The Heart Character Has Turned to Ash

Since that night when he left, she fell gravely ill.

Yet he never came to see her even once.

She thought he must have finally been completely disappointed in her. Fine clothes and food, wealth and honor—he had given her everything. Having reached this point, what more could she dare to covet?

Yun’er saw how severely ill she was, and it looked like her common cold might develop into pneumonia. Now she wouldn’t even take medicine. Finally becoming anxious, Yun’er had no choice but to go find Jiang Manlin.

When Jiang Manlin came to see her, she was shocked by her haggard appearance, “Qingqing, you’ve lost so much weight.”

Manlin was her only friend in the opera troupe, with an extremely gentle disposition who was most favored by their master. Unlike herself—though she sang opera excellently and memorized lyrics quickly, she had an extremely stubborn temperament and had grown up enduring their master’s beatings and scoldings. Every time she was beaten and scolded, she’d return without even food to eat. Manlin would specially toast buckwheat buns on the white stove, secretly hiding them to save for her.

After she left the opera troupe, Manlin became the troupe’s star performer.

As soon as she saw Manlin, tears fell.

As for Yu Mingxuan’s marriage to Jun Minru, there was no need to say much—Manlin knew everything clearly.

Manlin said no more, bringing medicine to feed her, “No matter what, your body is your own. Qingqing, don’t be foolish.” She brought the medicine to Qingqing’s lips. Qingqing lay in bed as a large tear fell, soaking into the pillow. Manlin quickly took out her handkerchief to wipe her tears. On her hand was a jade-green bracelet whose surface gently touched her face, burning with high fever, bringing a soothing coolness.

Manlin stayed to care for her for several days, personally brewing medicine and feeding her meals with meticulous care. Her illness gradually improved, and though her spirits were still poor, she was somewhat better than before. Only then did Jiang Manlin leave.

In the evening, Yun’er helped her walk in the garden outside the small building. It was midsummer, with the garden full of colorful flowers and lush vegetation, fragrant grass everywhere, and a light floral scent floating in the air.

She sat in the garden pavilion for a while, and just as she was about to stand up, suddenly everything went black before her eyes. It felt like a heavy mass plummeted straight down from inside her body. She collapsed to the ground, and just before losing consciousness, she heard Yun’er scream, “Oh no, blood, so much blood!”

That tiny embryo in her body—she hadn’t even noticed its existence—was gone. She suffered in agony for a day and night, the pain so severe she couldn’t breathe, thinking she had no choice but to die. In her confused state, she seemed to hear his voice right by her ear. Like grasping a lifeline while drowning, she desperately reached out her hand, calling his name, “Mingxuan, Mingxuan…”

But there was no response from him. Instead, a woman’s voice came, “Miss, how are you?”

She struggled to recognize it as Yun’er’s voice. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably from pain as she trembled, “Where is he?”

“The regimental commander has left.”

Her hand fell despairingly onto the bedsheet, gripping it tightly. Her fingertips turned blue-white from excessive force. Cold sweat covered her forehead, and another wave of pain suddenly burst from her abdomen like a rupture. Her whole body couldn’t help but curl up, trembling all over, “What did the doctor say about me?”

“The doctor said… the doctor said it will probably be very difficult for you to have children in the future.” Yun’er said through tears.

Hearing just this sentence, she let out a tragic cry from the depths of her heart. Such despair was like a giant rock smashing mercilessly at her head—in an instant, heaven and earth collapsed, her whole body turned to dust. She immediately fainted into hell-like darkness, losing all consciousness.

She was always cold now, extremely weak. As soon as autumn arrived, she wore a cloud-pattern cape meant for deep autumn. The cape was very long, with fine tassels hanging down to her ankles. She wrapped herself tightly in it, curled up on the sofa like protecting herself securely in a cocoon.

She counted the ginkgo leaves falling outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, watching the golden little leaves drift down from the tree, one, two… Sometimes she’d count for a whole day—after all, she had plenty of time.

Jiang Manlin never came to see her again, but she could still hear Manlin’s voice on the radio, singing “The Peony Pavilion” with gentle, melodious tones.

Jiang Manlin became famous so quickly, becoming Jinling’s premier opera star. Now throughout all of Jinling, who wouldn’t know the reputation of Kunqu performer Jiang Manlin?

Yun’er came to persuade her, “Miss, you’ve been cooped up at home for over two months. Why not go out for a walk and get some fresh air?”

She didn’t want to move, but couldn’t resist Yun’er’s urging, “Even just sitting in the car to see the scenery would be good.”

