Farce at the Wedding

Zhang Zizhan’s research on “flying spirits” had reached the peak of perfection. Before Zhang Zizhan, Er Batou felt very inferior, because aside from his boldness and daring to dig up graves and extract corpses, his other tricks were worth nothing compared to Zhang Zizhan.

Even the normally arrogant San Batou felt he was no match. San Batou had entered the profession two years earlier than Zhang Zizhan and was well-versed in the Four Books and Five Classics, with considerable research into the Five Elements and numerology. But after Zhang Zizhan arrived, he finally understood that in this world, besides the Four Books and Five Classics and yin-yang Five Elements, there was something else called Western learning.

For a long time, Western learning had been looked down upon by the Chinese people, who considered it “clever tricks and lewd skills.” China missed both industrial revolutions. When Westerners were carrying out technical revolutions, the Chinese were still reciting classical texts.

Zhang Zizhan’s arrival opened a window for the hall to view the world. He understood physics, chemistry, and biology, often leaving even Zu Ye confused. Zu Ye was grateful for his own good judgment in recruiting Zhang Zizhan at all costs. Otherwise, wouldn’t he have painfully lost a great talent!

Several months later, Zu Ye moved the hall from the suburbs into Shanghai proper.

Shanghai in 1932 was a world of intoxicating luxury.

The city’s large and small theaters showing films had increased to more than ten, and the competition among various theaters was becoming increasingly fierce. One of the shareholders of the most powerful theater was surnamed Huang, known as Huang Wuye. Huang Wuye placed great importance on feng shui. Every time he selected locations and decorated new theaters, he would hire specialized feng shui masters to consult.

At that time, the most famous fortune-teller in the Jianghuai region was Wei Qianli, known as “Yuan in the South, Wei in the North.” Yuan referred to Yuan Shushan, Wei referred to Wei Qianli. Later, during the Xi’an Incident, when Chiang Kai-shek’s life hung in the balance, Song Meiling specifically sought out Wei Qianli for divination. It was said to be very accurate, and Song Meiling gave him dozens of silver dollars at once.

Zu Ye understood that those people had real skills, while his own were false. To make his own name resound, he could only buy off newspaper companies and make a big fuss in the papers. The publicity gimmick was: “Masters each have their strengths. Wei Qianli excels at Liuren Divine Course, while Zu Ye excels at Iron Plate Divine Numbers and feng shui.” This both praised himself and didn’t belittle others, avoiding criticism.

Actually, over the years Zu Ye had also always wanted to find more masters to learn more genuine I Ching and divination techniques, but unfortunately he was entangled in hall affairs and never had the opportunity.

After several consecutive reports in newspapers, Zu Ye became famous. People who came to pay their respects in admiration formed an endless stream. Zu Ye generally didn’t go out personally. A master had to have a master’s manner. Unless it was an extremely fat mark, he wouldn’t personally act, but if it was a fat mark, even if they didn’t seek Zu Ye, Zu Ye would set his sights on them!

Huang Wuye was a fat mark that Zu Ye had been eyeing for a long time.

Huang Wuye had always wanted Zu Ye to read his fate and feng shui, but Zu Ye always smiled without responding. Zu Ye said, “Huang Siye is an auspicious person with heaven’s protection! Whether you have your fortune told or not, you have the fate of great wealth and nobility!”

Zu Ye understood that this kind of person operated in both legal and illegal worlds. Once he made a mistake, it would cause great trouble, so Zu Ye was waiting for the right opportunity.

In the winter of 1932, the opportunity finally came. Huang Wuye’s youngest daughter was getting married, and an invitation was sent to Zu Ye as well.

Zu Ye accepted the invitation to attend the wedding banquet and brought Er Batou along.

Huang Wuye was arranging an uxorilocal marriage for his daughter—that is, the man would move into the woman’s home, commonly called “marrying in reversed.”

When Huang Wuye saw Zu Ye arrive, he was very pleased. He courteously led Zu Ye into the room and told servants to serve tea. Zu Ye drank a few sips of tea, his expression grave, head lowered, saying nothing.

Seeing this, Huang Wuye quickly asked, “Does Zu Ye have something on his mind?”

Zu Ye hastily said, “Nothing, nothing… Today is a great joyous occasion for Wuye’s household. There are many matters requiring your attention. Wuye, please go about your business. I’ll just drink tea here…”

Seeing that Zu Ye found it inconvenient to speak, Huang Wuye didn’t ask further. He said to the servant, “Take good care of Zu Ye for me.” After speaking, he went out to greet other guests.

