In many people’s love stories, there’s often a former flame.
What made Song Jing different from others was that he became acquainted with Tang Yang because of Jiang Shiyan. When Tang Yang didn’t push Song Jing away at the KTV at that time, it’s unclear whether Jiang Shiyan’s encouragement played a role.
The three of them had walked together through the chaotic yet clear three years of high school.
They knew each other inside out.
Naturally, they didn’t continue down the path by the river.
On the way home, Tang Yang and Jiang Shiyan remained silent, their understanding unspoken.
Jiang Shiyan hailed a taxi. He opened the door, and Tang Yang, holding down her skirt, got into the back seat first. Jiang Shiyan sat beside her.
When they got out, Jiang Shiyan opened the door and offered his hand. As usual, Tang Yang held onto his wrist, her skirt fluttering as she exited the car, then linked her arm with his.
The two were so in sync that they could maintain physical contact without uttering a word.
They entered the building and took the elevator.
Standing side by side, they lowered their heads slightly, both looking at their phones. It was unclear whether their gazes were on the screens or each other’s shoetips.
In the narrow space, there was the soft whirring of the elevator and the controlled breathing of the two.
“Ding dong,” they reached their floor.
The heavy metal doors slowly opened.
As usual, Jiang Shiyan raised his hand to block the sensor. Tang Yang exited the elevator, with Jiang Shiyan following. Tang Yang stood still, clutching her phone, while Jiang Shiyan stood beside her.
“I’ll go to Hui Shang for breakfast tomorrow morning,” Tang Yang said. “I just found out their cafeteria sells breakfast on weekends too. After eating, I’ll be just in time for the meeting. You don’t need to get up early to buy breakfast.”
The meeting was about Song Jing.
Jiang Shiyan, hands in his pockets, replied, “Mm.”
They stood very close, their shoetips touching, but they weren’t holding hands anymore.
The wall lamps cast light from the wall to the floor. Jiang Shiyan’s voice seemed to come from far away.
Tang Yang, hugging her phone, said, “Then I’ll go straight to pick him up at the airport at noon. Don’t wait for me for lunch. You can try the new takeout, or didn’t Mom ask you to visit Grandfather at the old house after your business trip?”
Picking up at the airport – picking up Song Jing.
Jiang Shiyan nodded, his voice soft: “Mm.”
“If there’s nothing else in the evening,” Tang Yang paused, “then I’ll have dinner with him as planned.”
Tang Yang explained, “I promised him we’d have dinner, so it’s better to do it sooner. Otherwise, if we keep putting it off, it’ll be very…” She made a gesture, unsure how to describe it.
“Alright,” Jiang Shiyan agreed again.
There’s no need to say so much, he thought. He could understand.
Yang Yang and Song Jing haven’t seen each other for ten years.
If it were him who hadn’t seen Yang Yang for ten years, he’d probably be impatient too. He’d want to meet for dinner as soon as possible, he’d be thinking of her to the point of madness.
As if to confirm his thoughts, Jiang Shiyan nodded and repeated, “Alright.”
There was a hint of disappointment in his voice.
Tang Yang’s lips moved, her hand and gaze seeking him: “Jiang Shiyan, you…”
Jiang Shiyan raised his arm, avoiding her attempt to hold his hand.
“I’ll go back to sleep at my place tonight,” Jiang Shiyan said, gesturing towards the door.
“But why…” Why go back to sleep there when everything’s fine here?
Tang Yang noticed his slightly pale complexion. Thinking that she might disturb him if she got up early tomorrow, the words on the tip of her tongue retreated to a single word: “Okay.”
Jiang Shiyan also seemed to feel that his suggestion was too abrupt.
He placed his hand on top of her head, speaking slowly, “I’m not overthinking or implying anything. It’s just that I haven’t fully adjusted to the time difference these past couple of days. I’m a bit tired.”
Tang Yang felt the warmth of his palm: “Mm.”
Jiang Shiyan: “I’m just next door. If you need anything, call me. Or you can phone me, I won’t turn off my phone.”
