“It’s me. Stop sending air—I won’t accept it anymore. You’re very good, but it’s impossible for us. My heart has no room for another person. We’re not two substances that can collide.” I said everything in one breath.

He was silent.

“Did you hear me?” I didn’t know if he was still listening.

“Mm.” He acknowledged.

I looked at the F-15 fighter plane he’d assembled sitting in front of me. I’d wanted to ask him:

“Can we still be friends?”

But I felt childish and never opened my mouth.

Someone like him, a pampered young master, probably wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

Sure enough, Gao Haiming didn’t send the thirty-third can of air.

To promote a new brand of shampoo and conditioner his company represented, I had to go to his company for meetings. Fortunately, the person meeting with me wasn’t him but the marketing department head. Several times when I went to his company and passed by his office, I couldn’t see him—he seemed to be deliberately avoiding me.

This day, after finishing a meeting in his company’s conference room, I passed by his office and finally saw him. As usual, he was bent over assembling a model.

“Hey.” I stood at the door and greeted him.

He looked up and saw me, his expression somewhat awkward.

“What model fighter plane is this?” I asked him.

“It’s an F-18D,” he said.

“Is this your thirty-fourth fighter plane?” I remembered he’d said last time that including mine, he’d assembled a total of thirty-three fighter planes.

“Mm.” He nodded and continued assembling his fighter plane.

“I won’t disturb you,” I said.

“Am I very persistent?” he asked me.

I shook my head: “People who study science are all very persistent. Every scientific theory might be overturned by others in the future, but scientists all firmly believe their theories can withstand the test of time and won’t be overturned.”

“Yes, two substances not being able to collide is just a matter of time.”

“Goodbye,” I said.

As I turned to leave, I suddenly understood why he wanted to send me thirty-three cans of air—because he’d also assembled thirty-three fighter plane models. He’d said that thirty-three fighter planes in different corners represented love. Did thirty-three cans of air also mean this?

I felt so useless—this was my first job, and I’d actually gotten into this kind of situation with my first client.

In the following months, Gao Haiming didn’t contact me again.

“Will you go to Xiaojue’s graduation ceremony?” Mengmeng asked me one day.

“Plane tickets are so expensive—I won’t go. Besides, he’ll be back the day after the ceremony,” I said.

I couldn’t believe it had been three years already. In four more months, Xiaojue would graduate.

“That’s really a pity,” Mengmeng said. “Haven’t you heard some plane tickets are very cheap?”

I really longed to attend Xiaojue’s university graduation ceremony—this day was very important to him.

I bought a type of ticket to England at a travel agency that went via Dubai—much cheaper than direct flights.

Xiaojue decided to return the day after the graduation ceremony. I didn’t tell him I was going to England—I wanted to surprise him.

I took three days off to go to England, thinking everything would go smoothly. Who knew that when I was transferring in Dubai, the airport was sealed off, with many armed soldiers entering. I heard from the broadcast that an Islamic group claimed they’d planted a bomb in the airport, so the military had to seal the airport to search. All flights were forced to cancel.

If I waited another day, I wouldn’t make it to Xiaojue’s graduation ceremony in time.

I waited two days at the Dubai airport and the airport still wasn’t reopened—I definitely couldn’t make it to Xiaojue’s graduation ceremony now. I called Xiaojue from the airport—I had no choice but to tell him now. The phone rang through to his dorm room, and a woman answered.

“He’s not here,” she said in English.

Who was she? Maybe his roommate’s girlfriend.

I told her about my situation.

“I’ll tell him,” she said.

I spent two lonely days in Dubai. I really hated myself—why did I have to be so cheap and buy this kind of ticket? It was now 10 a.m.—Xiaojue had already put on his graduation gown and was sitting in the auditorium.

The airport was finally reopened. When the plane arrived at Heathrow, Xiaojue wasn’t there. I took the train to the University of Bristol.

“He left this morning,” his roommate said.

His ticket was for today—I thought he’d wait for me, but maybe the ticket couldn’t be extended.

I waited at the airport for a standby seat back to Hong Kong—I’d already waited a day and didn’t know how long I’d have to wait.

