The air at dawn always carried an indescribable crispness. I stood beneath the streetlight, agitatedly smoking three cigarettes in succession.

On the fourth cigarette, I saw Cheng Xia’s car.

In countless stories, he had always appeared in my field of vision like this, bringing intense joy, desire, and destruction.

Now he still did the same, wearing only an ash-gray coat, cool and upright, walking toward me and asking, “What happened?”

I said, “At tomorrow’s meeting, only you and your team have architectural backgrounds, right?”

“What’s wrong?”

I took a deep breath and said, “The local compression calculation under high axial load columns is wrong. It doesn’t meet standards. The entire model needs to be redone, but we don’t have enough time…”

He froze slightly. “How could you make such a basic mistake?”

“Actually, the client mainly looks at the concept. This problem can definitely be solved later. For now, please don’t bring it up…”

“But if the design can’t be implemented on the ground, even the best ideas are just waste paper. You do engineering work; you can’t possibly not understand this.”

I said in a low voice, “I’m begging you this once.”

He didn’t speak. Cold wind whirled and lifted dead leaves with a rustling sound.

“In what capacity are you begging me? As an ex-girlfriend, or as an ordinary friend?”

His voice could be described as gentle. Then slowly, he moved closer to me, gazing into my eyes and asking, “Dongxue, what can you give me?”

The distance was too close.

I only felt something deep within my body roaring thunderously. All my senses became exceptionally clear. I could even see deep into his pupils, where there was a helpless version of me.

“What do you want?”

“Do you really not know what I want?” His voice became even lower and softer. Between breaths was the scent of citrus. “Why did I come back, why did I have Yu Shixuan participate in this project—”

I looked at him in shock, feeling my entire body begin to tremble. “What do you mean?”

After our reunion, we hadn’t had much contact.

He seemed completely healed, his whole person gentle and bright, with added composure and rigor that came from years of precipitation.

I thought we could continue to get along like this, like old friends, treating everything from the past as a big dream.

But what exactly did he mean?

“We ended long ago, Cheng Xia,” I said. “Things that are broken can’t be reconnected. You have your life, and I have mine.”

He didn’t say anything more, just smiled and said, “Let’s go, let’s get breakfast.”

He turned to open the car door. I didn’t move.

He smiled and said, “Then should I be the first to ask about the local compression issue?”

“That’s a separate matter!”

I jumped into the car in two or three steps.

Cheng Xia neither said he would help me nor said he wouldn’t. During breakfast, he deftly deflected my every attempt to press him, asking if I wanted to eat something else, and if not, we’d leave.

I ate steamed buns, ate tofu pudding, ate fried dough sticks, ate fried pastries, ate plain noodles…

In the end, I discovered that he had become too cunning now. Nothing could be extracted from this old fox’s mouth. I could only clutch my stomach and run off in exasperation.

All the way back, I struggled with how to phrase things, how to tell Yu Shixuan more gently so she wouldn’t panic completely and could calmly get through today’s meeting.

Unexpectedly, when I got home, she was already awake, eating breakfast drowsily while telling me, “Principal Wu said they have something going on over there. The meeting has been postponed to Wednesday.”

I was stunned for a moment, then threw down my bag and pounced on her bewildered face. “Do you know what a basic mistake you made?! I’m going to beat you to death!”

“Don’t touch me, your hands are cold! Cold enough to kill someone!”

In any case, we got several more days. Yu Shixuan was able to properly revise the draft.

While calmly recalculating the data, she lectured me, “Why are you panicking? They don’t understand construction, and Cheng Xia won’t make things difficult for us.”

“How do you know he won’t?”

“Doesn’t he still like you?”

I jumped up like a cat whose tail had been stepped on and said, “Don’t talk nonsense!”

“What’s wrong with that? Old lovers are meant to be used,” she said.

“What kind of twisted values are those!”

“You don’t think using men is particularly weak and shameless, do you?” She laughed, still staring at the computer screen. “When men use any means necessary, they’re called heroes. When women use beauty and emotions, they’re called cheap? Bullshit. Those are all lies men tell. If you ask me, use whatever you have.”

I felt irritated and didn’t want to hear her nonsense. “Anyway, Cheng Xia and I have nothing to do with each other anymore. You focus on your work properly. If you make this kind of basic mistake again, I really will beat you.”

Yu Shixuan rolled her eyes and continued working.

During this period, because I frequently requested leave and my relationship with the assistant had become very strained, Mr. Wang was already very dissatisfied with me, often hinting and jabbing at me with his words.

“Manager Ren is quite a character, huh? Treating the company like a hotel—come when you want, leave when you want.”

