Gu Jinghui hadn’t invited her older cousin to her wedding. She didn’t want anyone to know where she came from. Yet with not a single relative present at her wedding, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of loneliness — as though she were still that orphaned girl of years past, with neither father nor mother. At least she had university classmates and colleagues from school as her audience, which gave her some sense of pride.

The moment she saw her older cousin, Gu Jinghui nearly let the tears fall. After receiving just one short letter telling her of the wedding, her older cousin had sat on a train for over ten hours to come and see her. In that moment, it felt just like those days in school when her classmates had called her an orphan with no one to look after her, and her older cousin had specially come to school to stand up for her.

But times had changed. She was no longer that little girl waiting for her cousin to come to her defense. Gu Jinghui desperately wanted to hold her older cousin and tell her how difficult the road she had walked had been — yet no matter how hard it had been, she had persevered. She had become the mistress of the Luo household as she had always wanted, and her colleagues had all rushed to attend her wedding.

Yet she couldn’t. Her older cousin had come to the Luo family home — and this was not truly her home. It was an apartment assigned by Luo Bo’an. There were three people named Luo living inside, along with an old housekeeper left behind by a former wife. None of them were her relatives. In this so-called “home,” her every move and word was constrained. She couldn’t even speak privately with her older cousin. Gu Jinghui felt that this old housekeeper, left behind by the former wife, was scrutinizing her every moment.

So she tried to look at her older cousin through the old housekeeper’s eyes. Her older cousin was still beautiful and graceful. But all that beauty and grace hadn’t translated into a suitable match — and she had ended up marrying Lou Deyu.

Gu Jinghui sized up her older cousin through the imagined eyes of the old housekeeper, and imagined how the Luo family and Zhou Zan must see her cousin and her cousin’s husband — yet she never once looked at this cousin who had ridden a train for more than ten hours to attend her wedding through her own eyes. In this world, where she was always scrambling to climb higher, it seemed everyone else’s opinion mattered more than her own.

In front of other people, Gu Jinghui was barely willing to admit this was her brother-in-law. This brother-in-law not only brought down her own standing, he also made her older sister look bad. He clearly knew what kind of weather it was, yet he had to wear such a thick suit, now soaked through with sweat. Clothing was a small matter — yet that small thing summoned every grievance she had ever had against this brother-in-law.

When Lou Deyu was assigned to the table at the far edge of the room by his sister-in-law, his face flushed red for a moment. Why was there suddenly an extra person at that table?

Gu Jinghui had really managed it — seating his wife and daughter at the same table as Zhou Zan. Anyone who didn’t know better would think the three of them were a family. Was he really not as good as this man surnamed Zhou? How was he not as good as this man surnamed Zhou?

Was he really so beneath the occasion?

What kind of way was this to treat a guest? No matter how things stood, he had stood on the train for over ten hours and arrived with a gift. But with his wife and child present, he held himself back. Without his wife and daughter beside him, no matter how humiliating or hard things got, he wasn’t afraid. He’d fall and get back up. In this great wide world, who even knew who? You don’t care about me, and I’ll care even less about you. But with his wife and daughter there beside him, he was acutely sensitive to how others saw him.

Lou Deyu wanted others to respect and admire him — as his wife’s husband, as his daughter’s father. In that moment, he was not only himself; he was a husband and a father. He couldn’t make a scene and demand of Gu Jinghui whether she had lost her conscience. He had to stay calm and composed, and not let his wife and child be embarrassed because of him.

When he heard Gu Jinghui’s seating arrangements, Lou Deyu forced the smile on his face to linger for a moment longer. He pretended not to care about Gu Jinghui’s arrangements — as though he actually believed she had seated him in the corner because there was simply no better place.

Gu Jinghui, an outsider, looking down on him was one thing. But if Gu Jingshu… The two men were standing right in front of Gu Jingshu, giving her every chance to compare them. Why couldn’t he have progressed faster? He wanted Gu Jingshu to feel proud when she saw Zhou Zan — to let Zhou Zan see that after breaking up with him, she had found someone better.

Lou Deyu was convinced in his heart that he was the better man — more reliable than Zhou Zan.

But with two men standing side by side in the same room, it was simply too much to ask for a stranger to see who was better. His sister-in-law had even banished him, the legitimate brother-in-law, to another table.

