Lin Zhexia felt like she floated back to her dormitory.

She changed out of her dress, borrowed makeup remover from Lan Xiaoxue, and slowly removed her foundation in front of the mirror in the washroom.

With cotton pad in hand, she moved it down along her nose bridge, but when it was about to reach her lips, her hand paused, and her ears began to redden again.

…

Stop thinking about it.

It was just… a kiss, after all.

By the time she finished washing her face and came out, the dormitory lights were already off.

The darkness conveniently concealed all her emotions. When Lan Xiaoxue asked her, “How was your date today?” before sleeping, she replied with feigned composure: “It was fine.”

Lan Xiaoxue asked with curiosity: “Did your brother kiss you?”

“…” Lin Zhexia continued to pretend to be calm, “He did, but I didn’t feel much.”

Lan Xiaoxue: “Well done, you’ve grown up.”

However, the person who claimed to have “not felt much” couldn’t fall asleep for a long time after getting into bed.

She pulled her blanket up, covering her nose.

After tossing and turning, she opened her phone.

The phone had charged to half battery in the mall. She clicked on the cat avatar and tapped on Chi Yao’s profile picture.

Chi Yao replied quickly.

Boyfriend: Still not sleeping?

Lin Zhexia didn’t want to admit she couldn’t sleep, so she found an excuse: I’m a bit uncomfortable sleeping in a new place.

But her boyfriend specifically called her out: Your discomfort came quite suddenly.

Lin Zhexia: What’s sudden about it?

Boyfriend: Just earlier, you were falling asleep mid-conversation like a pig

Lin Zhexia: …

How can this person be like this?

Couldn’t he save her some face?

As Lin Zhexia chatted with him, she started to feel sleepy. Before going to sleep, she sent one last message: This is my first time kissing a boy, so it’s normal to be a bit nervous at night, and anyway, it’s your first time too.

But just before she was about to drift off—

She saw that Chi Yao had sent back:

I’m not having my first time—

“Did you not sleep all night?” The next day, Lan Xiaoxue noticed Lin Zhexia’s poor mental state, “You look exhausted.”

Lin Zhexia answered glumly while brushing her teeth: “I was thinking about something and couldn’t sleep last night.”

In her mind, Chi Yao’s line kept replaying.

He said he wasn’t having his first time.

They were both in their first relationships, but he wasn’t having his first kiss with a girl.

So, who had he kissed before? When did it happen?

Was it when he was in Beijing?

…

Lan Xiaoxue was perceptive: “This shouldn’t happen during the honeymoon period. At your stage, you should just be sweet and happy. How do you already have troubles?”

Lin Zhexia didn’t deny it.

Lan Xiaoxue: “What’s wrong? Tell me, maybe you’re overthinking.”

“I’m not overthinking.”

Chi Yao sent the message himself.

She had read that line several times; there was no mistake.

Lan Xiaoxue thought it was just some common small issue between couples and advised: “Come on, dating is like this. You’ll encounter many problems. Before, you were inseparable friends who told each other everything; now you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, so there will be some conflicts. You’re just not used to this new identity yet.”

“But…”

Lin Zhexia started with “but” several times, and finally said: “But I think he’s a scumbag.”

Lan Xiaoxue: “?!”

By coincidence, Chi Yao’s major had something going on that day.

So the two didn’t have a chance to meet from morning until noon.

Lin Zhexia had pretended to fall asleep during their chat last night and hadn’t directly replied to his message. All morning, she was distracted.

“Stop thinking about it. Let’s go to the food street for lunch. Men aren’t worth pondering over,” after class at noon, Lan Xiaoxue pulled her and their other roommates toward the food street. “When you see him tonight, just ask him directly.”

Lin Zhexia temporarily set the matter aside and followed them to browse the food street.

The university town’s food street was holding an event, a special “Food Festival,” where various merchants had come up with all sorts of strategies to attract customers.

Lin Zhexia followed them to buy some food. While moving forward with a cup of coconut juice, she accidentally bumped into someone.

“I’m sorry.”

Lin Zhexia stepped back to check if her coconut juice had spilled on the other person, then looked up—

A girl with long hair, very gentle-looking, wearing a white dress.

She smiled cheerfully. Her features were similar to when she was in high school, only she looked much more mature now. Her ears were pierced, and she wore simple earrings.

Lin Zhexia searched her memory for the name: “Shen… Shanshan?”

Shen Shanshan’s eyes curved into a smile: “Lin Zhexia, what a coincidence.”

“Are you studying here?” Lin Zhexia asked.

