Gu Tingye stared at the candle flame. “You have quite a low opinion of Shen, don’t you?”

Minglan rolled her eyes. “The National Uncle is not only a pillar of the state — he was born with extraordinarily good fortune to boot. To advance in rank, prosper, and have his first wife die — that’s the kind of luck most men could only dream of. How would I dare have a low opinion of him.”

Gu Tingye turned his head to look at her. Minglan, without looking up, pulled a short hairpin from her temples and began gently stirring the candle flame.

He said: “At this point in time, many of the troubles and complications that have arisen have come because Shen was weak and indecisive — your view is not without justification. But… you have never seen what Shen was like before.”

Minglan paused her hand for a moment, then set down the silver hairpin. “Before when?”

“Before he came to the capital and received his title.”

The flame on the small lamb-fat white candle gradually brightened. Gu Tingye’s gaze was heavy with the weight of old memory. “When I first arrived in Sichuan, the first person I came to know was Shen. At the time, he was the commander of the Prince’s bodyguard. He and Duan, Zhong, Geng, and Liu — the Five Tigers of the Sichuan Frontier, renowned throughout the southwest. Though he was the youngest of the five, he stood at their head.”

“Well — with the Princess’s own brother in the group, how could he not be at the head?” Minglan said, faintly acidic.

Gu Tingye paid no attention to her aside and continued: “If you had seen Shen as he was then, you would find it almost impossible to imagine how he came to be so irresolute and indecisive today. And the Zou family back then was not the same either — they did not behave as recklessly as they do now. That was because Madam Zou was still living.”

Minglan was quiet for some time. “…She must have been a truly remarkable woman.”

Gu Tingye nodded and went on: “Madam Zou was genuine and magnanimous — she had far more wisdom and discernment than most men. Not only did she manage all domestic affairs decisively, but even Princess — now the Empress — listened to her counsel. In those days, Shen was resolute and bold, direct and efficient. On the grand scale, he assisted the Prince in managing the frontier territories; on the small scale, he was warm and generous to his brothers. The Zou brothers, though they amounted to little, at least kept themselves in order — some studied, some took on minor posts, living quietly under the shelter of Shen’s household.”

“Well — with such a great lioness guarding the gate, of course no demons or ghosts would dare approach.” Even Minglan’s sarcasm had somewhat lost its edge.

Gu Tingye couldn’t help smiling.

He remembered the first two times he had seen her — she had been a young girl still wearing her hair in twin loops, and yet her words had not spared anyone, with not a trace of the quiet refinement one might expect. Sharp and cutting, most would have said — yet he had been very taken with her. No forced pretense of dignity or elegance, just that clear, direct brightness. Even when she stood with her hands at her waist, face stern, dressing someone down — he had found it endearing, like a plump white porcelain doll, clumsy and young.

Without noticing, his voice had grown gentler. “Shen and Madam Zou had been married for over ten years, and yet they still seemed like newlyweds, inseparable, as though each moment apart was too long. I once stayed at Shen’s house and witnessed it with my own eyes. One look from Shen, one shift of his expression — and Madam Zou, without even asking, already knew what her husband needed. Madam Zou could furrow her brow or turn her head — and Shen at once knew what was on his wife’s mind. When we talked idly together, the two of them would often speak the same words at the same moment, then look at each other and smile — an understanding that needed no words. Husband and wife, utterly in tune, every thought shared… I had never known before that a couple in love could be like that.”

Minglan heard something different in his voice and looked up at him briefly. She understood — he was thinking of his late father and Da Qin Shi. Theirs had been a love that had hurt nearly everyone around them, an ill-fated bond. In contrast, the affection between Shen and his first wife had been wholesome, accumulated over time — a union that had been good for everyone around them.

“That year, the capital suddenly erupted into chaos. The Prince was given a forged decree ordering his death — but the treasonous king who had moved against him was himself defeated and killed…”

Minglan couldn’t help interjecting: “The Emperor’s fief was all the way out in Sichuan, separated from the capital by an immense distance. Yet your people received word so quickly — which makes it plain enough that the current Emperor had long since been preparing.”

Gu Tingye glanced at her. “The news was sent by me — by water, which is faster.”

Minglan had not expected that. “Oh,” she said.

