After staying in the hospital for a while, Qi Lan went home to recuperate.
She had grown considerably thinner, struggling even to lift her arm, let alone do any heavy work. Feng Ning took over all the household chores, and even found a set of exercise routines online, wrote them out on paper, and worked through them alongside her mother.
Feng Ning returned to a normal school life—classes during the day, home in the evening. Qi Lan needed to go to the hospital periodically for treatment.
Sometimes, unable to sleep at night, Feng Ning would look up online how long someone could live after breast cancer metastasized. Many of the answers said that modern medicine had numerous ways to keep the condition of breast cancer under control—it was, among malignant tumors, one of the ones with the best treatment outcomes.
She needed to read these things before she could fall asleep, and the next day she’d tell Qi Lan, full of energy, “The experts say the mortality rate for breast cancer isn’t actually that high. Western countries treat it like a chronic illness. Keeping a relaxed mindset is the most important thing—you absolutely mustn’t let your mind wander to bad places.”
Every time she heard this, Qi Lan would smile. “Right, Mom’s actually been feeling a lot better lately. My appetite’s improved a lot too.”
Feng Ning was quick-witted, had a bit of native cleverness to her, but was nowhere close to being a genius. She simply had the capacity to endure hardship, more so than most people.
There wasn’t the means at home to hire a caregiver, so Feng Ning would take the bus home after school in the afternoon, buy some groceries along the way, and go home to cook for her mother. Then she’d stay with her for a bit of exercise, take a shower, and go back to her room to study. After studying for a few hours, she’d peel some fruit, go keep her mother company for a while, and once her mother had fallen asleep, continue studying.
The time wasted commuting back and forth between school and home, Feng Ning cut directly out of her sleep. She went to bed at one in the morning and woke at six, napping for half an hour in the classroom at noon.
Life was filled up with busyness, but as long as her mother was still there, Feng Ning was already satisfied.
The day the final exam results for the second semester of freshman year came out, quite a crowd had gathered in front of the top-hundred rankings list to check their scores, Jiang Wen among them. He saw his own name, ranked in order—second place.
And Feng Ning had gone from somewhere beyond fiftieth in the grade rankings, all the way back to the top of the list:
- Class 9, Freshman Year: Feng Ning
- Class 9, Freshman Year: Jiang Wen
Separated only by a pane of glass, just two lines—blue background, black text. Nearby came low murmurs of discussion:
“This time the top three in the grade are those two super academic prodigies from Class 9 again.”
“Feng Ning and Jiang Wen, why is it them again, again and again! Are the two of them conjoined twins or something?”
“Right, the two of them—a match made in heaven, unstoppable together.”
“……”
The two of them.
Feng Ning and Jiang Wen.
Them.
They’re together.
Jiang Wen felt a strange, hidden sense of satisfaction.
He found it odd himself, but he liked this feeling of other people grouping him together with Feng Ning.
——As if, in everyone else’s eyes, the two of them were on the same side, together.
He stared at the ranking board for a long while; a familiar teasing voice sounded by his ear. “Hey, Jiang Wen, I’ve climbed on top of you again.”
Reining in the excess emotion, Jiang Wen turned his head.
The corner of her mouth held a hint of a smile, her hand curved to shield her eyes from the overly bright sunlight.
He gave a soft “mm.”
Feng Ning said, “Am I amazing or what.”
Jiang Wen said, “Not bad.”
“How does it feel, being the familiar old runner-up again.”
“Not bad.”
“?” The two of them had been sparring for a whole year now, and this was the first time Jiang Wen had reacted with such composure. Feng Ning turned, looking at him in puzzlement, a little disappointed. “No fun. Now that your skin’s been trained thick by me, it’s not so easy to provoke you anymore.”
“Feng Ning…”
“What.”
“I think.”
“Hm?”
Jiang Wen paused, not continuing. “Never mind. I’m heading off.”
Before Feng Ning could react, he’d already turned and walked away. She called out to his retreating back, “Young Master, remember to study hard over the break!”
Jiang Wen didn’t turn around, but raised a hand in a proud little wave.
I think.
Compared to being first place alone.
Having you as my second place makes me happier.