In the airport bathroom, I finally couldn’t help crying. A British woman comforted me:

“Are you alright?”

I shook my head. Actually, I was tired and hungry—I never imagined I’d be stranded at Heathrow Airport.

I called Xiaojue from the airport—he’d really gone home.

“Where are you?” he asked me.

“At Heathrow Airport, waiting for a seat.”

“They said there wouldn’t be any seats for the next week, so I had to come back,” he said.

“I know.” I held back my tears, not wanting him to worry. “I’ll be back soon.”

The next day, I finally got a seat.

When I arrived in Hong Kong, I rushed straight to Xiaojue’s home in North Point. He was eating dinner with his mother, three sisters, brothers-in-law, and two nieces. I’d thought we’d embrace at Heathrow—I never expected things to be so terrible.

After three years, Xiaojue seemed to have grown taller—or maybe it was because he’d become thinner.

I’d originally thought of so many things to say to him, but in front of so many people, I couldn’t open my mouth.

“Sit down and eat, Huan’er,” his mother said to me.

“Now that you’ve completed your studies, you must repay someone,” his third sister said.

I smiled at Xiaojue—as long as he achieved something, any hardship I endured was worth it.

“That person is me—your tuition really wasn’t cheap,” his third sister said while using her chopsticks to move dishes in front of me.

She actually erased my contribution! I didn’t like his third sister—she’d always been a snobbish woman.

After dinner, Xiaojue walked me home.

“You haven’t walked this road with me for three years,” I said, holding his hand.

“Thank you for supporting my studies these three years,” he said.

“Don’t say that—” I stopped him.

“When I earn money in the future, I’ll pay you back.”

“I don’t want you to pay me back,” I said.

He placed both hands on my shoulders:

“I’ll give you happiness.”

At that moment, I had a feeling of relief after hardship—I almost shed tears.

“What kind of work do you plan to find?” I asked him.

“Of course join an accounting firm for training. There are several major accounting firms in Hong Kong—I’ll start writing job applications tomorrow.”

“When I called you in Dubai, why was there a girl answering the phone?”

“She’s my roommate’s girlfriend.”

I’d guessed correctly.

“I thought she was someone else,” I said.

“Don’t you trust me?”

“How could I not? Besides you, I don’t know who to trust.”

“You’ve lost weight,” he said, touching my cheek.

“It’s fine,” I said.

Almost half a month had passed, and Xiaojue still couldn’t find work.

“Didn’t you go for an interview that day? What was the result?” I asked him.

“They hired me.”

“Then why aren’t you going to work?”

“That accounting firm is too small,” he said. “I want to join Moores Rowland—it’s the largest Chinese-owned accounting firm in the industry.”

“Did you write an application letter?”

“I did, but there’s been no response. These Chinese companies need some personal connections, which I don’t have.”

The next day, I steeled myself and called Gao Haiming—I hadn’t seen him for a long time.

“It’s me, Qiu Huan’er,” I said.

“Huan’er?” His voice sounded somewhat excited.

“Could you please do me a favor?”

“What is it?”

“You said your brother-in-law is a partner at Moores Rowland. Could you ask your sister to recommend someone to your brother-in-law?”

“Who?” he asked me.

“His name is Qu Xiaojue. He just graduated from the University of Bristol in England. He’s already written an application letter, but there’s been no response.”

“Alright, I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” I said.

After rejecting him and then asking him for help—I didn’t expect he’d actually help.

Two days later, Xiaojue told me excitedly:

“Moores Rowland called me for an interview.”

Gao Haiming had helped me.

Xiaojue was notified that same day that he was hired.

“When do you start work?” I asked him.

“The first of next month,” he said.

“Then you need a few decent suits,” I said.

“Where would I get money? I don’t even have a credit card—wearing old clothes is fine.”

“How can that be? Didn’t you say it’s a very large accounting firm? You should dress decently.”

I accompanied Xiaojue to buy suits. He selected two, and I paid for them.

“Where did you get money?” he asked me.

“I can just use my card—I don’t have to pay back immediately.”

I put two thousand dollars in his wallet and said: “You’ll need money when you start work.”

Fortunately, his starting salary was higher than mine—I was already deep in debt.

