Prologue
Gu Chusheng heard the sound of rain and stood up, pausing by the window. Now nearing his sixtieth year, his body was no longer as strong as it once was. The night rain felt a bit cold, and he couldn’t help but cough lightly.
Gu Yanqing walked in and saw him standing by the window. Unable to restrain herself, she said, “Father, why have you opened the window again?”
Gu Chusheng smiled gently, his expression warm. “The rain is lovely tonight.”
Gu Yanqing sighed. “You’re still unwell; you shouldn’t be looking at the night rain.”
Gu Chusheng remained silent. He smiled as he walked to the table, picking up the medicine bowl and sipping it slowly.
“How is the flood situation in Dezhou?” he asked.
“Father,” Gu Yanqing said, a bit displeased, “you shouldn’t worry about these things. Just focus on getting better!”
Gu Chusheng coughed lightly and shook his head. “I can’t help but ask; I worry too much.”
“You just need someone by your side,” Gu Yanqing said helplessly. “Father, Mother has been gone for so many years; you should let go. Find someone, whether old or young, just someone to keep you company.”
“Child, why are you meddling in adult matters?” Gu Chusheng gently reprimanded.
Gu Yanqing couldn’t help but argue back, “Father, I can already call you ‘Dad.'”
“Then you are also my son,” Gu Chusheng retorted immediately. Gu Yanqing wanted to say more, but Gu Chusheng suddenly interrupted him.
“Enough, I know what you want to say. But Yanqing,” he said calmly, “everything in this world can be compromised, except for feelings.”
“If you don’t know what you want, then don’t take anything at all.”
Gu Yanqing was eager to refute but stopped when he saw Gu Chusheng’s expression. Gu Chusheng seemed to fall into some kind of memory, his expression softening. “Moreover, I have already had what I wanted, so I won’t force it.”
“There are still too many things I need to do in this life. Remembering her is enough for me.”
—
1
Gu Chusheng’s initial impression of Chu Yu came from Chu Jin.
When Gu Chusheng was still in his mother’s womb, his father was promoted from the governor of Lanzhou to the Deputy Minister of the Ministry of Works. On the way back to the capital, they encountered a group of mountain bandits. His mother was frightened and went into labor. In a moment of crisis, it was Chu Jianchang who happened to pass by and saved them, allowing the family to remain safe. Gu Chusheng’s father was a man who valued gratitude, and he promised at that moment that Gu Chusheng would be considered a half-son of the Chu family, naming him Chusheng, meaning “born for the Chu family.” Moved by Gu Chusheng’s father’s kindness, Chu Jianchang agreed to a marriage alliance between the two families as soon as Gu Chusheng was born.
Not long after Gu Chusheng was born, Xie Yun became pregnant and later gave birth to a pair of twins, both girls. At that time, due to the chaos of war, Chu Jianchang was injured on the battlefield while protecting the Duke of the State. In gratitude, the Wei family arranged a marriage with the Chu family. Since the Wei family was a family of military nobility and the Gu family was a scholarly family, the Chu family decided to raise the two children separately. Chu Jianchang took Chu Yu to grow up in the southwestern border, while Xie Yun, from a family of scholars, raised Chu Jin in Huajing.
At that time, the southwest was frequently troubled by war, and the children could not endure the hardships of travel. Thus, Chu Yu spent a full twelve years at the border without returning home.
Before the age of twelve, Gu Chusheng had never met Chu Yu. He was frail as a child and often stayed at home drinking medicine. His only playmate was Chu Jin from the Chu residence. They both knew from a young age that they would be husband and wife in the future. Therefore, Chu Jin took good care of him, making medicine for him, wiping his sweat, and sweetly calling him, “Brother Chusheng.”
This form of address reminded Gu Chusheng of his responsibility—he was a half-son of the Chu family, born for the Chu family. Thus, he treated Chu Jin as his wife from a young age, even though he did not yet understand what a wife should be like.
Although Chu Yu had not returned home during that time, the Chu family was filled with legends about her. Every time Chu Jianchang and Chu Linyang returned, they would talk about this eldest daughter, and Xie Yun would always mention her. Even after Chu Linyang and Chu Jianchang left, she would repeatedly bring up what they had said.
For example, they praised Chu Yu’s cheerful personality, her exceptional martial arts skills, her bravery and wisdom, and her kindness and intelligence.
After hearing these praises for a long time, Chu Jin grew to dislike Chu Yu, often saying to Gu Chusheng, “My sister… is just a country bumpkin, a barbarian.”
As they grew older, Chu Jin learned to be more subtle and changed her words, saying, “My sister… is straightforward and only knows how to wield a spear. I wonder what kind of trouble she will get into when she comes to Huajing.”
With her convoluted thoughts, how could Gu Chusheng not understand Chu Jin’s meaning? The little girl’s heart was somewhat malicious, but he didn’t mind. After all, he was Chu Jin’s husband, and it was only right to protect her.
—
2
He harbored animosity towards Chu Yu until he turned twelve.
At twelve, he accompanied his father to the southwestern border, where his father was overseeing the construction of a defensive project. He came along to learn a few things.
On the day they arrived, Chu Jianchang personally came to greet them. It was still early morning, and from a distance, he saw the magpies flying against the backdrop of the moonlight, with dawn breaking. In the light, there was a procession led by Chu Jianchang, followed by two young men—one older, dressed in black, whom he guessed was Chu Linyang, and the other… was a girl.
