Fresh rain fell steadily over the mountains, and the wooden cabin filled with hushed, muffled sound.

Zhang Xingjian tilted his head back as Shen Qingwu kissed him, resisting at first, giving in to a kind of self-abandoned bitterness at first…

He even mocked himself for it.

Resented it, quietly.

He felt she only ever used this one method on him, and couldn’t understand why it worked every single time. The person she truly cared about wasn’t him—so why should he keep giving in?

He couldn’t bear it.

But… Shen Qingwu held him close, her arms around his neck, warm and insistent. As he tried to retreat into himself, she kissed his furrowed brow, his closed eyes, his tightly pressed lips, the faint movement of his throat.

Patiently, she coaxed his lips open.

Bit by bit, Zhang Xingjian came back to life, his mind growing hazier, sinking deeper into it.

When he opened his mouth to catch his breath, she took the opening she wanted. As their tongues met, a maddening, tingling warmth spread through their very bones… and his lashes trembled all the more violently for it.

He was moved by this closeness.

His body was pulled along by it too.

Before their argument, they’d both drunk the drugged wine, each harboring their own private intentions, each maneuvering around the other without anything coming of it. In the end, both Shen Qingwu and Zhang Xingjian had ended up in the water together—and by then, even the strongest drug couldn’t withstand being submerged in freezing water.

Now, the old feeling had reignited.

The old story was playing out again.

Zhang Xingjian truly had felt disappointed, truly hurt, truly wretched. She really was the greatest setback he’d ever faced. When she’d said it was for Bo Rong, he’d genuinely felt his love was dying, felt he could never win against Bo Rong, felt his heart turning to ash…

What use was there in begging for feeling, demanding love?

Forget it.

He simply couldn’t compete with her ruthlessness, couldn’t contend with Bo Rong’s shadow over her.

But… now, while he was lost in his own thoughts, Shen Qingwu’s hand drifted gently to his chin. Finding the angle awkward for kissing, she hooked his chin and tilted his face down, making it easier for herself.

She grew steadily more insistent.

The warmth between them steadily caught fire.

At times like this, every trace of resentment, every hint of self-loathing, simply vanished, yielding entirely to feeling.

Zhang Xingjian’s lashes trembled like butterfly wings, brushed lightly by her own.

He stayed rigid, unmoving, all resistance gone from him. What little effort he still made was to hold perfectly still, to refuse to respond at all—the last shred of pride he had left.

But…

Perhaps it was simply because he had so little experience to compare it to, but doing this with Shen Qingwu genuinely felt wonderful.

Shen Qingwu was thinking the very same thing.

Before, whenever she’d resisted Zhang Xingjian, she’d still found herself drawn in by his body against her will; now that she wasn’t resisting at all, those sensations came flooding over her like a broken dam, and bit by bit her grip tightened, until his chin flushed a deep red, heat rising steadily.

Shen Qingwu thought to herself, in a moment of clarity: so that’s how it is.

What she’d never been able to let go of, from the very start, was his face, his body. All this time, she really hadn’t made any progress at all.

How could there be a man in this world whose kisses felt this good, whose lips were this soft? His scent was cool and faint, the incense on his robes barely detectable at all… it was like bathing in moonlight.

She wanted that moonlight to fall on her clearer still, purer still.

In the middle of this tangled indulgence, needing a pause, Shen Qingwu’s breath came ragged. A stray thought surfaced in her mind—she needed to say something clearly—and she forced herself to stop, opening her eyes to look at Zhang Xingjian.

He too had opened his eyes at some point, watching her secretly.

Shen Qingwu’s eyes flared bright with astonishment at the sight of him like this:

His breath faint, his eyes damp and glazed, his face flushed like a sunset glow, his red lips thoroughly kissed, his robes in complete disarray.

Under her assault, he sat leaning against the wall, his half-loosened hair falling into further disorder. Strands of black hair clung to his cheek as he watched her furtively, his expression somewhere between alluring and endearing, with a touch of something distinctly, uniquely Zhang Xingjian…

Slyness.

Shen Qingwu knew her face must be burning.

She let him look his fill.

Slowly, Zhang Xingjian said, “What does this mean?”

