A gust of cold wind jolted Yu Jiuqi completely awake. The wind came sweeping through the narrow alley she passed through every day going to and from work—thin, sharp, and fierce—instantly piercing through the so-called illusion from moments ago, making her suddenly realize that she was right now downstairs from her own building, Sun Xi was holding her hand, and Wen Wen was upstairs.

Using almost all her strength, like a cleaver chopping down, Yu Jiuqi violently shook off Sun Xi’s hand.

Sun Xi was caught completely off guard and was actually pulled backward a large step by her, nearly losing his balance. His hand emptied for an instant. He tried to grab it back, but she nimbly dodged and retreated. After a series of small-scale entanglements failed, he frowned and stood in place, watching her from a distance.

“Why did you come back again?” Yu Jiuqi asked the previous question once more.

Sun Xi took a light breath and was about to speak when Xiao Jiu suddenly understood: “Oh, Tingting told you about the studio?” She calculated the timing—he had come back almost immediately without delay. Her eyes shifted away. “I didn’t expect it would turn out like this either, and I didn’t deliberately lead my mom to the studio. I didn’t know Tingting was inside. Are those paintings of hers important? Will they affect her art exam or anything?”

“Did you go to the hospital?” Sun Xi suddenly interrupted.

Yu Jiuqi understood his meaning: “I’m fine.”

“Do you have ice packs at home?”

Xiao Jiu hesitated for a moment.

“I have some in my car.” He withdrew his hand and put it in his down jacket pocket, looking somewhat calmer. “Don’t you know that lump on your head is quite swollen?”

Yu Jiuqi had deliberately left her hair down today to cover it. Even Yu Kaixuan hadn’t noticed anything unusual, yet somehow his two eyes had zeroed right in on it. Xiao Jiu didn’t have time to ponder too much. The urgent priority was to quickly leave before being seen by acquaintances. She had originally wanted to find an excuse to just go home with her head down, but then felt his return was suspicious and sudden.

“Where did you park your car?”

“At the intersection ahead.”

“Then let’s go.” She directly led the way, even urging, “Hurry up.”

The intersection was only a dozen meters away. He didn’t avoid suspicion at all, brazenly parking in the most conspicuous middle position. Xiao Jiu even felt that if she stretched her neck long enough, she could see it from her home balcony in one glance.

Yu Jiuqi got in the car first, sitting directly in the back seat. Sun Xi took out a medical kit from the trunk, then went around to the front and opened the driver’s side door, asking if she was cold. Without waiting for Xiao Jiu to answer, he adjusted the air conditioning temperature higher on his own, then bent down to take out an ice pack from the car’s mini-fridge, closed the door, went around half a circle, and sat down beside her in the back.

Speaking of which, this several-years-old popular SUV model was originally chosen by Yu Jiuqi.

That year she was a senior, and the advertising company where she was interning happened to be making a promotional video for this car. She had only mentioned casually that there was one parked at the company entrance—quite cool, with sleek and imposing exterior lines, good visibility, large interior space, and when the back seats were folded flat, two people could easily sleep there, more comfortable than her dorm bed.

At that time, Sun Xi had his arm around her neck, walking on a Beijing Third Ring Road evening intoxicated with late April spring breezes, asking if she wanted to try it? She asked try what? Sun Xi didn’t answer, was silent for a while, then said, you could try it.

Yu Jiuqi asked again, try what?

He smiled mischievously and vigorously ruffled her head.

……

“Come closer.”

As soon as Sun Xi sat down, Yu Jiuqi immediately felt the back seat space become much more cramped. Those so-called brand promotions were apparently exaggerating. Sometimes whether space was large or small didn’t depend on objective conditions, but rather on difficult-to-quantify emotional feedback.

She raised her hand and skillfully brightened the back seat light, didn’t move forward, but instead shrank back a bit, extending her hand and waving: “Give it to me, I’ll do it myself.”

Sun Xi glanced at her, saw those clear and clever eyes harboring obvious wariness, knowingly hummed in acknowledgment, gave her the ice pack in his hand, and found two boxes of anti-swelling and anti-inflammatory medicine from the medical kit, placing them on the seat beside her.

“Thank you.”

Yu Jiuqi pressed the ice pack against the swollen red area on the left side of her head, tilted her head, and briefly looked him over. Still wearing the same clothes from last time he came back, only changing to a light gray sweater underneath. His complexion wasn’t very good, his eyes showed fatigue, with a layer of light stubble emerging, so she politely asked: “Haven’t been resting well lately?”

Sun Xi instinctively wanted to cover something up, thought about it seriously, and forced himself to face it: “Not too well.”

Yu Jiuqi was slightly surprised, remembering his crazy feat of spending 900,000 to buy temporary peace of mind, then thinking of his sudden appearance downstairs at her home, suspecting that these waves of troubles had provoked him to the breaking point. A question flashed through her mind and she asked it out loud:

“Did you come to find my mom?”