Summer break passed, and sophomore year began, bringing in another large batch of new students. As an outstanding student representative of the 1X grade, Feng Ning gave a speech to the new students in the small auditorium.
Looking out over the densely packed crowd below, she remained as composed as ever, adjusted the microphone, and began, just as she had that time at the flag-raising ceremony, “Good afternoon, teachers and classmates. Let me start with a brief self-introduction.”
“I’m Feng Ning from Sophomore Class 9. I’m the classmate of half the people here, and the senior schoolmate of the other half. After this speech of mine today, I might also become a role model to all of you.”
This shameless opening drew a wave of laughter from below.
Shuang Yao was down there recording her on her phone.
Xi Gaoyuan clapped along with everyone else, saying to Zhao Binlin, “Feng Ning really hasn’t changed one bit, still as arrogant as ever.”
“She’s honestly the most eccentric person I’ve ever met.”
Hearing others’ comments about Feng Ning, Jiang Wen smiled quietly to himself.
“Before the teacher assigned me this speech, she specifically warned me not to go off script. She wanted me to speak from my own personal experience, from the small details, about the school’s various strengths and features, making sure every word conveyed a sense of belonging to the school.”
“Chinese people value subtlety, and the teacher also instructed me to be sure to write my speech tactfully. First, praise myself on the surface, but the main point must always circle back to praising the school. I know—you all don’t buy into that kind of thing, because neither do I.”
Tie Niangzi’s face turned green with anger.
This time the response from the floor wasn’t just applause, but whistles and cheers as well. Feng Ning had stirred the opening ceremony today into a small climax.
She simply had that kind of charisma.
The kind of charisma that made people want to listen closely to what she said.
Just like last time, the audience, originally distracted, couldn’t help but perk up their ears once they’d finished laughing, waiting for what she’d say next.
Once the applause had died down, Feng Ning continued, “The Crowd says that when people are in a group, their thinking becomes very simple, easily swayed by slogans. But all of that is false, perfunctory, meaningless.”
“Let me give an example. A year ago, someone stood in this exact same position, giving a speech as the new student representative. What did he say?”
Feng Ning imitated it, “‘A person’s life is a life of struggle. From this moment on, let us, in the spirit of perseverance, together write a beautiful future for Qide.'”
This time it was Jiang Wen’s face that turned green.
——He had been that year’s new-student representative.
“See, this passage—very positive energy, right? Very inspirational, right? But except for me, I bet no one remembers it at all.”
Most of the crowd broke into laughter again.
Feng Ning composed her expression. “He said a person’s life is a life of struggle. And what I want to say is, a person’s life is a life of tragedy—including me, all of us live within tragedy.”
“I’ve encountered plenty of terrible things. I’ve wandered through low points, even felt despair over this wretched life. But I still keep striving to live. Yes, I’m someone who strives to live. No matter what happens, I will always strive to keep living.”
The simpler the words, the more piercing their power. Below, not a sound could be heard. Jiang Wen was no longer angry either; like everyone else, he began listening with rapt, worshipful attention.
Zhao Binlin was sitting right beside him, and happened to glance over at Jiang Wen, suddenly struck by an odd feeling.
He recalled Jiang Wen’s expression and the look in his eyes.
Zhao Binlin thought, why did he seem to catch, in that look, a hint of… infatuation.
Infatuation?
“Nietzsche has a line—’I want you to observe yourself from a distant vantage point.'”
Feng Ning spoke it out slowly, word by word, her low voice carrying through the speaker to every corner of the small auditorium. “A broad perspective always dilutes tragedy. If we climb high enough, we’ll reach a height from which tragedy no longer looks so tragic.”
“When you open your eyes and discover the tragedy of life, when you recognize just how bad it is—that is the starting point of your success.”
“I hope that what I’ve said here today can be a gift for your sixteen-year-old self.”
After this passage, there was silence throughout the hall for at least ten seconds.
Then applause erupted, thunderous and unrelenting.
Feng Ning wasn’t finished yet.
She braced both hands on either side of the podium and continued unhurriedly, “Finally, I want to return to the point of this speech itself. What is the point? The point is exactly what the teacher instructed me to convey—that Qide is far more excellent, expansive, and inclusive than you might imagine.”
“Why is that?”
