Lei Shaogong stopped at the front of the living room and walked from the stone path to the duty room in the attendants’ quarters. The duty room was receiving today’s newspapers and letters—sorting and preparing them for clipping and reading. He was only serving in an honorary position and didn’t need to do these tasks, but he helped out anyway. While they were busy, someone entered through the doorway—it was Wang Linda, the deputy director of the First Attendants’ Office. Though he and Lei Shaogong were quite familiar with each other, he merely nodded at him. Lei Shaogong asked, “What happened exactly?” Wang Linda replied, “Something happened at Mang Lake—a landslide.” Lei Shaogong immediately felt uneasy and asked, “When did it happen?” Wang Linda said, “We received the call after five o’clock and immediately summoned Song Mingli and Zhang You to come—anger was inevitable.”
Lei Shaogong knew things weren’t good but couldn’t speak openly about it.
Wang Linda said, “There’s something else.” Lei Shaogong noticed his hesitation, so they walked out of the duty room together. By now, only a drizzle remained, barely enough to dampen clothes. The courtyard’s bluestone slabs had been washed clean by the rain. A sparrow in the middle of the courtyard was hopping along step by step but flew up to a tree branch when the two men passed by. Wang Linda watched the bird fly away, a hint of worry on his face, and said, “Last night, sir somehow learned about the Third Young Master’s overdraft, and his expression immediately darkened. This is a private matter, and I shouldn’t be meddling, but with the Mang Lake incident happening this morning, I’m afraid sir will lose his temper.” Lei Shaogong realized the gravity of the situation and broke into a cold sweat. After composing himself, he asked, “Where is the madam?”
Wang Linda replied, “She went to Suigang with the eldest daughter yesterday morning.”
Lei Shaogong knew it was too late for distant help in this urgent situation, so he asked, “Who else is here?”
“Tang Haoming and his people are here for the meeting now.”
Lei Shaogong stamped his foot and said, “They’re useless. I’ll call Mr. He.” Wang Linda replied, “I’m afraid it’s too late.” Before he finished speaking, an attendant approached from a distance, saying, “Director Wang, phone call.” Wang Linda had to hurry away. Lei Shaogong immediately went to call He Xu’an, but the line was busy. Fortunately, as soon as the switchboard operator announced an incoming call, the other side answered. He simply said, “This is Lei Shaogong. Please ask Mr. He to come to the phone.” The person on the other end didn’t dare to be careless and promptly replied, “Please wait a moment.” His heart was racing, and Lei Shaogong’s hand holding the receiver was sweating. Finally, He Xu’an came to the phone, and after Lei explained briefly, He Xu’an, being a perceptive man, immediately said, “I’ll come right away.” Only then did Lei Shaogong feel slightly relieved as he hung up and returned to the duty room.
There was no one in the attendants’ room, and the silence made him even more uneasy. Not knowing the situation inside, he grew anxious until an attendant hurriedly entered and said, “Director Lei, you’re here—sir has lost his temper badly and is holding the family discipline rod.” This was exactly what he had feared most but couldn’t avoid. He quickly asked, “Why doesn’t anyone try to persuade him?”
“Several people don’t dare to intervene, and the Third Young Master refuses to beg for mercy.”
Lei Shaogong could only stamp his foot. “How could he beg for mercy? This young lord’s temperament has gotten him in trouble so many times.” He knew there was nothing to be done but remained anxious. After a while, he heard that the more people tried to persuade him, the more it was like pouring oil on fire. The master struck even harder, breaking the discipline rod and grabbing a fire poker from beside the fireplace—made of white copper. The head of the attendants’ office, Jin Yongren, rushed to block him but was pushed away and staggered. The master only said harshly, “All of you get out!” Jin Yongren, who was usually highly trusted, knew this situation had gotten serious and quickly told the attendant, “Why are you standing there? Hurry and call the madam.”
The attendant hurried away. When Lei Shaogong heard Jin Yongren say this, he knew the situation was beyond salvaging. He walked to the corridor and saw He Xu’an’s car arriving from a distance. He hurried forward to open the car door for him. Seeing Lei Shaogong’s expression, He Xu’an guessed most of what had happened and, without asking a single question, strode quickly toward the east. When Jin Yongren saw him, he also felt relieved and personally opened the door for him.
Lei Shaogong paced back and forth in the corridor several times before seeing the two men supporting Mu Rong Qingyi out. He rushed forward to help. Seeing his ashen face and staggering steps, Lei Shaogong hurriedly helped support him and instructed those nearby, “Go call Dr. Cheng.”
Madam Mu Rong and Jin Rui returned in the afternoon. As soon as they got out of the car, they went straight to the second floor. Lei Shaogong happened to be coming out of the room and quickly bowed when he saw Madam Mu Rong, saying, “Madam.” Madam Mu Rong waved her hand dismissively, and she and Jin Rui went straight into the room. Seeing the extent of the injuries, she was naturally anxious, angry, and pained. She comforted her son with tears in her eyes, speaking for a long time before coming out.
As soon as she came out and saw Lei Shaogong still there, she asked, “Why did he strike the child so severely?” Lei Shaogong answered, “Because of the Mang Lake incident, and the unauthorized bank overdraft, along with several minor issues that all happened to come together.” Madam Mu Rong wiped the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief and said, “Is this worth such punishment over some official business?!” She also asked, “How much did the third child overdraw? Where could he possibly spend so much money that he needed an overdraft?”
Lei Shaogong found it difficult to answer, and before he could speak, Jin Rui said, “Mother, the third brother is too playful. It’s good for a father to discipline him a bit to prevent him from causing more trouble without any restraint.” Madam Mu Rong said, “Look at those injuries; they must have been inflicted with a metal object.” Tears fell again, “How heartless, he nearly killed the child.”
Jin Rui said, “Father was angry, so naturally he struck with whatever he grabbed.” She added, “Mom, go back to your room and rest a bit. You must be tired after sitting in the car half the day.” Madam Mu Rong nodded and said to Lei Shaogong, “Little Lei, please look after the third child for me.” Then she left.
It began to rain again at dusk. Outside the bedroom window stood an old locust tree, its leaves swaying like an umbrella in the misty rain. Mu Rong Qingyi woke up, drenched in sweat. Seeing it was already dark, he asked, “What time is it?” Lei Shaogong quickly stepped forward to answer, “Almost seven o’clock. Are you hungry?” Mu Rong Qingyi said, “I don’t want to eat anything.” He asked again, “Where is Mother?”
Lei Shaogong answered, “Madam is downstairs.” He continued, “This afternoon when madam went to speak with sir, the attendants all said that for the first time in many years, they saw madam angry with sir.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said weakly, “She feels sorry for me—my whole body aches terribly. Please tell mother that father is still angry, and saying more would be useless, possibly making things worse.”
