When spring arrived and flowers bloomed, brother-in-law arranged a marriage match for her.

She was unwilling to marry.

“It’s a fake marriage!” Elder sister said, “Lin Shisheng has a childhood sweetheart fiancée. Their wedding date was already set, but then her father committed a crime and that young lady also had her name struck from the registry. The one handling this case is your brother-in-law’s senior fellow apprentice. He pulled strings all the way to your brother-in-law. That Lin Shisheng’s family holds a hereditary proper fourth-rank position of Assistant Commissioner. He inherited the position at fifteen and is extremely capable. Now he’s already Commander of the Left Army of the Yulin Guards, from the third rank…”

“That makes it even worse!” She shook her head like a rattle drum, interrupting elder sister’s words, “Relying on gratitude to extract repayment—even if I married him, I’m afraid that Lord Lin would harbor resentment in his heart and wouldn’t treat me well. Why turn a benefactor into an enemy? Moreover, I have no desire to marry at all…”

Elder sister listened and laughed, saying: “This matter was proposed by Lord Lin himself.”

She was stunned.

Elder sister carefully explained it to her: “Even if his fiancée could be rescued through some means, her father’s matter caused such a huge scandal that hiding their identities would be difficult, so how could she possibly marry Lin Shisheng as his principal wife? Lin Shisheng understands this clearly and doesn’t want his fiancée to suffer injustice, which is why he came up with this plan—you and he become fake spouses. After one year, using your childlessness as the reason, you would take charge of bringing his fiancée into the household as his concubine. You would hold the title of legitimate wife, having someone to rely on in old age and incense offerings after death. That young lady would become husband and wife with Lin Shisheng, bearing children and having their wishes fulfilled. How could a benefactor become an enemy? If anything, we would be helping him tremendously!”

She still disagreed, saying: “After all, I would be occupying the position of his wife!”

If Lin Shisheng wanted to do something to her, she would have nowhere to turn for help.

Elder sister remained silent for a long while, gently sighing.

Outside, there was suddenly a commotion.

Chi Xiang looked out the door with a tense expression.

Elder sister smiled at her and said “Rest first, we’ll discuss this matter later,” rising to leave.

She sensed something, grasping elder sister’s hand and saying: “Has something happened? You needn’t hide it from me. If I sent someone to inquire, I could find out just the same.”

Elder sister thought for a moment, her expression inscrutable as she said: “Cheng Xu has been making a fuss these past days. I’m afraid I accidentally revealed my whereabouts this time and he’s tracked me down.”

So elder sister was rushing to marry her off?

She immediately said: “Then I’ll marry Lin Shisheng!”

Elder sister hesitated instead, saying: “Earlier I was too hasty. Now hearing you say this, it’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul—not necessarily a perfect solution. You rest first. I’ll go deal with that uninvited guest.”

She smiled as she watched elder sister leave the inner chamber.

The noise outside grew even louder.

At first she hid under the quilts, but later, seeing the matter couldn’t be settled for so long, she worried that elder sister was being bullied and had Fan Liushi help her out.

Fan Liushi refused, but later, unable to win against her insistence, could only say: “The master has also rushed over. First Miss won’t come to harm.”

She asked Fan Liushi anxiously: “Father, what did he say?”

“The master and First Miss went to the study,” Fan Liushi said. “With First Miss there, the master won’t blame you.”

Yes. Father wouldn’t blame her, but he would blame elder sister!

How could she sit still?

Supported by Fan Liushi, she went to the study.

Chi Xiang and the others all stood far away in the covered corridor.

She signaled Chi Xiang and the others not to make any sound, quietly walking over.

Father’s voice could faintly be heard from inside the room: “…Your audacity grows greater and greater! You actually dared to make such an important decision on your own?! If Shaojin suffers any misfortune in the future, what do you plan to do? Who in this world dares say they can be thorough and perfect, never making mistakes? Can you guarantee that everything you’ve done is right? Can you guarantee that Shaojin will have food and clothing without worry in the future and won’t be bullied?”

Father’s questioning grew increasingly severe. Elder sister’s voice was aggrieved and helpless: “Father, I, I had no other choice! I couldn’t just watch Shaojin hang herself, could I? I could stop her once, but could I stop her twice, three times? Moreover…”

Elder sister’s voice dropped lower. She couldn’t hear clearly, but father’s voice was like a thunderclap: “What did you say? Say that again!”

She couldn’t help pressing her ear against the door.

“Shaojin, she, she hemorrhaged severely… she can never bear children again in the future…” Elder sister choked out in a low voice.

She was stunned, only feeling somewhat surprised.

Perhaps because she was still young then, she felt neither sad nor upset.

With a sharp “crack,” a crisp slapping sound rang out in the room along with father’s fury: “You wretched creature! Look at what you’ve done! You might as well have taken a rope and strangled your sister! It would have been better!”

That slap seemed to strike her own face. Those harsh words seemed to pierce her heart.

She couldn’t help rushing in, blocking father: “Father, this was all my idea and has nothing to do with elder sister. If you want to hit someone, hit me. If you want to scold someone, scold me. Elder sister couldn’t prevail against me and only then agreed. It all has nothing to do with elder sister!”

Father’s expression was obscure as he looked at her, then at elder sister, before flicking his sleeves and leaving: “I won’t concern myself with your affairs anymore. You take care of yourselves!”

