When Yu Jiuqi came back to her senses, she discovered she’d already driven the car onto the highway.
It wasn’t intentional.
At first she just wanted to quickly leave her home neighborhood. After circling to the east-west main artery, she drove directly toward the development zone. But reaching the development zone, she found noisy crowds everywhere—young people from all over the country flooded in like they weren’t afraid of cold and didn’t need sleep, coming out to make merry. Near midnight it even caused traffic. Xiao Jiu couldn’t help exclaiming that this year’s Northeast tourism was genuinely explosively popular—even Stone City, usually depressed and deserted, had become lively.
After being stuck for twenty minutes, she circled around a small ice sculpture plaza, speeding past under several incongruous cartoon ice sculptures. Along the way she avoided the artificial lake especially beloved by southern tourists for ice skating and sledding. With one turn, she headed straight for the state-owned pharmaceutical factory in the west. The factory was one of Stone City’s top large enterprises, occupying a large piece of land in the west. At this time work had long ended—only the front side of the building was lit. The surroundings were empty and quiet, and in the distance the haze at the horizon’s edge pressed over again.
Yu Jiuqi stared ahead, gazing at that layered winter night wonder—a small ring of pale blue at the bottom, with heavy deep gray pressing down above. When wind rolled past, the deep gray tumbled downward eroding, swallowing the weak bright colors like covering heaven and earth.
Xiao Jiu lightly pressed the accelerator. Before that touch of brightness completely disappeared, she brought Sun Xi drilling into the mist.
When she came back to her senses again, she discovered she’d already entered the highway from Stone City heading to Yanji.
For the entire hour and a half drive, he remained sitting slanted in the back, not saying a word. Only his sometimes light, sometimes heavy breathing passed through the dense warm air in the car batting over, reminding Xiao Jiu that she seemed to be leading an escape but was actually being held hostage and forced.
She took the nearest highway exit, driving to a county town entrance. It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision—ahead there was a traffic accident temporarily blocking the road.
The car stopped on a deserted spacious gravel road. On the left was a gas station, on the right a farmhouse courtyard rich with local flavor. Through the car window, she could see the bonfire on the snowy ground in the courtyard and hear waves of laughter and revelry.
Perhaps because it was too quiet in the car, that group of young tourists’ laughter was especially clear. Some inexperienced young man was confessing—those three words under everyone’s heckling were shouted sincerely and loudly, over and over.
Yu Jiuqi broke the silence at this moment, proactively stating the decision she’d thought through the whole journey: “About the chicken stand shop compensation matter—I asked about it. The final mediation plan can be set in these two days, at most one hundred fifty thousand. Let’s calculate it as one hundred fifty thousand. We’ll each pay half, then deduct that nine thousand. I’ll transfer the remaining money to you later.”
Silence in the back, no movement.
“Because it’s a large-amount transfer, I need to handle it at the counter. The fastest would also be tomorrow.”
Sun Xi still didn’t speak.
Xiao Jiu continued: “Whether you want to stay in Stone City or go back, it’s all your freedom. You decide yourself. I admit I wanted to persuade you to leave before. All those words weren’t sincere—they were also very selfish, even terrible. I apologize to you, Sun Xi. This is also your hometown, you also have family here. Nine years ago, my parents driving you away was already very wrong—I made it even worse.”
He moved, a sound of leather seats rubbing, breathing also got heavier.
Xiao Jiu didn’t stop, continuing: “But if you insist on buying Le Sheng Huang, you need to understand—from now on neither of our families will have peaceful days. My dad cares very much about Wendu Water Resort. He’ll consider you upstairs as a threat. Needless to say about my mom—she can’t stand breathing the same air as you. They’ll definitely go find you trouble, and I know you won’t hide anymore either. If it really becomes like that, if it really turns into a fight…”
Xiao Jiu felt uncomfortable, suddenly pausing. Sun Xi leaned forward, seemingly about to say something to interrupt her.
But she suddenly turned back, meeting his eyes in the darkness: “If it really turns into a fight, I’ll stand on my parents’ side.”
Sun Xi looked at her in the darkness, seeing her gaze serious, decisive and firm. He couldn’t help but move closer.
