That day in the study, Dad Cheng told me that Cheng Xia was sick.

Before his mother was stabbed to death by that laid-off female worker, she was still sending him WeChat messages: “Son, are you cold? I’m mailing you a down jacket [smiling face]”

At that time, Cheng Xia was very busy at the design institute—busy with work, busy with socializing, busy with everything young people do. He was always perfunctory in responding to his mother’s nagging: “Not cold.”

When he returned home, what he saw was his mother’s corpse.

Death had taken away her gentle beauty. Her eyes were wide open, her cheeks sunken, as if asking why, and as if saying, “I’m in so much pain.”

Cheng Xia collapsed to the ground right there and couldn’t get up.

She loved beauty most, was a bit nagging, but was the kindest. She always teared up watching TV dramas. When his friends came to the house, she always prepared a whole table of good food. For those whose family circumstances were poor, she would secretly prepare red envelopes.

Such a person. The person he loved most in this world, who also loved him most.

Was dead.

Cheng Xia frantically inquired everywhere about the murderer Zhao Lijuan—who exactly was she, why did she kill.

“He said he hated Zhao Lijuan. I hated her too. But what use was hating her? She was already dead.” Dad Cheng said.

But after the funeral, Cheng Xia said he wanted to get back that buyout money for the murderer.

After Zhao Lijuan was laid off, she relied on odd jobs and street sanitation work. She had no awareness of paying into social security. She only knew that when others had retirement pensions, she didn’t.

That’s why she raised a knife toward Mom Cheng.

Everyone said she was crazy.

But after investigating, Cheng Xia learned this wasn’t just her idea alone.

Back then, the laid-off service staff from Jinbo Grand Hotel had not received their buyout money. They unanimously believed that it was Mom Cheng who embezzled this money.

After her death, many people deliberately set off firecrackers to celebrate, saying Zhao Lijuan had rid the people of a scourge.

“He wanted to help that murderer get back the money she deserved. Of course I didn’t agree, but I didn’t stop him either.” Dad Cheng said.

Cheng Xia didn’t want his mother to bear such a stigma. He wanted everyone to know that Zhao Lijuan was a murderer, and his mother was a good person who had been kind her entire life.

Cheng Xia exhausted every method he could think of to investigate the truth from back then, to demand this money.

But too much time had passed. Many records were already lost. Moreover, those parties from back then had long since accepted their fate. In the end, he didn’t succeed.

This was the first time he wanted so badly to accomplish something, but he failed.

People like me had long understood that the world doesn’t work like stories where good is rewarded and evil punished. More often, you work desperately, desperately hard, and the cruelty of the world still comes crushing down.

But for Cheng Xia, his parents had always been building him a world where everything went smoothly. When his parents’ hands withdrew, everything he knew was collapsing too.

“After that, he became like a different person. He didn’t like talking or laughing anymore. That goofy, smiling brat went away with his mother.” Dad Cheng said.

“He grew up.” I said.

“Not grown up. Sick.”

Dad Cheng said, “He couldn’t muster interest in anything. He used to love architecture so much, but now he doesn’t care. Always saying he’s nothing…”

After our reunion, I just thought Cheng Xia had become much more mature. Even when he told me about his mother’s situation, I only felt he was very sad.

But I completely didn’t imagine things would be serious to this degree.

“Until you came back.” Dad Cheng said, “He finally perked up. He told me that only when staying with you does he feel alive. So this time he definitely wanted me to tell you that the class difference between you two actually isn’t a problem.”

My heart shook heavily.

“Indeed it’s not a problem. I can tell you right now, as a father, I’m very happy to see you and Cheng Xia together.” He said, “But I think this is unfair to you. He doesn’t like you. He’s just… sick.”

Dad Cheng taught himself psychology for his son’s sake.

He said, “Some people who experience major setbacks develop extreme self-doubt. They develop a strong dependence on powerful people around them, because to them the entire world is unreal. They urgently need to find a ‘backer’ to escape reality. For this, they’ll pay any price.”

Dad Cheng sighed.

This person who was once so imposing and serious was now just a weary, worried father. He said, “You’ve suffered so much. You should find a good boy and happily have a romance.”

At this moment, at Shanghai Poly Grand Theatre, Cheng Xia still stood there reaching his hand toward me, and I still looked at him.

The person I fell for at sixteen. Half my life had been spent chasing after him.

But perhaps he wasn’t as perfect as I imagined, just like the far side of the moon also has countless mottled shadows.

Just then, cheerful music sounded. The New Year’s concert had let out.

