After returning to school, Xu Sui went to the cafeteria alone to eat a bowl of wontons. Since she arrived too late, the soup was a bit cold. She ate slowly with a bland expression, looking as if nothing had happened, even greeting the auntie cleaning nearby.
After eating, Xu Sui still felt a bit hungry, so she turned to the cafeteria convenience store to pick ice cream, buying a mung bean popsicle, a glutinous rice cake, and lychee sea salt ice cream.
Xu Sui unwrapped the green packaging paper and took a bite – cold enough to hurt her teeth, but quite sweet. Her lotus-root-white arms carried the white plastic bag of ice cream as she ate while dazing, returning to the dormitory.
Back in the dormitory, dimples appeared on Xu Sui’s cheeks: “Want some ice cream?”
“Yes, I’m dying of heat.” Liang Shuang walked over.
Xu Sui put down her bag and had just pulled out a chair to sit when her phone screen lit up with a message from Hu Qianxi: [Sui Sui, isn’t it Zhou Jingze’s birthday today? How come neither you nor the main character showed up, leaving just us here playing?]
Xu Sui lowered her eyelashes, typing in the dialog box: [He and I… broke up.]
After sending the message, Xu Sui set her phone aside, going to wash her hair and shower. After finishing, she tried reading for a while but couldn’t focus, so she opened her computer to find a favorite horror movie.
Liang Shuang was playing games but seeing this, put down her phone and moved her chair to watch together. To create a movie atmosphere, Xu Sui turned off the lights, leaving only a crack at the door.
Surrounded by darkness, the film’s eerie background music began. Liang Shuang touched her neck: “I feel something’s off. No, I need to get my Party membership certificate to ward off evil.”
“…That works too.” Xu Sui laughed.
Xu Sui brought her feet up, hugging her knees as she watched seriously. Throughout the viewing, Liang Shuang clung tightly to her arm, and since Xu Sui wore a cotton camisole dress, it kept slipping down from Liang Shuang’s gripping.
Xu Sui joked: “Are you taking advantage of me?”
“Who doesn’t love taking advantage of a beauty.” Liang Shuang said with a grin.
Liang Shuang watched intently as the movie reached its climax – a cat’s pupils suddenly mutated, the music becoming horrifying. The cat turned its head, fangs sinking directly into a little girl’s neck.
“Ahhh——” Liang Shuang screamed in fright.
Simultaneously, a corresponding female scream echoed from outside the door. Xu Sui quickly turned on the lights, patting Liang Shuang’s arm: “It’s okay now.”
The dormitory door opened as a classmate from the neighboring room entered, pressing her chest: “Xu Sui, your room is too scary, nearly gave me a heart attack.”
Xu Sui laughed: “It’s actually not bad. Are you here to borrow something?”
The girl shook her head, her tone excited: “Zhou Jingze is waiting for you downstairs at the girls’ dormitory.”
Xu Sui nodded, glancing at the time: “It’s eleven o’clock, I should sleep.”
Meaning she wouldn’t go down.
“But he said he’ll keep waiting until you come down.” The girl’s tone was worried.
The same trick – Xu Sui wouldn’t believe it a second time. Her tone was indifferent: “Whatever.”
The refusal was obvious. The girl left awkwardly. Liang Shuang saw her out, closing the door behind her. She wanted to ask what happened between Xu Sui and Zhou Jingze, but the words stuck in her throat. Better to let her calm down first.
Xu Sui continued watching the interrupted movie. After finishing, she closed the computer and went to bed. At one in the morning, sudden strong winds began, blowing the doors and windows with banging sounds. Clothes on the balcony swayed in the wind, some blown downstairs.
It looked like a storm was coming.
Xu Sui and Liang Shuang got up in the middle of the night to collect clothes. Xu Sui shuffled in rabbit slippers, leaning over the corridor balcony to gather clothes piece by piece.
Bean-sized raindrops slanted in. Xu Sui’s movements became hurried as she collected clothes. When she finished and casually looked down, her gaze froze.
A tall figure stood downstairs – he was still there. Wild winds raged, tree shadows swayed, and the dim streetlight stretched Zhou Jingze’s shadow long, appearing cold and sharp.
He bit a cigarette, lowering his head to cup his hands around a flame. The crimson fire occasionally leaped from his palm before being extinguished by wind, casting his features in stark, fierce shadows – still that careless face.
The cigarette finally lit. Zhou Jingze took a drag, squinting as he exhaled a gray-white cloud of smoke. As if sensing her gaze, he looked up, their eyes colliding in mid-air.
