Luan Nian had been a jerk since childhood.

Once someone provoked him, he would become extremely aggressive. When children fought, it was usually just a matter of pushing back and forth, seemingly harmless. But not him—when he fought, he would pin the other person down and forcefully hit their head.

In that small city in Jiangnan, the five or six-year-old Luan Nian was “feared by all who heard his name.” When elders disciplined their children, they would often add: “Stay away from Luan Nian.” Or “Don’t provoke Luan Nian.”

As a child, no one dared to mess with Luan Nian often went about alone. He didn’t mind; being alone was fine, and he didn’t like playing with those other children anyway. He found their tendency to cry at the slightest provocation very strange.

His favorite thing to do was to curl up in a room at his grandfather’s house.

His grandfather was a painter who had studied under famous masters in his youth. Seeing Luan Nian’s interest, he taught him to paint as well. Luan Nian could sit still from a young age, remaining seated for half a day at a time. Everyone said he was strange—so combative yet able to sit still.

Luan Nian lacked empathy from an early age. He couldn’t understand why people had such intense emotions. Sometimes, walking through the small town, he would see someone sitting by the roadside crying over something, with others sitting nearby wiping their tears. He would frown, finding it very odd.

Someone like him seemed to never have a true childhood.

After meeting Shang Zhitao, he began to develop “attention” for others. He rarely paid attention to anyone before, but perhaps it was because he disliked the way Shang Zhitao appeared. She showed almost no highlights during her interview call, yet Tracy gave her a green light. Luan Nian was curious why the typically fair Tracy would give such an ordinary person a pass. So he attributed his attention toward Shang Zhitao to the manner of her appearance.

It was the first time in his life he had paid special attention to someone.

He pressured her, with motives even he couldn’t clearly articulate, wanting to see when this girl would give up. But she had too much resilience—trembling with fear and anxiety, yet possessing an admirable tenacity. She simply refused to surrender easily.

How could there be such a person?

Awkward yet endearing; timid, yet occasionally explosive; ordinary, yet sometimes unwittingly beautiful.

In that tea restaurant in Guangzhou, seeing her snow-white, translucent skin and slightly reddened face, a man’s wild nature was suddenly awakened within him.

Gradually, he discovered that “interactions with people could be comfortable.” He had only a few close friends and kept a certain distance from everyone else. Even in relationships, he disliked excessive interference. He hated constraints. He was picky and finicky in his interactions, disliking others as much as they disliked him, making it difficult to find a comfortable state of interaction. Shang Zhitao had no sharp edges; she simply blossomed on her own, never forcing others or overthinking things.

Luan Nian found this comfortable interaction novel.

Later, Luan Nian gradually began to understand what it meant to feel heartache for someone. Life was messy, but she always smiled. As if everything to her was merely completing a level in a game. If she lost one round, she could start over, and she could afford to lose. When she was bullied by fraudulent rental agents, harassed by others, and used by colleagues, Luan Nian thought: “How can you all lay hands on someone like this? Are you even human?”

What kind of person was she? Probably just like Shang Zhitao—someone eternally bright and sincere.

Luan Nian knew he was a jerk.

Cold-blooded, violent, and clueless about love since childhood, a jerk like him was truly a catastrophe for someone like Shang Zhitao. Luan Nian had never had much of a conscience, but he developed a sense of guilt toward Shang Zhitao.

For people he didn’t care about, what kind of person he was or how bad his personality might be didn’t matter, because with little to no interaction, it couldn’t cause them harm. But Shang Zhitao was different; they had been together for so long, and she had suffered because of it.

Luan Nian realized this gradually. He was grateful that Shang Zhitao loved him; love had changed him.

Luan Nian once thought of the word “redemption.”

Those seemingly insignificant things at the time gradually accumulated, filling an empty shell of a person, giving him flesh and blood and emotions, like a redemption.

From the very beginning, she was special.

From the very beginning, he was terrible.

Later, watching Song Qiuhan and Lin Chuner interact, Luan Nian gradually understood where the problem between him and Shang Zhitao lay.

Loving someone is never shameful; it should be open and aboveboard. One should truly appreciate, respect, and communicate as equals. And he had been completely wrong.

Luan Nian was willing to learn and was grateful that Shang Zhitao was willing to give him a chance. All dazzling, beautiful things eventually settle into ordinary life, but precious qualities will shine forever. Shang Zhitao was the person who always shone, and Luan Nian had finally found his old-fashioned romance and gentleness in the first half of his life.