Shen Qingwu had always been direct, but at this moment—perhaps because he kept watching her so closely, perhaps because she’d broken her own long-held principles and it left her a little frightened—his question stirred both embarrassment and irritation in her.

Couldn’t he understand the words “struck by heaven’s own thunder”?

Where had all his cleverness gone?

Shen Qingwu’s face reddened bit by bit; for a long moment, she couldn’t get the words out.

She leaned in and kissed his lips once more.

She lowered her head, pausing at his neck, and said in a low, hoarse murmur, “Do you understand now?”

Zhang Xingjian, unmoved on the surface, said, “No.”

Shen Qingwu looked up.

Zhang Xingjian looked at her.

He said softly, “Lady Shen the Second spends her days going back and forth—one moment talking to me, the next ignoring me completely. One moment worrying over Young Master Bo, the next fretting over Young Master Yang, and then there’s that young man from Jiangling besides, and now some Young Master Chen weighing on your mind too. I really don’t understand.”

Shen Qingwu was startled. “What Young Master Chen?”

She didn’t even know anyone named Chen!

Zhang Xingjian faltered.

He said, “I was just filling in a number.”

Shen Qingwu froze.

Then, unable to help herself, she burst out laughing.

Her laughter must have seemed a bit too carefree, because it stung Zhang Xingjian’s pride.

He pushed at her. “Get up!”

Shen Qingwu had no intention of getting up. She threw her arms around him instead. He’d never been able to overpower her to begin with, and now, with her covered in injuries, he was reluctant to move too roughly, afraid of hurting her further…

While he hesitated, Shen Qingwu leaned in and lightly ran her tongue over the wound on his cheek.

Zhang Xingjian flinched at the sting, letting out a startled sound, his head tilting back.

Shen Qingwu studied his face, brushing her fingers gently around the wound. After examining it for a long moment and confirming it really was just a surface injury, she finally relaxed.

The handsome, refined young man, with this one streak of blood across his cheek, took on a certain wild, striking allure. Shameless as ever, Shen Qingwu found herself dazzled by that fierce beauty even before any concern for him registered.

She stared at his face. “As good as it looks on you, I hear officials at court aren’t allowed to be disfigured. You should still put medicine on it—better if it doesn’t scar.”

Zhang Xingjian said, expressionless, “What business is that of yours? Do you care?”

Shen Qingwu admitted plainly, “I do care.”

That silenced him.

He let out a cold huff.

His eyes shimmered faintly as he turned his face away. He looked suspicious, and yet also somehow moved…

Shen Qingwu couldn’t resist reaching out to tug at his sash.

He swatted her hand away.

Zhang Xingjian said, sharp. “Don’t touch me.”

Shen Qingwu: “…”

She said, “Then why aren’t you pushing me away?”

Zhang Xingjian said, “How could I possibly beat you?”

Shen Qingwu released her hold on his neck, spreading her arms wide to let him look at her. She was wearing his clothes, and however she’d been moving under the covers, they’d come loose again, her lithe figure faintly visible through the gaps, a hint of pale skin showing at her chest, enough to make him…

Zhang Xingjian abruptly turned his face away.

His face burned crimson.

Shen Qingwu said, “I won’t lift a hand. I’m injured too, if it came to a real fight right now, our strength would be about evenly matched. If you want to push me away, if you don’t like being bullied by me, then beat me if you want, or push me out of this cabin and leave.

“I certainly wouldn’t have the strength to chase after you right now.”

Zhang Xingjian instantly grew angry.

He turned to glare at her coldly. “Fight, fight, fight! Is force the only way you know how to solve problems? Is drastic action the only way you know how to prove your feelings? Must you always resort to extremes?

“Are you doing this on purpose? Don’t you know I, I…”

—Don’t you know I can’t bear to lose you?

He couldn’t finish the sentence.

A flicker of panic crossed Shen Qingwu’s eyes.

Having been thoroughly scolded, she moved closer, clumsy and hesitant, while he sat lost for words, and carefully tugged at his sleeve.

He kept his head down, saying nothing, looking deeply wounded… Shen Qingwu thought for a long moment, then said, word by word:

“Zhang Yuelu.

“I don’t like Bo Rong.”