Lei Shaogong said, “Sir said he wants to send you abroad. Madam is angry about this.”
Mu Rong Qingyi gave a bitter laugh and said, “I knew it. Father has decided to deal with me severely this time.”
Lei Shaogong said, “Sir may just be angry for the moment.” As they were talking, Madam Mu Rong arrived. Lei Shaogong quickly excused himself. Mu Rong Qingyi saw traces of tears on his mother’s face and called out, “Mom.” This made Madam Mu Rong even more distressed. She held his hand and said, “I don’t know what’s gotten into your father. He insists on sending you abroad. How can I bear to part with you?”
Hearing her words, Mu Rong Qingyi knew the matter was irreversible. His heart calmed down, and he said, “Going abroad isn’t such a bad thing.” Madam Mu Rong nodded, “Your father wants you to study for two more years abroad. I’ve thought about it and will apply to a good school for you. Learning something before coming back will always be useful.” After a pause, she continued, “Your father means well to you. Although I don’t agree with his methods, you are sometimes too willful. When you’re abroad, it won’t be like being at home. It will be good to temper that stubbornness of yours.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Father beat me half to death, and after feeling sorry for me for just a moment, you’re lecturing me on his behalf.”
Madam Mu Rong said, “Look at you, do you think your father doesn’t care for you? When you’ve done something wrong, you should admit it properly. Why provoke your father into such a rage?”
Mu Rong Qingyi knew that despite her words, her heart was still on his side. So he smiled and changed the subject, “Which university will mother apply to for me? Maybe I should attend mother’s alma mater.” This finally made Madam Mu Rong smile, “You’re being mischievous again as soon as the pain lessens a bit. You know very well my alma mater is a Christian girls’ school.”
He recuperated for several days. Being young and with no injuries to his tendons or bones, he recovered quickly. By this day, he could already go downstairs. After being confined for days, even his steps felt lighter. But when he walked down to the small sitting room, he stood properly at the doorway. Madam Mu Rong looked up and saw him, smiling, “Why don’t you come in?” Mu Rong Feng also raised his head, saw him, and merely frowned. Mu Rong Qingyi had to walk closer and call out, “Father.”
Mu Rong Feng said, “I see your frivolous nature hasn’t changed at all. I wasted my time placing you in the military, hoping discipline would correct you, but it was of no use.” Fearing he would get angry again, Madam Mu Rong quickly said, “I’ve already discussed going abroad with the third child. He’s willing to go and study.”
Mu Rong Feng snorted and said, “These days you should stay at home and review your English. As for your group of friends, I’ve asked Jin Yongren to make other arrangements. If you dare to go out and cause trouble again, I’ll break your legs!”
Seeing Mu Rong Qingyi looking dejected, Madam Mu Rong said to her husband, “Enough. The third child is already injured like this. How could he go out?” Then she said to Mu Rong Qingyi, “Your father only wants what’s best for you. Calm down these days and review your English. It will be useful abroad.”
Mu Rong Qingyi had to agree. He was practically under house arrest, with all his attendants reassigned. Every day at home, he was only depressed. When his injuries healed, Madam Mu Rong personally escorted him abroad to study.
Autumn passed to winter, winter gave way to spring. Time flowed swiftly like an arrow, gone without return. The days passed like hibiscus flowers—first in the bud, gradually blooming splendidly, wilting, then blooming again. In a flash, four years had passed.
It began to rain again. The faint sound of rain outside the window made the autumn night feel even cooler like water. In the dressing room, several girls were laughing and playing around like a nest of small birds. Ren Susu sat alone, tying the ribbons of her ballet shoes. Mu Lan came over and said to her, “Susu, my heart is in such a mess.” Susu smiled slightly and said, “You’re a big star now. Are you still nervous before performances?” Mu Lan said, “It’s not stage fright. I just heard that the madam is coming, and my heart immediately started racing.” Hearing this, Susu froze for a moment, though she didn’t know why. Mu Lan continued, “I heard Madam Mu Rong is a ballet expert. I’m afraid of showing off before an expert.” After a while, Susu finally comforted her, “Don’t worry. You dance so well and are so famous. That’s why she’s coming to see you.”
The stage manager came looking for them, “Miss Fang, the makeup artist is waiting for you.” Mu Lan smiled at Susu and went to her private dressing room. Susu lowered her head and continued tying her shoe ribbons, but her hands were trembling slightly, pulling the thin satin ribbons like a taut string. It took her a long time to tie the ribbons properly. Everyone in the dressing room had gradually gone to the stage, leaving her sitting alone with her knees drawn up. The sky gradually darkened, and the sound of rain outside grew heavier. From a distance came the music from the stage, the melancholic “Butterfly Lovers.” The eighteen farewells, Yingtai’s heart, was startled and joyful. In the play’s life, even in tragedy, there is always a moment of happiness. But in reality, even a moment of happiness seemed an extravagant hope.
Rouge, powder, eyebrow pencils, lipstick… all scattered messily on the dressing table. She stared blankly at the mirror. The reflection showed her like a statue, motionless. Her feet had gone numb, but she didn’t notice. At her temples, it felt as if two fine needles were pricking her; with each prick, her blood vessels throbbed. She wore only a thin dance costume and felt cold, wave after wave of cold as if all the blood in her body had frozen. She sat there, biting her lower lip hard until it bled, yet it didn’t occur to her to find a coat to put on.
Suddenly, there was a commotion in the corridor outside. Someone came in, calling her name, “Susu!” Each call was more urgent than the last, but she didn’t know how to answer until the person walked in and called again. Only then did she raise her head somewhat dazedly.
It was the frantic stage manager. “Susu, quick, Mu Lan has sprained her ankle! You’ll dance Zhu Yingtai for the final scene.”
She felt a buzzing sound, and heaven and earth seemed to spin. She heard her own tiny voice, “No.”
After a long moment, the stage manager said, “Are you crazy? You’ve been the understudy for so many years. Why won’t you take this opportunity?”
She weakly shrank back like an exhausted snail, “I can’t—I stopped dancing for two years. I’ve never performed the lead role.”
The stage manager grew impatient, “You’ve always been Miss Fang’s understudy. This is an emergency. It’s just the final scene. Who else can dance it if not you? What airs are you putting on at this critical moment?”
She wasn’t putting on airs. Her head was splitting with pain, and she just kept shaking her head, “I can’t.” The director and teacher came over, and all three tried to persuade her, but she just desperately shook her head. Time was running out. The stage manager and director, without further discussion, pushed and hurried her onto the stage. The grand red and gold curtain slowly rose—it was too late.