Xu Sui’s gaze was caught, but she simply withdrew it calmly, hugging the clothes as she returned to close the dormitory door and sleep. Liang Shuang had obviously seen this scene and couldn’t help saying:
“Tsk, the playboy’s become lovesick.”
Xu Sui took a sip of water, her tone flat: “You’re mistaken.”
No one understood him better than she did.
The next day, dawn broke. Zhou Jingze had waited all night under the girls’ dormitory building, cigarette butts scattered around his feet with occasional sparks. His eyes were slate-dark from staying up all night, his throat so hoarse from the ordeal that swallowing was difficult – he could only manage monosyllables.
This was the first time in his life he’d been so wretched.
Zhou Jingze’s toes touched the ground, stepping on pebbles that made crunching sounds. After waiting all morning, he stubbornly hadn’t seen Xu Sui’s shadow. He laughed mockingly – he refused to believe Xu Sui wouldn’t even attend classes.
Finally catching her roommate, Zhou Jingze walked over, his voice somewhat hoarse: “Where’s Xu Sui? Why didn’t she come down with you?”
Liang Shuang was intimidated by his aura, shrinking her neck: “She… she left through the back door.”
“…” Zhou Jingze’s face darkened enough to drip ink.
Xu Sui successfully avoided disaster, attending classes smoothly. After resting at noon, she went to the laboratory. However, on the way to the lab, passing the campus botanical garden, she was intercepted by Zhou Jingze.
Zhou Jingze stood before her, his dark, narrow eyes staring at her, suppressing surging emotions as he said hoarsely:
“Let’s talk.”
Xu Sui instinctively stepped back, holding her books, reminding him flatly: “We’ve already broken up.”
Zhou Jingze laughed coldly, his eyes pressing down ruthlessness and heavy emotion: “I didn’t fucking agree.”
Xu Sui tried to go around him, but Zhou Jingze shifted, blocking her path and gripping her arm. His entire body pressed close, shoulder to shoulder. They were very near – Xu Sui struggled, but her hair tangled in his collar button, her cheek forced against his broad, warm chest.
His chest vibrated with each word he spoke. Xu Sui was immersed in his familiar scent, wanting to escape but unable to break free. Every sentence Zhou Jingze said hit her weak spots, making movement impossible.
“The fridge at home is stocked with so many cartons of milk you haven’t finished. The succulent you insisted on putting by my bedside – without you, I won’t take care of it,” Zhou Jingze spoke slowly, looking at her. “And 1017, who you’ve fed so fat – you don’t want him anymore? Also—”
“Me, can you bear to leave me?”
Moisture appeared in Xu Sui’s eyes, two different voices clamoring in her heart. One said: being with him, that happiness was real, the deep affection genuinely happened.
But another voice said: don’t you need exclusive love? He can’t give it.
After a moment of silence, suddenly a sharp phone ringtone rang, breaking the tense standoff.
Both looked at the phone. She glanced at his incoming call – Ye Saining calling. The wavering emotion in Xu Sui’s eyes completely faded. Zhou Jingze pressed decline, but the ringtone stubbornly rang again.
This time, Zhou Jingze directly shut off the phone.
Xu Sui finally untangled her hair, taking the opportunity to step out of his embrace, looking directly at him: “Not answering?”
Zhou Jingze said nothing. After maintaining distance from him, Xu Sui began speaking, her eyes clear and cold: “You can give the milk to… other girls. Throw away the succulent.”
“1017, I don’t want him anymore.”
Seeing Zhou Jingze about to step forward, Xu Sui retreated. She usually had a good temper and wouldn’t say harsh words to anyone. She understood Zhou Jingze – proud and arrogant with a high temperament. She knew what words would make him agree to break up.
Xu Sui took a breath, thinking, then for the first time in her life said something so vicious, her tone carrying impatience: “Can you stop pestering me? Even looking at your face for one more second—”
“Makes me feel disgusted.”
Zhou Jingze stopped, lifting his eyelids to look at the girl before him. He kept watching her, but in just three seconds he recovered his arrogant, imperious appearance, looking at her as he slowly delivered his words:
“Fine, I won’t look for you again.”
Zhou Jingze turned and walked away. Summer was hot, the botanical garden flowers wilted from the sun, casting curved shadows on the ground. Zhou Jingze looked up briefly as he passed. Just then, his newly restarted phone received a message.
From Grandfather: [You rascal, didn’t you say you’d bring your girlfriend home? Where is she? Still coming?]
Zhou Jingze typed word by word: [Not coming anymore.]
The sun was fierce, shadows stretching his figure long. Xu Sui stared at his retreating back, her eyes stinging. When Zhou Jingze passed through the shrubs, protruding branches and leaves brushed his forehead. He turned his head to avoid them, went down the steps, then his figure disappeared around the corner.