Lou Deyu’s eyes swept involuntarily toward Zhou Zan.

Zhou Zan’s gaze was fixed on Gu Jingshu and their daughter. He was skilled at concealing what lay inside him, but in that moment, he couldn’t hide it no matter how he tried. How could Gu Jingshu have such a grown daughter?

When Gu Jingshu saw Zhou Zan again, her heart gave one sudden, urgent beat. This was the feeling of someone who had been tucked away in the corner of memory suddenly leaping out and appearing before you. In an instant, all the past she had kept carefully locked away came flooding out — the first time she and he had held hands, their first kiss, and the moment on the train when she had decided to sever all ties with this man. She had loved him. Even that moment on the train when she made her decision, the love had still been there.

Lou Deyu noticed that exchange of glances. It made the forced smile fall completely from his face. He cursed inwardly: wasn’t it you who said it was over? And now that look of lingering regret — who is that for? As if Gu Jingshu owed it to him to remain alone all her life — as if she shouldn’t have a husband and such a grown daughter. But their daughter was… no, their daughter was his. His and Gu Jingshu’s, raised together. From the moment she learned to talk, she had called him Dad. This was his daughter.

But if Gu Qiao were truly given a choice between two fathers, which one would she choose?

Just as Lou Deyu, feeling lost, prepared to walk toward the seat his sister-in-law had assigned him, Gu Jingshu took hold of his hand — openly and without any attempt to hide it, as if afraid people wouldn’t know they were husband and wife.

Gu Jingshu was a naturally reserved person. Whether with her first love or with her husband, she had always kept away from any show of affection in front of others. But in this moment, she knew — Lou Deyu, petty-hearted as he was, needed her.

She guessed he must be overthinking things again. That inferiority complex and that compulsion to compare himself to others had surfaced once more. Though Lou Deyu never said it aloud, she knew he occasionally compared himself to Zhou Zan, always working to prove that he was the better man. But he would never understand this about her — she had never once compared the people she loved or the children she loved to anyone else. Not once. Whatever was hers, she thought was good, and every day she found new things to love about it. When she had loved Zhou Zan in the past, she had thought he was the best person in the world — even when he had nothing to offer but a chest full of unfulfilled ambitions and passion. But now, whether this man was good or not had nothing to do with her anymore.

Lou Deyu closed his hand around Gu Jingshu’s in return. The last time he had held on this tightly in front of others was when Gu Jingshu was in labor, and at the sound of a newborn girl’s lusty cry, he had sworn he would give this mother and daughter a good life.

In that moment, Lou Deyu felt that all of Gu Jinghui’s arrangements no longer mattered. From that handclasp he drew enough strength to walk alone to his seat at the far edge of the room.

But then he heard Gu Jingshu say: “Let’s sit together. If we can’t sit at the same table, we won’t eat at all. I think my cousin should be able to understand.” As for her cousin’s reaction, Gu Jingshu was not without disappointment. Yet she could also imagine something of the hardship it had taken for an orphan to establish herself in a big city. She understood — but she also knew clearly now: the feeling between the two cousins, from this point forward, would be nothing more than the sort of ordinary distant relation who might not see each other once a year.

Taking advantage of a moment when no one was looking, Gu Qiao had already pushed two chairs together. She knew her father would very much like to sit with her mother. At home he was always complaining that she monopolized Mama — and today, heartlessly pushed to another table by her little auntie, he must be quite unhappy. She was very pleased with her own problem-solving abilities. She stretched out her small hand to pull Lou Deyu: “Dad, don’t go. Let’s all sit together as a family on these two chairs. You and Mama sit on the two sides, and I’ll sit in the middle. I’m very thin — there’s plenty of room on these two chairs for the three of us.”

Gu Qiao hadn’t noticed that the uncle surnamed Zhou was watching her. She looked at Lou Deyu with an expression of great self-satisfaction, waiting to be praised — but Lou Deyu not only didn’t praise her, he looked as if he were about to cry.

Gu Qiao’s impromptu idea was not adopted. She was led by her older cousin to another table where most of the other guests were children. She sat beside the only semi-familiar face — her older cousin. While her parents were still hesitating, she abandoned the principle of “the three of us must sit together” without a second thought and went off with her older cousin.

