Between the drunkenness and staying up all night, I fell asleep as soon as we got back.

The hotel bed was extremely large and soft, with a sophisticated pine scent. I had never slept so soundly and thoroughly before.

Occasionally I could sense him getting up, moving around quietly doing something, then feeling the thin and slightly cool daylight hitting my eyelids before the curtains were drawn shut.

I turned over and sank back into deep sleep.

When I truly woke up, the entire room was pitch black. In my confusion, I forgot where I was and bolted upright.

“You’re awake?” came a voice from beside me. It was Cheng Xia. He rubbed his eyes while getting up to turn on the bedside lamp.

The warm yellow light made his features appear exceptionally soft and pale.

As consciousness returned, two things vividly flooded into my mind:

First, I was on vacation.

Second, Cheng Xia was now my boyfriend!

I sat there in a daze, feeling like I was about to be drowned by an enormous sense of happiness.

Cheng Xia got up to wash his face, then poured me a glass of water. “You must be thirsty. I saw you sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you.”

I really was thirsty. Cool, sweet water rushed into my throat, moistening my internal organs. I drained a large glass from his hands.

Cheng Xia watched me with a smile, poured me another glass, then went to draw the curtains.

Outside the window stretched endless fiery clouds. Warm-toned light suddenly flooded the pitch-black room—so beautiful it was breathtaking.

“So pretty,” I said hoarsely.

Cheng Xia turned to look at me. His eyes were gentle and bright, reflecting the sunset’s stunning radiance.

He returned to my side, moved the water glass away from my hand, then lowered his head and began kissing me.

It was a beautiful kiss, a kiss that belonged to Cheng Xia—gentle, lingering, like a freshly peeled green tangerine.

I leaned backward. Behind me were extremely soft pillows and the bed, allowing me to fall endlessly into deeper depths.

But he supported me, then moved up, intertwining his fingers with mine.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

I jolted awake from the romantic dream and pushed him away, panicking like I’d been caught in adultery.

Cheng Xia smiled helplessly, soothingly kissed my forehead, then got up to answer the door.

It was Yan Lei. He said, “We’re having a group dinner at the Jiaoxia Hall tonight. Want to go together?”

“You go ahead, I still need to get ready,” Cheng Xia said.

“Get ready for what? You look perfectly fine right now…” Yan Lei saw me and his voice came to an abrupt halt.

This was so damn awkward!!

I could only greet him with feigned composure. For some reason, Yan Lei’s face suddenly flushed red. He said, “I’ll head over first.”

Then he fled like he was escaping.

What the hell…

“What’s wrong with him?” I frantically checked my clothes—a loose black sweater, nothing wrong with it at all.

“Probably because he’s never been in a relationship,” Cheng Xia shrugged and said to me, “Come on, let’s go eat.”

Dinner was at a buffet restaurant.

It wasn’t exactly a top-tier place, but the decor was beautiful—that kind of minimalist Japanese style, with very fresh seafood and exquisitely made Western pastries.

Yu Gong was there too, with his wife. Many people crowded around their table to exchange pleasantries, making it exceptionally packed and lively.

By all rights, I should go say hello too. In fact, I should actively get to know everyone—who knows who might become a useful connection in the future.

But Cheng Xia was beside me.

He sat quietly in his seat. When someone came to greet him, he would politely stand up for brief pleasantries. When no one came, he continued eating, discussing our upcoming plans with me—there was a beach one kilometer away with beautiful scenery we could walk to, and the hotel had hot springs we could soak in…

So! You came to this team building just to eat?!

You’re not going to toast the leaders? You’re not going to network?!

But since he didn’t move, I felt too embarrassed to move either. I didn’t even dare take much of the delicious food! This was a buffet! I didn’t even eat back one-tenth of the cost!

I could only watch longingly as Cheng Xia methodically cut a cheese-baked prawn and passed half to me.

Up front, Yan Lei had already grabbed the microphone and was singing “Glorious Years” with Yu Gong.

At this moment, several guys came over to toast. One of them said, “Hello, Senior. Hello, Senior’s wife.”

Cheng Xia stood up and introduced me: “This is my junior from S University, also at our institute.”

“Ha, we can’t compare to you, Senior.” After exchanging pleasantries for a bit, they said, “Senior, you’re being promoted to lead designer this year. If your team needs people, please consider us. We really want to work under you, Senior.”

Cheng Xia neither agreed nor disagreed, just drank the toast they offered and said, “Actually, the overall environment isn’t good. Everyone’s in the same boat.”

A very lively one said to me, “Senior’s wife, Cheng Senior was S University’s campus heartthrob back in the day, really famous for a while. How did you win him over?”

How was I supposed to answer that? By saying I persistently pursued him?

Cheng Xia’s junior immediately picked up: “You don’t get it. They’re a campus couple. When Senior’s wife and Senior hosted the anniversary celebration, I was just starting school. Talk about a perfect match.”

Both Cheng Xia and I froze for a moment. I realized he was talking about Cheng Xia’s girlfriend from when he was in graduate school.

She was lovely and outstanding, probably really did host the anniversary celebration.

I just hadn’t expected—why would he mistake me for her? Did he think we looked alike?

I was just about to speak when suddenly there came a huge commotion from the front, followed by a cacophony of voices.

I turned back to look. Yu Gong was clutching his chest and had collapsed on the ground. Everyone around him panicked.

Cheng Xia ran forward at extremely high speed, performed first aid on Yu Gong, then called 120.

Everything that followed was like an absurdist play on fast-forward.

The ambulance came and took Yu Gong away. There wasn’t much room in the ambulance, so Cheng Xia drove several people following behind.