Too late. Music filled the theater. She looked out at the sea of faces, a suffocating sight. Almost by mechanical instinct, her toes slipped into the first round de jambe with the music. Years of practice had created an instinct that required no thought—arabesques, fouettes, jetes… flowing beautifully, fine sweat dampening her forehead, arms spreading like wings. Light and music filled the universe, and her mind was left with only mechanical movements. Time became a boundless ocean, her spinning body merely a floating doll. This scene was only forty minutes long, but it felt like forty years, four hundred years… It was just torture. She felt like a fish out of water, slowly roasting on a fire, her skin tightening inch by inch, her breathing quickening with each minute, yet unable to break free or escape. The end seemed an unattainable luxury. She remembered, remembered that terrible nightmare, as if being torn apart again. Each time her taut toes touched the ground, it was like landing on a knife edge, each time slowly cutting her heart into pieces.
As the last trembling note of music fell, there was complete silence all around. She could hear her rapid breathing. She didn’t dare look toward the audience. The light behind her was as hot as a fallen sun, with beads of sweat slowly dropping.
Finally, thunderous applause erupted. She had forgotten to curtsy. Turning hastily, she left Zhuang Chengzhi, who played Liang Shanbo, stranded center stage. The stage manager at the side of the stage turned pale with anxiety. Only then did she remember to return and bow with Zhuang Chengzhi.
After leaving the stage, everyone surrounded her like stars around the moon, praising her from all sides: “Susu, you danced so wonderfully today.” She was almost at the edge of collapse, allowing herself to be dragged back to the dressing room. Someone handed her a towel, and she weakly used it to cover her face. She had to leave, get away from here. In the sea of audience faces was someone who filled her with near-desperate fear. She just wanted to escape.
The director came over excitedly, “The madam is here.”
The towel fell to the ground. She slowly bent down to pick it up, but someone was quicker and picked it up for her. She slowly raised her head and gradually stood up. Madam Mu Rong was walking over with a smile, saying to those beside her, “Look at how beautiful this child is. She dances so beautifully, but she’s even more beautiful.”
She just tightly gripped the corner of the dressing table, as if she would collapse if she let go. Madam Mu Rong took her hand and smiled, “She’s truly lovable.” The director introduced her from the side, “Madam, her name is Ren Susu,” while gently pushing her forward from behind.
Only then did she come to her senses and said softly, “Hello, madam.”
Madam Mu Rong nodded with a smile and went to shake hands with other performers. She stood there, seemingly drained of all strength. Finally, she gathered the courage to raise her eyes and saw him standing there in the distance, still as elegant as orchids and jade, standing tall in the breeze. Her face instantly turned pale. She had thought she would never see him again, that his world had forever moved away from hers. Yet in this chance encounter, he was still the dashing young master, his clothing line as straight as ever.
She hastily stepped back, as overwhelming, desperate fear swept over her.
In the small dressing room, with so many people and surrounded by noisy voices, she felt only silence, a silence that made her heart uneasy. Reporters were taking photos, someone brought in flowers, and she couldn’t breathe, as if suffocating. Her companions were excitedly talking and laughing. Mu Lan came over supported by others, holding her hand and talking to her, but she didn’t hear a single word. She kept her eyes lowered, but her whole body was tense. When people shook her hand, she extended hers; when they photographed her, she posed—like an empty puppet, just a shell moving like a walking corpse.
Finally, Madam Mu Rong left, and the large entourage of attendants and reporters also departed. Everything truly quieted down. The director wanted to treat everyone to a late supper, and everyone excitedly discussed where to go. She only said she wasn’t feeling well and left alone through the back door.
The rain was pouring heavily. The cool wind made her shudder. An umbrella sheltered her from the rain, and she looked somewhat dazedly at the person holding it—he politely said, “Miss Ren, it’s been a long time.” She remembered his surname was Lei. She glanced at the car parked in the shadows across the street. Lei Shaogong simply said, “Please get in the car to talk, Miss Ren.” He was a bit worried that Miss Ren, who looked so delicate, had such a stubborn personality and might not want to meet with Mu Rong Qingyi. To his surprise, after hesitating for just a moment, she walked toward the car. He quickly followed, opening the car door for her.
The journey was silent. Lei Shaogong was only concerned that although Mu Rong Qingyi was young and had many girlfriends, he had never seen him like this before. Even after four years, upon seeing her, his gaze remained focused. This Miss Ren, unseen for four years, had become even more beautiful—but this beauty subtly aroused concern.
9
The house at Duanshan had just been renovated, with fresh and exquisite touches everywhere. Ren Susu hesitated before getting out of the car. The living room was still arranged as before. Lei Shaogong, knowing it was inappropriate to stay, closed the door for them and withdrew. In the corridor, there was only a small lamp, its yellowish light illuminating the newly laid cement floor. Outside, the sound of rain filled the air. Because they had accompanied Madam Mu Rong to the event, they were dressed in formal military attire. The fabric was too thick, and after pacing back and forth several times, he began to feel hot. Irritated, he turned in another circle. Faintly, he heard Mu Rong Qingyi calling him: “Little Lei!”
He quickly responded and walked to the living room door, where he saw Ren Susu leaning on the sofa armrest, appearing to be crying. Under the light, Mu Rong Qingyi’s face was snow-white. He had never seen him like this before and was startled. He hurriedly asked, “Third Young Master, what’s wrong?” Mu Rong Qingyi’s expression was complex, but his gaze was somewhat blank as if he had encountered a great shock. Lei Shaogong was increasingly alarmed and quickly reached out to hold his hand. “Third Young Master, what happened? Your hand is so cold.”
Mu Rong Qingyi looked back at Ren Susu, then walked out with Lei Shaogong to the corridor. The chandelier’s light from the living room projected sideways, illuminating his face, which still appeared dazed. After a while, he finally said, “I need you to do something for me.”
Lei Shaogong answered “Yes,” but heard nothing further for a long time. Growing concerned, he called out again, “Third Young Master.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Go—go find someone for me.” After a moment, he added, “You must handle this personally, and no one else can know about it.”
Lei Shaogong responded again, “Yes.” He then asked, “Third Young Master, what should I do when I find them?”
Hearing this question, Mu Rong Qingyi seemed to freeze. After a long while, he echoed, “When you find them—what to do?”
Lei Shaogong vaguely sensed something unusual but didn’t dare make wild guesses. He heard Mu Rong Qingyi say, “Report to me immediately when you find them. Go now.” He could only repeatedly agree, take a car, and set out at once.
Mu Rong Qingyi returned to the living room and saw Ren Susu still motionless, leaning there, looking dazed. He reached out his hand and slowly stroked her hair. She instinctively recoiled, but he wouldn’t allow it. He helped her up, but she struggled to push him away. He forcefully pulled her into his embrace. She continued to struggle but couldn’t break free. She sobbed and bit down hard on his arm. He didn’t let go, and she bit fiercely as if using all her strength. He remained motionless, allowing her to bite until she drew blood, only frowning in pain. Eventually, she released her bite but continued crying, soaking his collar completely until it clung cold against him. He patted her back while she stubbornly pressed against his chest, still crying.
