On the way back, I dared not ride the horse anymore. Though full of doubts, I still didn’t dare take that risk and could only lead the horse, walking slowly all the way.
The letter had stated it clearly in black and white, but I still couldn’t quite believe it. How could I possibly… Could it be that mother’s recent poor condition caused a misdiagnosis?
My heart was twisted into a tangled mess. After much deliberation, I decided to find a medical clinic to confirm.
The physician who examined me seemed to be an old practitioner at this clinic. As soon as he felt my pulse, his face lit up with joy: “Congratulations, Madam. This pulse is smooth and flowing like pearls—definitely a pregnancy pulse.”
My hand trembled: “Doctor, shouldn’t you feel it a bit longer? How could I possibly be pregnant? I don’t vomit when eating, I’m not drowsy, and I have no pregnancy symptoms at all.”
The doctor smiled and glanced at me: “Everyone’s constitution is different. Not all have reactions like morning sickness. I’ve been diagnosing pulses for decades—I certainly wouldn’t misdiagnose a pregnancy pulse. Madam can rest assured.”
I rubbed my forehead: “…This clearly isn’t possible…”
“How is it not possible? Has Madam had her monthly cycle these past two months?”
I shook my head: “I thought it was due to irregular schedule…”
Calculating this way, two months ago I was still living the pastoral life with Song Langsheng in Guangling. During that period, he indeed showed no signs of neglect in that particular aspect… But, but these two months I’ve been rushing day and night on horseback, sneaking into the deep palace in fear and trepidation, and a few days ago I was imprisoned and utterly despondent. Even under such conditions, the child could be preserved? Does it take after its father or mother?
Seeing me at a complete loss, the old doctor couldn’t help asking: “Could it be… Miss, you… haven’t married yet?”
I glanced at him: “I’m naturally married. Even if I look quite young, Doctor, you shouldn’t say such things. I married several years ago.”
The doctor breathed a sigh of relief: “Then what is there for Madam to worry about? This is joyous news—you should go back and tell your husband.”
I couldn’t imagine what irrational things Song Langsheng might do if he learned this news. I shook my head and unconsciously said: “Tell him? I’m afraid it would throw the whole realm into chaos…”
The doctor gasped: “Could… could it be this child… isn’t your husband’s…”
I didn’t pay much attention to what he said, nodding to myself: “Indeed, I don’t know how to speak of it. Sigh, it’s my fault for being too impulsive back then, not considering his feelings before locking him up and then acting recklessly outside, which led to this unmanageable situation…”
“Locking up your husband and acting recklessly?” The doctor’s mouth twitched: “…This, this, then does Madam mean this child cannot be kept?”
“When did I say I wouldn’t keep the child!” I glared at him: “The child’s father is graceful and handsome—whether male or female, this child is destined to captivate all. How could I possibly not keep the child!”
The doctor’s expression toward me could no longer be described as horrified. When I finished my reverie and looked up, feeling this old doctor’s attitude toward a pregnant woman was too unfriendly, I didn’t chat with him further. I simply had him prescribe some pregnancy-supporting medicine and hurried back.
The streets outside the city were filled with carriages and horses, crowded with people. I carefully walked along the side all the way, afraid of being accidentally bumped by hurried passersby.
People are sometimes so miraculous—those who were reckless and heedless of danger just days ago begin to look ahead and behind, acting cautiously in every movement upon learning there’s a little life in their belly.
During our secluded days in that Guangling town, Song Langsheng and I would often lie on the grass, looking at the faint stars above, imagining what our future child would look like, what name to give, whether to learn martial arts, to travel together through myriad rivers and see all the world’s wonders.
Song Langsheng especially loved little girls. Walking on the road daily, he couldn’t help but look twice at pretty children, then thoughtfully and narcissistically say: “We shouldn’t have daughters. My daughter would surely topple kingdoms and cities. All men in the world are fickle—I absolutely couldn’t bear to marry her off.”
Hearing this, I would chide: “Didn’t I still marry you?”
He would say calmly: “How many like me exist in the world?”
Me: “…”
Thinking of his overconfident foolish appearance, I couldn’t help but laugh aloud. But laughing and laughing, I couldn’t continue.
How exactly should I tell Song Langsheng?
A rebel’s daughter pregnant with the dragon’s heir—according to Daqing law, even if the child could be safely born, that woman would absolutely never be made empress or consort.