Later she finally did go out. It was evening when the car drove to Jinling’s largest opera house, “Full House Spring.” Yun’er quickly told the driver to stop and said to her with a smile, “Miss, why don’t we go in and listen to some opera?”

The driver said, “Look how crowded it is. Going in now, there probably aren’t any seats.”

Yun’er said, “We haven’t gone in to look yet—how do we know there are no seats? Let me go check first.”

Unexpectedly, Yun’er really found a box on the second floor. She helped her inside to sit down, personally peeled some almonds and wrapped them in a handkerchief for her to eat, then busily poured warm tea. She had just taken a sip of hot tea when drums began beating on stage. Looking toward the stage, she saw “Du Liniang” swaying as she walked on stage. As soon as she opened her mouth to sing, she won thunderous applause from the packed house.

She remembered when she and Jiang Manlin learned opera together, their master always criticized Manlin for having too much worldly flavor in her singing, while Kunqu opera’s soul was elegance—worldly flavor was most taboo. Otherwise, why would it be called “water-ground melody”?

However, their master certainly never imagined that Jiang Manlin could reach today’s heights.

The opera had played for half the performance when she heard commotion in the noisy audience below. She instinctively looked over and suddenly her heart jumped—she saw several adjutants escorting him upstairs to the box across from them. The opera house owner had already greeted him with a beaming smile, personally attending to him and taking a lamp to light his cigarette.

He waved his hand impatiently, and the opera house owner tactfully withdrew.

Jiang Manlin was still singing tenderly on stage: “Though the peony is beautiful, how can it claim spring’s return first? Gazing leisurely, the swallows’ chatter is sharp as scissors, listening to the orioles’ liquid calls so round…” At the final line, she flicked her water sleeves, her eyes full of deep feeling sweeping toward the second-floor box with unspoken longing, truly displaying coquettish charm and spring breezes caressing her face.

He smiled slightly and applauded.

Going downstairs, she couldn’t see the stairs clearly and nearly fell, having to grip Yun’er’s hand tightly to stand steady. The path beneath her feet felt like soft sponge, swaying back and forth. She felt nauseous, as if something was surging up from her chest. Reaching the ground floor, she heard two audience members discussing. One said, “Looks like Boss Jiang is leaving the stage. There’s nothing else worth watching—let’s go back.”

The other said, “We’ve only reached ‘Mountain Goat Song,’ and there are still several more acts. How can Boss Jiang be leaving already?”

That person laughed quietly, “You’re so unobservant. Look upstairs—young master Yu has arrived. Boss Jiang is naturally eager to rush to the small mansion to sing ‘Mountain Peach Red.’ How could she have time to care about your ‘Mountain Goat Song’?”

It was Yu Mingxuan who had promoted Jiang Manlin. To win her smile, he literally threw away gold like dirt, capable of anything. Whenever Jiang Manlin performed, no matter which opera house, there was sure to be Yu Mingxuan sitting in a special box. He even had recordings made of Jiang Manlin, letting her shine in public and private.

This way, Lan Qingqing living in the small building had long been cast from his mind, becoming a passing cloud.

She hadn’t expected that Jiang Manlin would come looking for her.

It was early winter when she had caught cold and couldn’t eat anything since morning. Yun’er was at a loss, and in the evening, Jiang Manlin came wearing a jade-colored brocade cotton cloak. Upon entering, she took it off and used her handkerchief to brush off the snow pearls on her body before smiling radiantly, “Qingqing, I’ve been so busy recently that I couldn’t come see you. Don’t blame me—actually, I’ve been thinking of you in my heart all along.”

Yun’er couldn’t contain her anger, “If you really thought of my young lady, you shouldn’t have done those ‘good deeds.'” Jiang Manlin was startled, then laughed, “Oh my, this girl has such resentment.”

She said softly, “Yun’er, go make tea.”

Though Yun’er’s face still showed indignation, she obeyed the instruction and left the parlor. Jiang Manlin swayed over to sit beside Lan Qingqing, saying softly, “Qingqing, I know you’ve been wronged.”

She said nothing, wanting to see how Jiang Manlin would perform this act.

Jiang Manlin sighed, “I never thought he would actually take a liking to me…” She didn’t finish that sentence, glanced at Lan Qingqing’s expression, and said quietly, “We women have bitter fates—everything is beyond our control, yet we’re so foolish. Knowing men rarely have true hearts, we still fly like moths to flame, deceiving ourselves and others.”

