Though the bedding and pillows were her own usual ones, Xie Yuzhang did not sleep well that night. The next morning she burrowed back under the covers and refused to get up.
Her maids were at a loss. One said loudly: “We clearly can’t manage this ourselves — quick, send someone over to Xuanping Ward to fetch someone here!”
Xie Yuzhang, furious, flung back the covers and sat up: “All right, I am up! I am up!”
The maids laughed and helped her rise with cheerful efficiency, saying: “Today you must go to the palace to pay your respects in gratitude — Your Highness, please dress especially nicely.”
Xie Yuzhang said: “Never mind, there is no need to make a grand display. Whatever we normally wear is fine.”
She added: “We have been away from the capital for eight years. The styles we wore back then have long since gone out of fashion, and there is no need to chase after others’ fashions. If we try to learn in a hurry, we will only do it poorly and invite ridicule. The clothes we had tailored on the steppe are perfectly good. Those cut with a left-side overlap — sort them out and set them aside. Everything right-side overlap can be kept.”
Central Plains clothing crossed right over left, while foreign garments crossed left over right — and left-overlapping garments in the Central Plains were only used for burial shrouds.
The maids complied and selected right-overlapping garments for Xie Yuzhang. Though the tailoring details were somewhat different from what the people of Yunjing currently wore, they could not be called foreign garments.
Xie Yuzhang rode on horseback as before. When she arrived at the palace gate, she presented her tablet.
Though she bore the title of princess, she was of a different surname from the imperial family, and in the end she was unlike those of the emperor’s own blood. To all intents and purposes, she was simply an external noble lady of over-standard rank.
But the palace gate had already received instructions in advance. There was no need to wait — she was admitted at once: “Your Highness, please proceed.”
Xie Yuzhang paused for a moment, then stepped once more into the palace city.
Out of respect, she had come early, and the morning court had not yet been dismissed.
Fu Chun’s adopted son Liang Chen had been waiting especially for her. Upon learning of her arrival, he came out to welcome her and settled her in the side hall of the Zichen Palace. He had tea and pastries brought: “Your Highness, please be patient.”
Xie Yuzhang was familiar with the emperor’s working routine. If there were important matters, the officials would raise them at the morning court and the emperor would deliberate with them together. Once the discussion was concluded, court would be dismissed. If there were no important matters, court could be dismissed directly.
After court was dismissed, the emperor would return to the Zichen Palace. The front hall was where daily affairs of state were handled; the back was the emperor’s personal living quarters.
When the emperor returned to the Zichen Palace after court, he still had to deal with various memorials and also receive officials who came to report and consult.
Who could say how long the wait might be — and the other day, Li Gu had… grown angry.
Xie Yuzhang nodded: “Go about your duties.”
She had already prepared herself for a long wait. Unexpectedly, her ears caught what seemed to be the sound of Li Gu returning from court, and not long after, Fu Chun himself came in person: “His Majesty summons you.”
Xie Yuzhang set down her teacup and followed him. She had hoped to glean a few hints from Fu Chun, but today Fu Chun’s expression as he looked at her was unusually complex, and the look in his eyes was difficult to read. Xie Yuzhang could not decipher it, and within the Zichen Palace she dared not act out of bounds — she had no choice but to follow him with propriety and composure.
She stepped into the front hall to find a stack of memorials piled on the sandalwood long case. Li Gu’s brows were lowered, eyes cast downward, as he concentrated on reviewing and annotating them.
In her former life, she had not had the standing to enter this Zichen front hall. Counting both lives, this was actually the first time Xie Yuzhang had ever seen Li Gu at work over documents. She found it rather novel, and could not help but look a moment longer.
Li Gu’s brush paused. He raised his eyes.
Xie Yuzhang hurriedly paid her respects: “This subject pays her respects to Your Majesty.”
In this lifetime, with a proper identity, things were truly far better than the previous life. The first and most notable difference was that she was not obliged to kneel before everyone she encountered.
