Another baby was born today. Everyone inside and outside the hospital was happy – no matter what, the arrival of new life always gives people hope.

Xie Chi looked at the pitch-black sky and suddenly remembered that the seventh day after Nanjing’s fall was He Feng’s birthday. They had clearly met that day, but were so busy she never thought of it at all.

Such a pity – she had never said “happy birthday” to him even once.

The weather was cold. The hot water in her cup quickly cooled down, gradually no longer even steaming.

She looked at the slightly rippling water surface, reflecting her drooping eyes, and drank all the water in one gulp.

Maybe he was still alive.

Maybe like this water, he had already gone completely cold.

But none of that mattered anymore.

In fact, she had long prepared herself for He Feng to die for his country.

Sooner or later.

“Wanzhi—”

A nurse called her.

Xie Chi stood up and headed inside. After two steps she stopped, turned back to look at Fujita Kiyono. “Don’t freeze – we have no medicine to treat you.”

Fujita Kiyono really did shiver. Seeing her walking quickly inside, he gripped his bread and stood up to walk away.

He got lost. Everywhere was dark with no lights and no people. He didn’t know where he had wandered to when a woman coming out to urinate scolded him thoroughly. He kept his head low and ran around randomly until a man finally brought him back to the hospital.

So he thought: I’ll wait until dawn to leave.

“Make way, make way.”

A doctor and two nurses came running in pushing a cart. On it lay a pregnant woman whose face had been hacked beyond recognition. Her hands were covered in blood but still protecting her swollen belly.

Fujita Kiyono leaned against the wall, staring blankly as they walked away.

Someone beside him shook their head and sighed: “Such evil, these beasts.”

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

Fujita Kiyono repeated these three words countless times in his mind.

He didn’t even dare return to the ward, afraid to see the various knife wounds and burns on those people’s bodies. He waited anxiously outside the operating room. At this moment, he regretted not having a faith – a faith that could sustain him in times of confusion.

Suddenly, the clear cry of a baby came from the operating room.

He suddenly bit his arm and couldn’t help but burst into tears.

…

Xie Chi was on night duty today, responsible for checking the rooms on the second floor. After making her rounds, nothing seemed amiss except that strange man in the sweater was nowhere to be found. She searched inside and out but didn’t find him. She asked the duty nurses and doctors – none had seen him. Since his injuries weren’t serious, perhaps he had left. Xie Chi didn’t take it to heart.

It had been cold recently. An old woman in the hallway was curled up shivering, even her head covered by the blanket. In these chaotic times, everyone understood each other. Blankets were scarce – if you could endure, you endured rather than taking extra resources.

Seeing her constant shivering, Xie Chi went to the storage room to find her a blanket. Just as she opened the door and took two steps inside, she saw a dark shadow huddled in the corner.

She shone her flashlight and recognized the person, then walked over to stand in front of him.

She heard faint sobbing.

Fujita Kiyono hurriedly wiped away his tears, not daring to look up.

“Go to sleep.”

He recognized her voice and raised his face to look up at the white coat before him. Even though he couldn’t see her features clearly, he could imagine what expression that distant face wore now. He lowered his head, wiped his tears clean, quickly composed his emotions, not wanting her to see him in this wretched, vulnerable state.

“At times like these, everyone has it hard.” Xie Chi’s gaze was cold and remote, one hand in her pocket. Her fingers touched something hard deep in the pocket and she pinched it out. “Just get through it.”

Fujita Kiyono’s eyes burned hot. Suddenly he saw her hand reaching toward him, holding a small piece of candy. He was stunned, looking up at her with moist, beautiful eyes, deeply moved.

“Eat a piece of candy – it will make you feel much better.”

He accepted it, very much wanting to say thank you.

Xie Chi withdrew her hand. Without saying any more words of comfort, she raised her flashlight and walked deeper inside, moving a wooden box to step on it and reach for something.

Her height still wasn’t quite enough. She struggled to pull down the blanket.

Fujita Kiyono watched her like this, seeing her carry out the thin blanket without either of them saying a word.

The room returned to darkness.

He stood up. Having crouched for so long, his legs were numb and weak. He held onto the cabinet to stand, taking a long time to adapt before he could walk normally. He opened the door and walked out, opening his palm to look at the candy with its pink wrapper.

He tucked it into his pocket and walked toward the ward.

…

The hospital scheduled a foreigner on duty every day to deal with Japanese soldiers who might break in at any time.

Four babies were born this week, cared for by Heinz. After making her rounds outside, Xie Chi saw the nursery still had its lights on and went in to take a look.

The little babies were sleeping peacefully while Heinz was writing something. Seeing Xie Chi enter, she smiled at her. Neither spoke, afraid of waking the infants.

Xie Chi bent down to look at a baby in swaddling clothes – such a tiny one, she couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl.

She hadn’t liked children before, but somehow at some point, seeing them made her want to touch and hold them. Maybe it was because of He Feng, maybe because she had reached that age.