To thank Gao Haiming for his help, I prepared a gift for him. Since he liked fighter plane models so much, why not give him a model?

I went to that model shop in Mong Kok where Gao Haiming assembled models for people and saw that same boss again.

“It’s you again?” He recognized me. “Want someone to assemble a model again?”

“What kind of fighter planes hasn’t that person who assembles models done yet?” I asked him.

“He’s done many already.”

I browsed in front of the model shelf and found a very interesting-looking model fighter plane.

“What fighter plane is this?” I asked the boss.

“EA-6A Wild Weasel—not very new.”

“Has he assembled it?”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“I’ll take this one—please wrap it for me.”

“Don’t you want him to assemble it?” the boss asked me.

“I’ll just take it away.”

He looked somewhat puzzled.

“Do you know him?” he asked me.

I smiled and shook my head.

The next day, I specially delivered the gift to Gao Haiming. His secretary said he wasn’t there.

“Could you give this to him for me?” I asked his secretary.

“Of course.”

The next day at the office, I received a call from Gao Haiming.

“Thank you for the gift,” he said.

“No, I should be thanking you for your help.”

“Have you ever seen a wild weasel?”

“You mean the fighter plane?”

“No, I mean a wild weasel.”

“I haven’t seen one. That fighter plane is designed based on the wild weasel’s appearance, right? The wild weasel probably looks like that.”

“When a wild weasel encounters an enemy, it shoots an incredibly foul-smelling liquid from its anus with perfect accuracy. Even if the person hit soaks in perfumed water for three days and nights, they can only barely wash away the smell.”

“No wonder the fighter plane is called Wild Weasel,” I said with a laugh.

“Actually, weasels have gentle natures—they only fight back when attacked. When two male weasels compete for a female, they also have a gentleman’s agreement—they can slap with their paws and bite with their mouths, but they won’t use the foul liquid to hurt each other.”

“They’re quite gentlemanly.”

I didn’t know if Gao Haiming meant he and Xiaojue would have a gentleman’s competition. His willingness to recommend Xiaojue was also a display of gentlemanly conduct.

“In any case, thank you for your help,” I said.

“You don’t need to thank me—you never need to,” he said. “Even if you don’t love me, I’ll protect you for life.”

I was speechless.

Sometimes I couldn’t believe a man would treat me this well. Perhaps when men can’t have a woman, they all say things like “I’ll protect you forever” and “you never need to thank me”—deeply affectionate words. They deliberately cut open a wound for themselves, but this kind of wound heals quickly, and they forget their promises to this woman.

“Xiaojue, will you make me a promise?” I asked Xiaojue.

“What promise?” he asked me.

“I don’t know.” I nestled against him.

“Why is it always men making promises to women and not women making promises to men?” he asked me.

“Because women are the creatures in the world who most love hearing promises. Will you give me a promise?”

“I’ll love you for seventy summers,” Xiaojue said.

“Why summer?”

“It’s summer now.”

“Seventy summers, really?”

“Unless there are no more summers in the world.” He vowed solemnly.

“Xiaojue, you’ve changed. You never used to say sweet words.”

“You asked me to say them,” he said, looking somewhat innocent.

I hoped my feeling was wrong—I felt Xiaojue was somewhat different from when he’d left me three years ago. I didn’t know if this difference was because we hadn’t seen each other for three years and still needed time to adjust, or if there were other reasons.

“Are you getting used to the work?” I asked him.

“It’s alright, though the people there all seem very snobbish.”

“Facing numbers every day, it’s inevitable,” I comforted him.

“I still have to deal with exams,” he said.

“Is money enough?” I asked him.

He nodded.

I took out a thousand dollars from my wallet and gave it to him: “I have more here.”

“I don’t need it,” he said.

“You’re different from me—you’re an accountant. You can’t be too shabby. You can’t bring a lunch box to eat, can you?”

“I’ll pay you back when I get my salary.”

“Are you still going to haggle with me?”

“Don’t blame my sister, she—”

“I don’t,” I said.

