Shang Zhitao’s first project in her career was completed rather smoothly, except for that initial episode. That afternoon, as she sat in the conference room completing the project delivery, she felt a subtle excitement. Although it was just an ordinary small project, it represented significant progress for her.

She sat in the conference room a while longer, eager to share her feelings with someone. The first person she thought of was Luan Nian, who had been guiding her on what to do. Shang Zhitao was grateful to him. She wanted to share her joy with him—that’s what she thought, and that’s what she did. She sent Luan Nian a message: “Hello, I’ve delivered my first independent project in life. I’m a little happy.”

Luan Nian was in a shareholders’ meeting. Seeing this message, he unusually replied: “Congratulations.”

A moment later, he sent another message: “Want to treat me to dinner?”

“Yes!”

“Shall we go to the mountain for fish?”

“Okay.”

Shang Zhitao’s joy found a place to land, and she was as happy as a child. She waited for Luan Nian at a spot far from the company. He drove to pick her up and asked as she got in: “Why choose such a distant place?”

“Afraid of being seen.”

…”Couldn’t it be because of work?” Luan Nian asked her. Seeing her sudden realization, he couldn’t help but smile: “You’re probably a bit silly.”

The two drove toward the mountain. When they were almost at the fish restaurant, Luan Nian turned onto a small road. Shang Zhitao let out a small sound: “Eh?”

“You didn’t tell your roommate you were coming out with me today, did you?”

“No.”

“Then it’s convenient for me to murder you and dispose of your body.” Luan Nian said with a serious face. Noticing Shang Zhitao’s tense breathing, he turned his head to look at her. He drove to a dilapidated house and parked.

Shang Zhitao stood behind him in front of the house. There was a large open space in front of it that could serve as a natural parking lot.

“I’m thinking of opening a bar on the mountain and looking for a location. How’s this place?”

“Huh?” Shang Zhitao had no concept of these things, only feeling that the place was a bit run-down. “Will it need renovation?”

“Tear it down and rebuild it.”

…”Why open it on the mountain?”

“Convenient for stargazing.”

Shang Zhitao looked up. The stars on the mountain were indeed more beautiful than those below. She sneezed; winter nights on the mountain were too cold.

“Let’s go.”

They got into the car, and Luan Nian asked Shang Zhitao: “How about this place?”

“Great for stargazing.”

“Then this is it.”

“Ah?”

Luan Nian was never indecisive. Someone had sent him this address, and today was his first time seeing it. The sight of Shang Zhitao standing in that open space looking up at the stars was quite beautiful, and suddenly he made up his mind.

The owner of the fish restaurant remembered Shang Zhitao and asked them: “Catch one now?”

“Yes, thank you. Today, don’t charge my card. This lady is being treated today.” Luan Nian said to the owner with a straight face.

“Yes, yes.” Shang Zhitao nodded.

“Catch a big one. If we can’t finish it, I’ll take it to go,” Luan Nian added.

“That’s not necessary,” Shang Zhitao refused.

The owner stood by and smiled: “I’ll go catch the fish.”

It had just snowed on the mountain, covering the lanterns and tree branches. Shang Zhitao loved it. She stood on a rock and shook snow off the branches, laughing to herself. Luan Nian just stood there watching her, not joining in her play.

Shang Zhitao thought this evening was wonderful. She didn’t ask for much; days like today, when she made progress and Luan Nian was willing to celebrate with her, were enough.

Before they knew it, deep winter had arrived.

Sometimes Shang Zhitao would expect more. For instance, the company would be closed for Christmas, and young people all loved Christmas, including Shang Zhitao. But Luan Nian was going on vacation to Hokkaido. Shang Zhitao felt a bit disappointed.

Shang Zhitao finished work early and called Yao Bei: “Senior, I’ve completed the project delivery. There’s a project bonus! I want to treat you to dinner.”

“Sure. I’ll pick you up after work.”

“Can I invite my roommate? And my mentor too.”

“So the girl from Ice City is starting to gather people?” Yao Bei laughed.