Xiao Jiu ignored his oppressive presence, emphasizing again: “Even if you threaten me, even if you tell everyone about us, even if you say I dated you, slept with you…”
Sun Xi leaned over, suppressing his voice to stop her: “Yu Jiuqi!”
Xiao Jiu still stared at him: “I’ll still stand on my parents’ side.”
Sun Xi reached out, wanting to grab her hand. Xiao Jiu flinched. At this moment, someone suddenly knocked on the driver’s side window—two knocks shattering the anxious entanglement inside the car. Yu Jiuqi turned back around, lowering half the window.
It was a worker from the neighboring farmhouse courtyard soliciting customers, wearing a red floral jacket, a cotton hat printed with the farmhouse name, holding a huge printed advertisement from Little Red Book and TikTok promotional pages. Blocking the highway fork, he asked every stopped car. His baby face was frozen bright red, but his smile was enthusiastically radiant.
“Miss, here for tourism? Had dinner yet? Our farmhouse is right next door—we have everything! Iron pot stew, butchered pig dishes, barbecue skewers—all varieties!”
Yu Jiuqi smiled and said: “No need, Brother. I’m not here for tourism.”
The floral jacket worker didn’t give up: “Then play games? Our place has a bonfire party soon—dancing, singing, live streaming, all available. Photos come out great too—all like movie scenes. Buy thirty yuan of barbecue and you can participate.”
“No need.”
The floral jacket worker was about to continue when the back car door suddenly opened, and a stern-faced fierce-looking man walked out. He made an “oh” sound. Eyes turning, he said again: “We also have lodging—pure farmhouse heated kang beds, private rooms, burning firewood—super warm.”
Sun Xi circled to the passenger seat position. Not getting in the car, elbow lightly propping on the car, frowning as he looked over. Impatiently staring straight at that floral jacket, saying nothing—pitch-black and terrifying.
That floral jacket worker suddenly couldn’t smile anymore, not understanding where this handsome guy’s anger and hostility came from. He felt he’d been polite and hadn’t done anything—quite innocent. He looked again at the kind and polite girl in the driver’s seat—one murderously fierce with a face full of defeat, the other smiling yet concealing fatigue. Curious, also a bit worried, but knowing not to mind others’ business too much, he nodded and rushed toward another car.
Sun Xi got in the passenger seat, closed the door, loosened his collar, looking at several tourists dancing around the bonfire ahead. Taking a heavy breath, his expression gradually shed impatience under the firelight. His gaze tightened, then moved to the side.
He changed the subject, not following her conversation: “Were you crying then?”
Seeing Xiao Jiu not answer, he said again: “Sorry about that—made you cry.”
Xiao Jiu couldn’t figure out what he meant by suddenly being like this: “I didn’t cry.”
Sun Xi chuckled lightly: “Weren’t you quite frank just now? Whether what you said was sincere or not—I can tell.”
Yu Jiuqi didn’t deny it. Her excellent lying skills had never worked with Sun Xi. This was also why unless absolutely necessary, she didn’t dare nor need to play dumb with Sun Xi.
“You already deliberately arranged to chat with Zhu Duomei about those things—why not directly say that person was me? Wouldn’t that be more satisfying?” Xiao Jiu’s tone carried mockery.
“I didn’t arrange to meet her—she called me.” Sun Xi glanced at her, silent for a moment, tentatively asking: “What if I really had said it?”
“Say it if you want.”
“Have you thought about the consequences?”
Before Xiao Jiu’s eyes flashed some scenes of corpses strewn everywhere and complete betrayal by friends and family. She really had thought about it: “Nothing more than getting beaten by my mom, driven out. My dad will also be very disappointed. They’ll say I’m ungrateful, say I betrayed the family. I can’t be that bathhouse owner family’s good daughter anymore. Most likely I won’t have a home.”
Xiao Jiu thought he wanted to savor her defeated appearance, satisfying him: “So if you want to say it, go say it, Sun Xi. Nothing more than this outcome.”
But he asked again: “What if I hadn’t come back? Not coming back, or slinking away like the previous two times—what would happen to you?”
Stunned for a moment, confused: “I’d continue living.”