I finally struggled through to payday. After deducting what I had to repay Mengmeng’s mother, household expenses for Dad, and clearing my credit card balance, very little remained. Fortunately, in the afternoon I received a call from Zhu Danni—she was my MLM customer who lived in Quarry Bay and often introduced other customers to me. She was very troublesome—if it weren’t for the money, I really didn’t like dealing with her. For instance, this day she only called in the afternoon but wanted me to deliver goods to her that evening.

“If you’re not free, you don’t have to have dinner with me,” Xiaojue said.

“No, I can leave by 8:30,” I said.

Zhu Danni was playing mahjong with three ladies at a restaurant. When I arrived, Zhu Danni had lost a lot of money.

“Miss Zhu, your diamond ring is so beautiful,” I said, seeing she’d changed to a new diamond ring on her left ring finger.

“Just bought it today, and now I’m losing money,” she complained. “I really want to eat pig’s blood and radish—do they have it here?”

The woman sitting across from her said: “How would this kind of place have pig’s blood and radish!”

“There seems to be a stall nearby—I’ll go buy some,” I said.

“How embarrassing,” Zhu Danni said.

“It’s fine—I want to eat it too,” I said.

I walked to a nearby food stall and bought a large box of pig’s blood and radish. Just then I ran into Xiaojue.

“What are you carrying?” he asked me.

“I’ll be right there,” I said.

I hurried up to the restaurant and accidentally splashed radish juice on my skirt—what bad luck.

“Thank you,” Zhu Danni said.

“How’s this round going?” I asked Zhu Danni.

“As soon as you left, I started winning,” she said bluntly.

“It’s all my fault.”

“How much?”

“Oh, small matter.”

“I mean the skincare products.”

“Oh, this is the receipt.” I handed her the receipt.

“Ow, it hurts.” She rubbed both shoulders with her hands.

“Is it here?” I rubbed her shoulders for her.

“Yes, very comfortable.”

I’d originally intended to just rub a couple of times, but at this point it was awkward to stop.

“Thank you.” Zhu Danni gave me money.

“I’ll go now,” I said.

Coming out of the room, Xiaojue was standing right outside.

“Where should we go for dinner?” I asked him.

“Up to you,” he said.

“In two more years, I’ll stop doing MLM,” I said.

I thought in two more years, with better salary and Xiaojue earning money, I wouldn’t want to be this kind of servant.

“I got my salary today,” I told him.

“Really?”

He seemed listless.

When he walked me home, I asked him: “Is something bothering you today?”

“No,” he said.

He seemed to have many more worries now than before.

For the next two months, Xiaojue kept saying he had to work overtime, and we rarely met.

“Can I come to your house for dinner tonight?” I asked him on the phone that day.

“Mm,” he said.

I ate at his house, but he didn’t come home for dinner. That night, I waited until midnight before he returned.

“You haven’t left yet?” he asked me.

“Very busy?” I asked him.

He nodded.

“Then I’ll go back—you don’t need to walk me.”

“Mm,” he said.

I didn’t expect he really didn’t plan to walk me.

“Have you been very busy lately?” I asked him.

“Mm.” He closed his eyes and said.

“Then take care of your health—don’t wear yourself out.”

I covered him with a blanket before leaving.

Just after leaving Xiaojue’s house, I received a call from Mengmeng. Since I was feeling down anyway, I arranged to meet her in Tsim Sha Tsui for coffee.

“I did that thing with Hu Tietan,” she said.

“Did what?” I was confused.

“That thing!” She winked at me.

“Really? When did you start?”

“When you went to England that time, I was very bored and asked him out. Yu Deren wasn’t free, so it was just the two of us. We talked a lot—turns out although we’ve known each other for so long, we never really understood each other.”

“That night, you went to bed?”

“No.”

“One day, I went to the police station to pick him up from work, and he came out holding a large bouquet of ginger flowers for me. Who gives a girl ginger flowers? That’s the kind of person he is.”

“More like you’d been secretly in love with him all along,” I said.

“We went to bed amid the fragrance of ginger flowers.”

She looked very nostalgic.

“Why so listless?” she asked me.

“I feel like Xiaojue has been different from before since he came back.”

“Has his heart changed?”

“He wouldn’t.”

“We’re all so young—how can we expect to never change?”

“You and Tietan still ended up together—childhood sweetheart feelings are very solid,” I said.

