In the blink of an eye it was August, and Qiqian’er’s belly had grown quite round. She’d carried well — no blemishes on her face at all — and combined with how Chief Guard Alley’s Wang Nü had turned out, word outside was that a daughter dresses up her mother, so she must surely be carrying a girl.
Qiqian’er herself couldn’t care less either way, but the constant stream of people showing up with red flowers and green baby jackets was starting to get on her nerves. Even that Prince of the Second Rank back in Yanjing had prepared several boxes of little flower beads, waiting to give them to his granddaughter to play with.
Of course, compared to her past life, the strange sort of fortune surrounding this pregnancy was quite different this time around.
For a commoner woman, carrying a pregnancy was usually a bellyful of bitterness — even craving a particular food was a luxury.
Just like in her past life, when Qiqian’er had been pregnant — the household had no income, no money in the coffers, her husband off at the border, with a harsh, petty Fourth Aunt living to her left who’d taken advantage of her, and to her right an old lady who genuinely cared about her deep down but whose words always came out far uglier than her intentions.
That was the thing about growing old and coming to your senses — you always end up muttering the same regrets: why was I so foolish back then, letting them treat me so meanly without daring to talk back?
And so you spend the rest of your life regretting it, wasting decades resisting it all in your heart — she said this, why didn’t I say that back; she treated me that way, why didn’t I dare get back at her?
Slowly, right up until the moment of death, you look back and think: ah, why did I waste my whole life on this? Why was I so foolish?
Qiqian’er no longer dwelled on such things now, but she still carried enough old wounds in her heart — not resentment from this life, but petty grievances resurfacing from her past one.
Even knowing every principle, understanding every outcome, having defeated every villain — she still found herself getting angry anyway. There was no reasoning to be had about it.
In her past life, pregnant with An’er, she’d gone without so much. No matter — this life, with money in hand, she’d indulge herself to death.
Just past Quanhou Street lay the long stretch of Qingfeng Street, lined with food stalls, and any good food to be found there, she was sure to collect. Whether she ate it or not didn’t matter — she just wanted it displayed there, proof that she had it.
The cabinet by her heated platform bed genuinely needed clearing out every two days, or it would surely attract bugs.
Though bird’s nest and fish maw were common gifts from the palace and the princely estates, Qiqian’er didn’t even care for them. Out of sheer contrariness, she instead kept a steady supply of crisp cucumbers — still sporting their little flower-tipped ends — at two coins a catty, never far from her mouth.
“Such a fuss over nothing — who doesn’t know how to have a baby? You think you’re birthing a dragon prince or something? Wanting to eat cucumbers — who’s stopping you? Go buy them yourself!”
That was Madam Qiao’s exact words, spoken after she’d been stingy with the silver Chen Dasheng had sent home. She’d promised to take good care of the young wife while her husband was away, yet turned on a dime, unwilling to even spare two coins to buy her a catty of cucumbers.
And then, for decades afterward, Qiqian’er had wanted to strangle herself over it — what was wrong with spending your own family’s money? Couldn’t she have just asked outright — Fourth Aunt, doesn’t it weigh on your conscience, spending my family’s few hundred taels?
Why had it felt so suffocating back then?
What could she possibly have done to you? She was already thoroughly petty and mean anyway — you might as well have waved a noose around outside her door, let everyone lose face together, at least it wouldn’t have felt so miserable to bear alone.
Thinking of this, Qiqian’er felt a flash of old resentment stir, and she picked up a cucumber stick prepared beside her and gave it a vicious crunch.
Ever since she’d developed this craving for cucumbers, the household servants went to the estate farm every day to handpick ones with the flower-tip still attached, fresh and tender, straight and well-shaped, to slice into sticks for her.
Any cucumber with the slightest bend or irregular shape wasn’t touched anymore these days.
A proper household madam — even eating cucumbers now came with its share of manpower and resources spent.
“…Fourth Madam, don’t you think that’s the truth of it? The same kind of daughter-in-law, the same kind of son, four eggs between us — why can’t we each get two? Isn’t that just bullying?”