In Shang Zhitao’s hometown, not a very big city, winters were long, and drinking was what people did most often. People scattered throughout the city could quickly come together with just a few phone calls. The most common question before drinking in Ice City was: “Gathering people?” Shang Zhitao had learned this habit well.

Shang Zhitao laughed: “It’s more fun together. Don’t drive! I won’t let my mentor drive either. Let’s go have some drinks.”

“That sounds good, especially since it’s snowing. But don’t you have work tomorrow?” Yao Bei asked her.

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Our company has a three-day Christmas holiday.”

“You have such a luxurious and practical holiday as Christmas break?” Yao Bei was genuinely envious.

“It’s an American company.”

The slight disappointment that Luan Nian had brought her quickly dissipated. Unusually, she didn’t work overtime and left after packing up her things. Lu Mi asked beside her: “Is that the sister I sent home last time?”

“Yes.”

“Then today I want to have a good drink with this sister.” She spoke as she wrapped her arm around Shang Zhitao’s neck, walking arm in arm: “Let me ask you, you’ve been in Beijing for almost half a year now, have you found a boyfriend? How will you spend Christmas?”

How would she spend Christmas? Shang Zhitao hadn’t thought about it. Luan Nian was leaving on a flight that very night. Shang Zhitao had heard him talking on the phone at his place; it seemed he had a few friends who celebrated together every year, from Christmas to New Year’s. This year he was going to Hokkaido.

“I want to sleep for three days at home.” She had decided. It had been too hard lately. Today she would have some drinks, and tomorrow she would sleep through the day.

“That’s such a waste.” Lu Mi smiled at her: “Can I introduce you to a boyfriend?”

“Hmm?”

“My childhood friend, three years older than you, opened his small restaurant, has three houses, and isn’t bad looking. Consider it?” Lu Mi hoped Shang Zhitao would date her childhood friend. She liked Shang Zhitao, and if they got together, they could all hang out together in the future.

“But I don’t want a boyfriend yet.” Shang Zhitao hurriedly said. She felt her relationship with Luan Nian wasn’t exactly clean, and she had no intention of withdrawing from it. She didn’t want to insult anyone.

“Alright. But we can at least have a meal together sometime, right?”

“Haha, sure.”

The two left the company to take the subway, heading to eat grilled meat near Lu Mi’s old house. After getting off the subway, they saw Sun Yu already waiting there. It was snowing, and she was watching it, fascinated. Shang Zhitao called to her, and she smiled at Lu Mi, not being shy at all. Yao Bei wasn’t shy either. This was how the four of them came together for the first time.

Yao Bei said to the other two: “Little Taotao was very popular in school, and quite a few boys liked her. Right?”

Shang Zhitao blushed at the compliment and quickly shook her head: “No! Only Xin Zhaozhou!”

“No, many boys liked you. You just didn’t know. You’re so dense that only someone like Xin Zhaozhou, who favored you so obviously, could be noticed.”

Shang Zhitao thought of Xin Zhaozhou.

Yao Bei was right; Xin Zhaozhou did favor her. But what good was that favor when, in the end, one went north and one went south? Shang Zhitao felt a bit fragile as the holiday approached. She wondered how Xin Zhaozhou was doing in Shenzhen now.

She picked up Lu Mi’s drink and took a sip, her eyes reddening: “Xin Zhaozhou did favor me. I feel I might never encounter such a bright, clear love again in this lifetime.”

She was very pessimistic.

When it snowed, she admitted she liked Luan Nian, yet didn’t hope for him to like her back. Luan Nian didn’t avoid talking on the phone in front of her. She heard a man say: “This time in Hokkaido, can you and Zang Yao finally get together?”

Who was Zang Yao? Would Luan Nian send her a bouquet during the holiday? Shang Zhitao liked flowers. She still remembered that Christmas in her junior year when Xin Zhaozhou stood beneath her dormitory building with a bouquet. Worried the flowers would freeze, he opened his coat and sheltered them against his body—a disheveled kind of romance.