If he could do it again, he would stand by her side at many important moments and say to her: “You’re amazing. Keep going.”

Keep going, Shang Zhitao.

And, don’t be ashamed of how we began anymore—I fell in love with you first.

===

When little Nian Tao was 13 months old, she had her first illness in life.

That day, Luan Nian was on a business trip, and Shang Zhitao was meeting with clients. Dr. Liang called Shang Zhitao and said, “Don’t worry. I’ve brought her fever down physically, but it will probably recur. I just had to let you know.”

“I understand, Mom.”

Shang Zhitao returned from the client meeting and drove home. She saw little Nian Tao with a fever patch on her forehead, lying on Luke. Perhaps it was because Luke’s fur was soft and warm; she hugged Luke’s neck, comforting him with words adults often said to her: “Be good.” Her pronunciation wasn’t clear yet, and drool was still flowing.

Luan Mingyu sat nearby, his expression unpleasant, obviously angry.

“What’s wrong?” Shang Zhitao secretly asked Dr. Liang.

“Don’t mind him,” Dr. Liang said. “He wanted to take Nian Tao to the hospital, but I didn’t agree. I’m a doctor, what’s he interfering for!”

“Oh.”

Shang Zhitao washed her hands and picked up little Nian Tao, who was quite happy to see her: “Mama, Mama.”

“Are you sick?”

Little Nian Tao patted her forehead and pointed at her grandmother: “Grandma.”

“Oh, Grandma took care of you. Mommy knows. Do you want to thank Grandma for taking care of you?”

“Thank you.” Nian Tao’s little hands clasped together as she gestured to her grandmother.

“And Grandpa too!” Shang Zhitao reminded her.

“Thank you.”

The little one’s speech was unclear, and “thank you” sounded peculiar. Luan Mingyu smiled, then let out a light snort. He was still dissatisfied that they hadn’t taken the child to the hospital for an X-ray.

By midnight, Nian Tao’s fever returned as expected. Shang Zhitao was cooling her down as instructed by Dr. Liang when she heard Luke barking. Luan Nian had returned.

He carried the chill from outside, leaving his coat downstairs as he crouched down to talk to Luke: “Why aren’t you sleeping yet? You’re getting old, don’t stay up late.”

“Woof woof woof.” Luke was arguing back, probably saying he wasn’t staying up late.

Luan Nian smiled and gave his dog face a hard pinch: “Let’s go see little sister. Little sister is sick.”

Upstairs, he first washed his face, hands, and changed clothes, completely dispelling the chill before walking to little Nian Tao’s bedside: “Fever again?”

“Yes.”

“You go to sleep. I’ll watch her.”

“It’s fine. Tomorrow is the weekend.”

Shang Zhitao measured Nian Tao’s forehead temperature; it had dropped a bit, slightly easing her worry.

“Didn’t you say you’d be back tomorrow?” Shang Zhitao pulled Luan Nian down to lie beside her, using her hands and feet to sprawl across him.

“Once things were finished, I came back early.” Luan Nian held her feet to warm them. “Sleep now.”

“Alright.”

Shang Zhitao said alright and closed her eyes for a long time. She heard Luan Nian’s arm move slightly, probably checking Nian Tao’s temperature. She smiled: “We’re both so hopeless!”

“You’re hopeless. Don’t include me.”

“Then why aren’t you sleeping? Aren’t you worried about Nian Tao too?”

“I’m just not tired.”

Luan Nian was stubborn, and Shang Zhitao was used to it. She simply sat up and looked at him.

“What?”

“Someone likes me.”

“?” Luan Nian scoffed.

“I’m serious.” Shang Zhitao also found it strange that she was married with a child, yet still attracted unwanted attention. At first, she just thought this client was overly enthusiastic, until earlier that day when he suddenly took out a jewelry box and handed it to her. Shang Zhitao naturally refused, but Lu Mi told her: “Quick, tell your husband! Let that donkey feel some crisis!”

“Hmm. So?” Luan Nian asked her.

“So I’m in high demand.” Shang Zhitao’s expression was extremely serious. If Lu Mi knew that Luan Nian still maintained this deadpan expression, she would say: “Your husband is undoubtedly expressionless.”

“Congratulations on still having charm in middle age.” Luan Nian also sat up and asked her: “Just this one?”

“…How many should there be?”

“Ten or so, as many as my admirers?” Luan Nian certainly knew Shang Zhitao was showing off, and he naturally couldn’t admit defeat. He needed to let his wife know how sought-after he was and deflate her pride. So he took out his phone and tossed it to Shang Zhitao: “Here, look.”