Formal prostration was reserved for official occasions and specific circumstances. In daily life between the emperor, empress, and their subjects, one did not bow to the ground at every single meeting. But in her former life, Xie Yuzhang had been nothing more than a daughter of the Xiaoyao Marquis household, with no honorary title of her own. Zhang Fen had moreover given special orders regarding her, requiring her to come to the palace to pay her respects once every ten days, and to prostrate herself fully on every visit.
Zhang Fen was a person who most relished using power and status to grind others underfoot, and she treated Xie Yuzhang, a princess of the former dynasty, with particular cruelty.
Lin Fei had instructed her maidservants to sew thick padded knee guards and bind them inside her trousers. Even so, her knees would come away bruised and red after every visit. It was also that her skin was too delicate, unable to bear even a little force.
Li Gu dipped the tip of his brush in the ink and, with eyes still lowered, said: “You came early.”
Xie Yuzhang replied with respectful deference, head bowed: “This subject has come to give thanks for the imperial grace — how could she dare be remiss? The golden seal and jade册册 册册册册册册册册册册 册册册册册册册册 册 册册册 册 册册 册册册册 册册册册 册册 册册册册册册册册册册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册 册册
She then continued smoothly: “…册册册册册册册册 The golden imperial seal and jade scroll册册册册册 have already been enshrined in the residence. Your Majesty is a true gentleman in conduct — what was promised to Yongning has been delivered upon. The depth of Your Majesty’s grace, Yongning has inscribed upon her heart, and shall never dare forget it.”
He spoke words that were always so beautifully crafted. Thinking carefully back — in the Taiji Hall of that year, she had not yet turned fourteen, yet she had already been able to speak such perfectly composed and diplomatic phrases in front of the Mobei delegation.
This was perhaps an innate gift.
For a woman — what a pity. She ought to have been born a man and gone into officialdom, where she would have been completely in her element.
The emperor fixed his gaze on her without speaking.
Xie Yuzhang held out for a while, but felt this approach was going nowhere, and at last raised her head to look at him.
Over these years, Xie Yuzhang had honed herself into someone exceptionally skilled at reading people and reading situations. What she most disliked was precisely Li Gu’s kind of person — one who “revealed neither joy nor anger on his face.” Nothing could be read from him at all.
Only those lacquer-bright eyes of his held something rather commanding in their gaze.
But Xie Yuzhang was not afraid.
In her former life, in circumstances far worse than these, she had still harbored a thread of something to rely on, and had dared to refuse him with silence. In this life… she was even less afraid.
Li Gu was, in the end, different from the men of the steppe.
The men of the steppe were all wolves. Li Gu… he was a man.
Li Gu stared at Xie Yuzhang and recalled what had happened in the warm side chamber two days before —
She had led the conversation step by step, guiding it to that point. At the moment when he had completely misunderstood her meaning, she made clear her intention not to come to his side.
She had said: I know Your Majesty’s feelings toward me. Had Your Majesty’s great army not marched north, Yuzhang perhaps would never have had the chance to see Yunjing again. The depth of Your Majesty’s grace toward me is immeasurable, and all I have to repay it with is this broken self. If Your Majesty wishes it, Yuzhang will attend to Your Majesty here today — only this once. After we leave this warm chamber, I ask that Your Majesty release Yuzhang, and allow Yuzhang to live her own life steadily under the name of Yongning. In this way, it would not be unworthy of the name “Yongning” Your Majesty has granted me.
As she said this, she lowered her eyes and reached for the ties of her own garments.
In that moment, Li Gu had felt with piercing clarity what it meant to be “served in exchange for favor.” Her body was a tool she used to achieve her ends, a means of survival. She — having already come back — how could she still be this way!
And he had been seen as a petty schemer leveraging his benefaction to extract repayment!
