As Jiafu gradually regained consciousness, she felt herself being held in someone’s arms. There was an unbearable bitterness under her tongue, and her nostrils were filled with the strong smell of medicine. That person seemed to be feeding her medicinal liquid.
She had never been able to tolerate bitter medicine. Even before she could open her eyes, she instinctively tried to turn her head away, but her face seemed to be gripped by that person. She had no strength and couldn’t make a sound. Before she could swallow the first mouthful of bitter medicine, another was pushed into her mouth.
Her eyelashes trembled as she frowned, struggling against the force compelling her to take the medicine—just then, she felt as if that person had gone frantic. Her face began to hurt as if something was continuously slapping it.
“Fu’er! Fu’er! Wake up!”
The calling voice became increasingly clear. Another mouthful of bitter medicine was poured in. Because of her resistance, half flowed down her throat while the other half spilled from the corner of her lips.
Her mouth was so bitter…
Her face still hurt so much…
Jiafu moaned, finally awakening from the last fragment of her illusory dreamscape, and slowly opened her eyes.
The first thing she saw upon opening her eyes was the final scene from her illusion—that man who had walked toward her from the depths of darkness, reaching out his hand, saying he would take her home.
Except that the man now holding her had completely lost the graceful bearing from her dream.
Pei You’an’s clothes were stained with blood, his eye sockets sunken, his cheeks and jaw covered with disheveled stubble. His weary, dim eyes were bloodshot, and he stared at her without blinking.
“…Elder Cousin…”
Jiafu felt utterly weak, leaning softly in his embrace, calling him in a voice as faint as a kitten’s mew.
Tears with a tinge of blood gradually sparkled in Pei You’an’s eyes.
Jiafu had now remembered everything.
He had gone to war and news of victory had come. She had wanted to wait for him at the main gate, but before she could get there, she went into labor. She had been in labor for a day and night, with great difficulty, but finally gave birth to their child. She had felt very tired and fallen asleep…
She didn’t know how long she had slept, but she knew she must have frightened him.
“…I’m fine… don’t be afraid…”
She raised her hand, lovingly caressed his haggard face to comfort him, then shifted her body and turned her head, wanting to look for the child she had given birth to.
The moment her hand touched his cheek, Pei You’an’s tears flowed freely, and he immediately pulled her into his embrace.
He held her tightly, embracing her more and more firmly as if trying to embed her into his flesh and bones. His strength was so great that it almost made her faint again.
Jiafu felt somewhat uncomfortable but was more surprised.
This was the second time she had seen this man cry.
The last time was when Grandmother was on her deathbed and he had rushed back to kneel before her. But even then, he hadn’t been like this.
He seemed completely unable to control his emotions, yet was forcing himself to hold back. He embraced her, burying his face deeply in her long hair, motionless. Slowly, Jiafu felt a warm wetness silently spreading across her neck beneath her hair.
Pei You’an held her like this for a long time. When he finally raised his head, Jiafu could no longer see his tears, but his eyes remained bloodshot.
He supported Jiafu and gently laid her back on the pillow, his movements incredibly gentle, as if she were a glass figurine that might break at the slightest touch. After tucking her in, he said in a hoarse voice with a smile: “Our child is sleeping in another room. You should eat something first. When you have regained your strength, I’ll bring him over so he can sleep with you.”
“I want to see him now—”
Pei You’an shook his head, gently pressing Jiafu back onto the pillow, then left with the medicine bowl.
Cheers erupted outside. Jiafu heard the voices of the two maids, Matron Ding, and the little eunuch, all mingled together, each unclear but all filled with joy.
Cui Yinshui’s legs gave way and he couldn’t stand, sitting down heavily in a snowdrift. After climbing out, he repeatedly kneeled and bowed to the heavens, once again muttering something under his breath.
Dianxiang came in to help Jiafu change her clothes. Jiafu glanced at the pitch-black sky outside the window and asked a question. Only then did she finally understand why Pei You’an looked so haggard when she first woke up, and why his emotions were so uncontrolled.
She had given birth to their child two nights ago, and until she regained consciousness, two days and two nights had passed! After delivering the baby, she continued to bleed and lost consciousness. Pei You’an had stayed by her side, feeding her medicine. When he couldn’t get the medicine into her mouth, he would hold it in his mouth and transfer it to hers, mouthful by mouthful. He had held her through the night. From the night she gave birth until this moment, four nights and three days had passed without him closing his eyes for even a moment.
Jiafu’s eyes couldn’t help but fill with tears. Dianxiang quickly wiped them away: “Having just given birth, you mustn’t cry. It could cause lasting illness…”
Jiafu quickly wiped away her own tears and asked for food to be brought. She was very, very hungry. She needed to eat more to regain her strength quickly, to reassure Pei You’an, and also to persuade him to bring the child to her.
She ate a large bowl of meat porridge, a sweet steamed egg custard, and two steamed buns, finally feeling her strength returning. Pei You’an brought her medicine again. She obediently drank the bitter medicine in several large gulps, then opened her mouth to accept a piece of brown sugar he placed on her tongue, and looked at him expectantly.
Pei You’an smiled, nodded to her, and then turned and left the room.
Jiafu knew he was going to bring their son. Both nervous and excited, she leaned back, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on the doorway. Moments later, he returned, personally carrying the infant in his arms. Dianxiang opened the door curtain for him, and he bent to enter.
The baby was wrapped tightly and gently placed on the bed. Pei You’an unwrapped the cloak bundling him, and Jiafu’s eyes widened as she saw a plump, fair-skinned little person appear before her.