Shang Zhitao didn’t often look at Luan Nian’s phone, but that night she suddenly had some interest. So she took it and said to Luan Nian: “I’m looking, I’m really looking!”

Luan Nian raised his eyebrows: “Go ahead and look.”

Shang Zhitao opened it to check. Luan Nian’s phone wasn’t very interesting, but he had pinned her conversation at the top, followed by the “We All Love Nian Tao” group and the “Tao’s Family Group.” The first group included Da Zhai, Old Shang, Dr. Liang, Luan’s father, and the two of them; the group contained records of Nian Tao’s growth. The second group was for Luan Nian, Da Zhai, Old Shang, and Shang Zhitao. Below that were pinned work groups. Shang Zhitao continued scrolling down and finally saw something different. A girl with a pretty profile picture. She clicked to see that the girl had added Luan Nian as a friend and then said to him: “Luke, it was nice to meet you. If there’s a chance next time you come to Shanghai, I’d like to treat you to dinner. Maybe we could sit at the Bund at night again?”

Luan Nian replied: “No need. I’m married.”

Shang Zhitao pouted. She scrolled down further and saw five or six such girls. She tossed the phone back to Luan Nian and snorted. Luan Nian pressed his advantage and said: “These are the ones I haven’t blocked yet. Want to see the blacklist?”

“You have to win, don’t you?”

“It wouldn’t be good to lose at something like this.”

Luan Nian was very open about it. He never told Shang Zhitao about the temptations he encountered because there was no need. He handled all temptations cleanly and decisively, giving the other party no chance. When on business trips, he was very busy with work, would exercise at the hotel after work, and would return home as soon as work ended, even if it was late at night, rather than waiting until the next day. When not on trips, he would go home early after work because he was eager to see Nian Tao. He didn’t expect Shang Zhitao to get home early; her branch company had just started, and it was already rare for her to be home on weekends.

Seeing that Shang Zhitao’s pouting lips hadn’t returned to normal, he teased her: “What? Not convinced after being defeated?”

“This isn’t fair. I only have one.”

“You’re a bit crazy in the head. Do we need to compare numbers for this kind of thing?” Luan Nian scoffed, completely forgetting it was he who wanted to compare just now: “It’s not worth bragging about at all. All confessions that can’t be made into stories are just episodes that can be deleted at any time. If you want to compete with me on this.” Luan Nian paused: “I’ll kill you.”

In their lifetime, they would surely encounter countless temptations. Marriage might screen out some, but there would still be persistent, impure, thrill-seeking, and manipulative ones remaining. They couldn’t just tie each other down, taming and restricting each other, losing themselves in the process.

His fingertip pressed on her forehead, pushing her back onto the pillow: “Sleep.” He turned to check on Nian Tao; her fever had subsided now, and she wasn’t whimpering in her sleep. He picked up her small water bottle and gently called to her: “Drink some water, little Nian Tao.” Nian Tao drowsily drank a couple of sips of warm water, then turned over and continued sleeping.

Only then did Luan Nian lie back down. Seeing that Shang Zhitao still had her eyes open, he pulled her into his arms: “What’s wrong?”

“With so many temptations, will there be a day when you can’t resist?”

“Yes.” Luan Nian pretended to be serious. Shang Zhitao twisted his arm hard: “Say that again!”

Luan Nian groaned in pain and habitually pinched her cheek: “Who taught you to twist people?”

“Lu Mi.”

When Lu Mi argued with Will, she twisted his arm, leaving a large purple bruise. She told Shang Zhitao about it during the day, saying: “I tell you, it was really satisfying.”

The two of them talked about everything—whether it was raining, traffic jams, someone cheating, or even ants fighting, they could chat about it for a while.

“Learn something good. Be more selective with your friends. Lu Mi isn’t very smart; don’t let her lead you astray.”

“Nonsense!” Shang Zhitao rebuked his nonsense, then burrowed into his arms and closed her eyes to sleep. She was exhausted too. When she heard that Nian Tao was sick during the day, she was worried to death. She rushed back hurriedly, persuaded her in-laws to leave around ten o’clock, and then kept taking care of Nian Tao non-stop. She only truly understood a mother’s greatest fear after her child’s first illness—it was when the child got sick. Now that Luan Nian was back, her heart relaxed a bit, and she could finally sleep.