She finally quieted down with occasional sobs after crying until she was exhausted. Outside the window, the mournful sound of rain continued, drop by drop, with the subtle patter from the eaves lasting until dawn.
As the sky barely brightened, the rain still hadn’t stopped. An attendant received a phone call and tiptoed into the living room. Mu Rong Qingyi was still sitting there, traces of blood in his eyes. Ren Susu had fallen asleep. He had one arm around her, half-reclined on the sofa. Seeing the attendant enter, he raised his eyebrows.
The attendant said softly, “Director Lei is calling. He asks you to answer.”
Mu Rong Qingyi nodded and moved slightly, then frowned—half his body had gone numb and lost sensation. The attendant noticed this and stepped forward to get him a soft pillow. He took it and placed it behind Ren Susu’s neck before standing up. Even his legs were numb, and it took some time for his blood to circulate before he went to answer the phone.
Lei Shaogong, usually composed, now had a hint of anxiety in his voice. “Third Young Master, I found the child, but he’s very ill.”
With his mind in turmoil, Mu Rong Qingyi asked, “Very ill—how exactly?”
Lei Shaogong said, “The doctor says it’s encephalitis. He can’t be moved now, and I’m afraid the situation doesn’t look good. Third Young Master, what should we do?”
Mu Rong Qingyi looked back, catching a glimpse of Ren Susu through the screen divider. She was still sleeping heavily, and even in her sleep, her delicate eyebrows were slightly furrowed, as if shrouded in light smoke. His mind was in a complete haze. He only said, “Take good care of the child and call me anytime.”
He hung up the phone and paced back and forth in the corridor. Since returning to the country, he held multiple positions with complex official duties. The attendant checked his watch, feeling conflicted. Seeing his demeanor, he appeared to be struggling with a difficult decision and didn’t dare disturb him. But as the clock struck seven, he had to steel himself and approach to remind him: “Third Young Master, there’s a meeting at Wu Chi today.”
Only then did he remember, feeling increasingly distressed. He said, “Call them and say I have a headache.” The attendant had to agree and left. Breakfast was brought from the kitchen, but he found it impossible to eat and waved his hand, having it removed untouched. He went to the study and randomly picked up a book to read, but hadn’t turned a page after a long time. Around ten o’clock, Lei Shaogong called again. After the call, his forehead was covered in cold sweat, and his heart felt weak. When returning to the living room, he wasn’t paying attention and tripped on the carpet’s seam, nearly falling. Fortunately, the attendant rushed to support him. The attendant saw his ashen face and tightly closed lips, quite alarmed. He composed himself, pushed away the attendant’s hand, and turned around the screen. He saw Ren Susu standing by the window, holding a teacup that she hadn’t drunk from, biting the edge of the cup and staring blankly. Seeing him, she put down the cup and asked, “Did you find the child?”
He said softly, “No—they said someone adopted the child. There’s no address, and it will be very difficult to find the child.”
She lowered her head, and the water in the cup rippled slightly. He said with difficulty, “Don’t cry.”
Her voice dropped lower, “I… I shouldn’t have sent him away… but I really… had no choice…” Finally, only weak sobbing remained. His heart felt like it was being twisted by a knife. He didn’t understand why he felt so anguished. For over twenty years, his life had been extraordinarily successful, getting whatever he wanted. Only today did he suddenly realize his powerlessness. He was powerless even against her tears. Those tears were like salt viciously sprinkled on a wound, causing deep pain to stir in the innermost part of his heart.
Lei Shaogong returned to Duanshan in the evening. As soon as he entered the main gate, an attendant came to meet him, relieved. “Director Lei, you’re finally back. The Third Young Master said he had a headache and hadn’t eaten all day. When we asked if we should call Dr. Cheng, he got angry again.” Lei Shaogong responded with a sound of acknowledgment and asked, “Where is Miss Ren?”
“Miss Ren is upstairs. The Third Young Master is in the study.”
Lei Shaogong thought for a moment and went to the study to see Mu Rong Qingyi. The sky had already darkened, but no lights were on. He sat alone in the darkness. Lei Shaogong called out, “Third Young Master,” and said, “You need to return to Shuangqiao. You’ll be late for tonight’s meeting.”
He remained motionless. When Lei Shaogong approached, he asked, “The child… what was he like?”
In the darkness, Lei Shaogong couldn’t see his expression. Hearing his hoarse voice, Lei Shaogong also felt a pang of sadness and said, “The child was very good. When I arrived, he could no longer speak. Until the end, he didn’t cry, just seemed to fall asleep. The nun at the orphanage said this child had always been obedient. After falling ill, he didn’t cry or make a fuss, only called for his mother.”
Mu Rong Qingyi murmured, “He… called for his mother… didn’t he call for me?”
Lei Shaogong called out, “Third Young Master,” and said, “Although the matter is sorrowful, it’s in the past now. Don’t be sad. If anyone notices something and it reaches your father’s ears, it could be a great disaster.”
After a long silence, Mu Rong Qingyi finally said, “You handled this matter very well.” After a moment, he added, “Don’t let Miss Ren know a word of this. If she asks, just say the child wasn’t found and someone adopted him.”
He went upstairs to the bedroom to change clothes. Ren Susu was already asleep. The dishes sent up from the kitchen had barely been touched and still sat on the small dining table. She was curled up in the corner of the bed like an infant, clutching the corner of the blanket. Her long eyelashes were like butterfly wings, fluttering slightly with each breath. He felt as if this fluttering reached the bottom of his heart, causing him pain.
Ren Susu slept until morning. The sky had cleared. The curtains hadn’t been drawn, and sunlight streamed through the tall windows, filled with countless dancing golden dust motes, like light beams on a stage. Such good weather was rare in autumn. Outside the window, he could hear the brittle autumn leaves rustling in the wind, a light sound in the clear sky, and thin clouds. The bedding had a faint scent of lily perfume, mixed with an elusive hint of mint tobacco. The smooth satin felt cool against her face. She dazedly looked at the intricate tall windows on both sides, with gorgeous ivory-colored drawn-work curtains swaying gently in the breeze, only then remembering where she was.
The room was quiet. She washed her face and loosely arranged her hair. Opening the bedroom door, the corridor was also silent. She walked all the way downstairs before seeing an attendant who politely greeted her: “Good morning, Miss Ren.” She replied with a “Good morning,” then turned to see the clock—it was nearly nine o’clock. She couldn’t help but exclaim, “Oh no!” The attendant, skilled at reading people, asked, “Is Miss Ren in a hurry?”
She said, “I have a training class this morning, and this place is far from the city center…” Her voice trailed off. She hadn’t expected to sleep so deeply after being physically and mentally exhausted. The attendant said, “Don’t worry, I’ll have them bring a car to take Miss Ren to the city.” Without waiting for her response, he went to arrange for a car. Ren Susu was only worried about being too late, but fortunately, the car was very fast, taking just thirty minutes to get her to her destination.