After watching for a while, Xie Chi waved to Heinz and left the nursery.

…

At the first light of dawn, the hospital became busy.

An epidemic had broken out among the refugees – one by one suffering from diarrhea and vomiting. This was to be expected. Nanjing was now littered with corpses, and the rivers large and small were contaminated by rotting bodies. The city’s running water had stopped since the fall, and people depending on river water for survival could only endure hunger and thirst, though some who weren’t particular still drank from the rivers. Add to this the overcrowded refugee camps with poor sanitation, feces piled high as mountains, garbage heaps reaching several meters high – when one person got sick, it spread quickly.

The hospital beds were already scarce, and now they had to set up several outdoor clinics. There were few male doctors and few volunteers – big rough men who didn’t know how to care for people – so these nurses had been trained to carry sandbags and run with people on their backs. But when encountering heavier cases, it was still quite strenuous.

Fujita Kiyono saw a nurse unable to turn a patient over and went to help.

The nurse said “thank you” to him.

This immediately reduced his guilt by several degrees. Suddenly, he didn’t want to leave anymore.

Looking at these patients, Fujita Kiyono had always pursued realism in his art, expressing real society and life. At this moment he really wished he had a camera to record this suffering. But if he really had a camera to capture these scenes, he might want to smash it. He fell into extreme contradiction – wanting to help these people while fearing to show the brutal side of his countrymen to the world. He hoped his homeland’s image would forever remain that of a benevolent, civilized nation.

Around nine in the morning, a team of Japanese soldiers arrived. Fujita Kiyono thought they had come looking for him, found a mask to put on, and turned his back to them.

But the Japanese soldiers’ purpose wasn’t him. They headed straight for the nurses’ dormitory. Fujita Kiyono faintly heard phrases like “where is she,” “not your wife,” “dare to deceive us,” “find her out”…

They rummaged everywhere, grabbing nurses and ripping off their masks, apparently searching for someone.

Fortunately, the hospital administrator eventually drove them out.

Before leaving, they punched a foreign doctor twice, smashed a medical cart, and stole half a biscuit from a little girl.

Fujita Kiyono clenched his fists in anger. Were these still his countrymen! How were they different from bandits!

…

Xie Chi and two nurses were giving refugees vaccinations at Jinling University Affiliated Middle School, returning at noon to get medicine.

Dr. Trimmer called her aside and told her what had happened in the morning: “The Japanese soldiers are probably targeting you. They know you have no relationship with me. They didn’t find you this morning but will likely come back. You know they… many times we’re powerless to help. I can’t guarantee I can protect you every time. I think you need to hide in the refugee camp for a few days and not come back temporarily. If they can’t find you when they come again, they might give up, then you can return. The epidemic is serious lately anyway – medical staff are needed outside too.”

Xie Chi understood. “Sorry for causing trouble for you and the hospital.”

The doctor shook his head, exhausted: “Don’t say such things. You’ve helped a great deal. In any case, be careful.”

“Alright.”

Xie Chi picked up two medical cases and left. Not far away, she heard someone following. She turned back to see Fujita Kiyono. “Do you need something?”

Fujita Kiyono said nothing.

She had no time to waste words with him and left quickly.

Fujita Kiyono followed her all the way to the outdoor clinic.

The refugee camp situation was terrible. The air was filled with foul smells. Every person’s face showed nothing but numbness or gloom – deathly still, barely surviving in this apocalyptic scene.

Xie Chi sat back at the table, put on gloves, and seeing Fujita Kiyono standing stiffly in the distance, went over to ask: “Do you want to help?”

He nodded repeatedly.

“Then come here.” Xie Chi gave him the pill box. “Sort these – put six pills in each small bag.”

Fujita Kiyono happily accepted it.

…

In the evening, Xie Chi and another Chinese doctor stayed at the outdoor clinic.

After a busy day, with aching backs, Xie Chi helped massage the doctor’s shoulders. At such times, there were no gender distinctions or concerns about men and women being alone together. Everyone stood on the same front with only one belief in their hearts – saving lives.

“Didn’t expect you to look so thin but have such strong hands.”

“Too hard?”

“Just right.”

Xie Chi massaged various spots for him. “I used to massage my grandfather often when I was little – got practice that way.”

Dr. Li closed his eyes, sighing comfortably. “You’re from Wuxi, right?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you stay in Nanjing instead of leaving? You don’t look like someone without money.”

“Nowhere to go.”

“What about family?”

“No family.”

Dr. Li was quiet for a moment. “Are your hands tired? Let me massage you.”

“No need.” Xie Chi let go of him, twisting her arms as she walked outside. “I’m not tired.”

Someone was crouched outside the door. She looked down at Fujita Kiyono. “Why are you still here?”

He looked up at her without speaking.

Xie Chi looked at him expressionlessly. He wore a blue-gray short jacket, looking pitiful. “If your injuries are healed, go find a place to stay in the refugee camp. If you want to stay and help at the hospital, go formally report to McCullum.”

