That night, Liu Yan and A’Shui did not return. Fang Pingzhai went to sleep early, while Yu Tuan’er sat at the table waiting, continuing to wait until dawn.

When dawn broke, only Liu Yan returned alone, leaning on his crutch and swaying unsteadily. Yu Tuan’er was drowsy with sleep, but when she saw Liu Yan return, her eyes lit up, then immediately filled with anger. “Where did you run off to? Why didn’t you come back all night?”

Liu Yan ignored her, leaning on his crutch as he walked inside. Yu Tuan’er grabbed him with one hand. “Why won’t you speak? Where is Sister A’Shui? Where did you take her?”

“She doesn’t want to come back. How can I control her?” Liu Yan said coldly. “Let go!”

Yu Tuan’er was stunned. Liu Yan’s mood was unusually terrible. “What’s wrong? Are you angry? What are you angry about?”

Liu Yan shouted angrily, “Let go!” He roughly shook Yu Tuan’er off, his body swaying and nearly falling himself. Yu Tuan’er instinctively reached out to support him, but Liu Yan shook her off again and limped back to the medicine room.

There was blood on the ground. She stared blankly at the bloodstains on the floor. He was injured. Did A’Shui hit him? She shook her head vigorously – impossible. A’Shui could never hit Liu Yan. She was such a good person.

Seeing Liu Yan close the door to the medicine room, she instinctively followed, pushing open the door to see what exactly he was doing.

He wasn’t doing anything, just sitting in his chair, staring blankly at the various medicine jars and potions, not saying a word.

She quietly slipped inside, hiding behind his chair. Liu Yan either truly didn’t notice or simply had no mind to pay attention to her, remaining motionless. She sat down behind his chair, carefully listening for any movement from him.

However, after a very long time, Liu Yan hadn’t said a single word or moved a finger.

He was like a dead person.

The sky gradually grew very bright. She breathed in the strange smell of the medicine room, her head gradually becoming a bit dizzy. He sat in here all day – it must be very uncomfortable, right? Not knowing how much time had passed, her stomach growled with hunger, and she finally couldn’t help asking, “What are you thinking about? Are you hungry? I’m hungry.”

He still didn’t answer. Yu Tuan’er began talking to herself: “Did you and Sister A’Shui have a fight? Then it must be your fault. Sister A’Shui is a good person who wouldn’t fight with anyone. If you want her to accompany you, you should treat her well. How can you be so fierce and strange yet still expect others to be nice to you on their own? But if you regret it, I can go help you call her back.” She pushed his chair, like a little dog trying to please its master. “But in the future, you have to tell me when something happens.”

“Shut up.”

Liu Yan’s voice was gloomy and ice-cold, filled with chill. Yu Tuan’er was startled. She had racked her brains to comfort him yet received such treatment. Anger rose from her heart, and she suddenly pushed his chair over with force.

With a “bang,” Liu Yan fell heavily forward to the ground, but she immediately regretted it and rushed to help him up.

The wound on his arm bled again from the fall. Yu Tuan’er used her sleeve to press against his wound. “Hey? Hey?”

Liu Yan pushed away her hand and lay back on the ground, staring up at the roof beams with open eyes. Unexpectedly, when Yu Tuan’er pushed him down, he didn’t get angry. The depression that had been accumulating earlier also dissipated somewhat with this fall, as if bleeding made him feel satisfied.

“Hey?” Yu Tuan’er sat beside him. He stared at the roof beams for a long time, then suddenly spoke: “I’m thinking about what method could make the antidote ready for use tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that…” Yu Tuan’er touched his forehead. “Then think quickly. You were able to save my life, so making this antidote should be very fast too.”

Liu Yan heard but didn’t listen, murmuring: “To let A’Li send troops as soon as possible, to make the antidote take effect immediately, I…” He looked at the roof beams in confusion. “I don’t know what to do.”

This was the first time since becoming the evil “Liu Yan” that he had told someone “I don’t know what to do.” This kind of bewilderment had actually existed in his heart for a long time. After saying it out loud, he suddenly felt much lighter. Yu Tuan’er patted his head. “Is it very difficult?”

“Very difficult.” Liu Yan said quietly. “It’s almost impossible. I’ve prepared many kinds of medicine, but…” He shook his head, then shook his head again, finally holding his own head. “But taking them might cause madness, or death, or turning into someone without feeling…” Yu Tuan’er continued patting his head. “Hey, don’t worry. There will always be a way.”

Liu Yan laughed coldly. “What way? Will you test the medicine?” Yu Tuan’er’s eyes widened. “Ah?” She hesitated for quite a while. “If I die, will you be sad?”

