HomeA Cup of LoveYi Ou Chun - Chapter 53

Yi Ou Chun – Chapter 53

The room was dim, like a hazy dream. Outside the window, a flash of lightning streaked across the sky. Through the half-open propped window, bluish electric light filtered in, illuminating his face with an eerie blue-white pallor.

Qing Yuan couldn’t digest his words, her brows slightly furrowed as if struggling to comprehend something. The heat that had built up while she was in the cabinet had now turned into cold, clammy clothes clinging to her skin. The rain was heavy, accompanied by wind that stirred the hair around her cheeks. She turned her head, rubbing it against her shoulder. Raindrops pattered against the propped window panels, quickly soaking through the thin silk. She stood up, smiling, “How did we forget to close the window? Look how wet everything’s getting.”

She moved to the window, raising her hand to remove the wooden prop. As she reached up, her wide sleeves floated down, revealing half of her delicate white arm. She hurriedly covered it without drawing attention. When feeling awkward, one needs something to do, but after closing the window, she feels at a loss. Her gaze wandered, not daring to look at him. She tugged at her clothes’ hem and smoothed her hair, finally sitting down dejectedly under his steady gaze. “Is the Commander proposing to me?”

Shen Run watched her face flush red – so this was how a girl looked when embarrassed. He propped his chin up, smiled slightly, and said yes.

Qing Yuan stared at him helplessly, watching his soul-stealing smile that gave her goosebumps. She sat uncomfortably across from him, thinking before saying, “Why am I avoiding the Commander? It’s because I feared you would say such things.”

Shen Run made a sound of acknowledgment. “Are my honest words unpleasant? Or does Fourth Miss prefer sweet talk?”

Qing Yuan shook her head helplessly, “I don’t mean anything else, I just can’t understand… Though the Xie family’s status isn’t low, I’m still just a concubine’s daughter, and I carry the burden of my mother’s crimes. Shouldn’t the Commander reconsider? Such a marriage would become the laughingstock of the entire capital.”

“Laughingstock?” He lowered his eyes to taste this word, a look of disdain crossing his face. “When our Shen family fell from grace years ago, many people laughed behind our backs. I fear becoming others’ laughingstock least of all, because the harder they laugh today, the harder I’ll make them cry tomorrow. I once told Miss that I don’t care about family status. You’re a clever person – how could you not understand my repeated intentional involvement?”

He paused slowly, those eyes fixed on her, piercing through to her soul. “Miss understands everything in her heart, but you dare not think about it. You can’t fathom why this powerful official has taken such a fancy to a humble concubine’s daughter. There’s another matter – you’re protecting yourself. You have foresight, seeing clearly that today’s glory cannot last long. Perhaps in just a few years, this brilliance will burn out, cool down, and turn to ash. Am I right?”

Qing Yuan was stunned, suddenly realizing that in their few encounters, she hadn’t seen this man at all. He possessed a delicate mindset, one forged through years of hardship. He was proud but also constantly self-reflecting. Such a person was frightening – perhaps he could see the slight changes in your thoughts before you even noticed them yourself. He would understand you better than you understand yourself, and facing him every day would make you feel like a criminal. Qing Yuan remembered how she had just opened the cabinet door to find him crouching before her, and a chill crawled up her spine. One such shock was enough.

She smiled slightly, struggling to respond, “The Commander overthinks. I haven’t…”

“Haven’t you?” He still gazed at her casually, “If you truly haven’t, and I don’t mind forming this alliance with the Xie family, I’ll go speak with your grandmother right now, present the betrothal gifts today, and marry you next month. How about that?”

Qing Yuan was alarmed, unable to determine the truth in his words, but she knew she couldn’t brush it off for fear of offending him – he was exactly the type to follow through on his words.