She looked to be around eleven or twelve years old, dressed in a red outfit, her hair tied up high with a ribbon.
She was actually quite beautiful, different from Chu Jin’s beauty. Her deep-set eyes, long eyelashes, and bright, large eyes radiated a rare vitality and clarity found in Huajing women. It was a striking beauty that made it hard for one to look away.
At that time, he had just woken up, wearing a red wide-sleeved robe embroidered with cloud patterns in gold thread, a jade crown on his head, and a white cloak with a fur collar draped over his shoulders, exuding an air of nobility mixed with a hint of charm.
His father brought him before Chu Jianchang, and he respectfully performed the customary greetings. With a maturity rare for his age, he said, “Greetings, Uncle Chu, greetings, elder brother, greetings…” His gaze fell on Chu Yu, hesitating for a moment before finally choosing the same address as Chu Jin, “Sister Chu Yu.”
As he greeted her, he always looked at the other person, and when he called out “Sister Chu Yu,” his beautiful eyes fell upon her.
The girl widened her eyes slightly upon hearing him call her, then suddenly shrank back behind Chu Linyang.
The Chu family members felt a bit awkward, and Chu Linyang maintained a smile as he pulled Chu Yu forward, saying in a low voice, “What are you doing? Come out!”
“No, no,” Chu Yu’s crisp voice rang out. “This young master is too handsome; I’m afraid I’ll scare him.”
Gu Chusheng: “…”
For the first time in his life, he felt teased.
This feeling was not pleasant, and he thought to himself, this is indeed what Chu Jin said—a country bumpkin.
That night, he stayed at the Chu residence. The climate in the southwest was vastly different from Huajing. The night sky was filled with brilliant stars, accompanied by a faint floral fragrance. A woman was singing a tune he couldn’t understand from afar. In such an environment, he couldn’t help but want to play a tune on his guqin, so he took it to the courtyard. Just as he stepped into the courtyard, he heard Chu Yu’s voice coming from the garden, seemingly talking to others, excitedly saying, “You don’t know, that Gu Chusheng is so handsome! When I saw him today, my heart raced. He looked at me and called me ‘Sister Chu Yu.’ Suddenly, I understood what San Niang meant by ‘my bones turned to mush’…”
The women nearby laughed, and one woman covered her lips, saying, “Miss, you’re still young; what do you understand?”
Hearing the women talk about his appearance, Gu Chusheng thought to himself, how vulgar.
So he hugged his guqin and retreated back to his room.
A few days later, Chu Yu came to visit him. She was swinging a whip and boldly said, “Gu Ge, my brother said you’ve been cooped up in your room. Let me take you out for a stroll.”
Gu Chusheng’s face was as cold as ice. Chu Yu felt a bit embarrassed by his attitude and awkwardly touched her nose. “Um, Gu Ge, did I say something wrong?”
“Miss Chu didn’t say anything wrong,” Gu Chusheng replied flatly. “It’s just that we are no longer young, and it wouldn’t be appropriate for you to take me out.”
“What’s inappropriate about it?” Chu Yu looked confused. Gu Chusheng shot her a sidelong glance, disdainfully saying, “Miss Chu, don’t you understand the boundaries between men and women?”
“I’m not hugging or kissing you; how can there be no boundaries?” Chu Yu frowned, a bit displeased. “You’re going to be my brother-in-law; do you really think I would fall for you?”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng let out a cold laugh, not believing her. He had heard Chu Yu’s inappropriate words with his own ears; how could he trust her now?
Seeing that he was unwilling to go out, Chu Yu didn’t press further, simply saying, “If you don’t want to go, then I’ll go by myself.”
—
3
Without Chu Yu to take him out, Gu Chusheng, being young, couldn’t hold back after half a month and finally began to wander outside. He often saw Chu Yu, but the reason was simple: wherever there were many people, there was often Chu Yu.
He had seen her leading a group of people galloping through the streets and wrestling in the training grounds, covered in mud. He discovered that wherever Chu Yu went, she was the center of attention, and she truly knew this city well, enjoying all the best it had to offer. So, he began to quietly follow her, eating at the restaurants she had visited, ordering the dishes she had chosen, going to the places she had gone, and walking the paths she had walked.
He held onto the pride of a Huajing noble and lived the life that Chu Yu lived, surprisingly finding it quite enjoyable.
The vibrant life of a young girl was entirely different from that of the noble ladies of Huajing.
Later, he also realized that Chu Yu perhaps really had no ulterior motives towards him, as she was not very educated and had a limited vocabulary. Whenever she saw a handsome man, she would exclaim, “I finally understand what it means to have my bones turn to mush.” Gu Chusheng couldn’t help but laugh, thinking that Chu Yu’s bones must have long since turned to dust.
Such a woman…
He thought for a moment, it was fortunate that Wei Jun was marrying her; if it were him, he would have been driven mad by such an unruly woman.
He loved women like Chu Jin—understanding of propriety, knowledgeable, skilled in writing, and understanding of music.
However—if Chu Yu were not his wife, watching such a lively girl from a distance would seem quite nice.
He followed Chu Yu for over half a year. Occasionally, when they met, they would greet each other casually, with her saying, “Hey, you’re here.”
Over time, he would smile back at her and occasionally invite her for a drink, and they got along peacefully.
Until the year he turned thirteen, when the Chen Kingdom launched a surprise attack, and Xuzhou fell.
At that time, Chu Jianchang was not present, and Chu Yu had gone out to play by herself. Chu Linyang urged him, “You need to leave the city and find my sister. Bring her back to Yancheng immediately!”
