Zhou Wan had a rare restless night.
She didn’t understand what Lu Xixiao’s words meant.
She’d thought that after he told her to “get lost” last time, their connection would end there. She wouldn’t use Lu Xixiao anymore, and she wouldn’t let him know about her relationship with Guo Xiangling.
But now, Lu Xixiao seemed… to have gotten over his anger.
The next morning, Zhou Wan went to school yawning.
After two-morning classes came to the long break. Zhou Wan was called to the office by her physics teacher. With the national competition approaching, the physics teacher gave her two competition books, with another set for Jiang Yan.
The competition books were thick and heavy, weighing down her arm.
Zhou Wan carried the books back to class, passing by Class 7’s classroom.
A group of boys gathered by the corridor window, including Jiang Fan, who greeted her.
Many students were around, and the gap between them and Zhou Wan was too obvious—any interaction drew attention.
She responded with a slightly awkward smile.
Continuing forward, passing Jiang Fan, she suddenly saw from the corner of her eye as he raised his hand and called out loudly: “Xiao!”
Zhou Wan’s steps faltered, her heartbeat quickening. She didn’t dare look up at him.
Step by step, getting closer.
She saw Lu Xixiao’s shoetips right in front of her.
Zhou Wan moved to the side, but just as she took a step forward, a hand grabbed her arm, pulling her back a step.
Zhou Wan looked up.
Lu Xixiao looked down at her. Today he was wearing the school uniform—the blue and white uniform looked particularly good on him, highlighting his youthful vitality. He raised an eyebrow and asked flatly: “Didn’t see me?”
Zhou Wan said softly: “Mm.”
He laughed lightly: “You think I’m stupid?”
“…”
Behind them came a chorus of teasing “ooh”s.
Zhou Wan blushed under everyone’s gaze, silently trying to pull her sleeve free.
Lu Xixiao released her: “Still going there tonight?”
“Not today, I need to visit the doctor who treated my grandmother at the hospital.”
“Oh.”
Zhou Wan: “I’ll go now then.”
Lu Xixiao simply stepped aside to let her pass.
*
It started drizzling again when school let out. Zhou Wan took the bus to People’s Hospital.
Taking the report from Dr. Chen, Zhou Wan read it and said: “Grandmother has been feeling unwell much more frequently than before, but why are these indicators still similar to before?”
Dr. Chen: “Your grandmother is elderly, her immunity will gradually weaken, so those symptoms become more pronounced. There’s nothing we can do about that, we can only try to alleviate them.”
“So dialysis can’t help either?”
Dr. Chen patted her shoulder and said gently: “Wanwan, I told you from the beginning that dialysis isn’t a cure. However—”
He suddenly paused.
Zhou Wan: “What?”
“The hospital recently has new kidney sources. For your grandmother’s condition, there’s only one way to cure it completely—kidney transplant.”
After a pause, Dr. Chen continued, “But there are some things I need to tell you in advance. Your grandmother is elderly, such a major surgery carries risks. Also, organ transplant surgery is very expensive. These are all things you need to carefully consider and discuss.”
“How much does it cost?”
“You need to prepare at least 300,000 yuan.”
Zhou Wan gripped her backpack strap tightly.
Such a large sum—Zhou Wan certainly couldn’t afford it.
But she also couldn’t accept watching her grandmother grow thinner day by day until she burned out her last drop of life.
If there was any chance of recovery, Zhou Wan wouldn’t give up.
Grandmother was her closest person.
She was her only close person now.
She couldn’t lose her grandmother.
She had already lost too much; this was all she had left.
If grandmother left too, she would truly have nothing.
“About the surgery money…” Zhou Wan said softly but firmly, “I’ll figure something out. Please let me know if there’s a suitable kidney source.”
Dr. Chen: “Are you sure? Don’t want to think about it more?”
“Mm, in a few days, I’ll bring grandmother for another full checkup, to see if her body is suitable for transplant surgery.”
“Alright.”
Dr. Chen looked at the girl before him, her frame slight but full of resilience. After a while, he added, “This isn’t a small amount. There are some dangerous loans out there lately—whatever you do, don’t take the wrong path.”
Zhou Wan smiled: “Thank you, Dr. Chen. I won’t. I’ll… call my mom first to ask.”