“What kind of life?”
The tourists in front of the bonfire changed groups—a couple with two or three children. The children played lively with peers, but that couple stood tiredly on the periphery, far away, both staring blankly at the roaring firelight. Xiao Jiu blinked in a daze, feeling life’s truth was all spread before her eyes.
So she answered him quite sincerely: “Just like that—work, get off work, get married, have children.”
“What about other things?”
“What else is there?”
“Are you happy?” Sun Xi turned significantly toward her, tightly locking onto her eyes reddened by the bonfire reflection. “Living like this, are you free, Yu Jiuqi?”
Yu Jiuqi was startled with sudden realization. Looking at Sun Xi, she was silent for a while. She remembered also using these seemingly pretentious questions to interrogate herself, or longing for wiser people to answer her doubts. She’d suffered for this, also struggled, but facts proved that nothing was easier than blocking out sensations and going with the flow.
“Are these things important?”
“Aren’t they important?”
Xiao Jiu laughed lightly, gaze scattered, saying words she’d used countless times to convince herself: “Sun Xi, don’t be too idealistic. Everyone lives like this. This world doesn’t revolve around anyone. Who can truly do whatever they want? Your questions—don’t you find them laughable? Those things really aren’t important, they’re useless. They’ll only make you live more chaotically. Better to be simple—manage yourself well, don’t trouble others, that’s enough!”
Xiao Jiu glared at him, the last sentence like a warning.
But Sun Xi’s gaze jumped: “So you admit it?”
“Admit what?”
“Admit you’re not doing well—not happy, not free, not even fortunate!”
“So what?”
“Is it or isn’t it?” He pressed.
“Yes! So what?”
“So what? So what?” Sun Xi suddenly pressed on the car seat, rising over, leaning close to her, eyes full of fierceness.
He said viciously: “Then why should we be apart!”
Before Xiao Jiu could react, Sun Xi pinched one of her hands. Xiao Jiu tried to pull back. Sun Xi held it firmly, gripping it in his hand. His whole person used a strange posture half-covering her, trapping her in the driver’s seat, voice suppressed and fierce: “That year in Beijing, why did I agree to let you go—remember? You said you didn’t want to be with me, you said you weren’t happy, you said only by going back could you truly be happy. I asked you, I said…”
“Sun Xi!”
Yu Jiuqi suddenly understood his intention with that gradual persuasion just now, also knew what he wanted to say. She didn’t want to hear it, didn’t dare hear it. Using her other hand to push him, that was also held down, clasped together.
Xiao Jiu sternly raised her eyes, meeting those already out-of-control wolf-like eyes.
“Let me finish!” Sun Xi was almost pressed against her face, scorching breath roasting people’s hearts into chaos.
He stared at her, continuing: “At that time I asked you—I asked you in front of so many people, asked you several times, were you really certain leaving me would make you better off? If you were certain, I’d let you go. You said you were certain! You said you were certain! That’s why I agreed to break up! That’s why I let you go! But Jiu, baby…”
He suddenly choked, pressing close to her, almost brushing her lips, coaxing her, yet also seeming to bewitch her: “…If the facts are like this, then why should we be apart?”
You haven’t lived better—so what was the meaning of me letting you go?
We’re both not happier—so why be apart?
Yu Jiuqi suddenly wanted to cry very much. She’d even cried out loud. Sun Xi instantly couldn’t bear it, raising his hand trying to touch her face. But Xiao Jiu took advantage of Sun Xi loosening his grip, forcefully pushing him away, hastily getting out of the car.
Sun Xi gritted his teeth, turning to also get out, chasing after her.
Yu Jiuqi of course remembered.
She of course remembered three years and three months ago, Beijing’s hazy early autumn day, Tuesday, three-thirty in the afternoon.
After she called the police, officers came up together with community property security, using both soft and hard tactics to work on Sun Xi, telling him not to persist in error, to accept the breakup.
Sun Xi was disheveled all over, arm bleeding, tightly gripping Yu Jiuqi’s hand without letting go. They sat one high one low. She turned her head, unable to bear watching him look so embarrassed, yet bearing to say the harshest words.