Knowing the situation was urgent, he donned a cloak, strapped on his sword, and galloped out.
He searched everywhere in the wilderness for Chu Yu. When Xuzhou fell, he finally found her. She stood alone in the field, her face filled with confusion and a hint of fear, watching the smoke rising from the city. At that moment, he finally realized she was just a little girl.
He rushed towards her, extending his hand and calling out, “Chu Yu, get on!”
Chu Yu looked up in a daze, her eyes suddenly brightening as she shouted, “Gu Chusheng?!”
“Get on,” he urged, “I’ll take you away.”
For a moment, Chu Yu hesitated, then grasped his hand. He wrapped her in his cloak, scolding, “Why are you dressed like this when you come out?!”
“Don’t you fear freezing to death in this snow?”
This time, Chu Yu did not act playfully; she quietly held onto him, listening to the sound of his heartbeat and the rhythm of the horse’s hooves. He thought she was frightened, so he softened his tone and couldn’t help but say, “Don’t worry, I will escort you to Yancheng. Your father and brothers will be fine; I will stay with you.”
Chu Yu held him tightly, and after a long while, she finally whispered, “Oh.”
4
He ran with her all night, finally escorting her safely to Yancheng. Once they arrived, she seemed a bit downcast, and he assumed it was due to the fright she had experienced, so he didn’t think much of it.
In the following days, when he went to see her, she avoided him, and he didn’t understand why. With the pride of youth, he was too stubborn to keep pursuing her after being rejected a few times. After all, who was anyone to him? Why should he allow himself to be treated this way?
At that time, he didn’t understand that when a girl doesn’t like someone, she can be open and carefree, but if she does like someone, she can only shrink back in hesitation. After all, he was to be Chu Yu’s future brother-in-law, and with her temperament, how could he allow himself to think too much?
He did not see Chu Yu again until he returned to the capital. On the day he returned, he subtly hinted to Chu Linyang to inform Chu Yu, hoping she would come to see him off. He thought that even as friends, she should come to bid him farewell.
However, he waited from morning until dusk, yet she never came. He didn’t even know what he was angry about. Throwing aside the curtain, he angrily said, “Let’s go.”
He thought to himself that when Chu Yu came to Huajing in the future, he would never go to greet her.
He meant what he said. After the chaos in Xuzhou, Chu Jianchang finally felt that the border was unstable and sent Chu Yu back to Huajing. When he heard she had arrived, he did not go to see her. It wasn’t until his father took him to a banquet at the Chu residence that he finally saw Chu Yu.
Returning to the capital, Chu Yu seemed like an eagle with its wings clipped, out of place among the crowd. When she saw him, it was as if she didn’t recognize him. Since she didn’t recognize him, he wouldn’t make an effort to be friendly.
Occasionally, when she stumbled over her skirt and fell, causing laughter among the crowd, he would remind Chu Jin to help her up.
He thought life would continue like this, that he would enter the officialdom, marry Chu Jin, serve the country, and be loyal to the monarch.
Until the seventh year of Chunxi, when he was fifteen, the Prince of Qin rebelled.
At the onset of the rebellion, he sensed something was off with his father. He was clever and quickly guessed what his father intended to do. His father had a deep affection for the founding Zhao family and had received favor from the Prince of Qin. He would not abandon him in his time of need.
However, when Zhao Yue appeared at his home, he was still shocked. Even though Zhao Yue had been transformed into an ordinary servant by his father, he knew the family’s secrets and the emperor’s methods. He understood that with his father’s naive approach, he could not protect Zhao Yue. Yet, Zhao Yue had already come to the Gu family, and no matter what, the Gu family could not escape death.
On a stormy night, he ordered the dark guards in his home to search the area. After confirming the presence of other dark guards lurking nearby, he realized that the Gu family was doomed.
His father cried and pleaded with him. “I can die, but the Zhao bloodline cannot be severed!”
Gu Chusheng’s face turned pale as he looked at his father, who was weeping profusely. Finally, he said, “I have a way.”
Zhao Yue was calmly drinking tea in the room when she heard his words. She looked up at Gu Chusheng, who turned to Zhao Yue and trembled as he spoke, “I heard that the heir is close to the eldest princess?”
Zhao Yue lowered her gaze and remained silent for a long time before she smiled gently. “I don’t know if he will save me, but you can give it a try.”
Gu Chusheng went to try.
He sent someone to contact the eldest princess and received a reply. The eldest princess arranged for people in the palace, and what he needed to do was to extricate the Gu family from this matter, giving Zhao Yue a “death” to reassure Emperor Chunde.
He took up his sword and escorted his father into the palace. He reported his father, and to demonstrate his loyalty, he executed his father.
Emperor Chunde looked at him, kneeling on the ground with blood on his hands, and finally felt at ease. He sighed and said, “It’s rare for someone your age to have such loyalty. Very well, I will spare the Gu family. However, while you can avoid the death penalty, you cannot escape the living punishment. It seems you should enter the palace as a companion to the crown prince this year. Very well, go to Kunyang and start as a county magistrate; it will be a good experience for you.”
He expressed his gratitude profusely. When he left the palace, he did not dare to wash his hands. He hid his blood-stained hands in his sleeves, unsure of where to go.
He felt like a wandering soul, with nowhere to belong in this world. He followed his instincts and walked until he found himself standing in the alley of the Chu family.