“When the news arrived, several of the Prince’s advisors said — the Sixth Prince had been demoted and exiled, the Fifth Prince was tyrannical and had never been in the late Emperor’s favor, and all those ahead of them in succession had already died. The throne would likely fall to the Emperor as we know him. But Master Gongsun said that the situation was still unclear, and the late Emperor’s intentions were not yet known. And that a prince of a fiefdom, without an imperial summons, could not leave his territory — any movement could be seized upon by someone with ill intentions, and a good thing could be turned into a bad one. The rest of us brothers did not dare sit idle either — some stood guard, some organized the troops, everyone strung tight as a fully drawn bow, waiting only for news from the capital.”

Minglan asked: “And at that time — what was the Marquis doing?”

“I was watching in secret from just outside the capital. Before long, the late Emperor formally invested the Emperor’s birth mother as Empress — at that, I knew the great matter was decided. Given how much was at stake, I went south personally to carry the news. To take the fastest route, whatever treacherous rapids, steep slopes, and mountain paths there were — all of them had to be crossed. On one river crossing, several of the boatmen who traveled with me drowned. Dozens of fine horses were ridden to death. But I covered the entire distance in just over ten days.”

Minglan swallowed with difficulty. “Those men… were they the ones who had followed you before? From the transport guild?” No wonder the accounts in the ledger room had, over these past two years, been sending money to several households — all of it called for by Che Niang through her messengers.

Gu Tingye’s face showed grief. He nodded — those had been good brothers who had followed him for many years.

“When the imperial summons finally arrived at the Sichuan fief, ill-intentioned forces began stirring in all directions. Liu Zhengjie had captured and killed four or five groups of assassins in a single day. Duan’s brothers had been protecting the Princess and the young princes — half of the Prince’s residence ran red with blood. Yet by then, the Emperor had already set out. I and Shen split into two groups, one open and one hidden. Shen had served as head of the Prince’s bodyguard for over ten years — many people knew who he was, so he led the main escort with the soldiers and bodyguards out in the open. I and Old Geng protected the Emperor in secret, taking a different route and avoiding the main roads.”

He knitted his brow tightly, as though reliving that heart-stopping time. “On Shen’s route — I don’t know how many ambushes they ran into. Outwardly they looked like bandits, but in truth they were garrison troops that had joined the treasonous faction. Shen came within a hair of losing his life. Zhong lost his second younger brother and a nephew. By the time we were approaching the boundaries of Zhili, our group could no longer conceal ourselves either. Old Geng fought a desperate rearguard action — he nearly lost an arm and a leg, and two of his wife’s brothers gave their lives as well. I cut a path through the fighting with the Emperor, and it wasn’t until we saw the city gates — the Commander of the Nine Gates leading his troops out to receive us — that we could finally call ourselves safe.”

Minglan had gone pale listening, her palms slick with cold sweat.

She still remembered how, at that time, the whole capital had been waiting for the Crown Prince — and yet the Eighth Prince had not arrived for several months. She had even grumbled to herself about the backwardness of ancient transportation. She had had no idea of the dangers and complications that lay behind it all.

No wonder the Emperor placed such trust in these men. The kind of loyalty forged in blood and flesh — truly, no amount of crying or professing devotion from the wealthy established families of the capital could match it.

Those deep-rooted, flourishing noble houses were all murky to the core, with factions and forces tangled at every level — who could truly know what lay beneath their surface? But Gu Tingye and those brothers of his had genuinely staked their lives and everything they had on the Emperor. What was the meaning of being a trusted intimate? When Chu’s tyrant king Xiang Yu once swept all under heaven, the people he trusted most were still the brothers he had brought with him from the Jiangdong region. Li Zicheng — surrendering and rising again so many times — kept at his core the very men who had first risen up with him. As long as those old brothers stood, no matter how many times he failed, he could rise again from the east. (Most of those men were later undone at Yipianshi.)

No wonder — no matter what mistakes Old Geng made, no matter how many domestic disputes Gu Tingye was caught in, no matter how erratically Shen Congxing behaved — the Emperor still made use of these people. As long as they could handle affairs, fulfill their tasks, and maintain absolute loyalty — everything else was secondary.

“Such a throne of supreme rule — and who knows how many people’s blood it is dyed with!” Minglan said quietly.

Gu Tingye shook his head and sighed as well, then continued: “During the days when we were away, the Princess — now the Empress — and several of the young princes suddenly fell ill with an acute ailment…”

Minglan’s tone was skeptical: “Acute ailment?”

Gu Tingye said: “One can’t say whether it was a genuine illness or a poisoning. In any case, the Prince’s residence was thrown into panic. Duan and Liu, for all their ability to repel an enemy and seize assassins, were helpless when it came to the inner household. And so Madam Zou had no choice but to go personally to the Prince’s residence to tend to them. At that time — she was already in the late stages of pregnancy.”

