But Hengtang was so far away, separated by a thousand li of winding roads. Things left undone would remain undone after marriage – did she truly wish to leave the Xie family and leave Youzhou like this?
Baoxian remained silent, turning to the eaves to instruct that all washing implements be removed from the room. Matron Tao brought sweet bean soup from the small kitchen, saying, “Young Miss, please have some to relieve the summer heat. You’ve been rushing about these past few days and encountered that bandit incident. I fear your body won’t hold up. Tomorrow is the sixth day – Young Miss, please don’t go to the temple. I’ll take two people to watch over things for you. Rest well tomorrow, and go again the day after on the proper date. The Madame understands your filial piety and sympathizes with your difficulties. She certainly won’t blame you.”
Qingyuan hesitated. Truth be told, regarding her health, she had indeed been extremely exhausted these past two days. She felt like a taut string stretched to its limit, liable to snap at any moment. But she had already been managing things for so many days, and today she hadn’t been able to go due to traveling on the road. She worried the temple supervisor and nuns would be negligent, and all the merit accumulated over the past few days would be wasted.
However, Matron Tao consoled her, saying that as long as her heart was sincere if the temple people cut corners, they would only harm their karmic merit – they wouldn’t dare be lazy about this.
Qingyuan said hesitantly, “But you’ve also been laboring these past few days. How can I send you again?”
Matron Tao laughed, “We are just rough servants. When doing our duties, who shows consideration for our fatigue? There are far more taxing matters than this – how could Young Miss worry about tiring us out! I think last night’s incident was quite frightening. If Young Miss goes again and there are still some bandits not yet eliminated, what if they rob us again on the way? We servants’ lives are cheap – if the bandits don’t see the Young Miss, they won’t even bother killing us. Better let us go, and the day after tomorrow, have the Old Madame assign more people when Young Miss goes personally.”
Qingyuan considered this. Tonight the Old Madame’s garden was already locked, so there was no way to request more people. What Matron Tao said made sense, so she nodded and said, “Then I’ll trouble you, Matron, to stand in for me for one day.”
After Matron Tao left with her orders, Chuntai led people to clear away all the items arranged in the room. Qingyuan changed clothes and reclined on the couch. Suddenly she remembered to instruct Baoxian: “Earlier the Madame only agreed to allocate thirty taels of silver from the public funds. We’ll add twenty taels – you deliver it for me tomorrow. I feel guilty in my heart; if they hadn’t followed me, they wouldn’t have died.”
Baoxian sat on the edge of the couch fanning her. Though she agreed, she also consoled her, “This sin was not created by Young Miss – you need not take it to heart.” After a pause, she asked again, “Actually, when Young Miss agreed to the Third Young Master earlier, you had other intentions, didn’t you?”
Qingyuan made a sound and revealed a slightly surprised smile. “You’re quite clever – you saw through it?”
Baoxian waved the round fan and said, “At such an uncertain time, Second Young Miss is the most anxious. The more anxious she is, the more likely she is to show her hand, and the more likely she is to harbor harmful intentions. Isn’t this what Young Miss was waiting for?”
Qingyuan laughed, “You’ve truly been by my side for so long – you know everything I’m thinking. But Third Young Master… I knew it couldn’t work out with him, yet I still agreed. It weighs heavily on my conscience.”
Baoxian’s gaze fell on the small boshan incense burner on the table. The blue smoke drifted aimlessly, dispersing with a gust of wind. After watching for a while, she looked at Qingyuan again. “The question Chuntai just asked you – I also wanted to ask Young Miss once. What if the Third Young Master convinces the Marchioness? What does Young Miss plan to do?”
Qingyuan said, “A bowl, once cracked, is cracked. Though it can be mended and still used, its appearance is marred and becomes worthless. I’ve thought about it – people aren’t bowls and aren’t bound by such things. If he manages it, I’ll do my best to please the Marchioness. As for how others view me, I have no control over that, nor do I care.”
“What about Commander Shen?” Baoxian asked abruptly. “If you anger him later, I fear even the Third Young Master will be harmed.”
Qingyuan was stunned, unable to speak. She didn’t know how she had suddenly fallen into such a strange circle – anything involving Shen Run made her hesitate to act. He was truly too peculiar. Like everyone else in the Xie family, she feared him, but mixed into this fear was something else. Gradually, just mentioning him made her heart jump and her ears burn. Perhaps it was because of his ambiguous words and actions, affecting her like poison… or medicine!
