Once again, Jiang Hanyuan felt she couldn’t understand Shu Shenhui.

When she first met him, it was last autumn at Huguo Temple, where he strangled his uncle, Prince Gao, at Empress Dowager Lan’s birthday Buddhist ceremony, then bid farewell to the Wen family daughter he’d encountered by chance.

At that time, in her eyes, he was deeply scheming with ruthless methods, bearing the weight of family, state, and realm on his shoulders, yet also bound by inescapable shackles imposed by his supreme position. For this, he severed private affections and devoted himself to the country. This added a touch of tragic sentiment to him.

Then at their wedding meeting, he displayed his refined, elegantly educated side. Compared to him, Jiang Hanyuan felt like a wild horse. His treatment of her couldn’t be called bad. However, the more he showed he valued her, accommodating himself everywhere as if truly wanting to grow old together with her, the more she felt he was pretending, daily dealing falsely with her.

His face always wore a smile, as if he never got angry. Did such people truly exist? Thinking of his purpose in marrying her and the private feelings he’d abandoned, she had even pitied him somewhat.

However, gradually, from some unknown point, she increasingly felt that when this person faced her privately, he had broken free from those initial impressions he’d left.

Like a deity statue originally wrapped in dignified ceremonial objects that came crashing down from its heights, shattering completely beyond rescue. He was just an inexplicably moody person whose behaviors she couldn’t understand. Her surroundings had always been filled with men of all kinds – her distant, silent father; steady, loyal Fan Jing; straightforward, brave Yang Hu; wise, lofty Wu Sheng… But she had never encountered such a man who left her at a complete loss.

The Xiao Lin Hua incident from a few days ago could be considered past. Tonight, when she heard he’d been caught in the rain, developed a fever, and even fainted, though Lady Zhuang had spoken up, hoping she’d come, she couldn’t let it go, felt somewhat anxious, and was very willing to come see him. No matter what, having lived under the same roof for so long, there was some friendship between them.

She hadn’t expected him to again adopt such a haughty attitude.

In truth, though she hoped to return early, it wasn’t to the extent he described.

She suddenly felt she truly couldn’t continue dealing with him. Her heart was vexed and depressed – seeing him made her angry. She wished she could leave immediately tonight.

“Enough.”

Jiang Hanyuan’s face turned cold: “If Your Highness doesn’t wish to see me, I’ll return. But these things brought are all prepared by Nanny Zhuang. Your Highness needn’t vent anger on them – see for yourself. If you can eat, have some, lest you waste such good intentions.”

She turned to leave. At the partition door, she heard him say: “Wait.”

Jiang Hanyuan turned back. He had lost his cold attitude from moments before, slowly sitting up straight, raising his hand to rub his temples roughly, saying in a low voice: “…My head hurts terribly. I spoke carelessly – don’t blame me.”

When she’d entered, though he lay on the couch, he hadn’t shown the weakness she’d originally imagined. Now looking again, indeed, she noticed his face was snow-white, his eyes were circled with light blue, and after his voice lowered, his breathing became much heavier. Not only that, his face was full of exhaustion.

Jiang Hanyuan’s heart softened.

First, he was ill; second, he’d apologized. Naturally she wouldn’t hold it against him anymore. She returned, saying: “I wasn’t forbidding you from working earlier, just that since you’re ill, you should rest properly. Nanny Zhuang said you fainted. Is it truly that serious?”

He paused, making a sound: “…During the day… during the day it seems I did faint once…” Another pause: “My head truly hurts terribly, and I feel awful! So my mood was poor earlier. If you don’t believe me, feel for yourself.” As he spoke, he leaned toward her.

Jiang Hanyuan raised her hand to touch his forehead. Indeed, she felt some warm, burning heat.

“Then eat quickly. Only after eating will you have strength. There’s important business tomorrow morning.” She withdrew her hand and spoke. After speaking, finding he still didn’t move, just sat there with hands hanging down, eyes looking at her, she was puzzled: “Why aren’t you eating? Nanny Zhuang said honey was specially added to the porridge according to your taste. If you don’t eat soon, it’ll get cold.”