Dr. Li came out twisting his neck. “Little Xie always talks so bluntly – look how you’ve scared him.” He extended his hand to Fujita Kiyono. “It’s cold outside, come in and warm up.”

Fujita Kiyono grasped his hand, using the leverage to stand, and entered the room.

Dr. Li poured him a cup of hot tea. “Drink up, warm yourself.”

He accepted it and bowed slightly.

Dr. Li smiled as he looked him over. “The handsome patient the nurses were talking about last night must be him.”

Xie Chi collapsed onto the table, too tired to respond.

Fujita Kiyono smiled awkwardly and shook his head.

Dr. Li sat down with a long sigh. “The young man really is quite good-looking. Are you from Nanjing?”

Fujita Kiyono shook his head, put down his cup, and bowed slightly again.

“Why so polite? Sit down.”

Fujita Kiyono glanced at Xie Chi and quietly sat down.

Dr. Li looked at his slender hands and joked: “Little Xie, look at his hands – they’re almost as soft as yours.”

Xie Chi opened her hands and looked at them in the light – indeed much rougher now. She thought of He Feng and his little brother’s hands – palms full of calluses, thick and hard, even the gaps between fingers were black. But she felt those were the most beautiful hands in the world.

The refugee camp in the distance erupted in chaos again, with countless shrill screams.

Japanese soldiers had snuck in to rape women again.

Not knowing what was happening, Fujita Kiyono stood with wide eyes looking toward the faint light in the distance.

Xie Chi stood up to go out, but Dr. Li stopped her. “What are you rushing into?” He found cloth to wrap around her head, rubbed some dirt from the ground onto Xie Chi’s face. “Turn off the light. I’ll go see what’s happening. You hide here properly.”

In the refugee camp, several Japanese soldiers prowled like ghosts in the darkness, grabbing any young girls they saw, regardless of location, pinning them down to rape them.

The commotion was getting louder, the sounds closer. Fujita Kiyono guessed what was happening outside. Hearing the uncontrolled laughter of those Japanese soldiers, he felt anger and shame.

These savage, inhuman beasts!

Xie Chi still rushed out, and he followed.

The Japanese soldiers invaded nightly. The refugees had found ways to cope – as soon as they appeared, young girls were immediately hidden in pre-selected hiding places.

Unable to find girls, the Japanese soldiers didn’t spare even boys around ten years old.

No Japanese soldiers could die in the safety zone, or they would use it as an excuse to break in even more brazenly to commit evil.

Xie Chi picked up a long bench and struck at a Japanese soldier who was raping an elderly woman. The soldier was knocked down onto the old woman, so angry he didn’t even have time to pull up his pants, cursing as he lunged at Xie Chi.

Xie Chi gave him another blow with the bench. As the Japanese soldier reached forward, his pants fell around his ankles, tripping him hard. He cursed and crawled on the ground.

Xie Chi helped up the old woman. Just as they moved away, another Japanese soldier lunged from the side, pinning her to the ground, one hand around her waist, one hand on her chest, excitedly shouting: “Flower girl!”

Xie Chi twisted his wrist, bent his arm back, and slammed it hard against his chest. The Japanese soldier coughed violently from the blow. She raised her knee to kick him away, rolled to get behind him, hooked his arm around his neck, and locked him tightly.

Because of the large movements, her head covering fell off.

Suddenly a gunshot rang out.

The bare-bottomed Japanese soldier held a bayonet pointed at Xie Chi. Even with her face blackened, her beauty was obvious.

With the blade at her throat, Xie Chi didn’t dare move.

The Japanese soldier leered at her, about to grab her when Xie Chi rolled to the side and squeezed through a gap in the wooden fence.

“Stop!”

A hoarse roar came from nearby.

Xie Chi looked over to see Fujita Kiyono blocking a Japanese soldier who was holding a girl, angrily scolding him.

He could speak.

Xie Chi could only understand simple Japanese. He seemed to mention “general,” “lieutenant colonel,” “bastards.”

The Japanese soldiers shone a flashlight on him, seemingly not quite believing his words. Suddenly another Japanese soldier came over, muttering something to him. Immediately, both stood straight and saluted him.

Xie Chi stared at them in shock.

Fujita Kiyono was so furious his body trembled uncontrollably. “All of you stop and get out.”

“Yes.”

Fujita Kiyono surveyed the area and found Xie Chi standing not far away. With difficulty, he walked over with lowered head and bowed deeply to her, saying in Chinese: “I’m sorry.”

Xie Chi thought of all that had happened recently and felt nauseous. She had a knife hidden in her sleeve. Looking down at this bowed head, at this moment she wanted nothing more than to plunge it into the back of his neck.

“I promise you, this kind of thing, will never, happen again.” When he spoke Chinese, he always grouped words in twos and threes. Though his voice wasn’t loud, it was full of sincerity. “I’m sorry.”

Xie Chi held back. She turned away and carried off a girl who was curled up by the wall, having been assaulted.

“I’m sorry.”

…