The implication was that after he fell asleep, she would leave.
Cui Jinbai thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but under her gentle gaze, he couldn’t resist his heavy eyelids. Despite struggling to stay awake, he ultimately couldn’t fight against the drowsiness brought on by his weakened body.
In truth, Bu Shulin had lit an incense in the room given by Shen Xihe that had calming properties. It could induce peaceful sleep, and upon waking, one would feel energized.
When Cui Jinbai woke up, he indeed felt much better. During his sleep, Bu Shulin had invited Xie Yunhuai to check his pulse and prescribe medicine. When he awoke, someone brought him medicinal soup. Though he initially didn’t want to drink it, when the servant said, “The Prince brought this personally,” he lifted the bowl and drank it all without even furrowing his brow.
After drinking the medicine and washing up, changing into clean clothes, just as he was about to tie his hair, Yinshan came over: “Young Master Cui, the Prince requests your presence for a conversation.”
Cui Jinbai didn’t bother with his loose hair, immediately rising to follow Yinshan, gesturing for him to lead the way.
Yinshan merely glanced at Cui Jinbai’s disheveled appearance without comment and led him to Bu Shulin.
Dusk had fallen, stars dotted the night sky, a gentle breeze stirred, and lantern flames flickered.
As Cui Jinbai walked along the winding corridor, he saw lanterns hanging on both sides, reminding him of that Lantern Festival years ago when, amidst the flash of swords, he had realized his true feelings for her.
Candlelight filtered through various colored lanterns, casting scattered light that made the deep courtyard appear dreamlike.
In the lakeside pavilion, a table was set, with Bu Shulin kneeling on one side, facing the approach. Hearing soft footsteps, and watching him approach step by step, this was Bu Shulin’s first time seeing Cui Jinbai with his hair down.
For noble families’ young masters, proper deportment and neat appearance were ingrained teachings. Especially when meeting guests, loose hair was considered extremely disrespectful, and only permissible among the closest family. Bu Shulin’s eyes flickered in the multicolored candlelight.
Cui Jinbai had reached her presence. She raised her usual carefree smile and pointed to the opposite side: “Sit.”
His gaze followed her fingertips to the prepared cushion, and Cui Jinbai sat down with an elegant posture.
Yinshan led away Cui Jinbai’s servant, leaving only the two of them in the quiet night.
Bu Shulin poured him tea: “Your injuries haven’t healed, you shouldn’t drink alcohol. Let’s enjoy tea and conversation, which can be equally pleasant.”
Staring at her without blinking, Cui Jinbai asked: “What do you want to tell me?”
After his sleep, Cui Jinbai had figured it out – there were things she wanted to say, if not today then another day.
Bu Shulin’s smile remained as she naturally rotated the teacup in her hands, took a smiling sip, then said: “I have feelings for you.”
Cui Jinbai’s pupils dilated instantly. He had prepared for the worst – her mockery, her indifference, her disgust and anger. The only thing he hadn’t expected was her confessing her feelings!
His heart soared from rock bottom to the clouds in an instant, his whole body going weak, a tingling sensation spreading throughout.
“But I must take a wife.”
What does it mean to go from heaven to hell in an instant?
While his heart was still burning hot, an icy chill descended like a blanket, leaving his still-burning heart struggling helplessly in a frozen wasteland.
After such great joy followed by such deep sorrow, Cui Jinbai’s expression was indescribable.
Bu Shulin lowered her eyes: “Zhihe, my father is failing. Soon, I must return to South Shu. I cannot let the Bu family line end. Father’s last wish is for me to have an heir.”
She wouldn’t terminate this child. She had decided to give birth to it, boy or girl, they would be the young master or mistress of the South Shu Prince’s mansion.
A force gripped Cui Jinbai’s throat, leaving him only able to tremble his pale lips without making a sound.
She didn’t know what choice would be best for Cui Jinbai. From beginning to end, she had selfishly calculated only for herself and the Bu family. She admitted she had feelings for Cui Jinbai, but these feelings weren’t enough for her to lose rationality and gamble with the Bu family and South Shu.
What was the point of being honest with Cui Jinbai? She still had to fake a marriage, and even if she told him the marriage was just for show, could they stay together?
Too naive. Once His Majesty began suspecting her identity, watching her every move closely, she would only have a chance to breathe if she safely retreated to South Shu. But what about him? What about the Cui family?
If they didn’t end things, and he learned they had a child bound by blood, how could he control himself? Once His Majesty noticed, wouldn’t he use Cui Jinbai to threaten her? What would she do then? Reveal her identity to save him, or coldly abandon him?
Either outcome would only lead to deeper wounds, pushing them into an even more impossible situation.
Cui Jinbai’s chest ached with a dull pain. He had considered how difficult it would be for two men to be together, and even when Bu Shulin had previously said she wouldn’t let the Bu family line end, he had been able to say he didn’t mind. But now he found himself unable to speak.
So it was true that in this world, even mutual love couldn’t guarantee staying together.
The bright candlelight illuminated his reddened eyes. After a long while, Cui Jinbai finally said hoarsely: “I’ll wait for you…”
Bu Shulin’s fingers trembled, tears flashed in her eyes but quickly disappeared. She spoke in a carefree tone: “A real man shouldn’t be constrained by matters of the heart. Who knows when we’ll meet again, Zhihe? I could have kept quiet about my feelings or used this incident to make a clean break, never to meet again.
But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to deceive myself or others, nor leave any regrets. I chose to speak out because I intended to let go.
You should let go too. Let’s both free ourselves, and each other.
Since I’m taking a wife, I won’t selfishly wrong or hurt her.”
His Majesty was in his prime; changing the heavens would be too difficult. She didn’t want Cui Jinbai to waste his life for her, and only if he let go could she have fewer worries and attachments.
“If my earlier words burden your heart, I take them back,” Cui Jinbai quietly watched her.
Taking back words didn’t mean not following through with them.
The usually dense Bu Shulin rarely understood such subtle implications. She paused for a moment, her gaze lingering on the rippling lake surface for a long while before suddenly smiling: “Very well, then you must take good care of yourself, so you can wait for me for a few more years…”
“How dare I die if you haven’t returned?” His grey eyes borrowed a beam of light from the lanterns, becoming bright and alive.
Bu Shulin’s heart lightened. She raised her teacup with both hands: “This cup is to us. When we meet again, we’ll never part.”
Cui Jinbai didn’t hesitate, smiling as their eyes met: “When we meet again, we’ll never part.”