“Is Gao Haiming still contacting you?”

“No.”

“Hey, why do men like women’s breasts so much?” Mengmeng suddenly asked me. She wasn’t listening to me at all—she was still thinking about Tietan.

“How would I know? I’m not a man,” I said with a laugh.

“Could it be because they don’t have them themselves?”

“Maybe they lack a sense of security.”

“Women lack security too!”

“Women’s breasts are like men’s shoulders,” I said.

“That feeling is so warm,” Mengmeng said sweetly.

Since Xiaojue returned to Hong Kong, we’d only been intimate three times.

“Don’t worry—maybe he’s grown up. Everyone grows up—it can’t be avoided,” Mengmeng said.

Maybe Xiaojue had really grown up—I needed time to understand this kind of growing up.

“This weekend Tietan graduates from police academy—I’ve reserved a table for dinner. You must come,” Mengmeng said.

“Definitely,” I said.

“What gift should we buy for Tietan?” I asked Xiaojue on the phone.

“You decide—I don’t have time these days,” he said.

“Xiaojue, is there something wrong between us?” I couldn’t help asking him.

“What would be wrong?” he asked me back.

“Maybe I’m being paranoid. See you this weekend.”

After work, I bought a military watch at a shop selling military supplies near the mall to give to Tietan. Next to the military shop was a model shop. In the window I saw an assembled Wild Weasel fighter plane. Had Gao Haiming finished assembling his?

Weekend evening, Mengmeng, Tietan, Yu Deren, Xiaojue, and I had dinner by the hotel pool.

“Xiaojue and I chose it—do you like it?” I gave the military watch to Tietan.

“I like it.” Mengmeng snatched it from Tietan’s hand, put it on her wrist, and said to Tietan: “We’ll each wear it for a day.”

“Let’s cut the cake!” Yu Deren said. “To celebrate Tietan officially becoming a police officer.”

Tietan cut the cake. I passed a piece to Xiaojue, and Mengmeng’s elbow happened to bump me—I accidentally dropped the cake on Xiaojue’s pants.

“Shit! You’re so clumsy!” He swept the cake off his pants with one hand and harshly scolded me.

He’d never spoken to me like this before, and in public too. I was so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. To save face, I forced myself to say to him: “Why are you getting so angry? It’s not a big deal.”

“It was my fault for being careless,” Mengmeng said.

He didn’t speak again all evening.

That atmosphere was terrifyingly silent—we’d never been like this before.

“I’m sorry.” On the way home, I said to him.

“You don’t need to apologize to me—you’re the one who supported my education.”

“I never thought of using that to threaten you,” I explained.

“Maybe we’ve been apart too long—don’t you think we’re both different from before?” he said.

“What exactly happened?” I asked him.

“Nothing,” he said.

“Have you fallen for someone else?” I asked him.

“Do I seem like it?” he asked me back.

“You’ve changed,” I said.

“You’ve changed too,” he said. “That day at the restaurant when I saw you serving people like that—don’t you think you were being so degrading?”

I never expected this sentence to come from his mouth. This sentence hurt even more than him calling me clumsy just now. He was my boyfriend—how could he criticize me like this? So this matter had been buried in his heart all along, and he only said it now.

“I did it for money too,” I said.

“The money you spent supporting my education these three years—I’ll pay you back,” he said.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked him. “When I said for money, I didn’t mean I wanted you to pay me back.”

“That’s what I owe you.”

“Xiaojue, what do you mean?” I couldn’t help crying.

“Maybe our pace is no longer in sync,” he said.

“Pace no longer in sync?” I couldn’t believe it.

“These three years, we’ve been in different environments—”

“We wrote letters!”

“How much do you know about the hardship I endured in England?” he asked me back. “In winter, the heating in my room broke down. I put on all the clothes I’d brought and was still shivering all over, unable to sleep all night. Do you know how many times I slipped on the frozen ground?”

I was speechless. These three years, the hardship I endured—I thought he would know, but it turned out he never thought about me at all. I thought we were struggling together, but he thought he was struggling alone.

“Let’s both calm down,” he said.

I secretly cried in my room all night.

“What’s wrong?” Le’er, sleeping beside me, asked.