He said nothing more, took the food himself, and began eating. But after only a few bites, he set it down.

“What’s wrong?”

“No appetite. My hands are also weak and sore – just now holding the brush, I couldn’t grip it steadily.” He shook his head, leaning back against the headboard to explain.

He’d barely eaten two bites. The old eunuch had also said he hadn’t been eating these past two days.

Jiang Hanyuan couldn’t bear watching his refined, weak manner. She took up the porridge he’d set down.

“Your Highness, this won’t do! Already lacking strength, you must try to eat even without an appetite! Otherwise, how will you recover?” As she spoke, she took a spoon, ladled a full, large spoonful of sweet porridge, and brought it directly to his mouth.

“Eat quickly!”

Her tone had taken on a somewhat commanding quality.

He glanced at her, opened his mouth, and silently ate. Jiang Hanyuan thought porridge alone wouldn’t provide strength, so she picked up a chicken shred spring roll: “Eat this too.” He ate it. She fed him another spoonful of porridge, then picked up a piece of pine nut pastry: “And this – Your Highness should try it too. I had some tonight – it tastes very good.”

Jiang Hanyuan busied herself for a while, part coaxing, part forcing, finally making him finish a bowl of porridge. The other food items brought, he also ate some of each. Seeing it was about enough, she ended this first experience of serving someone a meal, packed the food box, and called Li Xiangchun and others to come serve him in rinsing and washing hands. The old eunuch, seeing he’d eaten quite a bit, showed slight joy and looked gratefully at the Princess Consort, hurrying with others to clean up. Jiang Hanyuan waited a moment. Seeing things were settled, she said: “I’ll return now. Your Highness should rest well. No need to specially come to escort me tomorrow morning – I’ll come myself.”

“Stay and sleep here tonight – no need to go out. It’s late, and there’s some distance returning.”

Jiang Hanyuan hadn’t expected him to ask her to stay. Startled, she stood by the couch, still hesitating, when warmth touched her wrist – he had already reached out, grasped her arm, and pulled her down. She tumbled to sit on the couch edge.

“What’s wrong? Are you unwilling?” He leaned toward her, his face coming close to her ear from behind, lips touching her earlobe, asking quietly.

This person’s condition inexplicably made Jiang Hanyuan feel a thread of ambiguous intimacy. Her ears secretly heated. She hurriedly turned her head aside, avoiding the face approaching from behind, quickly glanced at Li Xiangchun and others still tidying nearby, and urgently tried to stand. But he secretly gripped her wrist without releasing, seemingly adding more force. Jiang Hanyuan felt increasingly restless, unable to shake him off with people present, barely enduring. Fortunately, the old eunuch and others showed no expression, eyes straight ahead as if seeing nothing, quickly finishing their tasks and withdrawing, closing the partition door behind them.

As soon as they left, Jiang Hanyuan immediately exerted force, pushing away the man leaning against her from behind.

“Your Highness, what are you doing? They were right there!”

Unable to sit steady, he was pushed backward but didn’t get up, settling against the headboard, saying: “What if they were there? You’re my Princess Consort – I can’t even hold your hand?”

He acted completely unconcerned, but Jiang Hanyuan felt her heart beating somewhat irregularly.

“I’m leaving.” She wanted to end the conversation.

“If you don’t stay tonight, I’ll go back to work!” he replied.

Jiang Hanyuan was nearly amused by his audacity. How could he be like a scoundrel, actually threatening her with this?

“I see Your Highness has no serious ailment. You’re not a three-year-old child. Handle it yourself.”

She picked up the cloak she’d removed upon entering and stepped to leave.

“Come back!” His voice came from behind.

“I’m truly very tired lately. Stay and sleep with me a while.”

“Just sleeping, nothing else.”

