The small cuts from the shrimp shells were visible on his fingertips. For once, Yun Li didn’t find him shameless, feeling that even this compensation wasn’t enough. She glanced around and tugged at his sleeve. “Let’s go home first…”
Fu Shize remained motionless.
Extremely reluctant, Yun Li checked that no one else was around before slowly taking his hand. Her soft, nimble tongue grazed his fingertip. Fu Shize silently watched her flushed face as she occasionally glanced up, averting her gaze shyly when their eyes met.
Suddenly, South Wu didn’t seem so cold anymore.
His remaining fingers cupped her face, his still-damp fingertip tracing her lip before he kissed her decisively. His palm on her waist prevented her from retreating.
When she was breathless, Fu Shize finally released her and led her home.
As soon as they entered, he lifted her clothes from behind. His cold fingers made Yun Li shiver. She grabbed his wrist, exclaiming, “We don’t have any!”
Fu Shize paused, then rummaged through her suitcase. After a few minutes, he gave her a thoughtful look that unnerved her.
Without a word, he stood up. Yun Li asked, bewildered, “Are you going out?”
Fu Shize replied, “Mm, to buy water from the convenience store.”
…
It was past 3 AM. Yun Li was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. As Fu Shize sat up, the room’s light outlined every contour of his body. Yun Li hugged him from behind, kissing his lower back.
“I’m going to sleep,” she murmured.
“Go rinse off first,” he said, turning his head and gently rubbing hers. Yun Li, aching all over, replied nasally, “No, I want to sleep.”
Rationally, Yun Li knew she should clean up, but she had no energy left. She burrowed almost entirely under the covers, only her half-closed eyes visible as she watched Fu Shize.
He went to the wardrobe and took out a set of deep blue pajamas. Remembering the monochrome contents she’d seen earlier, Yun Li mumbled, “Can I buy you clothes in the future?”
Fu Shize paused, then suddenly asked, “Like Xu Qingsong’s?”
Yun Li instantly became alert.
“You like his style?” he pressed.
Yun Li was mortified. “You can’t possibly be jealous of him…”
“So you do like it?”
“…”
At a loss for words, Yun Li pecked him quickly. “Didn’t you wear his clothes before? Don’t you like them?”
Fu Shize laughed coldly. “That was because you liked them.”
Yun Li hesitated. Someone like Fu Shize had indeed done a lot for her that he didn’t have to.
As Fu Shize drew near with a tense expression, Yun Li’s heart softened. She smiled and hooked her arms around his neck. “Well, that works out perfectly. I like how you look in them too.”
She’d finally answered his question, albeit indirectly.
Despite her words, Fu Shize’s face remained impassive. Yun Li coaxed, “Then what kind of clothes do you like? I’ll pick those for you.”
“Choose what you like,” Fu Shize relented, playing with her hair. “I like what you like.”
This time, Yun Li understood his meaning correctly.
—I like what you like.
—But you can’t like what another man likes.
Exhausted, the few minutes he took to shower seemed to stretch endlessly. Yun Li’s eyes drooped shut, and she dozed off, vaguely aware of Fu Shize lifting the covers.
A warm towel touched her thigh.
At first, she resisted, trying to block his hand, but he persisted, gently cleaning her.
Finding it comfortable, Yun Li’s furrowed brow relaxed.
As she slept peacefully, Fu Shize watched her for a long while before leaning down to kiss her forehead.
…
The next day, Yun Li slept until past 1 PM. Slivers of sunlight crept into the room. She habitually leaned back, expecting emptiness but finding another’s chest instead.
She turned her head to see Fu Shize embracing her from behind, his chin resting lightly on her forehead, arms around her waist. Fragments of light fell across his eyes, revealing fine blood vessels beneath his thin skin.
Looking down, she recalled that he had showered after their last encounter the night before.
He’d been wearing clothes when they went to sleep.
So why was he naked now?
She turned back, staring dazedly at dust motes dancing in the sunbeam. Fully awake now, she hesitated before trying to discreetly slip his hand off her skin.
But he enveloped her hand in his.
Fu Shize held her hand against her lower abdomen, peppering kisses along her neck.
Feeling his reaction, Yun Li pleaded, “No more…”
Fu Shize, seemingly half-asleep, mumbled drowsily, “I’ll be gentle.”
“…”
When Fu Shize finished making brunch, Yun Li still had her face buried in the pillow. He knocked on the door.
Full of resentment, Yun Li deliberately turned to face the wall.
Fu Shize leaned against the doorframe, amused. He tugged at her blanket. She wasn’t wearing clothes and desperately clung to the cover.
But this successfully made her sit up.
Picking up her clothes from the corner, Fu Shize turned his back to her of his own accord.
Yun Li no longer trusted his integrity. Gripping the blanket with one hand, she cautiously dressed under the covers with the other, eyes fixed on Fu Shize’s back.
“Hurry up,” he said lazily. “If I keep hearing noises, I’ll want you again.”
“…”
Yun Li hastily put on her clothes. Hearing her get out of bed, he turned around and frowned at her bare feet, retrieving her slippers from under the bed.
She shuffled to the bathroom with Fu Shize following. He ran some warm water for her to wash up.