After dinner, Lu Mi clamored about going to a nightclub. She told them: “Don’t be good girls! Go to the club, dance, and drink! Once you get to the club, you’ll realize: to hell with men!”

These women, who had never been to a nightclub before, followed Lu Mi and went. Only after arriving did Shang Zhitao realize how naive she had been. Within the second minute of entering, she felt her heart was about to leap out. Yao Bei and Sun Yu adapted well, dancing with Lu Mi. They wouldn’t let her sit there, nor would they let her drink lemon water. Instead, they ordered her a cocktail. Lu Mi shouted in her ear: “We’re not going home tonight!”

Shang Zhitao found her hilarious and laughed out loud, also taking a sip of her drink like Lu Mi. That day marked the beginning of Shang Zhitao’s drinking. But she was selective about who she drank with, only drinking with people she liked. At that time, her alcohol tolerance wasn’t good; after half a glass of a cocktail, she felt dizzy. Fortunately, she was still somewhat clearheaded and sat there swaying to the music. When Luan Nian’s call came in, she didn’t see, only noticing her phone lighting up, and answered casually: “Hello?”

By coincidence, after sitting there for so long without anyone approaching her, just as she answered the phone, a man came up beside her phone: “Beautiful lady, come dance!”

Shang Zhitao instinctively moved away from him and looked at her phone again, but the call had already ended. She opened her call log and brought the phone closer, seeing Luan Nian’s name. So she politely called him back: “Do you need something? I couldn’t hear just now.”

“Where are you?” Luan Nian asked her.

“I’m at a nightclub.” Shang Zhitao didn’t think there was anything wrong with going to a nightclub. Apart from being too noisy, the club was quite fun, and she was getting into it.

Luan Nian didn’t reply again. He knew young girls all liked to have fun; no matter how well-behaved they normally seemed, they still had their rebellious moments. Shang Zhitao’s going to a nightclub had no fundamental connection to him, and even if she went home with some man tonight, he wouldn’t mind. After a long while, he sent her another message: “Please take care of my fish for me.”

Shang Zhitao didn’t reply again.

To be precise, Shang Zhitao was too drunk. She didn’t even know where her phone was and was sent home by the other three women. When she opened her eyes the next morning, snow had already accumulated in a thick layer.

She felt somewhat lost.

Had it snowed this heavily in Hokkaido too? So she took out her computer to check the weather in Hokkaido. Indeed, the snow in Hokkaido was heavy, and Otaru was truly beautiful. There were only a few travel blogs about Hokkaido on the website, which she had read countless times. It was on Christmas Eve night that she suddenly saw a brief travel blog, just uploaded. There was a photo of a group of people in the blog, and in one of them was someone she was very familiar with—Luan Nian.

Luan Nian had his hands under a girl’s armpits, lifting her and throwing her into the snow. He was smiling happily.

So he had such happy moments too.

That girl also looked familiar to Shang Zhitao. After thinking for a very long time, she finally remembered the night in Guangzhou, the girl who went to Luan Nian’s room. So her name was Zang Yao.

Zang Yao was really beautiful. No wonder his friends wanted him to quickly seal the deal with her.

Shang Zhitao read that travel blog dozens of times. She could even recite Zang Yao’s description: “In this lifetime, one must come to Hokkaido with someone they love. Drink sake in Otaru, watch the snow at Lake Toya, and soak in wild hot springs. A group of people drinking until slightly tipsy, looking at each other and saying: Let’s be together forever.”

This passage was written so beautifully that Shang Zhitao nearly cried. She liked Zang Yao’s photo the most—dancing on tiptoe in the thick snow.

It was a life she could never have.

Her Christmas Eve was somewhat lonely. Downstairs, adults were bringing children to exchange apples with each other; in those years, people were full of enthusiasm for Western holidays. She felt she should eat an apple too, so she jumped out of bed and went to the living room. On the dining table, she saw an apple. Under the apple was a note that read: “For Shang Zhitao. Merry Christmas Eve. Sun Yuanzhu.”

Shang Zhitao suddenly burst into tears.