When Yan Xi woke up, A-Heng was already gone.

Opening the curtains, he saw her standing in the snow below, tearing pieces of bread to feed sparrows that couldn’t find food.

He touched his ears – the earbuds, she had put them back on for him.

He went to take a shower, and when he came out, hot milk and toast were ready on the table.

It had been a long time since he’d eaten breakfast, a long time since he’d distinguished between day and night. Usually, Lu Liu would come back and pull him up before a day could begin, everything hazy and confused.

He no longer adapted to sunlight, adapted to darkness, he just tried his best to adapt to Lu Liu.

Not knowing if he was dead or alive, though no one bound his hands and feet.

A familiar footstep sound arose, gentle and orderly, like solving a mathematical equation, step by step.

Whether happy or sad, it had never changed.

He looked up as A-Heng approached, holding two boiled eggs.

She handed them to him, saying: “Eat.” Her expression was bland, emotionless, without any of last night’s hysteria, as if all emotion had been emptied.

She turned around, crouching by the heater to warm towels.

Yan Xi didn’t speak, just kept his head down while eating, his hair almost dipping into the milk.

They each did their things, emotions disconnected, casual.

Yan Xi finished his last sip of milk, and A-Heng stood up, rubbing her hands, saying: “When are you leaving?”

Yan Xi had milk around his mouth, wiped it with his hand, and spoke softly: “I have… three days.”

He said: “I have three days to be with you.”

A-Heng froze, asking: “Is it three days this time, or only three days in a lifetime?”

Yan Xi was very quiet, and after a long while finally spoke: “I don’t know. When you get married, I’ll come, when you have children, I’ll also come… to see you.”

A-Heng said: “When I get married, I won’t send you an invitation, just having the furniture delivered is enough; when I have children they won’t be surnamed Wen or Yan, what would they have to do with you or me?”

She said: “Why don’t you wait until I’m dead to come visit?”

Someone knocked loudly on the door, A-Heng went to open it, it was Tom, Jenny, and Fabio.

Tom still had that shy look, smiling as he said: “Winnie, we signed up for a tour group, three days… uh, you have a guest… That boy?”

Jenny saw Yan Xi and smiled: “Hey, boy, so you were looking for Winnie.”

Yan Xi nodded, and smiled slightly, not speaking.

Fabio shrugged: “Winnie, you… well, do you want to come together?”

A-Heng asked: “Where are you going?”

Fabio leaned against the wooden door smiling: “Just looking around, we’ve been here but never had a chance to explore.”

A-Heng turned, looking at Yan Xi.

Yan Xi nodded.

She said: “Alright, what do we need to bring?”

Jenny smiled exaggeratedly: “Girl, we just need you, we got food at Carrefour this morning.”

On the first day of the new year, there were surprisingly many people in the tour group.

There were about thirty seats, A-Heng and Yan Xi sat by the window in the third-to-last row, and Fabio and the others sat in the last row, a continuous four-seat section, laughing and chatting, listening to music, talking rapidly in English.

The elderly couples and young people in front, all with black eyes, looked curiously at those three with blue and green eyes.

Halfway through, everyone got sleepy, swaying back and forth in their seats, dozing off.

Yan Xi had been like a mute the whole way, only nodding or shaking his head, as if he’d rather people think he was mute than know he was deaf, covering and hiding, who knows what psychology that was.

He leaned against the window watching the scenery fly past, his mind gradually clearing.

Life had been nothing but Lu Liu for two years, in such a confused environment, finally, the blood held by hemostatic forceps began to flow freely.

A-Heng suddenly put her hands behind her back, leaned over, and kissed him.

She somewhat resented herself for never having kissed Yan Xi in late spring, in that warm and soft season.

But this person had never given her such a chance.

They were already together in summer, and it ended in that year’s winter.

And now, it was winter three years later.

Perhaps that’s exactly why Yan Xi never had such a deep chance to like her. He would rather pledge himself to someone else, in exchange for her illusory happiness, than let her touch him at every moment, gaining great happiness.

She trembled, her eyes gentle and clear, empty of everything, just holding his head, extending her tongue, kissing, prying open his teeth, tender and soft.

All around was quiet, only the sound of the car’s friction with the highway remained.