After Huang Wuye left, Zu Ye gave Er Batou a meaningful look. “Disciple, see if there’s anything at the residence that needs help and lend a hand.”

Er Batou nodded: “Yes, Zu Ye.”

Hearing this, the servant quickly said, “No need, no need. Zu Ye and his party are honored guests. How could we trouble honored guests to work?”

Zu Ye smiled and waved his hand: “Wuye and I are close friends of many years. His affairs are like my affairs. No need to be polite.”

Er Batou turned and left the room.

An hour later, the groom and bride got into a car. Friends and relatives also boarded cars afterward, and the convoy drove to a church. The wedding was smoothly completed under the supervision of a big-nosed priest. Afterward, everyone rode in cars to the Huang Family Grand Hotel, where Huang Wuye held major shares, and the wedding banquet began.

Huang Wuye was wealthy and powerful, serving Western liquor and premium dishes. Zu Ye, as Huang Wuye’s honored guest, sat at the same table as Huang Wuye.

Soon the newlyweds came over to toast Huang Wuye. Only then did Zu Ye get a close look at the groom—a pretty boy who had previously been an actor. After films were introduced to China, he was discovered by a film company and became an actor. Huang Wuye’s daughter had seen one of his performances in a film and became infatuated with him.

The toast attendant held a tray and filled the newlyweds’ glasses with Western liquor. The pretty boy raised his glass and said emotionally, “Father-in-law, may pines and cranes never age, may your longevity compare to the Southern Mountain. Please father-in-law, drink this cup fully.”

People around gave thumbs up, flattering excessively: “Truly a talented and handsome man! Wuye’s daughter has such good judgment to land such a golden son-in-law!”

Huang Wuye was naturally so pleased his mouth couldn’t close. What he didn’t notice was that Zu Ye was also smiling, and even more happily than him.

After the newlyweds drank a few cups of wine, they went to toast at other tables.

Zu Ye ate slowly, glancing sideways at Er Batou at the neighboring table. Er Batou nodded.

After drinking for another half hour, many people were drunk. Zu Ye noticed the newlyweds had disappeared. After a while, the two returned. They had just sat down for a short time when the woman went out again. When the woman returned, the man went out. This repeated many times. Finally, the two simply came before Huang Wuye and whispered a few sentences. Huang Wuye smiled and said, “If you’re not feeling well, go back first. Go back and rest early.”

Everyone asked, “What’s the matter?”

Huang Wuye smiled and said, “Young people’s affairs—let them do as they please.”

At this moment, a drunk old man, thinking himself clever, said, “Wedding night, achieving success in imperial examinations. In this moment and scene, every moment is worth a thousand gold pieces! Wuye! You should have let your fine son-in-law lead your daughter to withdraw long ago. Haha!”

Everyone roared with laughter. Huang Wuye laughed until tears came out.

After the wedding banquet dispersed, Huang Wuye returned to his residence and asked his daughter and son-in-law what was wrong. His daughter’s cheeks were flushed red, too embarrassed to speak. Finally, it was the son-in-law who stammered and revealed the matter: “Urgent need—can’t stop urinating.”

When Huang Wuye heard, he laughed: “People have three urgent needs. What’s so embarrassing about saying it?”

The son-in-law quickly said, “Can’t stop it.”

Huang Wuye smiled and said, “No harm. Perhaps it’s due to nervousness.”

In the latter half of the night, the lamp in his daughter’s room was still on. The sound of the two newlyweds pacing back and forth on the floor prevented Huang Wuye from sleeping. Huang Wuye felt the matter was serious. He put on his clothes and came out to look. His daughter and son-in-law’s faces were wax yellow, already unable to straighten their backs. Only then did he feel something was wrong. He hurriedly ordered servants to find a Chinese doctor overnight. After the doctor examined them, he looked completely bewildered. He took their pulses and wrote a prescription. The next day, after getting the medicine and drinking it, it still had no effect.

Later, with no other options, they sought Western medicine.

Western medicine arrived in China accompanying the churches. At that time, Chinese people’s suspicion of Western medicine was like current foreigners’ suspicion of Chinese medicine. Chinese herbal medicine had been consumed for thousands of years. Suddenly taking Western pills—ordinary people didn’t have that courage. So the first to encounter Western medicine were lower-class society members. Poor common people considered their lives cheap and had fewer qualms. When they got sick, they went to church hospitals—both cheap and fast. Upper-class figures were different. They had famous doctors serving them, monopolizing the best Chinese medical resources. They disdained the incoming “barbarian medical arts” and were even less willing to use their family members as experiments.