He didn’t know if he was looking for Chu Jin or Chu Yu; he just stood there in confusion when he saw two young gentlemen.
One looked to be around twenty-three or twenty-four, while the other was only thirteen or fourteen. The older one wore plain clothes and a jade crown, while the younger one was dressed in black, with his hair tied up high, two strands falling at his forehead, revealing a delicate beauty.
The young boy was climbing over the wall, and the older one watched him with a smile. Gu Chusheng stared at them for a moment before realizing it.
He didn’t recognize the younger one, but he knew the older one.
Wei Shizi, Wei Jun.
If Wei Jun was here, then the young boy must be his younger brother, Wei Yun.
He silently watched them, observing their actions, and understood what was happening.
Next year, Chu Yu would be married, and it was normal for Wei Jun to come and see what his bride-to-be looked like after waiting for so long.
Yet, an inexplicable fire burned in his heart. He clenched his hands in his sleeves, coldly staring at the two brothers, and said in a suppressed voice, “Wei Shizi, leading your brother to do such things in the middle of the night is rather inappropriate, don’t you think?”
Hearing this, Wei Yun felt a bit guilty and angry. Wei Jun paused for a moment, then awkwardly smiled and said to Wei Yun, “Xiao Qi, I told you not to be so mischievous. When will you learn not to climb over walls? Come down; I’ll take you back.”
Wei Yun: “…”
Wei Jun’s words were straightforward and sincere. He turned to Gu Chusheng and bowed, saying, “My younger brother has a habit of night wandering and climbing walls. I just chased him here and didn’t have time to stop him. I apologize for letting Young Master Gu see this.”
Gu Chusheng remained silent, his gaze as cold as water.
Wei Jun ignored him, waved his hand, and Wei Yun jumped down. Wei Jun clasped his hands and said, “Farewell,” and then led Wei Yun away.
Gu Chusheng quietly watched the two of them leave, feeling the sticky blood on his hands.
Why?
He thought.
Why did they get to live so easily, having everything they wanted, while he had to lose everything?
The Gu family had fallen; his father was gone; he had personally executed his father; he had nothing left. Chu Jin would not marry him; he knew this woman too well. And Chu Yu…
A sudden panic gripped his heart.
Chu Yu was not his.
She was Wei Jun’s wife, not his.
—
5
Gu Chusheng did not leave his home for a year.
His father was gone, and Emperor Chunde kept it a secret, pretending to interrogate everyone. At that time, everyone in the court was in danger. He hid in his room, doing nothing but reading, painting, and drinking.
He felt that his life was probably ruined.
He knew he could make a comeback, but what would it matter? Could he ever compare to Wei Jun?
He drank to forget, and without his father’s restraint, he was the highest authority in the house, and no one dared to say anything to him.
A year later, his mourning period ended, and he was supposed to go to Kunyang to take up his post. At that time, Chu Yu turned fifteen and had set a wedding date with the Wei family.
He instinctively avoided the news of Chu Yu’s wedding. Just before leaving Huajing, Chu Jin came to find him.
“Brother Chusheng,” she cried, pleading with him, “please break off the engagement. My sister likes you; I can’t do anything to betray her.”
His expression remained calm as he listened to Chu Jin’s cries. Her voice was pitiful, yet he felt a sense of peace within.
He knew Chu Jin’s character too well. He couldn’t help but smile. “It’s not that your sister likes me; it’s that you don’t want to go to Kunyang with me, right?”
Chu Jin was momentarily taken aback. Gu Chusheng looked at her dazed expression. She was like a delicate flower, meant to be nurtured in a grand hall, cared for with the finest porcelain.
Her coming to break off the engagement was a declaration of his current life and all its outcomes—he, Gu Chusheng, was unworthy of her.
She was as clear-headed, selfish, calm, and harsh as he was.
He quietly watched her, recalling how she used to call him “Brother Chusheng” when she was young. He scoffed, “I will not break off the engagement.”
“But A Jin,” he raised his hand to cover her face, his expression calm, “you won’t regret following me.”
Hearing this, Chu Jin screamed in anger. She questioned him—”Gu Chusheng, do you think you are worthy? Look at yourself; do you deserve me?!”
He said nothing, his hand gripping the teacup trembling slightly.
After Chu Jin left, he didn’t know what had happened. On the eve of his departure from Huajing, Chu Yu suddenly sent him a letter, saying she wanted to accompany him to Kunyang.
He thought this girl must be crazy, but at that moment he felt a twinge of softness in his heart. In truth, having Chu Yu accompany him to Kunyang would be a good thing for him, but it was also a bad thing.
On the one hand, with Chu Yu’s status and abilities, she would likely provide him with much help. On the other hand, the Wei family’s reputation would not allow such a disgrace, nor would they accept him.
However, the Wei family’s values would not permit them to act too out of line. No matter how one looked at it, this matter was bound to be profitable.
He should have accepted the letter, but looking at the handwriting and imagining the girl riding and drinking, he suddenly smiled.
“Tell her not to come.”
He spoke softly to the servant, “Let her marry Wei Jun. I don’t like her; tell her not to come.”
—
6
Yet, she ultimately came.
She rode through the night, her sword drawn, lifting the curtain of his carriage to reveal her bright and beautiful face.
He couldn’t articulate what he felt at that moment; it seemed as if light filled the earth. However, after being in darkness for so long, he felt a sense of unease.
So he softly scolded, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to accompany you,” the girl replied with a smile. Then she became serious, looking at him intently. “Gu Chusheng, I will be with you from now on; don’t be afraid.”