She stammered: “The other day, I promised the Third Young Master I would give him a chance to report to his parents. If the Commander goes to speak with Grandmother now, wouldn’t that make me appear faithless and disloyal? I don’t know why the Commander favors me particularly. I only know that excessive favor with little virtue, and high position with little talent, constitute two of the three dangers in the world. I don’t have such status or virtue, and even if I were to marry the Commander, I fear it wouldn’t last.”

He clicked his tongue. This little girl was caught between a rock and a hard place now. If she could speak freely, she would surely feel that Li Congxin was a more suitable match than him. Although the Li family had a large, messy household, the Marquis of Danyang held no important position at court, and as imperial relatives, they would never face major disaster. For instance, the crime of guilt by association would pass them by – after all, the Emperor couldn’t execute his own family. If she could endure, there would still be hope for better days in the future, though it would take longer and require more patience. They might even live out their lives as husband and wife as peacefully as water… and she didn’t mind that! Why didn’t she mind? One look at her mother’s fate explained it all – this was all she expected from marriage.

So he couldn’t rush her, nor make her break her faith. Shen Run changed tactics, saying indirectly: “Since Fourth Miss puts it that way, we’ll wait until the Danyang Marquis’s son returns from Youzhou before deciding. I won’t force the Fourth Miss to make an immediate decision. When Fourth Miss sees me, there’s no need to act like a mouse seeing a cat, much less hide in cabinets.”

One shouldn’t expose others’ shortcomings when scolding them, yet he mentioned the cabinet again. Qing Yuan was annoyed but had no choice except to smile awkwardly, “That incident… was quite embarrassing. Let’s not mention it any more!”

Summer rain comes quickly and leaves quickly. The rain gradually lessened, leaving a thin layer of moisture in the air. Looking out from inside, the ginkgo leaves in the courtyard seemed touched with a misty green, just waiting for clear weather to display their brilliance.

The two sat facing each other, the room quiet except for the intermittent sound of chanting sutras from afar… The air was filled with wafting sandalwood incense, filling their nostrils and going to their heads, making them feel dizzy.

“Fourth Miss…”

The silence had grown too long, too quiet, and he tried to break this tranquility. She raised her eyes slightly to glance at him, shyness in her gaze.

But after calling out, he had nothing more to say, as if he just wanted to taste those words on his tongue.

Outside, the sky suddenly cleared. The previously misty world became bright at once. Hearing the distant sound of horses neighing, years of vigilance made him rise to look at the door. His jade belt cinched his slender waist, and from behind, his figure appeared tall and proportioned like a bamboo.

Only after he walked away did Qing Yuan calm her heart, asking softly, “Commander, is the palace preparing to select consorts?”

He made a sound of acknowledgment, “That matter is handled by the Department of Palace Affairs, not the Palace Guard…” Then he realized something and turned back, “Fourth Miss isn’t thinking of entering the palace to participate in the selection, is she?”

Qing Yuan laughed and said of course not, “I just saw a eunuch visit grandmother yesterday. I wasn’t present then and don’t know why he came.”

What did he come for? Naturally to convey the palace’s oral decree. He knew some things about the consort selection but didn’t inquire much. The Palace Guard only handled ceremonial matters when formally installing an Empress; the selection of various consorts was managed by the Department of Palace Affairs. Using the Palace Guard would be overkill.

“There’s a grand selection this year. Officials’ families with eligible daughters may enter the palace for selection. However, I’ll say this upfront – if the Fourth Miss wants to enter the palace, I will do everything in my power to make you fail the selection. So if you’re planning this path, don’t even think about it.”

See? Though appearing righteous on the surface, he was domineering at heart. Qing Yuan said, “Though I seek revenge, I don’t want to throw away my whole life. I value myself quite highly and never do things that would harm myself more than my enemy.”

But Shen Run was somewhat puzzled, “Isn’t becoming a palace consort what many young ladies dream of? One leap through the dragon gate, and the whole family benefits.”