Tang Yang reached up to hold his wrist with both hands: “Mm.”
Jiang Shiyan added, “Take a hot shower when you get in. Dry your hair properly, and don’t look at your phone too much before bed.”
“You too,” Tang Yang looked up at him, her dark eyes like pools of clear spring water. “Remember to put a glass of water by the bed, and turn off the alarm. Don’t worry about me…”
Jiang Shiyan gently stroked her soft hair: “Mm.”
Tang Yang: “Mm.”
They walked to their doors together, standing back to back as they opened them.
Hearing that the other had opened their door successfully.
Tang Yang turned her head: “Good night.”
Jiang Shiyan forced a smile: “Good night.”
They both turned back, entered their apartments, and closed their doors.
It was as if their hands and feet were tied to opposite ends of a rope, their backs wearily pressed against their doors, neither able to move.
The night sky outside their windows seemed the same, but they couldn’t hear each other’s heartbeats or see each other’s faces.
Inhale, exhale.
For a long while.
Tang Yang’s place used to be messy, with piles of things here and there. After Jiang Shiyan moved in with his obsessive-compulsive tendencies, he categorized all her belongings – frequently used, rarely used, and never used.
Tang Yang kicked off her shoes and walked barefoot on the carpet. Following her memory, she went to the study. She found a cardboard box containing old certificates and awards, following the labels Jiang Shiyan had stuck on the bookshelf. Standing on a stool, Tang Yang took down the box and pulled out a palm-sized red velvet pouch.
It had some age to it, made of velvet.
Jiang Shiyan had thought it was one of her awards and hadn’t touched it.
Tang Yang pulled a chair over and sat down. She slowly undid the clasp on the pouch and took out an intricately carved wooden box.
The sandalwood had a faint fragrance, and the box was free of cracks. Tang Yang opened the delicate latch and took out a yellowed piece of paper from the box.
Song Jing had always been a proud and solitary character. When they were dating, instant messaging was already prevalent. In an era where even phone calls were considered slow, Song Jing would send her gifts via express delivery, but the note that should have accompanied the gift would arrive separately by regular mail.
The handwriting was elegant as if seeing the person through the words.
“What night is tonight, when the distant moon sees you.”
The words were ordinary, but Tang Yang recalled the joy she felt when receiving the letter back then.
Tang Yang glanced at the note, then put it back in the wooden box. Her peripheral vision inevitably fell on the old red string in the box. Her eyelashes trembled slightly, covering her emotions.
On the other side of the wall, Jiang Shiyan also went to his study.
His hands and feet seemed to move of their own accord as he found a photo album. From the pocket on the last page, he took out a group photo of the three of them.
Every May, Yi Zhong would take graduation photos. After the class photos were taken, students were given half a day off to run wild around the playground and classrooms, taking photos with teachers and classmates from their own and other classes.
By her third year of high school, Tang Yang had already reached an advanced state of being a study genius. After taking the class photo and a few pictures with Chang Xinyi, she was single-mindedly focused on returning to the classroom to solve more problems – not because of homework, but because she was addicted to it.
Song Jing was proud of nature. Even when the homeroom teacher said he wanted a photo together, he just gave a faint “mm,” showing little expression in the photo.
This photo was different – the round Jiang Shiyan stood between the two, boldly putting his arms around both of them. Neither Tang Yang nor Song Jing seemed impatient. Tang Yang was poking Jiang Shiyan’s little belly, smiling with crescent eyes, while Song Jing had his hands casually in his pockets, showing a rare, faint smile at the camera.
Back then, Jiang Shiyan felt like he was on top of the world. He was Song Jing and Tang Yang’s one and only, something he could brag about to other classmates until graduation.
But looking at it now, Jiang Shiyan forcefully mimicked the smiles of the three in the photo. If it weren’t for him standing in the middle, they would have made a good match back then, right?
Don’t believe it, look. Don’t believe it, look.
Jiang Shiyan covered himself in the middle of the photo with his hand. His hand was long and slender, and the smiles on either side of his hand were both beautiful.