The young man said nothing, his hands hidden in his sleeves tightly gripping the fabric of his trousers. He stared at her, afraid to speak, fearing that his hoarse voice would betray his inner turmoil.
Seeing him silent, Chu Yu smiled and lowered the curtain, calling to the people she had brought with her, “Let’s set off!”
She meant what she said; she truly set aside her engagement, abandoning Wei Jun to accompany him.
In the darkness, he looked at the girl’s face, completely unaware of what had transpired, but he knew that on that night, when she was tired and leaned against him with her sword, he suddenly felt that one day he would return.
One day, he would go back to Huajing, avenge his family, become stronger than Wei Jun and Wei Yun, and would…
Be worthy of her.
But at that time, he still did not know his true feelings. He only felt the night wind was a bit cold, so he raised his hand, pulling her into his embrace, and draping his sleeve over her shoulders.
Chu Yu had broken off her engagement with the Wei family, and naturally, there was no turning back. If he did not want her, she would have nowhere to go, so he married her.
He repeatedly told himself that he was repaying her kindness, that he did not want her to return and become the subject of ridicule for others. However, when he heard that the Wei family had gone to war, with the front lines not far from Kunyang in Baicheng, and that Chu Yu had volunteered to help transport supplies, he pursed his lips and said to Chu Yu, “Let’s get married first. It’s not proper for a girl to do these things. After we marry, I will accompany you.”
Chu Yu suddenly turned around, her face filled with joy as if sprinkled with starlight.
It was a very simple wedding, with no one present. They performed their rites to heaven and earth, and that was enough.
That night, he was clumsy, and Chu Yu, being straightforward, teased him. He became annoyed and turned his back to her, but she lowered her voice to coax him. He was both angry and helpless, and when he finally held her, he suddenly felt that perhaps this life was not so bad after all.
At that time, he thought life was sweet, and he was living well until the news of the Wei family’s defeat arrived.
The Wei family, except for Wei Yun, had all died in Baidi Valley.
He didn’t want to tell Chu Yu, but she still heard the news. That night, she did not return to her room; she stood in the courtyard, unable to sleep all night.
He wrapped himself in a robe and stood in the corridor, mocking her, “What are you doing? It’s not your husband who died; why are you putting on such a show?”
“I owe him,” Chu Yu said, eyes closed, her voice choked with emotion. “Wei Shizi, I have wronged him.”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng’s anger flared up.
He remembered the young man smiling in the moonlight, remembered Wei Jun’s glory. This man, born with brilliance and dying with honor, he knew very well that Chu Yu had never met him. If she had met him, she probably wouldn’t have come to Kunyang to find him.
She didn’t come to find him…
So what?
He told himself that it didn’t matter whether Chu Yu liked him or not. He didn’t care, it was irrelevant!
Yet, he still felt a tightness in his chest, the despair and humiliation he felt in Huajing enveloping him. He couldn’t help but rush over, grabbing her and saying, “You go back! What is your relationship with him? What have you done to him?! I am your husband; you go back!”
She didn’t move. He pulled her, and in their struggle, Chu Yu suddenly shook off his hand and shouted, “What do you want to do?!”
He was just a scholar, and even if he had some skills, they were nothing compared to Chu Yu’s true strength.
He was thrown to the ground, crashing against the door, gasping in pain. Chu Yu stood frozen, and Gu Chusheng panted slightly. Chu Yu looked a bit flustered. “I’m sorry… I…”
“What do you mean by ‘sorry’?”
Gu Chusheng let out a cold laugh, his fists clenched. A wave of immense humiliation engulfed him. He pushed himself to stand and mocked, “You might as well reminisce about your fiancé who died in Baidi Valley. If you miss him so much, I can send you a divorce letter. You two can become ghostly partners; it wouldn’t be impossible.”
Upon hearing this, Chu Yu’s face turned pale. Seeing her finally change color brought a sense of relief to Gu Chusheng. He turned away and returned to his room.
Once alone, he realized what he had done.
Why was he so anxious? Why had he lost his composure over Chu Yu?
Panic surged within him, seemingly pointing to one answer. This answer left him in a state of alarm. Unable to contain himself, he overturned the table and retreated against the wall.
He didn’t like Chu Yu.
He thought to himself that he would never like anyone in his lifetime.
—
His interactions with Chu Yu had always been like a needle against a wheat stalk.
Young men are often hot-headed; Chu Yu couldn’t out-argue him, and he couldn’t overpower her.
That was the lowest point in his life. He relied entirely on Chu Yu, who had seen him at his most disheveled—humiliated and subservient, that was a common occurrence.
He had once cried alone at night, and it was Chu Yu who forcibly opened the door and held him in her arms, allowing him to weep freely.
When he had offended a local gentry and was forced to kneel in apology, it was Chu Yu who rushed into the courtyard, fighting others until she was covered in blood, refusing to kneel with her long sword in hand, telling him, “Gu Chusheng, stand up.”
Chu Yu called him spineless, and he hated her for causing trouble without understanding the situation.
They argued yet relied on each other. She could risk her life for him, and he would go to great lengths for her. They transported supplies together and traversed the Northern Di. When it was cold, he knew she was afraid of the chill, so he would give her extra blankets and hold her close.
She always said it wasn’t necessary, and he would scold her, “Don’t you have any semblance of a woman?”
Later, when he reflected on those times, he realized that despite their arguments, they were actually in love. When he was being hunted as an imperial envoy, she could carry him away, laughing as she said, “See? You still have to rely on me, don’t you?”