She slowly turned back to see he had moved inward, making space for her.

He leaned against the headboard, silently looking toward her.

The surroundings became silent. Jiang Hanyuan felt her heart slowly softening again.

Facing such a quiet, gentle person, how could she refuse such a simple request?

She finally did as he said – loosening her hair, removing her outer clothes, and lying down beside him.

He smiled and leaned over, pulling the quilt for her, then lay beside her on the pillow.

Jiang Hanyuan thought he might say something more to her, but unexpectedly, after closing his eyes, she soon heard him producing even, deep breathing sounds.

He had truly fallen into deep sleep so quickly.

Jiang Hanyuan was slightly surprised. But her heart somehow became peaceful following his sleep.

Listening to the man’s breathing beside her pillow, she gradually also fell asleep. When she woke, she momentarily didn’t know what watch of the night it was. Outside the window remained pitch black, with complete silence around her ears, quiet as if not of this world.

The silver lamp beside the bed had twin candles – one had burned out completely, the other remaining less than an inch.

She knew it must be the fourth watch – the deepest time of night, dreams, and good sleep.

Having slept early last night, this rest wasn’t short. She had slept long and deeply.

She slowly turned her face toward the person beside her pillow.

The remaining candlelight shone from the head of the bed like dim yellow moonlight, quietly falling on his full forehead. He slightly faced toward her, eyes closed, still deeply asleep. His breathing sounded more peaceful than when first falling asleep.

His fever should have already subsided.

She quietly gazed at this man’s peaceful, handsome sleeping face beside her, naturally thinking again of many years ago, that flying, laughing young face under the frontier autumn morning sky.

He was that former youth. Though many years had passed, at this moment she could easily find in his brows, eyes, and facial contours those features that matched her memory.

She looked at him like this for a long time.

Perhaps this night was too enchanting, and this face too pleasing to her eyes, she actually became somewhat dazed. She clearly knew he could no longer be that youth of the past, just as she could no longer be that former “little soldier,” but in her heart, there still slowly welled up a feeling like silent rising tide – a slight aching swell.

For several years, that bright autumn frost morning and the smiling young face in that frosty dawn sky would repeatedly appear in her dreams that otherwise contained only blood and death. That was the only bright color in her entire ignorant, barren girlhood when no one even taught her about her first monthly cycle. Later, when she truly grew up and no longer needed such illusory dream companionship, she buried the past. More things filled her heart, and she no longer recalled those old times.

Yet tonight, at this moment, driven by an unfamiliar, gentle feeling from deep in her heart, she suddenly very much wanted to touch the face of someone from her past who had fallen into her heart since her girlhood.

Unable to help herself, she finally raised her hand, slowly reaching toward the face beside her pillow, approaching inch by inch. When her finger was about to touch his face, she stopped again.

The bedside candle was dim but still clearly illuminated her hand.

This was a hand marked with various scars and calluses. These scars and calluses recorded every training session and battle she’d experienced, accompanying her transformation from a foot soldier to today’s General Chang Ning. Normally, she certainly wouldn’t take pride in this, but she’d never minded these details either. She didn’t think there was anything worth minding. In her view, these were normal results of military service.

But tonight, at this moment, when her hand approached his face and was about to make contact, she suddenly realized how starkly her hand contrasted with this almost flawlessly pure jade-like face.

Jiang Hanyuan’s thought immediately disappeared. Coming to her senses and about to withdraw her hand, suddenly his eyelashes trembled, followed by a slight movement.

Though he hadn’t opened his eyes, she understood – he was awake!

She felt her heart beating as if it would burst through her chest in that instant.

“Your Highness, you’re awake? I just woke up, too. I wanted to check your fever again.”

She explained in as casual a tone as possible, then tried to pull her hand back under the covers. But he raised his arm, naturally grasping her retracting hand and pressing it to his forehead.

“Go ahead and feel.” He still kept his eyes closed, eyelashes lowered on the pillow, speaking only these low words.