The round-bellied woman set down the old clothes she’d been unpicking, eyes brimming with tears as she looked to Qiqian’er.
Qiqian’er, pulled somewhat out of her own tangled thoughts, nodded along without much resistance. “Ah, well, that’s not wrong either.”
Having gotten the answer she wanted, the young wife sighed with relief, then rubbed her belly and grew upset all over again. “Isn’t this just bullying, though?”
Ever since Qiqian’er had gotten pregnant, she’d taken a liking to spending time with other expecting women — mainly because the things they talked about were all the same, and the hardships they faced were all similar too. So these days, Chang Lianfang’s little garden had become a regular gathering spot for the round-bellied wives of Six Ministries Alley, ostensibly to admire the flowers and unwind, but really just to grumble about life’s various frustrations.
By rights, as wives of officials’ households, family troubles shouldn’t be aired outside the home — but apparently there existed a category of person known as “pregnant women,” for whom things once tolerable suddenly became unbearable the moment they conceived, for reasons no one could quite explain. In short, there was always some grievance or another.
Qiqian’er mostly just listened. Zhang Wanru and Madam Chai had never experienced this kind of hardship either, and came along mostly out of curiosity, generally staying quiet.
Aside from Ding Yuniang, none of the other wives in Chief Guard Alley had a mother-in-law to deal with, so this kind of conflict was rare among them — but plenty of other households dealt with it constantly.
Shutting your door and living your own life — big grievances, small grievances — it was all more or less the same in the end.
Since Chen Dasheng had left, Qiqian’er had gone through a few unhappy months, but ever since joining this little gossip circle, set against the backdrop of everyone else’s misfortunes, she’d oddly found herself feeling rather content — and had even shamelessly started dispensing advice to others.
Today’s gathering of round-bellied women was small, just four: Qiqian’er, Zhang Wanru, Madam Chai, and the complaining young wife, surnamed Ding — the second daughter-in-law of Qian-Lü Shi, who’d fled here together with them during the war.
Lü Shi had fled with her son and daughter following the army; later, after her husband died, she’d relied on the Chen family’s protection to secure a large house on Quanhou Street, and through selling water had built up some family savings, even purchasing a small three-hundred-mu estate outside the city.
Within Chief Guard Alley, her family would certainly count as poor, but outside the alley, it was a fairly respectable household. Her two sons weren’t particularly clever, showing no great promise in their studies, but they dressed well and mingled at the study hall, passing as a household of some standing.
The Qian family had observed mourning around the same time as Qiqian’er; when Qiqian’er’s mourning ended, so did theirs. Qian-Lü Shi had no great talents to speak of, only frugality and thrift.
Yet on that alone, she’d managed to hold the family together. Once her two sons finished mourning, they’d quickly married daughters from modest households in Qingfeng City — and to save money, married both sons off on the same day to save on costs. The two new wives had ended up pregnant around the same time as well.
With no husband to lean on, Qian-Lü Shi had grown just as stingy as the old lady once was, and just as unable to treat her daughters-in-law fairly — tensions gradually built up within the household.
Lü Shi’s elder son was awkward with words, while the second was sweet-tongued and had married a wife whose mouth dripped honey too — which left the elder couple having a harder time of it.
Within this little circle, Madam Ding always played the role of chief complainer.
Qiqian’er, lost in her own thoughts, hadn’t really registered what the young wife was even complaining about — in short, she hadn’t been paying attention at all.
Zhang Wanru, whose belly was also fairly large by now, noticed Qiqian’er’s automatic agreement and gave her sleeve a quiet tug. Only then did Qiqian’er snap back to attention, glancing at Zhang Wanru, then at the tearful young wife — oh dear, she’d just gotten Madam Lü into trouble.
She quickly cleared her throat. “Ah, well, Big Jiao’s wife — if I were you, I wouldn’t bother getting worked up over this.”
Madam Lü was rather amusing that way — her two sons’ childhood names were Big Jiao and Second Jiao, which sounded quite pampered, though in truth she hadn’t spoiled either of them much, raising them rather roughly.
