After leaving Wendu Water Spa, Yu Jiuqi stood at the entrance and scanned around, then went to look by Lesheng Huang’s side door—didn’t see the person she was looking for.

It seemed he’d already left.

Of course he left, Xiao Jiu thought. If it were anyone else, being trampled and neglected like this again and again, being humiliated and abandoned like public execution—no one would stay here. What would be the point of staying?

If I were you, I’d leave too. Not caring about anything, not wanting anyone. No one is worth you wronging yourself like this. Leaving is right, you should leave.

She quickly dialed the phone. The moment it connected she asked: “Did you leave?”

Only after speaking did she hear her voice trembling.

“No.”

Her brows furrowed hard, trying to disperse some of the needle-like pain in her heart.

“Where are you?”

“Upstairs.”

Xiao Jiu glanced at the KTV above, guessing he must be at Lesheng Huang. She lifted her leg to go in when she heard someone call her from behind.

“Xiao Jiu!”

Yu Jiuqi turned around and saw Meng Huihong walking from outside toward Wendu Water Spa, standing on the steps looking at her.

Meng Huihong had been home all afternoon cooking to welcome Third Uncle. She should have just finished and come to pick people up. Sure enough, after seeing Xiao Jiu she asked where she was going—they were about to go home for dinner. She added that Dad was busy and would be home later, so she could drive them all back in one car.

Xiao Jiu’s phone was still at her ear, no concealment, and she didn’t want to conceal it. She said Auntie I’m not going, you all eat, I’m not going, I still have other things to do.

Meng Huihong was momentarily speechless. In her impression, this was the first time Xiao Jiu had refused to participate in a family activity. After a moment of stalemate, she added that today Auntie specially stewed braised old-head fish for you. That old-head fish was fresh today, the last two jin at the big market. Your dad made several phone calls to have someone grab it. The sauce is from your cousin’s brewed soybean paste. Don’t you love it most? There’s half a bottle left, Auntie saved it all for you.

She added, if you don’t come, Auntie’s efforts will be wasted, and this dish will be wasted too.

Yu Jiuqi stood there. The cold air froze her hands until they hurt, but the phone in her hand was scalding. She felt like a cheap puppet on a stage at this moment, being pulled back and forth by strings from two different directions.

Until one side let go.

A low voice without a trace of emotion said on the phone: “You should go. I also have some things, can’t leave now.”

Sun Xi suddenly hung up. The stringed puppet lost balance at once, nearly toppling over.

That meal, Yu Jiuqi ate absent-mindedly. She tried to mobilize energy like before to support the scene, but just couldn’t concentrate. She spoke less and less, her smiles became more and more fake.

When Wen Wen reached across half the table to serve her a spare rib, Xiao Jiu numbly accepted it without saying anything, didn’t even glance at her.

Wen Wen was in a good mood, shouldering the role of atmosphere booster. But the happier she was, the more glaring Xiao Jiu found it.

Drinking until half-drunk, everyone started talking about the past again. Wen Wen and Yu Kaixuan brought up funny stories from when Xiao Jiu was little. Previously at every family dinner this had been her favorite segment. She’d enjoyed the warmth and affection hidden within, never tired of hearing it, and had drawn abundance and energy from it.

But tonight, inexplicably, every sentence felt hypocritical and grating.

She knew it was an irrational emotion at work, like a little devil specifically instigating rebellion whispering in her ear, saying don’t listen, don’t believe, they don’t love the real you, they just enjoy and miss the process of being parents. That child they hold in their palms through memories could be anyone, doesn’t have to be you.

Yu Jiuqi became agitated and anxious until Third Uncle said he wanted ice cream. Only then did she finally find an exit, saying I’ll go downstairs to buy some.

Ge Fan also grabbed his coat, saying let’s go together, and followed Xiao Jiu out.