Huang Wuye truly had no other options before steeling himself to find a Western doctor. After examining them, the doctor shrugged his shoulders, at a complete loss. During this time, he even indicated the newlyweds should take off their pants to examine the urinary system. Huang Wuye nearly died of anger—have his daughter strip naked to examine her lower body? Had this doctor’s brain been flooded with water? Finally, with an angry shout, he drove the doctor away.

Stealing a Day from the Immortals

At a complete loss, Huang Wuye suddenly remembered something: when Zu Ye came to the residence to attend the wedding banquet that day, his expression had been grave throughout, as if he had something to say.

Huang Wuye began thinking in the direction of evil portents and crooked ways. Was there something inauspicious on the wedding day? After thinking left and right, he sent people to invite Zu Ye.

After Zu Ye entered and sat down, before Huang Wuye could speak, he spoke first: “Wuye, did the newlyweds develop problems?”

Huang Wuye was startled: “How does Zu Ye know?”

Zu Ye gave a bitter laugh: “Actually, ever since receiving Wuye’s invitation, I’ve been hesitating whether I should tell you.”

Huang Wuye pressed: “Tell me what?”

Zu Ye shook his head: “Alas, your daughter’s joyous day was not a good day. It was bound to bring disease demons and entanglement.”

Huang Wuye was shocked: “Indeed so! That day both newlyweds contracted a strange illness! But… but… the wedding day was also specifically chosen by a fortune-teller. They all selected auspicious days on the almanac. Many people got married on the same day, and no one else had problems!”

Zu Ye said seriously, “The problem lies right here! Pedantic fortune-tellers only know how to copy from texts, misleading people! So-called auspicious almanac days are just common patterns. Applied to each individual person, circumstances differ. People have different birthdays, so their eight characters differ, and the star fates they face and conflicting spirit demons also differ. The same auspicious day, for some people it’s an auspicious day, but for another group of people, it’s an inauspicious day! For example, today is an auspicious almanac day—does that mean everyone in the world has good fortune today? Those who should die still die, those who should fall ill still fall ill. Sun rises in the east, rain in the west—some families rejoice, some families worry. Therefore, superior fortune-tellers all choose to ‘steal days’!”

Huang Wuye asked in confusion, “What does ‘stealing days’ mean?”

Zu Ye said, “‘Stealing days’ is fortune-telling terminology, used most by the blind master lineage. It means selecting a day when conflicting spirit demons are not at home, and secretly holding the wedding. Heavenly gods and earthly ghosts are like human officials—they all have duty hours. If on the wedding day you happen to encounter spirit demons on duty, and they conflict with the star fate of the marrying person, that’s great misfortune. Therefore, masters all choose ‘stolen days’ on the basis of auspicious almanac days. Only this way is it safe. On your daughter’s joyous day, it happened to be the day the Tianpeng Inauspicious Star was on duty. The Tianpeng Star governs the waters of the Heavenly River. If I’m not mistaken, your daughter and her husband must have contracted water calamity!”

Choosing “stolen days” was Zu Ye’s special skill, learned at great cost from a folk blind master. Whenever the hall undertook major business, they always chose “stolen days.” Blind master fortune-telling formed its own school. Their formulas were only transmitted to blind people. These formulas seemed to carry a curse—if sighted people stole and learned this skill, disasters would continuously arise. So in ancient times, some people deliberately used incense smoke to blind their own eyes in order to learn this skill.

These few sentences frightened Huang Wuye until sweat poured from his forehead. He said, “It truly is water calamity, and flowing water at that… Zu Ye should have told me earlier!”

Zu Ye smiled bitterly: “Wuye, it’s not that I deliberately didn’t say anything. When I received your invitation, there were still four days until your daughter’s joyous day. You had already sent out hundreds of invitations. The common saying goes ‘funerals don’t choose time, joyous occasions don’t change dates’—how could it be changed again? Moreover, on the joyous day, if I rashly revealed this matter, wouldn’t I be adding trouble for you?”

Huang Wuye quickly performed a salute and said, “What Zu Ye says is absolutely right.”

Zu Ye said, “Let me examine them first.”

Huang Wuye quickly led Zu Ye to his daughter and son-in-law’s room. When Zu Ye looked, where was there any appearance of newlyweds? Both had been tormented until weak and powerless, curled up on the bed, shivering.