He then covered Song Jing. His self in the photo was too fat. Why didn’t Tang Yang mind? She could still smile so happily.
He covered Tang Yang. It seemed that anyone next to Song Jing would become a foil. Since middle school, Jiang Shiyan has received many love letters and gifts. Pretty female classmates would say to him shyly, “Jiang Shiyan, your smile is so cute… Can you please help me give this to Song Jing?”
Yang Ge’s kindness to him was different from others, but Yang Ge… seemed to like Song Jing too.
According to the principle of permutations and combinations, covering one of the three people in the photo would result in three photos with only two people each.
Jiang Shiyan, as if discovering a new world, covered himself, then Tang Yang, then Song Jing, then himself again. He raised his hand, covered himself, raised his hand, covered himself, raised his hand again, covered himself again…
Tears that had welled up at some point suddenly fell, hitting the photo, hitting the eyesore that was himself in the middle.
They did make a good match, truly a good match.
Had they started matching so well from that time…
Jiang Shiyan dialed Cheng Siran’s number.
Cheng Siran dared not make a sound on the other end of the phone.
He could only listen to Jiang Shiyan crying, sniffling, sobbing quietly. In the end, every word came out hoarsely, as if squeezed from gravel, carrying the raw pain of a heel rubbed bloody by a shoe.
“Song Jing is back,” Jiang Shiyan’s tears fell continuously. “Why did Song Jing come back? What right does Song Jing have to come back? What right does he have to break up with Yang Yang back then, and now come looking for her again? What right does he have to hurt Yang Yang, not contacting her for ten years, and now eagerly seeking her out for dinner?”
The more Jiang Shiyan spoke, the more his chest felt like it was stuffed with a damp ball of cotton, stifling and with nowhere to vent. His whole body was in distress as he tore at himself: “Does he think love has no expiration date? What right does he have to not cherish her properly back then and now regret it? What right does he have to treat Yang Yang like she’ll come at his beck and call, trampling on her self-respect like this?” Jiang Shiyan’s tears fell more fiercely, his sobs suppressed as he cried out, “Song Jing is just a bastard! A bastard!”
Cheng Siran agreed soothingly, “Yes, yes, a bastard, a bastard.”
Jiang Shiyan cried until his whole body lost strength.
He fell from the chair to the floor, hugging the Little Yang Bear beside the bookshelf – the Little Yang Bear that Tang Yang had won for him at the amusement park by shooting balloons… He cried uncontrollably.
Until his phone gave a low battery warning.
Only then did Jiang Shiyan stop his tears, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he choked back sobs.
Cheng Siran asked Jiang Shiyan a question. Jiang Shiyan, his eyelashes heavy with tears, shook his head.
After hanging up the phone, two hours had passed since Jiang Shiyan had come home.
Jiang Shiyan’s eyes were dry and sore as if he had completely run out of tears.
The square scarf around Little Yang Bear’s neck was still damp. Jiang Shiyan got up from the floor and spread the bear’s scarf out on the desk. He had completely lost his earlier sadness, woodenly going to take a shower and throwing his clothes into the laundry basket. Although Jiang Shiyan and Tang Yang had been living together before, the housekeeper from the old house would come every week to tidy up and replace items. Jiang Shiyan opened a new shampoo and shower gel, but the scent was the same as before, the same as Tang Yang’s.
It was her faint, bone-meltingly soft lavender fragrance.
After showering, Jiang Shiyan went to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator, which was full of fresh fruit.
He chose a box of cherry tomatoes and hugged it to his chest. After drying his hair, he lay down on the bed, tore off the plastic wrap on the box, picked the biggest and reddest one, and bit into it. The sourness made his teeth ache, and suddenly, the tears that had dried up began to flow again.
Why should it be like this?