Seeing her lost in thought, Baoxian gently pushed her and asked, “Does Young Miss like Commander Shen?”
Qingyuan almost laughed, “Why would I like him?” But after saying this, her heart shuddered. She wearily covered her eyes with her hand and said in a muffled voice, “I am somewhat afraid of him, but though this person is strange, his character isn’t too bad. Yesterday he even treated me to the Dianqian Si’s meals – a bowl of porridge and a large white steamed bun.”
Baoxian exclaimed, “While we were locked in that pitch-dark room, forget steamed buns and porridge – we didn’t even have a pot of tea!” Then she snickered, “How is Young Miss only thinking about food? A bowl of porridge and a large white steamed bun – has he bought you over with just that?”
Qingyuan said it wasn’t so. “I just feel this person isn’t bad. Someone who can offer help in times of need and food when hungry – how bad could they be?”
A drop of kindness should be repaid with a gushing spring. Shen Run had saved her life – but how should such a debt of gratitude be repaid?
She chatted idly with Baoxian, not knowing when she fell asleep during their conversation.
The next day, hearing Chuntai calling “Young Miss” outside the window, Qingyuan responded hazily. The window paper had already taken on a crab-shell green tint – it was time again to pay respects to the Old Madame.
Struggling to sit up, she still had her eyes closed while Chuntai helped her wash up. Only after changing clothes did she barely muster her spirits, treading on the first ray of morning sunlight toward the main house. After a night’s rest, the Old Madame appeared vigorous again – speaking of the constitution, she was better than young people. Qingyuan had once heard Madame Jiang and Madame Pei complain, “This Old Madame will live to ninety without issue. By then she’ll still be fine, while her children will have been worn to death by her first.” Indeed, longevity brings many insults – those who show you the utmost respect to your face may well disparage you behind your back.
Now paying respects in Youzhou was not like in Hengtang. The courtyards in Jiangnan were exquisite, with delicate buildings. Youzhou was generous in every way – the main house was very spacious and could accommodate the whole family. Thus, except for Second Master who couldn’t get up after revelry the previous night, everyone else had come.
They still paid respects in order of age – first the Third Master, then the Madames, and after the young masters of the Zheng generation had finished their courtesies, Zhenglun smiled and said, “Last night Chunzhi came to find me and talked at length. I hear he proposed to Fourth Sister?”
Qingyuan was embarrassed and said nothing, while beside her, Qingru’s eyes were rolling in disdain. Qingrong, who relied on the Madame’s favor and hated Qingyuan because of the old generation’s grudges, naturally sided with Qingru. She sneered with a curl of her lip, “The brothers didn’t see it, but Fourth Sister was quite imposing yesterday. The young Marquis did propose, but since the Marquis’s household doesn’t agree, wasn’t it all for nothing?”
Zhenglun said, “That’s not necessarily true. He already rushed back to Hengtang by fast horse this morning. Wait a while longer – perhaps by then he can invite the Marchioness to come to Youzhou to handle matters.”
These words were very displeasing to Qingru’s ears. As if pricked by a needle, she said sharply, “Second Brother is truly strange. Since you’re such close friends with the young Marquis, why do you need to come verify his words with Grandmother? He left, so he left – does he still need to notify Fourth Sister? Since when did Second Brother become so close with Fourth Sister?”
Zhenglun was suddenly attacked without rhyme or reason and felt quite displeased. This sister had always been domineering, and his wife often spoke ill of her behind her back. Moreover, the shame she had brought upon herself at the Commander’s mansion recently made people look down on her. He made a questioning sound and said, “What’s wrong with Second Sister? I was just making casual conversation with Grandmother – how does that interfere with you? Even if I specifically informed Fourth Sister, isn’t that only natural? We’re all siblings – what’s wrong with being close? Second Sister, why are you so unhappy about it? Speaking with such hostility while the Madame is present – don’t lose the dignity of a young lady.”
Qingru was currently burning with jealous fire, and no one could reason with her. She resented Zhenglun – why did he have to meddle and inform Li Congxin? If he hadn’t leaked the news, how would the young Marquis have gone to the Dianqian Si to find people? How would he have personally escorted Qingyuan back? Without these coincidences, there would have been no way to discuss marriage. So everything was Zhenglun’s fault. Though they weren’t born of the same mother, they had grown up as siblings – how could he now treat an adopted sister as a treasure? Indeed, one raised by a concubine was still one raised by a concubine – their backgrounds were the same, so naturally they got along better.