Zu Ye pretended to take their pulses, then kept sighing.

Huang Wuye quickly asked, “How is it?”

Zu Ye stood up and said, “Wuye, let’s talk privately.”

The two returned to the reception room.

Zu Ye said, “They indeed offended spirit demons, and it’s a direct offense. The injury is very severe.”

Huang Wuye was shocked: “Can they still be saved?”

Zu Ye looked at Huang Wuye and lowered his head with a sigh.

Huang Wuye became somewhat anxious: “Zu Ye, speak frankly!”

Zu Ye raised his head and said, “Does Wuye know the story from the Three Kingdoms period of Zhuge Kongming capturing Meng Huo seven times?”

Huang Wuye was stunned: “I know… what about it?”

Zu Ye said, “When Kongming captured Meng Huo seven times, he used fire attack methods, burning to death the Rattan Armor Clan. After the war ended, Kongming lamented ‘this plan greatly damages yin virtue and reduces my yang lifespan.’ Kongming obtained the arts of heaven and earth creation, deeply understanding miraculous methods. Throughout his life, summoning wind and rain, dealing with heaven, earth, gods, and ghosts, caused his yang lifespan to greatly decrease. He died at only fifty-four. Now, your daughter has offended heavenly gods. If I rescue her, I must employ miraculous methods. I must clash with gods and ghosts, reducing my yang lifespan!”

After hearing this, Huang Wuye was sorrowfully moved. After a long while, tears flowed: “Zu Ye has a compassionate heart and universally saves all living beings. Please save my daughter and son-in-law.”

Zu Ye thought for a long time, sighed deeply, and said, “Very well. Since I’ve come, I’ve already placed my own safety aside. Quickly fetch two pieces of red cloth, two bowls of white water, set up an incense table, arrange pig head as the main offering, accompanied by chicken, duck, and fish as the three meats. Surround it with one bowl each of coriander, tofu, peanuts, rice, and tea water. Hurry and bring them!”

Huang Wuye hurriedly stood up, expressing endless gratitude, and immediately ordered servants to arrange according to Zu Ye’s instructions.

After everything was properly arranged, Zu Ye said to Huang Wuye, “Everyone withdraw. Without my command, no one is permitted to enter! No one is permitted to speak loudly, exchange whispers, discuss gods and ghosts presumptuously, or walk around!”

Huang Wuye received the command and withdrew. Only Zu Ye remained in the hall with a table of offerings.

Zu Ye recited loudly in the room: “Heavenly stars are my fate, my fate is heavenly stars, Liujia nine chapters, heaven round earth square, four seasons five elements, blue red white yellow…” During the chanting process, Zu Ye quietly took out some medicinal powder from his pocket and sprinkled it into those two cups of white water.

Setting Up Altar Rituals Only as a Blind

An hour later, Zu Ye wearily pushed open the room door and said, “Wuye, you may come in now.”

Huang Wuye quickly ran inside.

“Zu Ye, is your health all right?”

Zu Ye waved his hand while coughing weakly: “No major problem, no major problem. Quickly send these two cups of white water to the newlyweds to drink. Quick, quick!”

Huang Wuye quickly had servants carry the white water to his daughter and son-in-law.

Zu Ye said, “Within three days, your daughter and son-in-law’s illness will certainly improve.”

Huang Wuye expressed endless gratitude: “Zu Ye, how should I repay such great kindness! Someone…”

Zu Ye waved his hand: “Huang Wuye is too polite. Please quickly send someone to take me home. My vital energy is greatly damaged and I urgently need recuperation! Other matters, we’ll discuss later!”

Zu Ye understood that if he accepted money at this time, Huang Wuye’s heart would definitely not be at ease, because there were no results yet. Once results were seen, Huang Wuye would naturally visit to express thanks.

Two days later, Huang Wuye came to visit Zu Ye. Zu Ye was naturally covered with blankets, lying on the bed, appearing very weak. Er Batou was keeping watch by the bed, appearing to carefully attend to him.

Huang Wuye asked with concern, “Is Zu Ye’s health all right? My daughter and son-in-law’s illness has greatly improved.”

Zu Ye smiled benevolently: “As long as it’s improved, as long as it’s improved.”

Huang Wuye then had servants bring up a chest. Grasping Zu Ye’s hand, he said, “This small gift, please accept it, Zu Ye. Zu Ye, to save my beloved daughter, you injured your body and reduced your lifespan. Such great kindness will never be forgotten for as long as I live!”