Song Jing bullied her! Cheng Siran bullied her! Even the small tomatoes at ten yuan for three jin were bullying her…
Cheng Siran’s final question was: “If Song Jing doesn’t know you’re with Tang Yang, if Song Jing tells Tang Yang he hasn’t had any other girlfriends in these ten years if Song Jing proposes to get back together with Tang Yang,” Cheng Siran said, “You know someone like Song Jing, it’s really hard to resist…”
“Song Jing isn’t the type to be abrupt, and Yang Yang has a sense of loyalty in relationships,” Jiang Shiyan said, “As long as she hasn’t let go of me, she won’t have anything with Song Jing. She won’t even touch a finger with Song Jing.”
Cheng Siran let out an “Oh”: “But did Tang Yang ask you to go pick them up at the airport together?”
Jiang Shiyan remained silent.
Cheng Siran: “Did Tang Yang tell you what she and Song Jing ate, and ask you to join them?”
Jiang Shiyan knew Cheng Siran couldn’t see him, but he still shook his head.
Cheng Siran: “Tang Yang—”
Jiang Shiyan immediately hung up the phone.
Song Jing was bad.
Tang Yang was the one he loved.
Jiang Shiyan leaned against the headboard, eating cherry tomatoes. The first one was sour, the second one was still sour, the third one was still sour, and the fourth one was even more sour…
Jiang Shiyan stuffed them into his mouth one by one, his mouth full of juice. His tears fell like beads on a broken string, one after another.
Before finishing one, Jiang Shiyan stuffed in another.
In the end, he didn’t know how to chew or swallow. He could only stumble, wrapped in his blanket, hiding in the wardrobe, making incoherent sounds one after another.
The next morning, Tang Yang sent Jiang Shiyan a message saying she was going to Huishang.
Jiang Shiyan wasn’t awake yet.
In the afternoon, Tang Yang picked up Song Jing and sent Jiang Shiyan a message with the restaurant address. Jiang Shiyan called back, his voice hoarse: “Enjoy your meal.”
Tang Yang frowned: “Did you catch a cold? I’ll come back right…”
Jiang Shiyan cut off her “now” word, “It’s nothing,” he said hoarsely, “I’ll just take some medicine later.”
Silence for a few seconds.
Tang Yang was worried: “Why don’t you come find me? We can eat together…”
“No need,” Jiang Shiyan imitated Tang Yang’s soft, spoiled tone, “Leo has a charity banquet in the North District, you’re eating in the South District. I won’t have time to make it there and back. I promised Leo I’d go.”
Tang Yang fussed and worriedly instructed him to take medicine.
Jiang Shiyan agreed to everything, his voice sounding cheerful, but his face showed no smile.
Dinner time.
Jiang Shiyan felt he was being very unreasonable, petty, and shameless, but he still couldn’t control himself. He drove to the restaurant early. Tang Yang had told him which table they had reserved, so he went to the table diagonally opposite and hid behind a huge potted plant.
This restaurant had a Mediterranean style, with exquisite decor and quite high per capita consumption. It was in a remote location, so there weren’t many people.
Jiang Shiyan sat for about five minutes before the people he was waiting for arrived.
Song Jing was about the same height as him when they graduated high school and still was.
He wasn’t wearing his military uniform, but a white shirt and black trousers that covered his tall, straight figure. He gentlemanly pulled out a chair for Tang Yang, revealing his fair and beautiful wrists. His complexion was fair, and he faced Jiang Shiyan.
Tang Yang thanked him and sat down, holding her skirt.
Knowing she was going to pick up Song Jing, she still followed Jiang Shiyan’s advice and wore formal attire. Her figure was graceful but a bit stiff. If anything was outstanding, it was probably the navy blue hairband on her head, tied in a lively and coquettish small butterfly knot.
The waiter came forward, the two ordered, and the waiter retreated.
Song Jing poured a cup of tea and pushed it towards Tang Yang: “You’re as beautiful as ever.”
Tang Yang nodded lightly: “You’ve learned how to compliment people.”
Song Jing wasn’t a soldier who strictly followed rules even in the army. He changed the direction of his crossed long legs and casually rested his face on one hand, gazing at Tang Yang.
“This is a statement of fact,” he smiled, “but if you want to take it as a compliment, then let it be a compliment.”
His appearance was too good, his voice low and turning, every detail of the man’s gestures was pleasing to the eye.