“I find it laughable – you say Second Brother being close with Fourth Sister loses propriety, but Second Brother is being too calculating. I merely wanted to remind Second Brother that this marriage isn’t settled yet, so stop meddling in inner household affairs. You may care about others’ whereabouts, but we don’t.” As Qingru spoke, she suddenly drawled out an “Oh!” and continued, “I forgot – Second Brother is counting on Fourth Sister to win over their favor, hoping to secure a good position for yourself later!”
Seeing them quarrel, Qingyuan hurriedly tried to pacify them, saying plaintively, “Second Brother… Second Brother, don’t quarrel with Second Sister over my affairs. How can I bear this…”
Zhenglun, being hot-tempered, waved his hand dismissively. “This has nothing to do with you.”
Madame Ming, Zhenglun’s wife, was no pushover either. She had been trying to persuade Zhenglun, but hearing Qingru’s increasingly inappropriate words, she said coolly, “Second Sister, that’s not how to speak of this. Your Second Brother has always been close with the young Marquis – it’s not that he built connections because of Fourth Sister. We also study and await the autumn military examinations – how could we need to rely on others for good positions? Second Sister, speak clearly – don’t later say behind your Second Brother’s back after he passes the examinations, that we relied on family connections rather than true ability. Besides, the young Marquis himself is only an eighth-rank official in the Ministry of Personnel. He must avoid suspicion himself – how could he open doors of convenience for us?”
Things had truly escalated. Everyone in the room looked to the Old Madame, hoping she would make a ruling. The Old Madame looked left at her grandson, looked right at her granddaughter, and chose to say nothing at all, resting her face on her hand, just watching to see how long they could argue.
Qingru alone couldn’t out-argue their two mouths. She shot an angry glance at Qingrong. But Qingrong wasn’t foolish – she wouldn’t join in the chaos. She only smiled at Madame Ming and said, “Second Brother and Second Sister are siblings quarreling – Second Sister-in-law, instead of meditating, you join in the chaos. How is that proper?”
Madame Ming gave a cold laugh. “Third Sister is clever – you’re allowed to fan dark winds and light ghost fires, but I’m not allowed to speak a fair word?”
First Madame Qiu, who enjoyed watching the drama unfold, tried to mediate from the side: “Sister-in-law, don’t take it to heart. Second Sister is straightforward by nature – why be so serious among siblings?”
Madame Ming gave Madame Qiu a sidelong glance. “Does First Sister-in-law have something to say? When the military examinations come, if First Master passes, it’s due to his true talent and learning, but if we pass, it’s all through pulling strings and favors.”
Madame Qiu choked on this retort. “Hey, you…”
Zhengze had a headache. “Enough, enough…”
Lady Hu’s voice was drowned in the crowd: “Now this is good – increasingly without rules or propriety, not even peaceful before the Old Madame…”
Zhenglun had seen through to the heart of the matter and finally struck at the core: “Who doesn’t know? Second Sister has taken a fancy to Chunzhi, but unfortunately, he would rather have Fourth Sister than you. Who was it that disgraced herself at the Commander’s mansion? What man would dare get involved with you? Even if a young lady from a great family is willing to lower her face, they want to marry a proper wife, not a fierce beast in human skin.”
At this, Qingru was stunned. A kind of embarrassment at being exposed seized her. Though everyone knew this by now, no one had ever pointed it out so bluntly. Her face turned from red to white, then from white to green. Finally, all her shame and grievance turned into tears that burst forth. Crying, she ran out of the main house.
Ah, why did she cry? With the opponent gone, naturally, the chaos couldn’t continue. Zhenglun and his wife also fell silent. Madame Ming glanced toward the door, her gaze floating then quickly returning, secretly sneering, “When she can’t argue anymore, she cries – who’s afraid of her few tears!” Earlier when that legitimate mother-in-law forced the concubine to hand over the daughter-in-law’s private money – both she and Zhengjun’s wife knew about this. Though they didn’t speak of it, their resentment was great. Today Second Miss had started it herself, and she had taken the opportunity to vent that foul air – it wasn’t a loss.
