Zhou Wan shook her head and said, “It’s nothing, I’ll be fine after taking some stomach medicine.”

“Mm.”

Lu Xixiao led her into the house. Their shoes at the entrance were covered in mud.

Zhou Wan stepped into slippers barefoot, then crouched down to pick up the dirty shoes.

Lu Xixiao caught sight of this: “What are you doing?”

“They’re dirty, I’ll wash them.”

“No need.” Lu Xixiao took them from her hands and tossed them back, “Your hands are cold and can’t touch water, or detergent. Why wash these?”

“It’s not that I can’t touch them,” Zhou Wan corrected, “I just get some small red rashes, but they go away quickly.”

Lu Xixiao ignored this comment and glanced at her pant legs: “Don’t hand wash the pants either, just throw them in the washing machine.”

He turned to walk toward the living room, paused, and then added, “After dinner, I’ll wash the shoes.”

Zhou Wan’s lips curved slightly as she asked: “Do you know how?”

Lu Xixiao sat on the couch, appearing nonchalant: “I’ll figure it out.”

They ordered takeout for dinner.

After dinner, Zhou Wan cleaned the table while Lu Xixiao took the dirty shoes to wash them.

Zhou Wan threw the cleaned takeout boxes in the trash by the door, then went to the inner room to find Lu Xixiao.

The water was running heavily, splashing loudly. The young man bent his face down, water hitting the back of his hands, droplets splashing everywhere, wetting the edge of the counter.

He scrubbed the edges of the shoes with a brush. The water in the basin instantly turned murky, but he didn’t mind the dirt, continuing to clean the shoes in the water.

“Lu Xixiao,” Zhou Wan walked over and leaned against his back, “I can’t believe you know how to wash shoes.”

He switched to the other shoe and continued scrubbing. Though it was April, the weather these past few days was still chilly. He was using cold water, and his hands had turned red from soaking, veins prominent.

Zhou Wan reached out and helped him adjust the water temperature to hot.

He chuckled softly: “Did you think all these years living alone, I sent my dirty clothes and shoes to the dry cleaners every time?”

Zhou Wan paused.

She opened her arms and hugged Lu Xixiao’s waist from behind, pressing her cheek against his back.

“What is it?” Lu Xixiao turned his head.

“Nothing.” Zhou Wan was like a cat seeking warmth, her cheek nuzzling against his back.

As he moved, his collar was pulled down slightly, revealing the edge of his tattoo.

Lu Xixiao glanced at the mirror in front of him. He put aside the cleaned, dripping shoes, drained the dirty water, and after washing his hands, casually pulled up his collar to cover the tattoo again.

He reached back to grab Zhou Wan’s wrist and brought her to his side, then used his other hand to flick water droplets onto her face.

Zhou Wan laughed and leaned back with a light exclamation, raising her hand to hit his shoulder.

Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow and teased: “You’re getting more and more comfortable hitting me now.”

“Who started it first?”

“When we first met, you still knew to act sweet in front of me. Not pretending anymore?” Lu Xixiao pinched her face, smiling somewhat roguishly, “Zhou Wan, were you deliberately acting to hook me at first?”

“I wasn’t.” Zhou Wan pouted, “Besides, you saw through my act from the start anyway, couldn’t fool you.”

“True.” Lu Xixiao smiled, “I knew early on you weren’t some sweet innocent thing.”

After a pause, Lu Xixiao’s voice deepened slightly, his smile fading to show sincere tenderness: “So, Zhou Wan, I knew what kind of person you were from the start, and this is you that I fell for.”

Zhou Wan blinked at him.

She suddenly remembered a night long ago when her leg was injured and she’d been drinking. Lu Xixiao had carried her on his back through the streets.

Half-drunk, she had rambled on and on about being bad or not bad, going in circles.

Lu Xixiao hadn’t asked much then, he had just tugged at the corner of his mouth and said casually: “So what if you become bad?”

He had said―

“Zhou Wan, it’s okay if you become bad because someone will always love that version of you.”

Love me when I’m dirty, not when I’m clean – everyone loves me when I’m clean.

Someone will love you at any time, any version of you.

*

The midterm exams had just ended. Today’s classes were all about analyzing test papers with no new content, so there wasn’t much homework, just organizing wrong answers and previewing work.

After finishing homework, Zhou Wan spent another hour tutoring Lu Xixiao on his previously missed lessons.

When they finished, it was still early, so she found an old movie in the TV cabinet.

The curtains were drawn and the lights turned off.

It was a romantic art film. Lu Xixiao didn’t like these kinds of movies – after watching for a while, his mind wandered and he picked up his phone, browsing aimlessly.

Zhou Wan couldn’t focus either, her mind full of what had happened earlier that day.

She had met with Lu Zhongyue and laid everything bare.

She was barely 17, without any power or backing. She had barely managed to find Lu Zhongyue’s weakness to threaten him, but at the same time, she was constrained by him.

As long as he kept his promise to drive Guo Xiangling away, Zhou Wan would also keep her promise – to disappear from Lu Xixiao’s world forever.

