Zhou Wan had indeed thought about proposing to Lu Xixiao for a long time.
Because she wanted to decisively choose Lu Xixiao once, to tell him, I love you, and I’m willing to run toward you without hesitation.
But she had never thought about proposing to him on stage.
In her original plan, she was going to use the prize money from the competition to buy a pair of rings, pick a nice day, decorate the room, prepare her confession speech, and then propose to him.
But at that moment, her emotions completely overtook her reason, and she couldn’t think of anything else.
And when she said “Will you marry me,” it was as if she suddenly came back to her senses, looking at the sea of audience members below, blushing to her neck.
But she still fought through her embarrassment, continuing to look straight at Lu Xixiao.
After his initial shock, he first smiled, then bent slightly forward, elbows resting on his legs, lowering his neck, and raising his hand to press hard against his eyes.
When he straightened up again, his eyes were red, and the corners were wet.
Zhou Wan froze for a moment.
Lu Xixiao stood up, made his way through the crowd, and walked toward the stage.
At the stairs, he couldn’t help but speed up, climbing onto the stage, he ran over, bringing a rush of wind, opening his arms to embrace Zhou Wan.
His entire back curved down as he buried himself forcefully into Zhou Wan’s shoulder, his burning breath trembling as he repeatedly whispered in Zhou Wan’s ear:
“I will, Wan Wan, I will.”
Zhou Wan smiled, tilting her head back, hugging him tightly in return.
And just then, suddenly something scalding hot fell, dropping onto her shoulder.
Zhou Wan was stunned.
Belatedly realizing what it was.
Lu Xixiao was crying.
“What’s wrong?” Zhou Wan asked gently, lightly patting his shoulder.
“Thank you.”
Lu Xixiao’s voice was hoarse, his tone trembling, “Thank you, Wan Wan.”
*
That single “thank you” contained so many things.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for coming back.
Thank you for your changes and efforts.
Thank you for finally running toward me.
Lu Xixiao clearly understood everything Zhou Wan had been through and thus understood even more clearly how great her changes were, and how much effort she had put in.
He had witnessed all her timidity and also witnessed all her solitary courage.
…
After the competition ended, Zhou Wan and Lu Xixiao returned to the car together.
The car drove onto the elevated highway, bright street lights stretched straight ahead along the road, with brilliantly lit high-rises alongside.
Lu Xixiao glanced sideways at Zhou Wan.
He saw her looking out the car window, corners of her mouth lifted, eyes filled with endless joy.
He couldn’t help but smile too: “What are you smiling about?”
“Ah.”
Zhou Wan came back to her senses, looked at him, and pressed her lips together, “Because you accepted my proposal.”
“Your proposal was quite sudden.” Lu Xixiao curved his lips, looking a bit roguish, drawling lazily, “Gave me quite a shock.”
“Well, since you accepted–“
Zhou Wan paused, carefully choosing her words, “When are you free to look at the rings?”
“You’re buying me a ring?”
“Mm.”
Lu Xixiao: “Isn’t it usually the man who buys them?”
“I proposed to you, so of course I should buy it,” Zhou Wan said matter-of-factly. “Besides, I won the competition prize money, it should be enough for a men’s ring.”
Zhou Wan had specifically looked into this before.
Men’s rings didn’t have large diamonds, just design costs and brand premiums, so the prize money should be enough.
“You can look online first, see what type you like,” Zhou Wan said.
“Alright.” Lu Xixiao was in an excellent mood, “Then I want an expensive one.”
“Mm.”
Zhou Wan thought this was reasonable too.
“When are you free? We can go pick one together.”
“In a while, during the New Year break,” Lu Xixiao said. It was half a month until New Year.
“Are you very busy lately?” Zhou Wan asked.
“Not busy, but, for something this important, let’s wait until New Year when we go back to Pingchuan together, to tell your father and grandmother too.”
Zhou Wan was startled, not expecting him to think of this aspect.
“Mm.” She said softly, “Then we’ll also go see your mother together, tell her too.”
“Alright.”
The car stopped at the residential complex, and they went upstairs.
As soon as they opened the door, Lu Xixiao leaned down, his aggressive aura enveloping her, he lowered his neck, touching Zhou Wan’s lips, voice hoarse: “Wan Wan.”
Zhou Wan’s eyelashes fluttered rapidly, feeling every bit of skin he touched burning up, her voice very soft: “Mm?”
His fingertips brushed against her collarbone, wanting to wipe away all the concealer covering the tattoo, his touch was a bit heavy, making that patch of skin turn red.
Zhou Wan shrank back but was pulled back by him.
After who knows how long, he bent down, gently biting that patch of skin, his teeth licking and grinding.
“It hurts,” Zhou Wan frowned slightly, “…Lu Xixiao.”
“Wan Wan.” His voice was somewhat hoarse and trembling.