Madam Ding blinked, looking up at Qiqian’er, confused as to why the Fourth Madam wasn’t taking her side. “Why is that?”
Qiqian’er thought back on her own experience and offered something less than comforting. “Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn’t bother fighting over these little scraps at all. As the old saying goes, the palm and the back of the hand are both flesh — but one’s held close while the other’s exposed, and that’s a real difference.
“Besides, your mother-in-law has had it hard too. Your father-in-law passed, leaving her a widow, scraping together a living from renting rooms and selling water — and in one go she married off both of you, and now she’s got to save a dowry for your sister-in-law on top of that. She can’t afford to spend freely, and it’s not realistic to expect generosity from her…”
What else could Qiqian’er say? If she treats you badly, are you going to hoard these grievances and take revenge once she’s old?
Zhang Wanru rolled her eyes at how harsh that sounded — she’d have to smooth things over now — so she added, “Big Jiao’s wife, what your Fourth Madam says makes sense, but there’s another side to it you should know too.”
The group of pregnant women all turned to Zhang Wanru, who said with a smile, “Eggs go for three coins a pair at the market. If I were you, I wouldn’t get worked up over three coins — it’s not worth it! It’s not like you don’t have a dowry. No big money, sure, but don’t you have three coins to spare?”
If you’re upset your mother-in-law won’t give you eggs, just buy your own and eat them — stop expecting handouts, and you won’t have so much to be angry about.
Lü Shi had always bragged outside that her elder daughter-in-law had brought ten mu of prime farmland as dowry, which was rented out for income — surely this Madam Ding wasn’t entirely without private funds? However poor, could she really not spare three coins? Why bother making an issue of the old lady’s stinginess over something so small?
Fairness — where in this world was there ever true fairness? She’d love for her mother-in-law to just divide up the household assets, yet here she was, pitifully facing her second month of confinement still having to rely on her own mother’s family for help.
Hearing Zhang Wanru’s words, Madam Ding’s face flushed red. She had a bit of a guilty conscience, and before long stood up awkwardly and left.
Once she was out of sight, Zhang Wanru turned to Qiqian’er with a smile. “If I were you, sister-in-law, I wouldn’t waste so many words on her.”
Qiqian’er finally understood now, and sheepishly grabbed another cucumber stick to gnaw on, grumbling, “I was distracted, okay? Honestly though — four eggs, what’s wrong with splitting them two and two? The favoritism’s so obvious, and I can’t even say so?”
Zhang Wanru wasn’t about to let her off easy. “Who doesn’t like hearing something nice? Second Jiao’s wife hovers around her mother-in-law all day — even with just a few slices of meat in her bowl, she’ll ask first, ‘Mother, do you have any in your bowl? Don’t go without for my sake, please eat!’
“Tsk~ listen to how pleasing that sounds! Whether she actually gets any is a separate matter, but at least she says something sweet! But this one here, with that attitude of hers, going on about eldest sons and legitimate grandsons — our family’s children all grew up running wild on their own, not one of them ever got fussed over by a grandmother. Whether you get treated as precious depends on how you carry yourself — you can’t just declare yourself precious! Otherwise you’ll only make yourself miserable.
“Constantly complaining about this ache or that itch — oh, just because you’re pregnant, you think you’re some kind of ancestor now? Don’t think so highly of yourself. Aunt Lü’s actually gotten much better these past two years — you ask me, back in our grandmother’s generation, how many of them were pushovers?”
Madam Chai, who rarely spoke much, looked up with a smile. “That one’s no pushover either — we’re just the foolish ones. I didn’t used to realize it, genuinely thought she had nothing and was constantly being wronged. But look — she goes around peddling her mother-in-law and sister-in-law drama everywhere. You want to know if what she unpicked today was even ripe for reuse?”
Qiqian’er hadn’t paid much attention to such things, especially being particularly scatterbrained these past two months. She shook her head.
Madam Chai laughed lightly. “Dingxiang’s mother-in-law’s old skirt — she’s already turned it into diapers for her baby. Now tell me if that woman’s capable or not!”
Qiqian’er burst out laughing at that — truly, quite the capable one.