His lashes trembled, but he still didn’t look up.

Shen Qingwu tried hard to think of what mattered to him, tried hard to put her thoughts into words:

“I truly don’t like Bo Rong, I never have. You tried before to make me believe I liked him…”

Zhang Xingjian cut in. “I didn’t try to make you believe anything.”

He said, “You simply didn’t understand what I meant. At most, I was, I was…”

Shen Qingwu said, “Jealous?”

She saw his expression stiffen, sensed the dip back toward gloom, and quickly stopped pushing, careful not to say anything more that might upset him further.

Shen Qingwu said, “I’ve truly never felt anything for Bo Rong. He was very good to me once, and even before I knew that was calculated, I never felt anything for him. He was my teacher, he taught me a great deal, but he actually cared more for another student of his… To me, he really was good to me, but only that—good.

“I never once let myself do anything foolish over him. When I realized he’d been using me, all I felt was that we should cut ties cleanly, owing each other nothing. I never felt that kind of unwillingness to let go, that lingering sense of injustice with him…

“The only person I’ve ever felt that unwillingness to let go over,” Shen Qingwu said calmly, “is you.”

His expression eased.

He lifted his face slightly, looking toward her.

The two of them stared at each other for a long moment.

Zhang Xingjian said, “Swear to me. Swear you’ll never abandon me for Bo Rong.”

Shen Qingwu answered without hesitation. “I will never abandon you for Bo Rong.”

Zhang Xingjian pushed further. “You won’t do anything foolish for Bo Rong’s sake.”

Shen Qingwu remained composed. “I don’t know exactly what you mean by ‘foolish,’ so I can’t promise that outright. But I think I understand your meaning well enough—this whole mess happened because I didn’t trust you… I’ll work harder to trust you from now on. I understand.”

Zhang Xingjian thought to himself: you understand nothing.

You have no idea how much this matters to me.

Zhang Xingjian went on. “Do you like Bo Rong, or do you like me?”

Shen Qingwu hesitated.

The moment she hesitated, his expression began to dim.

By now, Shen Qingwu was thoroughly familiar with his shifts in mood, and the instant his face changed, she realized she’d taken too long to answer.

She said quickly, “I don’t know what kind of ‘like’ you mean. If it’s the kind I think you mean, I like you more.”

And so it fell to Zhang Xingjian to puzzle out exactly which kind of “like” Shen Qingwu had in mind.

Shen Qingwu sat quietly, her posture straight as a pine tree. When Zhang Xingjian came back to himself and glanced at her, she looked like a dutiful student being quizzed by a teacher—results aside, her attitude was impeccably earnest.

Zhang Xingjian thought wryly to himself: a poor student really does keep plenty of supplies on hand.

But his eyes had already softened, and his fondness for her began flooding back in full.

At last, Zhang Xingjian asked, “Let me put it this way—if Bo Rong and I both fell into the water together, who would you save?”

Shen Qingwu opened her mouth to answer.

Before she could speak, Zhang Xingjian added quickly, “Neither of us can swim, both equally hopeless in water, and you’re the only one on the shore, no one else around to help. Save one, and the other drowns. Choose.”

Shen Qingwu stared at him blankly.

Zhang Xingjian’s expression stayed perfectly calm.

Their eyes met.

A silence stretched between them.

Shen Qingwu lowered her head.

Having come this far, Zhang Xingjian waited patiently.

He loved her.

Loved her beyond measure.

Loved her to the point of madness.

But if there would always be someone else holding a place in her heart that he could never surpass, then… he’d rather not have any of it at all.

Zhang Xingjian said flatly, “Shen Qingwu, let me tell you something. Since we found each other again, I told you I’d play games with your feelings—and it’s true, I’ve told a fair number of lies about how I feel.

“When I said I could accept you marrying someone else—that was a lie.”

Shen Qingwu looked up.

Zhang Xingjian leaned against the wall, cool and languid, a faint smile in his eyes. But the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes—it was that same distant, courteous smile he wore for everyone else. That smile was both his upbringing and his self-protection.

He never let anyone see him at his most wretched.

He never let anyone witness the depths of his defeat.

