The bedroom was very quiet. The wind grew stronger, and outside the bedroom, the branches of the old tree rattled against the window glass.

Zhou Wan sat up, rubbed her sleepy eyes, silently yawned, and obediently made a sound of agreement: “What should we talk about?”

“Did you apply the medicine?”

“Yes.”

Lu Xixiao wasn’t skilled at finding topics, lazily leaning against the headboard, his legs bent, appearing indifferent, not speaking.

Zhou Wan hugged her legs, rested her chin on her knees, and after waiting a while said: “Lu Xixiao.”

“Mm?”

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“Nah.”

Zhou Wan looked at the clock through the pale moonlight: “It’s so late, staying up isn’t good for your health.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re sleepy,” Lu Xixiao laughed, “You’re quite good at coaxing people.”

“…”

“Go to sleep,” Lu Xixiao finished his cigarette and said, “Good night.”

*

The next day, when Zhou Wan woke up, she found her ankle wasn’t as swollen as the night before, but the bruising had surfaced, looking quite frightening. It burned with pain when she stepped on it.

She took a taxi to school and limped into the classroom.

Yesterday’s basketball game incident had already been posted on the school’s forum. Though Gu Meng had already left then, she could see it online, and as soon as she saw Zhou Wan, she pulled her aside to ask if she was okay.

“I’m fine,” Zhou Wan smiled, “Just twisted my ankle a bit.”

“It looks really serious though. Those No. 18 School people are worthless – playing dirty in basketball is one thing, but how could they involve you?”

Zhou Wan shook her head: “Really, it’s nothing.”

Just as Gu Meng was about to say more, the vice class monitor suddenly knocked on the door frame: “Zhou Wan, the teacher wants to see you.”

Gu Meng insisted on helping her to the office door.

Zhou Wan pushed in, and the homeroom teacher waved her over: “Zhou Wan, come here.”

“The National Physics Competition time has been set for next March. Not much time is left after excluding winter break. The school takes this competition very seriously and plans to arrange a special tutor from another school for you and Jiang Yan. Starting tomorrow, you’ll both have tutoring during self-study periods and for an hour after school.”

Zhou Wan froze, about to speak, but was interrupted by the homeroom teacher, who understood what she was going to say.

“Teacher also knows about your family situation, knows your hardships and difficulties, but you need to look at the bigger picture. Your future is far beyond what it is now, and you must be clear about what’s truly important for you.”

The teacher said, “So I hope you’ll seriously consider this. Try not to do part-time work during this period. If you have any difficulties, you can come to me. Focus all your attention on the competition. You’re a smart girl – if you put in the time and effort, you’ll do well in the competition.”

Understanding the teacher’s good intentions, and knowing that the national competition papers had greatly increased in difficulty, Zhou Wan was also feeling somewhat overwhelmed and had been considering this issue before.

Moreover, now she had that money from Guo Xiangling, so at least there wasn’t any urgent need.

Zhou Wan nodded and thanked the teacher.

Just as she was about to leave, the teacher called her back: “Zhou Wan.”

His expression was somewhat hesitant as he looked at Zhou Wan for a moment, then said: “Some things, you need to learn to evaluate for yourself.”

Zhou Wan froze: “What?”

“Teachers have heard what many students have been discussing lately, about you and that Lu Xixiao from Class 7,” the homeroom teacher said, “That boy never comes to school, and he’s absent again today. The teacher believes you’re a smart child, you should understand.”

The homeroom teacher was probably also misled by Zhou Wan’s appearance, thinking Lu Xixiao was actively pursuing her.

Little did he know that all of this was her carefully planned, intentional approach.

Zhou Wan lowered her eyes, maintaining a neutral expression: “Mm, I understand.”

*

Leaving the office to return to class, she passed by Class 7’s door.

Sure enough, Lu Xixiao hadn’t come to school, his seat empty.

Until school ended, Lu Xixiao hadn’t come to school, nor had he contacted her on WeChat.

Zhou Wan called the arcade owner and explained her situation. The owner had been good friends with Zhou Jun before, so naturally agreed immediately. “It’s fine, it’s easy to find someone else for that position anyway,” the owner said.

“Then I’ll take a few days off from school first, and leave after you find someone.”

“It’s fine, it’s just a small business anyway. These are weekdays, so closing for a few days is no problem. You go home and rest today.”

Zhou Wan paused slightly: “Today is possible, we haven’t started tutoring yet.”

The owner laughed: “Really, no need. It’s just one evening. You should go home and rest today. Uncle is waiting to see you get into Tsinghua University to be our arcade’s star attraction.”