They walked to the supermarket, bought a bag of various ice creams. On the way back Ge Fan carried the small plastic bag walking on the outside of the road, seeing Xiao Jiu with her head lowered, sullen, step by step deliberately stepping on snow that hadn’t been swept clean.

He suddenly hopped two steps in front of her, blocking her path.

Xiao Jiu nearly bumped into him, stopped hastily, looked up to see his raised eyebrow, smiling, delicate narrow face, guessing he wanted to fool around like before.

In the past they’d often used buying ice cream as an excuse to secretly buy street fried skewers that Meng Huihong absolutely forbade them to eat, eat their fill randomly, then go home.

But she wasn’t in the mood today, so she was frank: “I’m not going. Go yourself if you want.”

Ge Fan looked at her for a while, reached out and vigorously ruffled the top of her head, then his five fingers pressed lightly, pushing back her head.

Xiao Jiu was pushed back a step by him. She smoothed her messed hair and glared at him: “Why are you pushing me?”

He still looked at her, didn’t answer, only said: “If you don’t want to go up, just go home first. I’ll tell them.”

Xiao Jiu looked at Ge Fan with surprise, momentarily not knowing what to say. After hesitating a while, she walked around him and continued forward.

Ge Fan still followed beside her, standing on the outside of the road, didn’t speak.

“Brother,” Xiao Jiu knew tonight’s low mood hadn’t escaped him. Walking with her head lowered, she said, “Do you ever feel like you can’t breathe?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just like that feeling where doing something is wrong but not doing it is also wrong, enduring is wrong but not enduring is even more wrong.”

Ge Fan paused: “You mean at home?”

Xiao Jiu didn’t deny it anymore: “Mm.”

“Yeah.” Ge Fan looked ahead.

“Often?”

“Not much before,” he turned to glance at the person beside him, “more now.”

“Then how come I can’t tell?”

Ge Fan specifically looked at her again: “Can’t tell at all?”

Xiao Jiu shook her head.

He lowered his head and smiled, didn’t speak.

After entering the elevator, both fell silent. Yu Kaixuan’s home was on the top floor. The silence seemed rather long. After a moment, Xiao Jiu looked up and through the elevator’s reflective wall, caught Ge Fan’s gaze looking over.

Ge Fan suddenly said: “I resigned today.”

Xiao Jiu turned her head, eyes questioning.

“Sun Xi finalized the contract with Old Wang today.” He lowered his eyes, staring at Xiao Jiu, “He’s Lesheng Huang’s boss now.”

Xiao Jiu avoided it, blinked: “Today?”

“Actually it was settled long ago.”

The elevator stopped, doors opened. Ge Fan walked out first, saying at the same time: “That day, the day after your incident in Fuman Village, Sun Xi paid the deposit.”

Yu Jiuqi suddenly slowed her steps, recalling the accident that day and the decision made when the accident occurred.

“And it seems like he wants to stay and run it himself.” Ge Fan added.

Xiao Jiu simply stopped walking.

The next morning Yu Jiuqi sent Sun Xi a message asking if he had time to go eat at that barbecue place. Sun Xi said he’d be quite busy today, would contact Xiao Jiu after finishing.

Xiao Jiu didn’t ask what he was busy with, said okay. But until the afternoon when she was about to get off work, Sun Xi still hadn’t replied. Xiao Jiu didn’t urge him either. Just during the waiting intervals, thinking it over, she found a not-so-awkward reason—saying there were business matters she wanted to consult about what investments made money with a financial expert—and called someone she and Sun Xi had known together in the past.

That person was the investor in Sun Xi’s hotel, also his only friend in Beijing—Chen Mulin.

That phone call lasted a full hour and a half. After hanging up, Xiao Jiu stood in the empty ATM booth and smoked a cigarette before taking the initiative to contact Sun Xi again.

[Not done yet?] she asked.

[Almost.] He replied, [If you’re hungry, eat first.]

[I’ll come find you.]