He would curse back, “Get lost.”
She stayed with him in the North for five years, helping him rise through the ranks. Wei Yun pacified the North, and he finally returned to Huajing, attaining the position of Minister of Revenue.
By this time, they had been married for nearly five years, yet she still had no children. Others secretly mocked Gu Chusheng, saying he was incapable of fathering a child. In a fit of anger at a banquet, he overturned a colleague’s table, becoming a laughingstock in Huajing.
She knew nothing of this, happily taking her medicine every day, wrestling with others in the training grounds, completely lacking the demeanor of a proper Madam Gu.
He searched high and low for a physician and finally found one who told them that her martial arts training was of an extremely Yin nature. While this in itself was not a problem, over the years, she had sustained too many injuries, damaging her constitution. Coupled with her martial arts, it would be difficult for her to conceive. Furthermore, if this continued, the imbalance of Yin and Yang would likely lead to chronic ailments in the future.
After much hesitation, he finally said to her, “You should give up your martial arts.”
She was taken aback and then scolded him, “You’re crazy.”
“You can’t expect me to live my whole life without a child,” he finally lost his patience and shouted, “In the future, you will be the Minister’s wife. What do you need this martial arts for?! Do you think I can’t protect you, or do you not want me to protect you? The whole of Huajing sees me as a joke; have you ever thought about that?!”
Chu Yu remained silent, her back turned to him. He could sense the sadness in her voice. After a long pause, she slowly said, “I just feel that… everyone should have their own life.”
Her words pierced him. He didn’t know how to respond. Hearing her say that made him feel frightened. He coldly replied, “You don’t need your own life; you just need to be a good Madam Gu.”
She remained silent, and his anxiety grew. Unable to hold back, he said, “If you don’t want to be, someone else will take your place.”
“Then let someone else come!”
Chu Yu suddenly raised her voice, turning around with a dagger at her waist, coldly stating, “I want to see who dares to come!”
“Fine,” Gu Chusheng nodded, “Just wait. Do you think you’re something special? Do you think this Gu residence only has you as a woman?!”
After saying this, he stormed out, running wildly through the capital until he encountered Chu Jin.
Chu Jin was dressed in women’s clothing, a silver hairpin atop her head. Over the years, she seemed unchanged. She turned to him and called out, “Brother Chusheng.”
That one call awakened him; for the first time, he realized he had truly returned.
He, Gu Chusheng, had finally come back from the mud, and he finally had the ability to bring back that delicate flower.
Chu Jin seemed to be his lifelong obsession. He smiled gently, feeling a sense of determination.
—
He decided to marry Chu Jin, and this time, she did not resist; instead, she flattered him.
In contrast to Chu Yu’s fierceness, the gentle and lovely Chu Jin was the perfect understanding flower. He enjoyed chatting with Chu Jin and began to appreciate life outside.
Engagement, name inquiry, auspicious dates, and wedding preparations…
He turned his back on Chu Yu and quietly arranged everything. On the day the wedding date was set, Chu Yu suddenly returned home with a pale face. They hadn’t spoken in a long time, and he thought she had learned about his intention to marry Chu Jin. To his surprise, she suddenly said to him, “Chusheng, let’s make up.”
Gu Chusheng was momentarily taken aback. Chu Yu stepped forward, embraced him, and softly said, “I heard what they said about you. It’s my fault. I’ll find a master to waste my martial arts. Chusheng, I will be a good Madam Gu; I won’t let anyone laugh at you anymore.”
Gu Chusheng remained silent. After a long time, he held her and slowly said, “Don’t be afraid.” He didn’t know what else to say; he just held her cold body, his voice hoarse as he said, “From now on, I will protect you.”
He postponed the wedding date, as if nothing had happened.
Chu Jin did not rush him; she even leisurely waited for him. He asked Chu Jin where she got such confidence. Chu Jin smiled slightly, “Brother Chusheng, how strange you are. Isn’t this confidence given by you?”
“What you want,” she placed her hand on his chest, her expression gentle, “which one have you not obtained? It’s just a moment of pity; can you pity her for a lifetime? Sister is Brother Chusheng’s wife; when I enter the family, she won’t mind. After all, she likes you, doesn’t she?”
She liked him, so she would tolerate him. If she didn’t tolerate him, it meant she didn’t like him enough.
He didn’t know when this had become his consistent logic; he was always testing her feelings for him, over and over again.
So he pulled her hand down and nodded, “You’re right.”
He and Chu Yu spent a period of time that felt like a newlywed life. Chu Yu’s health improved, and she finally became pregnant.
At that time, Chu Yu was very happy. She didn’t provoke him; whatever he said, she cheerfully accepted. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything harsh.
He watched her make clothes for the child, seeing her clumsy yet gentle demeanor, and felt something fill his heart. Sometimes they both tried to make clothes for the child, but neither of them knew how to sew, and neither could do it well.
Chu Yu’s belly grew day by day, and he forgot everything, focusing solely on waiting for the child’s birth.
His joy infected everyone; all the officials in the court congratulated him, except Wei Yun. One day, while chatting with other colleagues about fatherhood, Wei Yun passed by and calmly said, “A base person is worthy of being a father?”
This remark chilled his expression. He stared at Wei Yun and calmly asked, “What does Lord Wei mean by this?”