Unable to resist the owner’s insistence, Zhou Wan thanked him, apologized again, and hung up.

Walking out the school gate, she suddenly heard a group of girls discussing ahead:

“My cousin is from No. 18 School, heard that today Lu Xixiao went to No. 18 and beat up Luo He again, sent him straight to the hospital.”

Zhou Wan’s heart skipped a beat, then started beating violently, triggering a sense of unease.

“Holy shit, is that true? Is it because of that thing about Zhou Wan on the forum?”

“It must be, right? Why else? Lu Xixiao used to never bother with Luo He, but this time he went straight to No. 18 to ambush him.”

“Does he actually like Zhou Wan?”

“No way, right? It’s Lu Xixiao – I can’t imagine him truly liking any girl.”

“Haha, right? I thought he liked that ex-girlfriend of his too, but he dumped her in no time.”

Zhou Wan had no interest in hearing the rest.

Her mind only circled what they said about Lu Xixiao going to beat up Luo He, ambushing him at No. 18’s gate.

Zhou Wan endured the pain in her foot and ran a few steps forward, calling out to one of the girls: “Excuse me.”

The girl turned around to find the subject of their gossip suddenly appearing before her, immediately becoming extremely embarrassed, but Zhou Wan didn’t seem angry or there to confront them.

The girl blushed and asked: “What is it?”

“About what you just said about Lu Xixiao…” Zhou Wan paused, “Do you know if he was hurt?”

“Huh?”

The girl blinked, “I’m not sure about that, probably not? Haven’t heard anyone mention it.”

Zhou Wan secretly breathed a sigh of relief: “Thank you.”

She didn’t want Lu Xixiao to get hurt because of her again.

She already owed him too much.

Zhou Wan called Lu Xixiao.

The music rang for quite a while, but no one answered.

Zhou Wan lowered her eyes, and just then an empty taxi came by. Zhou Wan raised her hand to stop it.

The driver asked: “Where to?”

Zhou Wan paused for a long time, then gave Lu Xixiao’s address.

Fifteen minutes later, the taxi stopped in front of that desolate villa.

Zhou Wan thanked the driver, got out, and looked at the yard where several clusters of Fuchsia were planted, dotted here and there in various colors, somewhat messy but still showing that the person who had planted these flowers in the past was probably someone with taste who loved life.

Zhou Wan pressed the doorbell, but no one answered.

She called Lu Xixiao again, but still no answer.

Was he not home?

But besides this, Zhou Wan had no other way to contact Lu Xixiao.

From what she remembered, Lu Xixiao usually went out with his friends in the evenings and probably wouldn’t be back for a while. Zhou Wan sighed and stepped down one step.

At that moment, there was a “click” sound as the door opened behind her.

Lu Xixiao looked at her and raised an eyebrow: “Why are you here?”

“I just heard people saying you got into a fight with Luo He,” Zhou Wan looked at the skin visible from his clothes, “Were you hurt?”

“No.”

He said it very naturally and calmly.

As if fighting with Luo He was for no reason at all, not for her.

Zhou Wan paused, then carefully looked over his face again, and indeed there were no injuries, only then did she breathe a sigh of relief.

Lu Xixiao wore a black jacket, his figure sharp and clean-cut. He turned to lock the door and walked down the steps: “Have you had dinner?”

“Not yet.”

“Then come with me,” Lu Xixiao said flatly, “With my friends.”

Zhou Wan froze, but Lu Xixiao had already continued walking out, so she softly agreed and stretched her leg to follow.

Standing at the front door, Lu Xixiao called another taxi.

He didn’t speak the whole way, seeming still drowsy, his head tilted back with his eyes closed to rest. Zhou Wan turned her head to look at him, and with this movement, she could see his sharp, clean jawline.

Also with this movement, Zhou Wan saw a blood mark below his neck, mostly hidden by his collar, not visible but there.

It must have been an injury from earlier.

Zhou Wan looked away, her emotions at this moment difficult to express.

She could no longer remember what it felt like to have someone stand up for her.

In her memory, there was only once, back in elementary school, when her baby fat hadn’t yet disappeared from her face, her skin was white and her eyes were big, and everyone who saw her said she looked like a doll.

There was a boy in her elementary class who always bullied her to get attention. Once or twice Zhou Wan had good-naturedly let it go, but later it got worse. One time during PE class when they were doing a long jump, he deliberately tripped her, causing her to fall and her leg to bleed.