“Nothing,” I said.

She turned her back to me and slept.

Ten years—I couldn’t believe Xiaojue would leave me. He wasn’t that kind of person. He wouldn’t leave me.

The next day at the office, I couldn’t muster the energy to work. Fang Yuan happily told me that the bottle of 1982 PETRUS I’d bought for him had appreciated in value again.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror looking at myself. Was I really as degrading as Xiaojue said? When I worked hard to earn money, did I look so ugly that no man would love me?

Wang Zhen came out of a toilet stall. She was wearing a tank top and shorts. Her originally frail frame now had very solid arms, broader shoulders, and her belly was gone.

“You—” I didn’t know when she’d become like this.

“I’ve been working out. After exercising, my health improved. Now I’m simply in love with fitness—my trainer is Mr. Hong Kong.” She admired herself in the mirror.

Yes, everything changes.

“Huan’er, are you afraid of losing Xiaojue?” Mengmeng asked me.

“Afraid—more afraid than death,” I said.

“He’s your first man. Most women don’t end up with their first man. I want you to remember, in case you lose him—”

“You think he’ll change?” I stopped her from continuing.

“Who can guarantee they won’t change? He would never have treated you like that day before. You love him too much, so he dares to hurt you.”

“He loves me—we were just apart for three years and need time to adjust.”

I didn’t dare tell Mengmeng that Xiaojue said I was degrading. For a woman, those two words pierce the heart more than “I don’t love you.” I could be criticized as degrading by any man, but not by my own man.

“Sometimes I really envy you,” Mengmeng said.

“What’s there to envy about me? I envy you.”

“It takes so much love to trust a man like that.”

“Yes, if he changes, I’ll have nothing. If even Xiaojue changes, I’ll never love any man again,” I said.

“We keep saying Xiaojue will change, but he won’t!” Mengmeng patted the back of my hand. “You should hurry home and wait for his call.”

I rushed home to wait for Xiaojue’s call.

“Sister.”

Le’er showed me her report card. Her grades were terrible—only two subjects passed.

“Did you study at all?” I was very angry.

“I ran into Xiaojue on the street today,” she said.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“He was with a woman.”

“Probably a colleague—what’s so special about that?”

“They were very intimate!”

My heart felt like it was brutally split by an axe. He’d fallen for someone else. He wanted to leave, not because I was degrading, but because he no longer loved me. Being degrading was just an excuse.

The next day after work, I waited for him outside his accounting firm. When he saw me, he looked somewhat surprised.

“Huan’er, what are you doing here?” he asked me.

“Are you never going to contact me again?”

“I just hope we can both calm down.”

“Is there a third party?” I asked him directly.

“If there’s a problem between us, whether there’s a third party or not, there’s still a problem.”

“So is there or isn’t there?” I asked him.

“No,” he said decisively.

Could Le’er be lying?

“I really don’t understand—we waited three years and can finally be together. Why did it turn out like this?” I asked him mournfully.

“I know you’ve done a lot for me these three years. I’m not an ungrateful person.”

“You don’t have to stay by my side out of obligation. That’s not what I need.”

“Can we both just calm down? Maybe we really were apart too long and need time to adjust.”

I found it strange he could speak so calmly. At this moment, did I love him far more than he loved me?

That night when I got home, I was about to scold Le’er when I found Dad worrying in the room.

“Le’er still hasn’t come home,” he said.

I looked at my watch—it was midnight. Le’er had never stayed out this late before.

I checked Le’er’s drawer and found she’d taken her ID card and some clothes. The eight hundred dollars I’d kept in the drawer was also gone.

“Let’s report it to the police—she’s run away from home.”

By the time we left the police station, it was past 2 a.m. I didn’t dare wake Xiaojue, so I thought of Tietan.

“Although it’s not my district, after work I can help look for your sister,” Tietan said. “Maybe she’s just out playing for a few days—don’t worry too much.”

The next day, I told Xiaojue my sister was missing.

“I’m not going to work today—I’ll search everywhere,” I said.

“The sea of humanity—where would you search?” he said. “I can’t take leave today.”

Dad and I looked for her in places Le’er usually liked to go. We searched all day but couldn’t find her.