Different people, different ways of getting by. Madam Ding might seem dull and awkward at home, but out and about she was plenty sharp — she lived somewhere decent, and knew how to go around complaining, drumming up sympathy from these wealthier madams, all to build a little rapport, maybe squeeze out some small favor along the way.
You couldn’t really call her a bad person for it, either — it was just the instinctive mindset of a young wife from a modest household: wanting your sympathy, hoping to slip through the cracks for a small advantage, hoping to get closer to you by currying favor. You understood things she didn’t, so all she could do was share her family’s little troubles with you.
Only people like Zhang Wanru and her circle had the habit of keeping family matters private. As for Qiqian’er — well, she’d lived through two lifetimes’ worth of experience on the matter.
Really, though, talking about it never did much good — if your husband doesn’t cherish you, hanging yourself won’t change that; if your mother-in-law is petty and harsh, no matter how well you behave, she’ll remain petty regardless. You can only change yourself — that’s the only way to make life a little more bearable. Whatever else, at the very least, you had to stand on your own two feet.
Before Qiqian’er finished laughing, Jixiang’s wife appeared at the edge of the little garden.
Qiqian’er glanced at the sky and laughed. “I haven’t even had a moment’s peace — what now?”
Jixiang’s wife said, “Madam, that old woman Shi from Fourth Master’s household has gone to see the old madam.”
“Fourth Household?” It had been ages since there’d been any news from that side. Qiqian’er quickly sat up, supporting her belly, and let Siyue help her into the bamboo sedan chair.
It wasn’t far at all, but even for those few steps, the household wouldn’t let her walk on her own anymore.
Arriving at the old residence, Qiqian’er had barely stepped into the main hall when she heard Old Woman Shi wailing, “Ever since our lady got pregnant with this one, she’s had terrible morning sickness — throws up everything she eats, wasted down to skin and bones. It got so bad, we called the doctor in again yesterday, and he says it’s twins…”
“Oh! Pregnant again? What wonderful news.” Qiqian’er glided into the room with a bright smile, bowed properly to the visibly displeased old lady, then climbed onto the heated platform bed. “More children is a blessing — why are you crying?”
Old Woman Shi was quite afraid of Qiqian’er, and upon seeing her didn’t dare cry anymore, only whimpering, “Our… our lady can’t eat a thing. In this August heat, everything’s so scarce, nothing’s available to buy, so, so she sent me back to ask the old madam if there’s any bird’s nest around — we don’t dare ask for a whole batch, even broken bits would do. Fourth Madam, please, just help our lady get through this stretch somehow.”
To hell with the lot of you — just seeing this family made Qiqian’er’s blood boil. A flash of anger surged up, and she slapped the table, spitting out a curse. “What do you mean ‘our lady’? What lady? Some good-for-nothing who can’t even show her face in decent company…”
The door curtain rustled at the entrance. Qiqian’er, thinking of how Xique’s expression might sour at this, lowered her voice and muttered, “Just say it plain — she’s pregnant with twins again and feeling delicate, why go through all this roundabout nonsense? Aren’t you all tired?”
The old lady nodded. “Exactly.”
If this one turned out to be a boy this time, poor Lanting Ge’er’s position would hardly be worth anything anymore.
The more she thought about it, the angrier Qiqian’er got, and she scoffed sarcastically, “Who doesn’t know how to have a baby? You think you’re birthing a dragon prince or something? Wanting to eat bird’s nest — who’s stopping you? Go buy it yourself!”
The moment she said it, she felt a wave of satisfaction wash over her, life suddenly feeling much more complete.
But the sharpness of her own words startled the old lady, and seeing the whole room staring at her, Qiqian’er quickly cleared her throat and added, “What I mean is — if you’d come today just wanting some fruits and vegetables from the estate, would I have said a word? We’ve got plenty of that at home.”
The room let out a collective breath of relief. Right, of course — their Fourth Madam was always so reasonable; she’d never really be this harsh.
Though… didn’t that speech sound a bit like something Madam Qiao would say?