Until this moment, Xu Sui couldn’t support herself anymore. She crouched down, feeling unable to breathe, her chest aching in waves. Large tears dropped onto the burning ground, quickly evaporating.
This feeling was too unbearable.
Just then, her teacher sent a message. Xu Sui crouched on the ground, clicking into WeChat to see a long paragraph: [Xu Sui, the Hong Kong exchange student quota needs to be confirmed today. Are you really not considering going? You know how good B University is, such a rare opportunity. I personally hope you’ll go. Of course, if you have personal reasons, I respect your decision.]
Tears dropped onto the phone screen, blurring her vision. Xu Sui wiped with her sleeve and replied: [I’ve decided, I want to go. Thank you for this opportunity from the school and teacher.]
Zhou Jingze kept his word – Xu Sui really never saw him at school again, not even a chance encounter off-campus. She didn’t know what he’d said to Hu Qianxi, but the usually straightforward young miss never mentioned this person in front of Xu Sui.
Zhou Jingze completely disappeared from her life.
As if… this person had never appeared.
When roommates learned Xu Sui was going to Hong Kong for a year-long exchange, they all expressed reluctance. Hu Qianxi wiped her tears and snot on Xu Sui’s clothes: “Wuu wuu, Sui Sui, when you leave, no one will help me put on duvet covers.”
“I’m not gone forever, just one year. I still have senior and fifth year.” Xu Sui laughed, patting her back.
Hu Qianxi wiped her tears: “But I’m in veterinary medicine – I graduate senior year. We really don’t have much time left together.”
“Silly girl.” Xu Sui reached out to wipe her tears.
Partings always come quickly. After finishing exams, Xu Sui returned to Li Ying during summer vacation, then flew to Hong Kong in mid-August to prepare for enrollment.
It seemed she really was saying goodbye to this city.
Actually, Xu Sui had seen Zhou Jingze once. After exams ended, she visited her uncle’s house, sorting out old textbooks and math notes to give to Sheng Yanjia’s family.
After delivering the notes and leaving Sheng Yanjia’s house, passing the convenience store, she unconsciously glanced inside, wondering if there might be a boy in a black T-shirt lazily slouched at the cash register, eyes weary as he played games, mint candy crunching in his mouth.
Unfortunately, no.
It was a completely unfamiliar face.
Xu Sui withdrew her gaze, hurrying forward. Looking up, the person she’d wanted to see was not far ahead. Zhou Jingze had a cigarette between his lips, pulling a leash as he walked a dog.
Not having seen him for a while, he seemed different. Zhou Jingze wore a black letter T-shirt, black athletic pants with white trim, his form upright, white sneakers revealing a section of ankle with prominent bones.
He’d become even more handsome, showing a completely new side.
His hair was cut short again, back to a buzz cut against his scalp, topped with that rebellious face that drew attention wherever he went.
Halfway through their walk, the big dog got thirsty. Zhou Jingze stopped, unscrewing a bottle of mineral water, pouring it into his palm as he crouched to let it drink.
A passing girl looked twice, eyes lighting up – whether for his face or genuine love for the dog was unclear. “Wow,” she said, actively striking up conversation: “What breed is this dog? So handsome.”
“German Shepherd.” Zhou Jingze flicked cigarette ash, his tone casual.
The girl looked at him expectantly: “Can I take a photo with him?”
Xu Sui didn’t intend to listen further, turning to leave. At dusk sunset, Zhou Jingze’s low, magnetic voice carried on the wind to her ears. He paused:
“Sure.”
——
Xu Sui flew to Hong Kong in August. The entire city was hot like a giant steamer – she remembered this year seemed to have the highest temperatures in recent years.
Since Xu Sui was only exchanging for a year, B University didn’t provide accommodation, so she had to find housing herself. Hong Kong rent was extremely high for tiny spaces, and being peak season, she couldn’t find suitable housing after searching everywhere.
Fortunately, a senior helped connect her, and Xu Sui shared rent with a female classmate from the same school and grade. In Sai Wan, it was small but within budget, convenient transportation, Broadway Cinema just ten minutes away, convenient living with Jusco and PARKnSHOP nearby.
Hong Kong’s climate was pleasant year-round, especially winter, like extended autumn – on good weather days you could still wear skirts.
Xu Sui’s exchange period went fairly well. She learned different medical thinking approaches and gained much at the medical school.
She tried participating in various social activities, learned Hong Kong mahjong, could dance a bit of waltz, and learned baking. She seemed to experience life’s small pleasures beyond studying.