She said I’ve had enough of you, I don’t want to live miserably with you, don’t like your house, don’t want to stay in Beijing. Look at yourself—are you crying? Sun Xi, you really make me so tired. Only by leaving you will I be happy, will I live well!
Then he asked over and over, and she clenched her fist, answering over and over.
When walking out of his home door, Yu Jiuqi didn’t stop for a single step, much less dare look back. In her heart she cursed herself on his behalf—trampling on a person so viciously would bring retribution.
So not being happy, not being fortunate—I deserved it.
Living timidly, living with a blurred face, living in fear—all the fate I deserve.
It’s my retribution for abandoning my lover.
You should be happy.
Yu Jiuqi suddenly felt extremely cold. Discovering she didn’t wear her down jacket when getting out, hugging her arms, she strode straight toward that bright red bonfire not far away. She even wanted to rush into the fire, bury herself in the fire, like a scattered ash flying in the fire.
Someone pulled her from behind—accurately speaking, dragged her, held her, wrapped her in a down jacket, arm around her waist, tightly tucking her into his embrace.
Chin pressing on her head, rubbing hard, speaking to her in a low voice, nasal tone a bit heavy, rarely gentle.
Sun Xi said: “I don’t want to destroy your life—just want to puncture some truth.”
Yu Jiuqi looked at the roaring bonfire, watching flames dance and leap up. Gradually not so cold anymore, heart also quieted somewhat. The surrounding genuine revelry sounds pulled her back to reality. Behind her, the firm and powerful heartbeat sounded aggressive. She blinked, responding to that sentence.
Voice faint and weak, cold and clear: “And then, Sun Xi?”
She turned around, distancing herself from him. He wanted to come over, she took another step back.
Between them seemed always like this—from youth onward, that one-step distance hung between them like a curse. As long as they tried to approach with a fluke mentality, they’d receive a mutually destructive backlash.
So Xiao Jiu’s expression was stern: “Seeing me living miserably, failed, unhappy—and then?”
Sun Xi hadn’t expected her to be like this, stunned there.
“Then you’ll come save me?”
Sun Xi turned to look at the bonfire. After a long while turned back, the red at the bottom of his eyes thicker than fire.
Yu Jiuqi sniffled, saying: “But you see—you can only make my life more chaotic.”
Sun Xi stepped forward, telling himself he couldn’t yield. If he yielded at this moment, everything would be lost: “I can be careful, not let them discover…”
Xiao Jiu understood his meaning, stepping back, holding back the sting in her nose: “How wronged would that be.”
“Not wronged.”
Sun Xi stepped forward again: “Okay?”
Xiao Jiu felt she’d reached a dead end, becoming incoherent: “Can you not be like this? If you really want me to live well, shouldn’t you listen to me? I want you to live your own life properly, leave, go, or you…”
Suddenly stunned—she was shocked she would say such words.
Sun Xi stopped, face ghastly pale beyond words.
Xiao Jiu lowered her head, softly muttering to herself: “Or I will!”
Yu Jiuqi suddenly turned sideways, circling past him, running away.
Sun Xi was dazed for a moment before understanding the meaning in her words. Turning to chase after her, but several children ran out from somewhere blocking the way. He circled for a long time. Looking up again, she’d already run far.
So he just watched the wind lift her loose hair, white loose sweater billowing in the wind, watching her run through the courtyard, through a small patch of deserted wild slope—like a flag running toward freedom, running toward his car.
Sun Xi strode after her.
Yu Jiuqi got in the car, immediately starting it. But the county town entrance didn’t have enough streetlights, surrounding traffic and foot traffic were also mixed. In her daze, she dodged two cars. Moving forward again, she suddenly saw a person rush in front of the car.
Sun Xi ran to directly in front of the car. Under the night, steadily looking at her.
Had he gone crazy?
Yu Jiuqi’s foot didn’t stop. She knew in just a few seconds, she’d really hit him.
He didn’t dodge.
Xiao Jiu in the car finally couldn’t hold on, bursting into tears.
But almost immediately, she suddenly dodged him, sharply turning.
Fiercely stepping on the accelerator, straight forward—with a thunderous crash, hitting something hard.
…