During the night, she sensed Luan Nian getting up many times. When she opened her eyes the next morning, she saw Luan Nian holding Nian Tao, leaning against the headboard, fast asleep. Shang Zhitao tiptoed downstairs to walk Luke, then started making breakfast for them.

Luan Nian didn’t like having strangers around and still didn’t like eating food made by others. The housekeeper only came to clean each day and would leave afterward. Shang Zhitao had never argued with Luan Nian about this; marriage was a practice of self-cultivation, requiring mutual understanding. She accommodated Luan Nian’s peculiar temperament, and Luan Nian understood her hard work. Gradually, their life together would yield more substantial rewards.

Shang Zhitao still wasn’t a good cook, so she only fried eggs and steak. The salt and pepper for the fried eggs had been prepared by Luan Nian earlier, as was the sauce for the steak. Nian Tao had tomato and egg noodles for breakfast, with minimal oil and salt, sprinkled with crushed seaweed. The remaining snacks were baked earlier by Shang Zhitao and Luan Nian together, stored in small food containers, with a little bit left. Luke’s food was previously air-dried chicken and dog food.

By the time she finished preparing breakfast, Luan Nian and Nian Tao were awake. Luan Nian led the still-wobbly Nian Tao down from the elevator. Nian Tao was very happy to see Shang Zhitao and let go of Luan Nian’s hand to run to her: “Mama, Mama.”

“Still feverish?” Shang Zhitao felt her forehead; the little one’s fever had broken.

Luan Nian walked to the dining table, saw that Shang Zhitao had prepared breakfast, cut a piece of steak, and put it in his mouth. Great, well-done, over-cooked.

“Is it good?” Shang Zhitao asked him.

He recalled one of his previous conclusions about the essence of marriage—mutual appreciation—so he nodded slightly: “It’s good. You should eat more.” Then he checked Nian Tao’s breakfast; the noodles were cooked properly.

The three people and one dog ate their respective meals. Little Nian Tao ate as if she were fighting, with half of the noodles ending up in her bib, and food smudged on her hands and face by the end of the meal. She found it fun and even tried to wipe the residue on her hair and neck. When she heard Shang Zhitao scolding her, she giggled, thinking her mother was playing with her!

Shang Zhitao was a bit angry: “Little Nian Tao, your habits are very bad. You’re wasting food and deliberately making yourself dirty.”

“Were you completely self-sufficient when you were just over a year old?” Luan Nian was displeased and lifted Nian Tao from the dining table: “Besides, she’s still sick!” He was exaggerating; little Nian Tao’s illness had come and gone quickly—she was already better.

Nian Tao understood and pouted at Luan Nian, as if saying: Mommy is so fierce.

Shang Zhitao was quite upset with both of them and glared at Luan Nian: “Don’t always spoil her. Rules need to be established from an early age.”

“Your parents said you weren’t given rules when you were little; you grew up as you pleased.”

“Nonsense…”

“Shall I tell your parents that you scolded Nian Tao for getting dirty while eating by herself?”

“…”

Luan Nian winked at Nian Tao: “Come on, Daddy will give you a warm bath. It’s okay to get dirty while eating, but you can’t have a fever again today.”

Shang Zhitao felt that Luan Nian was overly indulgent with the child. She followed behind them, wanting to say a few more words, when Luan Nian suddenly stopped at the elevator, turned back, and kissed her forehead: “Don’t be jealous.”

Implying that Shang Zhitao was scolding Nian Tao because she was jealous of her—quite aggravating. Luan Nian looked somewhat smug, his foot holding the elevator door: “Coming up?”

“Oh.”

The two of them undressed Nian Tao and placed her in the bathtub. Nian Tao was overjoyed, deliberately slapping the water with her small palms. Hearing Shang Zhitao and Luan Nian’s exaggerated “ouch,” she laughed even more happily. Shang Zhitao wiped the water droplets from her face and finally stopped being the stern mother. The two played with little Nian Tao in the water, splashing it everywhere.

It also wet Shang Zhitao’s clothes.

Luan Nian turned his head and saw the lace bra visible through her white t-shirt; his eyes darkened. Shang Zhitao wrapped Nian Tao in a towel, noticed Luan Nian’s expression, covered Nian Tao’s eyes with her hand, leaned forward to kiss his lips, then quickly moved away.

Nian Tao thought Shang Zhitao was playing peekaboo with her, so she pretended to cover her eyes and then let go, even saying: “Nao.” She couldn’t say “cat” properly.

