So her earlier vague premonition hadn’t been wrong.
Qingyuan stood there as if trying to digest this news. After he finished speaking, she paused briefly, then lowered her head and mumbled, “Perhaps… not necessarily.”
A strong-willed young lady would remain unshaken even through the greatest storms. He watched as she furrowed her brows, tears flickering in her eyes, and suddenly felt that his carefully orchestrated situation might be somewhat cruel to her.
However, the Xie family had been even crueler. She wasn’t unaware, she had been prepared, but when it happened—being cast aside like a discarded chess piece—she still felt the pain.
“If you don’t believe me, go see for yourself.” He gestured toward the main gate, clearly intending to help her quickly understand the reality of her situation.
Hearing this, Qingyuan gathered her skirts and ran outside, her heart anxious and her steps hurried. He followed behind, calling out, “Slow down, don’t fall.” She pretended not to hear. Finally reaching the gate, the light from the large red lanterns saturated the vast space before the mansion entrance. By the weapon racks and mounting stones, it was empty—the carriage that had brought her was gone. The Old Madam had abandoned her and left.
This July summer night felt truly cold. She stood there with drooping sleeves, shivering violently. Someone approached from behind in flowing robes, stopping within her peripheral vision, speaking in a cynical tone: “See? Human hearts truly vary in thickness. Fourth Miss, your family has abandoned you, but fortunately, you’ve encountered me.”
She remained silent, staring blankly into the night as if wanting to plunge into the darkness. Shen Run could empathize with her well—a young lady in her prime, delivered so unceremoniously to a man’s house, how could one not feel grief!
She was likely pondering how in this turbid world, with its overwhelming currents, what was left for a small, powerless girl who had lost her family and support? But the Xie family had truly cast aside their dignity—such a prestigious household, using a young lady as a gift in their time of need. No wonder the Xie family’s descendants were declining with each generation; perhaps their ancestral blessings were running out.
The two stood shoulder to shoulder, both staring blankly into the night. Shen Run said, “Try to accept it—such a family, it’s just as well not to return. From now on, you won’t have family burdens, and the Xie family’s survival won’t concern you anymore. Isn’t that worth being happy about?”
After a long while, she finally said, “What is there to be happy about!”
Perhaps she felt her life’s path was uncertain, with no shore in sight. Shen Run sighed—after all, she was still a child. No matter how strong-willed, once abandoned by her family, that fear and despair would still overwhelm her.
He wanted to offer some comfort, saying gently, “Don’t worry, now that you’re in my household, I’ll take care of you.”
But as soon as he finished speaking, she began wiping away tears. He was somewhat surprised, thinking perhaps she was upset about his impending engagement to Miss Mu. As he was considering whether to tell her the truth, he heard her murmuring complaints: “Even if they wanted to give me away, they should have at least told me. I didn’t even have time to gather the dowry my grandmother from the Chen family gave me…”
He stood there stunned—it turned out her distress had nothing to do with him. Fourth Miss was indeed a clear-headed and practical girl; in this world, nothing could be relied upon except money. What she regretted wasn’t that the Xie family had abandoned her, but that she hadn’t brought her personal belongings and was now penniless.
In truth, he didn’t know this was just an excuse she’d found to ease her embarrassment. She was at a loss about what to do. Though she had prepared for the worst, such as becoming Shen Run’s concubine—at least that would have some legitimacy—she hadn’t expected to be thrust into someone’s household in the dead of night like this. What was she now? Her dignity had been trampled underfoot by her blood relatives; in their eyes, she wasn’t even a person, at most just an object to curry favor with others.
Immense desolation, immense unwillingness—she stood there stiffly for the time it takes to burn a stick of incense. He remained beside her, keeping her company, but their states of mind were vastly different. To Commander Shen, it was a beautiful evening with a lovely lady by his side; he hadn’t leisurely enjoyed the night view like this for a long time.
But they couldn’t stand there forever. He said, “Miss, let’s go back and discuss this further.”