The next day, detectives from the Missing Persons Unit came to take our statements.

“Who else does your sister usually associate with?” the detective asked me.

I couldn’t help sobbing at the table.

Tietan’s side had no news either. Every day I checked the newspapers, and when I saw news of bodies being discovered, I was terrified it might be Le’er.

Two weeks passed with no news of Le’er. Dad and I still had to go to work as usual. With one person missing from the house, it became very quiet. Dad drank every night.

“Am I an unqualified father?” he asked me.

“We don’t understand her,” I said.

Le’er’s personality wasn’t like Dad’s or mine—she spoke little and wasn’t good at communicating with people.

This day, I went to Gao Haiming’s company for a meeting and ran into him in the elevator.

“You look terrible,” he said.

“There’s been something happening at home recently,” I said.

“What is it?”

“My sister has gone missing—she ran away from home.”

“How old is your sister?”

“Thirteen.”

“That young?”

“We’ve already reported it—almost a month now, and we still can’t find her.”

“Do you have a photo of her? I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

I found a photo of Le’er and me in my wallet.

“Only this one,” I said.

He took the photo and said: “I’ll keep this.”

Every day at lunch and after work, I wandered the streets hoping that one day I’d run into Le’er on the street. Walking on the streets, I experienced for the first time what it meant to be lost in a sea of humanity.

This day, tired from walking, I called Xiaojue.

“I really want to see you—is that okay?” I choked up.

“Don’t cry. Where are you?” he asked me.

We met at a restaurant in Causeway Bay.

“My sister has gone missing—do you know?” I asked him.

“How would I not know?”

“But you don’t seem concerned at all. You don’t even have time to accompany me to look for her,” I complained.

“Where would I look? Even Hu Tietan can’t find her—would I have a solution? I get off work at 10 p.m. every day. I have to work, and I have exams too—you know that.”

“Forget it,” I said. “You don’t care about me at all.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“What’s the point of being together? When I need you, you’re not by my side.”

“Stop being unreasonable, okay? Where do you want me to look for your sister?”

There was a time when I saw love and tenderness in Xiaojue’s eyes, but at this moment, I could no longer see these feelings in his eyes—I only saw a dejected reflection of myself in his pupils. I was somewhat at a loss. When did he stop loving me?

“Is there a third party?” I asked him.

This time, he didn’t answer me.

My heart broke.

“How long has it been going on?” My voice trembled.

“Even if there is a third party, it has nothing to do with the problems between us.”

“Have you forgotten what you said? You said, unless there are no more summers in the world—” I asked him mournfully.

He was silent.

“Say something!”

“Why do you have to get to the bottom of everything?” he asked me back.

“Unless there are no more summers in the world—” I repeated desolately.

He’d said this sentence not long ago—it was still vivid.

“That’s what I thought at the time—” he said.

“At the time?” I laughed bitterly. “Did you ever love me?”

He nodded.

I suddenly felt so stupid. I couldn’t hear a word he was saying—I just wanted him to help me deceive myself. I didn’t even dare ask him: “Do you love me now?”

“Let’s talk after we find your sister,” he said.

“Have you found your sister?” Yu Deren called to ask me.

“Not yet,” I said.

“I’ll accompany you to look tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, see you tomorrow.”

The next day after work, Yu Deren drove to pick me up.

“Where did you get a car?” I asked him.

“Borrowed it from a friend—having a car is more convenient.”

“Thank you.”

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

“Have I?”

Yu Deren drove from Hong Kong to Sai Kung.

“That’s Tai Long Wan over there. Remember we spent a night at Tai Long Wan? That haunted house was really scary,” Yu Deren said.

How could I not remember? If we hadn’t grown up, would Xiaojue have stayed by my side?

“How are things with you and Xiaojue?” Yu Deren asked me.

“He wants to break up—” I said sadly.

“How can he do this?”

“Don’t talk about it anymore,” I stopped him from continuing.

We drove from Sai Kung to Tsim Sha Tsui. I looked at every girl walking past on the street but didn’t see Le’er.

“Stop looking—we won’t find her. Let’s go home,” I said.

I fell asleep in the chair from exhaustion.