Gu Qiao had a keen eye for situations. She could tell that eating at this banquet wasn’t the same casual affair as back home in her village. Her arms were short, so she properly and quietly only reached for the dishes closest to her — and unfortunately, the dishes closest to her were none of the ones she liked. She ate with great restraint, casting a wistful glance at the little meatballs she liked that sat far out of reach, then lowering her head to work through the food in her bowl. She loved the little meatballs her mama and grandmother made. Meat wasn’t something you could have every day, and at the end of every meal that had it, she would find herself already looking forward to the next one.

Gu Qiao noticed that although her older cousin’s hands were, for his age, quite long, and he held his chopsticks high up on the handle, he had taken even fewer dishes than she had, and all of it vegetables. She warmly recommended: “These little meatballs are really good, older cousin — you should try one.” He was sitting close enough to reach them easily; it would be such a shame not to eat any. As she said this, she spoke as if she had already tasted a meatball herself, and swallowed hard.

Her older cousin glanced at her, then actually used the serving chopsticks to pick up a meatball — but instead of eating it himself, he placed it in her bowl. Gu Qiao let out a small sigh. How could he tempt and test her like this? When it was far away, she could pretend she didn’t see it. But now that it had landed in her bowl — to hold herself back from eating it would be genuine suffering. She wasn’t strong enough for that.

Gu Qiao suspected her older cousin had placed it in the wrong bowl, but then she watched as he quickly picked up one more, and then another, and set several in a row in that same bowl. She was just about to remind him he had put them in the wrong bowl when she saw that her older cousin had already set down his chopsticks — he appeared to be done eating.

Only then did Gu Qiao understand: those meatballs had been placed there for her. She said quietly: “Thank you, older cousin.”

Her older cousin was entirely indifferent to the thanks. But Gu Qiao had gotten the little meatballs she loved, so she forgave his coldness.

After the wedding, Gu Jinghui invited her older cousin to come back to her home.

Gu Jingshu declined, citing the need to catch a train. She was not actually in a hurry to leave — there were still quite a few places she had wanted to take her daughter to see. But this excuse gave both sides a graceful way out. After everything that had happened, Lou Deyu would certainly not want to go back to the Luo family home, and her younger cousin might not truly be eager to have them come either.

Before leaving, Gu Qiao made a point of going to find Luo Peiyin to say goodbye.

Luo Peiyin had accepted Lou Deyu’s ten yuan, so he gave Gu Qiao a city transit map and a battery-powered toy car in return. He didn’t have the habit of taking advantage of strangers.

The other guests hadn’t seen Lou Deyu give the ten yuan, and only saw Luo Peiyin’s generosity toward Gu Qiao. His generosity was not unusual in itself, but being generous toward a cousin with no blood relation was unusual.

Gu Jinghui had a reasonably harmonious relationship with Luo Bo’an’s eldest daughter — she was Luo Sijing’s teacher, and Luo Sijing had lost her mother, which, to some extent, had also drawn the two of them closer. But Luo Bo’an’s son was a different matter. His mother was still alive, even if she was in Singapore, and the old housekeeper who had worked for his mother before was still there in the house. Gu Jinghui had always felt there was something a little strange about this boy’s temperament. She couldn’t say he was impolite to her — but he maintained only the bare minimum of politeness. To her overtures of friendliness, the word he said most often was “thank you” — and “thank you” was invariably accompanied by a refusal. Yet Luo Bo’an took this son of his very seriously.

It wasn’t only Gu Jinghui who found her stepson strange. Even Luo Bo’an thought this biological son of his was being somewhat out of the ordinary today.

Gu Qiao looked at her older cousin, then looked at the foreign text on the toy car’s packaging. Though she had never seen anything like it before, her eight years of limited life experience told her it was not cheap.

But at that moment she had no gift of equal value to offer in return. Just as she was wavering over whether to accept it, she heard her older cousin ask: “Do you not like it?”

Gu Qiao decided to stop being polite: “Older cousin, you should come visit my home with my little auntie sometime. I’ll take you to catch fish in the river. There’s a very famous mountain near our house — I’ll take you to climb it.”

She thought for a moment and added: “Older cousin, you still have a long time before school starts again, right? Why don’t you just come back with us now?”

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