Fu Shize’s memory briefly went blank at the mention of that distant name. After a moment, he slowly responded with a soft “Mm.”
The atmosphere in the car suddenly changed.
Yun Li glanced at Fu Shize out of the corner of her eye. His expression hadn’t changed much as he said flatly, “He’s a good person. You’ll probably like this job.”
Something seemed to have triggered him, and his mood noticeably dropped, though his expression remained unchanged. Yun Li looked to both sides and drove into a dead-end road lined with campus trees.
The car stopped at the end of the path.
Lush evergreen trees flanked both sides, their leaves rustling in the wind and blocking out much of the sunlight.
Yun Li stared into his eyes, which were as still as a dead pond. She unbuckled her seatbelt, leaned forward, and hugged him tightly.
She wanted to transfer all her strength to him.
Yun Li regretted bringing up the subject earlier.
Originally, she thought that since she was working at this company, Fu Shize would eventually find out that her team leader was Zhou Tiao.
Rather than keeping it hidden, she thought it better to tell him early on.
If he had any reservations about it, she would change jobs.
Yun Li asked directly, “Should I find another job? I still haven’t turned down some offers.”
“There’s no need,” Fu Shize said, looking down at her. “Zhou Tiao is an old friend of mine. He’s a good person. You’ll enjoy working with him.”
Zhou Tiao was once one of Fu Shize’s closest friends. After the incident with Jiang Yuan, Zhou Tiao, and other teammates tried to contact him many times.
He never replied.
The others could understand why.
He and Jiang Yuan had been in the same class from middle school through university. They were inseparable, always at the top of their class, and as close as brothers.
Everyone thought he couldn’t bear the shock of Jiang Yuan’s death.
It had been a long time.
He belatedly realized that Jiang Yuan had been gone for over three years.
“I should have told you earlier. You had the right to know,” Fu Shize said, his face pale. Yun Li pressed her lips together and shook her head. “You don’t need to tell me what happened in the past. It doesn’t matter whether I know or not.”
Yun Li tightened her grip on his fingers.
She hoped he would never again think of unhappy things.
This time, however, Fu Shize didn’t remain silent as he usually did.
Perhaps his own heart had been in pain for too long.
Perhaps he also wanted to grasp a glimmer of hope to move forward.
“The insomnia is getting worse,” Fu Shize said softly.
Because he had been dreaming of Jiang Yuan frequently lately.
Chen Jinping’s birthday was approaching, which meant Jiang Yuan’s birthday was coming up too.
Even after more than three years, Fu Shize still felt that person should be alive.
When Fu Shize went to Xi’an University of Science and Technology with Jiang Yuan, he thought it was the beginning of their youthful dreams, and everything seemed to develop as expected.
In the second semester of their freshman year, Jiang Yuan suggested participating in a drone competition, and they formed a team with their roommates.
The young men were full of vigor and stood out from the crowd.
When choosing a team name, they all thought of the word “Unique” without prior discussion.
That time, after eating barbecue in the back street, Fu Shize looked up at the half-moon in the sky and decided on their team logo.
Without seeking guidance from professors, the group stayed up late for a month, often leaving the office in darkness.
But they never felt it was hard work back then.
They were all new adults, plus fifteen-year-old Fu Shize, determined to win first place nationally.
Gradually, they saw the drone take shape, the algorithms becoming more refined. After countless test flights, when it finally flew shakily into the air, they cheered in the office.
They pushed each other out onto the grass.
Fu Shize stood steady, maneuvering the drone as it zipped through the air, eventually becoming a tiny dot. He tilted his head back, running after the drone with the others cheering behind him.
They won first prize.
When the winners were announced, Fu Shize had intended to remain calm, but caught up in the excitement of the others, he couldn’t help but smile.
They won more than just one first prize.
From the most ordinary competitions to international ones.
Participating in competitions every year became their unspoken agreement.
Until Jiang Yuan’s suicide.
From childhood, Jiang Yuan had always been gentle, often playing the role of listener in groups.
Jiang Yuan never said what he wanted.
But they had promised to tell each other everything.
Days were all the same for Fu Shize. From a young age, he attended school and cram schools diligently, spending his free time playing or causing mischief with Jiang Yuan.
Even until his doctoral studies, his days didn’t change much.
The two would spend their days in their respective labs, hanging out on the corridor railings to chat when tired, calling each other for meals, getting up early, and returning late together.
Fu Shize couldn’t remember when they started to drift apart.
Shi Xiangzhe focused on cultivating him, and he became increasingly busy. When Jiang Yuan called, he often couldn’t spare the time.
He just had a vague impression that after finally revising and submitting an article, he breathed a sigh of relief and invited Jiang Yuan to sit in the downstairs café.
Fu Shize had been up for several nights and was exhausted. He smiled wearily, “Finally submitted it.”