“And afterward — the Princess and the young princes recovered, but Madam Zou…?” Minglan’s voice was trembling.

Gu Tingye’s face showed regret. “By the time Shen rushed back, he only managed to see her one last time.”

“…No wonder the Empress lavished such favor on Zou Yiniang.”

“Shen fell gravely ill afterward, and very nearly followed her.” Gu Tingye said quietly. “After Madam Zou’s passing, Shen’s conduct became more and more without discipline or direction.”

The two of them were silent for a long while. Then Minglan gave a small laugh. “The things of this world are just so strange. If the Princess had not recovered, then the very anxiety that now plagues the Zou family would instead have plagued the Shen family. This Madam Zou — she truly gave everything of herself for her husband’s household.”

Gu Tingye was quiet a moment, then said slowly: “Master Gongsun once told me that you are the clearest-eyed woman he has encountered in his life.” — Reality so often is exactly this ugly and helpless.

Minglan said with bitterness: “The clearer one sees some things, the more desolate the heart becomes.”

Gu Tingye looked at her for a while, then said: “Enough about other people. Now let us speak of our own affairs.”

Minglan forced herself to be calm. “Very well. I don’t know where the Marquis wishes to begin.”

“Let us begin with the birthday banquet at the Duke of Qi’s residence.”

Minglan pressed down the unease in her heart and simply listened as Gu Tingye continued: “After that day, I was often in a poor mood. You have been guessing all along that it was because of the names of those two children in the Qi household — is that right?”

Meeting the man’s dark, deep gaze, Minglan felt she had no ground to deny it and nodded.

“You are usually quick-witted and unruffled. Why were you so unlike yourself in this matter?” Gu Tingye said quietly. “Nothing but a guilty conscience.”

Minglan had no argument to make. She sat with her head down.

Gu Tingye said: “You didn’t even ask Xiao Lu more than a few questions about it. And do you know what happened later? That day, while I was waiting in the gatehouse and growing impatient, I walked further inside — and I heard what you and Qi Heng said to each other.”

Minglan’s heart gave a sudden leap, and she opened her mouth as though to explain — but no words came.

Gu Tingye studied her expression carefully, and said evenly: “There — you see. A guilty conscience again. Friends from childhood — what does it matter if you exchange a few words? Besides…” He gave a faint smile. “It wasn’t exactly kind words that were spoken.”

“Then what exactly are you angry at me for?”

This had puzzled Minglan for a long time. If it wasn’t the names, and it wasn’t because she had spoken with Qi Heng — then what on earth was this man’s temper about?

“You have never spoken to me in that tone.” Gu Tingye said calmly. “You are proper and correct in your conduct, and have never once lost even half a measure of decorum, even toward his Madam. Except with Qi Heng — you have never used that manner of speaking with anyone else.”

Minglan could still clearly recall having said some rather unflattering things to Qi Heng. Could this man possibly be jealous of that? She was genuinely taken aback, and before she could think, the words flew out: “Why should I not? I don’t depend on him for my livelihood…”

“Because you depend on me for your livelihood — is that why you show me such respectful and unfailing courtesy?”

Minglan panicked. “No — no, that isn’t…” She flushed with agitation. “Marquis, you’re twisting my words!”

Gu Tingye’s expression was full and deep. He stood abruptly, his tall figure moving through the room in a single circuit, and then stopped in front of Minglan. “I have long known how Qi Heng feels about you. Even if he truly named those children after you — what of it? What others think in their own hearts has nothing to do with the two of us. What I care about is what you think in yours. Do you… have you ever…”

The words below stuck in his throat. He, who had been bold and fearless all his life — how ridiculous, that he should falter now.

“No. I know what the Marquis wants to ask, and I have asked myself the same question many times over.” Minglan looked up at the window for a moment, as though steadying her thoughts, then said: “…No. I have never held any feeling of that kind toward Qi Heng.”

“You are so certain?” Gu Tingye finally said, after a pause.

Minglan said calmly: “Very early on, I knew that Qi Heng and I could never be matched in marriage. Knowing that, what was the use of dwelling on it further? I am not the tender and sentimental young lady of a story — I would never allow what should not happen to happen.”

Gu Tingye gave a cold laugh: “Madam is indeed very sensible. It’s a pity for Qi Heng and all his devotion — if he were to hear these words of yours…”

“I said far harsher things to him before his face.” Minglan said directly.

