196 AD

Zhou Jin stopped walking and turned back to look at Sun Ce, who had been following closely behind her. The corners of her mouth curved into a bitter smile: “Bofu, you can see me off to here.”

Sun Ce stared at this close friend, pressing his lips tightly into a straight line, suppressing his anger and saying nothing.

Zhou Jin sighed, knowing that Sun Ce, who usually showed his emotions openly, was already exercising the utmost restraint. What he most wanted to do now was probably to break completely with Yuan Shu.

But they couldn’t do that yet.

Zhou Jin gestured to the servant behind them, who continued forward with her uncle’s carriage, leaving the two of them to bid farewell alone. Xiao Qiao had been personally sent back to the Qiao family two years ago. Sometimes, not seeing that spirited girl, Zhou Jin actually missed her.

Frowning and pondering for a long while, Zhou Jin felt she had already said everything that needed saying during last night’s drinking session with Sun Ce. Yuan Shu’s replacement of her uncle Zhou Shang with his own cousin Yuan Yin as Danyang Governor was clearly due to dissatisfaction with their uncle-nephew pair secretly helping Sun Ce. Sun Ce was no ordinary person and naturally wouldn’t remain under Yuan Shu’s banner forever, but at this time, lacking troops, horses, and provisions, Sun Ce had no way to truly break with Yuan Shu.

Sun Ce looked at this youth who usually wore a gentle smile but now had his brow furrowed with worry for his sake, and his heart softened. He cursed himself for being muddled. The person who least wanted to leave at this time was Gongjin. Yet now Gongjin was comforting him instead—he truly was an inconsiderate older brother.

Burying his helplessness deep in his heart, Sun Ce forced a smile: “Gongjin, take good care of your health. Next time we meet, I want to see you’ve put on some weight!” Perhaps due to exhausting mental effort, this sworn brother of his always appeared frail and pale, as if a gust of wind could blow him away.

Zhou Jin heard Sun Ce’s teasing and knew he had come around, so she relaxed slightly and nodded with a sincere smile.

Looking up at Sun Ce’s angular face, Zhou Jin could no longer see any trace of the childishness that had once hidden between his brows. Standing before her now was an iron-blooded general who had experienced bloodshed and decisive killing. Like a sharp spear, even just standing there simply, he exuded an aura that could face ten thousand enemies.

She should have known all along that her choice was correct. Zhou Jin’s lips revealed a smile of appreciation.

Back then, why exactly had she taken notice of him? Zhou Jin fell into memories. No, initially she hadn’t noticed him, but his father… and on Sun Ce, those faint traces of her brother that could be found.

She knew her brother was dead, but couldn’t stop herself from searching for his traces in others. Perhaps if her brother were still alive, he too would have walked this thorny path to kingship, but she could not. She lacked the courage, the fierceness, the… the ruthlessness.

The main reason was that deep down she was still a woman, despite having disguised herself as a man for ten years. Her decision to continue supporting Sun Ce after Sun Jian’s death had evolved from being caught between a rock and a hard place to commitment from beginning to end, then to heartfelt admiration, and finally to devoted loyalty.

Though Sun Ce was still young, he had already earned the world’s evaluation as “heroic in spirit and outstanding in achievement, with courage crowning the world, seeking the extraordinary and pursuing the exceptional, with ambitions spanning all of China.” His frivolous and impetuous character was exactly like his father’s—she only hoped these rough edges would gradually be worn away by time’s refinement, ultimately achieving imperial greatness.

Everything was proceeding as she had predicted, except for one thing she had never calculated—her own feelings.

Zhou Jin carefully concealed the admiration and longing in her eyes, collecting them bit by bit, then burying them deep in her heart. She was not Zhou Jin now, but Zhou Gongjin.

What Sun Ce needed was not the Zhou family’s eldest daughter who couldn’t show her face in public, but Zhou Gongjin who could stand beside him offering counsel and strategy, who could serve as his right-hand man. This way was actually quite good.

Her wishes had changed beyond simply seeking the Zhou family’s self-preservation.

Her ambitions had also changed—she hoped to see him ascend to that throne, looking down upon the world, to see the people end this apocalyptic suffering.

And she would always be by his side.

As Zhou Gongjin, never regretting.

199 AD

“You… what are you saying?” Zhou Jin’s fists hidden beneath her sleeves clenched tightly as she asked in disbelief. Even with enemy armies at the city gates, she wouldn’t lose composure like this, but hearing what she considered the most incredible words from the person she valued most, she could no longer remain calm.

Sun Ce looked at Zhou Jin with surprise. He didn’t think what he’d just said was wrong—wasn’t he just helping Elder Qiao arrange a marriage? “Didn’t you two have a good relationship back then? I thought the reason you’ve declined so many marriage proposals over the years was because you were waiting for Xiao Qiao to grow up!” Sun Ce grinned mischievously. “I even thought you were into men back then! Turns out it’s about fragrant warmth and jade beauty adding fragrance with red sleeves!”

Zhou Jin’s nails dug deeper into her palms. She knew she should say something now, but couldn’t utter a single word.

Three years ago, she had refused Yuan Shu’s olive branch, only requesting to serve as magistrate of Chao County. While Sun Ce campaigned everywhere, establishing his own territory, she had ostensibly gone to take up her post in Chao County but actually crossed east to Wu to reunite with Sun Ce. Sun Ce had personally welcomed her and appointed her as General Who Establishes Might. Last year, after Yuan Shu’s death, Sun Ce appointed Zhou Jin as Central Protector of the Army, nominally governing Jiangxia. During these years, Zhou Jin had helped Sun Ce capture Wan City and seize Lujiang Commandery. Sun Ce’s empire was beginning to take shape.