“Yes,” Shen Shanshan answered, “I’m at Lian Medical University. What about you?”

“I’m at Lian University.”

After answering, Lin Zhexia thought she might want to know about Chi Yao’s recent situation, so she added, “Chi Yao is also at Lian University.”

Hearing the name of the person she had a crush on in high school, Shen Shanshan paused.

But the name Chi Yao was now far from her.

“Which school he’s at doesn’t matter, I don’t like him anymore,” Shen Shanshan smiled again and said with acceptance, “What makes me happier today is running into you here.”

“…You don’t like him anymore?” Lin Zhexia was surprised.

“Yes, is that strange? Maybe it wasn’t really ‘like’ in the true sense. After I transferred schools, I suddenly realized that I didn’t know him at all. Rather than saying I liked him, it’s more accurate to say I liked the version of him in my imagination.”

But speaking of Chi Yao, Shen Shanshan still felt emotional, although now it was more nostalgic about high school rather than feelings for someone she liked: “But I’m still grateful to him. If it weren’t for him, I probably wouldn’t have studied so desperately in high school.”

Lin Zhexia thought to herself, well, if that’s the case, that dog Chi Yao did do something good after all.

During their conversation, Lan Xiaoxue and the others called for her. Lin Zhexia turned and responded.

Shen Shanshan: “Your friends are waiting for you. You should go. Next time, you can come visit me at Lian Medical University, and I’ll show you around our school.”

Lin Zhexia nodded: “You can also come find me anytime.”

Before Lin Zhexia left, Shen Shanshan suddenly seemed to remember something and called out to her: “Oh—right.”

“Let me gossip a bit—is Chi Yao with the girl he liked in high school?”

She understood each word separately.

But together, they made no sense.

Chi Yao. High school. Liked. Girl.

Lin Zhexia froze: “Huh?”

Shen Shanshan: “When I confessed to him in Haicheng City, he rejected me, but he told me something.”

Nearly two years had passed, and memories had begun to fade.

Shen Shanshan remembered that the sea was very blue that day. Chi Yao’s voice was strained as he stood before her.

And now, quite suddenly, she remembered what came after the words “and I.”

The rushed string of words Chi Yao had said back then, so quickly that one could barely hear, almost thinking it was an illusion: “And I already have someone I like.”

Lin Zhexia said goodbye to Shen Shanshan and walked back to Lan Xiaoxue, still in a dazed state.

She held her coconut water, bumping into several people along the way.

Lan Xiaoxue reached out and waved her hand in front of her face several times: “Hey, what’s wrong with you?”

Lin Zhexia snapped back to reality: “…Nothing, just too many people here, it’s a bit crowded.”

Lan Xiaoxue didn’t think too much of it: “Alright, then hold onto me, don’t get lost.”

…

After browsing the food street, Lin Zhexia returned to the dormitory alone.

There were no afternoon classes for their major.

Back in her room, Lin Zhexia worked on her homework and called Lin He and her other high school friends.

Lin He reminded her: “Take good care of yourself. Even though Chi Yao is at the same school, try not to bother him too much. You’re a college student now; the first thing you need to learn is independence.”

Lin Zhexia’s heart tightened at the mention of “Chi Yao”: “I know.”

She also chatted with Chen Lin and Tang Shuxuan for a while.

The two of them didn’t stay in their home city but went to study in the neighboring city. Coincidentally, they were admitted to the same school and the same major.

So when Lin Zhexia’s call was picked up by Chen Lin, Tang Shuxuan’s voice immediately came through: “Hello, Xiaxia.”

“Hi.”

“I’m so envious of you two,” Lin Zhexia said, mustering her spirits, “actually living in the same dorm room.”

Tang Shuxuan laughed: “Aren’t you and Chi Yao at the same school too?”

Chi Yao again.

Today, she was distressed because of this person, yet it seemed she couldn’t escape this name anywhere she went.

Lin Zhexia blurted out instinctively: “Don’t mention him.”

Tang Shuxuan: “What happened? Did you two fight again?”

Lin Zhexia was ambiguous: “Sort of.”

“Don’t worry, between brothers,” Tang Shuxuan continued, “grudges don’t last overnight.”

“…”

They chatted about their recent situations.

Tang Shuxuan hadn’t gotten into the school where the senior she liked went. Reality always has various obstacles, and that high school crush could only become a memory. Her attitude was similar to Shen Shanshan’s—when they came to the crossroads, they let go of the other person.

Chen Lin was still enthusiastic about surfing and remained clueless about romance.