“We’re here,” Yu Deren said softly.

“Mm.” I opened my eyes and realized Yu Deren was holding my hand.

“What are you doing?” I pulled away.

His face turned bright red as he explained to me: “I’ve always really liked you.”

“I’m going to tell Xiaojue,” I said angrily, unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out.

“Huan’er—” Yu Deren chased after me.

“I didn’t think you were this kind of person,” I scolded him.

“Don’t I have the right to like you?” he asked me back.

“Right—you don’t have the right,” I said.

“Why?”

I couldn’t answer.

“You’ve always looked down on me,” Yu Deren said.

He was right—in my heart I looked down on him. I’d never thought about the possibility of him and me.

“You actually think I’m very degrading, right?” he said dejectedly.

Degrading? Wasn’t this Xiaojue’s criticism of me? It turned out Yu Deren and I were the same type of people. People who aren’t loved all become degrading.

“Actually, I’m just as degrading as you,” I said through tears.

“I’m sorry,” Yu Deren said shamefully.

I waved my hand and said: “Don’t tell Xiaojue.”

As soon as I got home, I received a page from Gao Haiming.

“I found your sister,” he said on the phone.

“Really? Where is she?”

“Working at a flower shop in Flower Market. She’s already off work now—we can only find her at dawn. I’ll accompany you tomorrow.”

Why would Le’er hide in a flower shop?

At 5 a.m., Gao Haiming drove to pick me up and go to Flower Market. I indeed saw Le’er moving goods inside a flower shop. She’d cut her long hair short and looked a bit older than her actual age.

“Le’er—” I called her.

When she saw me, she wasn’t surprised at all. That’s the kind of person she was—sometimes, her face showed no expression at all.

“Why did you run away from home?” I asked her.

“Don’t like studying,” she said.

I’d originally prepared many things to scold her about, but at this moment, I actually reached out to touch her head.

“Come home,” I said to her.

When Dad saw Le’er, he was overjoyed.

To thank Gao Haiming, I took him to dinner at his favorite Italian restaurant in Wan Chai.

“Thank you,” I said. “How did you find her?”

“I took the photo and looked everywhere, and also asked a private detective to help. Yesterday, I unexpectedly saw her at Flower Market. I wasn’t entirely sure it was her—she was still very young in the photo.”

“That was taken two years ago.”

“Where did she stay during her time away?”

“She’s very bold—sleeping in parks, sleeping in guesthouses.”

“Why did you think she’d be at Flower Market?”

“I once ran away from home too,” Gao Haiming said.

“Really?”

“I worked at a factory. Two weeks later, a private detective my mother hired found me. On my first day away from home, I went to Flower Market and spent half the money I had on many daisies.”

“Spent half your fortune on daisies?”

“I liked them,” he said.

“Why did you run away?” I asked him.

“Maybe I was too bored. Those two weeks were actually very happy. Even now, if work isn’t going well, I want to run away, but I don’t have the courage anymore.”

“I’ve never had that courage.”

“You’re more fortunate,” he said.

“Fortunate?”

“You don’t need to escape reality.”

“I think you and my sister are more fortunate—you can leave when you don’t like something.”

“What does your sister plan to do in the future?”

“Dad’s afraid she’ll run away again, so he doesn’t dare force her to continue studying.”

“Have you thought about letting her go abroad? Maybe Hong Kong’s educational environment doesn’t suit her.”

“How could I afford to support her?”

“Is she interested in going to Japan? I have a Japanese friend who could help. First let your sister go to Japan to learn the language and live with my friend’s family. He and his wife will take care of her. Living expenses won’t be a problem—they’ve helped other students before.”

“Tuition also costs money.”

“Compared to living expenses, tuition is very cheap. I can help.”

“I can’t accept your help.”

I didn’t want to owe Gao Haiming anymore.

“Why don’t you ask your sister what she thinks? Give her a chance.”

On the way home, I thought—I was willing to support Xiaojue to go abroad but wouldn’t help my own sister. That seemed too much.

“Le’er, do you want to go to Japan to study?” I tested her reaction.

“Can I really go?” she asked me excitedly.

Gao Haiming was right—I should give her a way out.