Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Second Day of the Second Month.

One month and six days after that spring dream, heaven dealt me a crushing blow.

I diagnosed myself with a slippery pulse.

A slippery pulse?

I was actually pregnant.

I could hardly believe it. Not only did I pull out gynecology medical texts, I also pulled out the Pu family’s handwritten childbirth diagrams.

Comparing one book and one diagram repeatedly, it was still fundamentally impossible.

Yet I was indeed pregnant.

Was heaven playing a joke on me?

That very day I prepared an abortifacient medicine.

I personally decocted the medicine, spending a full hour.

After finishing the decoction, just as I was about to drink it, my heartbeat suddenly accelerated, and simultaneously, cold sweat poured down.

This condition was unprecedented.

By the time that bowl of medicine had cooled completely, my cold sweat was still flowing outward.

Only then did I understand how difficult it was for a mother to personally kill her own child.

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Eighth Day of the Second Month.

Six days later, I decocted the abortifacient medicine once more.

During those six days, I used every method to convince myself to stay by his side. The final result was failure.

I was pregnant.

He wouldn’t let me go.

I couldn’t stay.

This was a vicious cycle.

No solution!

To have a solution, I once again harbored murderous intent.

The situation was even worse than six days prior. Besides my racing heartbeat and profuse cold sweat, my hands trembled so badly I couldn’t even lift that bowl of medicine.

Physicians have benevolent hearts.

I would save even beggars by the roadside. How could I personally kill my own child?

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Ninth Day of the Second Month.

I decided to secretly leave the capital, go somewhere no one could find, assume a false identity, and give birth to the child.

Then, we would depend on each other for survival.

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Twelfth Day of the Second Month.

After three days of preparation, I took action.

After the carriage traveled for two days and nights, it suddenly stopped.

A large hand lifted the carriage window. When I saw Xiao Ze standing outside the carriage, my heart turned completely cold.

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Fourteenth Day of the Second Month.

I returned to the Crown Prince’s residence once more.

The moment Zhao Lin saw me, fire flashed in his eyes.

To avoid detection, I had disguised myself as a man.

He rebuked sharply, “What kind of propriety is this!”

I knelt down and prostrated myself on the ground. “I beg Your Highness to spare me a way to live.”

Zhao Lin looked at me for a long while without saying anything, then left with a flick of his sleeves.

I was confined—locked in Dong Chengfeng’s old courtyard.

At this moment, I finally understood why when three years were up, Dong Chengfeng left without looking back—because there was no freedom.

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Eighteenth Day of the Second Month.

For four days, I neither ate nor drank, lying on the bed motionless like a dried corpse.

I had to make a final struggle for the latter half of my life—using two lives!

Lady Liang came.

She earnestly tried to persuade me for two full hours, talking herself dry, before I finally spoke: “Get out!”

If not for this woman, why would I need to use such extreme measures?

At nightfall.

The Crown Prince came, his eyes blood-red.

“You’re absolutely determined not to want to stay in the Crown Prince’s residence?”

“Yes!”

“Then there’s only one solution.”

His tone was exceptionally restrained and calm. “Give birth to the child, and I’ll give you your freedom.”

I nearly wept with joy, but then realized something was wrong.

“What about the child?”

“The child is of imperial bloodline. You cannot take it away.”

His pitch-black eyes were very indifferent. “It will be raised by Lady Liang.”

I refused flatly. “That woman is unworthy.”

He looked at me coldly. “Besides Lady Liang, who else is worthy?”

I was speechless.

“If she raises it and the child is registered under her name, it will be legitimate. All others are concubines, and children under concubines’ names are all illegitimate.”

The words he spoke were cruel and also realistic.

“Most importantly, the more people who know about this matter, the less likely your departure becomes. Weigh the pros and cons yourself.”

Seeing I didn’t speak, deep exhaustion showed in his eyes.

“Shen Duruo, while I haven’t changed my mind yet, you’d best agree quickly. Otherwise, I don’t mind confining you for a lifetime.”

After a pause, he said hoarsely, “You must understand one thing—the person in Lady Liang’s heart and eyes is me.”

Using “struck by five thunderbolts” still wouldn’t adequately describe my shock at hearing this sentence.

The person in Lady Liang’s heart and eyes was him.

Lady Liang had observed his every move before scheming against me.

That meant—he had feelings for me.

I bit down hard on my tongue. When the pain came, I believed that what I had just heard was real.

At this moment, I suddenly understood why that night, when I wrapped myself around him, he didn’t push me away.

Long-absent joy and long-absent heaviness pressed down simultaneously.

I looked into his eyes, swallowed the slight taste of blood from my tongue tip, and gently nodded my head.

Seeing me nod, he stood up and left.

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Twentieth Day of the Second Month.

From this day forward, I formally took up residence in the Crown Prince’s residence.

This was Zhao Lin’s requirement. Before giving birth to the child, he wouldn’t allow me to return to the rented residence.

Suzhi personally attended to my meals and daily life.

Besides me, the Crown Prince, and Lady Liang, there was one other person who knew about my affair with the Crown Prince and my pregnancy—Suzhi.

Clearly, she was Lady Liang’s accomplice.

I gave her no pleasant looks and spoke very coldly to her.

Suzhi was after all someone Lady Liang had personally trained. Her composure was quite good. No matter how cold my face, she smiled at me.

To avoid detection, I still worked as a female physician as usual, checking the pulses of Zhao Lin and Lady Liang on the first and fifteenth of each month.

When checking Zhao Lin’s pulse, his gaze would sometimes fall on my lower abdomen.

When checking Lady Liang’s pulse, her gaze was always on my face, looking thoughtful.

I no longer attended any banquets at the Crown Prince’s residence. After finishing my duties, I withdrew to my own courtyard, going nowhere, peacefully nurturing the pregnancy.

The Crown Prince’s residence had excellent meals. Soups and broths were constantly sent over.

Within a few days, I was plump and fair, like a pig in a pen.

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Third Month.

Normally, forty-five days after pregnancy, pregnant women begin experiencing morning sickness.

I had no reactions at all, just some drowsiness, and I could never sleep enough.

Suzhi joked that it must be a daughter, because daughters understand their mothers’ hardship.

I didn’t think so.

Daughter or son, it had nothing to do with me. I didn’t want to develop too much affection for the child in my belly.

Affection meant attachment. When the time came for me to leave, it wouldn’t be clean.

Every night when it grew late, Lady Liang would come to the courtyard to check on me. After drinking a cup of tea, she would leave without lingering.

I guessed she came to put on a show for Zhao Lin. Otherwise, with her status and position, how could she not hold a grudge over that slap?

I still couldn’t forgive her. When no one was around, I never spoke to her.

Zhao Lin never came.

After we reached our agreement that day, his attitude toward me became very cold, with some resentment.

I didn’t care.

Most of people’s troubles come from being overly understanding.

Why he was cold, why he resented—I didn’t want to know. Let Lady Liang worry about it!

……

Year 31 of the Yuanfeng Era, Ninth Day of the Fourth Month.

At dawn, just as I was about to get up, my belly suddenly moved.

I was very pleasantly surprised. This was the first time I felt fetal movement since becoming pregnant.

So this was what fetal movement felt like.

I touched my lower abdomen.

At this moment, my lower abdomen had a slight bulge. Four months along, I could feel her growing well inside.

I suddenly developed a different feeling toward the child in my belly.

This wasn’t a good thing, but I couldn’t control it.