Jiang Shiyan’s current appearance and temperament could rival Song Jing’s, but what people saw in Song Jing was like a clear breeze in the mountains, at most gentle and moist. Jiang Shiyan would smile, would make a fuss, would protect her in his arms in many dangerous moments, and would even get a little upset when she occasionally slept with her back against his body and woke up to see the sun outside the window first instead of him. When he smiled, his eyes would half-squint, just like the deepest part of Tang Yang’s heart, that carefully hidden touch of worldly fireworks.
Tang Yang smiled and changed the subject: “Tell me about the project?”
Song Jing obligingly said: “I’ve seen ‘The Lost Pearl’. The husband of the original Zhang Zhilan, Min Zhi, was also in the 762 unit. He was my comrade-in-arms before he passed away.”
“…”
Tang Yang and Song Jing opened up the topic.
Jiang Shiyan took out his earphones and put them on. A hoarse English song filled his ears as if he really couldn’t hear others’ conversations.
Under such a barrier, Jiang Shiyan’s vision became even clearer.
He saw the waiter serving Tang Yang and Song Jing, saw Song Jing ladling soup for Tang Yang once, Tang Yang nodding in thanks, the initial unfamiliarity slightly dissipating.
Song Jing said something, and Tang Yang even smiled.
As the meal came to an end, Tang Yang stood up, seemingly to go pay the bill.
Song Jing also stood up, gently pulled Tang Yang’s wrist, and pulled her into his arms.
Tang Yang pushed Song Jing away.
Song Jing released Tang Yang at the same time.
Tang Yang smiled and said something to Song Jing, her face completely free of the previous resistance and obscurity.
Jiang Shiyan took the opportunity when a waiter passed by to leave early.
The restaurant was on the first floor, and Jiang Shiyan’s car was parked under a plane tree by the roadside. He quickly hid back in the driver’s seat, his gaze through the glass window of the storefront reflecting Tang Yang standing next to Song Jing, the smile not yet faded from her lips.
Jiang Shiyan stared blankly, and as he watched, he hooked his lips, smiling along with Tang Yang.
What was there to smile about? He didn’t know.
Jiang Shiyan could openly say that he wasn’t going to Leo’s banquet, that he just came over, how come they’ve finished eating, and then whine and act pitiful in front of Song Jing, asking Tang Yang for a hug. He knew Tang Yang could see through his thoughts, but would still smile indulgently and helplessly, then comfort him and fulfill his request.
He could pretend he never came, and never mention it afterwards. After the project ends, Song Jing would roll back to the army, and he could still marry Tang Yang, be sweet, and grow old together.
Jiang Shiyan remembered when Tang Yang used to cry in front of him, he would vow that if he ever saw Song Jing again, he would rush up and throw him to the ground. He, Jiang Shiyan, was no longer that fat boy who would be out of breath after running half a lap. Now he could beat Song Jing black and blue without breaking a sweat, beating and cursing, making Song Jing pay for bullying Yang Jie. Tang Yang had smiled through her tears then.
Jiang Shiyan knew he should be rolling up his sleeves and pouncing over now, not cowardly hiding in the car.
But everything, everything, in front of Tang Yang, in front of Tang Yang smiling but pushing Song Jing away, seemed to be insignificant.
Jiang Shiyan knew that Yang Yang wouldn’t let go of him, knew that Yang Yang wouldn’t bear to hurt him.
But that was his Yang Ge, his Yang Jie, his Yang Yang whom he cherished and pampered at the tip of his heart… How could he bear to let her be in a difficult position?
The night gradually fell, neon lights decorated like a river, white-collar workers walked out of office buildings in twos and threes, tired birds nestled in nests between tree branches, fluttering their feathers.
Jiang Shiyan blinked once, tears sliding down his face.
Tang Yang and Song Jing left the restaurant, walking in front.
Jiang Shiyan wanted to call Tang Yang but was afraid of disturbing their walking atmosphere. He smiled and wiped away his tears.