“Why would I look for her?”

“Did Tingting send you to settle accounts with us?”

“No.” He forced himself again: “Tingting doesn’t know I came back.”

“Then how did you…”

“What do you think?” Sun Xi looked up at her.

Yu Jiuqi avoided his gaze, pressing the ice pack: “If you haven’t used up your long vacation, wouldn’t it be nice to find a good place to rest?”

“Where would be a good place?”

“Go to Sanya, it’s warm there. Shicheng is so cold.”

Sun Xi glanced at her, just about to say even if you want to drive me away, there’s no need to push me all the way to Sanya, when Yu Jiuqi suddenly cried out “Aiya,” bent down and lunged toward him, muttering words under her breath.

“There’s someone, Sun Xi, there’s someone outside!”

As she spoke, her lower body crouched down while her upper body stretched toward Sun Xi’s side, wanting to completely hide herself. But his legs were so long that even bent they occupied most of the space. Xiao Jiu could only lie on his legs, her head knocking against his knee.

Sun Xi hadn’t yet figured out what was happening and, afraid she would hit her swollen wound, cushioned her left side with his hand, just happening to grasp the hand she was using to hold the ice pack, not letting go.

“Is she still there?” Xiao Jiu asked in a low voice.

“Who?”

“Outside the window, the auntie selling grilled cold noodles! From the first floor of our building!”

Sun Xi looked toward the window on her side. Outside the window, there was indeed a middle-aged woman in bulky thick cotton clothes and wearing a headscarf pushing a cart selling grilled cold noodles and fried cakes passing by. She walked over, looking toward his car, then lowered her head, picked up an empty plastic bottle someone had thrown there, crushed it flat with both hands, and folded it.

“Has she left?” Xiao Jiu’s face was pressed against his leg, and she urgently instructed, “Don’t stare at her, don’t let her recognize us! Glance secretly, tell me when she’s gone!”

Sun Xi kind of wanted to laugh: “Don’t worry, she can’t see who you are. My glass has a protective film on it, it’s not completely transparent.”

The embarrassing sudden situation instead made them relax. Xiao Jiu thought of today’s unlucky encounters and couldn’t help arguing with him: “Come on, didn’t someone at the picking garden fool you into that? Last time at the picking garden, Tingting’s friend saw there were people in the car, otherwise my head wouldn’t be swollen!”

His tone also relaxed somewhat: “But they didn’t figure out it was you, did they?”

“Even if they didn’t figure it out, I still got beaten, didn’t I?”

“How did your mom find out?”

“She discovered the receipt from buying strawberries.”

Sun Xi thought of something from long ago: “Never learned your lesson.”

Yu Jiuqi turned her head slightly: “So I deserved it?”

Sun Xi held her hand, steadying it: “No.”

“No?”

“It’s my fault.”

Then almost subconsciously, Sun Xi’s thumb gently caressed and rubbed against her little finger, sliding out a familiar tingling sensation that immediately plunged both of them into unspeakable awkwardness.

Yu Jiuqi instantly held her breath, her brain racing at high speed. Her little finger moved slightly away from his thumb, wanting to pretend that the intimate gesture just now was her illusion.

But the silence above her head where she couldn’t even hear breathing, and his increasingly stiff body, told her not to deceive herself.

After a stalemate for a while, Xiao Jiu asked quietly: “Still hasn’t left?”

Sun Xi turned his head to look outside, seeing that the auntie had already pushed her cart away, gone far away. He remained silent for a while before saying: “She’s gone.”

Yu Jiuqi immediately raised her head, sat up straight, tidied her hair, took down the ice pack, and glanced slightly at the person beside her who seemed nonchalant. She suddenly felt that this SUV famous for its spacious and comfortable large space was blatant false advertising and should be exposed on the 315 consumer protection show. And why was it inexplicably hot? Xiao Jiu couldn’t help loosening the short scarf around her neck.

At the same time, Sun Xi suddenly stood up, bent over and reached forward to the front seat, turning down the air conditioning temperature a bit, then unexpectedly moved back, just happening to bump into Yu Jiuqi who was adjusting her scarf, touching her arm.

Yu Jiuqi hurriedly shifted her position, but whether it was that this car’s space was truly cramped, or that Sun Xi happened to have broad shoulders, long legs, and took up space, after a series of maneuvers trying to avoid each other, the two people somehow lacked coordination and bumped into each other again. Sun Xi’s shoulder forcefully brushed against the wound on Xiao Jiu’s left temple.

She hummed softly with a muffled sound, frowning and turning her head away.

Realizing what happened, he said sorry again, saying he didn’t notice, and asked if he hurt her.