Probably due to just waking, he seemed lazy, his voice low and hoarse, with nasal tones dragging out somewhat intoxicating husky quality.

His forehead was cool, indicating his fever had indeed broken. But his palm pressing her hand was still very hot, somewhat burning.

“How do you feel?”

She didn’t know why he was being so strange. She asked while trying to withdraw her hand. But he wouldn’t release it, that hand continuously covering hers, keeping it pressed to his forehead. He didn’t answer her question either.

After a moment, Jiang Hanyuan felt him exploring her palm with his fingers, stroking a rough callus he found, playing with it as his fingertip circled back and forth. Gradually, his breathing also seemed to become heavier.

The palace was extremely quiet at this hour, pitch black everywhere, when even ghost shadows would emerge to wander. This room in a corner of the palace was so quiet that there wasn’t a half a sound. Only the irregular breathing of the man beside her pillow remained in Jiang Hanyuan’s ears.

After these days of marriage, she was no longer as straightforward as on their wedding night, thinking things too simply. She had personally experienced several times with this man those unspeakable, dark, mysterious private chamber affairs. Though like lips and teeth fighting, stumbling about with no apparent pleasure in memory, she vaguely began to understand what his current state meant.

Her heartbeat, which had calmed somewhat, suddenly accelerated again. Just as she tried to withdraw the hand he was playing with from his forehead, he slowly opened his eyes and turned his face toward her.

Accompanied by a hoarse voice, she heard him say quietly: “Princess Consort, do you truly not know what’s wrong with me?”

She naturally knew.

But Jiang Hanyuan didn’t know why she had become so flustered at this moment.

She had experienced this with him several times already and could be considered experienced. Following previous occasions, she should just deal with him accordingly.

But tonight, at this moment, she felt she couldn’t do it anymore.

Instinct told her that something extremely terrifying for her was about to happen. If she didn’t quickly bind the worm trying to crawl out from her heart, someday it would consume itself, leaving her heart riddled with holes, beyond redemption.

She wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen to her.

She quickly withdrew her hand that he’d covered until it too became hot, sat up abruptly, saying: “Your Highness, your fever has broken – you’re thirsty, right? I’ll call someone to bring you water—”

Before finishing her words, she had already nimbly rolled off the bed, grabbing her outer garment with one hand while putting it on and walking quickly outside.

He reached out to catch her, but only grasped a corner of her clothing. As he gripped it without releasing, her determination to leave was so strong that her steps didn’t pause at all. Accompanied by a crisp “rip” of tearing fabric, the corner tore away, slipping from his fingers. Then he followed her, quickly getting off the bed and chasing after her barefoot.

She had already exited the partition door, taking refuge in the outer chamber he used for daily office work.

The room was empty with no one present. The illuminating candles had long been extinguished. Only that one remaining candle from the inner room shone through the half-open partition door, casting vague light.

Jiang Hanyuan was cornered by the man in front of the desk. Feeling around, he swept aside a pile of memorials and documents stacked on the desk, clearing a space. With both arms embracing, he lifted her to sit on it, making her feet that still wanted to leave dangle in the air.

Finally, he had completely trapped her. He undid her clothing collar, burying his head to kiss her.

Jiang Hanyuan could have completely pushed him away, even easily subdued him. But she seemed unable to exert force. His lips and face seemed like fire burning her skin. Yet that feeling was also soothing and comfortable. Her face tilted back slightly, eyes closed, letting him kiss her body as another voice emerged in her heart. That voice seemed to be this man’s accomplice, constantly persuading her.

Enough, let him be. He probably feels unsatisfied and seeks some novelty. Since he wants it, let him. Future matters could be discussed later. How could she refuse his advances now? She needs only to remember what she should remember.

Everything else, let him have his way. It was just this small matter…

She thought hazily, her body unconsciously softening, her arms somehow encircling his neck, letting this successful man carry her back to the inner room to lie entwined together.