He was already besieged on all sides, riding a tiger unable to dismount. These past few days he couldn’t even spare time to find me, proving the court situation was far more severe than imagined. If he learned of my pregnancy at such a time, whether he fought the ministers to the death for me or abandoned the realm’s safety to flee with me, either would lead to unimaginable consequences.
I drifted back to the bamboo cottage like a wandering spirit. Just reaching the entrance, I saw several black-clothed corpses lying scattered outside the courtyard. They seemed recently killed, with fresh blood still seeping from their lips.
The door was half-open. Sensing someone inside, I couldn’t determine the situation and dared not enter rashly. Just as I was about to turn back and find help, the door suddenly opened and someone slowly walked out, saying to me: “No need to panic—it’s this old man.”
That person was Zhao Gengnian.
After entering the house, I discovered the visiting dignitary wasn’t just the current Chief Minister, but also General Huo Chuan, Minister of War Yang Zhuoyi, Imperial Guard Commander He Pingzhao, and others. From their attire, they seemed to have come for a private visit rather than to arrest me, this fugitive, so I relaxed slightly. However, as a commoner now, I should properly kneel before several court officials. But with this sudden status change, I was somewhat reluctant to abandon my former airs. For a moment, I stood holding two bundles of medicine, asking awkwardly: “What about those corpses outside?”
They exchanged glances. Only Huo Chuan spoke: “We came to see the Princess but found no one home. While hesitating whether to continue waiting, assassins mistook the movement inside for the Princess planning to act. General Yang, Lord He, and I immediately subdued them, but they bit poison and killed themselves instantly—not one was left alive.”
It seemed those secret guards I’d sent to find mother hadn’t returned yet. I said: “Such death warriors generally respect their professional ethics—understandable, understandable.” Seeing their mouths twitch slightly, I added: “Living or not living isn’t important. Most important is that you lords are safe and sound.”
He Pingzhao said: “Though they used swords, both hands had thick calluses—they must regularly wield weapons. Their footwork and skills all bore military characteristics. With careful investigation, we should discover clues…”
I glanced back at the courtyard: “No need for detailed investigation. Whoever most covets the throne now most wants to kill me. Only by killing me can they make Song… make His Majesty lose composure, thus taking advantage. Those qualified to share this cup include only a few Xiao family royals… “
Zhao Gengnian said meaningfully: “The Princess truly has a clear mind like a mirror. This old man also believes the instigator must be connected to Prince Ruì and others.”
I nodded, then shook my head: “I’m no longer a princess now. Please don’t address me so.”
Seeing their troubled expressions, I wondered whether I truly needed to kneel before them to accept this reality. But they exchanged another glance, then simultaneously knelt before me.
I was shocked and couldn’t help stepping back: “What are you doing?”
Zhao Gengnian said: “Princess, we come today with a request…”
I said: “Speak directly of any matter—why perform such ceremony?”
Zhao Gengnian was silent for a moment, finally gritting his teeth: “Tomorrow… is His Majesty’s coronation ceremony… We beseech the Princess… to leave the capital far away and… never meet His Majesty again.”
I thought I’d misheard.
That night before Song Langsheng left, he told me that though most court ministers wanted me dead, at least these few lords were trying hard to protect me. They held pivotal positions in court—with their support, things still had hope. I also guessed that my silent departure from the Court of Judicial Review couldn’t have been so smooth without Zhao Gengnian’s secret assistance.
They truly wanted to save me, yet now asked me to leave.
Seeing my long silence, Zhao Gengnian said: “The Princess was acknowledged by the late emperor and Emperor Yuanzong. Regardless of identity, she has never changed in this old man’s heart. The Princess had already retired, but for Daqing’s realm still risked death returning to the capital. Knowing dangers abounded, she still exposed Prince Qing’s conspiracy. All this makes this old man and others deeply respect and admire her. Now suffering this calamity, we should help the Princess to the end… However… The Xiao imperial family, high and low, are unwilling to yield the throne to this sudden interloper. Even Prince Ruì rushed back to the capital overnight to scheme. But two imperial edicts cannot be questioned—they have no recourse, only secretly contacting court ministers, using the Princess’s life as pretext to attack His Majesty… Everyone knows His Majesty’s deep affection for the Princess—he absolutely wouldn’t abandon her… Therefore, they borrowed censors and Confucian scholars inside and outside the capital to pressure His Majesty together. No matter how hard we try to prevent this and reduce the Princess’s guilt, effects remain minimal… Now, His Majesty has already…”
He couldn’t continue. He Pingzhao picked up: “During this time, many hoped His Majesty would make mistakes so they could make an issue of it to attack him. Knowing this, His Majesty still insisted on secretly removing the Princess from the Court of Judicial Review overnight, unwilling to let her suffer any humiliation… Now some have detected the person in prison may not be the Princess herself, so they repeatedly demand to try this case… Though we delay using His Majesty’s not yet being crowned as excuse, we can only delay temporarily. If we don’t quickly ‘execute’ the person in prison, there will be endless trouble…”
“So,” I asked back, “if the Xiao Qitang in prison dies, I must also disappear from this world. Otherwise, I’ll still endanger His Majesty and implicate even more people, correct?”