…

After Dr. Liang and Luan Mingyu arrived, he took Shang Zhitao to the supermarket for groceries. The car suddenly changed direction just before reaching the supermarket. Shang Zhitao was puzzled: “Where are we going?”

Luan Nian didn’t speak and drove to a resort hotel, telling Shang Zhitao: “Get out.”

“Our home is just ten kilometers away,” Shang Zhitao reminded him.

“There are people at home.”

“Oh.”

Luan Nian had been on a business trip for a week, and the previous week coincided with Shang Zhitao’s period. He felt he couldn’t wait until evening. And in the evening, they wouldn’t dare make any noise, always feeling like something was missing.

He was a bit urgent, his teeth landing on her chest, hearing Shang Zhitao make a delicate sound, instantly feeling completely at ease. Neither of them had been this comfortable for a long time; for a moment, it was like returning to before Shang Zhitao gave birth, even better than then.

Life is often trivial and mundane, but occasionally having such unbridled moments seemed like a reward. They both liked it this way. Luan Nian softly asked her: “Want to go on a trip?”

“Just the two of us?”

“Yes.”

He felt they needed a brief escape, even if just for two or three days, thinking about nothing, just being together. That would be wonderful.

“What about Nian Tao?” Shang Zhitao raised a practical question.

“Leave her behind.”

Luan Nian said so and did so. The following weekend, he took Shang Zhitao on a flight to the south, to the place of his birth. Shang Zhitao was a worrier; even as the plane took off, she was still asking Luan Nian: “Will Nian Tao blame us? Will Luke miss us?”

“You only take three days off for yourself each year, and you’re still worrying about everything?”

Although Luan Nian loved Nian Tao very much, he also longed to be alone with Shang Zhitao. Both sets of parents were very good to Nian Tao, so he was completely at ease. He just felt that they should have two or three days each year to be alone together, like before, without worries, doing whatever they wanted, not doing what they didn’t want to do.

The small city where Luan Nian was born was no longer as it once was.

Over the years, he had occasionally returned once or twice during the Qingming Festival to sweep the graves and pay respects to his ancestors. Each time he returned, he felt the city had put on new clothes. Only one ancient street by the river still retained shadows of the past. Luan Nian’s grandmother’s home was at one end of the ancient street, and his maternal grandmother’s home was at the other.

The two of them held hands and strolled along the ancient street as Luan Nian told Shang Zhitao about his childhood. He seemed to have had no childhood; the only things he mentioned now were fighting with some child or climbing trees somewhere. For most of his childhood, he was a loner. Because he didn’t fit in, Dr. Liang had secretly cried many times.

But he liked painting; he could sit still. His grandfather taught him to paint and praised him for having talent.

But what Luan Nian remembered most vividly, beyond these things, was the curling smoke from cooking fires every evening on the ancient street and the fragrance of food from behind people’s doors.

Listening to Luan Nian talk about his past, Shang Zhitao felt his childhood was quiet and mature, while hers was noisy and innocent. But people change in various ways over time. Just like life, it won’t always be earth-shaking; eventually, it settles into calmness.

And most precious of all, when everything returns to calm, we’re still willing to occasionally venture out, to have adventures with that person. This became Shang Zhitao’s favorite part.

That night, they sat by the hotel window, watching people come and go outside. Luan Nian produced a small cake, as if by magic, with two candles on top. Shang Zhitao looked at it for two seconds before remembering that this day was her birthday.

Time passes too quickly—so fast that someone who once eagerly awaited her birthday while flipping through the calendar now forgets her birthday.

Luan Nian stood up: “A performance of ‘Happy Birthday’ for Ms. Shang Zhitao.” Slightly swaying his body to keep rhythm, he sang a fun birthday song. Shang Zhitao giggled at his antics, suddenly remembering the year he sang on stage.

They couldn’t articulate exactly how time had changed them.

Looking at each other now, they both felt a sense of settled dust.

“Make a wish,” Luan Nian told her. Shang Zhitao put her palms together, closed her eyes, and devoutly made a wish. The wish was small yet sincere, the thing she most deeply desired in her heart after experiencing the passage of years.

“What did you wish for?” Luan Nian asked her.

Shang Zhitao smiled slightly: “May we have days like this every year.”

In the year they met, the two were too far apart; she loved humbly, never daring to hope for the future. It was time that gifted them with hardships and the courage to overcome them; gifted them with chaos and the conscience to seek purity; gifted them with separation and the joy of reunion; gifted them with rain, and also with sunshine.

The present is truly good.

May we have days like this every year.

And may everyone have their own clear, early spring.

(The End)