The little one was extremely beautiful, with a head of fluffy short hair and faint eyebrows. Though only a few days old, he already had long, curling eyelashes, a delicate nose, and rosy little lips. He was awake, his round black eyes wide open, seeming to curiously observe Jiafu as she slowly brought her face closer.
Pei You’an said he had already chosen a milk name for their son—Ci’er, hoping he would always remember parental kindness. Ci was an ancient divine bird, the sun crow, with a white mouth named Ci, who sought food to feed its mother, hence the name.
The moment Jiafu saw this child, she completely forgot all the pain she had endured to bring him into the world. Restraining the boundless love welling up in her heart for him, she carefully extended her finger to touch his little hand. The child immediately grasped her finger, gently swaying it while making cooing sounds of delight.
“He’s smiling, he’s smiling!”
Jiafu was extremely excited and looked up: “Elder Cousin, may I hold him?”
Pei You’an gazed at his wife, who at times still seemed as childlike as an infant herself, the corners of his lips turning up slightly: “Silly Fu’er, you’re his mother, of course, you can hold him.”
Jiafu was both delighted and nervous: “I’m afraid I won’t hold him properly…”
Pei You’an smiled, gently lifted the swaddled child, and placed him in Jiafu’s arms.
The room was warm. The little one wore a soft jacket that Jiafu had made earlier. Soft and plump, with a faint scent of milk, he nestled in Jiafu’s embrace. Seeming to detect his mother’s scent, his little face anxiously nuzzled against her, continually rooting around.
“Ci’er is hungry,” Pei You’an said with a smile as he watched her.
Jiafu’s face flushed with embarrassment. She asked him to wring out a clean hot towel, gently set down the little one, and under Pei You’an’s smiling gaze, turned slightly to the side, unfastened her garment, wiped her chest, then lay down and brought the little one to her side.
Ci’er closed his eyes and suckled his mother’s milk in large gulps, making swallowing sounds. Once full, he gradually fell asleep.
Pei You’an also lay down, reclining on his side at the edge of the bed, silently watching Jiafu’s nurse. When the little one finally fell asleep, he rose, gently picked him up, placed him in the small bed nearby, tucked him in, then returned and moved closer to her. He sucked away a trace of remaining milk from her full, peach-like breasts and smiled at her flushed face.
“Tired? Go to sleep now.”
With some reluctance, he closed her garment and helped her lie flat. Jiafu, however, nestled into his embrace and hugged him: “Elder Cousin, did I frighten you…”
Pei You’an remained silent.
Jiafu slowly released him, looked up at his face, and asked with slight unease: “Elder Cousin…”
Pei You’an suddenly pulled her into his embrace, holding her tightly, kissing her wildly. His kisses fell like raindrops on her forehead, nose, cheeks, neck, and chest, then returned to her mouth, parting her lips, fiercely sucking her sweet tongue, thoroughly entangling with her.
He kissed her deeply, unwilling to let go for a long time. Their saliva mingled until she was almost suffocating before he finally released her, pressing her head against his chest. Jiafu felt his heart beating rapidly, his breathing urgent. It took a long while before it finally slowed.
“Fu’er, you don’t know how grateful I was to heaven when you opened your eyes. During those two nights when you were unconscious, whenever I thought of my birth mother, I was filled with terror. Fu’er, fortunately, you finally woke. If you had never returned, and I were left alone in this life…”
He suddenly stopped, his voice hoarse and constricted.
Jiafu’s heart suddenly began to pound, but she dared not move, only nestling obediently against his chest, listening to what he was telling her.
“Fu’er, I never told you before, but my birth mother was none other than my aunt, the Empress Yuan from the Tianxi Dynasty, and my birth father…”
He paused again, closing his eyes briefly.
“Was the former Prince of Yunzhong, the man now in the imperial palace.”
He finally said it through gritted teeth, word by word.
“Back then at Ci’en Temple, after my mother gave birth to me, she suffered uncontrollable bleeding. In just two days, she passed away. I was taken to the Pei residence by my father and raised as the eldest son. That’s how I came to be who I am today…”
He stopped, taking a long, deep breath, as if calming his current emotions.
“I never told you this before because it was truly difficult to speak of. Tonight, however, I want you to know, even if it means you’ll look down on me. Fu’er, I originally thought I was merely my father’s illegitimate child, not knowing the truth was twice as shameful. I am an ill-omened person—my birth mother died giving birth to me. I fear that if her spirit is aware, she must utterly despise me. Already a superfluous person in this world, if I had lost you today, what joy would there be left in my life?”
Jiafu raised herself from his chest.
“Husband, what if I told you that before Grandmother passed away, she had already informed me of your origins and instructed me to accompany you throughout your life? What would you think then?”
Pei You’an’s gaze became fixed.
“Husband, your thoughts are mistaken. How could you be a superfluous person? And how could I look down on you because of this? Grandmother and Uncle raised you to adulthood. Before her death, Grandmother still thought of you constantly, her heart undoubtedly filled with love for you. If they felt this way, how much more must your birth mother, who gave her life to bring you into this world? If she truly despised you back then, why would she carry you for ten months and risk everything to give birth to you? She loved you deeply in her heart, which is why she disregarded her safety and sacrificed her life to bring you into the world. If she knew from the underworld how you belittle yourself and view her, how heartbroken she would be.”
“Husband, you don’t know how comforted I am that you’ve told me this. Your mother loved you, and so do I. She is no longer in this world, but in this life, you still have me to accompany you.”
“If you don’t age, I dare not grow old. If you grow old, I will grow old with you. Husband, are you willing?”
Pei You’an gazed at her for a long time. Slowly, he embraced her tightly and closed his eyes.