Lu Xixiao wasn’t good at revealing his inner feelings to others. Earlier, under everyone’s watchful eyes, apart from that single tear that only Zhou Wan knew about, others couldn’t see any emotion besides happiness.
But at that time, happiness was only a small part of it.
More than that was the moving feeling and comfort of suffering finally giving way to sweetness, of clouds parting to reveal the moon, various complex emotions intertwined together, finally pouring out at this moment.
“Thank you,” Lu Xixiao said softly.
Zhou Wan gently patted his back, saying warmly: “You’ve already said that.”
Lu Xixiao buried his head further into her neck: “Wan Wan, I finally have a home.”
Zhou Wan froze.
A rush of bitterness suddenly surged in her nose.
“Mm.” She also hugged Lu Xixiao tightly, “We have a home now.”
*
In the blink of an eye, it was the end of the year.
They went back to Pingchuan City together.
The plane arrived at night, and early the next morning, they set out for the cemetery.
It was drizzling, Lu Xixiao held an umbrella as he accompanied Zhou Wan inside.
When grandmother passed away, Zhou Wan had her and her father buried in the same cemetery, spending almost all the money she had at the time, but fortunately this cemetery was nestled against mountains and water, with an exceptionally good environment and dedicated staff for cleaning.
In the past years, partly because she was busy making a living, working from early till late every day with no time; but more importantly, it was because she didn’t dare come back, she was obsessed with the past, unable to forgive herself, and felt she had no face to see her father and grandmother.
Until now, she finally dared to stand here openly.
Zhou Wan looked at the familiar faces on the tombstones, her eyes moist.
“Dad, Grandmother, I’m here.” Her eyes were very red as she gazed at their features in the photos, “I’m sorry… I’ve made you worry all these years.”
Lu Xixiao gripped her hand tightly.
“I’m doing very well now, don’t worry, I’ve found a job I like, and gradually become the person I want to be, made peace with my past self,” Zhou Wan said softly. “And, I’ve also found someone I love.”
Someone I’m certain I want to spend my life with.
“I won’t disappoint you anymore in the future,” Zhou Wan said. “I will live well, do what I believe is right, I will make you proud of me.”
Speaking these words, Zhou Wan suddenly thought of before, when her father was still alive.
Back then her grades were very good, getting almost perfect scores on every test, winning many awards each year, and her father would neatly paste all those certificates on the wall.
He would always hug her and say, Wan Wan is Dad’s pride.
“Uncle, Grandmother,” Lu Xixiao spoke softly.
Zhou Wan paused, turning her head.
The man looked seriously at the photos on the tombstones, his profile smooth and sharp, calm yet gentle: “I am Zhou Wan’s boyfriend, my name is Lu Xixiao, we will be married next year, please don’t worry, as long as I’m here in the future, Wan Wan won’t suffer any grievances.” He always kept his word.
The young Lu Xixiao might not have had confidence in such words, but now he finally had the assurance to say this, even his expression showing some of that bold and unrestrained youthful spirit.
“I will stay with her forever.”
The young Lu Xixiao had seen too much of life and death, too much of open and hidden struggles, and didn’t like using “forever” to define any relationship.
He had only mentioned “forever” twice.
Once was on that snowy night, when he first felt that having Zhou Wan accompany him in the future might not be bad, so he said, stay with me for every year from now on.
The second time was now.
I will stay with her forever.
From my reckless youth to the twilight of age, I will always stay with you.
Until death do us part.
…
After leaving, Zhou Wan went with Lu Xixiao to see his mother.
When she was in school, she had seen photos of his mother at Lu Xixiao’s home, she was a very gentle and elegant beauty, with features similar to Lu Xixiao’s.
But after so many years without seeing her, his mother’s appearance in her memory had gradually become somewhat faded and blurred.
Until this moment.
Zhou Wan saw her photo again and saw her appearance.
Memories suddenly flooded back.
She remembered the scene when she first went to Lu Xixiao’s home and saw his mother’s photo.
Lu Xixiao bent down, placing the bundle of lilies he had just bought in front of the tombstone, saying quietly: “The flowers you liked.”
He didn’t know what to say to Shen Lan, she had left too early, and he could barely remember those memories anymore, his memory of her appearance was only from the photos.
Perhaps it also had to do with how boys grow up and become less sure of what to say to their parents.
“Lu Xixiao,” Zhou Wan broke the silence, asking softly, “Did Auntie really like lilies?”
“Mm.”
This was one of the few things Lu Xixiao still remembered, “In the past, our home was always full of lilies, but later my sister developed an allergy to pollen, after she was born we never had lilies in the house again.”
“When we get back to B City, let’s plant some lilies too.”
Lu Xixiao paused briefly.
“Your mother loved lilies so much, if we put some in our room, perhaps she’ll come to visit you in your dreams more often.”