Saying this, Jiang Manlin smiled slightly, “But he’s genuinely sincere with me. A while ago his father privately arranged for people to send me out of Jinling. I couldn’t resist, but fortunately he rushed to rescue me halfway. I learned later that he had a huge fight with his father because of me—father and son quarreled until heaven and earth turned dark.”

Speaking of this, she couldn’t help smiling more, “He’s like a child, staying at my place and refusing to go back. Later his father’s adjutant came looking for him before he finally left. Do you know what that adjutant called me when he saw me?” She paused, her lips curving up, “He called me Second Madam.”

She sat there, turned her head slightly, and two lines of hot tears rolled down.

Jiang Manlin cried “Oh!” and quickly took out her handkerchief to wipe her tears, repeatedly saying, “Qingqing, I know your heart is bitter. In a few days, I’ll plead with him for you, ask him to release you.”

Her heart was bitter, “Then I really must thank you.”

Jiang Manlin squeezed her hand and nodded, “Don’t worry, he still listens to me somewhat.”

She felt as if ten thousand ants were gnawing at her heart, making her even more unable to hold back tears. Just then, urgent footsteps came from outside—extremely familiar footsteps. Faintly Yun’er’s voice could be heard: “Regimental Commander.”

Jiang Manlin’s expression had already changed.

Her heart was instantly suspended tightly. Looking up, she indeed saw him hurrying in from outside with his personal adjutant following behind. He actually wore a furious expression, his gaze sweeping the parlor and first settling on Jiang Manlin.

He said coldly, “Who told you to come here?”

Jiang Manlin had already composed herself and stood up unhurriedly with a smile, “What? I can’t even visit my own sister? You ignore and abandon her—I don’t have your cruelty.”

His expression paused coldly as he stared at Jiang Manlin, then suddenly strode forward, grabbed Jiang Manlin’s arm, and dragged her outside. Manlin hadn’t expected him to do this and didn’t even have time to get her cloak before being dragged out, still saying coquettishly, “Hey, why are you losing your temper? At least let me say goodbye to Sister Lan.” But that voice gradually faded with his footsteps.

She sat there throughout, not moving at all.

After the previous commotion, the parlor was even quieter than before.

Yun’er stood dazed by an arched pillar on one side of the parlor, and after a long while timidly looked up at Lan Qingqing, saying softly, “Miss.”

Lan Qingqing turned to look at some plum branches carelessly stuck in a cloisonné vase. She slowly reached out to gradually straighten those plum blossoms, arranging them in high and low positions. The vase arrangement indeed looked much better than before. She suddenly said softly, “What food is there in the kitchen?”

Yun’er was startled, then after a long pause said, “There’s freshly made millet porridge. I was afraid you hadn’t eaten for several meals and your stomach couldn’t handle it, so I specially had Aunt Zhang add lotus seeds and red dates—most nourishing for the body.”

Lan Qingqing took out her handkerchief and gently wiped the tear traces from her face before smiling slightly, “Millet porridge is good. When I was learning opera with my master, I could only get one bowl on the day I performed. But it wasn’t as elaborate as yours.”

She stood up from the sofa and said to Yun’er, “I’m hungry. I want to eat.”

It was snowing. Jiang Manlin was dragged to the car by Yu Mingxuan, slipping with every three steps. With a “bang,” the car door slammed almost against her face. Before Manlin could catch her breath, he had already gotten in from the other side, his expression frightfully cold. The adjutant had also gotten in and sat in front, telling the driver, “Drive.”

As the car started moving, Jiang Manlin’s composure returned slightly. She turned to look at him and actually laughed coldly, “What’s wrong? Did I strike your heart and make you unhappy?”

Before her words finished, he raised his hand and slapped her hard. The force was tremendous—she crashed headfirst into the front seat, her ears ringing. She tasted blood in her mouth, half her face burning with pain. He grabbed her back, his eyes radiating menacing fury, “If you dare visit her again, I’ll take your life!”

Blood seeped from the corner of her mouth, but she still faced him fearlessly, “Now I finally understand—you’re harming me. You’re deliberately harming me!”

“You should have known long ago!”

She smiled coldly and bitterly, “From the beginning you calculated everything. The better you treat me, the more miserably you want me to die!”

He said indifferently, “You owe me a life. You should die in her place!”

Jiang Manlin had long thrown caution to the wind and now feared nothing, saying viciously, “Ask your father who owes that life. He could even harm his own grandson—I was just following his orders. But if I die and become a vengeful ghost in hell, I’ll curse your Yu family to have no descendants.”