“…”
Jiang Yuan looked at him without his usual gentle smile. His expression seemed lost and confused as he said, “I went to the hospital. The doctor said I have severe depression and anxiety.”
Fu Shize didn’t have a clear concept of these two terms. He glanced at Jiang Yuan, hesitating, “Should I look it up first?”
Jiang Yuan nodded.
The more Fu Shize researched, the more uneasy he felt.
How could someone like Jiang Yuan, who always smiled when they were together and often comforted and reassured him, possibly have depression and anxiety?
Fu Shize asked rationally, “Did the doctor prescribe medication?”
“Several kinds,” Jiang Yuan said, taking out medicine boxes from his bag. Fu Shize felt very uncomfortable and put the medicines back in the box. “It’s okay, just follow the doctor’s instructions.”
Jiang Yuan made a sound of agreement.
“Did anything happen recently?” Fu Shize asked.
“Nothing happened. Maybe it’s because of the pressure of submitting papers,” Jiang Yuan explained.
Fu Shize frowned, asking for confirmation, “Is that the truth?”
Jiang Yuan nodded.
“Do you feel unwell?” Fu Shize continued to ask, not doubting his words.
Jiang Yuan finally smiled a little. “It doesn’t seem to feel like anything.” He suddenly remembered and pushed the cake on the table towards Fu Shize.
“Hurry up and eat. Didn’t you just submit a paper? Let’s celebrate a bit.”
Fu Shize didn’t think anything was unusual. After Jiang Yuan’s diagnosis, he made a conscious effort to eat with him every day. Jiang Yuan still smiled and chatted with him as usual.
Until that day when Jiang Yuan’s mother called him, saying Jiang Yuan had cut his wrists in the dormitory.
Fu Shize’s mind went completely blank at that moment. He ran downstairs and rode his scooter to the dormitory building, where police cars and ambulances were surrounded by many students.
There were many people at Jiang Yuan’s door – the counselor, the dorm manager, security guards, and doctors.
He stood frozen in place, his legs seemingly not his own, as he moved to the dormitory door.
Jiang Yuan sat on the bed, his face pale, as the doctor was bandaging his wrists.
Seeing Fu Shize, he lowered his eyes coldly, seemingly not wanting any contact. Fu Shize walked to his side, his tone extremely distressed: “Brother…”
Hearing this address, Jiang Yuan showed a slight reaction and said bitterly, “I’m sorry.”
Due to drowsiness from the medication and coinciding with the time for paper submission, he had stopped taking his medicine without telling anyone.
This time, the cut wasn’t deep, just a shallow wound, so he wasn’t sent to the hospital.
Fearing another incident, the school required Jiang Yuan to take a leave of absence.
Jiang Yuan refused and even threatened to cut his wrists again.
His parents pleaded desperately, and Fu Shize also sought help from Fu Dongsheng and Chen Jinping before he was allowed to continue his studies.
Jiang Yuan’s parents entrusted Fu Shize to watch him take his medicine every day.
Jiang Yuan became very negative and rarely smiled anymore.
He often entered a dazed state, and Fu Shize had to call him several times before he would respond.
After taking medication for a while, Jiang Yuan would return to normal, and his interactions with Fu Shize would be as before.
Fu Shize asked him several times about the cause of his depression, but Jiang Yuan always said it was due to the pressure of graduation.
After spending two months staying up late, Fu Shize rushed out a paper. During a meal, he proactively mentioned to Jiang Yuan, “I have a paper that’s been written and edited. It should be accepted by a Q1 journal. The algorithm was your idea, so I plan to put your name as the first author and list your supervisor as the corresponding author. Professor Shi has agreed.”
Jiang Yuan knew that Fu Shize was willing to give his work to him.
And he said it so tactfully.
He felt it was ironic and slowly stopped eating.
As they fell into silence, he looked up at Fu Shize and said, “Ah Ze, there’s no need.”
“I can do it myself,” Jiang Yuan smiled. “Don’t worry about me. You should get more sleep.”
At that time, Fu Shize didn’t notice anything unusual in his tone and thought he was showing his usual concern.
Jiang Yuan was his parents’ only child.
During their time in Nanwu, Fu Shize had visited Jiang Yuan’s home many times, and the elderly couple treated him like their own son.
Fu Shize would call them every day to report on Jiang Yuan’s condition.
He did these things not because of his parents’ request.
Since childhood, Fu Shize would write in his essays and diaries that he had an older brother.
Even without a blood relation, Jiang Yuan had become his true family.
He didn’t want anything to happen to his brother.
He was also very afraid of something happening to his brother.
Every day at the appointed time, Fu Shize would walk to Jiang Yuan’s lab and knock on the door.
He always saw the same scene: a Unique jacket hanging on the chair, and on the desk, a drone from their first competition.