Yang Zhuoyi sighed: “Without the Princess, my daughter and the late emperor’s son couldn’t have safely returned to the palace. Without the Princess, everyone would still be deceived by Prince Qing… We shouldn’t force the Princess to leave… But the general trend compels this desperate measure…”
I lowered my head: “Your loyalty to the court is naturally clear to me. But… if I just leave like this… he…”
Huo Chuan was silent for a long time: “Now the Liang state, hearing this upheaval, wants to reorganize forces and attack while advantageous. If internal troubles aren’t removed and palace rebellions occur, preventing His Majesty’s smooth coronation, Daqing’s territory will be in grave danger…” He kowtowed forcefully: “His Majesty has righteousness in his heart, has Daqing’s people—Huo Chuan admires this wholeheartedly and willingly gives everything to assist… But His Majesty’s feelings for the Princess run too deep—he’s momentarily unable to extricate himself… We ministers… can hardly persuade him at all… Now, only the Princess can save His Majesty and save Daqing…”
After he finished, the other three lords successively kowtowed heavily, those thudding sounds like heavy hammers striking my heart.
I slowly placed the medicine in my hands on the table, turning my back to them.
Rolling dark clouds approached from afar, covering the fine clear sky.
Ultimately unable to resist fate’s decree.
Shortly after the several old ministers left, the secret guards returned. Seeing the courtyard assassins, they were so frightened they almost committed suicide in apology. I calmly waved my hand, having them clean up the corpses first to avoid attracting snakes, mosquitoes, or ants that would make sleeping difficult tonight.
But this night was destined to be sleepless.
Just as I’d finished eating and planned to sleep early, someone forcefully pushed open the door. Wind made the lamp flicker bright and dim as I saw Song Langsheng gasping, supporting himself against the door frame, arriving covered in dust.
I was stunned. He had already reached the bedside, trembling as he held me, tight almost to suffocation. I thought he’d heard about the assassins and thus abandoned everything to rush here. My chin touched his shoulder as I gently patted his back: “I’m fine.”
After a long while, Song Langsheng released his hold on me, struggling to keep his voice calm: “Are you truly uninjured? How did those assassins die?”
I said: “When I returned, I saw them fallen in the courtyard…” I didn’t mention Zhao Gengnian and others’ visit: “Weren’t those assassins killed by your people?”
He shook his head. Perhaps preoccupied with my safety, he didn’t notice anything amiss in my words: “This cannot continue. I cannot leave you alone here anymore.”
I was startled. He said: “Tomorrow morning, I’ll take you away. In this vast world, we’ll never let anyone find us again.”
I was stunned: “Are you mad? You’re the Emperor—if you leave without being crowned, where does that leave the world’s people?”
His eyes were full of panic—I’d never seen him like this: “What Emperor, what world? For their sake, I nearly lost you… A’Tang, you were right—court factions are deeply entrenched. I’m currently unstable and cannot save you. All I can do is take you away…”
I stared at him blankly, my throat catching.
This should have been a simple choice—choose to take me away, or choose to part and remain alone to protect Daqing.
For those closest and dearest, naturally one would choose the former without hesitation. Having done one’s utmost would leave no regrets—why sacrifice oneself for others? For those with righteous hearts caring for all people, such conviction would drive them forward despite inner pain, even facing lifelong loneliness.
But Song Langsheng—even he hadn’t realized that when his heart had decided to take me away, he would feel such unease and confusion.
Only because we’d endured so much suffering, only because we so urgently wanted to stay together forever. Yet ultimately we couldn’t make choices violating our conscience when facing great principles. The more afraid we were, the less we dared face it, finally only able to escape. I was thus, and so was Song Langsheng.
