Life always has many unexpected things happening—if everything went exactly according to plan, either the person has already become a god, or this world is terribly dull.

So when that copper coin flew up and came back down, landing perfectly on a rock with a sharp crack and snapping clean in two, Li Diudiu felt as though he’d been struck by lightning, fried crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.

Both Xiahou Zuo and Ye Zhangzhu’s eyes went wide. For a moment, even they found it hard to accept, and then they burst out laughing, laughing so hard their mouths nearly split at the corners.

Li Diudiu bent down and picked up the broken coin to examine it. The broken edges were completely black—not a hint of copper color to be seen anywhere.

Xiahou Zuo said, “You can’t blame Heaven for this. If you’re going to blame anyone, blame the Mint Office under our Dachu Ministry of Finance. Just by looking at this coin you can tell it came from the Northern River Mint—coins like these, if they have a crack in them, shatter the moment they’re dropped.”

He held out his hand toward Li Diudiu and said, “Do you have another one? Give it to me.”

Li Diudiu took out another copper coin and handed it to Xiahou Zuo. Xiahou Zuo pinched the coin between both hands and snapped it with a sharp crack—the coin actually broke in two.

“Those rotten bastards—the coins they make have practically no copper in them at all.”

Xiahou Zuo cursed.

Li Diudiu said, “All right then. Now you owe me one copper coin.”

Xiahou Zuo: “Hm?”

Li Diudiu said, “That first one I broke myself, but this one—you’re the one who snapped it.”

Xiahou Zuo: “……”

Ye Zhangzhu said with a laugh, “What I’m thinking about right now is what to eat when we get back to Jizhou City. Good thing I accepted payment in banknotes rather than copper coins.”

Li Diudiu looked at the two ruined copper coins and said, “Devastating losses. Not in any mood to treat anyone to dinner.”

Xiahou Zuo gave him a kick in the backside. “Get lost.”

Li Diudiu: “Bawk bawk?”

Xiahou Zuo: “Get lost……”

Xiahou Zuo also looked at the two ruined coins, and after a moment of silence said, “The people’s livelihoods of Dachu are in the hands of these bastards—how could things not go wrong? At the very start, what quality were Dachu’s minted coins? And now you call *this* a copper coin?”

Ye Zhangzhu patted him on the shoulder. “This isn’t something you or I can change. Those animals fatten themselves with methods like this, every single one of them fat-faced and prosperous—then look at the common people, every one of them gaunt and sallow.”

He let out a sigh and said, “Sometimes I can’t help thinking—if it’s going to collapse, let it collapse. That has to be better than dragging on like this.”

Xiahou Zuo clapped a hand over his mouth. “We’re not at home right now—don’t talk nonsense.”

Ye Zhangzhu nodded. Xiahou Zuo released his hand.

Ye Zhangzhu asked him, “What were you just doing? Why does your hand smell so terrible!”

Xiahou Zuo said, “I just accepted a copper coin from Young Master Li—how could it not smell terrible? This person reeks to high heaven.”

Li Diudiu: “You’ve smelled me before?”

Ye Zhangzhu: “Sigh……can you two not be a little more mature?”

Just then, Wang Heita’s wife finished gathering their things. There truly wasn’t much to pack in the house—one adult and two children, each carrying a bundle on their back holding some clothes and valuables. There was no need to bring anything else.

Just as the group was about to leave, a man who looked to be in his early twenties arrived with a few young fellows and stretched out his arms to block their path.

The man at the front narrowed his eyes and sized up Li Diudiu’s group, then glanced at Wang Heita’s wife and gave a few of those cold sneering laughs that villains seem to keep on hand as standard equipment.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

He stretched out an arm to block the way. “You old hag—this year’s grain rent for your household still hasn’t been paid. What, you’re making a run for it? I told you, if you don’t pay the grain rent, I’ll sell your two kids off. Do you not remember?!”

Xiahou Zuo frowned. “Who are you?”

The man puffed out his chest and said, “I’m the village headman. My name is Wang Xinglun. And where did you lot come from?”