Liu Yan turned his head away. “I don’t know.” Yu Tuan’er sighed. “But if no one tests the medicine for you, you can’t make the antidote, right?” Liu Yan remained silent – no answer meant acknowledgment.

“Alright, I’ll test the medicine for you!” Yu Tuan’er said in a low voice. “Then… then… then after I die, you have to remember me.” Liu Yan still didn’t answer. After a while, he said, “If you die, your mother will be very sad.”

Yu Tuan’er nodded. “But my mother died long ago.”

“Fool.” Liu Yan said faintly. He raised his hand to grab hers, holding it in his palm and rubbing it. Yu Tuan’er’s palm wasn’t too delicate – from childhood she had rolled around in the mountains and forests. Though born snow-white and beautiful, it wasn’t very soft. He picked it up to look at it.

Yu Tuan’er’s face suddenly reddened, her palm becoming very hot. She wanted to pull back but didn’t dare to, and was also reluctant to.

Liu Yan looked for a while, then released her hand. “I’m hungry.”

Yu Tuan’er laughed out with an “ah” sound. “I’ll go find something to eat. Wait, just wait.” She lifted Liu Yan from the ground, put him back in his chair, and left happily.

Liu Yan looked at the medicine bottles on the table. She really was a fool. What was worth being infatuated with about a man like him – hideous-faced, crippled and ugly? Yet she was truly willing to die for him…

He coldly curled the corner of his mouth. If he boasted to A’Li about this little girl being willing to die for him, A’Li would surely be furious, right? He worked so hard, but all the people who loved him would fear him. Not one person truly believed he was good.

A’Shui sat alone by that small creek, the icy stream water reflecting her brows and eyes. She thought of nothing, then hoped she could continue thinking of nothing like this, until the time when she knew nothing at all.

The weather was bitterly cold. Last night’s wind was fierce. Her hair had formed a layer of frost, her lips frozen blue-purple, but she was completely unaware, just sitting facing the stream water.

A garment fell on her shoulders. She didn’t move. Fang Pingzhai sat down beside her, waving his red fan. “I’ve long said this river is very shallow. Jumping down would only result in a bloody head, neither killing nor drowning you. You sit here pondering why it’s so shallow, why Heaven didn’t split it into a deep ravine, why there are no venomous snakes or fierce beasts in it? Those are all very profound questions, so profound that you’d have no answer even if you thought until death. Perhaps you’re thinking that since you can’t jump in the river, why doesn’t Heaven send heavy snow and hail to freeze you to death? This is also a very profound question, so profound that you’d have no answer even if you thought until death…”

A’Shui curled the corner of her mouth in her habitual slight smile. “I’m not thinking of anything.”

“Oh? Truly thinking of nothing? Then you’re a walking corpse, a zombie, a monster. People can’t truly think of nothing – they just pretend to forget after thinking too much, deceiving themselves and others.” Fang Pingzhai’s feather fan fell on A’Shui’s shoulder. The warmth of the feathers made her tremble slightly. “What did my master discuss with you? What made you wear such an expression?”

“Nothing.” Seeing Fang Pingzhai, perhaps what he said was completely right, but when she opened her mouth, she could only smile.

“Put on the clothes.”

She obediently put on the cotton-padded cloak. It was clothing Tang Lici had left at Jihe Manor. He had left quite a complete collection – men’s, women’s, even children’s clothing and accessories. The cloak was embroidered with plum blossoms and bamboo in the elegant pattern she liked, in the light purple color she favored.

After putting on the clothes, she stood up. Her expression and bearing were no different from usual. Fang Pingzhai also stood up, laughing heartily. “I say – could Tang Lici truly have divine calculations? Looking at this garment’s shoulder width, waist size, length and color, it’s as if it were tailored for you. Or is it that the woman in his mind – her appearance, temperament, figure, and disposition – were originally just like yours?”

She smiled slightly again, the gentle smile containing deep bewilderment. “Young Master Tang has always had divine calculations.”

“Haha, it’s nearly noon. I’m hungry. I wonder if Miss A’Shui has any interest in displaying her skills again?”

So Fang Pingzhai had come all this way to find her because there was no one to cook. She raised her hand to smooth her hair, only then startled to discover the ice frost on it. When her fingers touched the frost, she didn’t feel cold. Looking at her raised hand, she realized her fingers had long been numb.

Involuntarily smiling again – with people frozen like this, why were they still so clearheaded? Why did they still have to continue living? Why still wouldn’t they die?

She walked back to Jihe Manor step by step. Yu Tuan’er ran out from the door with a brilliant smile, saying she wanted to eat dried bamboo shoots fried with chicken for lunch. She had already caught a pine chicken – very plump indeed.