In that instant, I suddenly understood why Zhao Gengnian and others personally came to beseech me.
We couldn’t keep running forever. Someone had to make that choice.
Song Langsheng looked at me as if awaiting my answer. I lowered my head: “How did Jingyan die—have you forgotten? Father’s deathbed instructions—have you also forgotten? If we leave like this, the court’s princes and clans will surely fight to the death for that throne. Inside and outside the capital, military conflict will be unavoidable… Not to mention whether former dynasty rebels will make a comeback, or whether the Liang state, after two years of building strength, will breach the city—by then, Jingyan’s only child certainly cannot be protected… All those on our side—the Empress Dowager, sister Jiayi, Chief Minister Zhao, Yanran, General Huo, Wei Qingheng, Lu Lingjun, Zhang Xianyang, and even more people—will all be implicated, even struggling to preserve their lives…”
His lips grew paler and paler. I said: “…Even so, do you still want to leave?”
Song Langsheng stood up shakily, knocking over the chair at his feet: “Who taught you to say these words? I don’t want to hear you say these things—these aren’t your true thoughts.”
“They are my true thoughts,” I slowly stood, my heart trembling with pain. “Once, I would rather die with the city. Today is the same. I, Xiao Qitang, will not and absolutely cannot stay with someone who lives ignobly, greedily seeking personal comfort.”
I waited for him to argue, but he only stiffened momentarily, then suddenly embraced me, tight as if to blend me into his flesh and blood. I heard him say: “Don’t say such words anymore. I know that no matter what I become, you’ll like me just the same.”
Hearing such overconfident words, even with tears overflowing my eyes, I couldn’t help but smile: “Who said so? If you become ugly or fat, I definitely won’t like you anymore.”
He showed no intention of releasing me: “I don’t believe it.”
Knowing I couldn’t break free, I lay against his chest: “A’Sheng, actually… don’t worry about me. I’m only temporarily leaving your side now, going somewhere a bit farther from the capital, but not where you can’t find me…”
He took a long, shuddering breath: “I don’t believe it…”
I bit my lip, forcing out a smile he couldn’t see: “After your coronation, when imperial power is in your grasp, before you even come find me, I’ll rush back immediately. When have my promises ever been empty…”
“I don’t believe it… You’re the world’s most foolish person. How can I believe what you say…” His voice was right beside me, yet I felt something cold and wet instantly fall on my neck.
I closed my eyes tightly: “Didn’t you say I’m your only wife in this lifetime? I’m the same… Rest assured, I definitely won’t remarry…”
This time, he said nothing more.
The autumn breeze was slightly cool. He held me thus for so very long, so long that tears dried in the wind, neither willing to release the other.
Stars outside the window gradually faded as the dark sky grew lighter.
Someone outside gently knocked, indicating: “Master, if you don’t return now, you might miss the coronation ceremony.”
He paid no heed, still holding me tightly. I tilted my head slightly, pressing my hand against his chest: “Happy birthday.”
He was startled, slowly loosening his hold somewhat, lowering his head to look at me. I reached up and tugged at the corners of his mouth: “The zi hour has passed—today is your birthday. You forgot, didn’t you? Look, I won’t forget… The birthday boy must be happy for this year to go smoothly.”
He brushed aside my forehead hair with his fingers, staring intently at me: “My wish is to be with you. I’ll be happy only with you.”
My heart sank to the bottom. When could such a deep, lingering wish be fulfilled?
I said: “Dawn is breaking. If you don’t leave, you’ll cause me trouble… Since you still can’t decide, I’ll wait for your answer. Tonight… I’ll wait here for you to celebrate your birthday together, alright?”
For a moment, only the sound of rustling plants outside and our heartbeats could be heard.
After a long while, he said hoarsely: “I want to eat longevity noodles.”
I was momentarily dazed, then smiled: “I’m best at cooking noodles, but you can’t complain if they’re not tasty.”
Seeing he still wouldn’t leave, I had to say: “There are enough secret guards outside to eliminate a battalion. Even if a troop of Imperial Guards came to kill, I could stroll away calmly.”
He finally curved the corners of his mouth slightly. But in his eyes, deep pain rippled.
As hoofbeats gradually faded into the distance, I lowered my head, and the tears I’d held back so long could finally flow freely without restraint.