yan Xi became like this, beat me to death.” He grabbed Ah Heng’s hand to slap his face.

The coffee can in Ah Heng’s hand shook, and brown liquid splashed onto her pants, soaking into the fiber, and scalding her.

But strangely, it didn’t hurt at all.

She said: “Xin Da Yi are you still a man? Crying since seventeen or eighteen, still haven’t changed.” Helplessly, she wiped that person’s eyes with her sleeve.

Da Yi said: “Fuck, I don’t want to cry either, I ruined your relationship, next life I’ll probably be reborn as a pig or dog for you two to stew.”

Ah Heng burst out laughing: “I’ll remember what you look like, next life I’ll take care of you in your old age, guarantee not to stew you, okay?”

Da Yi felt awkward: “Why do I feel like I’m the concerned party, while you seem like an outsider?”

Ah Heng said: “Let me tell you a story. Once, there was a person, they were born, then died, buried in a small box.”

Da Yi’s face fell: “What’s the point?”

Ah Heng smiled: “One person, the point is, one person.”

Da Yi was bewildered: “So?”

Ah Heng said: “So everyone ends up with one box each in the end. I’d fight the world, just for him. If I had a genetically defective deaf child with him, squeezing into one box would be justified. But what am I, Da Yi, what do you say I am?”

What am I?

Hugging my box, lived, died, buried.