[I really can’t leave right now.]

[It’s fine, I’ll book a private room, sing and wait for you.]

Sun Xi was silent for a while, didn’t ask much, didn’t explain either, directly sent her a room number—411—and replied: [Wait for me there.]

Yu Jiuqi got off work early, took a taxi, said to go to Lesheng Huang. Twenty minutes later, she got out at Lesheng Huang’s main entrance, walked straight in, took the elevator to the fourth floor. Along the way she amazingly didn’t encounter any acquaintances.

Very interesting. Now that she was tired of hiding and concealing, she discovered there actually seemed to be no need to hide in the first place.

Just exiting the elevator, an unfamiliar young man wearing Lesheng Huang’s uniform quickly came over in a few steps, saying: “Miss, follow me, I’ll take you to the room.”

Xiao Jiu looked at him carefully—indeed hadn’t seen him before. Asked his name, he said Lin Hui. Asked when he came, he said first day today. Asked do you know me? He lowered his head, cautiously saying the boss briefly mentioned you.

Then they reached room 411. Lin Hui pushed open the door, stood at the entrance, said Miss please sit for a bit, I’ll bring you some food later. Left a phone number, saying I’m sort of the boss’s assistant, Miss if you need anything you can find me anytime. Nodded, quietly closed the door.

Sun Xi always had his way of selecting and training subordinates. Xiao Jiu had witnessed this when she was in Beijing.

Xiao Jiu looked around this room 411—just a small private room, the smallest room in Lesheng Huang, could only accommodate three or four people. The U-shaped sofa and coffee table occupied more than half the space. The TV screen wasn’t large, no independent bar or dance floor, even the surrounding decorative lights weren’t as luxurious as other rooms.

She sat down, looked up again. That plastic-feeling light ball above her head was identical to those in other rooms, only in this cramped room, it inexplicably seemed enormously huge.

Xiao Jiu felt inspired, turned off those few scattered LED par lights, turned on the light ball switch, watched its gaudy colorful light leap around the room, rotating, rippling in her eyes. Suddenly, for a moment, her heart ached.

She looked at her phone—still quiet. With nothing to do, she lay on the sofa, pillowing a cushion, tilting her head watching the colorful light projected on the wall. Before she knew it, she slowly closed her eyes.

When she woke again, there was someone beside her.

He sat in the gap between Xiao Jiu’s bent legs, occupying a small piece of the sofa, wearing quite formal long-sleeved black shirt, back hunched, seemingly looking down at his phone. His shoulders and back stretched tight under the black shirt, broad and powerful. His hair also seemed groomed, neatly styled with a thin layer of wax.

The light ball was still turning. He was all in black, the mainly gold and red scattered light flickering on him. Up close, it looked like a dance hall under night sky.

“Sun Xi.”

Xiao Jiu’s finger resting beside her leg lightly touched his waist, softly calling him.

Sun Xi turned his head, one hand came over, nimbly grasping that finger, holding it in his hand: “You’re awake.”

“What time is it?”

He only said: “You slept almost an hour.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“How would I dare?” He smiled.

“What’s there not to dare?”

“You have a temper when waking up. Before when I woke you, you’d bite people.”

Xiao Jiu also smiled, yet inexplicably felt bitter: “I really did sleep quite well just now. This light really works.”

Sun Xi didn’t speak, just looked at her.

Yu Jiuqi had called Chen Mulin today, beating around the bush then getting to the bottom of things. Chen Mulin, with absolutely no principles or boundaries, had confessed everything about him thoroughly. Sun Xi knew this.

He couldn’t pretend not to understand what Xiao Jiu meant by that sentence, but didn’t know how to respond. Moreover, he knew very clearly that she came here today not just to ask about the light ball and sleep. More difficult questions awaited him ahead.

Xiao Jiu still lay there, remembering the location he’d sent during that video call, looking at him: “You’ve been sleeping here these past two days, right?”