Hearing these words, the nurse standing nearby changed expression, seeming about to speak up, but seeing Dr. Chen’s glance, closed her mouth again.
Zhou Wan went to the hallway and dialed Guo Xiangling’s number.
“Wanwan.” Guo Xiangling’s tone was intimate. “What do you need from Mom?”
Zhou Wan leaned against the wall, lowering her eyelids and letting out a soft breath: “Grandmother’s illness, she might need surgery later, the doctor…”
Before she could finish, Guo Xiangling interrupted: “Isn’t she already getting dialysis costing thousands every month? Why surgery now? Did your grandmother tell you to ask me for money?”
These words made Zhou Wan uncomfortable. She frowned: “Of course not.”
“Fine.” Guo Xiangling asked as if compromising: “How much?”
“Three hundred thousand.”
“Three hundred thousand!?” Guo Xiangling shrieked. “Is that doctor trying to scam money?!”
Before Zhou Wan could say anything, Guo Xiangling changed her tone, speaking as if giving earnest advice: “Wanwan, you’ll understand later how hard it is to earn money. Your grandmother is so old—forget whether she can even survive such surgery, to be blunt, even if she recovers, how many more years can she live? Spending hundreds of thousands to buy four or five, six or seven years of life—it’s not worth it.”
Not worth it.
Everything in Guo Xiangling’s eyes could be priced, and measured in money.
Spending three hundred thousand for a few years of grandmother’s life—not worth it.
Trading her comfortable future to make her daughter’s growth less difficult—is also not worth it.
Zhou Wan lowered her eyes, not wanting to argue: “I’m not asking for your money. I just want to use the money Dad saved before for grandmother’s treatment.”
“Your father’s savings?” Guo Xiangling laughed harshly. “Wanwan, you overestimate your father. He was just a teacher—how much could he save?”
Guo Xiangling used to argue with Zhou Jun frequently.
Some wealthy families at school would spoil their children’s teachers, giving red envelopes during holidays as “care fees.”
Zhou Jun would always return them completely, earning countless scoldings from Guo Xiangling, who called him a pretentious pauper.
Though Zhou Jun couldn’t accept her views, he would just smile and let it pass each time.
Guo Xiangling: “When you were little, though we couldn’t give you the very best, we did give you the best we could afford. The expenses weren’t small. Then your father’s funeral, your grandmother’s illness, and all the big and small expenses over the years—calculate it yourself. Forget 300,000, we can’t even come up with 30,000.”
…
Zhou Wan didn’t get the money.
She leaned against the hospital’s white wall, sniffled, and returned to Dr. Chen’s office.
Just as she reached the door, she heard voices inside and suddenly stopped.
“Why didn’t you let me advise Wanwan earlier?” It was the nurse’s voice. “You knew her mother wouldn’t give that much money.”
Dr. Chen: “No matter how you advised, it wouldn’t work unless she went through this herself.”
“But now you’ve just made her sad for nothing.” The nurse sighed. “Back then Zhou Jun was so good to her. As soon as his tumor was discovered, didn’t Guo Xiangling immediately agree to give up treatment?”
“The hospital sees life and death every day. Haven’t you seen enough of such things?”
“I just can’t accept it! Her husband was such a good person, and their daughter is so sensible—how could she be so heartless!”
Immediately agreed to give up treatment.
Immediately agreed to give up treatment.
Immediately agreed to give up treatment.
…
These words kept colliding in Zhou Wan’s mind.
She turned the doorknob.
The nurse saw her, startled, then noticed her bright red eyes and became flustered: “Wanwan…”
“So, back then, my father could have survived.” Zhou Wan said word by word.
Dr. Chen quickly walked to her, gripping her shoulders: “Wanwan, listen to me. Your father was already in the late stages, the cancer had spread, and it was too late.”
“But he could have lived longer.” Zhou Wan’s eyes were red as if about to drip blood. “Right?”
This time Dr. Chen couldn’t say anything.
Zhou Wan’s chest heaved violently as she struggled to control her choked voice: “She killed my father.”
“Wanwan, you were young then. Your father didn’t want me to tell you the details of his condition. At that time, your father himself decided to give up treatment.”
Dr. Chen’s voice was gentle, just like how her father used to speak to her—
“He said his Wanwan was a very smart child, would certainly achieve great things, and would have a broad future and deep understanding. Wanwan would travel the world for him, live well for him.”
