“The board specially approved a competitive position this afternoon, so let’s drink this glass together, Yilia and Flora. We’re all from the Planning Department, and I’ll be happy for whichever of you succeeds.” Josh raised his glass and looked at Shang Zhitao seriously. Tracy had told him about Shang Zhitao’s situation, and he found this employee quite interesting.

The table suddenly went quiet, and everyone was looking at Shang Zhitao. The workplace climate had changed abruptly; no rules were ever fixed. Everything had to give way to capital. Just another competitor, other departments had competitors too. It was simply that this competitor came with a 250 million cushion.

A colleague coughed, waiting for Shang Zhitao’s reaction. The situation was becoming quite awkward. But Shang Zhitao wasn’t the 22-year-old she once was; she could handle it. She glanced at the wine in her glass and walked up to Josh with a smile: “Thank you, boss. And thank you, Yilia, for joining the competition. An environment full of competition is beneficial for company development. I’m secretly looking forward to it.”

“I’m glad you understand,” Josh said to Shang Zhitao.

Shang Zhitao smiled, clinked glasses with him and Yilia, and drank her wine. Yilia drank hers too.

This decision had been made before the bidding, representing the company’s stance. It ensured both open recruitment and fair competition. It only increased the difficulty for Shang Zhitao. Without Yilia, everyone knew this year would be hers because she had completed a mega project. But with Yilia’s 250 million and background advantage, the outcome was uncertain.

Shang Zhitao understood.

But she wouldn’t admit defeat.

After the drinking party, Yilia stopped her: “Flora.”

“Yilia.”

“I wasn’t informed either; I was only notified before the dinner. Tracy said Luke applied to the board. She said Luke felt the company’s hiring process was too rigid.”

Shang Zhitao listened carefully until she finished, then slowly said: “I support the company’s decision. Yilia, you’re outstanding. I was very ordinary when I was twenty-two or twenty-three; of course, I’m still ordinary now. I’m glad to compete with you.” Shang Zhitao patted her shoulder: “Good luck.”

That night when she entered her home, Sun Yuanzhu was already asleep. Sun Yu asked her: “You haven’t seen each other for so long, why didn’t you go to his place?”

“He drank too much.” Shang Zhitao said as she walked into the bedroom. She didn’t blame the board for approving the special position, nor did she want to ask if Luan Nian had changed this rule. As a company manager, he had the right to adjust recruitment strategies, and Shang Zhitao could understand. Luan Nian’s call came in, and she answered. She could hear that Luan Nian’s voice was slightly nasal; he had drunk a bit too much.

“Why did you leave?” Luan Nian asked her.

“I came back to check on Sun Yu.”

“And Sun Yuanzhu.” Luan Nian added. Both of them fell silent, not knowing what to say for a moment.

“Luan Nian, I want to ask you, did you know about the board’s decision?” Shang Zhitao asked him. How could he not know? He should have been the first to know. Or perhaps it was truly as Yilia said, he had applied for the performance review reform.

“I knew. Does it matter?”

“Don’t I have the right to know?”

“What are you afraid of?” Luan Nian asked her: “It’s just one more competitor, what are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid, I just wish you had told me.”

“Is there a fundamental difference between me telling you and someone else telling you?”

“No.”

Luan Nian was right; there wasn’t a fundamental difference. Because the result was the same.

Shang Zhitao knew that once work was involved, the balance between them would be broken. Luan Nian could oppose the board’s decision; he could be more assertive, but he didn’t. Shang Zhitao knew that in his heart, Yilia was qualified to participate in the competition. They had worked together for a year, and Yilia was brilliantly talented. Whether it was this case or others, she was always excellent. Luan Nian had always disliked rules, and many times he felt rules were meant to be broken.

“So, will you score fairly?”

“What does ‘score fairly’ mean?”

“It means not looking at that 250 million, because you know, I really can’t come up with 250 million. I hope that when we compete for the position, you can be fair.”

“Can you influence all the reviewers?” Luan Nian didn’t directly answer her but asked her this way.

Shang Zhitao thought for a few seconds and said: “I don’t want to influence anyone, nor do I want to influence you. You’re right, whether you tell me or Josh tells me at dinner, there’s no fundamental difference. Get some sleep.”

Shang Zhitao hung up the phone, and after a while, she received a message from Luan Nian: “Be more confident. Shang Zhitao.”

Luan Nian didn’t know where her issue lay, never knew. He wanted her to be more confident; he hadn’t realized that Shang Zhitao was no longer the timid person she once was. She had changed. He thought Shang Zhitao was afraid of losing, and thought she felt inferior to others.

That wasn’t it.

Although she knew there was never absolute fairness in the workplace—connections, capital, relationships always seemed to come before ability—she still felt that this was Ling Mei, the Ling Mei that had exceptionally admitted her and helped her grow quickly, the Ling Mei where everything was possible.