He lowered his head, his angular face softer in the colorful light: “Yes.”

“How long have you had insomnia?”

His gaze dodged: “Not long.”

Xiao Jiu didn’t press him: “Why did you never tell me?”

“Not that important.”

Yu Jiuqi furrowed her brow. The finger held in his palm exerted slight force, bending, hooking in his palm, hesitating, saying softly: “Sun Xi…”

Sun Xi felt a tickle, restraining it: “Mm.”

“Do you not trust me?”

Sun Xi suddenly looked at her, his gaze much heavier.

Xiao Jiu said again: “Do you think I’m playing you?”

Sun Xi understood what she was talking about, scrutinized her forcefully, didn’t speak.

Xiao Jiu stated directly: “That sentence I said, I was serious.”

He deliberately asked back: “Which sentence?”

Yu Jiuqi withdrew her finger from his palm, propped herself up to sit on the sofa. She wasn’t wearing shoes—probably he’d taken them off after she fell asleep. So she simply moved her legs up too, tucking them under her body. Her whole person leaned in the corner, lifted her head, looked straight at him, and spoke the statement and questioning she’d prepared.

She started: “That day in Fuman Village, the message I had Sister Xue send you, when I said I was willing to leave with you, it was real.”

Then lowered her head slightly, saying with some difficulty: “Although it was somewhat impulsive, sudden, sounds unreliable. Honestly I hadn’t thought through when I’d leave with you, how to leave, where to go—Beijing? Or another city? What I’d do, how to live in the future… If you asked me these questions, frankly, I do need time to plan.”

“But I wasn’t joking.”

She lifted her head again, paused, looking at him: “But why do you doubt me, not trust me? Why, after I said that to you, did you still buy this Lesheng Huang?”

Sun Xi didn’t move, locked onto the frankness in her eyes, knowing her words weren’t finished, waiting.

Xiao Jiu continued, laying out her final card: “And you know, right? I asked Chen Mulin. He said you withdrew half your shares in the hotel. He tried to dissuade you, said your attitude was very firm, also said you told him you wouldn’t go back so soon. Sun Xi, I don’t understand what you’re really thinking. Are you really going to stay here and run this crappy KTV?”

Yu Jiuqi straightened her body. Speaking to this point, she was no longer very calm, staring at him intensely.

Sun Xi knew her questioning had ended, it was his turn to respond. Just now sitting beside her, he’d thought about explaining properly to her. But somehow, when words reached his lips, they always changed flavor.

He sometimes really hated himself like this.

“Can’t I?” He heard his own tone cold and hard.

Xiao Jiu became more anxious: “Of course not. Aren’t you pretty good at business? Stone City’s investment environment—what’s there to develop? You leave Beijing’s hotel to stay here and run a KTV, isn’t that sick?”

He asked keenly: “Is it sick to run a KTV, or sick to stay?”

Xiao Jiu didn’t speak.

Sun Xi said: “I didn’t completely divest from the hotel, just moved some cash out. Besides, this KTV won’t lose money. When I said it’s guaranteed profit before, I’d calculated it.”

Xiao Jiu said: “Then you can hand it over to someone else to operate. You just invest.”

“So what you mean is, I shouldn’t stay, right?”

Xiao Jiu admitted: “Right, I don’t want you staying here.”

“You’re addicted to driving me away, aren’t you?”

“I didn’t drive you away!”

“Then what is it?”

Xiao Jiu suddenly felt she couldn’t explain clearly. Every time this topic came up he was overly sensitive. She wanted to pause first, stop arguing: “Forget it, let’s go eat.”

“Wait.”

But Sun Xi was instantly enraged. Her being so reasonable, as if he really was the unreasonable one. It was always like this—Yu Jiuqi always had ways to make him be the unreasonable person. Then might as well continue being a bastard.