Feng Ning smiled, wrapping up, “Because it educated—and tolerated—a student like me.”
Amid the most enthusiastic applause, she said:
“—Welcome, everyone, to Qide High School.”
Feng Ning’s speech would later become the most classic new-student representative address in Qide’s history, one that no one ever surpassed again. Even long, long afterward, legends of her still circulated through the school.
Another summer came to an end.
Life wasn’t such a big deal. Everything would pass, everything would be fine.
On an ordinary, pleasantly sunny afternoon, Feng Ning came home.
“Mom, I’m home—”
The house was silent, so silent that Feng Ning froze in place at once.
Schopenhauer wrote in his book that fate always tells people one truth: everything that happens was bound to happen, unavoidable.
After seven rounds of chemotherapy, the cancer had still spread to the bone, and Qi Lan had collapsed at home.
Qi Lan had been keeping it from Feng Ning all along. So she hadn’t known just how bad her mother’s condition had already gotten.
The ambulance came, stopping at the entrance to Yujiang Lane. Once they’d gotten her to the hospital, the doctor told Feng Ning she might need to prepare herself for the worst outcome.
Looking at her mother, hooked up to a ventilator, she felt on the verge of falling apart, and demanded, “She was this serious, so why didn’t anyone tell me before?”
“Your mother said you were still in school.”
“What does that matter? I’m my mother’s family member. Why would you help hide this from her own family?”
The doctor said, “Actually, your mother hasn’t been very cooperative with treatment. She’s refused many of our proposed treatment plans.”
“Why?”
“The patient’s own words were that she didn’t want to lie in the hospital wasting money, emptying out the family’s savings.” The doctor spoke evenly. “Your mother wanted to leave you a bit of money, so she could go with peace of mind. We don’t have the right to interfere with her decision.”
“Then…” Feng Ning held onto the last of her composure. Even saying a single word took great effort. After a long pause, she asked, “If we treat it properly now, how much longer, at most, could she live?”
“Half a year to a year.”
The doctor left.
Shuang Yao looked at Feng Ning, crouched on the ground, with an aching heart. She walked over. “Ning Ning…”
Feng Ning trembled slightly, hugging her knees, burying her face. “Don’t comfort me. No need. It’s fine, it’s fine.”
It’s fine.
What kind of person was Feng Ning?
She was a strong person. Back when Qi Lan’s cancer relapsed the second time, Feng Ning had already fully prepared herself mentally.
So it wasn’t fear she felt toward Qi Lan’s death.
Not fear.
Just dread—
Dread of having wasted so much time,
Dread of not having spent enough time with her yet.
Feng Ning took her mother’s documents and went to Qide to apply for a leave of absence from school.
She came alone, and left alone as well.
She said goodbye to no one.
Walking out through the school gates, Feng Ning turned back to look once more.
A deep blue sky, white clouds, the crisp air of autumn. The bell for the end of class rang; the school was still just as lively as ever—boys chasing and roughhousing in the hallways between classes, girls blushing, arms linked, sharing their secrets.
Everything was so beautiful.
No one noticed that one person was missing, and no one cared that one person was missing.
Perhaps… someone did care, after all.
Feng Ning thought of Jiang Wen.
She smiled faintly, hailed a taxi, and left.
At the hospital, Meng Hanmo handed her a card. “There’s two hundred thousand yuan on this. Focus on your studies, don’t worry about money.”
Qi Lan needed treatment, and there was no way around needing money, so Feng Ning didn’t refuse. She said, “Brother, I’ll pay you back eventually.”
Meng Hanmo frowned. “When are you going back to school?”
Feng Ning gave the same answer as always. “I need to stay with my mom.”
“You’re almost in your final year, and you’re taking a leave of absence now—no regrets?”
“No regrets.”
In the hospital corridor late at night, her voice came through very clearly: “Even if it’s a long, long time from now, if you asked me to choose again, I’d do exactly the same thing I’m doing right now.”
Perhaps Feng Ning was simply too greedy.
Still hoping to borrow a few more years, so Qi Lan could watch her grow up safely.
But she wouldn’t be able to accompany her mother for much longer. So now, even if it was only a minute, a second, she was going to cherish it properly.
Even if she ended up alone afterward, it wouldn’t matter.