Zhou Wan turned her head, tilting her face up, murmuring, “Our A’Xiao must miss Mom very much.”
Lu Xixiao’s Adam’s apple bobbed.
Zhou Wan had rarely called him that–A’Xiao.
And now her voice was low and gentle, like a soft hand, brushing over those emotions he was holding back deep in his heart.
“She just couldn’t find you for a while, just like before when she was sick and didn’t know how to love you.”
Zhou Wan said softly, “After we plant the lilies when spring comes next year and the flowers bloom, your mother will smell their fragrance and come see you in your dreams.”
Then you’ll be able to see Mom again.
This time, she’ll surely tell you that she loves you.
Just like I do.
…
After leaving the cemetery, as soon as they got back to the car, Lu Xixiao’s phone rang.
It was Old Master Lu calling.
Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow; they hadn’t been in contact for a long time.
Zhou Wan saw it too, her fingers unconsciously tightening, but the next second Lu Xixiao held her hand, like a silent reassurance.
“Hello?” Lu Xixiao answered the phone.
Zhou Wan couldn’t make out exactly what was said on the other end, Lu Xixiao’s voice was very flat, just responding with a few sounds, then said: “Alright, I’ll go back for a while.”
Then he hung up.
“Are you going back home?”
“Going back to the old house, they need to see me about something.” Lu Xixiao said briefly, “I’ll go by myself, shall I take you home first?”
Zhou Wan paused then said: “I want to go look at Grandmother’s house.”
“Alright.” Lu Xixiao ruffled her hair. “Don’t argue with your grandfather after you go back.”
Lu Xixiao laughed: “How old am I now? Don’t worry, I won’t.”
Lu Xixiao dropped Zhou Wan off outside that old apartment building.
This area had been old residential blocks before, and now after many years, it was even more old and run-down. Many surrounding areas had already been included in demolition projects, but only this section remained.
Zhou Wan hadn’t been back for a long time.
The osmanthus trees were still planted in the park, the exercise equipment was old and rusty, and no one played on it anymore.
Zhou Wan stood outside looking for a while, finally letting out a light sigh before walking in.
As she pushed open the stairwell door, a woman came out facing her.
Zhou Wan stepped aside to make way, but the woman didn’t move. Zhou Wan looked up puzzled, then heard the woman say in surprise: “Wan Wan, is that you?”
Zhou Wan froze for a moment, and looked at her for a while, before finally matching the face before her with a certain memory.
“Aunt Zhang, what a coincidence.” Zhou Wan smiled, “You still live here?”
Aunt Zhang was a former neighbor who, during the time after Grandmother passed away, had felt sorry for Zhou Wan being alone and had helped her a lot, very warmheartedly.
“Yes, it is you. I almost didn’t recognize you just now, you’ve changed so much. If I hadn’t seen you on TV before, I wouldn’t have dared to believe it.”
She kept patting Zhou Wan’s hand, genuinely happy for her, “Wan Wan has made something of herself, your grandmother must be so happy seeing you from heaven.”
“Mm.” Zhou Wan’s eyes curved, “I hope so.”
“You’ve finally made it through, good deeds bring good fortune, evil deeds bring retribution, and that woman finally got what she deserved.”
Zhou Wan realized who she was talking about and froze: “What happened to her?”
“You don’t know?” Aunt Zhang was surprised.
Zhou Wan shook her head.
“She’s dead.”
Zhou Wan’s heart suddenly contracted, and then began beating rapidly.
Although Aunt Zhang thoroughly despised Guo Xiangling, given that it was a matter of life and death, she still couldn’t help but sigh: “After all the terrible things she did before, you could say she got what she deserved. She won’t be able to harm you anymore.”
Zhou Wan’s throat felt strangely tight: “Was she…?”
The online news had spread like wildfire through the residential complex before, and Aunt Zhang had heard it all. Knowing what Zhou Wan was thinking, she quickly said, “What are you thinking? Even if those debt collectors had beaten her to death, it would have nothing to do with you. How could there be such logic in harming one’s daughter?”
“Then how did she…?”
“She was living quite poorly later, looking for work everywhere but couldn’t keep a job, changing every few months. She didn’t have the fortune for luxury but couldn’t break her expensive habits, so she could only borrow money. Fortunately, you didn’t soften your heart and get entangled with her then, or you’d have ended up shouldering quite a lot of debt for her, all high-interest loans, with creditors hounding her every day.”
Zhou Wan’s eyelashes trembled rapidly.
“It was just about half a month ago while being chased by debt collectors, she tried to run away and fell down the stairs by accident. By the time someone found her, she was already dead.”
“…”
Zhou Wan didn’t know what to say for a moment.
Aunt Zhang: “Look at me, talking about such things during New Year’s. Anyway, you just live your own life well. Now that she’s gone, you can live your life in peace, without having to worry about anything.”