“Commander, as a close official to the Emperor, are the lives of palace consorts truly better than those outside?” She also slowly walked over. Outside, after the rain, everything had been washed clean, even the continuous mountains beyond the temple appeared more black and vigorous. She gazed deeply into the distance, though her tone remained light, “I like how things are now. Though I carry heavy burdens, my heart isn’t heavy. If I have matters to attend to, I can go out after reporting to my grandmother. How could palace consorts move about so freely? Entering the palace might bring glory to one’s name, but that name costs a lifetime in exchange. Moreover, with so many consorts, each trying everything to please His Majesty… I want my future husband to please me, but that wouldn’t be possible in the palace.”

Was this making demands? Speaking so clearly, wanting him to please her? Commander Shen considered for a moment. In this life, he had never tried to please women, especially young girls like this. However, since he was going to establish a family and needed a suitable mistress of the household, he naturally had to put in some effort, so he asked Qing Yuan, “Does Fourth Miss have any wishes right now? I can help Fourth Miss take revenge, and after that’s done, you can marry me.”

Qing Yuan’s pleasant mood from admiring the mountains and waters was completely ruined by his words. She was still smiling, but her smile looked somewhat bitter.

“The Commander is very sincere, but doesn’t the Commander ask if I like him or not?”

Shen Run tilted his head slightly, his expression bewildered, “Does Fourth Miss not like me?”

Qing Yuan choked slightly, “Must I like the Commander?”

This stirred up a hornet’s nest. He turned his whole body towards her, looking down at her from his height, “Say it again. Say you don’t like Shen Run.”

Qing Yuan’s ears began buzzing again as she retreated step by step, finally yielding, “I… I… I didn’t say I don’t like you…”

“Then you do like me.” His smile when satisfied was his most enchanting, accompanied by two captivating glances that rippled across her face. Then he affected a formal manner, clasping his hands in greeting, “Shen Run thanks Fourth Miss for her deep affection.”

Qing Yuan’s face reddened, and her return bow was full of reluctance.

What was this about? Hadn’t they just agreed to wait until Li Congxin returned from Youzhou to decide? Why was he being so insistent now?

“Commander, you must keep your word,” she said boldly. “I just promised the Third Young Master I’d give him a chance. How can I face this situation you’re creating?”

But he was magnanimous, “Before Li Congxin returns, I’ll allow you to keep your options open.”

Once again, Qing Yuan was left speechless. She rarely lost the upper hand in conversations, but now she truly couldn’t match him. How could there be such a thick-skinned yet eloquent man in the world? She drooped her head and mumbled, “I want to go back.”

He asked why, “I rode dozens of li just to accompany you through your mother’s memorial service.”

Qing Yuan heard this and was suddenly stunned.

The Commander often used his position for personal matters, frequently using official business as an excuse to come trouble her. She had thought this time he had heard about Li Congxin’s proposal and came specifically to question her about it, but his words had another meaning. Hearing this, she suddenly felt there were some admirable aspects to him. Earlier she had feared him, seeing him as someone who wielded immense power at court, accumulated wealth through his position, and was cunning and devious. But now, amidst all these dark points, a red spot suddenly appeared – a hint of sincerity behind his cynical facade. Whether his words were true or false, she found it hard not to be moved.

Honestly speaking, in previous years on her mother’s death anniversary, she had the Chen family grandparents accompanying her. This year, after returning to the Xie family, throughout all seven days, not a single master from the Xie family had shown any concern. She had been all alone offering incense and kowtowing, with only maids and servants around her, not a single close family member present. She hadn’t expected anything, knowing it was pointless to hope, but his words brought forth a surge of sorrow.

She lowered her eyes and made a soft sound of acknowledgment, “Accompanying me through the memorial service… I wonder what people would say behind our backs if word got out.”

He understood her concerns and simply said, “I await the completion of Miss’s duties, as I have matters to inquire about. This is official Palace Guard business – who would dare spread improper rumors?”

Later it proved true – he watched as each ritual procedure was carried out. When she had to burn the merit scrolls herself, as the temple master brought them over, he secretly reached out to help her past him. That kind of restrained, private gesture was strangely heartwarming.