Lin Zhexia wanted to tell them, “Chi Yao and I are together now,” but the words stuck in her throat, unable to come out.

After hanging up, she stared at her textbook and belatedly realized: apart from being afraid of shocking them, there was another reason she had been subconsciously avoiding.

She had never been able to confirm Chi Yao’s feelings for her.

Chi Yao pursued her, confessed to her, and did many things couples do together—she mostly felt like she had been hit by a pleasant surprise, like a dream come true.

But she was also afraid that it was just a “beautiful dream.”

So yesterday at the restaurant, she had hesitated when replying to He Yang’s message.

She couldn’t help but ask herself: Why would Chi Yao like her?

Before they met again, they had always been each other’s best friends.

But after reuniting, Chi Yao’s attitude toward her changed.

Undeniably, she was happy about this change.

But this happiness couldn’t withstand scrutiny.

Why would Chi Yao like her?

Or perhaps the question should be: did Chi Yao truly like her?

Lin Zhexia flipped through their chat history from last night.

—…You’re having your first time too.

—I’m not having my first time.

Then, Shen Shanshan’s words echoed in her ears again.

—He had someone he liked in high school. He told me himself when he rejected me at the seaside. You didn’t know either? I thought you two were so close, you would know.

Lin Zhexia wanted to ask him, but quickly put down her phone, afraid of bursting this beautiful dream. She sighed and thought: he is a scumbag.

In high school, he acted so unapproachable.

But behind her back, he had someone he liked.

Saying he was also in his first relationship.

But it wasn’t his first time kissing a girl.

…

Lin Zhexia knew she shouldn’t think of him this way, because she and Chi Yao were not just boyfriend and girlfriend, but also friends, brothers, and important companions who had been together for many years.

She shouldn’t think of him like this.

But becoming Chi Yao’s girlfriend turned out to be such a strange thing.

Before, she thought she was the person who understood Chi Yao the best.

Now she began to feel like she was starting to not understand Chi Yao anymore.

She began to let her thoughts run wild—

Lin Zhexia finally forced herself to set these thoughts aside. She finished her homework diligently and then went back to bed for a nap.

In her dream, she returned to her and Chi Yao’s high school days.

But this time, the Chi Yao in her dream had turned into a “scumbag,” surrounded by girls at school.

No longer the unapproachable figure from before, but sitting in Class 1’s classroom, wearing a school uniform, lounging lazily in the back row, dating several girlfriends simultaneously.

“I’m breaking off our friendship,” Lin Zhexia watched as dream-her, with a backpack, angrily told “scumbag” Chi Yao, “I don’t have a friend like you!”

Chi Yao’s attitude was cold: “What’s wrong with me?”

Lin Zhexia struggled for a while before saying: “You… you don’t take relationships seriously.”

“Beep—”

A phone ringtone sounded, interrupting Lin Zhexia’s dream.

She opened her eyes and realized it was already dark outside; she had slept for so long.

It was Chi Yao calling.

She hesitated for a moment before answering.

“Hello.”

The voice on the other end asked: “What are you doing?”

Lin Zhexia honestly said, “I just woke up.”

Chi Yao’s voice was the same as in her dream: “Your boyfriend has been dragged out for drinks. I’ll give you half an hour to come pick me up; otherwise, if I drink too much, I might get picked up by someone else.”

Lin Zhexia got up from bed and asked: “Where are you drinking, at the back street of the school?”

Chi Yao made an affirmative sound on the other end of the phone.

“How much have you drunk?” she reminded him, “Don’t drink too much.”

Chi Yao’s voice became languid and intimate, sounding like he had already drunk quite a bit. He used a “complaining” tone to say: “They’re forcing me to drink.”

“If they force you, you just drink? I’ve never seen you so agreeable before.”

“Ah,” Chi Yao held the phone as the effects of alcohol rose, “…they said the first one to get into a relationship has to drink.”

He added, “With the right reason, I’m quite easy to make.”

Lin Zhexia had been repeatedly pondering before sleep that Chi Yao might not like her, but facing the phone call, she couldn’t help but think that perhaps Chi Yao truly did like her.

…

Unable to process these conflicting and fluctuating emotions, she finally hung up the phone, tidied herself up, and prepared to go pick him up.

The back street was as lively as ever.

Not long after dark, students from several nearby universities swarmed in, occupying spaces everywhere.

At the edge of the central garden, someone with an amp and guitar was performing outdoors.

The young man wore a baseball cap and looked like a student, probably a music enthusiast.

A small circle of people gathered in front of him, some holding up phones to record.

He was playing a slow love song.