Zhang Xingjian said, gentle as ever, “When I said I could accept you sleeping with other men—that was just to soothe you too.”

Shen Qingwu said, “I know.”

Zhang Xingjian said, “Even the slightest hint of warmth from you toward another man makes me uneasy. I’ll find some way to interfere.”

Shen Qingwu nodded. “You’ve always been petty and underhanded.”

At that, his eyes curved. “Then—would you save that wonderful Bo Rong, who once rescued you from utter ruin, or would you save me, endlessly wicked Zhang Yuelu?”

Shen Qingwu said, “I wouldn’t stand by and let Bo Rong die.”

Zhang Xingjian’s eyes lowered.

Flatly, Shen Qingwu added, “But I would live or die together with you.”

His eyes flew up to meet hers.

The light in them blazed bright in that instant, more beautiful than the river of stars overhead.

But Shen Qingwu had no idea why he seemed so overjoyed.

The moment she’d decided to break her vow, she’d already decided to protect Zhang Xingjian.

If the thunder was going to strike, let it strike her first.

Whatever punishment awaited, however severe—if it was real, let it all fall on her.

She finally understood, completely, the resolve behind Bo Rong’s decision to break his own vow: swearing an oath had been serious; breaking it had been just as serious.

She was willing to pay any price to break hers.

She would protect Zhang Xingjian, no matter what—

Zhang Xingjian had no idea how firmly Shen Qingwu’s stubborn mind was set on moving toward him, no idea how wary she was of her vow’s power taking effect, no idea just how deliberately she’d decided to be good to him.

He was already overjoyed as it was.

The clouds had finally parted to reveal the moon.

The rain was about to stop, the moon about to emerge, and that scholartree that had always hidden from him was finally, at last, ready to bloom.

Zhang Xingjian smiled faintly, his voice warm. “Wutong.”

He’d started calling her “Wutong” again.

Shen Qingwu found herself liking that unique nickname more than ever before.

She realized, all at once, that what Zhang Xingjian wanted was exactly this—to be different, to be set apart from everyone else.

Softly, she answered, “Mm.”

Zhang Xingjian said, “Come here. Let me hold you.”

Shen Qingwu leaned in and shifted closer.

The tiger-skin blanket lay bunched between them, and Shen Qingwu stumbled over it as she moved. Zhang Xingjian’s arm went around her waist, pulling her in eagerly, unable to wait any longer.

They looked at each other.

His eyes curved, smiling.

Shen Qingwu found herself smiling back.

Zhang Xingjian reached out and tapped her nose. “Silly.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her fully into his embrace. He let out a sigh, burying his face against her neck, complaining to her:

“After I met you, after I fell for you, that’s when I realized I longed for a kind of love that wouldn’t fade or dim with the passage of time and the changing of all things. Every man in the Zhang family is hopelessly devoted once he falls, stubborn beyond reason, unable to pull back once his heart is caught. I thought I was different from Bo… from that man, but I turned out to be exactly the same.

“I like you. I simply want to be with you. And you’re different from everyone else—once our Wutong makes a decision, she never goes back on it. If our Wutong loves me, then she loves only me, cares only for me.

“That kind of fierce, unwavering, purely singular devotion—it draws me in completely. You’re cold and reckless, and sometimes a little foolish, and you’re always working against me… ah, I love it. I love it so much.”

He sighed against her neck, repeating himself as if complaining. “I love it so much.”

His breath stirred the loose strands of hair by her ear.

An itch of feeling stirred in her chest.

She looked down at his fingers curled around her waist, and thought back to the intimacy they’d left unfinished before.

Shen Qingwu hesitated: if she asked him now whether he was willing to be intimate with her, would he think she was ruining the mood, only thinking of his body and not of him as a person?

As Shen Qingwu fell silent, Zhang Xingjian turned his face toward her. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Shen Qingwu could only manage, “…I don’t know whether what I feel counts as love. If it doesn’t, please don’t threaten to throw yourself into despair over me, all right?”

Zhang Xingjian: “…”

He took a deep breath and smiled. “I won’t do anything drastic, don’t worry. I’ll keep watch over you—and don’t worry, if I ever realize you truly don’t love me, I won’t stand in your way if you want to leave.”