Sometimes Fu Shize would go in, sometimes he would just stand at the door and call out, “Brother.”
When Jiang Yuan was in a good mood, he would smile helplessly at him, toss up the medicine, catch it, and drink water, showing Fu Shize his empty palm, teasing, “I’ve already taken it~”
When he was in a bad mood, he would silently put it in his mouth.
Fu Shize indeed watched closely.
He didn’t miss a single time.
Jiang Yuan slowly returned to normal, though he would often say negative things to him.
The relationship between the two changed. When they were young, Jiang Yuan would comfort Fu Shize. As they grew up, it became Fu Shize comforting Jiang Yuan.
That year on Fu Shize’s birthday, following their custom, Jiang Yuan went to the maple forest on North Mountain.
At that time, Fu Shize’s grandmother was still alive. Fu Shize pushed the elderly woman in a wheelchair outside.
Jiang Yuan lit sparklers in the yard and handed them to the old lady.
The grandmother’s hands couldn’t hold the sparklers steady, but she was still very happy. She grinned and spoke haltingly, “Yuan Yuan is better behaved than Ze Ze.”
Fu Shize didn’t pay much attention to these words.
It didn’t matter to him who was better behaved between him and Jiang Yuan. He had been with Jiang Yuan since childhood and never had the thought of comparing themselves. What he liked most was participating in competitions together and winning awards together.
He thought Jiang Yuan felt the same way.
On that final day.
Jiang Yuan knocked on his laboratory door.
Fu Shize was experimenting at the time. He swiftly opened the door, and Jiang Yuan asked with a smile, “Do you have time?”
“I’m experimenting. Want to come in?” Fu Shize stepped aside.
Jiang Yuan made a sound of agreement and followed him inside.
“I brought you some milk tea,” Jiang Yuan said, placing the drink on the table.
Fu Shize had been staying up late for this project and only responded with a tired “Mm.”
Jiang Yuan leaned against the workbench, silently watching Fu Shize.
Assembling robots, adjusting code, operating – the whole process was orderly as if he was born for this place.
Fu Shize focused intently on a small component of the robot and said, “After I adjust it, you can try it.”
“…”
Jiang Yuan didn’t respond.
Fu Shize looked up and saw that Jiang Yuan had brought the drone from his desk and was fiddling with it in his hands.
Jiang Yuan touched the U-shaped letter on the drone and smiled, “The first time we participated in this kind of competition, I never thought we could win first place.”
“I can remember when we went on stage to receive the award, there were camera flashes everywhere. That first time we won a prize was truly the happiest moment of my life.” Jiang Yuan tilted his head back. “It was so easy to be content back then. Do you remember the day that old drone finally flew? Zhou Tiao almost climbed a tree, and he ran so fast that a branch tore a big hole in his pants.”
“Ask Zhou Tiao what he thinks about it,” Fu Shize chuckled, also remembering those times.
“Zhou Tiao is about to graduate, right? I heard he got an offer from a drone giant, with a very high salary,” Jiang Yuan murmured.
“Mm.” Fu Shize had just fitted the last component and stood up straight. “Now it’s just you and me left in Unique.”
The rest had all graduated with their master’s degrees.
Jiang Yuan’s expression darkened slightly. “Are we still competing this year?”
“Why don’t you lead the team this year?” Fu Shize had too many things to do and didn’t have enough energy and time to be the team captain.
“I can’t,” Jiang Yuan refused. “Without your help during this time, I’ve realized that my abilities alone are far behind others.”
He smiled bitterly, “I feel so much pressure. Ah Ze, I feel like this high pressure is almost crushing me.”
“…”
“What’s wrong?” Fu Shize frowned and asked, “Didn’t you say you were fine last time?”
At that moment, Jiang Yuan’s expression was calm, but his eyes were filled with extreme weariness. After a moment, he slowly made a sound of agreement.
“It’s fine, but I want to be better,” Jiang Yuan’s tone was as usual, just like before. “Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off now if I hadn’t met you.”
“…”
Fu Shize didn’t take these hurtful words to heart and remained silent.
“Sometimes I’m quite envious of you. You have everything,” Jiang Yuan said with a smile, though his tone didn’t carry any uncomfortable implications.
Fu Shize operated the controller, and the robot moved slightly. He handed the controller to Jiang Yuan, trying to break the gloomy atmosphere.
Jiang Yuan shook his head, “No, I shouldn’t touch these things.”
His smile was tinged with bitterness, “If you’ve never flown too high, you can accept a lifetime of mediocrity.”
Jiang Yuan was his best friend, and Fu Shize had never harbored any complaints or emotions about his constant negative output. He calmly said, “Don’t think about those things. Most of the awards I’ve won were with you.”