She turned to stroke elder sister’s face, which was already beginning to redden, asking with heartache: “Does it hurt?”

“It doesn’t hurt!” Elder sister shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. “Elder sister doesn’t hurt.”

How could it not hurt?

Especially being rebuked by father like that.

She loudly instructed Fan Liushi to bring water, saying: “Applying ice water will help a great deal.”

But elder sister stopped Fan Liushi, saying: “Your health isn’t good. Go back to your room and lie down. I’ll come accompany you in a moment.”

“Where is elder sister going?” She clutched elder sister’s arm in panic.

“Silly girl!” Elder sister supported her head, smiling, “Father struck me across the face. If I don’t go flaunt it before the Cheng family, how will they give up? Don’t worry. Father isn’t truly blaming us. This is just his explanation to the Cheng family.”

She didn’t believe it.

Elder sister was accustomed to glossing over troubles in front of her.

But she felt that if this could serve as an explanation to the Cheng family, that would be good too.

However, Cheng Xu continued making a fuss.

She feared the Liao family would find out.

She asked elder sister: “What about the match with the Lin family?”

Elder sister said: “Your brother-in-law and I discussed it and feel it would be better to find you a better marriage match instead!”

She trusted elder sister and didn’t inquire further.

Who knew that Lin Shisheng would come calling himself.

He was tall, handsome, and distinguished-looking, with bright and sincere eyes.

She didn’t like him.

After all, hadn’t Cheng Lu and Cheng Xu also been distinguished-looking, appearing gentle as jade, modest and sincere?

Lin Shisheng, as if knowing what she worried about, produced a document for her, saying: “If you don’t trust me, we can establish written proof.”

She drove Lin Shisheng away.

Elder sister rushed over afterward, asking breathlessly: “What did Lin Shisheng say to you?”

She handed elder sister the document she hadn’t yet had time to tear up.

Elder sister sighed softly, folding the document and placing it in her sleeve.

Lin Shisheng left but returned again, requesting to see elder sister.

Elder sister urged her: “Why don’t you consider it?”

If Lin Shisheng looked more ordinary, she might have felt safer.

She shook her head.

“Then I’ll go decline Lin Shisheng.” Elder sister rose. Before she could leave the room, Chi Xiang ran in, saying: “First Madam, that Lord Lin and Master Cheng Xu have started fighting.”

Elder sister hurried outside. She grabbed hold of elder sister, saying: “Elder sister, you should agree to the Lin family match right in front of that person!”

“But?” Elder sister frowned.

She said: “Rather than marrying someone and still having to hide and conceal things, better to marry Lin Shisheng openly and honorably.”

Elder sister pondered for a long while before agreeing with a “Good.”

Just like that, she married into the Lin family. One year later, she took a concubine for Lin Shisheng and moved to the Lin family’s farm to recuperate.

But when Lin Shisheng brought his newborn son to visit her, as she gazed at that tender, soft infant whose eyes were as clear as the blue sky with a faint tinge of blue, her heart suddenly twisted in agony and she felt regret.

If that child had still been alive, he would have looked like this too, wouldn’t he?

He would have nestled softly in her arms, eyes wide open curiously gazing at her, sucking on his little fingers unwilling to let go… Although the child would have been Cheng Xu’s, she would have borne him—he would have carried half her bloodline too!

That night, her tears soaked the pillow.

But she couldn’t say anything, couldn’t speak of it, couldn’t even show the slightest abnormality—because in the spring of the year she married, elder sister and brother-in-law’s first child miscarried, and afterward elder sister could never conceive again.

If elder sister knew she had regrets about what happened back then, where would that leave elder sister? What would elder sister’s suffering amount to?

She recalled what elder sister had said that day—if there’s any karmic retribution, let it fall on me.

Could this be the retribution?

The sin that should have fallen upon her had instead fallen upon elder sister and brother-in-law!

How innocent were elder sister and brother-in-law, bearing sins that should never have been theirs to bear.

Not only could she not regret it, she had to forget it all, act as if those things had never happened, and live properly, live happily.

But in the deep of night when all was quiet, she still couldn’t help thinking of that child, thinking of the night she lost the child… as if tightly bound by vines, unable to sleep through the night, unable to breathe.

She began observing vegetarian fasts and chanting Buddhist sutras, begging the Bodhisattva to forgive her sins, begging the Bodhisattva to bless elder sister and brother-in-law with flourishing descendants, asking that any retribution fall upon her instead… It wasn’t until five years later, when elder sister struggled to give birth to nephew Liao Chengfang, that she finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, the blood on her fingertips had turned over those memories again. Years of endurance shattered like a broken water jar, the deeply hidden secret flowing out. Zhou Shaojin couldn’t distinguish whether she was in her past life or present life as she began crying hysterically.

As if this could provide an outlet for the pain that had been blocked in her chest all along, so that the hurt, regret, self-reproach, and guilt wouldn’t be so heavy.

“Elder sister, elder sister.” She buried herself against Zhou Chujin’s shoulder, crying uncontrollably, “I regret it so much, regret it so much… but I couldn’t tell anyone… it was I who didn’t want that child… I was afraid telling you would make you sad… no matter how many sutras I chant, how many vegetarian meals I eat, I can’t wash away the sins on my body… why won’t the Bodhisattva take me… why make me suffer through this again…”