Noticing him still behind her, Yun Li asked, confused, “What is it?”
Fu Shize’s eyes held a hint of amusement. “Afraid you might fall.”
Teased again, Yun Li felt both embarrassed and angry. She flicked some water at him, but Fu Shize just looked up and casually brushed it off.
They had no other plans today, with Wednesday set for their return to Xifu. As Yun Li ate the toast Fu Shize had pre-torn for her, she asked, “Do you usually visit Brother Jiang Yuan when you’re in South Wu?”
Fu Shize took a sip of milk and replied casually, “Mm.”
“Shall we go see him later then?” Noticing his gaze, Yun Li added hesitantly, “Since we have meetings Monday and Tuesday, and we’re leaving Wednesday.”
She clarified her intention: “In the future, I’d like to accompany you every time.”
Fu Shize’s hand paused. The glass bottle contained chocolate milk. Across from him were Yun Li’s clear eyes.
Every aspect of his life now included her presence.
Without thinking, he agreed with a hum.
Jiang Yuan was buried in a public cemetery. Yun Li spent a while choosing a route on the map, wanting to buy fresh flowers along the way. Fu Shize watched her bustle about preparing while he sat on the sofa, playing Sudoku.
By the time Yun Li was ready to leave, it was past 3 PM.
They stopped at a flower shop where Yun Li selected a bouquet of white lilies before returning to the car.
Fu Shize glanced at the flowers and suddenly said, “You’ve never given me flowers.”
“…”
He spoke without emotion and started the car. Yun Li said “Wait a moment” and got out again. Fu Shize leaned on the window, watching in the rearview mirror as Yun Li returned with a bunch of violets.
She thrust the violets into Fu Shize’s arms. “Then let this be the first bouquet I give, to you. The second will be for Brother Jiang Yuan.”
Fu Shize smiled. “You don’t have to.”
But he accepted the flowers, carefully arranging the plastic wrap to avoid crushing the petals before placing them in the back seat.
The cemetery was in South Wu’s suburbs. Yun Li had rarely visited graves and saw no one else when they entered the grounds.
Fu Shize confidently walked to a spot. Yun Li looked down at the modest headstone with Jiang Yuan’s photo. He faced the camera with a faint smile.
Suddenly, Yun Li felt the lighting, technique, and clarity of the photo were familiar.
She remembered Fu Shize’s ID photo.
She realized their ID photos were likely taken together.
And now, Fu Shize could only face a cold stone.
Yun Li felt an indescribable sadness.
Fu Shize picked up some fallen leaves nearby and dusted off the grave.
Holding Yun Li’s hand, he said, “Brother, let me introduce you. This is my girlfriend.”
His tone was casual as if talking to an old friend. “Li Li, whom I mentioned to you before. I told you I didn’t want to break up.”
Yun Li was stunned. Fu Shize’s gaze lowered. “We’re back together now.”
“I saw your diary. I know you wanted to live.” He paused for a long time, glancing at Jiang Yuan’s photo. The smile on Jiang Yuan’s lips stung him.
Fu Shize said softly, “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you alive.”
The air was heavy for a few seconds.
“I know you don’t blame me now, and Uncle and Aunt Jiang don’t blame me either. I know you don’t want my life to be a mess.” He fell silent again before saying, “Don’t worry.”
“I’ll live well.”
“I won’t blame myself.”
“But I won’t forget you either, brother.”
After these words, Fu Shize took the white lilies from Yun Li and carefully arranged them in front of the grave. He said lightly, “These are from your sister-in-law. Take care of yourself too.”
The entire cemetery was desolate, his words swallowed by the wind.
Finished, Fu Shize stood up and led Yun Li away.
After a few steps, he stopped and looked at Yun Li, wiping away her tears with his fingertip. He smiled wryly. “Why are you crying?”
“I’ll be good to you for a lifetime, for all our lives…” Yun Li sobbed incoherently, tears flowing uncontrollably. Eventually, she gave up trying to stop and whimpered, “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
But she did know.
Because she felt so much pain for everything he had experienced.
Because she understood the suffering he endured beneath his reserved demeanor.
Because she hoped his world would no longer contain such pain.
Fu Shize gripped her hand tightly, placing it in his pocket.
They walked back in silence. Yun Li remembered his earlier words and asked, “You said you didn’t want to break up…”
Yet when Yun Li had suggested breaking up, Fu Shize had agreed quickly.
“At the time, I was worried you thought I was too down and out. When you mentioned breaking up, I wanted to become my old self before finding you again.”
Yun Li tried to control her tears but choked up again. “Why didn’t you just say that then?”
She would have stayed by his side for that year and a half.
Fu Shize looked down at the steps. Like a child, he could only place his shoes on the edge of each step. With his hands behind his back, he could maintain balance without fully extending his body.
His voice drifted on the wind.
“I was afraid I couldn’t do it.”
“I’m fragile too.”
I’m fragile too.
There were too many things I feared I couldn’t accomplish, and in the end, it would all be for nothing for you.
Fu Shize disliked making empty promises, especially to Yun Li.