Zu Ye smiled and said, “Wuye speaks too seriously! Those of us who eat this bowl of rice are destined to be this way. Wuye need not be too concerned.”

After Huang Wuye left, Er Batou opened the chest: fifty silver dollars, five gold bars. Er Batou was delighted, and Zu Ye was delighted too. That evening, the bosses of the hall all gathered at Zu Ye’s residence, drinking heartily.

Zu Ye stroked Zhang Zizhan’s head and said to everyone, “Being able to execute this scheme depended entirely on brother Zizhan.”

It turned out that day, when Er Batou was pretending to help at Huang Wuye’s residence, he took advantage of people’s inattention and put something in the newlyweds’ toast wine. This substance wouldn’t kill anyone, but once consumed, it would strongly stimulate the bladder, constantly making one want to urinate!

This method of tormenting people came from Yan and Zhao regions. Since ancient times, Yan and Zhao had the old custom of teasing the bridal chamber. On the wedding day, villagers could think of every method to torment the newlyweds: blocking the bride from entering the room, lying on the bed flirting with the bride, crouching under the bed to eavesdrop on the bride and groom consummating their marriage, and so on.

These methods of tormenting people were innovated every year, but villagers still felt unsatisfied. Later, someone finally invented an unprecedented method of tormenting people.

This method greatly damaged yin virtue and could make the bride expose herself to complete humiliation. The specific method was to prepare a kind of medicinal powder. During the bridal chamber teasing, secretly sprinkle this powder into the bride’s wine cup or tea cup, then persuade the bride to drink it. Within half an hour, the bride would experience frequent urination symptoms. On the day a young woman marries, she’s shy and bashful. Unless holding it to the extreme, she tries not to use the toilet to avoid embarrassment. But once she drinks this medicinal powder, there’s trouble. Her whole body feels cold with strong urge to urinate. The more she tries to hold it, the less she can hold it, constantly running to the toilet, making a complete fool of herself!

This was actually an acute urinary tract infection. Even after draining all urine from the body, one still felt the urge to urinate, constantly squatting to squeeze it out.

The raw material for making this medicinal powder was very simple—just toads. Toads, scientific name Bufo, contain poison in their bodies, and some are quite toxic. Old Chinese doctors could tell which toads could be used as medicine and which couldn’t. Modern medicine proves that toxins in toads indeed have diuretic effects.

Villagers, hearing the terrible advice of a quack doctor, dug for toads all over the mountains during the coldest days of winter, extracting large toads hibernating in the soil, killing them, placing them on stones to dry, then grinding the dried toad corpses into powder. During bridal chamber teasing, when the bride wasn’t paying attention, they’d add a little to the bride’s wine, then quietly watch the bride challenge her physiological limits.

Later, because one bride ingested too much toad powder and happened to be too shy, constantly holding it without going to the toilet, just as people continued teasing the bride, with a bang, the bride’s bladder burst and she died suddenly in the bridal chamber. The groom, angry and ashamed, stabbed to death the person who put in the powder with one knife. From then on, no one dared use this method again.

Zhang Zizhan had been interested in such things since childhood. He looked up relevant information about toads in medical texts and found the pathogenic mechanism of the toxins in their bodies. Later, based on Western pharmacology analysis, he found the detoxification method.

For Zu Ye to execute this scheme, he needed exactly this kind of drug: causing illness but not death, treatable afterward without harming the body. At that time, the hall had poison and knockout drugs, but this kind of controlled, perfectly measured poison truly didn’t exist.

Thus, Zhang Zizhan revealed this method. Zhang Zizhan had conditions—it must be “acting on heaven’s behalf.”

Zu Ye told him this Huang Wuye was a thorough underworld boss who had oppressed common people for many years. During the April 12th coup, he even directed subordinates to disguise themselves as workers and attack the “Workers’ Picket Corps,” killing many revolutionary martyrs.

Only then did Zhang Zizhan agree.

At the celebration, Zu Ye happily praised him repeatedly: “Zizhan, great merit!”

Zhang Zizhan smiled embarrassedly: “I still feel somewhat… somewhat uneasy inside…”

Zu Ye understood—people just entering the profession didn’t have black enough hearts or ruthless enough hands. Their consciences hadn’t yet been blinded by money. Zu Ye said, “Acting on heaven’s behalf, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. This money will soon have a portion used to help poor people. Recently cold has been raging. Tomorrow you personally go to the pharmacy, get some herbs, and distribute them to surrounding poor people.”

Only then did Zhang Zizhan smile knowingly.