Li Gu had been overcome with shock and fury in that moment; the intensity of his emotion was something he had rarely experienced in recent years. Driven by the force of it, without pausing to think, he had leaned forward and stretched out his arm across the table, pressing down on Xie Yuzhang’s hand to stop her.
But in fact, afterward, when he walked out of the warm chamber and the cold wind off the frozen pond struck him, he understood her strategy of deliberate retreat to force advance.
She had never truly wished to “attend to him for once.”
She had simply been forcing him to be a gentleman.
So although he had not told Li Weifeng about this passage, he had said to him, “She is calculating me.”
Now, watching Xie Yuzhang’s unruffled composure in the Zichen front hall, Li Gu felt ever more strongly that she possessed the gifts of an official. Cunning — and most infuriating.
He lowered his eyes and returned to reading the memorial before him. He asked: “Have you gone to pay your respects to the Noble Consort?”
Xie Yuzhang replied: “I intended to go after offering my thanks.”
Li Gu let out an affirmative sound and said: “You were originally acquainted with her. When trouble came in Hexi, she endured a great deal. The other day when she saw you, an old friend, she was very pleased. I hope you will treat her as you did before — in the future, when you have nothing pressing, come to the palace more often to see her.”
“As before” — what did that mean?
Xie Yuzhang thought back to her brief interactions with Li Zhenzhen in Hexi in this lifetime. At that time, Li Zhenzhen had still been the forthright and capable elder sister figure among the Twelve Tigers of Hexi. Xie Yuzhang, grateful for Li Zhenzhen’s protection of her in a previous life, had felt very close to her, had called her “Elder Sister Li” in every sentence, and had appeared very warm and affectionate.
But in this life, everything had already completely changed.
Li Zhenzhen was only one step away from the empress’s position. At such a distance, no woman could resist the allure of that seat. And Li Zhenzhen, at that, was a person who had experienced the agony of falling from a great height.
Xie Yuzhang understood her thoroughly. The feeling of falling and then having everyone come to trample on you — that was truly something that bred bitter hatred. Only, in her former life, Xie Yuzhang had lacked the power to indulge in hatred, and could only grow numb. If she were to say so herself, had she been given a chance to reach the pinnacle in her former life, it was hard to say whether she could have restrained herself from reaching out to grasp it.
In this life, having experienced the pain of falling, Li Zhenzhen had been raised back up by Li Gu. By rights, she should have lost the contest for the empress’s seat, but now each person’s life trajectory had already changed.
Zhang Fen’s defeat had obviously emboldened her. With no empress above, she naturally could not tolerate any woman stepping on her head. Yet her relationship with Li Gu was not that of a true married couple, while Noble Consort Deng and Noble Consort Cui both had imperial sons, raising their status through the merit of their children.
When Li Zhenzhen had seen her, what she had let show was completely the excitement of someone who had acquired a very useful weapon. Xie Yuzhang truly had very little desire to engage with her further.
But Xie Yuzhang now could only lower her head and say: “Yes. I will go at once to pay my respects to the Noble Consort.” And with that, she made to withdraw.
“Wait.” Li Gu, without lifting his brows or raising his eyes, said: “I am seeing a few people shortly. They will be waiting in the side hall — you would hardly want to be crammed in the side hall with a crowd of men, would you?”
So she had been petty and presumptuous.
Watching Li Gu’s expression of suppressed irritation, Xie Yuzhang felt a faint dampness on her brow. With proper deference she said: “Your command. This subject will go over at once.”
The front hall had a connecting door leading to the back hall. Xie Yuzhang knew these rooms so well she had no need of anyone to guide her — she had been born and raised here. She followed Fu Chun through that door without a second thought and went through to the back.
Back in the front hall, Fu Chun’s adopted son Liang Chen ground the vermilion ink quietly, not daring to make a sound.
Yet he watched helplessly as the emperor raised his brush several times, each time failing to bring it down.
In the end, a memorial was slapped down onto the long case.
The emperor said in fury: “Who wrote this? Send him back to practice his penmanship!”
—