Qingyuan indeed had nowhere else to go, so she could only follow him back to the garden, asking as they walked, “How does the Commander plan to handle today’s matter?”
He made a sound of acknowledgment. “Handle it? Naturally, I’ll accept with pleasure.”
Qingyuan’s heart pounded heavily, feeling both stifled and indignant. She clenched her fists and said, “With how the Xie family has treated me, why should I still plead for them? Commander can pretend I never came, and you can save yourself the trouble by staying uninvolved.”
The young lady showed great determination. He turned back to give her an approving look, but while such words might serve to vent anger, they couldn’t be taken seriously.
“You’re still a member of the Xie family. Since you haven’t been removed from the family registry or official records, if Xie Shu commits a capital offense and the entire Xie family is condemned, you won’t be able to stay uninvolved.” He walked past the flowering trees with his sleeves gathered, suddenly stopping to look down at her. “Have you heard of collective punishment? The women of the family become slaves, and the men are sent into military exile.”
Qingyuan stood dumbfounded, knowing he must be recalling the suffering the Shen family had endured before.
Under the lush magnolia tree hung a silk lantern, suspended right above his head. Standing in that soft halo of light, he reached back to bring his flowing hair forward over his chest, then turned back his collar for her to see. “What do you see?”
Qingyuan was startled to discover a tattoo on the back of his neck—within a circular mark was the character for “exile” pricked in ink. Over the years, the ink had gradually turned deep blue, but the traces of countless needle pricks remained visible. Even the greatest wealth and status couldn’t erase this period of humiliation and its ugly mark.
Those deer-like eyes looked at him with confusion. He smiled slightly. “It should have been marked on my face. But at the time, His Majesty secretly provided silver, asking them to show mercy, so my face wasn’t disfigured. Look—once condemned, this is what happens. Even if you could luckily escape, for a young lady like you, having your natal family fall from grace isn’t a good thing.”
Qingyuan remained lost in thought, her gaze fixed on that tattoo, unable to look away. He noticed and paused as he was about to close his collar. He made a sound of acknowledgment and asked, “Haven’t seen enough?” As he spoke, he lowered his shoulder further, winking at her, “How about this? Do you like this better?”
For a grown man to expose his shoulder with disheveled clothes was rather unseemly. Qingyuan glanced at him bashfully twice, also marveling at the Commander’s fine bone structure and appearance, but his status was clear—even though it was his residence, it wouldn’t be good for others to catch sight of this.
Blushing, she reached out with two fingers to pull his collar up. “Don’t do this, you’ll catch a cold.”
His eyes sparkled with increasing amusement, but he didn’t persist. As she helped him cover up, he straightened his clothes and swept his hair back.
Qingyuan didn’t dare look at him anymore, feeling this person was truly strange. In armor, he was an imposing military officer, but with his helmet removed and hair down, he was even more romantic than those refined young nobles.
Some people were aware of their beauty and loved to flaunt it—the flowering trees, silk lanterns, elegant countenance… His fingers moved closer, still carrying a trace of hair fragrance, lightly touching the small pendant and swaying at her earlobe as he said in a husky voice, “This looks very good on you.”
Qingyuan hurriedly covered her ears and stepped back, saying, “Let’s return to the matter at hand.”
He seemed somewhat disappointed, reproaching her for not responding to his sentiment—Fourth Miss was too proper. So he folded his arms and turned his head away haughtily, saying, “Let me think, where were we?”
“We were discussing whether to save the Xie family.” She kindly reminded him.
He gave her a sidelong glance. “Oh yes, having received payment, one should resolve troubles. Moreover, this time it’s not money but you, so naturally I must help. Besides, I’m counting on establishing merit to be promoted to Military Commissioner, to earn an official title for my wife.”
Ah yes, she had almost forgotten—he had someone he was going to marry, and would no longer wait for her approval.
Speaking of sadness, there was some; her heart felt sour and out of sorts, but she couldn’t speak of it. He was planning a future, and her presence in it would be the greatest awkwardness. Miss Mu had done nothing wrong; on the verge of engagement, to have her interfere would surely upset her just as she had been upset discovering Li Congxin!