“So he didn’t want to merely survive—firstly, he didn’t want you to see him wasted by chemotherapy, and secondly, he wanted to save some money, so Wanwan would have money to buy tickets on her journey forward.”
“He wanted Wanwan to be a free and carefree child, to always have the courage to step forward, and the resources to start over.”
So Wanwan would have money to buy tickets on her journey forward.
This was Zhou Jun’s wish.
Yet it was a luxury the current Zhou Wan had never dared to imagine.
She was a young eagle—she could fly forward, but there was always a rope restraining her, pulling her back whenever she flew too far.
Pulling until it hurt, until her feathers fell, until she was bloody and raw.
*
The street lamp in the alley was dim, crisscrossing power lines tangled overhead, black and heavy like the entire night was about to descend.
She understood her father’s thinking.
She could also understand his decision to give up treatment.
But all these truths came too suddenly, making them impossible to bear.
Of everything, what she couldn’t forgive most was Guo Xiangling.
She couldn’t imagine how her father felt when, after deciding to give up treatment, he heard his wife of many years, whom he had loved and cared for, immediately agree.
He must have felt at least a bit of regret and hurt.
And Zhou Wan understood something more clearly.
Guo Xiangling did this not for her or their family, but entirely for herself.
So, she had killed Father.
Zhou Wan’s heart felt like something was gripping it, dripping wet blood.
She was usually an extremely rational person, but now, some emotions seemed to be spinning out of control, stepping toward an increasingly terrible direction.
She had never hated Guo Xiangling as much as she did now.
She even had a dark, vicious thought—
Why wasn’t it Guo Xiangling who died back then?
This thought scared even Zhou Wan when it emerged.
But that was all—the thought didn’t disappear. She just thought self-mockingly that she was more like Guo Xiangling after all. If it were Father, he would never have such thoughts.
She wanted to make Guo Xiangling lose everything.
She wanted to make Guo Xiangling pay the price.
She wanted to make Guo Xiangling suffer until she couldn’t bear to live.
She could even give up her future to win back some justice for her father.
Thinking this, she walked forward with a lowered head, suddenly bumping into someone’s chest.
Looking up, she met Lu Xixiao’s eyes, carrying their usual indifference despite his smile.
He reached out, his fingertip touching her face lightly: “Been standing here half the day, pretending not to see me again?”
Zhou Wan didn’t know why, but at this moment an overwhelming sense of grievance surged through her heart and nose. Her eyes quickly moistened, her breathing becoming chaotic and fragile, a tear falling to the ground.
She tried to lower her head in embarrassment, but Lu Xixiao caught her chin and lifted it.
He wasn’t flustered by her sudden tears, just raised an eyebrow and asked flatly: “What’s wrong, who bullied you?”
She couldn’t speak, couldn’t get any words out. Something blocked her throat, only let out a few wet sobs as more tears fell, dampening his fingertips.
Lu Xixiao bent down, his fingertips following her eyelashes, wiping away tears.
He sighed and said softly: “What are you afraid of? I’ll get revenge for you.”
This time, Zhou Wan couldn’t hold back anymore.
With her chin in Lu Xixiao’s hand, she could only keep her head up as tears fell in big drops, wetting her entire face. She couldn’t even hold back her whimpers, crying out loud.
Lu Xixiao had seen many girls cry, but never like Zhou Wan.
She was usually reserved and quiet, but now she was overwhelmed by boundless sorrow.
It was an almost desperate cry, self-destructive, without any pretense.
Finally, he raised his hand, wrapped it around her neck to cover her wet eyes, and pulled the girl into his embrace.
“Zhou Wan.” His voice was magnetic, next to her ear. “Want to go play?”
Zhou Wan’s tears quickly escaped through his fingers, wetting his clothes.
After a long while, she slowly raised her arms and wrapped them around Lu Xixiao’s waist.
She closed her eyes, and tightened her arms, feeling his warmth and scent.
Zhou Wan’s voice was broken as she struggled to say, “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
She only said: “I’m sorry, Lu Xixiao.”
Even her breathing and voice were broken.
Lu Xixiao didn’t understand what she was apologizing for, but seeing her state, he didn’t pursue it. He just laughed and said: “You should be sorry—you’ll have to wash these clothes clean.”