She changed into her dance clothes and shoes and walked to the practice hall. The others were focused on practice, but Zhuang Chengzhi noticed her quietly enter and glanced at her but didn’t say anything. At noon, everyone ate together at a small restaurant as usual, laughing and chatting while dipping food into the hot pot. She had no appetite but went through the motions. After finishing the meal and walking out, she saw a shiny black Chevrolet parked across the street. Someone waved to her from the car window, “Susu!” It was Mu Lan.
She happily walked over and asked, “Is your foot better?” Mu Lan smiled and said, “Much better.” She added, “I have nothing to do, so I came to find you for coffee.”
They went to their usual café, where Mu Lan loved the ice cream. Ren Susu didn’t normally like Western food or sweets, but to avoid just sitting there, she ordered a chestnut cake. She picked up the small silver spoon but took a long time to scoop a tiny piece, slowly savoring it in her mouth. Mu Lan asked, “Where did you go yesterday? I looked everywhere for you.” Ren Susu didn’t know what to say and just sighed softly. Mu Lan smiled and said, “Someone asked me to invite you to dinner—that Mr. Zhang we met at the gold shop last time.” Ren Susu said, “I’m terrible at socializing, you know that.” Mu Lan laughed, “I said no, but the director begged me to ask you.” She continued, “This Mr. Zhang wants to sponsor our production of ‘Giselle.’ The director is just seeing dollar signs. You can ignore it.”
Ren Susu slowly ate her cake, when Mu Lan said, “I don’t want to dance anymore—I can’t dance anymore. After so many years, I feel reluctant to give it up.” Ren Susu asked in surprise, “You’re not dancing anymore? How can that be? The director is counting on you.” Mu Lan smiled and said, “You danced so well the other night. The director is counting on you now.”
Ren Susu put down her spoon and asked, “Mu Lan, are you angry with me?”
Mu Lan shook her head, “You’re my best friend. I’m happy for your success. How could I be angry with you? After all these years, I feel worn out and don’t want to dance anymore. I want to go home and get married.”
Hearing this, Ren Susu was both surprised and pleased. She quickly asked, “Really? Has Young Master Xu’s family agreed? Congratulations to you.”
Mu Lan smiled again, though with a hint of worry, “They still don’t agree, but I’m somewhat confident about Changning.” She drained her coffee and put down the cup, saying, “Let’s not talk about these unpleasant things. Let’s go to the department store.”
Ren Susu went shopping with her at the department store for half a day until both their legs were sore. Mu Lan bought many new clothes and shoes, with boxes and bags of all shapes and sizes thrown into the back seat of the car. Suddenly, she remembered, “There’s a new restaurant that’s supposed to be excellent and expensive. I’ll treat you.” Ren Susu knew she was unhappy but didn’t know how to console her in this hopeless situation, so she just went along. Getting out of the car at the restaurant entrance, Ren Susu thought some of the cars parked along the road looked familiar. Before she could remember where she had seen them, they entered the door and happened to meet Lei Shaogong coming down from upstairs. Seeing her, he showed some surprise and called out, “Miss Ren.”
Mu Lan saw him and was also surprised, looking toward Ren Susu. Then they heard him say, “The Third Young Master is inside—he’s been having people look everywhere for Miss Ren.” Ren Susu wished he hadn’t said that and felt confused. Lei Shaogong led them inside. The waiter opened the door to the private room, which turned out to be a large suite. When Mu Rong Qingyi saw her, he left the group and stood up, “Oh, they found you?” He added, “I had a meeting that ran very late last night, so I didn’t return. Don’t wander off in the future. They’ve been looking for you all afternoon without finding you.”
The others at the table, never having heard him explain his whereabouts to a woman before, were all stunned. After a moment, someone behind him laughed, “Third Young Master, we can all testify that you were indeed at the meeting in Shuangqiao last night and nowhere else.” The group burst into laughter, making light of the situation. Someone else said, “Fortunately, we spoke up for the Third Young Master. This potentially awkward dinner will surely turn into a joyful one now.” Ren Susu hadn’t expected them to misunderstand like this. Her face flushed red, and she lowered her head. Mu Rong Qingyi turned and smiled, “Stop your nonsense. You’re truly not acting your age.” He took her hand and led her to the table, introducing everyone to her. Since they were all older, respected figures, he said to her, “Address them: this is Uncle Yu, this is Uncle Li, this is Uncle Wang, this is Uncle Guan.” He spoke as if she were a child, causing all four men to stand up hurriedly, saying in unison, “We wouldn’t dare.” Though he had many girlfriends, he had never introduced one this way in public. When they occasionally met, it was always with tacit understanding. The four men were filled with uncertainty. Mu Rong Qingyi paid no attention to this. Ren Susu was naturally quiet, and in front of strangers, she became even more silent. Mu Lan, usually lively, also fell silent. At the table, they could only hear the four men talking and laughing about matters Ren Susu didn’t understand.
After the meal, as they walked out, Mu Rong Qingyi, having received a purely Western education in etiquette, took Ren Susu’s handbag but casually handed it to an attendant. He asked, “You said you went to the department store. What did you buy?”
Ren Susu said, “I went with Mu Lan. I didn’t buy anything.” Mu Rong Qingyi smiled and said, “Next time you go out, tell Little Lei so a car can take you. If you want to buy something, I have accounts at several foreign stores. Just tell them to put it on my account.” Ren Susu kept her head down and remained silent. Mu Lan was a perceptive person. Seeing them speaking intimately, she made an excuse and left first.
Ren Susu followed him downstairs but hesitated at the car. Seeing the attendant open the car door, she finally gathered her courage and said, “I need to go back.” Mu Rong Qingyi said, “We’ll go back now.” He naturally put his arm around her waist. Her heart was racing, she couldn’t bring herself to say what she wanted to say and had to get into the car.
Once in the car, he didn’t remove his hand. Looking at the scenery rapidly receding outside the window, her mind was in chaos, with countless thoughts. She felt she couldn’t grasp anything, everything was too vague and complex, frightening her. He always frightened her, from the beginning until now, a deeply rooted fear without reason.
Back at Duanshan, he went to the study to handle official business, and she had to go upstairs. The bedside lamp in the bedroom had an ivory-colored cicada-wing gauze shade. The light was milky, casting a hazy glow on the wall that seemed as sweet and sticky as honey. Tonight there was a good moon, rising gracefully through the branches of the trees to the east. She gazed at the moon, round like a bronze mirror, but its light was hazy as if filtered through gauze. Both lamplight and moonlight permeated the room hazily, spreading like mercury seeping into every corner, flooding and occupying everything. She fell asleep in this hazy atmosphere.