“Mm.” Zhou Wan pressed her lips together, “Thank you, Aunt Zhang.”
“What are you thanking me for? Auntie watched you grow up.”
Zhou Wan smiled: “Mm, I’ll go up first then, Aunt Zhang. I’ll come visit you next time.”
“Alright, alright, go ahead with your business.”
Zhou Wan said goodbye to Aunt Zhang, and as soon as the elevator doors closed, the smile disappeared entirely from her face.
She didn’t know how to describe what she was feeling right now.
She hated Guo Xiangling and had been determined to have nothing to do with her for the rest of their lives, but now knowing that someone who shared blood ties with her had passed away, Zhou Wan still felt melancholy.
After all, that was her only remaining blood relative.
Zhou Wan couldn’t accept this fact without any burden.
Her heart felt like it had been weighed down by a stone, getting heavier and heavier, pulling at her internal organs until they began to ache, her chest feeling blocked, unable to breathe properly.
Walking up to the third floor, Zhou Wan let out a breath, composing herself again before walking out.
After Grandmother passed away after Lu Xixiao had taken her out of that gas-leaking room, he wasn’t comfortable letting her live alone anymore, and for the period afterward she had stayed at Lu Xixiao’s home, rarely coming back.
Zhou Wan had heard many people say that when people get old, they develop an unpleasant “old person smell.”
Grandmother had a smell too, but it wasn’t unpleasant–it was the clean scent of soapberry.
For a long time, Zhou Wan hadn’t dared to open the door to Grandmother’s bedroom, and never ventilated it, afraid that the wind would blow away Grandmother’s scent, and she would truly have nothing left to remember her by.
She took out her key, unlocked the door, and went in.
The room hadn’t been ventilated for a long time and had a damp, dusty smell.
Zhou Wan waved her hand in front of her nose, stepping forward.
As soon as she stepped down, there was an unusual sound.
She looked down, there were several white papers by the door, appearing to have slipped through the door gap.
Zhou Wan froze for a moment, moved her foot, crouched down, and turned the papers over.
There were five sheets in total, A4 size, covered in dense tables.
The curtains were drawn inside the room, the light dimmed, and Zhou Wan couldn’t see clearly at first, so she got up to turn on the light.
Fortunately, after all these years, the light still worked.
In the yellow light, Zhou Wan looked down, suddenly pausing.
–There were five report cards.
Report cards from Class 7, Grade 12.
Lu Xixiao’s class.
Zhou Wan didn’t know why these papers would appear here but instinctively looked for Lu Xixiao’s name among the dense tables.
At Yangming Middle School, each class’s student numbers were arranged by surname initials, “L” was in the middle.
Number 28.
Five report cards, recording five tests from the final year.
Five times, Lu Xixiao was first in Class 7, his grade ranking steadily rising, until the final mock exam before the college entrance exam, when he ranked first in the whole school, and then in the college entrance exam, third in the school.
Zhou Wan’s throat bobbed.
She turned over the last sheet of paper, where there was a line of writing, handwriting she knew better than any other, with sharp strokes–
Zhou Wan, I keep my word.
Since I promised I would stay with you, I definitely will stay with you.
See you in B City.
The last three words were written messily and boldly. Through these characters, Zhou Wan seemed to see that arrogant youth again.
And when had he promised to stay with her?
Zhou Wan wracked her memories, finally pulling out a fragment.
It was just after Grandmother had passed away, she was staying alone at home, in a daze.
That memory was too painful, she never dared to recall it, to the point where she had almost completely forgotten that time.
She only vaguely remembered that amid the fog, there was suddenly urgent knocking at the door, but she didn’t even have the strength to get up, letting the knocking continue, and after a while, the door was kicked open, harsh light shining through the gap.
Against the light, Lu Xixiao strode in.
She hadn’t cried since Grandmother’s death, until that moment when she finally broke down, crying almost to the point of collapse, falling to pieces, unable to form complete sentences.
And Lu Xixiao knelt before her, gently pulling her into his arms.
He told her over and over, tirelessly:
“Wan Wan, I’m here, I’ll always be here.”
“At least, I’ll accompany you as you grow up, grow up together with you.”
No matter what happens in the future.
Just look back.
You’ll find that I’ve always been by your side.
*
He had kept his word.
Now, Zhou Wan stood at age 25 looking back on her life.
She saw a young man, tall and straight, with a disheveled figure, sharp features, full of youthful arrogance, bold and unrestrained.
In that final year of high school, he had put away his sharp edges and studied hard.
Every time the results came out, he would come alone to this dilapidated corridor, crouch down, and slip the report cards through the door gap.
He had tried so hard to break free from all restraints and shackles, step by step, with all his might, getting closer to her.
As long as she looked back.
She could see Lu Xixiao, running toward her.
The wind lifted his clothes, carrying the unique radiance of youth.