Wang Heita’s wife’s face was furious. She could barely contain herself from erupting, and staring at Wang Xinglun she shouted, “I didn’t farm your land—why do I owe you grain rent?”

Wang Xinglun said, “I don’t care whether you farmed it or not. As long as you live in this village, you pay me grain rent.”

The wife said, “Everything the court requires, I haven’t shorted a single copper coin. On what grounds are you extorting extra money?”

“What the court collects is what the court collects. What I collect is what I collect. Are they the same thing?”

Wang Xinglun snorted and then said, “I can see your household here has attracted a few wealthy relatives. Hurry up and make up the grain rent payment, or none of you are going anywhere.”

Xiahou Zuo said with a somewhat dazed expression, “A petty village headman—a nobody—and yet he’s this brazen……the rot starts from the top and flows down. Things have already decayed this far.”

Village headman Wang Xinglun immediately turned his gaze toward Xiahou Zuo upon hearing this, looking him up and down several times. He was uneducated and illiterate, with no worldly experience to speak of—his uncle was a secretary in the county office, so throwing his weight around had become second nature to him.

People from places like this had no idea what lay beyond the mountains. In his eyes, the county magistrate was the greatest official under Heaven, his uncle was third greatest, and both the greatest magistrate and the second greatest deputy magistrate had a warm relationship with his uncle—so who in the world should he fear?

“Where did this stray dog crawl out of?”

Wang Xinglun snapped angrily. “Who gave you the right to open your mouth here?”

Xiahou Zuo turned his head to look at Ye Zhangzhu. “Write this down. He called me a stray dog—that’s a crime that warrants the extermination of his entire family.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

Wang Xinglun, being the kind of young thug who had no idea who he was provoking, reached out and shoved Xiahou Zuo, cursing as he did so.

“Are you looking to die?!”

Right as that hand was about to reach his chest, Xiahou Zuo shot out his own hand and grabbed it, seizing Wang Xinglun’s wrist and twisting it to the side. Wang Xinglun cried out in pain and, following the force of Xiahou Zuo’s grip, was forced to crouch down.

“Wait, wait—don’t get physical……”

Wang Heita’s wife hurried to intervene. “His uncle in the county office is the secretary official—don’t provoke him.”

“The secretary official.”

Xiahou Zuo sighed. “Now that is truly impressive.”

He spread open his hand—thumb to middle finger stretched as wide as they could go, the way one might use them as a makeshift ruler to measure something—and then he pinched his thumb and middle finger together.

“Just……this big.”

Li Diudiu said quite earnestly, “Even though you’re clearly mocking him, I feel like you’re mocking me at the same time.”

Xiahou Zuo said, “Why so perceptive? And rather accurate too……”

He looked down at Wang Xinglun, who had no choice but to crouch before him, and said word by word, “Do you recognize this gesture? This gesture means that your uncle, the county office secretary official, is—in my eyes—just this tiny little bit.”

His knee shot forward and drove straight into Wang Xinglun’s nose. The impact was like smashing an entire vinegar shop—the resulting sensation was extraordinarily, vividly sharp.

Wang Xinglun collapsed to the ground and started crying—crying from the pain.

The other young men tried to fight back, but to Ye Zhangzhu’s eyes these fellows posed not even the slightest threat. Three punches and two kicks, and they were all knocked to the ground, each one writhing and rolling in pain.

Xiahou Zuo crouched down in front of Wang Xinglun, still making that same hand gesture—thumb pinching middle finger—and asked with a cheerful smile, “Tell me—what does this gesture mean?”

Wang Xinglun was in too much pain to be in any mood to answer. He didn’t answer, so Xiahou Zuo’s other hand swung down hard across his face—one, two, three slaps—leaving his face blazing red, five distinct flowers blooming across his cheek.

“Answer me. What does this gesture mean?”

Xiahou Zuo asked again.

Wang Xinglun cried and answered in a hoarse voice, “It means a tiny little bit—a tiny little bit……”

Smack!