Gu Tingye turned a sharp look on her. Minglan met it squarely. The two held each other’s gaze for a moment, then Gu Tingye looked away.

Minglan raised her chin: “Just because someone cares for me — does that mean I am obliged to care for him in return? Hmph! Nothing in this world is so simple!” These words had been bottled up inside her for over ten years, and in this moment she no longer cared about anything — she let them all out.

“I lost my birth mother at six years old. Among the sisters of the household, Father spoiled Fifth Sister, and Father liked Fourth Sister. If not for Grandmother’s compassion, I don’t know what would have become of me. For someone like me — how could I ever have afforded even half a misstep?”

Minglan grew more and more agitated as she spoke, and stood up abruptly, standing tall before the window. “The Princess Pingning would not even accept a legitimate daughter of the Sheng family — to say nothing of me! Qi Heng knew all of this perfectly well, yet what did he want from me? That we should exchange tender words beneath the flowers and moon — or that we should pass secret tokens between us? And then wait for the day he married some great family’s daughter, while I silently nursed my heartbreak for the rest of my life?”

— Don’t even dream of it. She would absolutely not spend a moment’s heartbreak over a bond that was never worth it!

Gu Tingye was quiet for a long moment before saying: “I had heard early on that Qi Heng and the Princess had fought more than once over the matter of his marriage.”

“And what of it?” Minglan shot back sharply. “Back when I was in Dengzhou, Grandmother used to take me to the countryside to escape the heat. I saw the cages for drowning women. I saw women locked up by their clan’s ancestral hall. If Qi Heng truly had it in him, he should have married me proper and clean, without letting me live in fear and dread. And if he couldn’t manage that — yet still insisted on making a spectacle of things — then one charge of ‘passing secret tokens’ could have ended my life!”

By the end of what she was saying, she raised a hand and wiped her cheek — and found it wet.

Gu Tingye was struck speechless by the deep, piercing sorrow in her eyes.

Minglan’s eyes held back tears, and she said word by word: “Marquis Gu — men and women are not the same in this world. It does not follow that because a man gives so much feeling, a woman must return it in equal measure. You could behave recklessly for a decade or more, then come around and reform yourself, achieve your ambitions, and make your name. But a woman? A single false step, and her life is half destroyed. And how would Grandmother, who raised me with such tender love, hold up her head among people?”

Her chest rose and fell sharply, and she gave a cold laugh. “So the Marquis can rest entirely at ease. No matter how much of a childhood bond there may have been — it was all drowned out long ago by that fear and dread. I was too busy being frightened to spare any thought for something as precious as feelings between a man and a woman. A luxury like that — for a small, insignificant concubine-born daughter like me, was never something I could afford!”

In Gu Tingye’s heart, a dull and bitter ache spread through him. He could not even bring himself to look up at her. He slowly sank down to sit on the edge of the chaise.

Minglan sat back on the spring stool, pressing down the moisture in her eyes and forcing it back by sheer will. “You just told me about Madam Zou. I understand what the Marquis means. But I do not agree with Madam Zou’s choice. Would the Emperor have truly been in danger if the Princess had not recovered? And besides — the Princess had Heaven’s protection, and might well have pulled through on her own. To truly love a person — one should keep oneself alive, for his sake!”

Looking at it generously, Elder Zou Shi had put her life on the line to nurse the Princess because of her bond of flesh and blood with the Empress; looking at it plainly, she had been making one last desperate gamble — hoping to protect the Shen family’s glory and ensure that the Shen Empress’s son would smoothly inherit the succession.

“Madam Zou traded her one life for the Shen family’s current glory and honor. I would like to ask the National Uncle — was it worth it or not?” Those large eyes, soaked through with tears, were like a moon reflected in clear cold water — piercingly cold, cutting straight to the bottom of Gu Tingye’s heart. “Before the Marquis wonders whether I would be willing to follow Madam Zou’s example — perhaps first ask yourself: if you were the National Uncle, would you want me to spend my life in exchange for your advancement?”

“I would never!” Gu Tingye let out a roar, and brought his fist down hard against the chaise. There was a crashing sound — the cluster of begonia flowers carved in rosewood at the head of the chaise had shattered.

Silence fell completely across the room. Neither of them spoke for a long while. Gu Tingye’s nostrils flared, his breath coming hard and rough.

Minglan looked at him with grief in her eyes. “Suddenly seeing the green of willows by the road — and regretting I ever sent my husband off to seek his glory. If it were me — I would only want the two of us to live our days simply and peacefully together, and I would ask nothing more. Now, without Madam Zou — is the National Uncle truly happy?”