“This is my small broken business, but it just can’t accommodate people with divided loyalties. If you can work, work. If you can’t, get lost.”

Honestly, the resentment in my heart was as heavy as a ghost dead for ten years.

The company wasn’t his family relative—it was his kept mistress. How many people actually did work? Didn’t he know in his heart?

I requested leave, yes, but which time didn’t I have my pay docked while still burning the midnight oil to finish the work for him?

But of course I didn’t dare say it out loud. I still depended on him for my livelihood.

On the day Yu Shixuan officially presented, I went to request leave. HR seemed troubled and told me to speak directly with the boss.

When I entered the office, the entire room was filled with smoke. Mr. Wang was playing cards.

“Mr. Wang, I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”

Mr. Wang was playing cards, his face covered with several paper strips. The assistant was laughing heartily. The others all had their heads down. No one acknowledged me. No one even glanced at me.

I stood there awkwardly, watching them enthusiastically play cards, laugh, chat, as if I didn’t exist at all.

A full two hours passed. My legs went numb from standing. Hunger made my stomach cramp and ache.

Only then did Mr. Wang throw down his cards and say, “Not playing anymore! No fun!”

“You’ve won all our money and you still complain it’s no fun!” The assistant giggled, her eyes intentionally or unintentionally sweeping over me.

I repeated myself, “Mr. Wang, tomorrow my family…”

“Then you don’t need to come in.” He interrupted me very rudely. “My temple is small. It can’t accommodate a great Buddha like you!”

As soon as these words came out, the entire office fell silent. Everyone kept their heads down, just stealing glances at the two of us.

“Hmm? Is that okay? Go busy yourself with your business!” he said again, tilting his head to look at me.

Everyone in this room was my subordinate. I knew he was asserting his authority. I had to be humble enough to get through this.

I took a deep breath and said, “I’m very sorry, Mr. Wang. I’ve truly had too many things going on recently. I sincerely apologize to you and all my colleagues.”

The assistant burst out laughing, then pretended to panic and covered her mouth.

“No need for apologies! I can’t accept them!” Mr. Wang laughed sarcastically. “You all don’t know who Manager Ren is, do you? She used to be Mr. Feng’s person at S Construction!”

“Holy shit, no way? Old Feng really isn’t picky!”

Amid the roaring laughter, I clenched my fists, then slowly, slowly released them.

I smiled at them and said, “Mr. Wang, I’m very sorry, but I must take tomorrow off. Since you’ve said that, then I resign.”

Mr. Wang probably didn’t expect me to say this. His smile froze on his face.

I turned and walked away. Behind me came the sound of something being thrown.

The next day, Yu Shixuan and I went to North-South University.

Before entering the conference room, we went to the restroom. I adjusted her bangs for her. No matter how proud and ambitious a girl was, at this moment she showed some nervousness.

“Dongxue, do you think I can do it?”

Before I could answer, my phone buzzed. It was Mr. Wang.

He rarely called me. It must be something urgent.

Yu Shixuan pressed her lips together, looking at me uneasily. I smiled at her reassuringly while turning off my phone.

“We definitely can.”

“The design of the carp leaping over the dragon gate—the library, as the center of the architectural clusters on the east and west sides, is a gate.”

“My personal understanding of this gate is, first, a gate of time and space. Freshmen enter through this gate when first entering campus. Seniors bid farewell to their alma mater and also leave through this gate. The changes inside and outside the gate are unforgettable.”

“From another perspective, it also reflects the transformation of North-South University and even the entire city—from a vocational college training industrial talents to gradually becoming a modern comprehensive university. This is a profound and long history.”

“Therefore, the library’s design uses architectural language to interpret this historical foundation. Using the central axis for division, both sides at seventy-five degrees, two different facade textures of solid and void, allowing the building to present two different light and shadows…”

Yu Shixuan spoke eloquently at the front. The bright and dark light and shadow fell on her pale face like a winding long road.

Cheng Xia sat across from me. We occasionally made eye contact, then hurriedly looked away.

Only at this moment did I suddenly realize why his design of the carp leaping over the dragon gate included those long, narrow linear buildings as the “carp.”

I had once told him that I was like a carp dragging long chains, trying to leap over the dragon gate.

At the time, I thought the hardest thing was swimming upstream, swimming toward that highest point.

But later I realized that the hardest part was swimming halfway, with nothing but vast emptiness before and behind.

Even if Grandma hadn’t gotten sick, even if I had continued working desperately to death at S Construction, I would have only been another Old Feng.

And at Mr. Wang’s place, with no upward mobility, I was nothing more than a dog anyone could kick.

If I actually started my own business, I lacked the courage to make that grand gamble.

Heaven and earth were vast, yet I alone was trapped in prison.