On the way back, Bao Xian just smiled at her. Qing Yuan knew what she was smiling about, and despite trying to appear gracious, she couldn’t help feeling embarrassed.

“The Commander shows no kindness to anyone else, only to Miss,” Bao Xian opened her handkerchief, offering the wrapped Buddha fruit inside to her, saying with a smile, “This is Miss’s unique privilege, you should appreciate it. Honestly, the first few times I heard Miss speak of him, I only thought him frivolous, without true feelings for Miss. But watching these past few days, such a noble person traveling back and forth between Youzhou and the capital, all for Miss’s sake. Think about it, Miss – if he just wanted to see you, he could have sent a guard to summon you to testify. Could you have refused to go to the Palace Guard office? He considers the hot weather and doesn’t want to trouble Miss, preferring to make the journey himself.”

Qing Yuan understood everything in her heart, but with such a calm temperament, she wouldn’t let herself fall into dangerous waters. She only cautioned Bao Xian, “Let’s keep this between ourselves, don’t mention it to Chun Tai when we return. There are many loose tongues in the household, and while speakers might mean no harm, listeners might take meaning. Since I’ve promised the Third Young Master now, I can’t be fickle. Face isn’t given by others, it’s earned by oneself. If people say I’m being greedy, what kind of person would that make me!”

Bao Xian sighed deeply, feeling troubled for her mistress, “Both of them are from good families, both would be good marriages.”

Qing Yuan smiled slightly, “Every family has its difficulties – whether it’s dealing with future in-laws at the Marquis’s mansion or the uncertain future at the Commander’s residence. Do you think everything in life can go exactly as we wish?” She shook her head, “It can’t.”

The biggest difference was probably the feelings between them. When feelings run deep enough, those bumps in the road can hardly be called obstacles. Right now, most importantly, she loved neither of them. Since she didn’t love either, she had to consider everything carefully – in the end, who she ended up with wasn’t so important.

Qing Yuan lowered her head and bit into the fruit, its sweetness lingering between her lips and teeth. After a moment of silence, she asked, “Do you think… the Commander will return to the capital tonight?”

Bao Xian said he probably would, “If the Metropolitan Commander hasn’t taken leave, the Commander wouldn’t return home – it wouldn’t be proper for an elder brother and sister-in-law to spend the night in the same residence.”

Qing Yuan nodded very slowly, feeling melancholy in her heart. She was causing trouble for others. Whether Li Congxin or Shen Run, they were both traveling back and forth for her sake. She felt guilty – having accumulated such debt, how could she ever repay it?

The seven days of memorial services finally concluded successfully, and they arrived home before sunset. Qing Yuan went to Hui Fang Garden to report to the Old Madam, and upon entering saw Yue Quan arranging dinner in the flower hall. Turning to see her, Yue Quan smiled and said, “The Old Madam was just saying that Fourth Miss should be back by now.”

Qing Yuan nodded and looked toward the main room, “Is Grandmother having dinner served already?”

Yue Quan said, “The Old Madam instructed everyone to dine in the garden today. Miss shouldn’t leave – the meal will begin shortly.” Then she gave her a meaningful look and whispered, “The Madam and the young ladies are all inside. They asked for Fourth Miss to join them when you returned.”

Qing Yuan knew she couldn’t escape the matter of the palace consort selection. Given her status, if she wasn’t registered under the Madam’s name, there would be no worry about entering the palace. And the Madam would never let her climb to such heights, only to turn around and deal with her later. Thus, among the four sisters, she was the least qualified, and also the most able to stay out of it.

But she could still join in the excitement. She lifted her skirts and climbed the steps. The wooden corridors and walls didn’t have very good soundproofing, and after just a few steps, she heard Madam Hu’s thin voice coming from inside, asking the Old Madam directly, “Mother, which of the girls do you think we should send for the selection?”

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