Yu Jiuqi suddenly felt an inexplicable irritation. For a moment she couldn’t explain what the source of the irritation was, she just felt she couldn’t keep up the act anymore. And didn’t want to pretend anymore.

She could handle his repeated blackmail-like entanglements borrowing money, then turning around and paying herself back with two extra zeros. She was confident she could find excuses to dismiss that confession phone call as momentary confusion, and could even turn a blind eye to the vulnerability he exposed in another phone call.

Even though he had driven ten hours on a long trip back today just because of this little matter, Xiao Jiu could also find reasons to convince herself not to be consumed by it.

But at this moment, she suddenly couldn’t hold it together anymore. She couldn’t stand being in this enclosed space with him any longer. She wanted to leave, wanted to open the door and leave immediately, but before leaving, she also felt some things should be made clear.

So her tone was no longer polite: “Sun Xi, actually you really don’t need to come back. It’s not a big deal, no one needs you to come back.” She paused, then said ruthlessly, “You’ve been doing quite well in Beijing these years, just live your life well.”

Sun Xi was stunned at first, then pursed his lips knowingly. He was too familiar with this cold-hearted side of her. Everyone said Yu Xiao Jiu was warm, thoughtful, and pure-hearted, but with Sun Xi she was often the executioner who struck swiftly with her blade.

And what about him? His peripheral vision caught a glimpse of her icy side profile, following along that upturned stubborn nose tip to see outside the window by the roadside a ugly snowman with a head about to fall off that some child had built. He suddenly felt he was that cheap fool who voluntarily bound his own hands and stretched his neck under her guillotine.

So he gritted his teeth: “Good in what way?”

Yu Jiuqi didn’t understand his meaning and frowned at him.

“You said I’m doing well in Beijing, so tell me, good in what way?” Sun Xi suddenly stared at her with interest, his eyes deep and dark. “Can you name three things?”

“Three what?”

“Three pieces of evidence that I’m doing well in Beijing.”

Yu Jiuqi knew he was being unreasonable, knew there was no point continuing to talk, and tidied her clothes: “It’s not early, I should go back. I have to get up early tomorrow.”

Then, as if afraid Sun Xi would keep pestering her, without waiting for him to speak, she suddenly turned her head and solemnly emphasized: “Tomorrow we’re going to the ancestral graves in the countryside, to pay respects to my aunt and grandmother.”

Sun Xi was instantly defeated. The guillotine fell, his head dropped to the ground and rolled several times. He could even smell the scorching bloody scent gushing from within his own body.

Before that fresh bloody smell had dispersed, Yu Jiuqi quickly opened the door and got out of the car. She didn’t take the medicine either and left with her head down.

Sun Xi turned his head away, his jaw tense with a sharp fold.

When Yu Jiuqi returned home it was already eleven at night. Wen Wen’s bedroom door was still closed, with only a small lamp left on by the door.

Without taking off her down jacket, she stayed in the living room for a while. After confirming Wen Wen was sound asleep, she quietly went up to the attic, came to the outdoor balcony, took two big steps among the various items frozen solid, and came to the railing hanging with icicles. She stuck her head out to look and indeed could see the intersection.

Her long eyelashes fluttered up and down, and the faint white mist she exhaled was quickly swallowed by the cold condensed air.

That car had already disappeared.

As if it had never appeared.

Although she had set her alarm for seven-thirty, Xiao Jiu woke up around six the next morning. The sky hadn’t yet fully brightened. She turned on the bedside lamp and walked out to see that Wen Wen was already fully dressed and busy in the living room.

She was organizing the items for the memorial service that Yu Kaixuan had bought, sorting them by category, estimating the types and quantities of offerings, picking and choosing the better ones to take along, and counting the paper money and ingot offerings, muttering that he had bought too much.

When she muttered this, Xiao Jiu took the opportunity to proactively ease their relationship, trying to say as naturally and lightly as possible: “It’s fine, Mom, let’s take it all. Dad’s driving anyway.” She quickly added, “I’ll call Dad and ask if he’s up yet, so we’re not late.”

“No need, I already contacted him. He’s on the road.” Wen Wen’s eyes drifted around without landing on Xiao Jiu’s face, her tone gentle yet carrying a trace of fatigue. “I’m going downstairs. The steamed buns your dad bought aren’t fresh anymore, I’ll go buy some new ones.”

“I’ll go, Mom.”

“No need, you go wash your face quickly.”

Wen Wen casually put on Yu Jiuqi’s down jacket hanging by the door and went out. Xiao Jiu went over to look at the “not fresh” steamed bun offerings she had rejected—plump and round, not spoiled, just slightly hard from sitting overnight. She suddenly remembered how her mother had looked when leaving just now, her eyes seemed swollen too.

A sour, swelling warmth welled up in her heart, and she didn’t know which nerve it traveled along, but it instantly stung her eyes with pain.