Lady Hu’s face was cold as water. Though Qingru had run away, she didn’t chase after her, only coldly eyeing Concubine Mei: “Is this how you usually teach your children? Lun’er is three years older than Second Miss – even if Second Miss spoke wrongly, as her brother, he could have just given some guidance. But this is good – like mortal enemies, cutting to the bone. Do you think I’m dead and can’t do anything about you?”
Concubine Mei was caught in an undeserved disaster. Originally it was just children quarreling, and she was just watching the drama. But now it all had to come back to her. Though she knew this would be the result, when she was called out by name, she still felt somewhat wronged.
“The Madame’s reproach is right, it was truly Lun’er who was wrong.” Concubine Mei said sheepishly, “When I go back, I will certainly punish him severely…”
Lady Hu sneered, “The child isn’t wrong – I’m only speaking to you. It’s your poor teaching; all the fault lies with you. Today I’ll exercise family law – you go kneel in the ancestral hall for one night. Without my word, you may not rise. Lately, I’ve been looking at how the children have all grown up, and you’re even a grandmother now. I didn’t want to make you lose face in front of your daughters-in-law, but who knew the more I indulged you, the more unbearable you became. Today, before the Old Madame, I must restore family discipline – can’t have those below following such example, with even the children showing no respect for anyone.”
Concubine Mei’s face immediately reddened. At her age, to still kneel in the ancestral hall – it truly was a great loss of face. The Madame showed favoritism; everyone could see this. But the difference between a legitimate wife and concubine lay precisely in this – one word from the household mistress, regardless of whether you had grandchildren or great-grandchildren, she could beat or scold as she pleased. A concubine was just a concubine, even in heaven still a slave, unless one day Lun’er and Jun’er made something of themselves and earned her an imperial title. Otherwise, this entire life she would have to submit to the Madame, her entire life oppressed by the Madame.
Zhenglun naturally didn’t want his mother to be punished. He anxiously looked to the Old Madame, “Grandmother…”
The Old Madame lowered her eyelids and didn’t respond to him.
After all, the Madame was the household mistress – there was no principle in defying the Madame’s face for the sake of a concubine. Since the Madame had spoken, a concubine should just comply. When a mother is punished, it’s also a warning to the son – be more careful in words and actions in the future, and don’t casually defy the legitimate wife.
In the end, Concubine Mei still accepted the family punishment, and this morning’s paying of respects was dispersed unhappily. When Qingyuan withdrew from the main house, she hurriedly caught up with Zhenglun and his wife, saying full of guilt: “Second Brother, Second Sister-in-law, this time it was because of me that the Concubine was implicated.”
Zhenglun said dejectedly: “I told you this matter has nothing to do with Fourth Sister. It was my foolishness that harmed my mother.”
Madame Ming said through gritted teeth: “The Madame is very unfair. When siblings quarrel, for the mother to be punished by association – since she punished the Concubine, why doesn’t she punish herself? Is her teaching so good? She raised a young lady to look like a demon star, yet stands tall criticizing others. Just wait and see – everyone has their moments of difficulty. When their legitimate household stumbles, Amitabha Buddha, we’ll just clap and cheer – who doesn’t know how to stand on the dry bank!”
After Zhenglun and Madame Ming left angrily, Qingyuan watched them walk away and exchanged a smile with Baoxian, then instructed her: “Tomorrow is the proper day. Have everything that needs to be prepared ready, and we’ll still leave early.”
Baoxian agreed, supporting her toward the courtyard gate. After walking a few steps, they saw Yueqian leading a eunuch wearing brown official robes. Inside the inner courtyard, Yuejian received them. Yueqian, having delivered her task, let Yuejian lead the person to the main house, then stood at the gate looking inward.
Baoxian called out “Sister Yueqian” and asked, “Has someone come from the palace?”
Yueqian said indeed yes. “I secretly inquired – I heard it’s time for the palace to select consorts. This year they’re broadly recruiting young ladies from ninth-rank and above official families. If things go well, our family might produce an Imperial Consort.”
Hearing this, Qingyuan couldn’t help but look back. “The Madame is still in the main house?”
Baoxian said yes. “Haven’t seen her come out – probably discussing matters with the Old Madame.”
Qingyuan smiled and said to Baoxian: “Let’s go.” She used her round fan to block the sunlight and slowly walked toward the garden path.