The moonlight was still beautiful, faintly illuminating the bedside. She drowsily turned over, suddenly feeling startled, and this startle awakened her. In the darkness, she felt his hand gently caressing her cheek. Her face instantly burned hot, as if it would catch fire. She instinctively recoiled. But he grabbed her shoulders, not allowing her to escape. The heat of his lips was scorching. She instinctively wanted to resist, but he forcefully claimed her breath, the pressure of his lips almost suffocating her. She reached out to push him away, but his hand slipped through her loose garment ties, attempting to remove the barriers between them. Her body softened, and he tightened his arms, calling softly, “Susu.”
The breeze moved the drawn-work curtains like ripples suddenly appearing on a spring pond.
10
The wind picked up at dusk. Wu Chi’s winter wasn’t particularly cold, but the north wind had a piercing chill. When people suddenly emerged from the heated building, they all felt a shiver as the wind hit their faces. The sound of rapid footsteps echoed along the corridor, “tap-tap.” Mu Rong Qingyi couldn’t help but smile. Sure enough, the approaching person had a beaming face. She had walked so quickly that her fair complexion was flushed red. He deliberately slowed down and said, “Weiyi, you’re not behaving like a young lady. What if a mother sees you?” Weiyi raised her face and said with a smile, “Third Brother, don’t be hypocritical. Is your meeting over?”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “It wasn’t a meeting. Father just remembered a few matters and called us to ask about them.” Weiyi said, “I heard you got another promotion recently. Treat me to dinner today.” The people nearby were all very familiar faces, and someone called out, “Fourth Young Lady, don’t let the Third Young Master off easily. Make him pay handsomely.” She had studied abroad for many years and was the youngest child in the family, so everyone doted on her. Mu Rong Qingyi was especially fond of this sister. Hearing her words, he just smiled and said, “Everyone knows your little scheme. If you want something, just say it directly.”
Weiyi made a face and said, “Third Brother, you’re getting more and more formidable, simply inside of whatever, outside of whatever.” As the siblings talked, the others around them had matters to attend to and gradually dispersed. Only then did Weiyi say, “Today is Min Xian’s birthday.” Mu Rong Qingyi smiled and said, “I have something to do today, just assigned by Father. You all go ahead and eat. Put it on my account later.” Weiyi tugged at his sleeve and said, “What kind of response is that?” Her big eyes rolled mischievously. “Could the rumors outside be true?”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Don’t listen to nonsense. What rumors outside?”
Weiyi said, “They say you’re infatuated with a dancer who’s incredibly beautiful.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Nonsense. Do you believe such absurd gossip? If this reaches Father’s ears, I’ll hold you responsible.”
Weiyi pointed a finger at him and said, “This is a case of protesting too much. Will you go today or not? If not, I’ll tell Mother about your affair.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Stop causing trouble. Why are you insisting on speaking for Min Xian?”
Weiyi made a sound of surprise and said, “The last time we had dinner, I noticed something strange between you two. You must have argued, so I’m kindly helping you.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Well, thank you very much, but my affairs with Min Xian are none of your business.”
Weiyi said, “From your tone, I can tell it’s your fault. Mother was right—you’ll have to learn the hard way about a woman’s power.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Look at you. Is this the way an unmarried young lady should talk?”
Weiyi’s lips curved into a smile. “You’re just like Father. You allow officials to set fires but forbid common people to light lamps.”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “You’re becoming more and more improper.” He turned to leave, but Weiyi asked, “You’re not going?”
He only answered, “I have official business.”
He truly did have official business. In the evening, he had a semi-official, semi-private dinner engagement with seven or eight people who could all drink well. The wine was Huadiao, with a long-lasting aftereffect. The alcohol had already flushed his face, making him feel hot and red-eared. When returning home, he opened the car window to feel the breeze, but it didn’t help much. Upon getting out of the car at home, he saw a familiar vehicle parked there, then glanced at Lei Shaogong and raised an eyebrow. Lei Shaogong naturally understood and gave a signal to the attendants, who all quietly walked away. Mu Rong Qingyi entered alone through the back door of the corridor, tiptoeing past the small sitting room door. Unfortunately, Madam Mu Rong spotted him and called out, “Third child.” He had to go in, smiling and saying, “Mother, it’s quite lively today.”
Indeed it was lively, with a room full of female guests. When he entered, there was a sudden silence. Amidst the crowd, one pair of eyes looked at him, filled with both resentment and reproach. After greeting Madam Mu Rong, he deliberately turned to speak with Jin Rui: “Elder Sister, your new qipao is very beautiful.” Jin Rui pursed her lips and said, “Don’t think you can skirt around today’s matter with small talk. How will you make amends to our birthday girl?”
Mu Rong Qingyi felt the effects of alcohol rising, making him drowsy. But facing the current situation, he had to suppress his impatience and said, “I was wrong. I’ll treat Miss Kang to dinner another day to apologize.” As soon as the words “Miss Kang” left his mouth, Kang Min Xian’s face immediately changed. Jin Rui, seeing the situation turning sour, quickly said, “The third child is truly confused from drinking. Go upstairs and rest a bit. I’ll have the kitchen send up some sobering soup.” Mu Rong Qingyi was only too glad to take this opportunity and said, “Mother, Elder Sister, I’ll take my leave first.”
Kang Min Xian watched him leave with indifference, restraining herself repeatedly, her tears almost spilling over. Fortunately, she was a person who understood propriety. She immediately continued talking with Jin Rui about other matters as if nothing had happened. After all the female guests had left, she sat with Madam Mu Rong for a while before saying goodbye. As soon as she left, Jin Rui sighed. Weiyi, being the most straightforward and uninhibited due to her youth, said, “Third Brother is so heartless, it’s truly disheartening.” This remark made Madam Mu Rong laugh. “What are you indignant about?” After a pause, she added, “Min Xian is a very sensible child. It’s a pity that the third child has always been indifferent toward her.” Jin Rui said, “Third Brother’s faults are all due to your indulgence.”
Madam Mu Rong said, “These are all minor matters. As long as he doesn’t muddle the important things, it’s fine.” At this point, her voice suddenly lowered, “I dare not force him in this matter, for fear he’ll end up like Qingyu.” At the mention of her eldest son, her eyes immediately reddened. Weiyi felt sad, and Jin Rui said, “Mother, why bring this up for no reason?” Madam Mu Rong’s eyes glistened with tears as she sighed softly, “Although your father doesn’t say it, he regrets it. If Qingyu hadn’t… how could the accident have happened?” As she spoke the last sentence, her voice was somewhat choked. Jin Rui’s eyes also reddened, but she tried hard to comfort her: “Mother, it was an accident. Please don’t blame yourself anymore.” Madam Mu Rong said, “I just feel terrible whenever I think about it. Yesterday your father went to Liang Guan, and after returning, he locked himself in the study for a long time—he probably feels worse than I do. I can avoid seeing or thinking about it, but he still has to watch the flight exercises every year.”