Countless people poured out from the main entrance. They excitedly discussed upcoming late-night snacks, walking briskly. In a blink they’d be right in front of us.

I didn’t take that outstretched hand.

Instead, I rushed over and hugged him tightly.

Cheng Xia seemed to be trembling. The next second, he hugged me back.

The noisy crowd passed by us. They probably wondered, why are these two people hugging in the middle of the path? But fuck it all!

Yes, the gap between us, the uncertain future, weakness and meanness, global warming and the end of the world—fuck it all!

Life was too short. At this moment, I just wanted to hold him tight.

When Grandma came home, she brought some blood sausage and pork ribs, along with a large bag of pickled cabbage, telling me to pack it well to take back.

“These pigs raised in our Northeast—the south doesn’t have this breed.”

“Taobao has every breed.”

I packed things up. The New Year holiday was just these few days—we should head back.

My dad asked, “I’ve never been to the south. When will you take Dad there?”

My stepmother wasn’t around, so I didn’t need to save his face. I said directly, “It’s inconvenient with your whole family in tow. Besides, people should stay with their sons. How embarrassing would it be for you to run to my place!”

My dad wanted to hit me but awkwardly lowered his hand. “Why are you so mouthy? No one will want you in the future!”

At this point, as if remembering something, his eyes lit up again. “Oh right, when we went to the countryside, your sixth aunt was asking about you! Her third son—do you remember him? He got a job at a foreign trade company, making tens of thousands a month!”

Before I could speak, my grandma snorted coldly. “What’s the use of her asking? That son of hers couldn’t kick out a fart. I wouldn’t give him a second glance. My granddaughter needs to find someone with a handsome face, attentive and caring.”

My dad scoffed, “Old lady, only you treat her like a treasure. She’s made some money these past two years, but dating isn’t about money. Black and skinny like a monkey, bad temper—if you ask me, she should burn incense if anyone wants her.”

Just then the doorbell rang. I went to answer it. It was Cheng Xia.

“Why did you come?”

“I’m taking the train back with you.” He said, “My dad’s driver is waiting downstairs.”

He wore a deep camel-colored coat, fresh and refined. He turned his head to greet my dad. “Hello, Uncle.”

My dad was a bit dazed. “Ah, hello. This is Dongxue’s… classmate!”

My grandma became even more smug. “Childhood friend. His father is at the municipal committee. With this connection, does Dongxue need to worry about not being introduced to good prospects?”

“Not quite childhood friends.” Cheng Xia said with a smile, “I’m Dongxue’s… boyfriend.”

He added, “Also Grandma, my dad is at the provincial committee now.”

I worked extremely hard to ignore my dad and grandma’s slack-jawed expressions, pretending it wasn’t my first day having a boyfriend. I said impatiently, “Let’s go quickly, or we’ll miss the train.”

It would be even better if my face wasn’t completely red.

Dad Cheng was on a business trip. His driver took us to the train station.

Cheng Xia somehow miraculously bought sleeper berth tickets in the same car as us. While we waited in the waiting room, no one spoke to anyone. Grandma had a belly full of questions she wanted to ask me, but couldn’t ask them in front of Cheng Xia. She could only sadly and angrily bite into a large pear, as if it were my bone.

In this awkward silence, I received a phone call.

When I ran out, I saw my mom.

She wore a large cotton coat, sitting on an electric scooter. Her face was covered in bruises—the injuries hadn’t healed yet.

I asked, “Why did you come out?”

“I heard from your dad you’re leaving today. I came to see you off and give you this.”

She pulled out a card from her pocket and handed it to me. I didn’t take it. “What are you doing?”

“There’s thirty-seven thousand in the card. It’s the dowry I’ve saved for you over these years.” She raised her head with some pride. “I know that useless waste of a father of yours couldn’t possibly prepare anything for you. Save up more yourself, otherwise you’ll be looked down on at your in-laws’.”

The wind was too fierce, making my eyes hurt. I almost shouted, “I don’t want it! I have more money than you!”

She pressed down hard on me so I couldn’t struggle. “Don’t make me angry. Otherwise this beating was for nothing. Zhao Laoshan thought I was secretly saving money for a lover. He went crazy looking for this money!”

I said, “What if he finds out and beats you again?”

“He doesn’t dare anymore.” My mom suddenly smiled. “I have a daughter! What does he have?”

“I’m going!”

Before I could react, she rode off on the electric scooter, then stopped not far away and looked back at me.

Her face was frozen red in the wind and snow, but her eyes were exceptionally bright. She said, “I’m joking with you. Don’t come back to this godforsaken place anymore!”

“Stride forward! Go!”