HomeHe LiChapter 12: She Is Me

Chapter 12: She Is Me

Today was yet another day we couldn’t return.

I lazily lifted my eyelids: “I went to find Xie Xuanqing.”

I told Xie Zhuo, who sat across from me equally lifeless, “He couldn’t tell stories, so later I handed him a book and asked him to read it aloud…”

Xie Zhuo glanced at me with the same lazy, expressionless eyes.

I told him the outcome: “He read me to sleep.”

He closed his eyes and finally let out a sigh.

“Why don’t we just give up?” After failing again and again, I finally sounded the retreat. “It seems our marriage bond from back then is unbreakable, a masterpiece of fate. Let’s stop fighting against heaven, shall we?”

Upon hearing these words, Xie Zhuo’s closed eyes suddenly opened. His lowered head lifted slightly, and the black pupils of his eyes reflected the dancing firelight.

He stared at me, making me feel, for some reason, somewhat withdrawn.

I leaned back against the chair, avoiding Xie Zhuo’s gaze, and continued:

“Well… I did like you a lot back then, and now you can’t bring yourself to do anything terrible to me, so this line of yours is difficult to handle. As for me, I can’t fight against your past self, and your past self is quite nice to me…”

I rubbed my nose, speaking somewhat vaguely, “If we continue like this, I’ll feel increasingly reluctant to hurt ‘you.’ Today, through that fish-eye image, I saw that you also seemed to have some… toward my past self.”

I sighed, “Our marriage happened regardless, and divorce may not be a blessed outcome, but at least we parted on good terms. This marriage bond…”

Before I could finish, Xie Zhuo suddenly stood up.

I was startled, staring at him blankly.

Xie Zhuo’s face was gloomy, as if my words had just triggered him.

“I will do what I must,” he said in a low, somber tone, reminiscent of that night before we came here, when he held the Pangu Fu and coldly told me he would kill me.

“I…”

I wanted to ask which of my words had offended him, making him suddenly angry. Was he unwilling to admit that he felt ‘reluctant’ toward my past self?

Or…

Did he not consider our divorce to be parting on good terms?

“Tomorrow,” he interrupted me, showing no desire to listen to what I had to say, “go and take his necklace.”

“Necklace?”

I glanced at Xie Zhuo’s neck.

There was a black cord around Xie Zhuo’s neck. I knew that beneath this cord hung a white stone with a blue glow, but since he usually kept it close to his body, I could only see a small bit of the cord peeking out from his collar.

This stone necklace had been with him since we first met. I had once asked him what the necklace was, and Xie Zhuo only said it was something very important to him, representing his past and his burden.

Xie Zhuo never spoke of his past, to the extent that I didn’t even know what kind of demon he was. He had only revealed that little bit about the stone, letting me know that his past wasn’t very pleasant.

This demon never had any hobbies, wasn’t greedy or lustful, didn’t enjoy eating or laziness, and even when “arguing” with me, he rarely showed anger. Yet this stone necklace never left his person.

Such a treasured item…

Xie Zhuo wanted me to go take it from Xie Xuanqing tomorrow!?

This was a major sacrifice!

I shook my head: “I won’t go…”

Xie Zhuo frowned, his gaze growing colder.

I stubbornly refused, “Something so important to you—if I steal it, wouldn’t you kill me? Life is precious. I won’t go…”

“I won’t kill you.”

“Just because you won’t kill me now doesn’t mean your past self won’t.”

“He won’t kill you either.”

I still shook my head, blurting out what I had come to believe over these past few days: “You don’t understand yourself.”

Xie Zhuo took a deep breath: “I am certain.”

He said, “Now, regardless of which version of me it is, none would harm you. Not a single one.”

I looked at Xie Zhuo, stunned.

He spoke with such certainty that for a moment, my heart warmed with emotion…

I quickly turned away, suppressing the fluctuations in my heart.

Only when I was sure I wouldn’t reveal any unusual emotion did I turn my gaze back to his face and speak: “If you’re certain…”

I gritted my teeth and agreed, “Then let’s bet one last time.”

After hearing this answer, Xie Zhuo showed no expression, merely nodded coldly, turned, and went back to his room.

I watched his tightly closed door, somewhat confused. We were discussing things just fine; why had this person suddenly become upset…

Was he really that opposed to me mentioning our divorce…

Early the next morning, I came out yawning and ran into Xie Zhuo, who was also coming out of his room.

He didn’t greet me, silently poured himself a cup of water, drank it, and then went straight out the door.