Jin Rui forced a smile and said, “Weiyi, it’s all your fault for making Mother sad.” Weiyi took her mother’s hand and said, “Mom, don’t be sad. It’s Third Brother’s fault. Tomorrow we’ll punish him by making him water all your flowers.” Jin Rui said, “That’s a good punishment. He probably couldn’t finish watering them all even by nightfall.” Weiyi said, “That’s even better. Who told him to be away from home all day, so busy that we barely see him? Taking a day to accompany Mother is only proper.” Jin Rui said, “Counting on him to accompany Mother? Forget it. As soon as he gets a phone call, he’ll disappear without a trace.” The two chatted idly, deliberately changing the subject. Madam Mu Rong said, “I’ll go upstairs to check on the third child. He did look drunk today.” Going to her son’s bedroom upstairs, she found Mu Rong Qingyi just coming out of the bath. Madam Mu Rong said, “How can you go to sleep without drying your hair? You’ll catch a cold and get a headache.” Mu Rong Qingyi said, “I’m not a child anymore.” He added, “Mother, Min Xian, and I aren’t meant to be. Please tell Elder Sister not to deliberately bring us together like today.” Madam Mu Rong said, “I thought you two originally got along well, and since your return to the country, you’ve often been together. Why do you say this now? Your father quite likes that child and says she’s very proper.” Mu Rong Qingyi yawned and said, “Father likes her—Mother, you’d better be careful.”
Madam Mu Rong gently scolded, “How can you speak so improperly, child?”
Mu Rong Qingyi said, “Anyway, I don’t like her.”
This statement made Madam Mu Rong frown. After a while, she asked, “Do you have someone else in mind?” After not hearing a response for some time, she heard only even breathing—he had fallen asleep. Madam Mu Rong smiled gently, covered him with a blanket, and then left.
Being the off-season at year’s end, the dance troupe had stopped performances, though the four weekly training sessions continued as usual. The practice hall had no heating, but once everyone started dancing, they were all sweating and didn’t feel cold. Mu Lan hadn’t trained since her foot injury healed. That afternoon, she changed into her dance clothes and shoes and practiced for three hours, also working up a sweat. As it was nearly time to finish, she sat in the corner wiping her perspiration with a towel while watching Ren Susu practice.
Ren Susu seemed somewhat distracted, her movements a little stiff. After a while, she too stopped practicing and walked over to drink water and wipe off sweat. Even the beads of sweat on her beautiful face were crystal clear. Seeing that everyone else was at a distance, Mu Lan asked softly, “What’s wrong with you?”
Ren Susu shook her head without speaking. Mu Lan knew the reason and deliberately asked, “Did you disagree with the Third Young Master?”
Ren Susu said quietly, “How could I disagree with him?” Mu Lan heard this and guessed most of the situation. She said, “I heard Changning say that the Third Young Master has a bad temper. Given his status, it’s inevitable.” Ren Susu didn’t respond, and Mu Lan said, “He hasn’t been seen for several days. He must be busy.”
Ren Susu finally said, “I don’t know.” From her tone, Mu Lan guessed the two were indeed at odds. She sighed softly and said, “There’s something I don’t know if I should tell you.” After a pause, she continued, “I still want to advise you not to take this too seriously. I’ve heard he has a girlfriend he’s very close with—General Kang’s sixth daughter. They might get engaged by the end of the year.”
After hearing this, Ren Susu remained silent. Mu Lan said, “I think the Third Young Master is sincere toward you, but what kind of family are the Mu Rongs? In these years, I’ve seen through all the warmth and coldness. The Xu family has only risen to prominence in the last decade, yet they all look down on everyone. Even with Changning treating me this way, he still can’t mention marriage, let alone the Third Young Master.”
Ren Susu still said nothing. Mu Lan sighed again and gently patted her back, asking, “Today is your birthday. I shouldn’t be saying such things. Let me take you to dinner later?”
Ren Susu finally shook her head and said, “My aunt asked me to go for dinner.” Mu Lan said, “You agreed? Better not go, or you’ll just get upset again.” Ren Susu said, “No matter what, she did raise me. She just wants money. I’ll give her these two months’ salary, and that will be that.”
Mu Lan said, “I give up on you. You won’t listen anyway.”
Ren Susu changed her clothes and went to her uncle’s house. The journey was long, and the tricycle moved slowly. By the time she arrived, it was already dark. She alighted in front of the general store where her cousin Yin Xiang was minding the counter. Seeing her, Yin Xiang called back into the house, “Mom, Susu is here.” Her aunt looked the same as always, wearing a blue floral cotton-padded jacket that made her look even plumper. Seeing Ren Susu, she beamed with joy, “Susu, come in and sit down. Last year when you turned twenty, we didn’t celebrate your birthday. This year we’ll make it up to you.” She added, “Yin Xiang, pour tea for your sister and chat with her. I’ll finish cooking the last two dishes, and then we’ll eat.”
Yin Xiang poured her a cup of tea and casually asked, “Is that a new outfit? The color of the fabric is nice. Did you buy it at a foreign store?” She continued, “Last time, A-Yu from next door and I saw it in a foreign store. It cost eighty dollars per chi.” Ren Susu said, “This was given to me by Mu Lan last year. I didn’t know it was so expensive.” Yin Xiang then asked, “Miss Fang is so generous. Is she a concubine to a rich man?” Hearing this, Ren Susu felt angry but didn’t respond. Yin Xiang continued, “Being beautiful certainly has its advantages. Getting noticed by rich men and becoming a concubine might sound bad, but getting money is what matters.”
Ren Susu was getting angry when fortunately her aunt came out saying, “Dinner’s ready.” She took Ren Susu’s hand and eagerly led her inside, “Look at you, child, so thin there’s nothing but bones left. Come over more often, and your aunt will help you build up your strength.” She added, “Jin Xiang, call your younger siblings for dinner.” Jin Xiang answered from the inner room, and two half-grown children ran out like a gust of wind, noisily gathering around the table. Jin Xiang then walked out and, upon seeing Ren Susu, still wouldn’t look at her directly. Her aunt said, “Why aren’t you greeting her?” The two children called out, “Elder Sister,” and reached for their chopsticks. Their padded jackets were altered from their elder sisters’ old clothes, with the fabric at the cuffs worn through, exposing the cotton inside. Ren Susu felt a pang in her heart, remembering when she was their age, also wearing hand-me-downs. The eldest, Jin Xiang, wore them first, then when they were too small, Yin Xiang wore them, and finally, they were passed to her. After years of use, the cotton inside the jackets had become lumpy. After dance practice, she would be covered in sweat, and in such weather, when the wind blew, the cold penetrated her very heart.