Shen Qingwu thought: liar.

But she was too tired to point it out.

Bit by bit, she was learning to tell when he was joking, when he was teasing her, when he was spouting nonsense just to deceive her.

Let him have his fun.

Zhang Xingjian was, after all, someone whose mind never stopped working, not for a moment.

As long as he didn’t lie to her about anything else that mattered, if he wanted to play games with his feelings, so be it.

Zhang Xingjian held her close, murmuring on with many more tender words.

Shen Qingwu simply listened.

He’d always talked a great deal, and always said things sweetly; Shen Qingwu had always spoken little, and listening to him ramble on now left her feeling relaxed and at ease.

There was someone who could talk this much.

She loved Zhang Xingjian’s voice, loved listening to him speak.

Zhang Xingjian murmured against her ear, “Once Great Zhou is unified, whether it’s Li Linggē who takes the throne, or some other puppet ruler, none of it will concern you anymore. Come to the capital and stay with me, won’t you? I’ll surely be busy with the transition, probably unable to leave the capital for a while… but I don’t want to be apart from you. Don’t you love fighting, love being a general? You can do all that in the capital too.

“You’ll command the imperial guard, and with your stubborn head, no one will manage to sway you—that puts my mind at ease. And then, and then… we’ll be able to be together all the time.

“Whenever you feel the time is right, just give me a hint, and we’ll marry. My family shouldn’t be much of an issue. If my second sister has any objections to you, tell me… whoever in my family looks down on you, tell me, and I’ll go have a word with them. Though that’s unlikely… I’ll have already spoken with them before we ever marry.

“And… Wutong, don’t be angry at what I’m about to say, but… once we’ve taken time to nurse you back to health, I’d like to have children… of course, if you don’t want to, if you feel it would be too much for you, then never mind… but I still want children, I could adopt one from within the clan… would that be all right?”

He asked carefully, cautiously, dreading her displeasure.

Shen Qingwu said, “You heard the physician yourself—I can’t have children.”

Zhang Xingjian said gently, “I’m only asking, that’s all… you’re covered in injuries right now, worn thin from illness, and you’re truly terrible at taking care of yourself. I don’t even know what state your body’s in after all these years on the battlefield. Let’s just take things slowly and nurse you back to health—I have no other agenda, I just want you by my side for a long, long life together.”

Shen Qingwu answered, “I don’t dislike children, and I don’t particularly like them either. I have no strong feelings about it, I’ll go along with whatever you decide… but…”

She looked puzzled. “Do you really need to be thinking so far ahead already?”

Far ahead?!

It wasn’t necessarily that far ahead… did she really think they wouldn’t make it to the end together?

He fell silent for a moment.

Having only just reconciled with her, he wasn’t ready to reveal that less agreeable side of himself, so he swallowed his temper.

He said gently, “Just a passing thought, that’s all.”

Shen Qingwu said, “Oh.”

Having said all this, having laid out his hopes for the future, Zhang Xingjian felt a great weight lift from his chest, seeing that Shen Qingwu hadn’t objected.

If she hadn’t refused, even after all he’d said… then Shen Qingwu had genuinely decided to be with him for good, hadn’t she?

Zhang Xingjian held her close and pouted playfully. “Wutong, I’ve said so much, and you haven’t said a word—it makes me feel like I’m talking to myself. Say something too.”

Shen Qingwu: “…”

She turned to look at him, opening her mouth, then hesitating.

He raised an eyebrow.

Shen Qingwu said, “Are we doing this or not?”

Zhang Xingjian: “…”

He murmured, “Is that really the only thing on your mind right now?”

Shen Qingwu genuinely had no gift for sweet words, and she truly missed the closeness they’d had before their argument. As he’d whispered on and on, holding her, her mind had wandered further and further, until her fingertips trembled faintly.

She hadn’t interrupted him, had patiently let him finish everything he wanted to say—Shen Qingwu felt she’d already behaved quite admirably.

He shouldn’t be too harsh on her.

Zhang Xingjian’s eyes curved.

He coaxed her gently. “You’re covered in injuries, so many of them so severe. I’m not some beast, you know.”

Shen Qingwu said, “I want to be a beast.”