Yu Kaixuan arrived before eight. The three of them didn’t say much, silently spending some time transporting things downstairs, still stuffing part into the trunk and part in the back seat. After settling everything, they set off directly. Xiao Jiu sat in the back, Wen Wen in the passenger seat. After Yu Kaixuan got in the car, he pulled out a bag of snacks from under the seat, saying Meng Huihong had prepared these for them to eat on the road.

Every year they went back to the ancestral graves in the countryside to pay respects twice. During Qingming, Meng Huihong would come along too, but on this anniversary day, it was only their family of three. The ancestral graves were in a rural county over a hundred kilometers away, which was Old Man Wen’s hometown. The rural roads weren’t easy to navigate, plus with winter roads being slippery, driving there took at least two hours.

As soon as Wen Wen got in the car, she leaned against the seat, her long hair loose covering her face, turning her head to look out the window, occasionally chewing on the snacks in her hand, remaining silent throughout. Afraid Dad would be bored driving, Yu Jiuqi kept finding various topics to talk about along the way.

Xiao Jiu had always been good at creating atmosphere and chatting, always able to precisely find topics that interested the other person. She had Yu Kaixuan completely figured out—just mention slightly his glorious historical exploits from his youth, and without saying much more, Brother Erkai would launch into an emotionally charged stand-up comedy routine on his own.

Xiao Jiu would just occasionally play the straight man, and Dad would excitedly chat for over an hour. The car had also entered the rural road section. Xiao Jiu looked out the window at the wilderness covered in white snow, distant mountain ranges winding and overlapping. Snow covered the green pines, and the green pines were buried in snow. The sky had brightened fully, sunlight scattering on the white forest and fields like scattered crushed crystal, rippling up a sheet of silver brightness.

“Jiu, look at that big slope!”

Yu Kaixuan suddenly called out, pointing to a steep slope covered in accumulated snow outside the window: “Do you remember, when you were little I brought you here to play in the snow? Your uncle made an iron sled himself. I tied you on it and pushed you down from the slope. You were screaming your head off. When your mom found out, she almost buried me alive in the snow!”

Xiao Jiu glanced at her mom diagonally opposite and saw her give a slight chuckling laugh, so she said: “Of course I remember! Another year here too, that year the snow was especially heavy, heavier than in the city. My legs sank in and I couldn’t pull them out. I just stood there crying, and you two just stood nearby laughing without helping me. I was so angry.”

Yu Kaixuan laughed heartily: “You insisted there were ginseng babies in the snow pulling at you. Your mom and I laughed until our sides hurt.”

Xiao Jiu also smiled, squinting her eyes at the winter scenery of Grandpa’s hometown outside the window: “Dad, tell me, why was the snow so big back then? We haven’t seen snow that big in many years.”

“Yeah,” Yu Kaixuan also turned to look out the window, not knowing what he was remembering, “I haven’t seen it in many years either.”

The car fell silent for a while. The road became increasingly bumpy, and then somehow, rocking and swaying, Yu Jiuqi suddenly thought of the matter she hadn’t faced last night and that question she had refused to answer.

The silver-bright snow dazzled her eyes until they ached. She was suddenly struck by a wave of self-reproach and frustration.

She seemed to always reserve the worst aspects of her nature for Sun Xi.

She knew too well how to hurt him. As long as she hardened her heart, she could viciously make him feel defeated. Over all these years, she had almost never failed.

Perhaps it was hypocritical, but honestly speaking, she did this only because she didn’t want him to suffer again like before. He was an innocent person. He had already lost so much. He should go embrace a new life, not return to Shicheng to accept judgment from the past.

After carefully formulating her words, she finally unlocked her phone. As the car drove toward Grandpa’s village, she carefully composed several WeChat messages to Sun Xi.

[Sun Xi, I’ve thought about it, I sincerely believe you’re living quite well in Beijing.]

[Look, you have a house and car there, decent work, you can settle down stably.]

[You also have friends. Chen Mulin can be unreliable sometimes, but he’s loyal to you.]

[Also, no one there knows about these Shicheng matters. You don’t have to care about others’ opinions, you can live more freely.]

[It really is quite good.]

After the messages were sent, there was no response for a long time. Suddenly, Wen Wen in the front seat turned around, extended her slender hand, waved it, and passed over a pack of gummy candies she was eating.

Xiao Jiu was stunned for a moment, seeing her mother’s eyes still swollen, but that hint of apologetic placation in her eyes was unmistakable. She reached out and took a green apple-flavored one, smiling sweetly at her.

She thought everything was getting better.

At this moment, Sun Xi replied.

[Do you really think so?]

[Yes.]

[Really that good?]

[Yes.]

[Bullshit.]

Xiao Jiu was slightly stunned.

[That’s not what you said when you dumped me back then.]