Fu Shize pointed to the trophies in the cabinet, “We won as a whole team, not just Fu Shize alone, and not just Jiang Yuan alone.”
Jiang Yuan stared at the drone in his hands. After about thirty seconds, he made a sound of agreement.
“Put the drone back carefully, there’s only one,” Fu Shize said, trying to lighten their heavy mood. He looked at Jiang Yuan, “Want to play basketball tomorrow?”
Jiang Yuan smiled, “Forget it, I’m a bit tired.”
Fu Shize replied, “Alright, let me know when you want to play.”
“I’ll be going then,” Jiang Yuan said goodbye and walked out, looking down at the drone as he played with it.
Fu Shize watched that tall, thin figure disappear into the dark corridor and called out, “Jiang Yuan.”
The other turned back to look at him.
“My experiment will run late today. What time are you heading back?” Fu Shize paused for a few seconds and continued, “Let’s go back together.”
“I don’t know,” Jiang Yuan shook his head.
This kind of conversation wasn’t the first time it had occurred between them.
Fu Shize also thought it was just an ordinary exchange.
Fu Shize lost track of time in the lab. When he heard the sound of rain, he looked out the window. Dark clouds obscured the moon, and the night was clamorous.
He adjusted the robot’s algorithm and operated it again with the controller. The robot moved smoothly and fluidly.
Suddenly, there was an extremely heavy “bang.”
Fu Shize glanced at the door but paid no attention, continuing to operate the robot. He was thinking about trying out the confrontation effect with Jiang Yuan tomorrow, after all, it was a research concept they had come up with long ago.
The soundproofing in the experimental building wasn’t good.
He heard screams.
He heard panicked footsteps in the corridor.
He heard someone calling for the police and an ambulance.
Finally, he heard someone calling Jiang Yuan’s name.
Fu Shize’s hand froze on the control panel. He ran out unsteadily, the whole world’s image shaking. Rain poured in diagonally, wetting the corridor.
He remembered Jiang Yuan’s wrist-cutting incident from long ago, and how relieved he had been then.
He thought Jiang Yuan didn’t want to leave this world.
This world had his family.
He wouldn’t leave.
When he reached the first floor, Fu Shize walked into the rain, approaching the shadow on the ground. Until that moment, he had been thinking it couldn’t be Jiang Yuan.
He just needed to look at the person’s face to know it wasn’t Jiang Yuan.
He couldn’t accept it.
This became Fu Shize’s most painful memory.
On that night, no different from any other, thunder and heavy rain, leaves rustling loudly, rain washing the earth. He felt the rain hitting his body, remembering the rains they had been caught in together, the scoldings they had endured together.
That brother of his, his good friend.
Just like that, in front of him.
“Brother.”
The rain swallowed Fu Shize’s voice.
“Jiang Yuan.”
The cold rain beat down on him and on Jiang Yuan.
The blood had been washed away.
Fu Shize, like a walking corpse, took off his thin jacket and covered Jiang Yuan’s body.
His body was still trembling slightly.
His body still had warmth.
Fu Shize told him again and again.
“Jiang Yuan.”
“Stay awake.”
“Don’t close your eyes.”
Umbrellas of different colors surrounded them, like flowers blooming in the rain, silently accepting the downpour.
He was too.
Jiang Yuan lay on the cement ground, no longer with that smiling look in his eyes.
Instead, it was cold and emotionless.
…
Fu Dongsheng and Chen Jinping rushed to the hospital as soon as they received the news.
In the hospital corridor, Fu Shize sat on a chair.
He was soaked through, water stains all around him, the cold light reflecting off his extremely pale face.
Fu Dongsheng quickly took off his coat, removed Fu Shize’s wet clothes on the spot, and put his coat on him.
He was like a puppet, allowing others to manipulate him.
The emergency light went out, and the doctor came out shaking his head regretfully.
Fu Shize seemed not to understand. He grabbed Fu Dongsheng’s arm and spoke without reason: “Can you save him?”
His words trembled: “Don’t you know many professors from medical schools?”
“Dad, Mom, can you save him?”
Even if he became a vegetable, even if he lost his limbs.
Any result would do, just don’t let him die.
He’s my only brother.
Don’t let him die.
He knew it was impossible.
He had received a good scientific education. He knew that all his questions at this moment were just helpless struggles.
But he still asked them repeatedly.
…
The police found discarded pills in the drawer of Jiang Yuan’s workstation, which he had kept in a jar.
It turned out Jiang Yuan himself hadn’t swallowed the pills.
On the desk, the drone was pressing down on a note, in Jiang Yuan’s handwriting.
[Personal behavior, unrelated to others.]
Jiang Yuan’s parents didn’t see him for the last time.
When the two arrived at the hospital after getting off the plane, Jiang Yuan had already been moved to the morgue.