She sighed quietly and composed herself, tucking away her hands. That dignified and steady Fourth Miss had returned, saying softly, “If the Commander can help the Xie family while achieving his ambitions, that would be best. As you said earlier, the Xie family’s complete downfall would do me no good either. However, the Old Madam using me to curry favor with the Commander—I find it very unfair. After all, I am a person, not some cat or dog to be treated so carelessly.”
He remained calm, “I know Fourth Miss has a proud spirit and won’t submit to others’ manipulation, but you have no relatives or friends in Youzhou, have just ended your engagement with the Danyang Marquis’s household, have no money, and no relatives to rely on—what else can you do? In my opinion, stay in my household. As long as I have food to eat, you won’t go hungry. What do you think?”
She wore a resigned smile and shook her head. “If the Commander would let me leave, I would be even more grateful.”
He heard this with displeasure, frowning as he said, “I don’t want your gratitude, I just want you to stay in my household. Fourth Miss is intelligent and should know that all my elaborate arrangements were to achieve this purpose. If you leave, a young lady alone would be too dangerous…” He paused, rubbing his forehead. “I remember now, the Chen family had prepared people for you before. However, I’ve arranged all those personnel into the Xi Long Guard—they’re now on imperial payroll with official duties and can’t attend to you anymore.”
Qingyuan was dumbfounded; besides being stunned, there was nothing she could say.
“What’s wrong?” His gaze fell tenderly upon her. “Don’t you want to be with me?”
That soft, ambiguous tone carried over, and she could even feel his warm breath.
Qingyuan lowered her head, her ears burning. “Commander is about to be engaged. Please be devoted to Miss Mu, don’t let her down.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I have my plans—how does it concern her? Besides, feelings should consider who came first. In my heart, you were the first one I set my mind on.”
Qingyuan could tell he was deliberately taunting her, speaking of who came first—a veiled reference to her and Li Congxin. Though her choice had indeed been wrong, she never regretted keeping her word. But a good beginning doesn’t guarantee a good ending; now that every step was difficult, it truly was fate.
“I have nowhere else to go now. What more does the Commander want?” she said desolately. “I can’t return to the Xie family, nor Hengtang.”
“You don’t need to go anywhere—staying by my side is enough.” Shen Run was very satisfied with everything at present. He turned to look at the moonlight, then at the beauty before him, and laughed softly. “Miss doesn’t know, I’ve been waiting for this day for so long, it still feels like a dream.”
Qingyuan looked at him, speechless, but he was in high spirits. Resting his hands on his knees, he lowered his gaze to look directly at her face. “These days, have you dreamed of me?”
She became somewhat flustered and shook her head.
He sighed. “But I’ve dreamed of you. There are still several days until the engagement. During these days, I belong to you alone. Just for these few days, dream of me properly, will you?”
Qingyuan’s mind was in chaos. She stepped back two paces, still shaking her head. “Don’t be fickle—one should see things through from beginning to end.”
He smiled with furrowed brows. “But your household has given you to me, asking me to help your father out of trouble. Can Miss make her own decisions now?”
Qingyuan froze, finally realizing this situation was truly irreversible. She was no different from those singing girls—all just pawns to be manipulated. The only fortune was that the person was him, someone she had once had feelings for and still quietly liked. But alas, once people are no longer equals, nothing can be discussed. She was no longer the Xie family’s Fourth Miss, while he remained the high and mighty Commander. Romance was no longer possible; in the end, she would probably become his concubine, or an unnamed mistress in a separate residence, just like her mother.
The light from that silk lantern suddenly became piercing. She hurriedly turned away, covering her eyes with her hands. Tears seeped through her fingers, seeming impossible to contain. Thinking of her mother filled her with shame—all that long effort just to avoid following her mother’s path, yet despite all calculations, it was ultimately useless.