So he suddenly moved over, one leg kneeling on the sofa, blocking her, trapping her in the sofa corner, not letting her leave. Lowering his head he asked: “You just said I don’t trust you, doubt you’re playing me, right?”

Xiao Jiu frowned and looked up at him, said yes.

“Shouldn’t I doubt?” Sun Xi stared at her, “You say you want to be with me, but then on the street you shake off my hand, don’t know me. Shouldn’t I doubt?”

Xiao Jiu felt wronged: “About yesterday I know I did wrong. You must have been very upset. But in Third Uncle’s situation at the time, what could I do? If you blame me for this…”

“I don’t blame you!” He gritted his teeth.

“Then what are you doing?”

Sun Xi pressed his lips tight, breath rough and chaotic, glaring at her fiercely. His heart turned a hundred times. Those pitiful words had already rushed to his throat. He used his last shred of dignity to restrain them.

But Yu Jiuqi, not knowing better, pursued: “What exactly are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking!” Sun Xi, caring about nothing, said fiercely, “I’m thinking what exactly is our relationship now!”

Simply asked directly and loudly: “I just want to know, in your heart, what is our relationship?”

Xiao Jiu was also driven crazy, shouted at him: “What do you say!”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you! Yu Jiuqi, what exactly is our relationship now? What am I to you?”

Xiao Jiu panted with anger, looking up glaring at him. Her meaning: you’re asking when you already know.

Sun Xi understood, yielded one step: “Then can we be seen in public? Can I only be your man who can’t be seen in public?”

“No!”

“Then do you dare go downstairs…”

“I can!” Xiao Jiu almost knelt on the sofa, straightening her body to look at him at eye level, shouting: “Sun Xi, I can! If you want this, if this is important to you, I’ll go downstairs right now. I’ll tell my dad, my mom, tell all of them who you are!”

“Who am I?”

Sun Xi looked at her almost sinisterly: “Who am I?”

Yu Jiuqi instinctively shouted: “You’re my boyfriend!”

Then suddenly, Xiao Jiu choked up, her eyes instantly reddening.

She hadn’t anticipated saying this sentence would have such a huge impact on herself. She’d clearly admitted it in her heart long ago, had already accepted it. But after all these years, after experiencing so much grinding, saying it in this situation—it was like finally spitting out a stubborn illness accumulated over years. Suddenly her whole body felt light, her mind clear.

Then welled up the neglect of herself over the long years, and the guilt toward him. Xiao Jiu thought she might as well make the sentence she owed him clearer, more specific.

He deserved, and was worth being treated this way.

So looking at him, seriously saying word by word: “You’re the boyfriend I want to be with openly.”

The bottom of Sun Xi’s heart felt like it had been punched hard. It even hurt so much he groaned lowly. He heavily lowered his head, used the fastest time to restrain himself. When he looked up again, he was firm and gentle.

He held both hands to her neck, pressed her against the sofa back, leaned over to kiss her—gently, tenderly, stopping appropriately. After kissing for a while, he released her. One hand finely rubbed her slender neck, his gaze already completely hazy, firmly staring at the person before him.

In the small room, that gaudy light ball still rotated. On their bodies and faces flickered mottled, swaying halos of light.

Under the halos, Sun Xi looked at her for a while, feeling this was the moment. He should be patient and speak out his carefully considered thoughts and plans from these past days.

So he asked gently: “Openly?”

“Yes.”

Asked again: “Openly?”

Xiao Jiu didn’t understand: “Don’t you want to?”

“I want it more than you.” His gaze became more serious, “But Jiu, if we want this, we can’t hide away anymore. We’ve hidden before, more than once. The results prove neither of us can hide. We can’t truly be at peace.”

“Then what do we do?”

“Stay.”

Xiao Jiu still didn’t understand: “Stay and make them die of anger one by one?”

Sun Xi lowered his head and smiled.

“Then do you actually want them to accept us?”

He looked up again.

“Is it really impossible?”