So she didn’t think she would lose.

She just wished Luan Nian could have been a little different with her, directly telling her: “You have one more competitor, but I believe in you, keep going.”

Just that one sentence would have been enough.

But he didn’t say it.

Perhaps in his heart, the outcome was already decided.

Early the next morning, she flew to the Northwest. The meeting was over, the boss had been met, and the project had to continue. Phase one of the project was about to be completed. When the government leaders came to inspect and saw that Shang Zhitao seemed to have darkened a shade since the last time, they asked her: “Is the Northwest tough?”

Shang Zhitao nodded, then shook her head.

The leader smiled.

“Whether the Northwest is tough or not, we all know. A young girl like you staying here for so long, working diligently, not complaining about hardships or fatigue, what are you after?”

Probably after ideals.

But Shang Zhitao didn’t say so. How ridiculous ideals are, if you speak of them, others will say, can ideals be exchanged for money? Look at those idealists, they’ve all died on the road chasing their ideals.

Seeing her silence, the leader smiled. How many people had the leader seen? Politicians, businessmen, intellectuals, farmers—having seen so many people, how could they not see what was in the heart of the girl before them? So they said to her: “Don’t rush, take it slowly.”

Shang Zhitao nodded.

“So after phase one is completed, you’re going back to Beijing?” the leader asked her.

“Yes. I’ll continue to provide remote service, but actually phase two is the construction phase, and our involvement will be minimal.” Shang Zhitao explained patiently.

“That’s too bad, how nice it would be if you could take root here.” The government leader said.

“Thank you. I’ll come if I have the opportunity.”

After she sent the government leader off, Shelly said to her: “That was such a good opportunity just now, having the government leader put in a word with the company for you. Whether it’s the boss’s wife or the client, they’d all have to make way, don’t you think?”

Shelly was far away in the Northwest, but she also understood company politics. No matter if it’s 250 million or 2.5 billion, nothing works better than politics.

Shang Zhitao shook her head: “If I win using such methods, I would despise myself.”

Some principles should never be broken; integrity is always the bottom line.

After six years of work, Shang Zhitao already knew what the real shortcut was and how to take it. She could choose an easier method, but she didn’t want to. She hoped that everything she gained would be obtained through proper channels, even though that was foolish, but she was willing to be that fool.

Adhering to oneself is the most difficult part of having an independent personality.

She returned home that night, turned on the lights, and saw Luan Nian sitting on the sofa. The day she left Beijing without saying goodbye, Luan Nian hadn’t asked why. He was so clever; he knew the reason in his heart.

“Come here.”

Shang Zhitao put down her backpack, changed her shoes, walked over to him, and sat beside him. Her posture was somewhat distant.

“So, you left without saying goodbye because I didn’t tell you?” Luan Nian asked her.

Shang Zhitao didn’t speak.

“Say something.”

“Say what?” Shang Zhitao asked him: “Did you speak when you should have? If not, why do you demand that I respond unconditionally every time you speak?”

“Would it have changed the result if I told you?”

“Was this result facilitated by you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t mean anything.”

Shang Zhitao used to understand Luan Nian’s emotions best, and today she still did. She knew Luan Nian was unhappy, that Luan Nian was very angry. But she didn’t want to be influenced by Luan Nian, so she got up from the sofa and sat in the chair opposite. After a long time, after she had completely digested her emotions, she finally spoke slowly: “I don’t mind competing with Yilia; this is the workplace, whoever is capable gets the position. I don’t feel inferior to her either. These are the preconditions for our communication today, do you agree?”

Luan Nian didn’t speak, so Shang Zhitao continued: “Then I’ll take it that you agree. Based on this precondition, I hope my boyfriend would personally tell me when he knows the result, to give me some mental preparation. Is that request excessive?”

“Not excessive, but meaningless.”

“I’m not seeking meaning. I just need my boyfriend, without violating principles, to stand on my side.” What I’m seeking is my boyfriend’s mental acknowledgment of me. Shang Zhitao said this in her heart. She suddenly felt that dating Luan Nian was too exhausting; he didn’t understand anything, and she didn’t want to date someone like that anymore.

“So?” Luan Nian asked her this way.

This “so” suddenly made Shang Zhitao not know what to say. She had unspeakable grievances because at that drinking party, she had been put in such a position. She could have been less embarrassed if Luan Nian had told her in advance. But he didn’t.

Shang Zhitao felt that she and Luan Nian could never say anything to each other, at least not about work. He had his judgment standards; everything good or bad formed its system. Shang Zhitao couldn’t cross that.

“You don’t need to care who your competitor is, just focus on doing your work well. Is that so difficult?” Luan Nian asked her.