Before leaving, he only had time to say to me: “Go back to the hotel first.”

I only had time to respond with a sound of acknowledgment.

But…

His jacket was still with me, and his phone was in the jacket.

I originally wanted to take a taxi to bring it to him.

But I was afraid that without his phone, we wouldn’t be able to find each other, so I could only return to the hotel to wait for news.

I asked around about what chronic conditions Yu Gong had, looked into whether it was serious. Strangely, Yu Shixuan hadn’t come today.

But I couldn’t find out anything. After waiting a while, I could only watch a movie in the hotel room. Finding that boring, I took an online class on his laptop.

But my eyes kept drifting to Cheng Xia’s jacket.

I couldn’t really say I was someone with poor self-control.

But, but—some thoughts sprouted in my mind like will-o’-the-wisps and could never disappear again.

Just take a look. Look at his phone. All these years he didn’t love you—did he love someone else?

Or, take a look and see whether the unattainable idol you perceived was truly pure and flawless.

Later, when I reflected on myself about why that night I was possessed by the desire to look at his phone.

It was nothing more than this: everyone said he didn’t love me, that he was just yielding to warmth and comfort.

Yet sometimes, I could clearly and distinctly feel love—the little things he did for me, his passion when he kissed me.

I wanted some proof, proof that he loved me.

Even that junior’s offhand remark about me resembling his girlfriend from his student days.

That too made me harbor dark and laughable thoughts: Could it be that because he couldn’t be with me, he found a girl who looked like me?

Could there be a possibility that he had always loved me? Could there?

So I sat on the toilet, locked the bathroom door tight.

Then with trembling hands opened that phone.

I knew all of Cheng Xia’s passwords.

He really was an almost perfect white moonlight.

He posted my photo on his Moments, didn’t block anyone, and patiently replied to everyone who inquired: This is my girlfriend.

On WeChat, there were no ambiguous chat records with any girls, not even anything vague or unclear. If the other party showed even the slightest hint of flirtatious teasing, he would promptly end the conversation, including with Yu Shixuan.

He had sent her a very long message:

“Shixuan, first of all, thank you for your concern, but we are just colleagues. You coming to take care of me really makes me feel extremely awkward and uncomfortable. Please don’t come over anymore in the future.”

Yu Shixuan sent a string of ellipses.

Then said: “…You’re really so narcissistic. I just came to check on you on behalf of my dad.”

Cheng Xia didn’t reply again.

He didn’t even have porn on his phone… though I had several videos stored on mine.

I feigned nonchalance as I scrolled through all this miscellaneous stuff, not knowing who I was performing for. Maybe subconsciously, I still hoped he would suddenly return and put an end to this behavior of mine that was uncontrollable, despicable, and shameful.

But he didn’t.

I finally opened that girl’s WeChat.

They had probably broken up a long time ago. The chat history was blank.

But I could see that girl’s Moments.

Back then you couldn’t set Moments to show only the last three days, and she openly hadn’t deleted anything.

I saw them going to concerts together, traveling abroad for New Year’s, exchanging a book to read each week and writing dense book reviews. There were also chat records she posted—they passionately discussed various social issues, interestingly calling each other “debate partner.”

I even found a letter he had written to her on Cheng Xia’s computer through some clues:

“Baby, this is our first holiday together. I want to commemorate it in this traditional way.”

So that’s how it was. This is what Cheng Xia looks like when deeply in love.

Flustered, passionate, jealous.

Not the way he appeared in my eyes—gentle, meticulous, watertight.

Between the thrill of voyeurism and enormous shame, I felt my face burning hot. I jumped into the hot spring fully clothed.

Why did I think he didn’t love her?

She was his first love, the girl he chose right in front of me, so outstanding she sparkled, the kind of girl you couldn’t even muster feelings of jealousy toward.

How could I be so ridiculous as to think such a girl would be my… substitute?

And how could I be so ridiculous as to think he loved me?

Even though it was pitch black night and I was alone, I still wanted to turn myself into an ostrich from the mortification and shame.

Just then, the door opened. Cheng Xia had returned.

“I forgot my phone. Did you bring it back for me?”

“Yeah, it’s charging on the nightstand.”

He breathed a sigh of relief, opened the window and walked to my side, saying, “Yu Gong was resuscitated. It was very dangerous.”

“What exactly happened?”

“Don’t know, seems to have something to do with Yu Shixuan.” He said, “After he was out of danger, I rushed back immediately… Why aren’t you wearing a swimsuit? You’ll catch a cold.”

This was another one of Cheng Xia’s characteristics—he almost never gossiped.

He casually grabbed a bathrobe, preparing to drape it over me, while saying, “You finally get a vacation, you should really enjoy it. I prepared sparklers. We can go to the beach later to set them off, then tomorrow we’ll go skiing. In the evening I know a really good restaurant I want to go to with you…”

I said, “So when are we going to go to bed?”

His words came to an abrupt halt. He stared at me in shock.

I wore my soaking wet clothes, looked up and gazed into his eyes, and said, “Do you want to sleep with me, Cheng Xia?”

This was perhaps the only thing they hadn’t done together.

How pathetic. I wanted to win against her.

The bathrobe slipped to the ground. Cheng Xia’s eyes were like a dense, impenetrable whirlpool. He looked at me, took a deep breath, and said, “May I?”

I thought of his cherishing of that girl, how he never said even a slightly suggestive word to her, yet with me, there always seemed to be desire mixed in.

Was it because he was an adult with desires, and I was someone easily obtained, someone who didn’t need to be cherished?

I suddenly felt incredibly disgusted, like witnessing the Buddha I worshipped defiling himself.

I dodged Cheng Xia’s reaching hand and said, “I want to go home.”