Gu Tingye stared at the woman sitting across from him. “I… did not mean to blame you. It was only that every time Qi Heng was mentioned, you seemed inexplicably guilty…”

Minglan felt as though the deepest, most hidden place in her heart had been touched. Something that had been held quietly in concealment there collapsed all at once, and the ugliness that had been covered over had nowhere left to hide. She leaned one hand on the table, and said with a desolate ache: “…I feel guilty because — when someone treated me with true and wholehearted sincerity, I was thinking only of myself.”

Gu Tingye suddenly lifted his head.

Minglan’s tears were at the brim: “He treated me well. He did not look down on me for being concubine-born, did not calculate gain and loss or care about his face. He simply wanted to treat me well. And he truly meant to marry me, exerting himself in roundabout ways for my sake. Yet I… I was only ever thinking of protecting myself. All I cared about was keeping myself safe and secure — I never, not once, gave a thought to him.”

Large teardrops rolled down her refined face. She could no longer hold her voice steady. “You were right to suspect me. In this life, I have only ever loved myself.”

Gu Tingye looked into her grief-filled eyes, and in a fleeting daze he could not tell whether the remorse she spoke of was the guilt she felt toward Qi Heng, or the guilt she felt toward himself.

He stood, and raised a hand to wipe the tears from her face — then suddenly stumbled a half-step.

A coolness spread through his chest.

Minglan raised her head. Her face was streaming with tears. In a low, heartbroken voice she said: “I have not been worthy of the goodness you have shown me. I am truly a person with no heart.”

Yes. That was simply the kind of person she was. What could he do about it.

Gu Tingye only despised himself for being born with this nature that could never let anything rest. If only he could have been a little less thorough about these things — how much better that would have been. Were not many couples exactly like this, growing old together side by side? She had made herself perfectly clear: she would never be capable of giving of herself the way Madam Zou had. So what was he to do?

He had lived nearly thirty years — and even in his wayward youth, he had been willfully proud, doing entirely as he pleased, never silently swallowing humiliation. Through all the upheavals he had navigated and the court he had maneuvered, never had he felt this powerless. It was only today that he understood — he was this weak.

He could not bear to let go, could not cast her aside, yet was not resigned to this. Her tears were like a blade — seemingly fragile, yet drawing blood with every stroke. Each low, soft sob was like a needle in the softest, most vulnerable part of his heart.

He suddenly rose to his feet, walked swiftly out of the room, and went back to his study. He pulled a book at random from the shelf and flipped through several pages restlessly. Gu Quan appeared at the door, peering cautiously inside, and called out softly: “Marquis, Master Gongsun has been looking for you on some matter.”

Gu Tingye sat in the dim yellow lamplight, unmoving. “Has the Master said what matter it is?”

Gu Quan said: “The Master didn’t say in detail. He placed a document on the left shelf, and asked the Marquis to read it when you returned.” He glanced at his master and said, treading carefully: “It looks as though the Marquis has another task assigned to him.”

Gu Tingye turned to the side, took a document from the left shelf — written on thin white silk — and read it quickly through. He was silent for a long while, then said: “Go out to the outer courtyard and tell the Master I have seen it. I will go find him first thing tomorrow morning.”

Gu Quan bowed, backed out of the room, and drew the door quietly shut behind him.

No one could say how much longer he sat there — until the half-candle in the coral lamp holder had burned itself down to nothing, and the room was completely dark, and all his limbs had gone stiff. Only then did he slowly stand. But he did not go to the side chamber where he had been sleeping these past days. Instead, he walked, as though in a daze, back to Jia Xi Residence.

The tall four-poster bed’s bed curtains had been let down. Layer upon layer of sheer and gauzy fabric hung softly — the color of lake-green that Minglan preferred, deepening and lightening in gradation, like the drooping willows along a southern lakeshore. Outside, rain had begun to fall in a fine drizzle, and the night grew several degrees cooler.

Minglan was curled in the corner of the bed in her outer clothes. Her fine, close-woven long hair had come undone and was spread across the pillow — a cascade reaching all the way down to the edge of the bed. Her long lashes were still damp, like a child aggrieved and heartbroken. Her left hand was curled into a small fist, tucked against her cheek.

His heart seemed to have been seized by something — and tightened, all at once.

That same night, he had the bedding from the side chamber of the study gathered up, and everything brought back to the main room.