Shang Zhitao pressed her lips together without speaking, and they were strangely at an impasse. After a very long time, the wind rose outside, and the window made a sound. Shang Zhitao finally spoke: “Everything you say is right. No matter who tells me, the result is the same. My mistake was thinking you were different from others. Now I know.” She would never wait for Luan Nian to bow his head or say a soft word, and she would never become the brilliantly talented person worthy of him breaking rules for in his heart.

“I suggest you calm down,” Luan Nian said: “This isn’t a big deal.”

“Not to you.”

“But it is to you? You’re so angry just because you feel I didn’t give you special treatment, is that it? Fine, I’ll tell you now, I always keep work and life separate, and I suggest you do the same, otherwise you won’t be able to function.”

“Good. I understand now. I’ve separated them now.”

“So is this work or life right now?”

“Work.” Shang Zhitao: “Today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after that, all work.” She walked to the door and opened it: “I don’t need my big boss to give me special treatment.”

Luan Nian lifted his leg to leave, stepped out the door, but pulled back: “Whether you admit it or not, you just feel threatened by Yilia’s participation in the competition. After all these years, you still can’t face competition openly. Your core issue is still a lack of confidence.”

“I’ll say it again, I just don’t like being informed of this news at a drinking party.”

“What if you weren’t my girlfriend? Who would you blame for being informed of this news at a drinking party? Blame the board? Blame Yilia’s background that brought in a 250 million order? Blame your new boss for his poor timing? Why should I pay for your lack of confidence?”

Shang Zhitao’s throat tightened.

She didn’t speak because if she did, she would cry. She just slightly raised her hand in a gesture asking him to leave.

Luan Nian left without looking back.

Shang Zhitao cried a lot while showering; she was especially angry at Luan Nian, more than ever before. When she came out of the bathroom, she heard the door open and saw Luan Nian coming in, throwing his things aside, and starting to take off his clothes.

Shang Zhitao didn’t want to talk to him and turned to walk to the bedroom, but Luan Nian grabbed her and pinned her against the wall. Shang Zhitao’s towel fell to the floor, and they engaged in a silent struggle. After not having been together for several months, Shang Zhitao was extremely sensitive and surrendered right at the start.

Luan Nian held her as she turned soft as mud, and bit her lips hard: “You don’t trust me, is that it?”

Shang Zhitao didn’t speak, and Luan Nian buried himself deep: “Speak!”

“I don’t.”

“You only trust Sun Yuanzhu, is that it?” Luan Nian thrust forcefully: “Hmm?”

“Yes!”

Both stopped talking. Luan Nian became increasingly fierce, and Shang Zhitao clenched her teeth to not make a sound. She was also enjoying it, yet made it seem as if he was forcing her.

Luan Nian suddenly felt it was meaningless.

He stopped, looked into Shang Zhitao’s eyes: “You’re boring, you know that?”

He was particularly hurtful when angry, a habit he could never change. He stood up, put on his clothes, and this time he left.

Shang Zhitao didn’t actively reach out to him, and Luan Nian didn’t contact her either.

Sun Yu often called her, saying: “Yuanzhu ate a bit more today.”

“Besides medication, he’s also receiving psychological intervention and other treatments. He’s noticeably better; he smiled several times today.” Sun Yu could never directly say what the other treatments were; she felt that was too cruel.

“Their company had an anniversary celebration, and he went to participate. He even performed with colleagues; I’ll send you the performance, you can enjoy it.”

“When are you coming back? Sun Yuanzhu said he wants to go see a midnight movie together.”

Shang Zhitao felt that although life was ordinary, at least Sun Yuanzhu was showing improvement, which was very, very good.

When she returned to Beijing to resume her duties, she went to Luan Nian’s home to see Luke. She played with Luke for a long time: “When I come back, I’ll take you home. Although our own home is small, it’s still home, right?”

Luan Nian frowned at the side without speaking. Shang Zhitao looked up at Luan Nian and said: “Luke seems unwilling to come home with me.”

“You think Luke is as heartless as you?” Luan Nian said, getting up to cook. Shang Zhitao stood beside him, watching him fry steaks, and said to him: “I’d like mine medium well.”

“There’s none for you.”

“Then I’ll eat yours.”

Luan Nian looked back at her, suddenly feeling a barely noticeable bit of grievance in his heart. Luan Nian had never allowed himself to feel aggrieved; he himself found it fresh.

They each had a steak with pasta, plus avocado milkshakes made by Luan Nian, all very delicious. Shang Zhitao particularly loved the steak pasta Luan Nian made, so much that she couldn’t enjoy it at any restaurant, and also his osmanthus milk. No one else could make that flavor.

“Can I have your osmanthus milk tomorrow morning?” Shang Zhitao asked him.

“Mm.”