She thought this sentence would make him even angrier, but unexpectedly, upon hearing this, he actually released his grip and pushed her aside. She curled up there like a cat that had exhausted all its strength, gasping and unable to move anymore.

He turned to look out the window. Outside was vast night, reflecting in his eyes and becoming iron-gray in color.

A few days later, Lan Qingqing called his adjutant’s office, just saying she wanted to see him.

The adjutant seemed troubled and said apologetically, “Miss Lan, the regimental commander has volunteered to lead troops to the Luping battlefield. He’s been very busy recently…”

She said, “Tell him to come. I only have one thing to say to him—it won’t take much of his time.”

When he came it was already night, with heavy snow falling. Since New Year was approaching, distant fireworks and firecrackers could be heard. He walked straight into the bedroom and saw her standing by the window watching fireworks, her expression as calm as still water.

He turned to sit on the sofa and said indifferently, “What do you want?” He casually took out a cigarette to bite between his lips, getting a match from his matchbox, preparing to light it.

She turned to look at him and said quietly, “I want to leave you.”

The match stopped at the striking surface, not moving for a long time.

His expression suddenly froze. Wind howled outside the window, but inside the room was extremely quiet. She silently walked over, took the matchbox from his hand, struck the match on the surface, cupped that small flame with one hand, and brought it before his eyes.

The expression in his dark eyes was completely exposed by that firelight, with nowhere to hide.

She first was slightly startled, then suddenly tears appeared in her eyes. Those tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. Afraid that her last bit of courage would be destroyed by that look, she threw away the match like fleeing, stepped back several paces, and choked out, “If that’s the case, why do you treat me this way?”

He stood up from the sofa, looked at her tearful face, and after a long moment suddenly smiled slightly, “Anyway, I don’t want you anymore.”

Tears scattered from her eyes like thrown sand, her heart pierced by knives. Hearing his words, she lifted the corners of her mouth slightly upward and said softly, “Good, that’s truly wonderful.”

A tear entered her mouth, its bitter taste spreading between lips and teeth.

She had long prepared her belongings, waiting downstairs. After saying this, she turned and quickly walked to the coat rack, taking her cloak from it and putting it on. He stood behind her. The cloak’s buttons were shaped like tiny jasmine flowers. For some reason, she couldn’t fasten them—her fingers wouldn’t stop trembling.

She quickly stopped trying to fasten them and went directly to push the door. The moment her hand touched the door handle, it was pressed down by another hand. He pulled her tightly into his embrace. She desperately tried to pry his hands apart but couldn’t. Both struggled silently against each other until he pulled her back from the door.

Her anger and grievance intensified. She simply punched and kicked, crying, “Liar, you liar!” She bit down hard on his wrist, using all her force. The taste of blood filled her mouth. His body tensed but he still didn’t release her. Her scalding tears fell patter-patter.

He said, “Give me one last night. After tonight, I’ll let you go.”

Her heart burned like fire as she said angrily, “You’re shameless!”

The night seemed like thick ink splashed on the window, casting both their shadows on it. Her cloak had long fallen to the floor. She tripped over the cloak, and with his force, both fell onto the bed together. She desperately struggled out of his embrace but was held tightly by him, barely able to breathe. He gripped her jaw with one hand and kissed her fiercely. The qipao buttons had already been torn open by him. His cold palm brazenly slid across her bare skin. If this continued, the result would still be her complete defeat.

She truly became desperate, making muffled sounds, both hands violently beating against him. He suddenly raised his head and called out hoarsely, “Qingqing…”

Her hands pressed firmly against his chest. In her eyes appeared his firm, resolute face, but his eyes flickered with near-death despair. She had never seen him like this—like a fragile child about to lose everything. Strands of pain silently gathered in his eyes, making one’s heart ache along with them.

Her hands silently relaxed as tears fell soundlessly from the corners of her eyes.

The next day at noon, his adjutant came looking for her: “Miss Lan, the regimental commander has some things to give you.”

She sat in the parlor listening to the adjutant speak, “The regimental commander is leaving this small building to Miss Lan. The property certificate is here.” The adjutant spoke slowly, taking out materials and certificates one by one from his briefcase, along with a small seal carved with her name. “The regimental commander deposited 200,000 silver dollars for Miss Lan at Jinling Bank. With this seal you can withdraw money at any time.”

After finishing everything, the adjutant said politely, “The regimental commander has one more message for me to convey to Miss Lan.”

She looked up at the adjutant, “What message?”

“From now on, in life, death, marriage, or remarriage, we are no longer connected.”