Xiahou Zuo gave him another slap, sending Wang Xinglun’s three souls and seven spirits flying halfway out of his body, stars bursting before his eyes.

“Wrong!”

Xiahou Zuo said, “Remember this. This is called ‘counting on your fingers’……if I count on my fingers, at the fastest, in roughly seven days I’ll be seeing you again inside the Jizhou Prefecture jail—along with that secretary uncle of yours who is so very ‘impressive.'”

Wang Xinglun didn’t dare say a word—and couldn’t have said much anyway, with a mouth full of blood.

Xiahou Zuo made the gesture again—thumb pinching middle finger—and rubbed them together.

He asked, “A fall into the pit, a gain in your wit. Do you know what this means now?”

Wang Xinglun didn’t dare stay silent, and answered in a tearful voice, “It means ‘a tiny little bit’ and ‘counting on your fingers.'”

“Wrong!”

Smack—Xiahou Zuo gave him another hard slap across the face.

“This means ‘pay up.'”

He rubbed his fingers together and said, “Slapping you has made my hand sore—you owe me compensation.”

Wang Xinglun: “My lord, I was wrong, I truly know I was wrong—please stop hitting me, I beg you……”

He turned himself inside out searching his body, and handed over every coin and bit of silver he could find. Xiahou Zuo looked at the paltry sum with contempt, examined it, then made the gesture again.

“That’s only a tiny little bit.”

Then he looked toward Wang Heita’s wife and said, “Don’t be afraid—I said it’s fine, so it’s fine.”

He then gave Wang Xinglun a kick. “Go have someone hitch up a cart. We need it to travel.”

Wang Xinglun didn’t dare breathe a word of protest, and had his men bring a large cart around. Li Diudiu tied his beloved little donkey to the back of the cart and followed along, while he took up the reins himself, heading out of the village toward Jizhou City.

On the cart, Li Diudiu raised his hand and mimicked the gesture, then looked at Xiahou Zuo and said, “That’s way too complicated, honestly. That was just bullying—look how badly you flustered the poor village headman, reduced him to tears.”

Xiahou Zuo roared with laughter. “There are only three meanings—what’s so complicated? And besides, those were tears from getting slapped, not from being flustered. Let’s be factual and reasonable here, all right?”

Li Diudiu said, “You can mix and match those meanings of your gesture? Have you thought about combo techniques?”

Xiahou Zuo asked, “What combo techniques?”

Li Diudiu made the gesture, rubbed his fingers together, and said, “Understand?”

Xiahou Zuo shook his head. “What does that mean?”

Li Diudiu said, “It’s ‘count on your fingers, pay up’—obviously.”

Xiahou Zuo burst out laughing. Ye Zhangzhu had just taken a mouthful of water and sprayed it out with a sputter—and in the sunlight, you could actually see a rainbow in that spray.

Li Diudiu made the gesture again, then rubbed his fingers, “What about this one?”

Xiahou Zuo said, “Isn’t that the same as just now?”

Li Diudiu said earnestly, “This is ‘pay a tiny little bit’—how is that the same? It’s completely different. Your reaction honestly deserves a smack……”

Xiahou Zuo stretched out his hand and made the gesture. “Then what do you think this means?”

Li Diudiu said, “That’s……genuinely complicated.”

Xiahou Zuo said, “This means ‘you owe just a tiny little bit.'”

Li Diudiu: “Pff……”

Xiahou Zuo pinched thumb to middle finger and made the gesture again. “Guess again.”

Li Diudiu said, “I was wrong. I give up guessing.”

Xiahou Zuo said, “This is just an orchid finger pose.”

Li Diudiu: “……”

Beside them, Ye Zhangzhu was laughing like an absolute fool—nothing but laughter, practically drooling.

Li Diudiu looked at him, then said to Xiahou Zuo, “This person—is he maybe not quite right in the head?”

Xiahou Zuo said, “Exactly. So childish.”

Ye Zhangzhu: “Hm?”

*I’m childish?!*

*I’m the childish one?!*

—