Although she could understand that children didn’t know the safety risks of such actions, and it wasn’t malicious, that was the only time she ever saw her father get angry.

He refused to easily reconcile with the boy’s parents, insisting that the boy must transfer to another class so he couldn’t get near her or bully her anymore.

Zhou Wan stood behind her father then, his shoulders broad and providing ample sense of security.

It seemed like as long as her father was there, she didn’t have to be afraid of anything.

But life is always full of upheavals if only this could prove life’s impermanence and its ups and downs.

Zhou Wan didn’t know when she had gotten used to providing her sense of security, facing storms by herself. She never thought about telling others when she was hurt or wronged.

Until Lu Xixiao, with his impatient, angry, cold attitude, forced her to express her grievances, and forced her to admit when she was in pain.

…

The car stopped at a large outdoor restaurant.

Although the storefront was old and crowded, there were many people.

As soon as Lu Xixiao got out of the car, someone greeted him, but stopped mid-sentence upon seeing Zhou Wan behind him, nodded, and called out: “Sister-in-law.”

Compared to the previous frivolous teasing, this “sister-in-law” was much more serious.

Zhou Wan froze, then lowered her head slightly: “You can just call me by my name, Zhou Wan.”

“Yes, yes, yes, sister-in-law.”

“…”

Lu Xixiao turned his head to give her a faint look, saying nothing.

Walking into the private room, there were eleven or twelve people inside, all notorious troublemakers from Yangming High School, probably each having received disciplinary actions, regularly featured in criticism reports.

Zhou Wan originally wanted to sit near the door, but a boy inside stood up: “Sister-in-law, sit inside.”

Lu Xixiao lowered his eyes and said softly: “Where do you want to sit?”

The table was too large, and there wasn’t much space to move around in the private room. Getting to the inside would require many people to move. Zhou Wan didn’t want to trouble others: “Here is fine.”

“They’ll need to serve dishes here,” Lu Xixiao said, “Inside is better.”

“…”

Everyone got up to make way, Zhou Wan quietly said “Excuse me” as she moved inside, with Lu Xixiao sitting next to her.

As soon as he sat down, the boy next to him poured him a glass of alcohol.

Lu Xixiao looked at the table, saw no soft drinks, and turned to her: “What do you want to drink?”

“Plain water is fine.”

He frowned slightly: “Want some juice?”

“Anything is fine.”

Just then the server came in, and Lu Xixiao said: “One more watermelon juice.”

The dishes came out one after another, and the group ate and chatted, constantly raising their glasses in toast. Lu Xixiao drank quite a bit, downing half a glass at a time.

Zhou Wan turned to look at him; his face was still clean and clear, showing no signs of intoxication.

Sensing her gaze, Lu Xixiao turned his head, silently raising an eyebrow.

Zhou Wan shook her head: “Nothing.”

He leaned down close to her, coming to her ear, his cool alcohol-tinged breath brushing against it: “I’m going down to pay.”

“Mm.”

As soon as Lu Xixiao left, Zhou Wan’s phone rang – it was Dr. Chen.

Her brow jumped; surely it was about her grandmother’s test results.

Zhou Wan walked to the bathroom to answer the call: “Hello, Dr. Chen.”

“Wan Wan, your grandmother’s test results are in,” Dr. Chen said, “I’ve looked them over, and because of your grandmother’s age, some indicators are very unstable, so surgery might be difficult.”

Zhou Wan froze, feeling all the blood in her body rushing downward, her hands turning ice cold.

“Why?” Zhou Wan barely managed to steady her breathing and voice, “Didn’t you say last time that grandmother’s basic health was good, and she wasn’t particularly old, so surgery shouldn’t be a big problem?”

Dr. Chen paused, seeming to find it very difficult to speak: “This time’s tests showed several new indicators, and the numbers aren’t good.”

Zhou Wan didn’t speak, her mind completely blank.

Dr. Chen spoke soothingly: “Wan Wan, your grandmother’s condition has been quite stable. Surgery also has risks – continuing with the current treatment is a safe approach.”

Zhou Wan’s whole body lost strength, her back sliding down the wall until she crouched on the ground.

She could no longer hold back her sobs, large tears rolling down as she raised her hand to cover her eyes: “But with just this treatment, how many more years can grandmother stay with me?”

This time Dr. Chen didn’t speak.

In the late stages of uremia, many syndromes appear, and no one can say exactly how long someone can live.

After hanging up, her phone fell to the ground, and Zhou Wan hugged her knees, burying her face deep in her arms, crying soundlessly.