Such a wonderful Lu Xixiao.

Beneath his sharp exterior lay a once-shattered interior and a soft heart.

Her youth was unrestrained, brilliant, forthright, passionate, and utterly sincere.

His world was real, his joy and sorrow were real, without a trace of pretense.

His devil-may-care attitude was real, his loneliness and vulnerability were real, his cold detachment was real, and his solitary courage and kindness were also real.

Perhaps this was why Zhou Wan was inevitably drawn to him.

But someone like herself could never truly match Lu Xixiao.

From the very beginning, she hadn’t been sincere, carrying dark intentions. Even though she had opened her chest cavity and offered her bloody, beating heart to Lu Xixiao, it couldn’t change her initial deception and falsehood.

The images on the TV became blurry. Zhou Wan blinked slowly and turned to look at Lu Xixiao.

He was lounging lazily on the sofa playing with his phone, fingers sliding across the screen aimlessly, clearly not paying attention to the content.

“Is this movie very boring?” Zhou Wan asked.

“Hm?”

He seemed to suddenly come back to himself, paused, and then said, “It’s okay.”

Zhou Wan glimpsed the local news push notification on his phone – Pingchuan City’s tallest building, known as the “City Eye,” would officially open tomorrow, with a new Western restaurant.

“Should we go there tomorrow?” Zhou Wan asked.

“Sure.” Lu Xixiao said, “Though being opening day evening, I don’t know if we can still make a reservation.”

Zhou Wan: “Would lunch be better? It’s a workday, there should be fewer people, right?”

Lu Xixiao raised his eyebrows: “Skipping school?”

“Just tomorrow,” Zhou Wan curved her eyes, smiling, “I want to treat you to a meal.”

Lu Xixiao laughed lightly: “What for?”

“Didn’t I say before that I’d treat you once I got the competition prize money? Although the prize money isn’t possible anymore, I still have some money, enough to treat you to a meal.”

Consider it a proper goodbye.

She had had a beautiful, beautiful dream, immersed in it, unwilling to wake up.

Eventually, she had to wake up.

The next day, Zhou Wan took another day off from school and went with Lu Xixiao to “City Eye.”

She wore the clothes Lu Xixiao had bought her last time, while he wore a different color – together they looked like a matching couple. Lu Xixiao usually wore dark colors – black, white, or gray. Today he wore light colors, exuding a youthful energy that even softened his features.

Walking down the street, Zhou Wan couldn’t help but keep turning her head to look at him.

Lu Xixiao caught her many times and couldn’t help but laugh, “What are you looking at?”

Zhou Wan looked away, pretending to be casual: “Nothing.”

“You’re not being honest at all.”

“I see so many girls on the street turning to look at you,” Zhou Wan said. “I just wanted to see what was different about you today.”

“Nothing’s different, just that your boyfriend is too handsome,” Lu Xixiao started flirting. “What should we do? Maybe you should cover my face, so others won’t covet me.”

“…”

The new Western restaurant was on the second floor of the tallest building. Zhou Wan had made reservations the night before, but all the window seats were already taken – they could only get the last table in the corner.

They sat down. As usual, when they ate out, Lu Xixiao ordered the food. However, this time he didn’t order much, probably because Zhou Wan said she would treat him. She looked at the reviews and added several signature dishes.

Of the 150,000 yuan that Guo Xiangling had given her before, some were spent on Grandmother’s medical treatment and funeral expenses. Though little remained now, to Zhou Wan this money symbolized evidence of her guilt, and she just wanted to end everything when this matter concluded.

After eating, Zhou Wan got up to pay. Standing at the cashier, her phone rang – it was Guo Xiangling.

Zhou Wan lowered her eyes and answered. Putting it to her ear, Guo Xiangling’s sharp voice came through, demanding to know if she had done something.

Zhou Wan’s eyelashes trembled slightly. She hadn’t expected Lu Zhongyue to act so quickly. Which also meant she had to make her decision now.

Zhou Wan didn’t continue listening. Without expression, she hung up and blocked Guo Xiangling’s number.

Everything was over.

*

Returning to the table, Lu Xixiao was looking at his phone. Zhou Wan walked behind him and saw it was the ticket purchasing page for the “City Eye” observation deck.

She paused: “Are we going up?”

“Since we’re here.”

“But you…” Zhou Wan hesitated, “It’s so high, will you be okay?”

Lu Xixiao said casually: “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He took Zhou Wan’s hand and walked to a ticket machine, scanned the QR code, and printed two admission tickets.

There was a long line at the elevator, with the staff arranging for people to go up in waves. Fortunately, the elevator wasn’t transparent glass. During the rapid ascent, there was only some ear pressure but no other discomfort.

Zhou Wan held Lu Xixiao’s hand tightly the whole time, turning to observe his expression. She hadn’t wanted to come up with him – his acrophobia would surely act up at such heights. But then she remembered reading somewhere that such trauma-induced stress responses could be treated through exposure therapy.

In the future, she wouldn’t be able to stay by his side. She hoped Lu Xixiao could become fearless and move forward without hesitation.