[I’ll come back later to move my things out, the property management has been renewed until the year after next. The spare toiletries and medicines are in the drawers under the tea table, and the medical records for your few colds are at the first pharmacy on the left when you exit the community gate. There are two bun shops on the left and right of the side door, your favorite sauce meat buns are at the first shop on the left, and the pork buns are at the second shop on the right. The noodle shop on the right changed owners last month, don’t go there anymore. The fruit shop at the entrance of the vegetable market is not fresh and expensive, if you want to eat fruit you have to go to the supermarket. The shopping cards and membership cards are all in the entrance hall drawer. The 18th of every month is member’s day at the supermarket, you can redeem points for rice, oil, and snacks. The card has—]
“Our” deleted.
[The card has accumulated more than 6,000 points, which can be redeemed for a lot. You can push the shopping cart to the entrance of the building. There might be other things, I’ll think about them one by one and try to write them down for you before you get back.]
Jiang Shiyan typed, deleted, and retyped. The roads they had walked together, the clouds they had watched together, even the supermarkets they had visited together seemed like executioners, slicing his heart.
There was also the A City Hospital where she smiled with her eyes curved saying “I’m sorry, I’m his girlfriend”, at the amusement park where she hit every balloon with the gun, pointed the gun at his forehead, then leaned down to kiss him, and in the stairwell of B City, that steaming bowl of longan and lotus seed soup that she had run all the way to buy… Very sweet, very sweet, sweet like a knife edge, cutting slice by slice.
Jiang Shiyan smiled through his tears, then laughed until he cried again.
He typed each word with great effort.
He checked it carefully over and over again.
He clicked, sent—
[Tang Yang, let’s break up.]
I don’t know how long I’ve loved you, but it must be a little longer than the time we’ve been together.
I don’t regret taking the step to become lovers, it’s just that I used to be able to cheer, but after tasting the sweetness of honey, I probably won’t be able to smile and give blessings anymore.
We promised to be friends for a lifetime…
I’m sorry, Yang Yang, let’s stop here.
Layer upon layer of dark clouds pressed on the distant sky, dense and impenetrable. The nearby street lamps hissed and growled, the light flickering.
On the screen, the progress bar finished turning.
It seemed to be over.
Jiang Shiyan didn’t know what he should do, or where he should go. He just stared blankly at the empty road ahead: Should he find Cheng Siran to throw a single party, or work overtime frantically to ease his emotions?
Jiang Shiyan threw his phone on the passenger seat and shakily tried to insert the car key, but he had been clumsy these two days, and the key missed the keyhole several times.
They broke up.
Jiang Dagou and Yang Yang broke up.
Jiang Shiyan’s mind was full of images of the supporting role taking a bow, Tang Yang and Song Jing getting married, and them sending him a wedding invitation. His mind was racing with all the wedding details Tang Yang had mentioned before – the trailing white wedding dress, the phoenix crown, and the cloudy mantle…
Jiang Shiyan could barely breathe. He just wanted to rest his head on the steering wheel for a moment. His mouth opened slightly, and tears welled up again, overwhelming him.
But just as he was about to start crying, he heard a “knock knock knock”.
Someone was knocking on the car window.
Jiang Shiyan continued crying.
The person continued knocking “Knock knock knock”.
Jiang Shiyan cried on his own.
The person persisted in knocking.
Jiang Shiyan suddenly pressed the window button, raised his head with a face full of snot and tears, turned his head, and shouted at the window: “Knock knock knock! Knock your mother! If no one responds after knocking once, there’s no one inside, can’t you Freaking see I’m not in a good mood—”
The car window slowly lowered to the bottom.
Jiang Shiyan choked on his words.
Outside the window, Tang Yang stood with a gloomy expression, arms crossed, staring at him.
“Say that again,” she said.
Jiang Shiyan met Tang Yang’s intimidating gaze and was scared stiff.
He had completely forgotten that he had just been trying to break up. Although he didn’t know what Tang Yang meant, he swallowed and still obediently and weakly said: “Knock, knock, knock, knock your mother…”
His voice got smaller and smaller.