“Hey? Are you going to find Xiaxia now?” I called after him. “Remember to let me see how things are going…”

Before I could finish, his figure had disappeared outside the small courtyard in the snow bamboo forest.

I pursed my lips. Well, we were divorced people after all. After this mission, whether the “severing of the marriage bond” succeeded or not, we would go our separate ways.

I calmed myself down and patted my cheeks. Thinking about the dangerous task ahead of me today, I decided to strategize a bit before heading out.

I had just sat down and was racking my brains for a plan, pen in hand, when suddenly Xie Zhuo’s perspective appeared in my mind.

The environment Xie Zhuo was seeing felt familiar to me—it was my immortal residence from five hundred years ago, where I had lived alone.

He had gone directly to the residence to find Xiaxia. How eager was he?

Xie Zhuo, who knew his way around, found “my” inner chambers. Xiaxia was by the dining table in the room, studying a bowl of porridge in her hands. Seeing Xie Zhuo enter, Xiaxia was a bit stunned: “Oh, why are you here?”

Xie Zhuo didn’t answer.

Thinking of his cold face when he left this morning, I unconsciously pouted.

Such a foul mood…

Xiaxia also noticed something off about Xie Zhuo, but she didn’t ask. She smiled, breaking the awkwardness, and lifted the porridge in her hands. “Perfect timing! Yesterday, that catfish spirit compensated me with a large Kunlun lingzhi mushroom. I made it into porridge and was just planning to bring it for you to drink…”

Before Xiaxia could finish, the porridge she was holding out to Xie Zhuo was knocked over by his hand.

Through Xie Zhuo’s perspective, I saw that he didn’t even touch Xiaxia’s hand, only hitting the rim of the bowl. But this porridge, being offered for him to drink, wasn’t held with maximum stability.

With a “crash,” the bowl landed upside down on the floor and shattered. The porridge spread dirty and messy all over the ground.

Xiaxia was caught off guard, staring at the porridge on the floor in complete shock.

After a long while, she finally turned her head to look at Xie Zhuo.

“Xie Xuanqing!” Through Xie Zhuo’s gaze, I saw Xiaxia’s face change from shock to confusion, and finally to inexplicable anger. “What are you doing?”

Xie Zhuo didn’t answer immediately.

Xiaxia’s expression grew increasingly angry.

Then he spoke.

“The taste… is… disgusting…”

Four words, clearly articulated, with unmistakable meaning.

But Xiaxia asked: “Do you know what you’re saying!?”

Remarkably, Xie Zhuo answered the question: “I know…”

Xiaxia’s tone began to change. The angry pitch cracked, turning aggrieved, yet still maintaining her dignity, unwilling to show weakness: “I made this specially for you!”

“I don’t need it.”

“Xie Xuanqing!”

Xiaxia stared at Xie Zhuo.

The emotions we had desperately tried to provoke in Xiaxia during this time were finally visible.

It wasn’t that difficult.

There’s no such thing as a person with exceptional clarity of thought, a heart as vast as the sea, whose feelings cannot be hurt—it’s just that those who wield the knife to pierce the heart have usually held back…

And now… the knife-wielder was getting serious.

Xie Zhuo said, “I don’t want the porridge, and I don’t want you.”

These words seemed to strike Xiaxia. She stared at him, dumbfounded, her lips trembling, her eyes reddening. Her body instinctively began to take deep breaths.

She was very upset, desperately trying to control her emotions. She didn’t want to cry pathetically when she should be angry.

But she was about to lose control. She felt so wronged, as if someone had punched her in the stomach, the pain making her want to curl up.

I could predict her emotions and even pinpoint the exact moment her tears would fall. I knew her too well, and I began to empathize.

Because…

She is me…

This feeling, this situation—during our five hundred years of married life, I had experienced it too…

Sure enough, the next moment, she cried.

Tears rolled down her cheeks one by one, but she still pressed her lips tightly together, stubbornly staring at Xie Zhuo.

That look, every second questioning him—why are you hurting me?

Xie Zhuo shifted his gaze.

He avoided it, then turned and left.

Before Xie Zhuo cut off the communication with me, I didn’t hear Xiaxia call his name even once.

I knew what “I” was thinking. She liked him, yes, but her pride and dignity were also important.

I closed my eyes, took a moment to calm down, and when my emotions had settled a bit, I opened my eyes and looked outside at the snow bamboo forest. The clarity of thought in my mind was unlike anything I’d experienced since coming here.

Very well, Xie Zhuo, the games are over. You were the first to get serious.

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