Qiqian’er glared at Old Woman Shi. “How old is the old madam, anyway? We’re not even asking you all to support her in her old age, but there’s no need for some official’s household to come skimming favors off the old madam every time something comes up, dumping every little problem on her. Two children, left here from such a young age — old and young, we raised them up together, and now — bah! Pregnant again, so what? Have you people no shame left at all?”
The old lady, for her part, wasn’t even angry about this anymore. She peeked out into the courtyard, saw Xique properly practicing her calligraphy in the shade, and nodded with a smile, then pointed to a plate of peaches on the table.
She truly had let it go.
Yiyue carried the peaches out with a smile, and as the plate passed by Qiqian’er, she reached out and grabbed one, munching as she continued scolding. “It’s not that we’re stingy — well, fine, say I am stingy! But do you know, at the finest dried-goods shops in Yanjing, top-grade bird’s nest scraps only cost three to five strings of cash? Is your household really short on three or five strings?
“Never mind how much Fourth Uncle’s salary is — let’s just talk about that lawsuit with the Yang family. Fourth Uncle walked away with thirty thousand strings from that case alone, and how long did it take to spend it all? You’re telling me you’re short a few taels’ worth of bird’s nest scraps?
“Our men are all serving in Yanjing, and we’ve heard plenty about how money gets spent over there. Fourth Uncle gifted his superior a jade ornament worth five hundred strings at the start of the year, then this year bought a small boat out in the Yanjing suburbs to entertain colleagues — that boat alone cost six hundred strings. Then he had it refitted, spending another hundred-odd strings on top of that…”
Before Qiqian’er could finish, Old Woman Shi suddenly burst into loud wailing. She’d never been a particularly composed person — just some odd-job servant Madam Qiao had picked up along the way — and she muttered something unintelligible through her sobs. The old lady, at a loss, finally said with a wry laugh, “Alright, stop crying. I’m the one who’s stuck dealing with this. Someone go check the storeroom, see if there’s any bird’s nest left, find her some. Oh, and send along some fruits and vegetables from the estate too, since she’s expecting…”
It was the old lady’s own estate, after all — gifts from her godsons and grandsons and blood grandchildren, given out of filial devotion. If she wanted to give some away, Qiqian’er had no grounds to object.
Old Woman Shi feared Qiqian’er most of all, and once she’d gotten what she came for, she fled as if flying.
Once Old Woman Shi was gone, the old lady braced herself, waiting for Qiqian’er to scold her too.
But today Qiqian’er, oddly enough, didn’t bother. Instead she took an interest in a few toys Lanting Ge’er had left on the bed, tossing a cloth ball back and forth.
Unable to bear the suspense any longer, the old lady finally asked awkwardly, “Why aren’t you scolding me today?”
“Her? She’s out of steam already. Let me tell you — that one over there genuinely doesn’t have three to five strings of cash to her name right now.”
Madam Kou from the Second Household, who’d apparently been listening for a while, seeing no outsiders left, brought her own daughter into the room. The girl was raised dark-skinned and chubby, sturdy in the legs — walked earliest of all the children, but was slowest to talk, a quietly mischievous little thing.
The chubby girl adored Qiqian’er, her “fragrant auntie,” and threw herself at her the moment she saw her, startling the old lady half out of her seat. Fortunately Madam Kou was used to this — without even glancing over, she bent down and scooped the little troublemaker up under one arm without a second thought.
The naughty child struggled fiercely, and her mother, unbothered, gave her bottom a firm smack. The old lady used to intervene in the past, but these days she didn’t bother at all.
The dark-skinned girl didn’t cry, just hung there limp as a dead cat on a tree branch, legs dangling motionless.
Madam Kou said flatly, “She’s faking it!” and everyone burst out laughing.
Pointing at her own chubby daughter, she said, “Woke up in the middle of the night yesterday, and when I reached over I nearly died of fright — couldn’t find her anywhere in the room! The whole household lit candles and searched everywhere — guess where she turned up? Ha! On top of the storage cabinet, snoring away! I’m baffled — how did she even get up there? Is this child secretly a monkey wearing human skin?”
Everyone burst out laughing, and the little girl, unable to keep up her act, looked up giggling too.