Because Dr. Chen had told her before that her grandmother’s basic health was good, and there was a high chance she could recover through transplant surgery.

Zhou Wan had prematurely believed her grandmother could have the surgery.

But at this moment she understood that in difficult times, what’s most feared isn’t the endless hardships, but the momentary extinguishing of hope’s flame.

She had thought she saw hope, really thought her grandmother could live many more healthy years and had even planned that after going to university, she could take her grandmother to a new city.

At this moment, these hopes were completely shattered.

She had already asked Guo Xiangling for money and received 150,000 yuan.

For this non-existent hope, she had already fallen, already become a bad person.

She had become what she most didn’t want to become, though before she could still convince herself it was all for her grandmother.

But now, with hope shattered, she had fallen solidly into that filthy mire, the mark of sin deeply branded on her, never able to start over.

All her careful maneuvering these days, her false calculations, had become futile.

She no longer needed the remaining 150,000, nor did she need to keep trying everything to get Lu Xixiao’s attention and affection.

*

When Zhou Wan returned to the private room, she had already recovered to her former self, showing no trace of having cried, though her whole being seemed heavier.

Lu Xixiao hadn’t returned yet.

Zhou Wan returned to her seat, accidentally bumping the glass when she sat down, spilling the remaining half glass of watermelon juice, and wetting her pants.

She softly said “Sorry,” frantically trying to clean up.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” the boy next to her helped her right the glass, quickly pulling out several napkins, “Sister-in-law, let me order you another watermelon juice?”

“No need,” Zhou Wan fought back the sourness in her throat.

Just then they were pouring drinks, and when they got to Zhou Wan, they asked with a smile: “Want to try something different?”

Zhou Wan looked up at him.

The boy had no other intention, just asking normally.

Now everyone saw her and Lu Xixiao as a couple, so naturally, no one dared to do anything to her.

Zhou Wan gripped the glass, moving it toward the bottle’s mouth.

“You’re going to drink?” The boy froze.

Zhou Wan lowered her eyes: “Mm.”

She had never drunk alcohol before, but now she felt too awful.

To the point where she wanted to rely on the saying “drowning sorrows in alcohol.”

The group of boys hadn’t noticed Zhou Wan’s low spirits, probably because she was usually this quiet, and they all cheered together: “Sister-in-law’s got guts!”

They poured a full glass, and Zhou Wan took a sip.

It wasn’t as unpleasant as she’d imagined, with a hint of bitterness that matched her current mood.

*

Lu Xixiao came back after fifteen minutes.

When he returned, he carried a sharp tobacco smell – probably went out to smoke after paying.

He sat back down in his seat and turned his head to look at Zhou Wan once. She was propping her face with her hand, hiding most of it, but the visible part of her cheek was flushed red, showing an unnatural color.

Lu Xixiao looked at her glass.

He grabbed Zhou Wan’s arm, moving it away: “You drank?”

Zhou Wan blinked slowly, her reactions slower: “Mm.”

Lu Xixiao frowned: “Who gave her alcohol?”

The boy who poured the drink had no sense of the situation, even winking suggestively at Lu Xixiao: “Didn’t expect sister-in-law could drink so well, had several glasses. Now that she’s drunk it’ll be easier to take her home and have some fun.”

Lu Xixiao looked up, silently staring at him.

His eyes held fire, extremely impatient, and for a moment, no one dared to make a sound.

Jiang Fan came out to smooth things over: “Ah Xiao, Zhou Wan wanted to drink herself.”

Lu Xixiao looked at Zhou Wan again, his brows tightly knit, and after a while, he gripped Zhou Wan’s arm and pulled her up, his voice frighteningly cold, already at the edge of fury.

“We’re leaving.”

When walking out the private room door, Lu Xixiao stopped, and turned his head, his gaze falling on that boy: “Next time this happens, don’t blame me for not giving you face.”

Then, with a “bang,” Lu Xixiao slammed the door and left.

The boy felt quite wronged, saying to Jiang Fan: “What, why is Brother Xiao angry at me? It’s not like I forced my sister-in-law to drink.”

Jiang Fan looked at him: “You think that’s what he’s angry about?”

“What else?”

“What you just said, about taking her home to have some fun,” Jiang Fan said, “Have you forgotten why Ah Xiao went to No. 18 to ambush Luo He?”

Wasn’t it because those people had loose mouths, saying those shameless things to Zhou Wan?

The boy still felt wronged: “But what I said wasn’t that bad, right? Besides, weren’t we always like this before? There were much worse things said, and Brother Xiao never acted like this.”