Zhang Xingjian: “…”

Shen Qingwu looked into his eyes. “Well?”

Having issued such an invitation, there was no way Zhang Xingjian felt nothing at all.

He lowered his head. “I’d meant to take you to see a physician once we got down the mountain, to ask how best to treat your injuries… I hadn’t planned on anything else.”

Impatient, Shen Qingwu said, “Are you doing this or not?”

Face flushed, Zhang Xingjian said, “…Yes.”

He stopped her from moving too eagerly. “You’re hurt—don’t move around too much. Let me.”

Shen Qingwu was more than happy to relax and let him take the lead.

Besides, she’d always loved watching Zhang Xingjian flustered and stirred, shy and full of feeling—

Leaning over her, his eyes hazy, his face flushed—she loved that sight more than anything—

The rain fell in a soft patter against the cabin roof.

Told to be mindful of her injuries, Shen Qingwu, after one round, had her sleep point sealed by him, so she could rest more comfortably.

Lying face-down on the hard wooden bed, her dark hair in disarray, Shen Qingwu felt not a trace of pressure weighing on her, only a deep, easy lightness.

Zhang Xingjian brushed the loose strands of hair from her face from behind, pressing feather-light kisses across her cheek.

Shen Qingwu’s lips curved slightly.

She was still confused, still didn’t quite understand why, muddled as everything felt, Zhang Xingjian liked her so much. But now that he’d said he did, she was slowly beginning to believe it…

He’d also told her she wasn’t allowed to fight anymore.

The moment he’d seen her injuries earlier, his eyes had reddened.

Shen Qingwu thought: so there really is someone in this world who cares this much about me.

Then she ought to care for him just as much in return.

He was good to her, and she would be good to him too—

But the young man kept pestering her, telling her to sleep one moment and then unable to resist kissing her gently the next.

Shen Qingwu lay with her eyes closed, every sensation magnified far beyond its measure.

His sealing technique on her sleep point could never actually knock her out—she simply didn’t bother making an issue of it.

Feeling him toy with the strands of hair against her cheek, she finally opened her mouth, eyes still closed, her voice thick with drowsiness. “Are you going to let me sleep or not?”

Zhang Xingjian, twirling her hair between his fingers, froze.

He hadn’t expected her to still be awake.

Embarrassed, Zhang Xingjian said, “You’re still awake.”

Shen Qingwu let out a scoff.

Zhang Xingjian laughed softly.

He pressed close against her from behind, wrapping his arms around her, his hand drifting forward cautiously, testing, toward the small swell of her chest. Shen Qingwu lay still as a dead fish, letting him touch her lightly, but fearing she might grow annoyed, he quickly withdrew his hand.

Still, he wanted more, wanted to touch, wanted to… caress.

But that was a matter to be handled patiently, over time.

Zhang Xingjian felt his confidence returning in full.

Brimming with newfound confidence, he held Shen Qingwu properly and leaned close to her ear:

“Wutong, before you fall asleep, I’ve thought it over, and I still want some reassurance from you—

“Are you truly going to be with me? Have you truly made up your mind? You’ve never said it outright, and it leaves me uneasy.”

Shen Qingwu’s eyes snapped open.

She turned over, lying beneath him, and looked up into his eyes. He blinked rapidly, flustered, afraid she might grow angry.

Word by word, Shen Qingwu said, “Zhang Yuelu, Shen Qingwu swears—

“I will break my vow. I will be with you.

“Whatever the outcome, as long as you don’t let go, I won’t let go either.”

Shen Qingwu asked, “There. Does that put your mind at ease?”

A mist of emotion swam in Zhang Xingjian’s eyes. “Your word means more than anyone’s. I’m at ease now.

“Wutong… I’ll protect you.”

Just as earnestly, Shen Qingwu said, “I’ll protect you too.”

He froze for a moment, then his eyes curved, and he leaned down to hold her close.

He laughed. “Then I look forward to it.”

Calmly, Shen Qingwu said, “Mm.”—

The spring rain fell like a weaving shuttle, and heaven and earth were washed clean.

However difficult the puzzle of love and feeling might be, it was still one worth solving.

If only they could live in these mountains forever—how wonderful that would be.