A youth like him should be unrestrained. Nothing should constrain him.

No one should constrain him.

…

The elevator doors opened to reveal a spacious circular observation deck. Floor-to-ceiling windows surrounded them, offering views of the buildings and river outside.

Below, vehicles and pedestrians looked as small as ants, bustling about in their own lives.

Almost the moment the elevator doors opened, Zhou Wan felt Lu Xixiao’s whole body stiffen.

In his mind, unbidden, appeared the image of Shen Lan jumping from the balcony in the past.

The “thud–“

That dull, tremendous sound.

The bright red blood flowed from beneath her pale face, spreading out.

It stained his pupils and retinas red, painful and piercing, turning his whole world bloodred.

Then, a soft warm touch enveloped his hand, and Zhou Wan’s clean, gentle voice sounded beside his ear: “Lu Xixiao, don’t be afraid.”

He suddenly came back to himself, breaking free from that trance.

Zhou Wan held his hand, looking up at him earnestly.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, forehead sweating, but he gradually calmed down: “Mm.”

“Look, it’s actually nothing special, just that the view outside is different from usual,” Zhou Wan said softly, while slowly leading him forward. “But the sky is the same.”

Around them, people were posing for photos by the glass. Outside there was a facility similar to a scenic glass walkway, very narrow, only wide enough for one person to pass through. It seemed as if one small mistake would lead to a fall from this height of hundreds of meters.

Some adventurous people went to play, wearing protective equipment, exposing themselves to the fierce winds at this height, their hair whipping wildly.

Zhou Wan glanced that way.

Lu Xixiao turned to look at her and asked: “Want to try it?”

She quickly shook her head.

Lu Xixiao: “Go if you want to.”

“Will you be okay by yourself here?”

“I’ll go with you.”

Zhou Wan was startled.

She knew very well how severe Lu Xixiao’s acrophobia was – even the five or six stories of the school rooftop could make him pale and sweat profusely. Now he was already uncomfortable just being in this room, let alone going outside where the wind was so strong and the floor was transparent glass.

But she also knew that Lu Xixiao wasn’t the type to act tough for the sake of pride – if he didn’t want to go, no one could persuade him.

More precisely, since yesterday evening, Lu Xixiao had been acting somewhat strange.

Zhou Wan looked at him for a while: “Aren’t you afraid?”

He lowered his eyes and spoke calmly and naturally: “With you here, I’m not afraid.”

…

They put on the protective equipment, with a safety line connecting to the overhead lock, and helmets.

As soon as the door to the outside opened, the howling wind filled their ears, making it hard to hear voices. The staff checked their equipment again and shouted safety instructions, saying if they became too scared midway, they could use the intercom to tell them.

Zhou Wan walked in front, holding Lu Xixiao’s hand, moving forward slowly.

Even without acrophobia, anyone would feel nervous and scared in such a situation.

“Lu Xixiao.”

She walked forward carefully, step by step, her expression extremely focused and serious, like a warrior charging into battle. She just held tightly to the hand of the person behind her, “Don’t open your eyes now, just follow me.”

Lu Xixiao couldn’t open his eyes.

His acrophobia was much worse than he had imagined.

If he opened his eyes now, he probably couldn’t even move.

The wind hitting his face felt like rough blades, stinging, almost bringing tears to his eyes. Looking down was the bustling city, never quiet.

Whether it was the traffic flow and people below, or himself – all seemed insignificantly small.

Zhou Wan led him to the south observation platform, each step steady and slow.

The viewing platform extended out in a square, facing mountains and rivers. It had rained last night, and there was still mist in the distance.

“Lu Xixiao,” Zhou Wan said, “You can open your eyes now.”

Lu Xixiao unconsciously gripped her hand tighter and opened his eyes very slowly.

He saw the transparent glass under his feet, and the cars and people even further below. Sweat broke out almost instantly.

Zhou Wan looked at him: “Don’t look down. Look forward – there are mountains ahead, clouds above. Look into the distance, there’s wind.”

The wind was so strong that Zhou Wan had to raise her voice. Her voice was small, almost shouting.

His gaze slowly lifted.

The wind blew head-on.

The midday sun hid behind the mountains, bursting forth bright beams through layers of white mist, like breaking out of a cocoon.

It was the first time Lu Xixiao truly stood at a height to experience this.

His very soul seemed to drift with the wind.

Zhou Wan also looked at the distant mountains, where sunlight spilled through the thick mist.

She tilted her head slightly and said: “Lu Xixiao, in the future, always look forward, and walk towards higher places.”

“Don’t look back, Lu Xixiao.”

She said, “Go see the vastness of heaven and earth, walk the bright path, be joyful each day, peaceful each year.”

And you will become the most beautiful dream of my life.

A dream is sufficient to support me through the future.

She was tired from shouting, the wind blowing into her throat made her want to cough.

She didn’t know if Lu Xixiao had heard her last words.

But Lu Xixiao suddenly bent down, lifted her head, and kissed her forcefully.

With urgency and anxiety, as if rushing to soothe something.