Over these years, the two had shared common ideals, planning for the world together, campaigning on battlefields together, almost inseparable. Since Sun Ce hadn’t married, she had maintained a subtle mindset while accompanying him. Initially she had felt somewhat fortunate—he looked down on those secluded young ladies and even encouraged his younger sister Sun Shangxiang to practice martial arts. Last year, when Cao Cao deliberately sought a marriage alliance with Sun Ce, he had pushed Cao Cao’s niece onto his own brother Sun Kuang. He didn’t want deep entanglements with Cao Cao and completely disdained benefits exchanged through marriage.

But the more this was the case, the more that unrealistic desire in her heart swelled. She had imagined more than once what expression Sun Ce would show when facing her if there came a day when the world was unified and she returned to her female identity.

Ideals remained ideals; reality was always cruel.

She had even prepared for the day Sun Ce would tell her he was getting married, but she never imagined he would personally come to arrange her marriage.

Seeing Zhou Jin staring blankly without knowing what she was thinking, Sun Ce patiently tried to persuade her. Thinking this sworn brother was just shy, he racked his brains to find reasons: “Becoming in-laws with someone like Elder Qiao, who has status and position in Lujiang Commandery, would greatly benefit the development of our Jiangdong army. Our foundation is still shallow, so we must rely on external support. With this relationship, it will be easier to communicate in the future.”

Since he wouldn’t use his own marriage to exchange for benefits, he could use hers? Zhou Jin lowered her eyes, hiding the disappointment and pain within them.

Then she heard her own answer: “Alright, I understand.”

Hadn’t she said she would support him and never regret it? What to do? She was beginning to regret it a little…

Zhou Jin sat in the room, staring somewhat dazedly at the overwhelming red that met her eyes. After agreeing to the marriage with Xiao Qiao, she had frequently visited the Qiao family—partly because she needed to perform well as someone’s future husband, and partly because she truly wanted to avoid Sun Ce and not see him.

Marriage… this concept was too distant from her. She had thought she’d never have the chance to marry in this lifetime, much less imagined she would become someone else’s husband…

The Liuqing comb’s power truly could transform her into a male, and also restore her female identity… Gripping the Liuqing comb in her palm, Zhou Jin knew she was becoming increasingly conflicted, especially in this room full of bridal furnishings. The brilliant bridal dress on the clothing rack made her feel both offended and envious.

She… she really wanted to wear it once too…

Once this thought appeared, it was like a tender shoot breaking through soil. No matter how much Zhou Jin tried to suppress it, she couldn’t uproot this grass from her heart.

Just… just try it on… there shouldn’t be any problem…

Xiao Qiao had gone out for a spring outing at some young lady’s invitation. There was no one else in this courtyard now, and the place she was staying was a side room where servants wouldn’t enter without announcing themselves.

Zhou Jin was like someone possessed, unable to extricate herself. She stood up, her fingers touching that bridal dress. The soft sensation at her fingertips made her unable to resist any longer.

She untied the square cloth used for men’s hair binding, combed her hair once with the Liuqing comb, then carefully put on the wedding dress with a worshipful heart. In the bronze mirror, she saw a familiar yet strange face.

That person had loose hair and wore a bright red curved-hem wrapped robe with wide sleeves and a fitted body that outlined her perfect curved figure. Zhou Jin, who hadn’t worn women’s clothing for ten years, never knew her figure was this good.

However, her face was plain, nothing like a new bride should look.

Zhou Jin sat down at the dressing table and opened the layered cosmetic boxes.

Applying lead powder, rouge, goose-yellow, drawing eyebrows, dotting lip rouge, painting facial beauty marks… Zhou Jin carefully applied makeup to herself. Though she had never done this before, she remembered watching her mother do this every morning. She was serious and devout, as if she had practiced this countless times in her heart.

When Zhou Jin finally regained her senses, she was completely shocked by the face in the bronze mirror.

So this was Zhou Jin.

So this was what Zhou Jin should have looked like if she had lived her life step by step.

Zhou Jin didn’t stop there. She somewhat awkwardly arranged her loose long hair into a hanging cloud chignon, with a few light strands falling by her cheeks, making her appear even more ethereal and charming. Finally, she inserted a peacock tortoiseshell gold hairpin and wound a five-colored silk tassel around her hair bun.

“The ‘Book of Rites: Marriage Ceremony’ states, ‘The host enters the room and personally removes the bride’s tassels’… Little Jin, if you ever marry, remember to tie five-colored tassels in your hair! Only your husband can remove the five-colored tassels…” That year, when the Master was teaching and her brother turned to this page in the book, he had turned and jokingly said this to her with a smile.

Looking at those two swaying five-colored tassels, Zhou Jin couldn’t come back to her senses for a long time, until someone entered with a light “eh” sound. She instinctively turned to look, then was greatly alarmed.

Sun Ce? How could he be at the Qiao family at this time? Zhou Jin frantically hid behind the screen, her heart beating violently, not knowing what to do.

Hurried apologies and the sound of a closing door came from outside the screen. Zhou Jin couldn’t tell whether the other party had recognized her, but when she emerged from behind the screen, seeing herself in the bronze mirror, she couldn’t help but smile bitterly.

She couldn’t even recognize this face herself, let alone others.

But… Zhou Jin looked at the five-colored tassels that had fallen to the ground during her retreat and sighed silently, beginning to undo her hair bun and wash off the makeup.

Dreaming once was enough.

No matter how beautiful the dream, there comes a time to wake up.