Madam Kou handed the child off to a servant to go play, and once they’d left, she turned to the old lady. “A’Nai, starting today, whatever money’s in your hands, just consider it savings for Xique and Lanting Ge’er. Don’t worry — the rest of us all have plenty to eat and drink, we’re not counting on your bit of savings.”
Madam Kou was simply better at handling people than Qiqian’er. The old lady nodded, touched, then shot Qiqian’er a pouty look.
Madam Kou held back a laugh. “Qian’er’s got a whole household to manage — you still expect her to have a sweet temper on top of that? Let me tell you, my Fourth Uncle’s household — the money in Fourth Uncle’s hands has absolutely nothing to do with Madam Qiao. Forget his own children — even you couldn’t touch a cent of it. Though it’s just as well there’s no connection, since Fourth Uncle’s timid and plays it safe, keeps his capital intact. But you know, that Madam Qiao — her nerve is something else!”
Qiqian’er loved nothing more than hearing about the Fourth Household’s misfortunes, though she held back her laughter and asked, “What do you mean by that?”
Madam Kou pursed her lips. “This came out when Dayi came back last time — we figured we’d keep it quiet, but who would’ve thought she’d really have no shame at all, even turning around to scheme against an old lady in her seventies.”
Qiqian’er handed Madam Kou one of her beloved cucumber sticks — she was the only one who actually enjoyed the things, no oil, no flavor, who else would want to gnaw on that.
Madam Kou declined without ceremony, and turned to the pale-faced old lady. “A’Nai, you really must watch your things closely. Whatever you give Xique, give Lanting — that’s fine, no complaints there. But that Madam Qiao has some nerve. Give her a mountain of gold, she’ll cause trouble with the gold; give her a sea of silver, she’ll stir up trouble with the silver. That woman’s a wild creature with no bottom to her.
The old lady’s hand trembled slightly. Qiqian’er dropped her cucumber stick and grasped the old lady’s hand firmly. “Don’t be afraid. My father’s right by His Majesty’s side, and I’m here too, and we’ve got our brothers and sisters-in-law. None of this concerns us.”
Madam Kou nodded. “Right, right, none of our concern. Isn’t this the whole business with the Tan people stirring up trouble? All over Yanjing people are saying war’s bound to break out sooner or later, sooner or later! And doesn’t that make silver more valuable? That Madam Qiao, who knows how she got connected to some pawnshop, but she bought up a huge amount of high-priced silver. Just waiting for the Tan to invade so she can cash out.
“I really have to hand it to her, A’Nai — thank goodness she’s not registered in our ancestral hall, or Xique and Lanting would’ve been dragged down with her too.
Heaven bless our Daliang — word came down last month that King Gongjitan has died! Hehe, the Tan people have started fighting amongst themselves again. Now here’s the thing — she bought silver at sixteen hundred coins per tael, and ever since the Tan started fighting each other, one tael can now fetch at most eleven hundred coppers. Not only did she lose everything she put in, she’s racked up a pile of debt on top of it. Fourth Household in Yanjing has creditors banging on the door every single day now — forget bird’s nest… that rat’s nest Madam Qiao can’t even afford to eat these days…”
Qiqian’er hadn’t expected Madam Qiao to still be this reckless, and asked, “So, Fourth Uncle isn’t doing anything about it?”
This time it was the old lady who answered. “Can he manage her? He can’t even manage his own nephew, doesn’t look after his own mother — how’s he supposed to manage her…”
The three women were still chatting away when Jixiang came into the room holding a letter.
Qiqian’er saw the wax seal was her father’s personal stamp and quickly opened it, then let out a long breath.
Seeing the official-looking correspondence, the old lady grew anxious. “Qian’er, what is it? What’s happened?”
Qiqian’er steadied herself, forcing a smile for the old lady. “Nothing’s wrong, A’Nai! Your fourth grandson has taken on a godson, so I’ve gained a godson too.”
She helped the old lady to her feet, pointing toward the courtyard next door. “Congratulations, old lady — you’ve got yourself a great-grandson now!”