Bang bang, clang clang.

Yan Xi couldn’t breathe, his mouth filled with A-Heng’s scent.

His eyes were so wide, pupils focused almost to a single point – her eyes.

Suddenly, tears appeared in his eyes.

He thought, what have I lost? Yan Xi, what the fuck have you lost!

She chased his tongue, movements clumsy but gentle, like the first pine resin ignited in spring.

He grabbed her hand, wrapping it in his palm, and held her tongue, patiently guiding.

They forgot the time, treating the kiss as a major way to pass time, serious and focused.

He shed tears, she watched his tears, her gaze calm, just continuously taking the last bit of warmth from his mouth, as if this was a dying person, with only this left to prove he was still alive.

Warmth, temperature, intimacy, pain, struggle, quiet, melting.

Outside the window, the sun came out, droplets falling tap tap on the car window, streaks of what was once cold air turning to water.

They arrived at their destination.

When Tom woke up, he saw a beautiful scene.

In the sunlight, the two were sleeping deeply. She nestled in his arms, head against his chest, both hands around his waist, a dependent and peaceful posture, eyelashes gleaming with light.

Their lips were glistening, strikingly red.

He stared dumbfounded, saying: “Hey, Jenny, look, what brand of lip balm is Winnie using? It looks really good.”

Jenny patted his head, speaking sympathetically: “Tom, you know, Winnie is very conservative, probably can’t accept a foreign boyfriend. So, it’s not your fault.”

Tom shrugged, and smiled: “We’re all good friends.”

Fabio smirked: “You call this conservative? Without half an hour, you couldn’t get this kind of effect.”

Jenny muttered quietly: “What a pity, A-Heng’s boyfriend is mute, can’t speak.”

But afterward, the three foreign kids felt awkward.

Had they ever seen such strange lovers? They were so intimate on the bus behind everyone’s backs, but when climbing the mountain they walked separately, one at the front of the group, one at the back, like strangers.

The mountain was covered in snow, the path getting more slippery as they climbed. The guide used a megaphone to tell everyone to be careful, persistence is victory. There were natural hot springs at the peak, absolutely life-extending and beauty-enhancing, and everyone persevered.

Everyone was panting heavily, Tom asked the guide: “Is there a sushi restaurant by the hot springs? I want to eat sashimi.”

An old man sprayed Tom with saliva, speaking with a Tianjin accent: “What’re you doing, what’re you doing? Our China isn’t some devil’s nest, what sashimi are you looking for, aren’t you afraid of getting diarrhea? We only have big bowls of noodles and jellyfish skin here, take it or leave it!”

Tom sheepishly: “Winnie, what’s a devil’s nest?”

A-Heng twitched: “It’s a place with lots of bow-legged people and lots of cartoons, ah, yes, and the sashimi you want.”

Tom seemed half-understanding, nodding.

Reaching the peak’s hot springs, the temperature was probably over forty degrees, steam rising continuously, mist swirling.

Men and women bathed separately, divided by a bamboo door, when the wind blew, bamboo leaves fell straight into the pool.

A-Heng poked her head out, taking a long while to adjust to the temperature. Remembering childhood memories of floating, she ducked her head in, held her breath, and swam a few laps underwater.

The mountain was cold, and by evening, snowflakes were falling again.

A-Heng had just gone up to put on her yukata when she heard shouting from the men’s side: “Boy, what’s wrong, are you okay?”

“Your ears, there’s water in your ears, don’t cover them, let us look! Oh no, young man, this isn’t good, water got in!”

“Hey hey, don’t faint!”

“Hey, wake up, wake up!”

A-Heng dashed to the other side, and the old men and young guys started screaming, red-faced.

A-Heng couldn’t tell if she was blushing in the mist, lightly coughed: “I’m a doctor.”

Looking down at Yan Xi, the kid was like a roasted suckling pig, wrapped in a big towel, face bright red.

Turning, she asked Tom: “How long was he in there?”

Tom shrank into the pool, covering his important parts, saying: “He never came out, we only pulled him up when his leg cramped while swimming, he wouldn’t let us take out his earbuds when we tried, then he fainted.”

A-Heng’s face turned ashen, dragging Yan Xi out to perform CPR. Finally, he coughed up two mouthfuls of water, coughed for a while, and woke up.