Those thin shoulders shook slightly with sobs as she stood with her back to him, looking helpless and alone. He began to hesitate—perhaps he should tell her that he had no intention of marrying Miss Mu, that spreading this news was only to force the Xie family to completely give up on her. Hadn’t she always wanted to return to her grandparents in the Chen family? Only by leaving the Xie family with nothing to say could she fulfill her wish to marry the Chen family.
Keeping a secret, preparing a surprise for her—it was truly torturous. He was also somewhat unhappy, annoyed that even in such difficult circumstances, she still wouldn’t admit she had feelings for him, wouldn’t beg him not to marry Miss Mu. This child was too proud, too aloof; she disdained competing with others. In the end, it was still because she didn’t love him enough—even though he was nearly burning with passion, she remained indifferent.
He hardened his heart—even if just to punish her, he would continue keeping her in the dark. “Alright, stop crying. I’ve had people prepare a bedroom for you. Stay there for now, and in a few days I’ll make other arrangements.” He tugged at her sleeve. “I’ll take you to your courtyard.”
Qingyuan’s virtue lay in her proper control of emotions; though she had momentarily lost composure, she recovered quickly. She wiped her tears and used her fan to shield her face, speaking with a stuffed nose: “I’ve embarrassed myself before the Commander again. After crying a bit, my heart feels clearer.”
He nodded. “I understand Miss’s difficulties and sympathize with your situation. Our matter isn’t urgent at present—Miss can think it over carefully and tell me when you’ve figured it out.”
These words sounded reasonable, and Qingyuan felt relieved, following slowly behind him. Along the way were lantern pavilions, with oil lamps nestled in small stone niches, covered on all four sides with translucent tiles. Even in the wind, that tiny flame within wouldn’t extinguish, burning until dawn.
However, though he said he would take her to her courtyard, he still led her back to the previous garden. There was a look of satisfaction in his eyes as he stood at the entrance, gesturing with his hand. “We’re here.”
She looked at him hesitantly. “Are you deceiving me?”
He said no. “You’ll live in the same courtyard as me—what’s mine is yours.”
She became alert, looking at him warily. “What are you thinking?”
Shen Run thought to himself that he couldn’t tell her what he was thinking—afraid she might climb the wall and escape if he did. So he carelessly gazed into the depths of the courtyard, saying, “It’s late, and there’s no time to prepare. Why not use what’s readily available? Don’t worry, my courtyard is clean—I’ve never housed other women here.” As he spoke, he strolled forward casually. Stopping at the steps, he pointed to a side wing, “Even if Fourth Miss covets my beauty, I won’t give you the chance to share my room—that one is yours.”
Qingyuan gave him a disgusted glance. “Have you shown this side of yourself to Fangchun?”
He smiled languorously. “I only show this side to you—they’ll never have the chance to see it in their lifetime.”
This was a side she didn’t want to see either, but being under someone else’s roof, she decided not to dwell on it too much. However, she didn’t know where they had taken Baoyin, so she looked toward the courtyard entrance. “My maid…”
He had no intention of having her brought in, merely saying, “Matron Zhou will arrange it, you needn’t worry.” With that, he stepped onto the stairs and pushed open the latticed door.
The room was serene and neat, with snow-white curtains and hanging gold-thread screens arranged in layers. He didn’t say much more, just told her there was a bathing area in the back, then left without lingering, honestly withdrawing. Through the half-open window, she watched as he leisurely returned to his bedroom, closed the door—his silhouette cast on the Korean paper by candlelight—and even carefully secured the door bolt, as if afraid she might break in during the night.
Qingyuan muttered a couple of complaints to herself, then turned to survey her surroundings. The unfamiliar environment made her anxious—this was her first time away from home, spending the night alone in someone else’s household… But everything seemed to have been arranged very thoughtfully: there were new clothes by the bed, and unopened powder and rouge on the dressing table. She walked over, bending down to examine each item. On the celadon water, dish grew a love pea plant, and on the surface of the hand mirror lay that grimacing taotie pendant.