“With a pregnant wife at home, you still have a beautiful confidante outside,” Wei Yun said with mockery in his eyes. “If Madam Gu knew about this, I wonder if she would regret coming all the way to save such a heartless wretch.”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng’s face changed dramatically.
What he hated most was when people brought up the time Chu Yu eloped to save him.
He curled his lips in a sneer and retorted, “Didn’t she also leave to come here? Lord Wei, can you blame me for that?”
“My brother can’t keep a person?” Wei Yun looked at him with a disdainful expression, as if he couldn’t be bothered to glance at him. “If you let Chu Yu meet my brother once, would she still come looking for you, this scoundrel?”
As he spoke, Wei Yun let out a cold laugh, “Truly blind.”
This remark left Gu Chusheng nearly breathless. Just as he was about to say something, a servant rushed over to inform him that Chu Yu had gone into premature labor.
He hurried home, hearing Chu Yu shouting inside. He anxiously paced back and forth, scolding the servants, “How could you not watch over the Madam?! How could you let her end up like this?!”
“Sir,” the steward finally couldn’t hold back and spoke softly, “The Madam knows about Lady Jin.”
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng’s mind went blank.
He opened his mouth but couldn’t utter a word.
9
After Chu Yu gave birth, he went to see her.
She looked very weak, and he stood by her side, not daring to say a word. After a long while, he finally sat beside her, took her hand, and softly said, “You’ve worked hard.”
Chu Yu opened her eyes wearily. Her gaze was cold as she replied, “Let go.”
“It’s fine,” he forced a smile, “I’m just keeping you company.”
“Filthy.” She spat out another word. Gu Chusheng shook his head gently and said, “I don’t think it’s filthy.”
Chu Yu stared at him quietly. After a long time, she finally explained, “You’re filthy.”
Gu Chusheng’s smile froze.
He looked at Chu Yu, whose eyes held an unmistakable disgust. He fell silent for a moment as something surged within him.
Suddenly, he laughed.
“Do you regret it?” he asked her.
She closed her eyes, her expression weary. He laughed again, “You regret it, don’t you? You shouldn’t have chosen me, shouldn’t have been with me. You should have married Wei Jun or even Wei Yun; that would have been better.”
“But he’s dead!” Gu Chusheng stood up, laughing maniacally, “He’s dead! You have no way out, Chu Yu. You’re destined to be with me for the rest of your life, do you know that?!”
Chu Yu said nothing. Her eyes trembled, tears welling up, making her look utterly pitiful.
He felt those tears gouging into his heart, causing him both pain and despair, yet there was a hint of joy in this self-inflicted suffering. It made him feel that Chu Yu was responding to him.
“Since you like Chu Jin,” she rasped, “then why marry me?”
“Since you want to marry her,” each of her words carried a sob, “then why not let me go?”
Let her go.
Of course, he wouldn’t let her go.
In his mind, a monstrous beast roared, demanding to know—why should he let her go?
She married him and bore his child. For this lifetime and the next, she would always be Gu Chusheng’s wife.
But he didn’t want to say these things; he feared that voicing them would reflect his own disheveled heart.
So he spoke calmly, “Wasn’t it you who asked for this?”
“Chu Yu,” he said softly, “you will always be Madam Gu. I will take care of you for a lifetime.”
Chu Yu remained silent. She chuckled softly, “Madam Gu?” Then, suddenly opening her eyes, she used all her strength to throw the cup beside her at him, shouting, “I don’t care!”
The cup struck him, leaving him bloodied, much like this tumultuous relationship.
Both of them struggled, bloodied and bruised, and he didn’t even know where it all went wrong.
—
10
He married Chu Jin, initially intending for her to be a secondary wife, but in the end, she remained just a favored concubine.
Chu Jin smiled sweetly at him, saying, “Being a favored concubine is fine, as long as I’m in charge of the inner courtyard.”
So he went to ask Chu Yu if she would be willing to relinquish her authority over the household. At that moment, he thought that if she just softened her stance, it would be enough.
But she didn’t. Holding the child, she directly told Chang Yue, “Hand over all the account books and keys.”
She didn’t even glance at him.
After the child was born, she never spoke to him again. Unless necessary, she wouldn’t even appear in the same place as him. He could clearly sense her deep-seated hatred; it seemed that in Chu Yu’s life, there was only that child, and he was insignificant.
He wanted her to talk to him, so he constantly sought her out, forcing her to give up the master bedroom for Chu Jin, reprimanding her in front of the servants. She rarely responded, except when it came to her child. However, her counterattacks were always sharp and venomous. She knew all his past misfortunes and would openly speak of his disgrace in front of others, watching him seethe with anger, which seemed to delight her.
They hurt each other desperately, yet unlike their youth, there was no space for healing.
One night, he got drunk, missing her terribly. So he secretly went to see her. He found her holding the child, gentle and complete.
“Yan Qing,” she said, “from now on, your mother and you will form a family. We won’t need anyone else, okay?”
The child giggled, while he felt as if he were plunging into an ice cave.
No one else? Did that mean he wouldn’t be needed either?
Suddenly, he hated that child. He felt as if the child had taken everything from him. In a fit of madness, he rushed over and snatched the child away.
“Chu Jin needs a child,” he said calmly, “let her raise him.”
Finally, she reacted, attacking him like a madwoman. He had the servants hold her down and took the child away.
He handed the child over to Chu Jin. The next day, when he woke up, he felt exhausted. He suddenly didn’t want to deal with her anymore, so he stopped asking about her. He thought that if things continued like this, he could live his life without her. Until Chang Yue was punished.