Xu Sui’s favorite weekend activity was finishing experiments then taking a boat from Central to Lamma Island alone for relaxation. Only her apartment faced away from the sun with small windows.
When it rained, indoors became unbearably humid, clothes damp and needing to be dried and taken to the rooftop for sun. At such times, she actually missed the dry, cold Beijing.
The year-long exchange program ended quickly.
Another summer arrived.
Classmates organized a farewell party for Xu Sui. After dinner, the group moved to KTV, where someone played a separation song.
Roommate Carrie hugged her tearfully: “Sui, I can’t bear to see you go.”
Xu Sui hugged her back, her gaze meeting a male classmate, Lin Jiafeng, from their class. Their relationship was quite good – they often did experiments together and frequently took the subway home together.
He sat on the sofa, joking: “Me too.”
The atmosphere was somewhat sad. Xu Sui released her, laughing: “Someone come adjust the mood, or let’s play games.”
“Sure.” Someone agreed.
They played an ordinary game – Truth or Dare. When the bottle pointed to someone, they had to accept punishment from another person – truth or dare.
Under red dim lighting, some losers had to go out and get designated handsome guys’ phone numbers, others had to dance the turtle dance in front of everyone.
Xu Sui leaned on Carrie’s shoulder, holding a wine glass and laughing until she swayed. The transparent glass reflected a graceful face with bright, ethereal eyes.
She seemed different from before.
As the saying goes, people shouldn’t get too carried away. The next second, it was Xu Sui’s turn for misfortune. Lin Jiafeng held the green bottle, asking what she chose.
Xu Sui thought: “Truth.”
Friends pushed Lin Jiafeng forward, hinting he should seize the opportunity. Lin Jiafeng hesitated, then asked a rather boring question: “Is there anything you want to say to your ex-boyfriend?”
Hearing this, everyone “tsk”ed. One girl answered: “Is there even a question? Of course it’s wishing my ex would eat shit soon.”
“Exactly, I hope my ex-boyfriend’s future girlfriends are all inferior to me. Not as pretty, not as good personality-wise. Damn scumbag should regret for the rest of his life.”
…
Xu Sui considered, tapping her fingernail against the glass, draining the strong liquor in one gulp, her throat burning like fire: “I don’t wish him unlimited success, I wish him safe landings.”
After these words, everyone fell silent. Soon someone changed topics, quickly moving to the next game. That night, Xu Sui drank heavily.
Someone who used to blush from one sip of alcohol had learned to drink copiously without changing expression. She was dead drunk – roommate Carrie dragged her home.
Back home, Xu Sui immediately rushed to the bathroom, hugging the toilet as she vomited. Being drunk actually felt terrible – her stomach burned like fire, vomiting until she felt bile rising, her soul and body separating.
Actually, a week ago, Xu Sui had seen Sheng Nanzhou’s social media – they’d flown to the American training base. He should have gone too. As she vomited, Xu Sui thought: she’d return for senior year while Zhou Jingze went to America for a year. When she prepared for graduate school in her fifth year, Zhou Jingze would have graduated and become a real pilot.
Their breakup had been too ugly, ending messily. She thought they probably wouldn’t see each other again.
After vomiting, Xu Sui stood at the sink washing her face. Turning on the faucet, she cupped water to splash her face. The overhead bulb was dim as she looked at herself in the mirror.
Fair skin, oval face, elegant high nose bridge. If there was any difference from before, she seemed prettier, her dark eyes carrying an extra layer of determination, her temperament increasingly cool.
Good – no crying, not a single tear shed, just slightly smudged eyeliner.
Xu Sui slept until noon the next day, waking to pour herself honey water. Opening the window, hot sea breeze blew in.
The green fan whirred toward her as Carrie patted her cheeks with a cushion compact. Cicadas cried incessantly outside. She put down the compact, complaining: “So annoying, at least summer’s almost over.”
Xu Sui glanced outside – sunlight cascaded like a waterfall, blue ocean waves stretched endlessly, green forest lush and verdant. In the interplay of light and shadow, summer was about to end in a blink.
She suddenly remembered the day she transferred schools in high school – also the same blazing summer. Xu Sui had naively encountered a boy like scorching sun, while she was humble as moss.
Love at first sight happened in summer.
An unrequited love with beginning but no end also concluded amid cicada songs.
Next door, someone played Hong Kong music on speakers, faintly drifting over with subtle sadness. Xu Sui leaned against the window, shoulders trembling. Listening, tears finally fell.
“I wish imagination could remain ungrown, finding partners purely by instinct. Vaguely infatuated with you once, like tides rising under wind and rain.”
Yes, just like tides rising under wind and rain.