He was dazed, letting A-Heng help him back to the room, his eyes fixed on her the whole time.

His gaze was clear and clean, without grit, but it pierced her eyes.

A-Heng said: “Yan Xi are you still a man? Even fainting from taking a bath.”

Yan Xi said: “I just had a dream, I dreamed I broke up with you, isn’t that funny, how could I possibly break up with you?”

A-Heng’s face turned green: “Yan Xi don’t act like you have amnesia right in front of me.” She gritted her teeth, “If you dare say the breakup was fake I’ll beat you to death!”

Yan Xi closed his eyes, and smiled: “Beat me to death then, I regret it.”

He said: “I’d rather the Wen family be ruined, rather protect just you alone, rather you only have me left, rather force you to be with a disabled person, than open my eyes and not see you anymore.”

He said: “I regret it.”

These words were so… righteous.

A-Heng’s face darkened: “Yan Xi are you related to Zhu Bajie? Two-timing, when there’s trouble it’s Young Master Lu, when there’s nothing it’s the Wen family girl.”

He scratched at the blanket: “I regret it.”

A-Heng said: “You fucking broke up with me, both my ears heard it.”

He crouched in the corner: “I regret it.”

A-Heng said: “I told you, if you dare say the breakup was fake, I’ll beat you to death.”

He scratched the wall: “I also said, beat me to death then, I regret it.”

A-Heng coldly laughed: “Yan Xi, don’t you see what state you’re in now, your ears are ruined, and who knows when you’ll have another episode of multiple personalities. Weren’t you unwilling to burden me? You’re not afraid, but I’m afraid my child will be deaf!”

Yan Xi was tearful, burying his head in the blanket: “I know, but, I… regret it. At worst, we won’t have children, okay?”

A-Heng’s face twisted: “What do you think? Don’t you love Lu Liu? These two years, everyone’s been telling me, Yan Xi loves Lu Liu, that’s right, Wen Heng you were just a stand-in!”

Yan Xi hugged the blanket, rolling back and forth, conflicted: “I had people spread that, I was afraid you’d forget me. But, I secretly watched Lu Mojun having tea with you, secretly watched Yun Zai shopping with you, I regret it!”

A-Heng’s forehead veins bulged: “Say that again?!”

Yan Xi held his head: “Beat me to death, I regret it!”

A-Heng sat angrily on the bamboo stool, not making a sound for a long time.

She picked up the Chinese chess set prepared on the bamboo table: “Yan Xi, aren’t you tired of living like this? Always black and white, making trouble where there is none, torturing yourself and others, always ready to act, aren’t you tired?”

She said: “Let’s do this, play a game of Chinese chess with me. If you win, I’ll allow you to regret it. If you lose, get out of my sight forever, how about that?”

Yan Xi took the red pieces, and moved first, advancing a pawn.

A-Heng had learned Chinese chess from her father since childhood, from consistently losing at first to winning at the end, for about ten years.

Seven years ago she had played a game with Old Yan under the banyan tree, forty moves, directly taking the opponent’s general, checkmate in one move.

She wouldn’t dare say anything else, but in Chinese chess, she had put in no small effort.

She moved calmly, advancing her general.

After another twenty moves, Yan Xi started sweating. Four-fifths of his pawns had been taken, both cannons were useless, all elephants gone, and the situation was dire.

His fingers were white as he gripped the chariot, nerves tense. Just as he retreated one step, A-Heng spoke softly, moving her piece, saying: “Take.”

Take.

Take.

Take.

In the end, only a lone general and a lone horse remained.

Half the kingdom, crumbling, with no more than two moves left.

A-Heng looked at Yan Xi, her gaze calm and gentle.

He didn’t speak, his throat was uncomfortable, gripping the chess piece, unable to move a step, looking at the board, strategic possibilities exhausted, and finally, reached a dead end.

Black hair soaked with sweat, he had lost his A-Heng.

Forever.

A-Heng looked at him once, but smiled, suddenly reaching out, the wide sleeve of her yukata sweeping across the chessboard, the battle of soldiers and weapons, all destroyed.

She said: “I forfeit.”

She said: “I allow you to regret it, just this once.

“There will never be a next time.”