Lin Jin Lou turned her hand over several times before saying coolly: “Oh, so you weren’t happy with me, but you were content suffering out there? You were happy being sold to a brothel as a prostitute?” He pushed Xiang Lan away and pointed at her with a cold laugh, “Look at yourself, enough of a sight to last ten people half a month, you foolish thing. You’ve grown bold, daring to sneak away secretly. How did I not notice before that you were so devious? Hm? Did you think that getting sick would make everything fine?”
Xiang Lan hung her head without speaking, occasionally wiping her tears.
Lin Jin Lou wanted to lecture more, but the little maid entered with a tray carrying a bowl of porridge and two side dishes. Lin Jin Lou stopped speaking and ordered the bed table to be placed on the kang. Xiang Lan saw it was white rice porridge with pickled bamboo shoots and fresh vegetable sprouts as light side dishes. She had no appetite and was anxious about Lin Jin Lou’s questioning, making her head feel even more dizzy.
Lin Jin Lou pushed the celadon bowl toward Xiang Lan. Seeing her daze, he said: “Eat something first. You need food in your stomach before taking medicine.”
Xiang Lan’s headache made her nauseous. She didn’t want to eat but dared not go against Lin Jin Lou’s wishes. She reluctantly picked up the spoon, took two bites, and then put it down, softly saying with a lowered head: “I can’t eat anymore.”
“Just those two bites? You’re feeding a cat?… Don’t like it? There was meat porridge, but the doctor said you can’t have meat or greasy food, so you can only eat plain food like this.”
“It’s not that I don’t like it, I just can’t eat more…”
“Here you go again, starting to be stubborn and sulk with me?”
Seeing Lin Jin Lou about to glare, Xiang Lan forced herself to take another spoonful, straightening her neck to swallow. Her head ached, her body was sore, and she felt waves of chills. She thought self-deprecatingly that perhaps she was just ill-fated. She had only wanted to find a place to live peacefully, why wasn’t that possible? She had been living properly in the temple when she encountered evil people. And then there was Lin Jin Lou – she had fled to Yang Zhou, such a distant place, yet he still dragged her out. He had saved her again, so she owed him again, but thinking about returning to the cold Lin family mansion made her heart sink halfway. What would future days be like? Serving with her looks, forcing smiles, nervously serving Lin Jin Lou and his future wife, keeping her head down and enduring such a life?
A person’s life is short, yet days of endurance seem particularly long. She had been Lin Jin Lou’s concubine for only a year, but it felt like several lifetimes had passed, her heart seemed to have aged suddenly.
Xiang Lan didn’t want to cry and tried to hold back, but her tears wouldn’t stop. Teardrops fell into the porridge bowl. She took a spoonful into her mouth, tasting only bitterness – a bitterness that reached her heart, making her shiver involuntarily.
Lin Jin Lou hadn’t expected Xiang Lan to burst into tears after one bite of porridge, her tears falling like unstrung pearls, yet still desperately spooning porridge into her mouth. He took the bowl away, frowning, and after a while said: “If you can’t eat, then don’t. Nobody’s forcing you… This is for your good. The doctor said the medicine hurts the stomach, so you should at least eat a bowl of plain porridge. Later I’ll have Third Brother and the others go find some bird’s nest and ginseng to make you a nourishing soup… Stop crying, can you hold back the tears?”
Xiang Lan tried her best to stop, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, her shoulders hitching, like a pitiful, helpless kitten.
Lin Jin Lou cleared away the bed table, got on the bed, and pulled Xiang Lan into his arms. Stroking her hair, he said: “You’re too stubborn, keeping everything inside. If you weren’t happy in the Lin household, why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve supported you, I anyone who dared bully you, I would’ve destroyed them immediately. Instead, you ran away without a word. Do you know I turned all of Jin Ling upside down looking for you? Even relatives who had nothing to do with your parents, I investigated them all. These days, slave traders in Jin Ling don’t dare to deal with young girls your age. Yes, people at the Lin house bullied you, but was life better outside? Doing all that dirty and tiring work, right? Your hands have grown rough. A young woman like you, living in a temple – if you looked like Li Kui it might have been fine, but you’re pretty and all alone in a nunnery, trouble was bound to happen sooner or later. What if I hadn’t come tonight? Did you think about that?”
Xiang Lan continued crying in his arms, her sobs muffled, and Lin Jin Lou could feel his chest growing wet. He stroked her long hair again and said softly: “I just asked you to eat a few bites of porridge, why are you crying? I only scolded you a bit, and you’re feeling wronged. Alright, stop crying now, you’re still sick, crying too much will make your head hurt. Let the maids bring water to wash your face, take your medicine, rinse your mouth, and sleep. You’ve been sleeping since morning until now, while I’ve been busy running around without rest, exhausted enough. I want to rest too.” Looking around and finding no handkerchief, he grabbed the pillow cover embroidered with mandarin ducks playing in the water, turned Xiang Lan’s face up, and wiped it for her.
Xiang Lan secretly glanced at Lin Jin Lou. In the candlelight, his chiseled face looked even more handsome, no longer angry, his overwhelming presence somewhat softened. Her head was too heavy, so she let Lin Jin Lou wipe her face with the pillow cover.
Lin Jin Lou ordered the maid to bring medicine and water. Xiang Lan had to wipe her face again with a hot towel, take the medicine, and rinse her mouth. After the maid withdrew and Lin Jin Lou got into bed, he was about to blow out the bedside light.
Xiang Lan finally spoke in a hoarse voice: “The people who helped me leave were my senior sisters from the temple, Master, please… I deceived them, they didn’t know anything.” Her voice choked up again as she spoke.
Lin Jin Lou snorted, but when he turned to see Xiang Lan’s red, swollen, glistening eyes and red nose, he sighed and patted her, saying: “Alright, I’ll let bygones be bygones.”
Xiang Lan was stunned. She had a belly full of pleading words prepared, not expecting Lin Jin Lou to drop the matter so easily.
Lin Jin Lou turned over, propping himself up on his elbow to trap Xiang Lan beneath him, looking down at her: “I’ve granted you this one thing, so you’re not allowed to cry anymore. Previously, the Madam was prejudiced against you, now she regrets not treating you well. She keeps asking if we’ve found you, sent things to your family four times in these three months, and was afraid of worrying about your parents so didn’t dare tell them you were missing. When you go back, you can rest easy, no one in the entire Lin household will give you any trouble… I’m working myself to death outside every day, when I come home I just hope someone will care for me and say some nice words. I’m not expecting you to pluck the moon from the sky, nor expecting you to be especially good at serving, just be good and cause less trouble, alright?”
Xiang Lan bit her lip, her long eyelashes lowering. Her head hurt too much to think about Madam Qin, Lin Jin Lou, or returning to the Lin household.
Lin Jin Lou seemed to say something more, but by then the medicine was taking effect. Xiang Lan felt his voice becoming extremely distant. She closed her eyes and fell into deep sleep once again.