Lin Zhexia followed the music, making her way through the crowd, and then spotted Chi Yao’s figure in the corner of an outdoor bar.

She had never seen Chi Yao drunk before.

In the past, they were always under the supervision of teachers and parents, with no opportunity to drink.

Just as she was imagining what Chi Yao would be like after drinking too much, she approached and saw that everyone else at the table had left, leaving only him.

The young man wore a black hoodie. Probably because there were too many gazes directed at him, he had pulled up the large hood attached to the back, with the brim hanging down, covering half his face. Only his half jawline and high nose bridge were visible.

Lin Zhexia walked up to him and asked: “Can you still recognize who I am?”

Chi Yao looked up, saw it was her, and relaxed a bit: “I’m drunk, not suffering from amnesia.”

Lin Zhexia took the initiative to extend her hand: “Let’s go. Today, big brother will take you home.”

Chi Yao was particularly agreeable after drinking: “Oh, thank you, big brother.”

After he stood up, he raised his hand to press his forehead and swayed on his first step.

Lin Zhexia had originally thought he hadn’t drunk much—how else could he still be sitting in the corner, deliberately striking a pose—but after he stood up, she realized he had indeed been forced to drink quite a bit.

“How much did you drink?” she asked.

“Lost count.”

“Does everyone in your dorm have to drink when they get into a relationship?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not a good habit. Don’t drink next time.”

“…”

Lin Zhexia led him to a less crowded place.

Under the streetlights, she realized this was the stretch of road where Chi Yao had first held her hand, and where, under the influence of alcohol, she had asked him why others thought she was his girlfriend.

Returning here, her identity and feelings were now different.

Although Chi Yao was the one who had been drinking today, perhaps this road, where she had once revealed her feelings, gave her a mysterious courage. Walking in front, she said very softly, “Chi Yao, why do you like me?”

“There are so many girls who like you, many of them more outstanding than me.” At this point, Lin Zhexia thought of Shen Shanshan, whom she had met at noon, “Why me?”

As she said this, she noticed Chi Yao’s fingers suddenly tense.

But she didn’t stop, nor did she have the courage to turn back and look at him.

She continued by herself: “Do you really like me, or is it just because we’ve known each other for too long, possibly creating an illusion—”

From behind came two words. Chi Yao’s voice was still cold, tinged with alcohol, asking her in return.

“Ill-usion?”

Lin Zhexia still didn’t turn around. She was afraid that if she looked at him, she wouldn’t be able to say what came next.

Despite not wanting to say it, she endured the possible consequence of the beautiful dream shattering: “Yes, an illusion, mistaking it for the illusion of liking.”

“Your liking me seemed so sudden, and your decision to pursue me was also very sudden.”

“So, you probably haven’t distinguished what kind of feelings you have for me,” Lin Zhexia voiced her speculation, “maybe because we were apart for some time, so you mistook your feeling of not wanting to be separated from me as liking.”

She wanted to say, That’s not what liking is.

The feeling of liking someone is very precious.

Just like how she liked him.

He might have gotten it wrong.

At this point, Lin Zhexia blinked, not knowing why she felt like crying. She paused: “Why… why don’t you reconsider our relationship? I’m not joking with you; I’m serious.”

“Anyway… while people still don’t know we’re together…”

By now, her voice was uncontrollably tinged with a crying tone.

Chi Yao interrupted her.

He called to her coldly: “Lin Zhexia, turn around.”

Lin Zhexia quickly raised her hand to wipe her eyes, then slowly turned around, but still dared not look at him.

Chi Yao raised his hand, his fingertip pinching her chin. He wanted to use force, but ultimately controlled his strength, forcing her to look up at him: “Why would you think this way?”

Lin Zhexia stared into those unfathomable eyes.

Chi Yao’s eye corners tilted slightly upward. When he looked at people, there was usually an unconscious wild and challenging quality, but now they were deeply lowered, making it hard to see clearly.

“Isn’t it normal for me to think this way?”

She sensed that Chi Yao seemed angry and mustered her courage to say, “Because we’ve always been good friends.”

“Because… we’ve known each other for too long, and we’ve been together for too long.”

“Also because,” she struggled to voice the remaining reason, “…you’ve kissed other girls before, and in high school, you liked someone else.”

Chi Yao almost laughed from anger.

His grip tightened slightly as he leaned down, getting closer to her. Their noses nearly touched, their breaths intertwining: “Just because I’m not having my first kiss with a girl, does it mean I’ve kissed someone else?”

“Haven’t you considered that the first person I kissed was also you?”

“And the person I liked in high school was also you.”