He didn’t want to feel any more guilt towards the person he loved. He didn’t want to bring any harm to his beloved.
Yun Li had considered many reasons but never this one. She stared at his silhouette in a daze, then stepped forward to embrace him from behind.
“From now on, I’ll be behind you for all your moments of fragility.”
Then your fragility will no longer exist, because we’ll face it together.
…
Back in the car, Yun Li connected Fu Shize’s phone to the car’s audio system and played Eason Chan’s “Unconditional.”
Noticing Fu Shize’s gaze, Yun Li said lightly, “I just feel that your love for me is unconditional.”
No matter the breakup or whatever happened, Fu Shize would always return to her side.
The center console’s screen displayed the lyrics. Yun Li silently listened to the magnetic male voice, as if Fu Shize was telling her:
/Please don’t be afraid/
/I will still listen calmly/
/Still stay close by your side/
/Advancing and retreating with you, in harmony/
…
/I only know how to love you every day/
…
/Because the greatest love in this world is without conditions/
After returning to their building, Fu Shize and Yun Li first went to a nearby market to buy some fresh leafy vegetables and fish. Back home, they naturally huddled together in the kitchen.
Fu Shize was washing vegetables while Yun Li was braising the fish. At one point, the water stopped, and she felt Fu Shize embrace her from behind.
“Love has conditions,” he whispered in her ear.
It wasn’t unconditional.
And the only condition—
The one loved is you.
…
Nearly two years later, returning to EAW, the company’s layout and environment seemed just like yesterday. Yun Li followed Zhang Yanxin to the doorway of EAW’s conference room. Turning her head, she saw Fu Shize at the end of the hallway.
She remembered long ago when he wore a baseball cap, hands in the pockets of his windbreaker, looking at her calmly.
The difference now was that his lips curved slightly upward. He glanced at her before leisurely entering Xu Qingsong’s office.
Watching him, Yun Li couldn’t help but smile. Noticing Zhang Yanxin’s turn back, she composed herself before following into the office.
Among EAW’s liaisons, there were no former colleagues. Yun Li and her team were responsible for game development, mainly communicating with EAW about details in the game specification document.
This was a highly entertaining large-scale parent-child game. EAW would set up a separate venue where children and parents would complete tasks in different scenarios during each round. The game included ten mini-tasks, which might involve competing for prey in desert grasslands or cultivating barren land in arid wastelands.
Zhang Yanxin handled most of the communication with the other party. As Yun Li listened to their conversation, her gaze was drawn to a poster on the corner bookshelf.
It was for the VR game competition Xu Qingsong mentioned yesterday.
Virtual reality could let people experience many things impossible in the real world.
It could also make up for regrets, in reality, at least bringing comfort to a past with regrets.
Yun Li remembered Fu Shize saying he had hoped Jiang Yuan would survive, and an idea formed in her mind.
Zhang Yanxin had other matters to discuss, so she asked Yun Li to wait in the break room.
There was someone in the break room. As the door opened, Yun Li was surprised to see He Jiameng, whom she hadn’t met in a long time.
“Oh, Teacher Xian… Xianyun?!” He Jiameng exclaimed joyfully. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”
Noticing Yun Li’s work badge, she realized, “I didn’t expect it would be you coming for the liaison, Teacher Xianyun. Would you like to come in and sit for a while?”
Pulling Yun Li to the sofa, He Jiameng chatted with her about the past year and more.
Women’s conversations easily turn to personal matters.
Yun Li noticed the small diamond ring on He Jiameng’s left ring finger and asked, “Sister Jiameng, are you getting married?”
Remembering often hearing “The boss is so handsome,” Yun Li’s eyes widened slightly as she covered her mouth and began to say, “Is it…”
Before she could say “Mr. Xu,” He Jiameng already knew what she was going to say. With a dejected face, she said, “It’s not the boss. A long time ago, the boss called me directly to his office and gently told me he was going to resign…”
Resign…?
Yun Li looked bewildered. He Jiameng explained, “He said if an employee falls for him, it’s his fault too, so he should find another place to work…”
“…”
Yun Li thought about it and felt it was quite in line with Xu Qingsong’s style.
He Jiameng acted heartbroken: “How could I let the boss resign because of me? So I quickly asked my mom to set me up on blind dates. After I started dating, the boss never mentioned leaving again.”
“Did the blind date go well?”
He Jiameng’s face lit up with happiness: “I met my current boyfriend on the second blind date. He’s very good to me, and we’re getting married next year.” Then she asked with concern, “Teacher Xianyun, are you still single?”
When Yun Li left her job, He Jiameng had indirectly inquired a few times and learned about their breakup.
Yun Li shook her head, but before she could explain her boyfriend’s identity, He Jiameng indignantly said, “Fu Shize is all looks and no substance. He’s so gloomy, can barely say a word, and must be very difficult to deal with in a relationship. I don’t know who could put up with that personality. It’s good that you didn’t hang onto that one tree, Teacher Xianyun.”
“…”
“Oh right, I just saw him go to the boss’s office. Teacher Xianyun, if you don’t want to see his sour face, just stay in the break room!” He Jiameng patted Yun Li’s shoulder thoughtfully.
“…”