She knelt before him, crying uncontrollably, finally begging him.
However, what she begged for was indeed a divorce letter.
After all this time, after so many years, she finally wanted to leave him—for a servant.
He couldn’t help but laugh in anger. He wanted to ask her, what did he mean to her? How much did he weigh in her heart? Just a servant could make her want to leave him?
He wanted to teach her a lesson, but unexpectedly, that servant died.
When he learned of Chang Yue’s death, he felt a moment of panic. He hurried to Chu Yu’s room, only to find her kneeling in the room, holding a sword.
Her expression was dazed and lifeless. He stood at the door, cautiously calling out to her.
“Madam.”
Chu Yu didn’t respond. After a long time, she lowered her head, stroking the sword, and calmly said, “Sir, the letter from Qianyang’s mother has arrived. She’s unwell and needs someone to take care of her. I will go.”
Gu Chusheng was slightly taken aback. He couldn’t say anything for a long time, and finally, he said—“Alright.”
—
11
She left.
He thought, perhaps this wasn’t a bad thing. After being entangled for so long, he was tired.
After all… he didn’t like her.
People who were irrelevant could leave without a second thought.
Yet he couldn’t help but think, if she came back begging for mercy, then let her return.
After all, she was Yan Qing’s mother, his wife.
He waited for her to plead for mercy, but she seemed to have vanished in Qianyang.
She hadn’t sent him a single letter.
Her husband, her child, seemed to have nothing to do with her anymore.
At first, he would feel angry, but later that anger turned into coldness, and he remained at a standstill with her.
After many years of stalemate, she finally sent him a letter. That letter was mixed in with many others, and no one reminded him specifically. By the time he saw it, a long time had passed. It was her request, saying she wanted to return to see her father.
He looked at those words and laughed.
Not looking for her husband, not looking for her child, only thinking of her father?
So he rejected her.
He waited for her to say the right answer.
However, after a long time, he finally received another letter from her.
“I am gravely ill, nearing the end. I only wish to see my parents one last time to fulfill my remaining wish. I hope you will remember our past friendship and do not obstruct me any longer.”
Looking at this letter, he thought, what trick was Chu Yu playing this time?
Yet he knew very well that what Chu Yu said might be true.
If she weren’t seriously ill, given her temperament, if she wanted to see him, she would have come without needing his permission.
He prepared his horse overnight and sent a memorial to the palace. Chu Jin brought Yan Qing over and asked, “Sir, is something wrong?”
Gu Chusheng replied coldly, “Chu Yu is ill and wants to see her family. I’m bringing her back.”
Chu Jin was taken aback for a moment, then lowered her gaze, “I will go.”
“What do you want to do?”
He frowned. This time, Chu Jin had lost her smile. She brushed her hair back and said calmly, “If she can’t return to Huajing, she should at least see her family.”
Gu Chusheng said nothing and finally agreed.
He rode through the night, not stopping. When he arrived at the residence, he first changed his clothes. However, in the brief moment it took to change, she had already left.
When he arrived, he only received her words: if she were to be reborn, she wished to have no more entanglements with him.
He trembled as he held her tightly, refusing to let go.
—
12
Many things are only recognized as important once they are lost.
Many people are only recognized as loved once they leave.
After she left, he spent twenty years gradually admitting that he loved her.
In the end, he died for her and the marriage contract with the Wei family, under Wei Yun’s sword.
Then he was reborn. He thought he would start anew with Chu Yu, but unexpectedly, those he had missed were forever missed.
He had hated, despaired, and acted without scruples, but in the end, he finally understood that love was merely a one-sided affair.
He took all the blame for Wei Yun, becoming the traitor.
After the Chu army achieved a great victory, he was imprisoned by the ministers.
He should have died, but Wei Yun and the princess protected him, allowing him to continue as the Prime Minister.
At first, the world was filled with curses, but gradually, they lessened.
He dedicated his life to the country and the people, never marrying, never taking a concubine, and never engaging in romantic affairs.
Even though he was scorned his entire life, when recorded in history, they did not forget to write him in bold strokes as a traitor. However, most of the people of the court respected him.
Because he opened the city gates and saved millions of citizens in Huajing, this was something the people understood better than anyone.
The rain gradually lessened. After speaking with Gu Yanqing, he felt a bit tired.
He returned to bed and lay down to sleep. Gu Yanqing took the medicine bowl outside. His wife stood at the door and, seeing him come out, couldn’t help but sigh, “Your father mentioned that elusive wife of his again, didn’t he?”
Gu Yanqing nodded, feeling helpless, “He’s old and forgetful. Back then, he climbed up from Kunyang alone; where was there any help from a wife? My father… I wonder when he will finally wake up.”
Gu Chusheng lay in bed, listening to Gu Yanqing’s words, and couldn’t help but smile.
They all thought he was confused, but he knew he wasn’t confused at all.
He remembered clearly.
He loved that person, his wife, who lived in his mind and heart for a lifetime.
You see, even to this day, he could vividly recall— that girl riding a horse, lifting the curtain of his carriage in the night rain, and saying loudly, “Gu Chusheng, don’t be afraid. I’m here to take you home.”
In this lifetime, he loved the common people, loved the beautiful mountains and rivers, loved the vast lands of Da Chu, and the majestic landscapes.
But the one he loved the most was that girl.
He had been awkward his entire life, anxious his entire life, feeling both inferior and proud, restless yet persistent. In the end, he finally had to admit—he liked her, only her.