The youngest child, named Dong Wen, said while eating, “Mom, school is collecting exam fees.” Her aunt said, “Why do they need money again? Where would I get more money?” She cursed, “Even this damned school bullies us, widows and orphans!” Ren Susu put down her chopsticks, took out her handbag, removed a stack of money, and handed it to her aunt, saying, “The New Year is coming. Aunt, take this to make new clothes for the children.” Her aunt smiled so widely that her eyebrows nearly flew up, saying, “How can I take your money again?” Yet she reached out and took it, then asked, “I heard you’ve become famous recently with your dancing. Have you received a raise?”
Ren Susu said, “The troupe added a bit for performances.” Her aunt put food on her plate and said, “Being famous is good. Once you’re a star, you’ll meet more people and marry into a good family. You’re twenty-one this year. Dancing isn’t something you can do for a lifetime. Girls still need to get married.” Jin Xiang, who hadn’t spoken until now, let out a scornful laugh, “Mom, why are you worrying? A beauty like Susu must have many rich young masters waiting for her.” After a pause, she added, “But be careful not to let anyone discover the illegitimate child scandal!” Before she finished speaking, her aunt had already scolded her, “Jin Xiang! Say another word and I’ll slap you!” Seeing Ren Susu’s face turn pale, she comforted her, “Good child, don’t listen to Jin Xiang’s nonsense. She speaks without thinking.”
This meal was ultimately difficult to swallow. By the time she left her uncle’s house, the night was already deep. Her aunt had called a rickshaw for her, showing unusual attentiveness compared to the past, repeatedly urging, “Come over for meals when you have time.”
The rickshaw traveled through the cold night, even the streetlights seemed cold. Her heart was not sorrowful but filled with waves of irritation. Her fingers were ice-cold, pinching the beads adorning her handbag—one by one, the rhinestones scraped against her fingertips, causing slight pain.
When she reached her home gate, she was surprised to see Lei Shaogong. He was as polite as ever, saying, “Miss Ren, the Third Young Master asked me to pick you up.”
She thought about how the two of them had quarreled last time, though she hadn’t spoken while he had lost his temper dramatically. She had assumed he wouldn’t see her again. After some thought, she got into the car.
The heating at Duanshan was very warm. Inside the house, the glass windows were fogged with condensation, making it impossible to see outside. He was pacing in the living room with his hands behind his back. Seeing her, he frowned and asked, “Where did you go? The dance troupe said you went home at four o’clock.” She hesitated and said, “I went to a friend’s house.” He asked, “What friend? I called Changning, and Mu Lan was with him.”
She lowered her head in silence. He asked, “Why aren’t you speaking?” Her heart felt empty. She unconsciously turned her face away. He said, “About my asking you to quit the dance troupe last time, why won’t you agree?” This was precisely what had caused him to lose his temper and leave angrily last time, yet today he asked her the same question again. After a while, she finally said, “I need to work.” He pressed, “You have everything you need now. Why do you still need to work?”
Everything she needed. She vaguely thought, what does it mean to have everything? She had already lost everything, and even the last shred of self-respect had been trampled by him.
Lei Shaogong happened to walk in, smiling and saying, “Third Young Master, shall I light the candles?” He opened a paper box on the tea table, revealing a cake. She was surprised, unexpectedly confused, and just stared at him. He said to Lei Shaogong, “You go out first.” Lei Shaogong had to put down the lighter, glance at her, and walk out, closing the door.
She stood there motionless, but he picked up the cake box and smashed it to the ground. The cherries adorning the cake fell onto the carpet, bright red like broken strands of coral beads. She stepped back and said softly, “I didn’t know you knew today was my birthday.” He laughed coldly, “It seems in your heart, I don’t need to know your birthday at all.” Her voice grew softer and softer, “You don’t need to know.” He asked, “What do you mean by that?” She didn’t answer, and this silence angered him. “What do you mean? Haven’t I been good enough to you?”
Good? His standard of “good” was merely treating her like a caged canary—giving money, sending jewelry, and allowing her to charge at foreign stores. He was buying, and she was selling without dignity. What was “good” about that? A sad smile appeared at the corners of her lips. How was this different from selling her smiles at the door? If she hadn’t accidentally given birth to his child, she probably wouldn’t even qualify to sell her smiles to him. He did indeed look at her differently, but was this difference something she should be grateful for?
Seeing the expression in her eyes, he inexplicably became irritated and coldly said, “What more do you want?”
What more did she want? With a disheartened, weary lowering of her head, she said, “I don’t want anything.” He said, “You don’t want anything—stop being angry with me.” She said, “I’m not angry with you.” He grabbed her wrist. “You’re being insincere. What do you want? What haven’t I done to satisfy you?”
She said softly, “I’m satisfied with everything.” But her voice was weak and distant. His grip tightened. “Don’t give me this attitude. If you have something to say, say it directly.” Her gaze fell far beyond him to the window, where condensation had formed and was running down the glass. Her life was already completely ruined. There was no difference between tomorrow and today, no matter how well he treated her. Yet he wouldn’t let her go and kept pressing, “What more do you want?”
Her lips still held that faint, mournful smile. “What right do I have to demand anything?” This statement finally angered him. “I’ll give you whatever you want—a house, a car, money, I’ll give you all of it.”
She gently shook her head. He stared directly into her eyes with intensity. “Look at me. Anything you want, just say the word, and I’ll give it to you immediately.” If only she wouldn’t smile like that, wouldn’t look at him like that. That smile was as hazy as a nightmare, causing that hidden pain to rise in his heart again.
She felt suffocated by his pressure. His gaze was like a sharp sword, piercing into her body. She steeled herself and closed her eyes. Her voice was tiny, barely audible. “Then, I want to get married.” A lump in her throat almost choked her. Since he was pressing her so hard, she just wanted him to leave her—but he wouldn’t. She had to say this. This demand would surely make him step back.
Indeed, he released her hand and stepped back. His expression was terrible. He said, “You want me to marry you?”
She was almost terrified, but from somewhere came courage, and she still nodded gently. How would he respond? Would he curse her for being delusional, immediately give her money to send her away, or fly into a rage again? Whatever the case, she had asked for it.
His face turned ashen, and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. But she knew he was angry because his entire body was tense. She finally began to feel afraid because the look in his eyes seemed like heartbreak—she couldn’t be sure, but his appearance frightened her, and her mind was in chaos. Quick pain is better than prolonged suffering. She had already said the most terrifying words; a little more wouldn’t hurt. She said, “This is all I want. If you can’t give it to me, then there’s nothing more to say between us.”
His breathing gradually grew heavy, and he finally exploded, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her away forcefully. “Get out!” She staggered several steps, her knee hitting the sofa, the pain almost bringing tears to her eyes. She grabbed her handbag, turned, and left, hearing him call for the attendant from inside the room.