“His previous girlfriends could handle that kind of talk, Zhou Wan can’t. Can’t you see what kind of personalities those girls had, and what kind of personality Zhou Wan has?”

Jiang Fan paused, then continued, “Besides, is Ah Xiao’s attitude toward Zhou Wan the same as toward those girls?”

*

Lu Xixiao dragged Zhou Wan forward by her arm, walking quickly.

At first, Zhou Wan could still endure the pain in her ankle, but later it was increasingly pulled and hurt more and more.

“It hurts,” her small face wrinkled, eyes rimmed red, “Lu Xixiao, my foot hurts.”

Lu Xixiao, his mind clouded by inexplicable anger, only then remembered her foot injury, stopping to look at her.

The little girl’s cheeks were flushed red, her fine brows furrowed, and tears suddenly spilling from her eyes, falling to the ground.

Lu Xixiao froze: “Why are you crying?”

Zhou Wan knew he didn’t like girls crying and whimpering, quickly wiping her tears, but then remembered that phone call earlier – she no longer needed to use Lu Xixiao’s affection.

Tears fell again, she lowered her head, no longer wiping them, letting them fall plop plop onto the ground at her feet.

Lu Xixiao watched her for a while, bent slightly, softening his voice: “Does your foot hurt a lot?”

Zhou Wan nodded.

He crouched down, gently lifting Zhou Wan’s pant leg.

Because of the quick walking just now, her ankle was red and hot.

He looked up at her, saying softly: “I’m sorry.”

Zhou Wan shook her head.

Lu Xixiao turned around, his hand crossing under Zhou Wan’s knees, effortlessly lifting her onto his back.

At this hour there were many people on the street, mostly young people.

Lu Xixiao naturally attracted attention, causing many girls to turn and look, discussing as they passed.

Zhou Wan wasn’t feeling well, her forehead pressed against Lu Xixiao’s shoulder, feeling as if her heart and lungs were being scorched, the alcohol bringing a burning sensation surging up her throat, making her head dizzy.

Lu Xixiao carried her through the noisy street, turning his head: “Stop crying.”

Zhou Wan: “I’m not crying.”

“Drunk?”

“A bit dizzy.”

Lu Xixiao snorted: “Why drink for no reason?”

“Because I feel a bit sad,” because of the alcohol, her voice dragged long, showing rare stickiness.

“Sad about what?” Lu Xixiao asked.

“Lu Xixiao,” Zhou Wan sniffled, thinking she must be drunk – in a sober state she wouldn’t have such an urge to confide, “I did a very bad thing, but only now do I realize everything was in vain.”

Zhou Wan’s voice was very soft, carrying controlled sobs and bitterness, barely noticeable, mostly just sighs.

“It’s like… I gave up everything for one thing, even willing to become a bad person, but in the end, I got nothing, couldn’t change anything, only changed one thing – that I became bad… but I don’t want to be bad…”

Lu Xixiao listened to the little girl on his back speaking these broken words to him.

He didn’t know exactly what Zhou Wan was referring to, but he didn’t ask.

He tugged the corner of his mouth without emotion, continuing forward, speaking flatly: “So what if you become bad?”

“Don’t you dislike bad people?”

Lu Xixiao laughed: “Don’t tell me you think I’m a good person?”

“Mm.” Zhou Wan nodded without hesitation, “You are a good person.”

At least straightforward and pure.

Lu Xixiao raised his eyebrows: “Then your judgment of people isn’t good.”

“…”

Zhou Wan rested on his shoulder, turning her head to look at his clean, sharp profile.

She was drunk, completely unaware of how close they were now.

“Lu Xixiao,” she lowered her head, rubbing her eyes hard against the back of her hand, “I feel so sad.”

He adjusted his hold on Zhou Wan’s legs, hoisting her up slightly, and after a while, spoke softly:

“Have you heard this saying – love me when I’m dirty, don’t love me when I’m clean, everyone loves me when I’m clean.”

His voice was very low, very deep.

Like the spine of the wind, steady and firm, blowing into Zhou Wan’s heart, taking up residence there.

“Zhou Wan.”

Lu Xixiao looked at the green light ahead, “It’s okay to become bad because someone will always love you as you are.”

That was perhaps, in all the years Zhou Wan would know Lu Xixiao, looking back on their youth, the first time he was so patient, so gentle with her.

Telling her, you don’t need to be sad, don’t need to feel ashamed.

Someone will always love everything about you.

Not just love your flowers and brocade, but also love you covered in mud.